Although at a certain point, I had to suspend my fantasy of being a scoop writer for TMZ, I can still blog my feelings over this matter.

As I sit here on this cold Montana morn, I weep for the loss of one of the great ones.

I realized this morning that it's been nearly two years since her death, but we're still haunted by her presence, feeling the effects of her music on our lives and raves.

RIP Hot Britney Spears


The day the music died, as did the fanboi in my heart.

A Eulogy.

I would like to start out this morning by starting back in 1993.



Miss Spears got her start on the Mickey Mouse Club on the Disney Channel.
After a 2 year stint working for cable TV, she picked up a solo music career getting some notice for being a jailbait spank fantasy for the straights.



And then it happened, everywhere. We were surrounded by images of a girl next door that EVERYONE wanted, wanted to be with, or wanted to play a video game based on her impressive ability to remember choreography.



Miss Britney hit the scene. She was Barbara, Cher, and Liza all in one.







We learned of her torrid non-affair with BFF "Boifriend" Justin Timberlake.









shudder

...

Oh, sorry, got sidetracked.

Right.

Uh, Britney was attached to Justin, seemingly out of convenience. But poor Justin managed to get away from her several years later and I cried that day. I lost my idol and her boifriend that day. It was very sad and quiet in my home that night.
Thankfully Justin immediately started going out with pseudo-man Cameron Diaz, so I held out hope of Justin and Gaybear becoming an item someday. I would open any Xmas present Justin would give me by the way.



Okay, I swear, no more justin stuff. I'll save that for later.


Anyhoo... Britney released a follow up album to her debut which pushed her career to new heights.



In 2003, she shared a fantasy kiss that every straight guy visualized in their head for weeks afterwards.


Britney shares a moment with someone's GILF

She fumbled a bit with Toxic, and decided to retire from music. Frankly at that point she'd earned it. She'd toured and recorded almost non-stop for 4 years, it had taken it's toll on her.

Almost hauntingly, she was quoted from this time frame to say about herself, "I'd be happy if someday I was fat with 3 kids in a trailer park." Obviously she wasn't far from the mark in predicting her own future.

In 2004, she was married for a brief 24 hour period to a guy she knew from her childhood. I wonder how this guy managed to stay friends with her this long. That breakup must've been awkward...

Britney: Look, you don't do cocaine and stay up for 36 hours at a time like me, this isn't going to work out...
Soon-to-be-EX: Can we at least screw?

After this ended she wound up in the arms of one of her dancers from her Toxic tour. Mr. Federline was in the middle of a custody battle with an unborn baby from an ex at the time. I was screaming at my issues of US Weekly.

"NO! BRITNEY DON'T!"

It was emo.

And in 2005, the babies started to rain. Britney started to fulfill her prophecy as a breeder. It got worse from there.

There were the car rides with Preston.



Teaching Preston about being nude and smoking.



Britney looks for convenient ways to dispatch of the baby...



Britney starts to want to show us her assets, despite years of teasing the straight guys.



Britney decides to start giving "it" away to anyone that'll look at it.



And finally, the point where I snapped out of my Haggen-Daz coma to realize that she'd been dead for a year or more...



This was so distressing, that I immediately phoned my friend, Chris, and told him that there was going to be some MASSIVE fallout from this.

He didn't take it so well.



I'm so upset at hearing her recent news that she's on a suicide watch, but for us Superfans, it's just a slow spiral to the bottom.

I'd like to think that 20 years from now, she'll be strong enough to have pushed past all this and she'll be a successful media personality, happy with her 2 kids, and married to Justin.



Rest in Peace, Hot Britney, Rest in Peace.

1998 - K'Fed