Okay, no more social commentary, random art dumps, or impromptu musical numbers, it's time for more Parasite Eve bitches!
YEAAAAAHHHH!!

Sorry, I just spent the last hour watching Nine Inch Nails perform on Youtube, so I may be slightly more aggressive during this installment than usual. Let's go find Eve and stick my scratched PSX disks up her fucking cunt.

Or play through Day 3, whichever comes first.

Day 3: Breaking and Entering Edition



Day 3 begins with Aya waking up alone in the dilapidated apartment in Soho from Day 2. Outside, she discovers that Maeda has been sleeping right outside the door, despite her warnings that he might get set on fire at any moment. Maeda shrugs it off and claims that he won't believe that will happen without "scientific proof". Considering the fact he just saw someone randomly catch fire in the middle of the street last night, I reckon he needs a lot of proof. Those scientists: When they aren't evil, they're anal. Or maybe he's just bullshitting and the fact is he just wanted to stay near Aya (which is seriously implied in the game, I'm not making that up-- although that's totally the type of thing I would make up.)

While the two are chatting, Daniel pulls up in his police car and delivers the following:

"We're gonna need some bigger weapons. There's a gun shop over there. Let's stock up!"

Now, I've been confused about this for a long time. Are they leaving little IOU's like "Hi, needed custom grenade launcher and M-1 Garand to fight the incendiary opera singer threat, contact police department for compensation-- Love, NYPD"? Or are they seriously just looting local businesses now that the city has been evacuated? Granted, if this were one of those post-apocalyptic scenarios, scrounging for supplies in order to stay alive would be understandable, but by all accounts this is supposed to be a temporary evacuation.

On an unrelated note, I seriously wish that Soho had more gun stores like the one in this game, and less overpriced boutiques where a tank top costs three hundred dollars; it would be safer. If you think firearms motivate people towards violence, you haven't seen what Manhattan prices can do to a lady.

Anyway, the shop is locked so Daniel proceeds to shoot the lock off the door. I took down the dialogue here:

Daniel: "Outta the way, Aya."
Aya: "Daniel, no...."
Daniel: "Sorry, but it's the only way."
(Daniel shoots the lock off)
Maeda: "Are...are you really a cop?"
Aya: "We think so. But we don't have scientific proof if that's what you're asking."

I think Aya has the makings of a fantastically sarcastic bitch, but she's too busy actually kicking the shit out of things to develop the necessary passive-aggressive angle. Oh well, maybe it's for the best.

What follows is a lovely firearms and consumables shopping spree, both in the gun shop and the local pharmacy. I like a game that isn't afraid to give me three guns in one room.

Day Three: Sassy Electron Microscope Snatch Edition



After filling their pockets with bullets and medicine, the group heads off and Maeda asks if there's any scientific facilities nearby where he can run a test. Aya remembers that Klamp's lab in the museum had science equipment, so off they go, despite Daniel's reservations about getting anywhere near Klamp's office ever again.

Maeda has a bit of a nerdgasm when they reach the Museum of Natural History, which is cute. In Klamp's lab, with Klamp safely evacuated (or so they think), Maeda tests a cell sample that he found on Aya's jacket, apparently Eve's cells. When he puts his cells and Eve's together, Eve's mitochondria attack the nucleus and kill the cell. Aya asks him to test her cells to find out why she seems to be immune to Eve, which Maeda does. When exposed to the Eve sample, Aya's mitochondria
clamp on to the nucleus, but instead of attacking it, they fill it with energy and then fly away. Maeda says that Aya's mitochondria have the ability to protect her nuclei from Eve's mitochondria. In other words, while Eve's mitochondria have developed the power to kill the nucleus, destroying the symbiotic relationship between the two, Aya's have maintained the symbiotic relationship, only with much more power. It seems obvious now that Aya has the superior mutation, but it wasn't obvious the first time I played. Whether that's because they disguised it well or I was just that dense, I couldn't tell you.



I wonder if Richard Dawkins knows that he's mentioned in this game? Of course, if he knew he'd just be a condescending asshole about it, so who cares really.

Their microscope party is ended abruptly when the not-at-all-evacuated Klamp bursts in and asks, with good reason, why a bunch of cops have just broken into his office. The only response Aya and Daniel can come up with is "You should be evacuated", which I find amusing. As cops, they're slightly incompetent. Klamp even goes on to say "AND someone's been using my electron microscope!" You can tell that Klamp would totally kill someone in cold blood for touching his precious microscope, and might even have done so if Daniel couldn't snap his neck like a twig. And Aya could probably kill him with telekinesis or some shit, but he won't know that for at least the next ten seconds.

Before anyone can stop him, Klamp looks into the microscope and sees Aya's cells. Klamp asks Maeda where he got the sample, and Maeda-- completely clueless about what he's supposed to do here-- mumbles something asinine. It's rendered moot by the fact that Klamp obviously knows that the cells are Aya's. Finished with treating Maeda like a piece of grime on his shoe, Klamp asks Aya if she feels hot now that her mitochondria have gone psycho nuts. Aya's answer is cut off by Daniel freaking out that his son and ex-wife's name are on a list on Klamp's computer; Daniel proceeds to manhandle Klamp while demanding answers, and Aya barely manages to calm him down enough to get him to drop the evil scientist. Daniel leaves shaking with rage, Klamp makes a snide comment, and Maeda snivels and simpers away. I think it's cute that Maeda is clearly more scared of Klamp than he is of burning alive.



You have to admit: It's a good question.

In the car on the way to the station, Daniel vents and Maeda provides information. Apparently the list on Klamp's computer was an HLA-list, which is for matching compatible patients for organ transplants. I admit, I'm not entirely sure why their names in particular were on the list, but it's not important. Daniel implies that he's going to get the stuff he needs from the station to arrest Klamp, and I'd love to know on what pretext he planned to do that-- he and Aya are the ones that have just broken about fifteen laws in the last hour, and Klamp has broken none so far as we know. However, we never find out what his brilliant plan was, since the police station has just been invaded by mutants and become a dungeon; it will be unavailable for routine police functions until this slight inconvenience is dealt with.

Alright, I was going to do all of Day 3 as one entry, but I have this much already and we're only halfway through? Screw it. Join me next time for the Day Three: Edition Edition. Edition. I'm going to destroy that fucking three-headed mutant dog so bad, they'll be fishing pieces of her out of the Hudson for decades. I'm going to make her wish she was a bear in Tomb Raider, that's how fucking hardcore it's gonna be. 'Cuz you know what I do to bears.

It just never ends