" a girl in my life once said, not noticing me near her. With an expression I can't express in words I mocked her,
"Thanks for the vote of confidence!
" I mocked sarcastically, she tried to comfort me, but I just walked away, I was pissed...
The end of the day rolls by and I'm talking to my friend, I recounted the story and told him my thoughts and what I was going to do,
"I'm thinking of commiting suicide." My friend looks a little worried although I can't really tell, to be honest...
I'm not going to divulge anymore on that, but since this story is a little personal I might as well start with that. Anyway she wasn't entirely out of line, the person I was then was a little bit of an ass, I made fun of anyone that moved pretty much, I had anger issues, at least bigger ones than now and I was shy as hell, heck I never felt the house for anything besides school! This didn't help the fact that the girl disliked me in general, but the bulk of the story comes after that.
When I got home I had bounced back and was not going to kill myself, but of course, there was a catch: I liked another girl, I'll cut a long story short and say that it didn't end well: I dumped her. Even though I did it I though, I wasn't feeling happy or anything like that, I was downright depressed. I tried to say sorry, but as said before I was extremely shy. Even though I was again depressed, I wasn't going to kill myself. Still I was really sad every single second of every single day, my dreams were about me finally dating her, when I woke up she was there, in my head I could hear her voice and I played games in a haze of love and hate.
This a scene that happened every morning for me
Then I found out about the Scott Pilgrim series. Reading the story through Wikipedia it seemed like the story was exactly like mine, except I didn't make any mistakes in the relationship, unlike Scott, or at least that's what I thought. So I dimissed the story as I thought I was perfect and unfailible and kinda shelved it in the back of my head. Then while randomly looking through GamesRadar there was an article called: Game soundtrack of the day, focused on the Scott Pilgrim game soundtrack, I clicked on couriously. As the article praised the soundtrack I clicked the youtube video attached - something I don't usually do, mostly because we had a crappy internet connection at the time. As Another Winter played through my speakers I wasn't thinking about how the girl felt, or the regrets that came with it, no I was just happy to be alive and listen to it!
I then purchased the album later and was completely out the depresssion cycle after one listen of it. I was enchanted by the bleeps and bloops of a NES as well as Scott PIlgrim in general, so I decided that the books would be the next Scott Pilgrim-related thing I would buy, and as I read about Scott's story, I was thinking, for the second time in a few months,
"This is my story!" For those uneducated in Scott Pilgrim here's the general story: Guy meets Girl, Guy dates Girl, Girl leaves Guy
, Guy realises he isn't perfect
, Guy and Girl reunite. The bolded bit was something I ignored to make it so that there was someone with a similar story, the italic bit was the thing I was missing to even try and get back together: I was blaming my friend for what had happened.
He had told me that she was being abusive to him and, taking an extreme step, I broke up with her, I really don't understand why exactly I did it, but I did it of my own accord. Still I blamed my friend saying that he lied about it, but the girl didn't listen and my friend said that I did it, he only told the truth and, when he brought that up for fifith time, I realised that I idiotically broke up with her, but more than that I realised that I was running away from the facts. I was fighting NegaScott. I was scared of having to face it so I read through books again, looking, hoping there was an easy way that I could win, but I was faced with a hard truth: I had to face my fears and accept my wrongdoings.
Oh Crap. OH CRAP!
I didn't want to face it, so I kept on running, and running until the end of the term, I'm reflecting over the term. At that point I was getting tired and angry from all the running and it was affecting everyone around me, so I eventually got to the point of accepting my wrongdoings, and I guess you could say part of me died, I grew more confident in conversing with the other sex, as well as I finally broke a very annoying and depressing cycle and I wanted to go outside and converse with people, something that was at the bottom of my achievement list for life.
Anyway I've babbled on too much about my lifestory, so let's return to the soundtrack. It was a collection of music that was amazing, utterly amazing. Another Winter made the world seem like it was covered in snow and people where having snowball fights everywhere, Bollywood is so dang catchy that it repeats itself and it's actually awesomer for that fact. I could go on and on, but that thing that made Scott Pilgrim's sondtrack so Aamaazing! was the fact that it made me temporarily forget about the biggest regret I have in my life
. It also set the gears for me to realise that I wasn't as perfect I as I thought, it helped me see the world outside games, music and sleeping, a world I hope I can one day set foot into. Oh, and for anyone who wants to know how the story ends, well, it has to do with yet another girl and another year, but that's a story I'll only tell if people want me to...