Final Fantasy Contest
By Gamechamp (who is awesome)




Our story begins with our hero, the totally awesome Cloud, in a battle to the death with the evil Sehpiroth. However, before they could both explode in a plot device, our other hero, Tidus, runs in.

Tidus: Hey guys! There's a Final Fantasy story writing contest on Destructoid! First prize is a VIDEO GAME! Plus a t-shirt or something.

Sephiroth: Egads!

Cloud: A video game, you say? Then I swear, by the graves of my ancestors, I shall write the best story of all time!

The next day Cloud dies from a horrible disease.

Tidus: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Who will write the Final Fantasy story now?

???: Perhaps I can assist.

Tidus: OH EM GEE! It's... it's you!

Leila: Yes! It is I!

Tidus: No, wait, I thought you were someone else. You suck.

Leila is then dropped into the depths of Yugoslavia.

And so, Tidus was forced to go on an epic adventure of adventuring to find that one character who could write the best story ever and get a video game!

Sephiroth: Wait a second, what happened to me? Wasn't I part of this story?

Then Sephiroth exploded.

Tidus: Gee, there are so many people that SUCK. Where oh where will I find someone who doesn't suck?

Auron: Yo.

Tidus: Egads! The day is saved! Auron is here!

Auron then explodes.

Tidus: Oh. Well, crap.

And so, with little choice, Tidus went to play video games for inspiration.

Video Game: GAME OVER. YOU SUCK.

And so, after sucking, Tidus went back to his search, which somehow ended up with him dieing a horrible quicksand death. Meanwhile, in Yugoslavia...

Leila: Yugoslavia sucks. It's almost as bad as me.

Meanwhile, Tidus was alive again or something, in the epic final battle against Chaos in Final Fantasy!



Tidus: Here we are, the final battle! Now, for the ultimate battle strategy that is impossible to lose with... *taps X button 4 times, waits, taps X button 4 times, waits, taps X button 4 times, waits*

Chaos: Oh no! I'm dead!

Tidus: Woo! I beat the game! Now, this gives me an idea...

Tidus then grabs a time machine to go FORWARD TO THE PAST! Or something.

Disease: Mwahahaha! Cloud, I shall kill you!

Tidus: Not if I can help it! *pulls out controller, taps X*

Cloud: Wow! I now have the power to fight!

Cloud then uses a regular old slice attack, killing the disease forever.

Tidus: Cloud! You're alive! Hooray!

Cloud: Oh, no, I'm a zombie. I came back from the dead to get revenge on the disease. Now, anyways, BRAINS.

Tidus: OH GOD BRAIN EATEN!!!!!

And so Tidus died a horrible zombified death. However, luckly, he always kept a spare Phoenix Down in his brain (just in case), thus reviving Cloud to his regular self.

Cloud: Hey, I'm alive! Thanks, Tidus... Tidus?!

Then Tidus ate Cloud's brain and they were both zombies.

Meanwhile, back in Yugoslavia...

Yugoslavian person: All hail the almighty pirate queen who doesn't totally suck, Leila!

Leila: Awesome!

Meanwhile, after several shotgunning incidents, Tidus and Cloud are back to normal somehow.

Cloud: Now that I'm alive again, I can write that story!

Tidus: Awesome, let's go do it right now!

And so, at the computer, Cloud wrote the most epic story ever...

FF Contest: the most epic story ever...
By Cloud (who is awesome)

Cloud is awesome.

The End.

Tidus: Dude! This is totally gonna win!

Cloud: Yeah, I know! Totally! Now, we just need to send it...

Cloud reaches for his mouse, only to find... HIS MOUSE WAS MOVED TWO CENTIMETERS TO THE RIGHT.

Tidus: Oh my! Who could have done such a thing!

Cloud: It seems our adventure is not over yet... we must find the culprit!

Sephiroth: I admit! I did it!

Cloud: !

Cloud then takes out a machine gun and shoots Sephiroth dead.

Cloud: OH CRAP! I KILLED HIM! I KILLED SEPHIROTH! I'M A WANTED MAN!

Tidus: I DID NOTHING! I WAS JUST AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER! *jumps out the window and is immediatelly run over by a plane*

Cloud: OH CRAP! THEY'RE GONNA BLAME ME FOR THAT! I have no choice... I must run from da law!

Cloud then runs from the law. For several hours. Then he gets tired and gives himself up.

Shinra dude: Cloud, you stand accused of murdering peoples. How do you plead?

Cloud: Hey, wait, you're from Shinra. You're EVIL.

Sinra dude: OH GOD IT'S TRUE!

He then pulls out a pistol and shoots himself dead.

Entire courtroom: GASP.

Cloud: So... uh... does this mean I'm free to go.

Replacement Shinra dude: No, it does not! Cloud, we hereby sentence you... TO DELETING YOUR SAVE FILE.

Cloud: No! Please! I got Aeris to level 99!

Replacement Shinra dude: Oh, she dies anyways.

Cloud: ZOMG SPOIILER NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES!!!!!

And so then Cloud ceased to exist. Meanwhile, on an airplane...

Tidus Jr.: I'm facing my fears of airplanes after a traumatic death of my father incident.

Guy: That's impossible... I'M YOUR FATHER!

Tidus Jr.: Gasp! Daddy?

Guy: No. I'm not your daddy. I'm just some guy. Fricking moron.

Meanwhile, back in Yugoslavia again!

Servant: Queen Leila, after your Oprhan tax, the people are beginning to rebel!

Leila: Fine... then press... THE BUTTON.

They then press a button, causing an explosion that explodes things. EVERYTHING.

Meanwhile, back at Destructoid...

Contest announcer guy: And the winner of the contest is... Cloud!

Cloud: Sorry. I'm erased.

Contest announcer guy: Oh. Then I guess I'll give the video game and shirt or whatever to this guy.

He hands them to... TIDUS?!?!?!

Cloud: Tidus?! Oh em ef jee!

Tidus: That's right! I'm alive! Turns out, that airplane was made of pillows!

Cloud: Awesome! Now, I can get that video game!

Tidus: Heck no. It's mine.

Cloud: Dude! I got ERASED. ERASED! I fricking deserve it!

Tidus: Then there is only one way to settle this... BATTLE!

*screen blurry effects*

Cloud attacks! 9999 damage!
Tidus attacks! 9999 damage!
Cloud attacks! 9999 damage!
Tidus attacks! 9999 damage!

Meanwhile, back in Yugoslavia!

Leila: They're dead... everybody is dead! I've killed everyone!

Gordan: Not me!

Leila: Well, you suck.

Gordan: I do NOT suck! YOU suck!

Leila: Then there is only one way to settle this... BATTLE!

Gordon attacks! 0 damage!
Leila attacks! 0 damage!
Gordan attacks! 0 damage!
Leila attacks! 0 damage!

Meanwhile, back with our heroes!

Tidus: Cloud, wait, we can't kill each other over a video game!

Cloud: You... you're right...

The both then drop their weapons, and come to a truce. Then Sephiroth comes and totally slaughters them both.

Sephiroth: That's what you get for killing me! Jerkfaces!

And so, Cloud and Tidus must restart at their last save point, which happened to be ERASED.

Cloud: Ah, this sucks, now we don't even exist or something!

Tidus: Well, look on the bright side: we have the video game!

Cloud: Yeah, awesome! Hmm, but what game is it?

Tidus: It's uh... "Final Fantasy"



Cloud: What, THAT again! I already bought it three times!

Tidus: But this time it has... umm... it looks prettier, and that's it, I guess. Jeez, what the crap?

And so, the video game was thrown in the trash, and Cloud and Tidus forgot the whole thing ever happened and went home to get Aeris back to level 99 (cause I know that guy was totally lieing she's not gonna die it's a lie gotta be he's messing with my head). But... what's this.

Gordan: Gahahaha... HAHAHAHAHAHA! It's mine! All mine! Final Fantasy! Yes! After all these years!

Leila: OH NO YOU DON'T!

Then, Leila, now powered up with her awesome Wing Blade, runs up and slices Gordan's head off! 1 damage!

Gordan: Ow. *dies*

Leila: Finally! It's all over... and the game is mine!

Meanwhile, back with Gamechamp!

Gamechamp: Hey, wait a second, I'm supposed to win! What the crap?! Where's my Final Fantasy?!

Then he explodes or something.



The End.