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4:20 PM on 08.23.2011

Creator vs Creation

Oh hai there. Didn't see you come in. Well since you've stumbled onto this blog, I might as well explain to you what the bloody hell I mean by my title that oddly sounds as if I'm making fun of "Animator vs Animation". Well this is something that a lot of us have experienced in our lives as critics who bitch about creations rather than actually try to create something. What exactly is it? Well the best way to explain something (or rather extend this blog to give a semblance of length) is by a personal example.

Flashback mode: Engaged

At the era where petty gossip managed to ooze itself into any freaking channel that it could like some sort of mutagen, there was a particular lady that was basically a camera magnet. Everyone never seemed to shut the fuck up about her. She became dormant, but lord knows that once she awakens from her slumber, everyone will be on her like flies on a pile of shit. That attention whore who I have the misfortune to reveal to you is Britney Spears. I despise her. To me, she was the biggest waste of humanity that came to be ever since the author of Twilight. Whenever I heard one of her songs, I just wanted to change the station...or rather tear it out of the car and throw it out the window. Now why am I bringing this up? Because once the whole Britney craze died out like her career, I actually realized that one of her songs was actually good. That being "Toxic".

The thing is that if you asked me at the time that Britney was slapped on to anything, you'd find that I wouldn't say the same thing. I'd probably tell you that all of her songs are abysmal. Now, it managed to at least change my perception just a little by allowing me to acknowledge one of her works which I really think was well. I may doubt that she really had that much of a part in it, but nonetheless, it's her name on it and her voice "singing" so I can't try to weasel my way out of liking something relating to her. Why did my opinion change though? That's because the creator and the creation are two seperate things.


As obvious as that sounds, I wasn't quite so aware of it at the time. My disdain for her shielded me from one of the things that she actually managed to do right. It might not be saying much, but it at least showed that I was trying to look at it as though I never knew her. The interesting part is that I realized that many people fall to this sort of display when they look at a creation of a person that they hate. Some times I might agree with them when they say that the work is putrid, but other times I'd think that it was incredible. This seems to be very common with writers, singers or actors. I think I might know why that is. They sort of exemplify themselves with their personality in some way, shape or form. And if we find something in that personality that we don't enjoy, we'll end up looking at the work as a branch of their personality.

Maybe you're saying to yourself that this isn't something you can relate to. You'll think that you've always tried to give the benefit of the doubt of projects made by the people you detest. Fair enough. What you should also know is that it works the opposite way too. People can simply praise something because this guy was a part of it. These are incredibly common with animation whether it's from movies (Studio Ghibli/Pixar) or shows (almost every anime in existance as well as some cartoons). It also finds itself with directors, actors, game companies (Nintendo being prominent in this department) and plenty more.

I'm just going to hide in this bunker just in case I get someone angry.

Oddly enough, this is worse than looking at something from a person you don't like. When you praise a creator too much, you let others who view it consider the work overrated. When the creator doesn't deliver on the work, you feel underwhelmed. And do I really need to go over the fanboys? At least when you hate the creator, you're blinded by seeing the creation for what it is and people just think you're not understanding the work. This on the other hand just causes for more things to go wrong.

Now, is this sort of thing a bad thing? Well, yes and no. If a creator can manage to prove to others that they deserve to be recognized for good work, I guess a little bit of glorification can go at hand. The same thing goes for if the creator is a total jerk and doesn't show that much effort on their projects. But at the same time, these things are separate no matter what. To judge them simply because of the creator doesn't really show that you were actually paying attention to the creation. You should at least remove any prior knowledge of the person who made this work and analyze it as what it is. I know that when it comes to certain people and their creations it can be hard to separate the two when the work can really show a lot of what you may either like or hate of the person that creates the work. And sometimes, we don't even seem aware that we're looking at a creation with the knowledge of the creator.

That's really all I can say to tackle on the subject. I hope you liked it.   read

1:35 PM on 08.17.2011

Handhelds: The Dreaded Tango Of Portable Gaming

Well, hello there Destructoid. It's the first time that I've properly addressed you all. I apologize for the previous times that I haven't. My name is GameJudge. At least my username. Today, I looked around the Dtoid site and I had noticed that there was a subject they pitched for bloggers. That being handhelds. Oh, how the handhelds have gone through. Now, any Joe could converse about handhelds, but I decided to make this a little interesting. How? Well, I'm going to make this into a tango!

Yes, we're going through this whole debacle as if I were in an Argentinian cafe at night, watching a show of a bunch of dancers as the accordion and violin duel to increase the emotion and passion in the room. Let us begin with how things came to be. The lights go up and we find that the time is either 1977 or 1978. Our gamer (which would be our white-shirt fellow) finds himself with a Mattel LED Based Handheld (who's the lady in the red dress). He finds himself dancing with the first handheld gaming device ever made. It's a marvel...but he finds that she only has one game for him. The only way he can enjoy variety is if he goes with different versions of her. So you'll see him changing from gal to gal to play games like Armor Battle, Missile Attack, Sub Chase and Baseball. She finds out about his multiple handhelds and abandons him.

A year goes by, according to a title card I see on the stage. Our friend has grown a beard and he's wondering what gaming console awaits him. We then met up with the Milton Bradley Microvision (the lady in the white dress). The two move themselves to the violin's music as we notice that he can play various games with her, as their acrobatic tricks would imply. The problem is that her face (LCD screen) rots easily and with a simple static spark, she ruins the tricks they do. The red lady comes back, but this time she's Asian and carries with her a lot of watches, becoming the Game and Watch. The man returns to her and finds a little more enjoyment. But he still faces the problem of having to play different versions of her to gain variety and leaves her. As he walks along, he decides to shave his beard.

He gets himself a tux to signify that he's grown up a little and we find he's in the year 2000. The market has changed. We see that the red lady has brought 5 more identical versions of her, wearing different colored dresses, representing the Gameboy Color. The man tries to walk away from them, and ends up bumping into a lady with a black dress (The Atari Lynx).

The woman in the black dress tries to convince the gamer to choose her, and tries to do some of the acrobatic tricks. Even though she looks promising, the gamer has difficulty trying to carry her. She thinks that he's having trouble with her not because of her size, but her set of tricks. The two collapse as the Game Boy Color ladies surround them. They walk back and find that the lady now has a dark blue dress and is now Asian. The Game Boy Color ladies assume that they've converted the gamer, but it shows to be that this dame is actually the Sega Game Gear. It's proven as she does various dance movements and tricks that the Game Boy Colors try to imitate on other gamers but fail to do so. But like the Lynx, our gamer has trouble carrying her. He puts her down and grabs ahold of the woman with the red dress. He finds that she's improved greatly and does much more moves and tricks and enjoys dancing with her. The Lynx Lady and the Game Gear Gal try to break them up, but the other Game Boy Color Chicks shove them away. The Lynx gives up, but the Game Gear keeps persisting until she fades into obscurity.

We then find ourselves being throw into 2009. Our gamer is dancing with a thinner version of the red lady, who's wearing a hat with a mask on it, which I can only assume gives the illusion that she has two screens that symbolizes that she's the DS Lite. She proves herself to be quite versatile and manages to keep his interest. That's until this mademoiselle comes into the picture.

The lady in the purple dress shows herself to be the PSP. The gamer finds intrigue and tries to see what she has in store. She takes him for a ride and shows him tricks that the DS Lite could not do. The DS Lite Lady gets angered by this PSP taking her man and pulls him back. The PSP takes him back and the two fight for control over our gamer. As this happens, bills and coins fall to the floor. The girls swoon over the cash and he comes to a revelation that all they wanted from him was his cash. The two attack him and strip him of a huge amount of cash and leave him to die as they dance with other gamers. The main gamer finds a friendly hand that pulls him up. He then notices that it's the lady with the black dress. Only that there's a distinct difference. She has a white apple on her dress, showing that she's the Iphone or the Ipod Touch. The gamer doesn't see that much of a gaming console in her, but she tells him that he can fulfill his needs if he just gives her a little cash. He gives her a few bills and finds that she does a lot for him for such a little amount of cash. He tries to gain control, but he's been swayed by the kindness, passion and variety she has given him.

Once the PSP and the DS Lite come back for the man to apologize, they notice that he's been taken over by the Iphone/Ipod Touch's siren song. They try to break him away from her as the two tango, but they seem to have no hope doing so. The PSP and DS Lite decide to trip the two over. They fall to the floor and the gamer realizes that the Iphone/Ipod Touch isn't really a handheld. Rather it's a multi-purpose device (which would be shown by a phone, a music player, a mail letter and other things that fall to the floor along with her). But he finds himself still clinging to his dear lover and shuns the two away nonetheless. Other gamers scorn him for his decision and he starts to have second thoughts.

Cut to the future, where the female in the red dress has big glasses that pop out (to give the 3DS image) and the vixen with the purple dress has improved with her tricks. They notice the gamer and the Iphone/Ipod Touch are still dancing and they are angered. They tried everything they could and the gamer doesn't bat an eye to them. They finally decide to settle it by fighting with each other to get to dance with him. The fight goes on and on, and many things are lost amongst them. Eventually...the fight stops and the gamer ends up dancing with one of the ladies in the shadows. But the lights then go off and you never find out which one he went with.

So, I bet you're a little perplexed at what I'm saying here. Simply put, the handheld console has gone through a lot of changes. From how many games one of the consoles can play to the technology itself. But the market has changed as well. For the most part, we know that Nintendo was dominating this market a long time ago. Many companies tried to beat them, but failed. Some actually got a little attention, others were just left in the dust. Nowadays, they face the problem of going against Sony, a company they've already been fighting with the home console and Apple, a company who's focus isn't really games. And with this new era and what each party is bringing, it's hard to know who'll reign victorious. Will the PS Vita blow people away when it comes out? Will the 3DS manage to use all it has to deliver with some powerful titles? Or will we all confine to the cheapness of the Iphone/Ipod Touch? Who knows? For now, we can just simply enjoy this powerful dance before us.

The Historical Source   read

12:11 PM on 08.12.2011

The Definition(s) Of Art And Why I Find Myself Hating It

NOTE: If you are going to skim through it, and chances are some of you will, don't scan over the last part and immediately jump to conclusions, ok?

It takes me a while to think of something to talk about. Mainly I find myself thinking at a desk at something I tackle. And even then, I sometimes feel as if I'm just regurgitating things. Mainly when it comes to talking about video games. I'd like to be one that can bring up new points, but when other beat me to the punch and all I'm left with is reiterating that "fanservice is only good in moderation and shouldn't be a selling point for a game even though lord know that it will be that no matter how many feminists bitch about it". And even then I'd counter it with "GameJudge, you fuckwit, you're a man. You probably fap to this anyways, no matter how much of a 'nice guy' you are and you may just end up using it at some point in your life, so shut your piehole." Which leaves me to something else.

When I do make a "critique" that revolves around something like that, I have that sort of omnimous feeling that I'm going to turn on it at some point in the future. Like I'll become the soul thing I hate. But in that case, I might as well be the ruler of Venezuela with the mentality of a pop singer who only got famous because she was basically jailbait and had that stupid one hit wonder where she "did it again". But nonetheless, this usually stops me from even talking about it within a blog because in 20 years when I do become such a thing, that one person that bothers to know about me will start making campaigns against me saying that "GameJudge is a fucking hypocrite". But that's highly unlikely. Nonetheless, why do I bring this up? Well, maybe it's because I have a complex relationship with "art".

I love making art. But in the direct objective sense of making pictures. I sort of hate art for when it takes on a different meaning. The main reason being is that people who think of themselves as "artsy" come off as pretentious. "Hold on," a tiny voice in my head would shout out, "You're 'artsy' too, so you might as well be part of the pretentious prick clan." To which I'd reply, "Prove it," and then smile smugly to give the illusion that I won the argument with an entity only I can hear. That voice in my head would then instruct my hand to smack myself in the face and then say "Well, why is it that when you talk with some of your friends, you give off this idea that you're deep by bullshitting about your philosophy on 'religion', 'creativity' or 'life', if you're not the 'artsy' type?". At this point, I'd roll my eyes and sigh to that voice besting me.

Then an idea would pop into my head and then I'd say "Ha, you stupid voice! Don't you know art is subjective in it's definition?". And this is where I run into my first problem with it. Art is subjective in definition. That's not to say I hate the idea of art being subjective. True art really lies within the eye of the beholder. If some idiot wants to convince themselves that a bunch of dots and lines surpasses the Mona Lisa, then be my fucking guest. I'm merely pointing out that when people toss the word about, it can be confusing in what sort of sense they mean it. Technically speaking, a painter is "artsy" because he paints. But at the same time a painter can't be "artsy" because all he does is portraits.

That's the first subjective definition of art. The "creatively artsy" definition. Meaning that something that is lacking in a sense of creativity isn't art. Now that's a problem in it of itself because creativity isn't something you can measure. Sure, you can tell when something is dull as shit and when something actually has some flare to it, but what about something in between? How can I tell if Dali was far more surreal than Lovecraft? It's not often that those sort of art folk go on about how much more creative they are than someone else, but it happens at times, and it gets annoying.

The creatively artsy also seem to have a problem in terms of mixing up creativity with originality. And like I've stated before, nothing is original. Maybe in the caveman times, sure...but people have already done things before I have. And last I checked, people who are original are either in an insane asylum because they live in their own fantasy...that might actually sell good if someone could find them or live in the caveman times, as I said before. The true inspiration out of nothing is pretty hard to make up by yourself, because there will always be a trace back to it. Does that mean I should look down on Dali because he used a watch in his painting or Lovecraft because the word necro from Necronomicon derives from Greek to mean death? Not really. That would be kind of silly. Besides, as I've said before again, creativity is still possible. There's a bazillion stories out there that are the same, yet people fucking love them because someone included a giant elephant-hydra fusion into their version.

"Wait just a minute," the voice in my head would pleasantly interrupt, "You know damn well that I know that art is subjective in definition. But you and I both know that there are only three ways you view the word art being used, and lord knows you're just stalling to talk about the one I'm calling 'future hypocrite' on." To which I'd grit my teeth and then look at you in frustration because something that's in my head and is probably being controlled by me and not some other worldly force is whooping my ass. That voice...or I guess I am right here. No, what that voice...I mean I am referring to is the "thought provoking artsy" definition. What's that? Well, stop me if you've heard this.

You ever read a book in class that you were forced to read? You know how the teacher would ramble on for hours and hours on how your book relates to something in this day in age while you were wondering why you have to endure a few more years of the same process, just with a different book? You know how in the end of it all, you have to write about that certain part of the book that somehow connects to something that's happened to you? Well, that term that you get the annoying introduction to is called symbolism. Symbolism is to mediums as chocolate is to being smothered on dollar bills. Mainly that the chocolate is nice, but I want my dollar bills.

Ok, vague comparison. Allow me to drill deeper. Symbolism is nice to see. When someone notices it, it gives a story a sense of depth. For example, I watched FLCL because a friend of mine was recommending it and I just couldn't stop thinking about that awesome Canti character. And to sum it up, it was a roller coaster of everything I liked in animes and everything I hated in animes. But after watching it, I tried to figure out what was so symbolic about it. Which comes to the first problem with symbolic things. What is symbolic and what isn't.

Many things that have to implement some message in them have the problem of either being too blunt or too vague. That becomes a problem either way because no one likes extremes. The too blunt comes off as being a dick or a joke. You ever watched something that had the character say "I learnt something today"? Well, that's the basic blunt way of symbolism. Now this isn't bad when you need to make a point that is vital to make (in either the sense that you really stand by it and hope that you can fight the good fight (which means that when you argue it, you don't come across as a dick) or because you need to teach kids that looking both ways before crossing the street would be a wise idea." But when it comes to politics, religion or anything like that, you might as well wear a hat on your head that says "I'm a fag that believe in X, and whatever you say about it can't change my opinion. FOLLOW ME YOU BRAINLESS SHEEP."

The vagueness of symbolism is actually clever in some senses but it brings more problems than when you're being direct. When you face the problem of being too vague, then this creates the "Blue drapes" argument. For those who don't know about it, someone said that when they were in English class, they would listen to the teacher over-analyze a story by saying "The blue drapes represent the sorrow that the character is facing, or some foreshadowing to a tragic death" when really the guy was thinking "The drapes are fucking blue". That argument is basically stating that what could be symbolic, might just not be. For one, foreshadowing can only be amounted to cleverness if pulled off right and if you look at something a second time. But that wouldn't really make that much enhancements to it. That, and it can also fall to the problem of being too blunt.

Then there's the actual symbolism vs the viewer's symbolism vs other viewer's symbolism. This is catastrophic if it's in a mess. I mean, with some symbolism-heavy medias, sometimes the message is right there in a subtle manner. In even less of them, the author actually holds true to the general consensus of the symbolism people let out when they look at the media.

Getting back to FLCL, for the most part, it bases itself on being a "coming of age" story, with many things posing itself. Like the beasts Naoto faces are hardships he faces, and Canti/Raharu being the will to overcome those hardships, the fake eyelashes Amarao wears to symbolize a fake sense of maturity, Raharu representing the things that we hate about females and like about them once we're at that level of maturing and whatnot. But you know what? The dude behind this anime hasn't spilled the beans that much on the message behind it. For all we know, he could have been making the anime for the hell of it. Which may not be a big deal to some but a big deal to others.

At least with FLCL, there's a general idea of what the possible symbolism could be, but in other shows, the message can be mixed. People can actually bicker about what the blue drapes might just mean. Hell, this sometimes pisses the creator off when he realizes that his nihilistic message actually gets translated to a message about how we should all help to achieve world peace. In fact, anything, general consensus on the symbolism or not, can be misinterpreted as something else. Something that I don't see as a symbol could be viewed as such by someone and vice versa. Symbolism ends up becoming subjective which ruins the point of it's objective.

That to me is why when symbolism comes up, I laugh at people who go on about the message behind it. Or in some cases steam like mad. "But you inconsiderable twat, you just went on about FLCL symbolism," that voice will remind me. True. But I think what annoys me more is when people argue it as if it's a fight between who gets to fuck the hot damsel in distress they just saved and when people really center themselves on it. I'm ok with people being deep about things. It gives them a sense of complexity, as if they look at the world in a unique way, adding and taking away things they see fit. I'm like that. And sure, if people are civil about symbolism in mediums, it could make for some wonderful fancy dinner talk. But it gets a little preachy when someone just has to push that sort of idea that things have to be just that when there is no sense of dumb fun.

Now I know what that voice is going to say. "You want to hit Daniel Floyd in the balls, don't you? You've practically made it clear on occasions that you have a complex relationship with him. Hell, if it weren't for him, you wouldn't be writing this blog. You'd be playing InFamous right about now." And even though I'd like to be Mr. Different by being a guy that has a quasi-hatred for a guy many idolize, that would just make me look shallow and stupid. Plus, he has a bigger following than I do, so I'd probably lose a subscriber or 20 if I dared to do so. And let's not forget that bitching about internet celebrity's opinions is pretty fuck basement dweller of someone to do.

More importantly, I don't really hate him. I just don't have that same sort of "respect" for the guy that others do. I'm pretty sure he's a really nice guy. He sounds like it. I like that he speaks very elegantly and makes for good points without being as pretentious as others do. Hell, he evens states at times that he can enjoy something for it just being dumb fun and not filled to the brim with a "message". But something about what he does irks me a little.

For the most part, he's pushing this idea that video games need to become more evolved. Tackle tougher subjects. That video games are in a farther medium than anything else. Yadda yadda, all that good stuff. That's great, but doesn't it feel a little...forced? Ok, ok, I know. I'm crossing the line between civilized blogging to an annoying over-analyzation of Extra Credits, but I just want to point this out. With other works, the sense of evolution within a medium wasn't made by someone saying that we should propel the medium to becoming deeper with our minds. It just happened. Daniel's sort of forcing the change in evolution. Not directly mind you, but indirectly. And it just doesn't feel that natural. Besides, the medium of video games is still young and I'm sure that it'll happen at some point, but to ask for it feels a little unnatural.

Don't get me wrong, he makes good points in his videos, but the overall goal just feels iffy. "Will you stop with this already?" the voice (and probably most of you) yells, "Why are you bringing this nice chap up that you shouldn't really be over-analyzing so much anyways?" Reason being that Daniel's mentality, as I perceive it (HA! I knew I missed something), is the same mentality of the artsy folk that are thought provoking. Except at times, it gets way more extreme. Mainly they don't have a sense of "fun" and nitpick things. That and they just make the idea of symbolism seem more pretentious that it already is by the people that force symbolism. That's why I end up having this sort of hatred for something that I know I might implement to something someday.

It seems to me that the definition of art gets tossed around as something that I feel should be objective, but then takes the form of subjectivity when people bring in up in certain contexts. And while some fall under the category of "That's just how they view it" or "That's why they prefer X over Y", other times it falls to people having really effing high standards or me ending up with a fight against myself. What people think is a work of art is up to them, creativity is something I've discussed all too much to tread over again (until realizing that some people may just not understand that difference) and thought-provoking, symbolic works aren't necessarily bad. If something like a book, a movie or a game that's based on a fictional realm can actually trigger a person to think about more philosophical ideas, it actually doesn't really detract that much if done right. It probably enhances it. But I fail to see how some artsy work actually enhances the quality of works that aren't of such a thing.

Nonetheless, each definition of art manages to get me to hate in some way. The creative definition annoys me because people feel the need to confuse it with something else. The thought provoking definition angers me because so many manage to muck it up while leaving me with a confused taste in my mouth. And the objective one frustrates me because I can't be bothered to make it due to an immense sense of procrastination. I hope you enjoyed this read. And Daniel Floyd, if you somehow stumbled upon this blog by god knows offense and no hard feelings. You're a nice bloke, and I'm sure that you're just doing that you think is right for this medium. I hope no harm is done.   read

11:39 AM on 08.09.2011

Associated By The Asshats: Why Fanbases Can't Have Nice Things

Good day to you, fellow reader. Have a seat if you aren't doing so already. Today I am going to talk to you about a little something about fanbases. You see, with everything in this world, there are people that have a tendency to follow it for some reason. Whether it informs them, entertains them or astonishes them, people become fanatics about a certain person or a certain subject. And sometimes, fans start to accumulate at rapid rates as time progresses. But whether there's 10 or 10,000 fans that appreciate everything that the "idol" does, there's always something that occurs with these groups that ends up with others becoming less tolerable or disgusted by others who have no part in the group. Why exactly is that? Well, that my friend is not a hard question to answer. Fans themselves destroy their fanbase.

If this occurs as a shock to you, obviously you haven't been immersed in a group of people that have a profound interest for a long time. Which makes me envy you honestly, because when you see a fanbase you're a part of start to self-destruct, you get a very sickening feeling in your gut. Now perhaps you're wondering to yourself how the fans manage to ruin things for everyone else that's involved in the fanbase. Well, there's various ways, but I'm just going to look at the more prominent ones.

The Flamboyant Fans:

There are fans that usually like something in particular and then drop it after a few minutes of talking about it. These sort of fans come across as regular folk and not many really pay too much attention to them. But then you have the flamboyant fans. These are the kind of people that will make no mystery that they like a certain thing. Every action they take is a constant reminder of how huge fans they are. More than half of their conversation consists on talking about the thing that they love most in a positive light.

The main problem about these fans is that they're like that person that talks way too much. You know they're good people and you know it'll seem a little disrespectful to interrupt them while their talking, but you can't just be sitting there listening to them prattle on about it for 2 hours. You need to scream at them so that they'll take the hint. The thing about that is that these fans just seem to move on to someone else and wait for you to become less aggravated so that they may attempt to repeat the process again.

One thing to note about flamboyant fans is that they aren't the worst of the bunch. Sure, they will annoy everyone for a while, but they still have a good spirit. When the average "idol" comes up to meet the fans, they might sense a bit of a disturbance at most when interacting with these fans.

The Nitpicking Fans:

Fans are known to analyze the works of their "idol" a lot. Some just do it to absorb the greatness of the "idol". Others....actually do that as well. But, just picture for a second that both groups are thrown into the future. One of the groups will continue to absorb the greatness of the "idol" (perhaps at a lesser extent. Or greater, who knows?), while the other spends it's time reliving the past works of the "idol" only to find that all he analyzes about the recent works of the "idol" do not live up to it's past. That's the nitpicking fans in a nutshell.

The nitpickers stop at nothing to look over the work of the "idol" as many times as possible just to point out to others the problems of the series. The oddity of these fans is that they consider themselves part of the fanbase, but they spend most of their time moaning about the work rather than appreciating it or praising it. In fact it's rare for one of these sort of fans to actually be pleased by the "idol".

Now there's nothing wrong for fans to revolt against their "idol" if they do something that isn't of their norm. But when these fans try to create arguments, then end up infuriating the "idol" rather than helping them out. It makes the "idol" feel as though they can't do anything to please their fans. Most of the time, the "idol" lashes out at the entire fanbase and locks them out of what could have been. And let's face other people, the nitpicking fans just seem like bratty teen girls that spew out petty gossip. Who cares?

The Really Obsessive Fans:

I know what you're thinking right now. I already went over these sort of fans. Actually I didn't. Flamboyant fans are expressive about their obsession on the outside. The really obsessive fans are expressive about their obsession on the outside and the inside. Or in some cases, just the inside. They take their fandom over to some really really bizarre levels that usually comprise of them blurring the borders of sanity. They're the ones that insert OCs into fetish-fueled fan fictions. They're the ones that have their rooms covered with the work of their "idol". And they're the ones that can't think of anything else but their "idol".

Really obsessive fans are the ones that have very huge problems with their psyche. Because of that, they're subject to being easy targets to people that want to hurt the fanbase. Their reactions are violent and they can be attacked as many times as possible. Not only that, but when you really dig deep into the minds of these fans, you find things that just show how diluted their thoughts have become.

The sad thing about this is that the "idol" may look at them in fear. The fan could want to do unspeakable things to the "idol" and they may not know it. Most of the time "idols" avert any contact with these fans, but these fans are known to be very persistent which makes for various negative emotions to erupt amongst the fanbase.

The Jerkwad Fans:

I'm not sure how frequent these fans come about, but they seem to be rare from my observation. The jerkwad fan is basically one that that thinks that their "idol" is superior to everything. Anyone who dares to question their logic gets immediately crushed by their hand. They like to pick fights with people and don't care if others see their end result as a victory or a loss. The fan will always think that he was the winner.

These fans, albeit rare, are incredibly pesky. They demean other fanbases to make their point of how superior their "idol" is, making for those who are being attacked feel as the works of the "idol" that fan is a part of are atrocious. These fans take a long time to rid of and take an even longer time to fix the trouble they've created and the direction they led people outside of the fanbase.

Most of the time, the "idol" is not aware of the jerkwad fan. But when they are, it just makes them nod their head in shame and continue on with their work. Basically put, these sort of fans end up like a fart. Except they last for a longer time and call people names.

The Correlation and Conclusion

The best way to put is like so. You know how people can do tons and tons of really good things in their lifetime but everyone seems to remember them for that one bad incident? These fans serve as that bad incident. Most of the time, when a fanbase is looked upon, their view is obstructed by the ones that pester them. Whether the other people that look at the fanbase can get rid of the bad fans or not, they still see the fanbase as something idiotic and tend to hate on the group. Now that's not to say others that look at fanbases can't bring up good points about what's wrong with what the fanbase stands for, but they are still heavily affected by those sorts of fans.

The thing that becomes most upsetting is that the fans that are usually more civil and quiet end up becoming targets of slander due to what their brethren have done. And they know that these fans are the ones that get the most attention from everyone else, unless a fan were to do something really humbling to tribute the "idol". Nonetheless, the "idol" ends up encounter more attention from the lesser respectable fans. Depending on the "idol", they might just look over them, joke about them, lock every fan out of what could have been or simply quit doing what they do to end any form of interaction with their fans whatsoever.

I know some of you may consider this as someone pointing out the obvious of errors within a fanbase, but I just wanted to enter a little more deeply and figure out why fanbases end up becoming deformed as time goes on. Hell, from what I've figured out, this can actually fit into other groups of people...not just fanbases. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this blog   read

1:35 PM on 08.05.2011

The Thing About The Ripoff Complaint

Greetings, fellow g1s. I've been pondering this through a large amount of time. Usually, when I see a negative review, I hear the term "rip-off". A rip-off is either a product that is not worth all the money you spend for it, or a duplicate of a different product with a different name slapped onto it. My mind at first was against this sort of thing as it has become very monotonous to see the same thing being copied over and over again. Then my mind debated that I liked some things that did just that because the formula of said thing was enjoyable to through over and over again. But then that was counterattacked by the idea that some formulas get altered to become different, leaving my mind to wage a metaphorical war against itself with the various ideals that were flying from one side to the other.

Now, before I can talk even more about how things have been ripped off in various ways, I first have to talk about the complaint itself. When a viewer witnesses that a particular part of a game or movie has similar, if not identical elements of a different game or movie that they have experienced, their mind recognizes it and the person begins to think that this lacks any sense of originality whatsoever, which may turn them off. But here's the thing, people only refer to something being a ripoff, when various other factors of the product do not work fully to their advantage. Allow me to go deeper on this.

Wow, this was pretty witty of me.

If we want to strip everything down to the lowest form we wanted to, everything would be considered a ripoff. Think about it. Love, hatred, conflict, war, unity, conservation, sins, purity, morality, allignment and various other philosophical terms have been sewn into various stories. Including those that the creative design to us or the realistic that tell tales about thier older days. We've all experience the same emotions, we've all been X years old at some point or the other, we all have fingerprints. Simply put, nothing truly in this world is, or ever can be purely original. The thing that seperates us from one another is not how we're completely different than others, having our own little bubble that no one will be able to comprehend and decipher, but how we have been crafted in a different way with similar properties and take different parts of the world and morph them to our own vision. Movies and games work like this as well.


The thing with those things though is that some of us can't appreaciate it when it rips off something in a way that is inferior to the original portrayal after realizing it's a copy. For example, when Avatar came out, everyone, including me, hated it. The reason? It was basically Ferngully and/or Pocahontas with a more alienistic and fantasy-like feel coat of paint on it. Now, before I continue, I must address that even though I dislike that movie, it could have been worse. At least the look of the movie was nice, and I appreciate the effort they had when making the visuals, despite not being much of a graphics-goggler. It didn't deserve that much hate as it attempted to do a little more with it's story. Not that much, but enough to at least make it something that a person may consider renting. Now that I got that out of the way, allow me to continue.

Thank you for showing me this, /v/. Now quit acting like /b/.

The thing with repainting a story is that if you basically add nothing truly ground-breaking to your "rip-off", people will dislike it more. Flip's Twisted World gained a reputation for being a mediocre game mainly because it did not add anything to the rip-off of Super Mario Galaxy that was truly outstanding other than it was a different set of backgrounds and characters. It's not usually wise to just take a story and slap many minor changes (the design of the character, their occutation, the location) to it. Rather, you have to suckerpunch the story with a few major changes (the feelings of the character throughtout the story, the conflicts between characters, the atmosphere). But you know what's weird, with that said? TV parodies usually are "many minor changes to a story" played for laughs. And yet people seem to think it's alright. Then again, I suppose playing a story for laughs is considered alteration of the atmosphere, so I suppose it's ok. Speaking of which, alteration is an important term here.

In school, when you copy and paste a paragraph that greatky expresses your point-of-view on something and place it on an assignment, you're plagarizing. Yet if you were to take that same paragraph and word it differently, you're para-phrasing. Also known as, altering that paragraph. It's a way to display the point that you'd like to express that someone else has, but say it in a different way. Alteration is done in various games and movies, and it's what seems to make a rip-off, not much of a rip-off. Yet, if your alteration bombs and the fridge logic hits them that your creation was merely a previous creation with a different enough feel to it, they'll dislike it even more than they did when they saw that your creation was a dissapointing experience for them. That's the main two problems the repainting of a story that make it become notorious for being a rip-off. If you
make little changes that don't make that much of an impact on a creation, or if your creation is discovered as a ripoff of a different creation despite it having a good sense of alteration. Or it could be a poor sense of alteration combined with it's somewhat plagerized method.

Either I mindfreaked people, or I'm seeing things again.

Let me explain that a little better. We'll use the examples of Barb Wire and Avatar. Boy, I never thought I'd be putting those two films in the exact same sentence...but here I am, doing just that. Anyways, Avatar was a rip-off of Ferngully and/or Pocahontas, while Barb Wire was a rip-off of Casablanca. Both of them did not do that well with others. But the key difference is that Avatar became the grounds for a war that would never end, while Barb Wire was generally disapproved of from many viewers. Why? Well, James Cameron managed to blossom the enviroment that the movie was taking place. The characters might have still been the cardboard cut-out from either movie it was ripping off, but give the man credit for doing some creative changes. Barb Wire on the other hand changed the way that some events took place, but never changed the development of the characters or the surroundings. All it did as much as a drastic change is add a blond bimbo that can't act, even if her life depended on it, as the main protagonist to show off her massive rack.

Darth Vader, the most notorious character for altering the classic trope of "villain kills hero's father".

Now, the other method of "ripping off" that is less criticized is taking various different concepts to combine them into one creation. If you've noticed some of the best films on your list, you may notice that they're not original at the slightest. But do you complain? No. That's because they take so much from other things and mash it up into one single project. Who Framed Roger Rabbit, my favorite movie, borrowed from the Golden Age of Cartoons as well as various noir films. Star Wars, one of the greatest films in the world borrowed from westerns, samurai movies, science fiction, fantasy, action movies and more to create a breathtaking experience. Matt Greoging took various pop-culture references into hist two shows, the Simpsons and Futurama. Now, why don't people complain that it took all of these creations and created some warped fanfiction with their own OCs? It's because it took a bunch of different ideas, altered them a little bit and made it into one new creation.

The best way to explain this is with tropes. We've all seen tropes, right? They're everywhere. But do we complain about every single trope? No. It's because tropes that have been used a lot can be inverted, parodied, subverted, etc, to make a different expression of said trope. That way, the trope can be exploited in a new and more interesting way. Now, I'm starting to feel contradicting with saying that certain aspects are new when I stated that nothing in this world is original. In fact, the following points are basically the points that I'm trying to make here.

I wish I really had this gavel.

Nothing nowadays is original when it comes to components. If we wanted to complain about originality with every work that came our path, we'd be fighting non-stop. Yet, creativity thrives as it takes what we already have and makes something different out of it. Is it original? The components aren't. But the form and structure of the creation is. That, to me, is what complaining about originality really means. That something has the exact same components as something else. Can this still be considered a complaint? Not entirely. Even if it's too blatant, does not alter enough for the viewer to discredit it and consider it a creative spin and does not offer anything for the viewer to gain enjoyment from it, complaining about it is a tad silly. The complaint can only be truly justified is a person is taking a creation that isn't theirs and calling it their own without any alteration or with very little alteration (which means remixes) or giving someone credit.

I'll say this though, you can still say that a person did not fully manage to create something more with the component that they had (I mean, Sonic fan-characters are basically like that, and I can't say I'm a fan of them). And you can still dislike something that was altered. Various other things come into play, such as if the creator is admiring something that they use or if you enjoyed seeing the change of something. But this still leaves me with questions. How are you not sure it was merely coincidence? And shouldn't something be judged by it's own merits to be criticized fairly rather than it's connections? Don't we like certain things that turn out to be very generic?

There you have it. I tried to make my point as clear as I could, and I feel as though I've still left some mixed messages, but just know that trying to talk about creativity (alongside originality), is no easy subject. Ask any philosopher or pyschologist, and you'll see what I mean. Hope that you understood my point and liked my blog.   read

1:19 PM on 08.05.2011

The Credability Blues - Why People Can Lose Their Appeal Towards Something

If there's one thing you need to have in the buisness in order to become successful is credability. You do good things and have a good attitude, you can usually end up in a good place. With a series, you need to know exactly what your audience wants. And by doing that, you need to leave a good impression on your audience. But even if you do leave a good impression on your audience, you have to make sure that people will be able to enjoy the next part of the series or the series as a whole. But if you don't, you'll be singing these blues. Today, I'm here to see what could cause a series to lose it's appeal from newcomers and/or veterans.

Changing Major Things In A Series:

A series is like a tower of Jenga blocks. You have to be very careful with it or else everything will end up in shambles. Usually, companies know what to do so that their product doesn't end up collapsing onto themselves. That's because they do small precise moves. But when it comes to something major in a series, changing how everything works out usually ends up in disaster. I mean, there's a lot of flame wars that have brewed up in the past. And there's possible three reasons as to why that is.


Now, what do I mean by attitude? Well...I'm talking about the whole feel of a series. You know, if it's for kids or for adults. If it's a comedy or a tradegy. If it's symbolic or just there for the sake of being there. When you grab your series and decide to work around certain guidelines, it makes it quite difficult for you to switch to a different sort of feel. What do I mean? Well, suppose we got something over the top goofy. It's beyond non-sensical. It basically has no point whatsoever and follows a simple formula. Now we take this series and give it a dose of extreme character development, complex plot elements and explanation.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "This actually would be a more suitable change for a series." But let's examine this further. Say that this series simplicity allows for people to enjoy it. That it's over the top madness allowed for wonderful moments. By switching it all over and causing the structure of a series to be altered, there is a chance that it will weaken the series as a whole. But what series could we name that has switched the attitude, causing for shark-jumping to occur. Well, there's a lot to name, but I seem to be concerned with the Sonic comic book series for some reason.

From extensive research and TV Troping, I've realized that the Sonic comic
book series has been deemed questionable. I mean, the original product of the Archie corporation is Archie, a comic book based on a guy that loves two girls...but would never end up in a threesome with them. Simply put, it's old-fashioned morals in a new world. Now this company is quite benign and the Sonic comic book series are usually forgotten of. Why? Well, around Issue 50, I believe, there had been a sudden spike of absurdity. How so? Well...they just found a way to turn "hedgehog vs mad scientist going after magic jewels" into "spiky mammal who works among a rebellious organization engaging in heated battle against a completely maniacal robot-creator along with other villainous character going after mind-boggling historical artifacts that can affect the world." Simply put, it overcomplicated everything.

The fact of the matter is, the game's didn't have that much backstory. They simply had the basics of a hero/villain dilema. I mean, even when the previous issues were releases, they still stayed somewhat true to the series's feel. They just added a few more members. But slowly, it became more clustered. By making it more clustered, the comics were just left as a subject of debate amongst the hardcore of the hardcore Sonic fans and were ignored by the other Sonic fans. It just wasn't how they invisioned the series.


The cast of series is vital for making your series enjoyable to the consumer. Without characters that you can cling to, your series will slowly lose it's appeal. But how does the cast of a series actually affect it in a negative way? Well, there's adding a character, killing a character off and altering a character. Adding a character isn't a bad idea. But you can guarantee chaos through flame wars (or large rating drops), this character that you are adding must be used in order to gain a new demographic or if this character is before or after the permanent death of a character. Killing a character overall is a very risky procedure. Especially if you decide to shoot in the dark and kill someone that actually made your series redeemable. Finally, if you alter a main character in a manner most unfitting...I can't really say that you're safe.

But if you would like me to develop even further on these two (since the third one is more related to my first point) ideas, then I shall. Adding a character usually means that the other characters must interact with this particular character. And sometimes, the way that they interact trigger a domino effect. That emotion translates into a plot point or a conflict. Perhaps it would be better if I gave you an example. Have you seen The Fairly Odd Parents at some point? Well, if you have, you might have either seen a rerun of an old episode or a rerun of a recent episode. The way you can tell if it's old or new is the addition of Poof. Poof was a character that was added to series for a reason that I don't of. Anyways, by adding Poof into the show, there was more focus in raising Poof. Basically, he would serve as a nuisance that would distract viewers from the main focus. If this still isn't getting to you, then just look at the Raving Rabbids series as a whole. Once you do, maybe you'll understand how the predicament arises. But if not, then I can't spoon feed you anymore. Moving on....

Killing off a character is nothing out of the ordinary. In cartoons, death can occur...and at times it's just random bystanders, one-time filler characters or just an reoccuring joke. But then there's the issue of permanently killing off a character that was a large part of the series. Now, would it be safe to say that no show could pull this move off right? Not really. But the thing is that if a new character is replacing the old one, it must find a way to connect to the series as a whole but at the same time avoiding being the same character with a different design. Therefore, by replacing the character, you face the problem of trying to complete a puzzle with a different shaped piece. But then you may ask yourself what would happen if a major character dies and they don't get replaced. Well...truth be told, that rarely occurs. And if it did, the series would need solid characters that could fill that hole in without having to replace it. And chances are that it won't happen.


This particular argument can't be applied to anything else except games. So techinally, I'm creating 2.5 arguments to back up my view as to why a series could lose it's creditability. But since this is Screwattack, I might as well be talking about this. Like the other two choices in this list, gameplay gets familiar in a series once you establish it. If your games are platformer, they follow the platformer mechanics. The only thing that changes with gameplay is the controls. And in order to make people come back to your series, you need to add things that they like, remove things they hate and test out new things to see if it works or not. But if there's one thing you usually don't want to do, is change it too much, or else you'll create a black sheep of the series. Case in point, Super Paper Mario.

Super Paper Mario is considered by many, the black sheep of the series. Not many fans of the series enjoyed this game. Why? Well, it decided to ditch the RPG element that the series was fond of and instead gave it a more platform like engine. Instead of having to do turn based battles, you did it in real time. And there was more puzzle involved in the game (though mostly all the puzzles's solutions were "DERP FLIP FROM 2D to 2.5/3D"). Since the vast majority of gamers were more familiar to the stragetizing, grinding and side-mission aspect of the games, it was reasonable to see why Super Paper Mario was left out. Now, the thing about this change (as well as the others) is that flame wars often erupt because of this. And they simply become a matter of "you can't be in the middle of this argument" because of the canon-wise vs single-wise debate.

The Canon-Wise and Single-Wise debate is one that causes fans to go overboard when discussing a black sheep game. Some fans will take the series as a whole and analyze it with relevance. And since usually black sheep games aren't canon, gameplay-wise, these fans go crazy. Others would rather discredit the series as a whole and simply look at the game by itself. By doing so, they take into account everything and see if the game itself holds up well. And if it does, they usually side with the other side. Put them both together to talk about the game and prepare to clean up a bloody mess afterwards.

Finding the needle in the haystack:

This problem is one that can be viewed in two ways. The first way is that if you want to truly enjoy the series, you have to be really invested in the series. Basically, if you're a casual fan of this series, you're not going to comprehend why this series is good. Or maybe you find the series to be good, but you don't see why it should be glorified at a level such as the one the fans do. The second way is that the series only gets good at a certain point (or it only was good at a certain point). So if you're at the era where is was good, you have to make the most out of it. And if you weren't in that era, then that means that you're going to have a little trouble enjoying the series as others do. These two share the same sentiment, since you really have to dig around in order to see what's so wonderful about the series.

The first way that we look at this argument is more prone to overusing the term "overrated" since the scenario that the fans create allows for others to see the weaknesses of this magnum opus. For you see, the fans start enjoying the series too much. They absorb the series and try to make it their life. By letting the series possess them, they're doomed to become the marketing puppet of the creator. Since they're being controlled by this series and are fooled to believe that this series is the best thing to happen to mankind, their extremist fanaticism causes them to alter opinions into fact. By blinding the consumer from what's proven and what's up to them to decide, they'll glorify the series as a tribute to the beauty they have been given. But when someone isn't hypnotized by the siren's song and comes by fans that are too gullible to know fact from opinion, they tend to disagree with the fans (whether it is because the series isn't that good or the series isn't good, period), which as we all know, means trouble.

The second way that we look at this argument is more prone to misunderstanding and bad timing. If there's something that we can sometimes say about a series, is that it has eras. For example, in cartoons, they're might be different animators. Like in the Looney Tunes, there was Tex Avery, Chuck Jones, Friz Freleng and some random person for cartoons made on the site. The problem here is if there's an era that's a fan-favorite, if you're at the wrong era, you might not understand what's so special about the series. You'll just shrug your shoulders and ignore the series. Hell, if you are in a different era, you might think that this era is much better than the fan-favorite, which in turn, makes you a public enemy of the fans of the series.

Prejudgemental Paralysis:

Perhaps the most common and the most barbaric reason of them all, prejudgemental paralysis means that you've been frozen by something that you've seen from a preview for a new addition for a series and immediately, without second thought, you're in total opposition of the new addition. Now, why could this be a turnoff to a series as a whole? Well, there's the issue of others thinking that the series isn't good at all. That it's basically a "Oh come on!" moment. Then there's the issue of making a total fool out of other fans of the series.

How can a person predict that this new addition for the series would cause the whole series to be ruined, simply by a screenshot? There is none. Unless you work in the project, in which case, you shouldn't be giving the people spoilers until the project is done. So, to assume that this next part of the series is going to be awful makes you into a complete imbecil. And if you convince others that, then you're making them into imbecils. And if you take your assumption further and try to stop the new project, you're pratically doing a kamikaze on your own fanbase. In other words, prejudment to the extreme will ruin the fanbase as a whole. And if you ruin the fanbase, you ruin the opportunity to get others involved in the fanbase. There really isn't anymore to add to this.


With a series, you need to make sure that your audience can continue enjoying what they've been clinging onto while making newcomers seem interested into taking a peek at your series. But sometimes you may not know what's best. And when that happens, you just have to hope that it wasn't a huge mess up that you'll have a difficult time cleaning up. But hey it's not always your fault. Sometimes, your fans will create too much fighting over something that's simply opinion-based. Just know that your series is delicate and you have to make sure that you do what's right so that your audience does right. That way, your appeal and creditability stay strong.   read

11:27 AM on 08.05.2011

GameJudge Case #3: Moon Madness

Date: August 1st
Time: 10:40 PM
Location: Abandoned Pokemon Warehouse

First Pokemon Executive: Come on, we got to dig up some more things for the next game.

Second Pokemon Executive: I still can't believe we're still doing this, I mean we've already made a Pokemon out of everything imaginable

First Pokemon Executive: Shut the fuck up, man and just look for the stuff.

Second Pokemon Executive: But you know that's true.

First Pokemon Executive: YES, I DO. But people are still buying our games and people still like our products! Shove it already!!

(sound is heard)

Second Pokemon Executive: Did you just hear that?

First Pokemon Executive: I heard the sound of you not getting the "new" ideas for the next game. Now come on, get the files

(same sound is heard, but louder)

Second Pokemon Executive: I'm getting the fuck out of here

First Pokemon Executive: You better not fucking run, you little bitch!!

Second Pokemon Executive: Screw you man, I've been here for an hour and I'm really sick and tired of your shit. I'm heading home.

First Pokemon Executive: Alright, run you coward. More money for me.

(looks at something)

First Pokemon Executive: Can I help you? Hey...what are you doing? Get away from me. Aaaah!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Date: August 2rd
Time: 2:03 PM
Location: James's Office

James: (reads newspaper) Another random murder happened in the city. This time in the abadoned Pokemon warehouse. Man, what is this world coming to?

Sarah: I'm not quite sure myself. Here's your coffee, by the way.

James: Thank you, Sarah. (drinks some of the coffee) Mmm...french vanilla.

Sarah: Anything else I could do for you?

James: No, I'm ok right now. You can take your break now.

Sarah: It's kind of early...

James: I know...but I don't have anything else for you at the moment. Plus, you were working quite hard on those files yesterday, so you deserve this.

Sarah: Thank you, James.

James: Don't mention it.

(Sarah exits, James reads paper)

James: Oh, Mario's Stars are going up against Link's Fairies in the VGNBA

(someone bursts through front door)

???: (catches breath)

James: Whoa, what the fuck was that?

???: (exhaustedly tries to explain by miming out the events that occured to him)

James: Something tried to kill you?

???: (nods in agreement)

James: I see...

???: (finally catches breath, brings up a text box)

James: You got a new iTextbox?

???: Yeah, they were having a sale

James: Well, as impressive as that technology may could just talk to me.

???: The only language I'm known to speak in is Raynesian. So I have to use the iTextbox in order for you to understand.

James: Oh..

???: The name's Rayman.

James: You're Rayman?! Man, I've heard so much about you.

Rayman: You sure? Last I checked, the Rabbids are the big thing nowadays.

James: Fuck those long-earred bastards, you're the main event. I mean, I remember playing an N64 game of yours with a beautiful green cartridge. It was wonderful...a little long, but still wonderful.

Rayman: Well, thank you. Anyways, I bet you're wondering what attacked me.

James: Not really...but I might as well ask what did.

Rayman: It was those long-earred bastards you've been talking about.

James: Really?

Rayman: Yep. Those bastards want me dead, and I have no idea why.

James: It's probably because they view as some sort of threat.

Rayman: A threat? Me? I could never hurt them...sure, throw them a plunger, but never hurt them.

James: Not a physical threat. Maybe as a different sort of threat.

Rayman: How would you know?

James: Well, it's probably from the games that I sort of saw them look at you as a threat. (drinks the rest of the coffee)

Rayman: (thinks about it) Ooooookay. Well, I've decided to sue them for 120 counts of attempted murder

James: (spits coffee) What?! 120?! Are you fucking serious?!


James: .....

Rayman: Oh right, I need pictures. (pulls out folder filled with pictures)

James: (looks over pictures) Damn, they really do want you dead.

???: Not so fast, you charlatan!

James: Huh?

Rayman: Oh god no...

???: I demand that you don't sue us for our game as his are far worse

James: Wait, what? He's suing you for 120 counts of murder...not for you game.

Rayman: (gets nervous) Actually, I was going to sue them for the lastest game that they have in store.

James: On what account?

Rayman: (slams fist on desk) On the Luigi's Mansion Principle!

James: (eyes widen)

???: Now, Rayman, that's just preposterous!

Rayman: You shut up, Mr. Rabbid

Mr. Rabbid: Screw you.

Rayman: I was here first, and I presented my case first, so I automatically get this lawyer for both cases.

James: I don't think so.

Rayman: Say what?

James: (points angrily at Rayman) I will NOT take the second case for the Luigi's Mansion principle. I'll take your other case, but not this one.

Rayman: B-but...

James: I SAID NO! Either take the offer as it is, or I'll decline your case.

Rayman: Fine...

(the three shake hands)

Rayman and Mr. Rabbid: See you in court, fucker!

(Rayman and Mr. Rabbid exit, Sarah comes back in, looking at an upset James)

Sarah: I could hear you yelling from across the hallway.

James:'s just that one of them said something that really annoyed me.

Sarah: Oh...what was it?

James: I don't want to talk about it...

Sarah: Alright. Anything I can do for you?

James: As a matter of fact...there is. I need you to get some info on the case of Rayman v. Rabbids on the count of 120 attempted murders. I just want to know if there's any more I'm missing

Sarah: Ok, James. (grabs files and leaves)

James: (sighs) Why...why did I have to be part of that case?

Flashback Date: November 17, 2002
Flashback Time: 4:00 PM
Flashback Location: Supreme Court of Gaming Courtroom

You are hereby striken of all gaming ranks, of all rights of an independant title and of any credability of a video game character that will ever be respected outside of the original series.

James: No, this can't be...I can't lose this case

You shall be sentenced to pay the community via 1000 hours of community service and 2000 coins. Court is adjourned.


Date: Still August 2nd
Time: 10:30 PM
Location: Assistant's Research Domain

Sarah: Well, I really can't find anything else other than these files James gave me.

(James yells out "DAMNIT")

Sarah: What was that? Oh well...might as well keep working on this...

(James yells out "MOTHERFUCKER" louder)

Sarah: That sounded like James.

(James yells out "WHYYYYYY?!" even louder)

Sarah: I better see what's going on with him. (walks to James's office as she sees him grabbing a bottle of scotch and pouring it in a glass)

James: It's always fun trying to find these little pieces of fucking evidence for a case you know you can't win.

Sarah: James?

James: Oh...sorry there, sweetheart...I didn't hear you over the sound of how much of a failure I'm going to become in just a few days.

Sarah: I've never seen you like this...

James: What? Drunk?

Sarah: No...I've seen you drunk. I'm talking about how depressed you are right now.

James: have? I never knew that...(chugs his scotch)

Sarah: What happened to you?

James: It's nothing...I'm just trying to look for evidence...little tiny insignificant pieces of evidence is all.

Sarah: Come on, you've been acting strange ever since you told me to research this case. At least that's what the other lawyers are telling me.

James: (sighs) I might as well tell you. (pours drink) When...when I heard the term "Luigi's Mansion Principle" brought me back to a case I had...a case I lost. My first loss actually.

Sarah: The Luigi Mansion Principle? What is that?

James:'s now a way that people can sue games now. The Luigi Mansion Principle used to be called the Mario's Missing Law. It's basically that "If a game takes a tag-along character from the series and places it as the main character of the adventure, the game will end up becoming terrible or mediocre". I tried to defend Luigi after Luigi's Mansion, but failed miserably. Sure, now the game's verdict changed, but Luigi still ended up in a bad place after that case. (shows her a letter he got from Luigi)

Sarah: "Dear James, Thanks...thanks for ruining my life...not only did I have to work for 10 aching hours on tedious tasks for 100 days of my pathetic life but I'm still getting Mario's cock rubbed in my face, just to remind me how tiny my penis is. Everyone thinks I'm a fool and I'm constantly mocked. The only one who gave a fuck and did things to actually aid me was my girlfriend, Daisy. My brother's too busy boning that whore-of-a-princess to care about me. The last time we had any fun, he jumped on my fucking head to get every powerup that came across our path. All I wanted was a simple walk, and he ended up making it to a competition. And those 2000 coins were going to pay for Daisy's engagement ring. Now, I had to get her a crappy tiny zircon ring instead of a elegant large magic quartz ring. Again, a big fuck you I hope this eats at your conscious so much that you can't even SLEEP, you amateur maggot. Insincerely yours, Luigi Mario."

James: The worst part about it is that I had taken other cases with that principle. I changed position, becoming the prosecutor, constantly winning against each of the cases, only to see the aggravated faces of my opponents' clients spit in my face as they walked away from the courtroom. Sure, I got some cash...but I ended up angering a lot of people. This sort of case ended up becoming my one-way ticket to douchebaggery. And I decided to take the other end of the stick so that for once, I couldn't anger my client in one of these cases. But every time I try to think that's even remotely possible, I just play back the last time I was defendant in one of these cases.

Sarah: Wow...that's quite a story there.

James: Yeah...anyways, I have to head home now...

Sarah: Shall I still work on the case?

James: Nah, you can pick up on it later.

Sarah: Alright, let me just put the files in your office.

James: Ok...night Sarah.

Sarah: Night, James.

Date: August 3rd
Time: 9:40 PM
Location: Spring Yard Casino and Hotel Room 512

Worm 1: Man, that was some wager you had in the roulette.

Worm 2: Hey, what can I say? I'm a gambler.

Worm 3: Indeed you are. By the way, thanks for letting me stay here.

Worm 2: No problem, mi cuarto es tu cuarto.

Worm 1: Heh...yeah...

(thump is heard from above room)

Worm 3: What the hell was that?

Worm 1: I dunno...all I'm concerned with is getting to bed.

Worm 2: Yeah, it's like 12 right now.

Worm 3: Same here.

(thump is heard again, louder and more frequent)

Worm 1: Sounds like someone's getting freaking upstairs.

Worm 3: Get a room!

Worm 2: They already have one...

(ceiling crashes and something attacks two of the worms)


Worm 3: Holy fucking shit!

Worm 1: Get the shotgun in the suitcase, you nitwit. I can't prod this thing any longer

Worm 3: Alright. ("runs" for suitcase but then gets stopped by something)!!!

(all the worms slowly die as a large howl-like noise is emitted from the room)

Date: August 3rd
Time: 6:00 PM
Location: Supreme Court of Gaming Courtroom

Alright. Case of Rayman vs Rabbids. Rayman is suing the Rabbids for the latest game that they star in, Rabbids Go Home, because of the Luigi's Mansion Principle. James, you're defending the Rabbids is being defending by Admiral Razorbeard. Wait, what?

Admiral Razorbeard: Yarrrg, I minored in law. Long story short, I had a crush on a girl. Me love liked them crafty dogs.

Yeah, him...

Rayman: I had to do some dirty work...

Uh...not gonna ask. Anyways, James won the beer chugging contest, so he gets to go first.

Mr. Rabbid: Alright, go ahead.

James: Ladies and gentlemen. I hold in my hand a document of a review of a Mr. DryChris. He states "Despite this game being different than what we've seen and having sort of a repetitive and tiring concept, it still is a game that you can enjoy. It's not as bad as people make it out to be." What does this have to do with the case? Simply that just because the Rabbids are the main ones in the games doesn't make the game all that bad.

Rebuttal, Mr. Razorbeard?

Admiral: I got a rebuttal right here! (grabs a blunderbass and shoots near James)

James: Holy Sacramento! You're not in the New York Stock Exchange, man. Chill!

Besides attempted murder, anything else you would like to say to James's argument?

Admiral: Well, matey, you can't simply use a bloody argument from a MS Painter. Besides, this game doesn't have me in it. That already makes this game terrible. Pegpulling aside, yer argument is only of one insignificant fool. Not only that, but the game itself is pretty much dull at the start. shall we start with a subject already?

Admiral: Yar, go ahead, lad.

Randomometer GO! (the Randomometer lands on a pixelated character) Graphics it is! Want to have another chugging contest?

Mr. Rabbid: Your honor!

Fine...I can't have any fun...go ahead James...

James: The graphics for the game are good. Not stellar but they're nice to look at. The humans in the game seem fitting with the style and the stages are kind interesting. Let's not forget that the "cutscenes" are quite nice.

Admiral: OBJECTION, MATEY! I'm pretty sure that the landlubbers were pretty scurvy. In a bad way. And those little animated cutscenes aren't quite so nice.

James: I guess so. But even with that said, the backgrounds in the game are quite stellar. Especially the Las Vegas level.

Admiral: There be a Las Vegas level? This be quite unfortunate for me...

James: And...after comprehending your response a bit more, I understand what you mean by the cutscenes being bad. They were ok, but it felt like a waste. Still, we're not talking about throwing the money in the garbage with the graphics, we're talking about the graphics themselves.

Admiral: Yaaarg, hold it! The judge never specified what specifically of the graphics we be talking about. We can talk about them being pointless.

That's quite true...

James: Are you honestly nitpick on something so meaningless and moronic like that? Good fuckity god, that's absolutely absurd. Look, maybe they didn't need to be there, but at least they look good.

Admiral: Oh, so ye want to have a conversation over their quality. Alright, me hearty. (throws circular saw at James)

ADMIRAL! Next time you do that, I will lock you up after this case reaches a verdict. You hear me?!

Admiral: I can't help it. I be having a bit of malfuctions lately. Haven't upgraded to Windows 7. Yarharharhar!

(whole court is quiet)

Admiral: Anyways, I'll be telling ye me reason as to why this "cutscenes" are crap. These graphics just ARRRRRRRE crap. They look pretty dull to me.

James: (facepalms) Judge, can we please move to the next subject? This is getting us nowhere...

Agreed. Let's move on to...(shakes magic 8 ball) music!

James: The music in this game is something that I haven't seen before. I mean, it's just so lively. It gives the game it's own flavor. The title song is so soothing. But slowly it turns into a bombastic tune of utter mayhem. The other songs with the band range from being calming and mysterious to wacky and insane. And they tone down the whole popular songs from the minigames and put in some more old and obscure filler songs.

Admiral: Ye can't just say that without backing up your statement, now can ye?

Rayman: Oh brother (facepalms and shakes head).

James: That's right. Allow me to give you this cassette containt the three best songs in the game.

(Cassette is added to evidence)

Let me have a look at them...(plays cassette on a audio player) - Horă De Joc - Bătută Din Moldova - Ciocarlia

Mr. Rabbid: Who carries a cassette and an cassette player these days?

Well...I can clearly see that those songs are good.

Admiral: Ye can't be serious. Just because he shows ya three shanties, doesn't mean that the whole soundtrack be that good. I mean, some of those filler songs are awful.

Prove it.

Admiral: Uhh....erm...yaaaaarg....I demand a reccess!

Then a reccess we'll have! Court dimissed for twenty minutes.

James: Oh right, I forgot your you are. (hands him screenshot of graphics)

Thank you for that. (Screenshot is added to evidence)

Sasha: James, I have something to show you.

James: What is it?

Sasha: Meet me in the Assistant's Research Facility.

James: Alrighty.

Date: Still August 3rd
Time: 8:40 PM
Location: Assistant's Research Facility

Sasha: You remember when you sent me to investigate the newspaper articles?

James: Yeah....wait, I know where this is found more evidence.

Sasha: Not for your case, but I did find out something else. You know those attacks that have been going on?

James: Yeah...what about them?

Sasha: The rabbids have been behind them!

James: What makes you say that?

Sasha: Recall the marks that Rayman had. The victim of the Pokemon Warehouse attack had the same marks. And so did the worms in the Spring Yard Hotel and Casino. Let's not forget the massacre in the alleyways of Dickville.

James: Dickville?

Sasha: You know, that place with that ripoff merchant and dog prodigy guitarist? It used to be called Ambertown until the mayor got murdered.

James: Ooooooh....but why are they attacking?

Sasha: What do they all have in common?

James: Erm...they're animals with cartoonish features?

Sasha: And what are the Rabbids?

James: (thinks for a moment) My all makes sense. All of the people that have been killed are a threat to the Rabbids. By eradicating them, the Rabbids could gain success. But then that means that their next threat is...oh fuck, how much time do we have?

Sasha: 50 minutes

James: We got to finish this case and fast. (runs to courtroom but then returns) But first let's get something to eat. We still got time.

Date: Still Fucking August 3rd
Time: 9:00 PM
Location: Supreme Court of Gaming Courtroom

Okay...we took the reccess. Mr. Razorbeard...

Admiral: What do ye want?

You were going to prove to me that your last argument is right...well?

Admiral: Well...uh...erm....


Admiral: But I wasn't even going to do it...well I did ye know?

I can read minds...ok?

Admiral: Grr...err...RAAAA!!! (shoots at James countless times, missing)

Make that three!

Admiral: MOTHER OF PEARL!! (shoots at James even more)

I will make that five years if you continue, Mr. Ra-

James: Just move on to the next case already, your honor!

Ok. But my point still stands. Let's go to the next subject...(flips a coin)...gameplay. You have the floor, Razorbeard. But the next time you try killing James and he'll automatically win this case.

Rayman: You do it, and I won't bail you out.

Admiral: Yeesh. Alright, matey. I'll fancy yer wager. Let's see, (looks at instructions booklet) ye move with the control stick, ye accelerate with the A button, ye make the Rabbids scream by shaking the Wiimote and ye can launch a Rabbid with the Z button. Alright, well, when launching the Rabbid, it takes quite a while to get the target that ye want. Sometimes, yer momentum can't be changed and you end up losing all of yer booty. And there's a bit of inconsistency in the levels. At times I can fall off the ledge and at other times I can't? What be that blasphemy?

James: Allow me to retort. First off, the Wii Motion Plus was released before that game got released, and that fixed that problem. Second, you probably just suck at the game as I had no problem with momentum. Although that Las Vegas level was a little aggravating. Mind if I add that as evidence, your honor?

Sure...can't really say if that helps you or not...but go ahead.

(Las Vegas level's aggravation added to evidence)

Admiral: Actually, a bigger compliant that I could address is how easy this game be.


Overruled...let him finish.

Admiral: Thank ye, yer honor. Allow me to bring Rayman as me witness.

(courtroom starts talking)

Order! Let's bring him up to the stand.

Admiral: Now, Rayman. Tell the courtroom why this game isn't worth yer dabloons.

Rayman: Why certainly. I played this game because those a-holes in Ubisoft
made me. And when I plated it, I beat it around 5 or 6 hours. Some of the flaws in the game slowed me down for a while, but I managed to get a lot of things very fast. And the boss fights were pretty easy. They seemed quite pointless. I mean, they're not a fucking challenge.

Mr. Rabbid: I beg to differ, Rayman. I mean, didn't James just add Las Vegas level's aggravation to the evidence? And some of the boss fights took some to complete. Not that much, but they weren't piss easy. And furthermore you do need timing in this game. And you do need to play it some more times to...oh...I dunno...GET ALL OF THE COLLECTIBLES?! Seriously Rayman, you never thought of that?!

James: (looks at the time) Oh Jesus fucking Christ. EVERYONE HIT THE DECK!


James: Just do it if you don't want to die!

Oh...well then...

(everyone ducks)

Mr. Rabbid: You want to know something, Rayman? (moonlight slowly creeps on to him as the courtroom gets darker) You're just jealous. You envy the Rabbids because Ubisoft left you for dirt. Oh wait, they're going to give you a game.'s more of that you're jealous of our success. Look this game isn't that bad and it isn't all that wonderful...

Don't do the verdict, that's my job!

Mr. Rabbid: You shut up, your honor. As I was saying...the game isn't the best nor is it the worst, but's it damn well better than anything YOU HAVE DONE!!
(moonlight shines on Mr. Rabbid and he transforms into a crazy Rabbid) BWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Rayman: Oh shi- (Mr. Rabbid slams Rabbid against courtroom wall and the two fight for quite some while)

I want to get out of here alive, so I'll get to the verdict. Rabbids Go Home is an ok game. It's short and it's easy. But that's not to say that it doesn't have a few challenges here and there. The music's nice, the graphics are ok and the gameplay's simple to master. Not to mention that the Las Vegas level is quite a marvel. The court favors James. Court is adjourned. Now...if you'll excuse me, I got to get the fuck out of here. (runs away and comes back) Also, Razorbeard, report to the slammers immediately or I will utter a paradox instantly (runs away)

Admiral: Yarrgh! That be no fair...I'll see ye later, Jamesy-boy!

James: least I finally won a case having to do with the Luigi's Mansion Principle.

Luigi: I still hate you!

James: Yeah...well, you're a little fucking wimp that's under your brother's shadow.

Rayman: Hey, James...(James looks at him). Can you pass me something so I can finally kill off this Rabbid?

James: Sure...(throws him a stone and then walks away)

Sasha: Well that was some case, wasn't it?

James: sure sure was...(smash is heard, Rabbid is dead)   read

3:21 PM on 08.04.2011

Corporate Copycats - How Repetition Has Affected Us

Hello. I am here to talk about repetition. Repetition as a whole. As a whole meaning that I'm here to talk about repetition inside this world. Now, as some fancy little scholar said, "History repeats itself." And, it has come to my attention that this person is right. We are cursed to relive a loop of recurring events in our life. Don't believe me? Well, I'll prove it.

In Dec. 31, 1999, people went ballistic and chanted across the streets "THE END IS NEAR! THE END IS NEAR!". Jan. 1, 2000 came along and everyone was fine. What's gonna happen in Dec. 20-ish, 2012? People are going to do the same thing, even though we, as humans, really can't be that foolish to believe that...but there are weeaboos and Twilight fans lurking about, so that's practically proving my statement wrong. What else? James Cameron released a lame movie (Titanic) that got money gushing out of the theatres in seconds, later having people chant out that the movie is overrated while that man was too busy listening to the sound of highest-grossing records being smashed. Judaism got sucker-punched by their sister religion, Christianity. Some big figure becomes the threat to America, but once it's taken out, they find another enemy. A radical figure gets appointed into power and everyone wants to get him killed, which then slowly leads to a spiral downwards. So, yeah, the world does seem to be going in a loop. But is that really bad? Well, it depends...


The things Nostalgia Critic teaches me. Also, boobs.

If there is one medium that has managed to make repetition into a day-to-day hobby, it's the movie industry. Like any other industry, all it wants is cash. Sweet sweet cash. At times a director will look down at a crowd and ask himself/herself what they would enjoy. Afterwards, this director would sweat as much as possible to publish something for the crowd to enjoy. But then we have the case of the drunkard director that takes an already good idea and alters it to their pleasing to later create a disaster, that somehow gets them cash. This is as basic as getting an already established story, ripping it out of the movie you wish to copy, and transplanting it onto your movie. Take for example James Cameron's OTHER critic-dissapointing box-office hit, Avatar. Gee, I wonder what he did? James Cameron simply grabbed Ferngully's (or Pocahontas's, whatever) story and added blue aliens, a lame name for an element and graphics that make you forget how much of a mediocre movie you're seeing.

Now, I can understand that at times, a really really original story is going to feel like you have to take a damaged box of bear traps to the other side of a town that is known for its multiple cracks and bumps...while riding a unicycle. But, truth be don't have to go so crackpot-theorist on the idea. Just take a conventional idea and spin it around as much as possible until you get something that will get your viewer to enjoy your movie, even if your story basically has the main character swearing revenge on an evil place for some past event. It's all a matter of slightly emulating an idea instead of slightly imitating it.

The second repetitive thing from a movie industry is "fan frenzy". Fan frenzy happens when a movie becomes the best thing ever for a group of people. That group of people soon start going nuts with that movie and later on create chaos with their newfound fandom. From talking about details in the movie to writing sick little fanfics about it. Now, fan frenzy comes and goes with a lot of media-related things. Movies are the ones that really taking advantage of it. Why? Well, movies and video games both share the idea of throwing down a fishing line of a sequel or something to their fans and watching them go crazy for it. But movies are publicized like mad throughout the place, either glorifying the movie and/or giving fans more and more things that they want. And it's typical for these fans to become the everyday nuisance of people who really aren't ballistic about it. The "hardcore" fans are either cool people, people that don't have a life or complete lunatics. The problem with each fandom is how the hardcore sector is divided, either making them more bearable or less. In the case of today, we are cursed with the Twilight fan ambush, where countless teens are going gaga for some dude who probably would become Adam Lambert's girlfriend. As well as some kid that isn't that good of a singer.

Movies are also the most notable for something called "Sequelitis". And this is repetitive (and annoying) as fuck. Let's see if you can remember a scenario like this. Some person comes along and throws a really good movie for people to watch. People like it a lot and some demand for a second one. The second one either becomes better, worse or in the middle, but it still makes money for this person. And soon that person will continue creating sequels until realizing that the fanbase is dragging across the pavement, urging for the creator to stop. A famous series that's known for suffering a bad case of Sequelitis is Saw.

I never seen the movie, because of my young age. I have watched parts of it and found that if I were to go on Youtube and watch this by myself, I should probably have to take a bunch of sleeping pills. It's a gory movie (not super-duper, but I'm kinda squirmish. Key word being kinda) and the villain's form of "teaching" his subjects the wrong from the right is sickening. Yet, with all the information I've gotten...this movie seems to intruige me a lot. I mean, the puppet is cool, the way he sends the messages is cool, the traps are crazy and the villain is a complete lunatic. But people seem to dislike the series for two reasons. One is that it's a torture porn flick. And that with torture porn, you're not really getting the same effect as a run-of-the-mill horror film. That's debatable and I'm pretty unbiased of the whole thing. The other reason is that the creators went waaaay too far with sequels. They create a sequel every year and at some point (fans say it was at the fourth installment), people were sick of it.

"Why were they sick of the sequels?" you may ask. Well, it's because they don't really put any thought to it and just rush a sequel in for a cash in. Some know when to stop and others just went out of their way to care. It's not rare to find a good sequel. It's just really hard to do so. Oh...I almost forgot to mention remakes. Nothing quite says "We've got nothing" like a rehash of something that already was made. Sometimes, it's because this person had a different way of viewing the series. Other times, it's for a quick buck. And then sometimes, it's just for the pure nostalgia of it. Speaking of which...


Games are the more leeching kind of repeaters. This means that when they repeat, they do it so that they can get you enjoying it while they slowly suck out all the cash that you have. In other words, by bringing a nostalgic game back on it's roots (or making a new addition to the series), you are brainwashed to buying the same stuff you did before...just now with a new feature or something. Is it a bad thing? Well, yes and no. Yes because you make the game developer's job easier than it has to be. All the developer has to do is change a few things and package it off for you. Hardly any experimenting goes around. No because the game developer is not going to piss off a bunch of gamers by drastically changing a game they liked causing them to hate him/her. By playing of safe turf, they don't risk falling flat on their face. But it becomes a problem once the gamer realizes that the game doesn't do anything that makes it new, boring him/her once the next game comes in.

This sort of thing becomes a little complex to talk about because soon people are praising a game that is good, but almost the exact same game before (Super Mario Galaxy 2, for example), and later on attacking a group of people on how they can be buying the same game as before (like CoD fans or Madden fans). And then the whole thing intertwines itself, causing mass confusion among others. Let's just put it like this. Series like Mario, CoD, Madden, etc. are the same game, just with alterations. You either enjoy the series or you don't. But once you see that your series is getting a tad too repetitive for your tastes, try to think of a way that you would still like the game, but have its mechanics changed for a different experience. Once you do that, tell your company to try and do that.

I'm trying to say that in order to change a game's mechanics for the better, you have to think like crazy. Gameplay mechanics can be "limitless", but you have to think about the limits that your fans would enjoy. To me, it just seems tough to truly change the game and have your fans like it. At the same time, I do think that Nintendo should really think of going somewhere else with their franchises instead of just dangling nostalgia above our heads to please us like a baby with jingling keys. Don't get me wrong, their games are good...but wouldn't it be nice if they tried something new with them? I know that Mario has been in every single sort of game known to man, but the formula has become so old, it's a joke. I just would like to see something new, y'know? As I say that, I'm faced with the problem of not knowing what I specifically want for the change. I'm just blabbering without thinking twice about it. Eventually, I just stick with my Mario games, even though I know they are recycled. That, or I can just play something else. After all, variety is the spice of life.

The repetition of games can best be summed up like this. You either play the series or not. And if you question your series for it's repetitiveness, you either face the music and demand for a change, continue playing because you don't have a specific idea for what you can change in the series, or get a different game. Either way you go, the buisness is still making money and you are still left with your mind tied in a knot.


I have gone on a few arguments here and there about the repetition in these industries. I know that history repeats itself. I knew it ever since I learned about the phrase. I also know that sometimes repetition is good and repetition is bad. Repetition can be good with the cycle of life, or the cycle of water or with video games. But it can be bad when it deals with annoying situations, people getting angry, doing something for a quick buck or never learning from your mistakes. I haven't even hit half of the things that are bad with repetition...mainly because I think you know about them, and don't want to feel like Captain Obvious here. So, repetition works for the better of us, or for the worst. It depends on the situation. Just remember that no matter what...history shall repeat itself.   read

3:01 PM on 08.04.2011

GameJudge Case #2: Held At Gunpoint By A Crazy Swordsman

Time: 4:30 PM
Date: Unknown
Location: James's Office.

James: So, the almighty Judge has decided to launch a "Apprentice-Novice" program inside the conglomerate again. Bah! I fucking hate that program. I'm always stuck with an idiot or someone who's too fucking full of themself to work with me. *sigh* But I'll just bite my lip and go with what I get.

Hello James.

James: Hello, Judge

I've got your apprentice for the program. You know the rules.

James: No, I forgot, remind me again about the rules.

Normally, I'd tell you to keep your sarcasm to yourself, but I'm in a good mood. Hell, who knows, you might be in a good mood with what assignment you get.

James: Sasha B. Magess? Hmm....I might be able to work with this.

I'm gonna head off now. I got a trail in a minute. Apparently, they say Pacman's a member of the Arcade Mafia. And they were the ones responsible for breaking 5 console stores around the vicinity.

James: That's some fucked up shit.

What did you expect?

James: I know...anyways, have fun at the circus.

(rolls eyes) First time I ever heard that. (exits)

James: This apprentice I'm getting me seems to sound like it'll be a bit easier to deal with. But I shouldn't get my hopes too high. She's probably some stupid blonde or a self-centered bitch or a...

???: Sorry I'm late, Mr. James.

James: (I guess I should take that back) That's ok, Ms. Magess. I wasn't aware at what time you were supposed to be here.

Sasha: Oh. Well, we should get started. How long have you been in the buisness?

James: For about 10 years.

Sasha: That's sounds like a short time to be in the buisness

James: Well, you have to put it all in perspective to see how long it truly is.

Sasha: Ah...well that makes sense.

James: So, what about you? Why are you going into law?

Sasha: Well, my parents wanted me to go into magic, but I was only suitable for Level 12 magic, and the university required Level 15 magic. So I went into law because I'm intruiged by it.

James: Ok. Let's get started. We have about three weeks to shape you up. If you're going to have to do good in your first case, we're going to have to work hard.

Sasha: Alright, let's do this.

Time: 10:00 PM
Date: 2 weeks, 6 days later
Location: Spring Yard Zone Hotel and Casino Bar

Klonoa: Bartender, get me another drink.

Bartender: Haven't you had enough?

Klonoa: I'm in this hotel, so I can get all the drinks I goddamn want.

Bartender: Alright then.

Klonoa: Thank you. (looks at a guy to his right) The hell do you want?

???: Why does it concern you?

Klonoa: I're just looking at me weird.

???: I'm just having a drink is all.

Bartender: Hey...wait a minute...I know you...

???: No you don't.

Bartender: Yeah...I do. Holy shit, it's you!!! GET HIM!!!

(everyone pulls a weapon at him)

Klonoa: Don't make me use this ring on you, punk!

???: Look, I'm not that type of guy any more.

Bartender: Don't toy with me, pal. I've seen the Wanted posters.

Policeman 1: We came here as soon as the alarm sounded off.

Policeman 2: Alright, buddy, You're going to prison for a long time.

???: You leave me no choice. (pulls out a gun and sword and starts fighting with everyone in the bar, killing 12 people)

Klonoa: Oh no you don't! (Punches ??? in the face)

???: You furry bastard! (Grabs Klonoa by the ears and swings him to the police officers) Now...(points the gun at the bartender)...who the fuck do you work for?!

Bartender: What? I'm just arresting you for the wanted signs'

???: Don't play with me, fucker! I know what you're up to (gets whacked by a stool thrown by Klonoa).

Time: 3:00 PM
Date: The next day
Location: James's office.

James: Well I think you're set.

Sasha: You really think so?

James: Yes. Now all we need is a case.

Klonoa: Hey...

James: You again?! What the hell happened to you? And who the hell is that guy you're dragging?

Klonoa: I got beat up by him. He's the douchebag on the news. (throws a newspaper at his desk)

Sasha: "Local Bartender Stabbed In The Chest By Gunman." He's that Kusagari fella?

Klonoa: 'Fraid so. That asshole is apparently wanted for not living up to expectations in his second game. Among other things...god I need an aspirin.

James: Sasha, get the man an aspirin. So...why are you here?

Klonoa: I want you to take my case against this jackass. This guy owes me at least 400 coins.

Sasha: When's your trail going to be?

Klonoa: I set it for tommorow.

Kusagari: *wakes up* Oh no you don't, Mr. Ridiculously Easy! People are accusing of 5 different crimes. 2 that I did. You have to take my trial about not living up to expectations.

James: I don't see why we can't take both of your trails, We'll set your trial for after-tommorow. Looks like you got a trial, Sasha.

Sasha: I'll try to do you proud, Mr. James!

Time: 6:00 PM
Date: After-tommorow
Location: Supreme Court of Gaming Courtroom

Alright, we have the second trail of this dude today. I'm tired of saying the details, so baliff, tell everyone about this trial

Baliff: Yessir! This trail is of Kusagari versus an upset fan. The fan is sueing the man for $90,000 because Red Steel 2 didn't live up to the first one's expectations. Kusagari's lawyer is the lovely Sasha B. Magess and the upset fan's lawyer is the handsome Gabriel Thompson.

GT? Aww, damnit, I'm going to be biased in this trial then.

Gabriel Thompson: What? You don't even know me? Besides, you're just using my initials to address Gametrailers, a site known for being super pissed with well as having some unorthodox choices.

Oh...I guess you're right. Anyways, it's ladies first, so we'll let Sasha have her opening statement.

Sasha: Thank you, your honor. client may have been aggresive with Mr. Klonoa...

Klonoa: You're damn right!

Sasha: But he has lived up to expectations in his sequel game. Better in every way. Hell, he makes the Wii MotionPlus seem more responsive to movements.

Angry Fan: Yeah, hardly you skank.

Sasha: (goes up to the fan) Don't try me. I know black magic, so I can do terrible things to you if you keep intimidating me.

Alright, your rebuttal Mr. Thompson?

Gabriel: Your honor...while my opposition has made a fair statement, I would have to disagree with her. I could be here explaining to you why I think she is wrong...but then this trial would just be me rambling on.

Ok. Both of you make good points. So...let's get to the story.

James: Alright, story's usually the easiest. Get out there and state your case.

Sasha: The story is about a member of the Kusagari, my client, returning from a five year banishment. He finds his home of Caldera in flames from the Jackals, who are a gang of thugs and scavengers. They have taken over the place. So now you must get them out of town while figuring out things about your clan.

Gabriel: I don't mean to sound rude, your honor, but while the story is just satisfactory for this kind of game, it's not of any relevance. People who play this game can easily skip through the cutscenes, making it something optional.

While that is true, you did sort of defend the point of the story being good.

Gabriel: But the story doesn't affect the quality of this particular game.

By god, you're right.

Sasha: What do I do?

James: (whispers in her ear)

Sasha: Your honor, the story is still an aspect of this game, so regardless of the relevance of how it affects the quality of the game, you still have to count this part in.

I might as well just let this part of the verdict be a minor and mostly ineffective part of the full thing. So, in a sense....both of you win. Alright, let's get to graphics.

Gabriel: The graphics in this game are pretty dull for a shooter/beat 'em up game. It all seems brown and grey, not allowing for that much of diversity. It just seems bleek for the gamer.

Sasha: OBJECTION! If you look at other shooters, you'll notice that this game at least had a more bright surrounding to it. The place could do well with making a temple or a deserted western town look a little more vibrant. It's only when you get to a certain part of a game where everything seems dusty. I even have pictures to prove it.

(pictures added to evidence)'s clearly shown that this game does at least take a little more risks than other shooters.

Gabriel: While that may be true that it did take more risks, it's still a simple palette. The backgrounds don't seem to be changing colors. It's always the same thing. And there are new locations, so you can use that as an excuse.

Sasha: I never was going to use that as an excuse. I was actually going to say that even though the palette is limited, they did at least different shades and even added a night time level to vary what little they had.

Gabriel: I guess you have a point.

James: You better!

You're not a lawyer in this case, so you zip your mouth.

James: Sorry...

Well, I think I've heard enough about this. Shall we move on to sound?

Angry Fan: Whatever, as long as this bitch loses.

Sasha: You watch your mouth, you little brat.

Gabriel, you may call your first witness if you wish.

Gabriel: Thank you. I call the Music Meister to the stand!

Sasha: What?!

James: Yeah...apparently he does music for video games.

Alright...people, put your brainwash-proof hearing aids that I left under your chair just in case this would happen.

The Music Meister: (singing) Hello, Mr. Judge. Nice day we have here. So what do you need from me, perhaps a cold beer?

No...we just need your testimony.

Gabriel: Alright, Mr. Meister. Could you tell the court about the music you made in the game?

Music Meister: You really haven't done any of your research. But here I am, on top of this perch. The composer of these songs is dull and lame. It's pretty forgetful in the game. If you really want to talk about sound...maybe talk about the voice actors that you are around. And by that last sentence, I was referring to the in-game experience. I don't have a decent rhyme so I'll just jump a fence!


Sasha: As much as I would like to disagree with Mr. Thompson's's true. The music doesn't stick out. So, if we really want to be talking about sound in games, we should talk about the voice actors.

Music Meister: These voice actors are pretty forgetful too. Besides, you're distracted with shit that you have to do.

You certainly are a buzzkill. (And a pretty bad rhymer at that)

Music Meister: Hey, all I'm saying is the truth. Now, if you will excuse me, I got to make a call in the telephone booth. (exits)

You do that. you also agree with this?

Sasha: I can agree with Music Meister about the voice actors being forgetful in the sense that you have to do many things. And as it was said before, the cutscenes are skippable, so you can ignore the voice actors. But if you didn't skip them, you'd see that they aren't that bad. They're not annoying and do a decent job of capturing the character they portray.

I guess so. Well, let's get to the final part of this trail. The gameplay!

(courtroom goes crazy)

Order! Order!

Gabriel: I call the Kusagari man to the stand.

(courtroom starts going more mad, people start stalling the case for an hour, ignoring the Judge)


(courtoom is in silence)


Kusagari: Ok, I'm on the stand again. What do you want?

Gabriel: Well...tell us about the gameplay of the game.

Kusagari: Well, they say that the gameplay from the first game was the biggest problem. The controls were unresponsive and the sword was just all over the place. But in this game, with the addition of that Wii Motionplus, the controls are way swifter. And there's varied difficulties for different players.

Gabriel: I have to disagree. The controls on moving the camera still seem a little stiff and when you have to turn the safe crack, it's always wonky.

Sasha: OBJECTION! The controls on the safe are wonky the first time. Later on, you figure out how you're supposed to hold the Wiimote. And when you move, it's stiff because you don't move the Wiimote right or a little calibration error. It can be corrected with ease.

Gabriel: Ok...but tell me this, why is it that when I move the sword up, it moves in a different direction?

Kusagari: You're not moving the Wiimote directly in the direction. You have to make a wider motion to get it right.

Sasha: Yeah. Getting into the controls, it's pretty easy to understand, but it's hard to master. Mainly because you need more cash and you have to get the patterns of certain enemies, like the chaingunner. And the special moves are pretty epic. Swinging your sword up in order to launch an enemy high in the air? Impressive.

Gabriel: While the sword has a variety of combos, the guns are limited. I mean, only four guns? That's not very impressive, when you think about what you get. A revolver, a small shotgun, a Tommy gun and a rifle. How impressive.

Al Capone: (crashes into the courtroom) Don't question the Tommy gun, see? Mmyeah. Don't.

Shouldn't you be dead?

Al Capone: I'm merely making a point of badassery in this particular firearm, see? Mmyeah.

I'll allow it. (sigh)

Sasha: Speaking of this, I would like to contradict your statement, Gabriel. First off, the shotgun is one of the most powerful guns in the game, next to the rifle. Size doesn't really matter. Second off, the guns can be upgraded, which can make for better effieciency. And third of all, the game doesn't need a bunch of guns in order to make itself good. It's all about mixing your attacks up.

Gabriel: But...but...damnit.

Kusagari: You two also forgot to talk about how you can get armor and other things like that for later on in the game. And not to mention the different missions you get.

I really don't see that much discussion with that. What we SHOULD get to is boss battles.

Gabriel: They vary from being really easy, to being really cheap.


James: You set yourself up for that one, buddy.


Sasha: The first boss is easy because that's how it works. All you really need is to whack him with the sword at the right time. With other bosses, you got to know when you can attack and when you have to defend. It's just like a regular game. Besides, with the various combos, you can always test each of the combos out until you get the right attack.

Gabriel: I would imagine so. seems like I can think of my verdict.

(courtroom starts doing small talk for five minutes until the Judge comes back)

Alright, I've made my verdict. This game is a very impressive sequel. Despite never playing the first one, I have heard that it didn't do so well. But the second one is tons of fun. With the different moves you can learn, the different objectives and the different guns, you'll have tons of fun shooting and slashing your enemies. And the remote really responds to your every movements better. I find the defendant not guilty.

Kusagari: Yes! Only two more charges to be proven innocent of.

James: Sorry about going against you yesterday.

Kusagari: It's ok.

Congratulations, James. You finally got one of your apprentices to win a case. Here's your cash prize.

James: There's a cash prize?

Yep. The other ones didn't do so well, so you get the full prize. Here's your 200,000 dollars.

James: Thanks, Judge

No problem.

James: Well, you certainly did me proud, Ms. Magess.

Sasha: I learned from one of the best.

James: Hey, I was just wondering...and this is just if you're ok with it...would you like to work for my firm?

Sasha: Sure, I'd love to get into some more cases.

James: Good. Now I won't be fucking lonely in that office.

Sasha: (laughs) I guess you won't.

Gabriel: That was a good trial, Ms. Magess.

Sasha: Likewise, Mr. Thompson.

Angry Fan: You won't hear the last of me, you whore.

Sasha: (snaps her fingers, teleporting the fan somewhere else) I think I will.

Kusagari: Well, I got to be heading back to my place. Later, guys.

Sasha: Goodbye!

(The Kusagari man heads off)


8:35 AM on 08.04.2011

GameJudge Case #1: Night In Pixel Town

Fitting music:

(Warning: If you are not a fan of anything that sounds like a fanfic that ingeniously got mixed in with a review, then don't say I didn't tell ya so.)

Time: 9:30 PM
Date: Wed. July 14, 2010
Location: Pixel Town Sleazy Hotel District, Room 341

??? (Narrating): It's tough to be in Pixel Town. All around the place, people are smashing vases to find some jewels so they can buy a bottle of LSD they refer to as a "health potion". Then we have idiots breaking their necks on the brick ledges above them, thinking that they would be getting coins. Other people get into gang wars and end up eating a presumably healthy leg of lamb from a garbage can. Then we have people that light their hands on fire and proceed to uppercut each other. Everyone around here lives a crazy life. As for me...I'm trying to run away from a life much crazier than this one.

Peach: Come back to bed, honey. I don't get another customer 'til 10:00

???: Sorry, dollface. I can't level up now. I got to go.

Peach: Awww....please?

???: Thanks, but no thanks. I've already had my share of skanks today.

??? (Narrating): I headed down to a nearby booze joint. There, I saw a blond dude with a large sword, chugging down bottle after bottle. I sat down on the bar stool, only to notice a woman with a white shirt and long black hair staring at me. I was thirsty, so I asked the barkeep for a drink.

???: Yo, barkeep. Get me a drink and get me one fast.

Bartender: Why do you need it so fast?

???: Look, pal...if you want your tip, you'll get my drink, no questions asked.

Bartender: My apologies.

??? (narrating): So I started to drink bottle after bottle. As I chugged down the beer, I had started to forget the past. I faintly remember kissing the girl for a long time as the blondie grabbed his sword and proceeded to give me a cut on my back. I retailliated with a smashed bottle to the head as he then cried and entered into the bathroom to sob. The next thing I know, a bright light is being shown on me and I see two dark figures interrogating me about something. I then later learn that I've been arrested for tresspassing, attempted murder, sexual intercourse in public and being in a game that's way too easy. I don't understand why I had to relive the last charge up again. All I wanted to do was forget it. But I have to do what I have to do. I had two seperate trials for each case. The first three charges were on Saturday. The last charge was on Friday. I needed a lawyer and fast.

Time: 4:20 PM
Date: Thurs. July 15, 2010
Location: Supreme Court of Gaming Lawyer Conglomerate

???: Hello? Is this James' office?

James: Yes, this is James' office. I'm James. What do you want, you weird fuck?

???: No need to be rude, jackass. Anyways, I need a lawyer, and they say that you're the most experienced.

James: Platniff or Defendant?

???: Defendant.

James: Ok, name.

???: *sigh* Klonoa.

James: *spit-take* WHAT?! It can't be.

Klonoa (narrating): I guess he had all the right to be alarmed. I mean, I had changed my blue cap with a blue fedora. The ring was now smaller and used only for times that were necessary. I had dark red fingerless gloves and my jacket looked more like a raincoat. Only thing that didn't change were the shoes, my eyes and my skin.

Klonoa: Yeah...I'm Klonoa alright.

James: Wow...the things that happen to obscure heroes. So...what's been going on?

Klonoa: I've been arrested for tresspassing Pixel Town, attempting to murder someone that I don't even remember fighting, having sexual intercourse with some chick in a public park and being in a game that is way too easy.

James: Well, this is going to be a tough case.

Klonoa: Relax. We're only taking care of the last charge. And that one will be much easier on you. It's a shame I can't live it down *lights cigarette*

James: Don't worry, man. You're with one of the best fucking lawyers in the whole conglomerate!

???: You're screwed!

James: Hey, fuck you! Anyways, I'll be glad to be of any help.

Klonoa: Thanks.

Klonoa (narrating): I think I may have a chance with this man. He seems to know what he's doing. I just hope that I can keep myself structured when it comes to my ass on the seat. I decided to head back to the hotel James offered me. There, I got some room service and my dinner given to me by the staff. I then rested, to await my trail for tommorow.

Time: 8:30PM
Date: Fri. July 16, 2010
Location: Supreme Court of Gaming Court Room

Alright, I've returned. Sorry, people. It's just that I've been really busy with so much stuff. What with more cases going to the Council of Website Game Reviewers and the Supreme Court of Gaming becoming underpowered by them. But I have returned, so let's get this case started. Alright...let me see here. Apparently, Klonoa has been charged with 4 allegations, but for this trail, we're focusing on the last one. Uh-huh. Opposition, you may state your case.

Peach: Thank you, your honor.

Klonoa (narrating): I couldn't believe my eyes. That whore that I slept with countless times, was going against me in this trail. But I think something stunned me even more.

Klonoa: She's a lawyer?!

James: Yeah, crazy isn't it? She's a pretty mediocre lawyer. Most of the time I win and she goes back to sucking the plumber's cock for money.

Klonoa: Yeah...heh...the plumber's cock...

Peach: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Have you ever seen a remake? Do you know that remakes aren't usually good? Well, this game that this repulsive man...

Klonoa: That's not what you said last night.

Peach: As I was saying....this game, "Klonoa", is so damn easy, that it's pratically unenjoyable. It's not fun, it's not innovative. It's just Namco trying to do a platformer on the Wii. And sucking.

Thank you for your opening statement. Defense, your rebuttal?

James: Thank you, your honor. People of the jury...difficulty of a game doesn't change the quality of said game. It just makes it easier or harder to finish the game. Quality comes from the various aspects of it. And I think that there are games easier than this.

We'll see about that. Alright. Let's get started with the story. Opposition, you may call your first witness.

Peach: Thank you, your honor. I call Klonoa to the stand!

*loud chatter, gasping*

Order! Order!

Klonoa: Typical....

Klonoa, do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth?

Klonoa: I'll see if I can.

Peach: Now, Mr. Klonoa. Will you please tell the court the basic story of your game?

Klonoa: If I must. *lights cigarette and starts smoking it* Don't you think it's kind of strange? *drops ashes down to the floor* How sometimes when you wake up, you know you had a dream but you can't remember it? Where do you suppose those dreams go? But there's one dream I remember very clearly, as if it was happening right now. I remember about a place where people's dreams fuel the very land of Phantomile. But I keep remembering about a dream. Of a ship. Crashing into the mountains. My grandfather knows about that dream too. But then, it really does happen. So then I head off with a ring spirit named Hewpoe into the land.

Later, I find Ghadius and Joker finding the moon pendant that seems to hold some sort of magic power. Then I see that Lephise is taken hostage by them. I later learn her song of rebirth will save us all. Well...would have saved us all, if it weren't for that prick Ghadius. I then set off on a journey, meeting different characters. Later on, my grandfather is killed and I set off to the Moon Kingdom to seek revenge. I finally get there, only to find out that Hewpoe is the prince of that kingdom.

At the end...*blows a smoke ring at Peach*, I defeat the evil, make out with Lephise and head back home to pack my stuff and get the fuck out of Breezegale. They didn't show that real ending though. They just wanted it to look like I was having a happy adventure. I don't care. At least I'm out of that village...for now.

Peach: There, you see? Doesn't this story sound botched?

Jury Member 1: That story isn't half bad at all.

Jury Member 2: Certainly sounds interesting.

Jury Member 3: Not the best story in the world, but it's still good.

Peach: But it's still the story of saving the damsel in distress.

Klonoa: You should know. You're practically THE damsel in distress.

*whole courtroom starts laughing*

Peach: Grrr...*heads back to offense's desk*

Bowser: *whispers into Peach's ear*

Peach: Get the fuck away from me. I'm not in the mood today...

I guess this verdict speaks for itself. Well, let's move on to something else. The graphics. James, you have the floor.

James: Your honor, the graphics for this game fit what it's suppose to set. It's bright and colorful or dark and grimy when it needs to be. Most of the time, it's always something cheerful. It's always a good setting that most kid games have. The graphics are pretty smooth and look fantastic. Not to mention the cutscenes are somewhat entertaining.

Peach: OBJECTION! The movements of the mouth look extremely rushed. And to be honest with you, I've seen better graphics on a crappy N64 game.

James: I will agree that the mouth movements look terrible, but tell me, Peachy...what about the graphics sucks the most balls?

Peach: Uh...well the....erm...uh...

James: I knew it.

I'm going to have to give you a strike for telling the court something you couldn't back up. Anyways...since I can see that there is nothing more to speak of the graphics, I guess we can move to audio then...

???: Not just yet, GameJudge.

Sam and Max?

Sam: Yep. We have arrived at this destination to converse about the gameplay.

Max: We've brought evidence!

Klonoa (narrating): It just came back to me. On that night, I had been interrogated by a dog and a rabbit doing the "good cop-bad cop" routine on me. But I just remember them...I don't know anything about the whole conversation, detail-wise. I was too drunk to recall. That and hangovers can be a pain in the neck.

Well, don't just stand there, fellas. Bring the evidence in.

*video gets played on monitor*

Sam: Now, pal. Can you just explain to me the gameplay mechanics of this here game?

Klonoa: W-what...what game? Whicgh game *hiccup* Which game? Thar we go.

Max: The game we're holding up in front of you, ya drunk jackwagon.

Klonoa: Oh..oh...OH! *drunken laughter* That game is soooo easy. I mean, re-re-real easy. It's kinda pathetic whan ju tink aboot it. I mean...soooooo easy!

Sam: So, you admit to the allegation?

Klonoa: What? What?! I-I-I nevar admit a word that you say. I...I'm just saying that the game's a little easy.

Max: Clearly, the man is drunk. Let's just whack him with a lead pipe and haggle him tommorow.

Klonoa: You wanna go...go tough guy? Bring it, rabbit boy!

Sam: I think he was just making a crass joke.

Max: Don't worry Sam, I can take this booze-ridden asshole. Bring it!

*rest of tape is Klonoa and Max fighting, while Sam comes in to try and stop them*

Peach: The video certainly said a mouthful.

Klonoa: You'd like that wouldn't you?

Peach: What's that supposed to mean?

James: Pffthahaha!

Peach: Oh, gross!

Fellas, can we stop with this, we have a serious case going on for fuck's sake. Now can we keep this going?

James: Alright, sorry. Your honor...isn't it fucking obvious? My client was drunk, therefore this video doesn't serve as true evidence.

Max: Oh why I oughtta...

Sam: Whoa, man. Calm down. I think I can give a proper rebuttal. Your honor, what if we were to ask him right now about the gameplay? I bet his response would have to still be proving the allegation of a very simple game to be true.

I'm going to allow this.

Sam: Klonoa, is the game really easy to play?

Klonoa: *deep sigh* I'd be lying if I said no.

*courtroom starts going crazy*

Order. Order! Order!! ORDER!!

Klonoa: Yes, I'll admit it. The game is easy to master and easier to play. But I tried my damnest to tell the people at Namco to challenge the players in the game. They shoved me away and told me "Relax, we'll do some cool with the game" and proceeded to put me in a chair where my mind was wiped out of every single memory and fueled with the game code. After the whole process, I got my memory back and proceeded to look at the game to see if they kept their promise. Technically, they didn't, so I was angered by their broken promise. I rampaged in there and told them what the hell was going on. But then they said "But, Klonoa, people are saying that despite the easy gameplay, it shows a step foward." After a while..I then realized what they were saying and exited the place. *blows another smoke ring at Peach*

Sam: What is he saying?

Max: I have no idea. Now I think we're needed somewhere. We'll be back!

Uh....ok...anyways, someone care to develop on what Klonoa said?

Peach: He's clearly rambling on about something idiotic. This isn't even worth cross-examining for evidence against his claim. It's just flat out nonsense.

Klonoa: That or you have B-

Peach: That's enough out of you, Klonoa!

Klonoa: Hey, it's your fetish, not mine.


James: *quivering behind the desk* Uh...Judge?


James: I think I know what Klonoa's saying...

You do?

James: Yeah. Think about it, Judge. A game could have some aspect to it that causes it to become mediocre, but after a while, people will take that idea and later develop it.

Peach: What the hell are you saying?

James: The game opens a new world for platformers, you dumb bitch. People can use the Klonoa game mechanics and perhaps mold it for a new game. Make it a bit more intruiging.

Peach: That's a load of bull. The game clearly rips off Mario 2.

Klonoa: Yeah, but Mario 2 technically ripped off Doki Doki Panic. Besides, my game is a tad different. You don't stand on the enemies and pick them up. You use the magical ring to launch an enemy. Like this *uses the ring on the Judge's gavel and throws it at Peach*

*whole courtroom laughs at her pain*

Klonoa: Sorry about that, your honor. *grabs gavel with ring and launches back to GameJudge*

Thank you. I'll have to count that as a strike, James.

James: Thanks a lot.

Klonoa: Were you being sarcastic or actually thanking me?

James: Both. Anyways, at the task at hand. Yes, the game is ridiculously easy, but it opens a new world of risk tasking.

Peach: Alright, fine. If that's the case, why doesn't the button that causes a gust of wind to come out do anything?

Klonoa: I think they forgot to make that of some use after smoking a pound of weed. I'm sure they'll fix it in the next game. *sigh* At least I hope.

I see. Well...uh...I guess I can't think of anything else for this part of the trail. Let's continue. Ok, our next topic is audio. Alright, you have the floor, James.

James: Well, musically wise, it's average.

Peach: That meaning forgetful...

James: Hey! You shut your whore mouth. It's soothing and fitting for the game. Whether it be strolling around a jungle or fighting a clown thing.

Peach: Geez, just admit the music is forgetful. I can see your eyes telling me you're lying.

James: Keep interrupting me, and you'll see my eyes telling you to shove a pointy stick up your ass.

Peach: Badger me all you want, you know the music is forgetful.

Is this true, James?

James: It's not true, your honor. I happen to find the music to be satisfactory for the game.

Peach: Liar, lair, pants on fire.



James: Heheheh...sorry your honor.

Despite your rude nature of getting your point across, James has a valid point.

Peach: Ok...but telll me James...about the voice actors.

James: They're kiddy, but not annoying.

Peach: ...

James: What were you expecting? A meltdown from lying to the court?

Peach: Hehe...yeah....

James: ....I can't believe you're a fucking lawyer.

Peach: Can you at least admit that they CAN get annoying after a while?

James: least they're more bearable than your voice actor.

Klonoa: Double burn!


James: What? I was being honest....

Ok....well I think I have come to a conclusion.

Jury Member 1: What about us? Don't we have anything to say?

I can read your minds...therefore I think I can gather what your verdict is.

Jury Member 2: What are you? Mentok the Mindtaker?

Erm...sure...if you want to black and white about it. Anyways, "Klonoa" for the Wii is a new step for the platforming world. Despite the fact that the game is ungodly easy, it still manages to entertain you. Sort of like a bizzaro Megaman. The graphics are pretty good and the soundtrack is at least listenable. You won't be humming to one of the songs, but you won't be frustrated by it either. Not to mention it has a somewhat interesting story. Regardless, you still admit to the charge of being too easy, Klonoa...

*courtroom gasps*

James: Crap, I forgot about that...

Peach: Ha! I guess some good came out of this.

So, I'm afraid I'll have to set a sentence for you.

Klonoa: Oh shit.

Relax. All you have to do is pay a small fine of 20 crystals. Court is adjourned. *gavel bang*

Klonoa (narrating): So that's how my first trail came to a close. I had to pay the Judge 20 crystals for my offense. It was weird to have to come back to that memory. It didn't completely scar my life, but it wasn't exactly a walk in the park either. But I'm glad I can just blow the smoke of the aggravating memory away from the cigarette of my life.

The next day wasn't as good though. I had to be punished for two of the three charges. Apparently that guy I was trying to murder was that looney bunny. As for the girl I screwed in public? Turned out to be the same chick from the bar. I was sentenced to two weeks in the slammer. While there, I keep talking to that gal. I then learned her name was Tifa. Tifa Lockhart.

After my sentence, I decided to date her for a while. But then I got roped into a crime I didn't commit. So I had to escape back to Pixel Town. I never thought my crazy life of defeating a Pyramid Head wannabe villain and going into a castle on the moon would become just a minor event to being framed for a mass homicide in River City. *puffs smoke in the air* Now I rest here, in the Spring Yard Hotel and Casino down Green Hill Ave., with my new girlfriend Lephise. I tell you, man...being an obscure video game character isn't fun. *smokes cigarette* It isn't fun at all.

*Lephise tells Klonoa to head back to the hotel*

Klonoa: Be there, honey.

Klonoa (narrating): Well, I better be heading back. I hoped you enjoyed this story. I got to be heading back. Maybe we'll meet again. But just keep this in mind. When life gives you lemons, just hope that the juices don't get into your eyes...or else it's gonna hurt.

*walks back into the hotel, holding Lephise's hand and looks back at the sky remembering of a past memory*

This is GameJudge signing off...   read

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