Part 1 here:
http://www.destructoid.com/blogs/Furious+Tuscadero/wasteland-diary-part-1-128036.phtml
Part 2 here:
http://www.destructoid.com/blogs/Furious+Tuscadero/wasteland-diary-part-2-128159.phtml
April 23, 2277
After chatting with the sheriff over a warm brew at the bar in Megaton, I learned that the stranger’s name is MYBALLSONURCHIN. Strange name, I thought they spoke English down in those vaults. Anyhoo, sheriff says old ‘BALLS there came out of the vault looking for his father, who was all wrapped up in some big important science project. Something about cleaning the water. Which reminds me, just the other day I saw BALLS taunting that old beggar just outside of town with a bottle of clean water, only to drink the whole thing himself right in front of the poor guy. You can never tell with him, he seems like a saint sometimes when you see him, other times he’s a real prick.
This quest for his father seems to have taken him all over the Wasteland and across all sorts of unsavory characters, and he’s starting to amass the gear to prove it. One time I saw him wearing some of that mean looking Raider badlands armor and carrying like fifteen assorted pistols and rifles, in addition to his usual giant backpack full of crap. Poor guy could barely walk.
This is not to say that I’ve been impressed by any of the times I’ve actually seen him in combat. The first scuffle I witnessed was in Big Town. I was trying to find a nice new Settler’s outfit because the crotch was beginning to wear out on my old one. I looked up to see BALLS poking around outside the window of the shop, and I got a nervous feeling in my stomach. When I came out, he was having an animated conversation with a lady about some folks that had been taken by super mutants. He announces, all heroic like, that he’s going to go fight the super mutants and save the missing town folk. The lady gets all giddy and plants a big one right on his cheek, and I shake my head and start getting my gear ready to head back down south.
BALLS goes marching off into the sunset like a conquering hero, only to come tear-assing back not five minutes later with a pissed off super mutant hot on his heels. Seems the missile launcher that the big brute was carrying was a bit too much firepower for the great BALLS to handle. He gets behind the corner of one of the houses and chucks a couple of frag grenades at the monster but he’s way off with his aim and they don’t even so much as singe a toe. The super mutant caught him leaning out too far from cover and put a missile right at his feet. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a man with three limbs and his head all crippled, but I can assure you, it aint a pretty sight. By this time, the rest of the town had rallied to fight the mutant while BALLS frantically crammed stimpacks into himself from behind the house. Just as the beast was about to fall, a newly healed BALLS got the courage to sneak up behind him and deliver the coup de grace with a full clip from his Chinese assault rifle. Without so much as a thank you nod to the rest of the folks, he grabbed the missile launcher off the dead mutant, hoisted it over his shoulder, and set off once more on his mission. I decided to get the hell out of there before he brought another war back to town with him.