When NEC and Sega introduced their CD-Rom technologies in the early 90's, there was a promise that the video game industry would be lead into the new age of 'Multimedia'. Gamers would be able to interact using video footage (as opposed to the traditional 2D cartoon sprites), which would be voiced by professional actors.

Of course, what we really got were: 1) The same 2D games that we were already playing on cheaper consoles, with generic red-book music throw in; 2) Low budget 'interactive' FMV games that were about as interactive (and fun) as changing the channel on your remote. Not the type of 'Next-Generation' experience that gamers were expecting when they paid 300-400 dollars to purchase a CD-Rom add-on for their respective systems.

One thing that all CD-Rom games from the early 90's had in common though, were the fact that the 'actors' that ere involved in these games, sounded more like they were professional waiters/waitresses who were training in their eventual career into Porn than real actors who had a viable shot into anything mainstream.

Which leads into this week's article - The Dark Side to Classic Gaming: Voice Acting Gone Horribly Wrong!.


Spider-man



Many people who have played the past three-or-so Spiderman games have complained about Toby Maguire's acting. Sounding more like he was delivering the lines by phone, Toby Maguire seemed like he was playing the part of the Borg in a Star Trek movie.

While the acting in those games were pretty bad, the actors in the Spiderman game for the Sega CD sounded like a bunch of rejected 70's porn stars who were one missing paycheck away from living in a box on Sunset Ave. Either that, or Sega -- in a move to cut development costs -- had Bob the Janitor deliver the lines off all the characters in the game.


Vay



When you think of Working Designs, you usually think of Lunar and Popful Mail. But right after releasing the original Lunar for the Sega CD, the released another Japanese RPG called Vay. Though unlike Lunar, Vay had your run of the mill plot-line -- save the princess, rescue the kingdom, blah, blah, blah -- and was generally an all-around forgettable game.

One thing that wasn't forgettable was the laughable voice acting, which was surprising considering that Working Designs was a company known for pretty decent voice acting -- even back in the 90's. While not as bad most of the other games in this list, the minute you hear Prince Vandor scream "Ellllllleeeeeaaaannnnn!!!!!!!", you have no other recourse than to go, "ugh!"


Sewer Shark



Sewer Shark was -- along with Night Trap -- originally a show-case for the Sega CD's launch in 1992. Because after all, what else do you need to convince people to buy a 300 dollar add-on than a game where you shoot rats in a grainy sewer.

While not being in awe of the fact that game consoles can now play video at a resolution suiting a mole, you'll also be amazed by the wonder casting of such characters as Ghost: The greatest asshole to ever travel the sewers; Falco: An actress with the talent to sound like a 40 year old man, and a flying garbage can who's name I can't be bothered to remember.


Keio Flying Squadron



What do you get when you combine the talents of an underage Playboy Bunny riding a dragon, a scriptwriter who was obviously on drugs, and some of the worst actors to ever be recorded onto a silver disk? You have Keio Flying Squadron. While the game itself is pretty unremarkable(a 2D shooter) it does have the distinction of having what is quite possible, gaming's most fucked up storyline this side of Blaster Master.

I could make a valiant attempt to explain the complexities of this games plot; but that would require me to ingest vast amounts of cocaine in order for me to comprehend this games fucked-up storyline. Unfortunately, while I won't subject my body to horrors of crack addiction in order to understand the storyline of a 15 year old game, I'll gladly share with you a video clip of the game so we can all laugh together at the games atrocious acting.


Last Alert



Last Alert was an obscure Turbo-Grafx CD-Rom game that who's only real contribution, is to show the Turbo's incredible ability to suck-ass. Believe it or not, the Turbo-Grafx's Japanese counterpart, the PC-Engine, was home to some of the greatest games to ever grace a console.

Unfortunately, instead of bringing great games like Dracula X, Snatcher, and many of the RPG's that called the system home. Instead we were treated to such wonderful gems like 'Yo-Bro', and 'Vegas Tactical...Whatever that shitty game was called'.

The games they did eventually bring over, like Last Alert, were given the old "Hey, let's ask Bob the janitor if he can act" treatment. It's sad really; if only NEC had put in the extra effort in bringing some of the good CD-Rom games from Japan, maybe the Turbo-Grafx would have been remembered for much more than Bonk, and unintentionally funny voice acting.

So, what do you think? You guys want to see more videos? If you do, then give me a shout-out.