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Fructose's blog

8:37 AM on 10.12.2009

DJ Hero is awesome and my hands are still idiots.

When I first found out about DJ Hero, I was definitely skeptical at best. Sure, the music sounded like it would be good, but the whole "Whatever-Hero" thing was starting to get old to me; Not to mention that I am painfully white and laughably pathetic at any kind of music game. That more likely than not has less to do with my heritage and more to do with the fact that I have fat baby retard hands, however.

They destroy more than they create.

I heard of the demo being out at GameStops yesterday, though, and decided to go see what the big deal was about. After all, what would have been the worse that could have happened? Me humiliating myself in front of people I'll probably never see again but whose opinions I still care about? Please. I can pretend to not be shattered emotionally like a pro.

As luck would have it, that particular skill of mine would be postponed when I showed up at my local GameStop only to find that the "demo" there was just a demo tutorial playing on a loop on the single TV above the register. The store had only been open for about a half hour, but one of the employees I struck up a conversation with while I was pretending to look at a display rack informed me that the scripted conversation between two people "promoting" the game in the video and annoyingly stereotypical black voice guiding you through watching the tutorial being repeated was, in fact, NOT pleasant.

"Man, I'm so glad I came here so I could stare at a screen in front of other people and watch something I could just see on YouTube." "Yeah, totally. This definitely makes up for the fact that that Toni chick had to deal with tons of Metro delays and bullshit." "Totally. Hey, wanna go to Sbarro?" "I'm actually feeling more like Panda Express."

After staring up at the screen like a turkey in the rain for about twenty minutes and convincing myself that, hey, maybe fat baby retard hands could manage something like that, a friend of mine showed up and suggested that we go to the Best Buy across the street. This was presumably because he didn't find the pretty colors and intense need to press buttons that were not there as fantastic as I did.

Best Buy had a playable DJ Hero demo.

Seeing that turntable controller made my heart feel as melted marshmallows, powdered fluffy bunnies, and fairy dust were being pumped through it instead of blood.

Above: Pure plastic ecstasy.

DJ Hero looks like it's going to be a marvelous game once you aren't stuck with only the demo and there are more than three songs to play with the turntable and more than one for the turntable/guitar co-op. The music is catchy, the graphics are aesthetically pleasing, and the gameplay itself doesn't take very long to understand. It barely takes seconds for you to start bobbing your head to the beat while you scratch the "record" and feel up the fabulous vinyl buttons, feeling cooler than you have in ages. It took a while for me to get used to, and I still only got about two stars on average after around forty-five minutes of playing, but by the time we left I already wanted to go right back and play some more.

Ah, Easy Mode. One of these days, I shall truly conquer ye.   read

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