**Before I begin this rant I'd just like to say that I didn't play through a lot of this game, so I wouldn't qualify this as a review.**

That being said, I don't believe this game deserves a review. I think that it should be cast into a pit (maybe the same pit ET currently calls home) and devoured by ravenous hell beasts with acid spit and eyes that scream with the wails of a thousand lost souls.

I've read some literature that says this game is worth a rental if you're a fan of the show, I'd say that qualifier should be turned on it's ear. If you are a fan of the show, for GOD'S SAKE do not even look at this game, lest you vomit and crap in a continuous stream like a water weenee filled with baked beans and split pea soup. What I'm trying to say is the game is not very good.

But WHY isn't it very good Forrest? Well allow me to elaborate on a few key points.

The Bad

-The games takes place over the span of seasons 1-2ish. Thus there is nothing enlightening or even interesting in the game's premise.

-The black smoke monster is out on the prowl! But don't worry because you can hear him coming from a mile away and to avoid something that is MADE OF SMOKE all you have to do is hide in the roots of a tree.

-You're on a sprawling island with deep dense jungle, BUT invisible walls abound and exploration is an after thought.

-You want a mini map? FUCK YOU! This is LOST bitch you don't get a map! Instead you have to find pieces of the airplane (because in the show they are constantly coming across wreckage deep in the jungle, HOW ABOUT NEVER YOU FUCKTARD) and when you examine those peices you are some how able to find another peice of the plan in the distance that is in the exact direction you need to go. REALLY? yes really.

-In the Dark, deadly falls await you at EVERY turn. Every once and a while you'll be called upon to go into a dark and spooky cave. Well you'd better have some source of light because if you don't you will fall down a hole. Now if you have a torch you'll be fine, the floor with be without a single divit but god forbid that torch goes out because a chasm will appear and you WILL be sucked into it's inky abyss.

-Just like in the show there's a guy in the tree fort trying to kill you when you enter the jungle. Remember that episode? you know the one with the tree fort?

-The voice over "sound-a-likes" are terrible, just awful. John Lock's voice actor sounds like a racist imitation of a native American. It doesn't help that he says things like "Jack is strong like the buffalo, TATANKA!" ... alright he doesn't say that but still.

-The game is presented in an episodic manner. Now this isn't a bad idea, but what IS a bad idea is when the episode is 10 mins long and the start the next episode with a recap of what you JUST DID. Now on a TV show this works fine because it's been a week since you last saw the show, or maybe you skipped an episode and you'd like a little reminder. But there is a 2 second break between episdoes in the game so you end up seeing things that happened 3 minutes ago. Picture this! You get kicked in the head by some dude then the episode ends and the recap (last time on Lost) shows you getting kicked in the head by some dude! THANKS GAME!! I totally forgot!


- Amnesia, the most over used crutch in story telling history. Your character has it and to get it back you must look at torn pictures, then you are introduced into a weird looping hallucination that where you must take the same picture as the one featured in the torn picture. This would be fine except for the fact that you have INFINITE chances to get it right, thus no challenge.


I give it 9 out of 10 donkey turds. What a piece of shit.

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