Foe's Profile - Destructoid

Game database:   #ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ         ALL     Xbox One     PS4     360     PS3     WiiU     Wii     PC     3DS     DS     PS Vita     PSP     iOS     Android

click to hide banner header
Hmmm about me. Well I live in San Jose and work as a game artist. Drawing for a living is one of those things that when there is a massive apocolypse and we are choosing who will lead our rag tag band of mercs into the irradated wastes, I won't be considered. But that's okay because I'll survive by selling hand drawn porn. So don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

Also I enjoy video games, but you already knew that because I'm here.
Following (4)  

Today it's the Chupacabra!

This elusive alien/vampire/homeless man who took a bath in industrial waste seems more popular today than ever before. So farmers lock up your goats, it's suckin' time!
(note to the reader I am aware that he is eating a sheep, even the Chupacabra needs a little variety in his diet).

In more of a video game area of discussion I've been playing the Red Faction "Beta" (really it's just a multi-player demo) and I have to say it's pretty darn good. It's got that Warhawk less weapons more/balance feel to it that is so satisfying. And talk about satisfaction, once you kill a guy with a sledgehammer by busting through the cover he was using it's hard to go back to regular virtual murder. It does feel a tad gimmicky at times as the rest of the game isn't really fleshed out yet, like the fact that there are only two character models in the beta, but it's also quite fun so it's easy to forgive that feeling.

I'll be interested to see how the whole destruction sandbox thing will work out, will Mercenaries do it better? only time will tell!

10:48 AM on 06.04.2008

You read correctly fellow d-toiders! I have joined with the unwashed masses of greasy, dirty, slimy self promoters! As a result of my decent into darkness I also use exclamation points far too often!

But that is in our past, let us leave it there like an unwanted baby on the rain soaked granite steps of a church. Me and a fellow D-toid member have made a web comic! Now before you refuse to visit, note that we make 0 cash from this venture. It is a labor of warm indifference, and I hope you enjoy it should you choose to give it a go.

Make sure to start from the first one and work your way up!

Click here for mild laughs, maybe!

2:13 AM on 04.16.2008

I've noticed a certain trend, perhaps you could even call it an obsession, that has been slithering across the Internet ever since Brawl came out. People want, no NEED, to see princess peach in her bare essentials. Perhaps it's the allure of the buttoned down preppy girl that makes that little glimpse so desirable. I don't know, I only took 15 years of psych 101 in Junior College.

But as I've mentioned before I'm nothing if I'm not a people pleaser. So here you go Internets! I hope you enjoy.


**Before I begin this rant I'd just like to say that I didn't play through a lot of this game, so I wouldn't qualify this as a review.**

That being said, I don't believe this game deserves a review. I think that it should be cast into a pit (maybe the same pit ET currently calls home) and devoured by ravenous hell beasts with acid spit and eyes that scream with the wails of a thousand lost souls.

I've read some literature that says this game is worth a rental if you're a fan of the show, I'd say that qualifier should be turned on it's ear. If you are a fan of the show, for GOD'S SAKE do not even look at this game, lest you vomit and crap in a continuous stream like a water weenee filled with baked beans and split pea soup. What I'm trying to say is the game is not very good.

But WHY isn't it very good Forrest? Well allow me to elaborate on a few key points.

The Bad

-The games takes place over the span of seasons 1-2ish. Thus there is nothing enlightening or even interesting in the game's premise.

-The black smoke monster is out on the prowl! But don't worry because you can hear him coming from a mile away and to avoid something that is MADE OF SMOKE all you have to do is hide in the roots of a tree.

-You're on a sprawling island with deep dense jungle, BUT invisible walls abound and exploration is an after thought.

-You want a mini map? FUCK YOU! This is LOST bitch you don't get a map! Instead you have to find pieces of the airplane (because in the show they are constantly coming across wreckage deep in the jungle, HOW ABOUT NEVER YOU FUCKTARD) and when you examine those peices you are some how able to find another peice of the plan in the distance that is in the exact direction you need to go. REALLY? yes really.

-In the Dark, deadly falls await you at EVERY turn. Every once and a while you'll be called upon to go into a dark and spooky cave. Well you'd better have some source of light because if you don't you will fall down a hole. Now if you have a torch you'll be fine, the floor with be without a single divit but god forbid that torch goes out because a chasm will appear and you WILL be sucked into it's inky abyss.

-Just like in the show there's a guy in the tree fort trying to kill you when you enter the jungle. Remember that episode? you know the one with the tree fort?

-The voice over "sound-a-likes" are terrible, just awful. John Lock's voice actor sounds like a racist imitation of a native American. It doesn't help that he says things like "Jack is strong like the buffalo, TATANKA!" ... alright he doesn't say that but still.

-The game is presented in an episodic manner. Now this isn't a bad idea, but what IS a bad idea is when the episode is 10 mins long and the start the next episode with a recap of what you JUST DID. Now on a TV show this works fine because it's been a week since you last saw the show, or maybe you skipped an episode and you'd like a little reminder. But there is a 2 second break between episdoes in the game so you end up seeing things that happened 3 minutes ago. Picture this! You get kicked in the head by some dude then the episode ends and the recap (last time on Lost) shows you getting kicked in the head by some dude! THANKS GAME!! I totally forgot!

- Amnesia, the most over used crutch in story telling history. Your character has it and to get it back you must look at torn pictures, then you are introduced into a weird looping hallucination that where you must take the same picture as the one featured in the torn picture. This would be fine except for the fact that you have INFINITE chances to get it right, thus no challenge.

I give it 9 out of 10 donkey turds. What a piece of shit.


6:02 PM on 03.22.2008

By and large I feel like people are WAY too accepting of the odd situations they are thrust into in video games and movies. I'm well aware that having a half hour of someone curled up in a ball sobbing uncontrollably after being transported to some alien land might be too much to ask, but really people if you found yourself on the other side of a rabbit hole with playing cards after your head you would SHIT. YOUR. PANTS.

Picture yourself as a simple plumber. Just trying to unclog another toilet and get paid, when all of the sudden you are sucked into the Mushroom Kingdom. A place where turtles and little turds with feet are out to kill you, coins and bricks float in mid air and you MUST break them with your head, every time you are touched you revert to a child like size and must eat a mushroom to grow, if you eat a glowing flower you can throw balls of fire that BOUNCE, and the only hot girls are constantly being kidnapped by a fucking DINOSAUR!! And you're telling me that you'd just say "well that's weird but whatever, lets roll!". No you would be a gibbering mess with your knees pressed up to your chest rocking back and forth just repeating the word "no" over and over.

Good thing your twin brother Luigi Mario is there to help you maintain.

Anyone remember that game Little Nemo? Where that kid in pajamas rides around a four legged bed? Well I don't really because that was never one I got as a kid. But I do remember seeing ads for it all over the back of my transformer comics and just that little bit always interested me.

What I comfortable way to fight evil right? It would be perfect if my TV and PS3 or Wii also sprouted legs and scrabbled after me on my way to do battle with the forces of darkness. Maybe a bag of plantain chips as well. That would be sweet.

Well I was thinking of those ads the other day when I made this. Originally it was going to be Little Nemo all grown up, confined to his bed and bat shit insane. But I was really in the mood to draw the ocean, so instead I drew this ship wrecked chap who has used different elements from his tub to escape his island prison... and who knows perhaps he too will fight evil in a common household object.