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FlatTopJesus avatar 1:16 PM on 04.30.2008  (server time)
Does it suck? Contest Entry: Two Worlds

Two Worlds, the self-labeled "revolutionary" and "ambitious" RPG "epic", was released August 21, 2007 on the 360 and PC. This game was unanimously panned by critics and gamers alike, and the 360 version currently has a rating of 50 on metacritic. Some idiots would go on to claim that this is because of its "unfair" comparison to Oblivion, while others exercising rational thought saw it for what is was, a terrible Action-RPG.

Game Information:
(US) Release Date: 08/21/07
Developed By: TopWare Interactive
Published By: SouthPeak Interactive
Platform(s): Xbox 360, PC, PS3 (Unreleased as of now)

The Premise:

Dear Google Images: I love you.

Two Worlds follows the chronicles of Generic Guy as he quests through the world of Not-Cyrodiil, seeking treasure and notoriety, as well as attempting to rescue his scantily-clad sister and destroy some mysterious evil knights that would like nothing more than to ruin everyone's day. Trust me, the premise of Two Worlds is about as original as it gets. It's a hack-and-slash, open-world RPG that promised to combine deep combat and exploration with a top notch story. Well the story is awful, but at least there is moral dichotomy that you can pick and choose from; so you can be good or evil.... sorta. It's [moral skew of your choosing] vs. Evil, but despite this you can be good the entire game and just decide to be evil in the end by choosing so in the final dialog option, or vice versa.

The Game:

Two worlds was first shown at E3 2006, and no one has cared about it from that day forward. Then-Developer Reality Pump promised a unique, card-based magic system, intuitive and cinematic combat, a giant world, and fatigue system that made you play your character as if it was a real person; he/she needed sleep and sustenance. The most ambitious claim was the promise of a dynamic multiplayer MMO-like component. And most of these things made it in! Buuuut they all sucked.

The combat is actually quite intuitive. You smash the trigger button down repeatedly, and things die. Dynasty Warriors has resounding depth in comparison. You can use the magic system, but it's only use is decreasing down time via healing. The card system is intact, but magic is so trivial that there is almost no reason for it. There is maybe one good spell to use in combat, Chains, and you get it maybe an hour in to the quest. That's not good. The fatigue system? Doesn't exist. From a gameplay standpoint, the difficulty of this game is a joke. There is almost no penalty for death, as you are respawned at shrines a la Bioshock's Vita-Chambers. Therefore, if an enemy does give you any trouble (unless you wander off in to the final area as soon as you begin the game, none will), you can just wear it down and kill it eventually. Unlike Oblivion, the creatures are not leveled, so you could get your ass kicked, but it mostly amounts to you destroying any wolf that is foolish enough to approach you in the wild.

The leveling system is pretty standard, anyone who played Diablo will recognize this approach. You get skill points, you spend them. That's it. One interesting thing is that you can re-spend you skill points infinitely many times, there are merchants that reset them for you at a small price. The only other cool mechanic in the game is the "crafting" of items. Identical items can be stacked upon each other to create the same item, but more powerful. This leads to some ridiculously overpowered gear; it's quite cool and interesting to play around with. These weapons can then be augmented by gems, to further increase their potency. These jewels can also be stacked indefinitely, so again, overpowered weapons aplenty.

Not even close to being as intuitive as this picture makes it out to be.

The menu is awful and often impossible to decipher. The text is the same color as the background. It is truly horrendous; that's all I can say.

Overall, from a gameplay standpoint this game is the fusion of The Elder Scrolls series and Diablo 2, if that fusion was god awful.

Graphics and Sound:

This is pretty scary.

Oh boy; where should I begin? This game looks totally decent. However, technically proficient graphics don't make up for a lack of soul. It is totally generic in it's art style, and in addition to this the enemy design is terrible. however, looking like shit isn't limited to the enemies. Most of the NPC's faces appear to have some sort of mental deficiency, and generally never move around the environment. The main character looks especially awful, I swear he is cross-eyed. The animation is awkward and glitchy, and the pop-in is substantial. The lighting effects are pretty good. I guess that counts for something. Notable short-coming include the look of movement, horse-riding, and combat. Yeah, pretty much everything.

I'm sorry, but this guy looks retarded even with the hi-res graphics.

The one place that the art style does succeed in is variety. There are swamps, deserts, mountains, and everything in between. The towns are all quite unique as well, and there's even an awesome Asian themed one. I wish Oblivion would have had this sort of variety, though I suppose it all takes place in one province so what can you do.

The sound. Oh. My. God. It's awesome, really. All of the sound effects are pretty standard, so nothing to say there. But the voice acting is where this game shines/turns to shit beyond all reason. The entire script is written so poorly that it is a feat within itself. Not only that, it is "translated" into this incredibly cheese Old-English style. Expect to hear a lot of "forsooth", "mayhap", "knave", and the like. This could easily be considered the low point of the game, but I can't help but love its ham-handed goodness. Oh, and the music is standard. Nothing amazing, but it works well enough and isn't annoying.


This is as simple as I can explain it.

Although a little laggy, especially when it comes to magic, the control is one of the few things not broken about this game. You attack and hotkey spells (probably a Heal) with the triggers, the bumpers are potion shortcuts, and the face buttons are basically used for jumping and dodging. One thing that works a little too well is the dodge; if you are good with it you are functionally immortal. You can jam the button down a split-second after performing any other action, and you will instantaneously slide back to safety. The horse-back riding is painfully difficult, but fairly useless due to a nice teleport system. But like I said, the control isn't too bad. It's functional, but sloppy.

The Good:
-Awesome Dialog
-Sweet, Feudal-Japanese Town
-Ridiculously Overpowered Characters

The Bad:
-Literally Everything Else

PENULTIMATE SUCK. This game will rape your mind and defile your soul. 9 out of 10.


I wholeheartedly recommend this game. I played it extensively, and despite all its faults, it's definitely a guilty pleasure of mine. I enjoyed it, and as long as you take everything with a grain of salt and expect the game to be humorous (even though it doesn't intentionally do so), you will have a good time. It's dumb, it's simple, and it's fun. Just don't pay more than 10 bucks for it. Seriously.


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