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About
Hello there, my name is Alpha.
Now. Many mysterious things can happen when you encounter an elephant. It may decide to take you on a trip to another planet, which is dangerous because we don't know what kind of food they eat on other planets. If you were allergic to it all you'd probably die very quickly. Of course, you could try to eat the inhabitants of that planet but they'd probably try to kill you for that so maybe that isn't a good idea either.

A good way to get rid of unwanted slices of bread is to toast them. I like to call this "Toasted Bread" or "Toast" for short. Many people toast bread so it's not my invention but it's not something which gets talked about often enough and so I thought I'd write a book on it.
Player Profile
PSN ID:Flanx17
Steam ID:NoxLycanth
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FlanxLycanth
4:32 AM on 02.25.2015

I havent bought a Nintendo console since the Gamecube which was an awesome little thing. Memories of Metroid Prime and Smash Bros. make me wish it didnt die (RIP Terry the Gamecube) and it had the only game my mother would play which was Mario Kart: Double Dash.

The New 3DS came out here in the UK on the 13th but I only got to mine on the 18th as I was on holiday. Since then I've been trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing on this thing. It's been quite fun so far...except playing on the train seems to attract the attention of middle aged women and the auto-brightness sometimes makes playing games feel more like ninja training to hunt prey in the dark.

But anyway, here's my new friend. The "Metalic Black" New 3DS XL. Which is a like because there is nothing black about this. They should have called it "Shiny Grey" or "Dull Silver". It's kinda ruining my tech colour scheme. Phone is black, PS Vita is black, PC + all peripherals are black, PS3 is black, I'm black and then there's this..."Polished Dust" 3DS.

Also, it's got a crush:

Streetpass is an odd little thing. It's suprising how many I get on the train to and from work, I never see anyone playing a DS. Maybe I'm getting them from people who are at the stations? There's this one girl I seem to pass every day, we seem to get on the same train but I still cant tell who it is. For now I'll just use my Mii to shout odd quotes at her....

In total at the moment I have 3 games. LoZ Majoras Mask, SMT IV and MH4U but I havent touched Majoras mask yet. I've been having fun getting my ass kicked in the other two. I did get a pretty nice Majoras mask themed carrying case though. It holds the system, 4 games, my head phones and comes with two mask themed stylus and a roll of sellotape...

I'm feel like im cheating my way through StreetPass Quest. When you pass someone more than once the Mii levels up and they seem to do more damage. So I've got train girl and my younger brother slapping things silly in there...until a stupid shield ghost turns up and ruins the fun (NOBODY WEARS YELLOW?!) My brother has been playing Smash Bros alone for the last week so this is what I get in my plaza every day when I get home from work...

 

Can anyone reccomend me any good 3DS games? I don't plan to buy anything more until I finish one of the ones I have already. I've got Alpha Sapphire, Persona Q and Devil Survivor Overclocked in mind already. What are other must have 3DS titles?

Photo Photo Photo








(Img link coz the pic is small: http://cloud-4.steampowered.com/ugc/533999778723340389/B61A9EF6376DB9A8F3232A90D609B1CB9FE62C72/

There was once a Chinese man named Jesus. He wore black clothes every day to remind him of his old highschool crush who was also black. Damn she was hot. Like we're talking at least 97 degrees without clouds here. 
You see, back in the day Jesus was a playa and the one thing he loved was a good ol' peice of booty. There was this one girl in his maths class who had it going on. Sure, she was black and his strict Chinese family probably wouldn't appprove but this gurl had a booty like daaayummmm.

Jesus decided that it was time that he practised his Bible skills to win over the girl's heart. He knew that she'd totally dig his bible because praise the lord and all that jazz, and black people back then LOVED jazz. He spent hours every night memorising various passages and even made his own 12 disciples out of clay. Like, he was on this shit. 

Finally, after 40 days and 40 nights of listening to Lover's Rock and R&B, Jesus decided he was ready to ask the girl of his dreams on a date. But then it happened. On his bicycle ride into work, Jesus kicked a puppy that was in his way. The puppy died instantly but because the PS4 has so much RAM the puppy's corpse didn't dissolve into nothing, it just stayed there in the road. R Kelly's limo ran over the puppy which would have normally been ok but the PS4 rendered puppy had so little polygons it was all pointy and shit and made the limo crash into a wall.

Subsequently, R Kelly died. The girl that Jesus was in love with was distraught because she was black and ALL black people LOVE R Kelly. She couldn't handle the pain and so took her life. She also took her mothers purse. And she took the family car...Hell she took everything....what a bitch... (shit Jesus man this bitch is crazy!)

Later that year, Jesus graduated from college and became a priest in the near-by church because you totally need a degree in Holy Economics to become a priest. In the Church garden he planted a Peach Tree. The peach tree was there as a sign of hope for him, for though even though the love of his life was dead, he was still man enough to grow fruit. Also the shape of the peaches reminded him of his beloved girl's sweet, sweet ass.

Disclaimer:
He taught his students that black women were the shit, and that they should go get them some of that. One of his students grew up to a master painter. That's where the picture comes from. It's not a screenshot from Resident Evil 6 ffs what's wrong with you.

I dont actually know what disclaimer means:
I'm single. And Black. So, you know.








FlanxLycanth
9:13 AM on 12.19.2014

HELLO EVERYONE IM 12.

I WENT ON HOLIDAY, I SAW ICE!

https://scontent-b-ams.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/1560730_10203551622368161_971124558232870742_n.jpg?oh=46e1784fd42318af9aa1a2ba27c15aef&oe=553C7625

I SAW STUFFED ANIMALS, I NAMED HIM STEVE

https://scontent-b-ams.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10857839_10203552895839997_5027730448395898808_n.jpg?oh=52046c5c2f14807dff4ecd06c153fe40&oe=55071121

I WENT TO A HOT SPRING, HERES PROOF. THIS IS ME.

http://imgur.com/ZjAy6xG

OK SO IM BACK WHERE I LIVE NOW, I'VE BEEN PLAYING A LOT OF FINAL FANTASY 14. ALSO THE PERSON WHO I GOT IN SECRT SANTA, EXPECT TO GET A COPY OF FINAL FANTASY 14. WHY? BECAUSE SANTA ISNT REAL.

CYA IN THE COMMENTS SECTIONS OF LIKE EVERY POST.

PS. YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO CLICK ON THE LINKS TO SEE THE IMAGES. THIS IS SOME 1994 SHIT. THE PICTURES ARE ALL QUITE GOOD, IF U USE ONE FOR YOUR DESKTOP BACKGROUND THEN GOOD FOR YOU.









Hello my tempting teacups of tenacity.
I've come back from the dark corner of my bedroom to bring you the opportunity to talk with the community about things! What have you been doing lately? What have you been playing? Did that girl next door finally send you those nudes? Don't keep it to yourself, discuss!

Because my life is very uninteresting I don't have much to share but I'll see what I can do.

On the PC I am....
Finishing Resident Evil 6! I've been playing this game for a good 20-something hours now which is suprising, I didn't think I was gonna get that much time out of it. It can be a frustrating little fur tail sometimes but overall its quite fun. I've only got Ada booty  Wong's campaign to finish now. OH AND HELENAS SISTER.



Can we take a moment to speak on how disturbingly sexy this zombie is?
I mean you get the pleasure of fapping to fighting this TWICE. 
Too bad the bloody game doesn't let you pause.

On the PS3...
I'm playing BlazBlue again. Not really because I want to but more because I haven't played any acfade fighter in a while and the hype for the new Guilty Gear is RISING. I cant wait for it, I think I'm gonna stick to good ol' Chipp although Sin Kiske does look rather fun, so does the odd gal in the long dress. I never stick with one character for long so I'll probably jump around until I find the main.

Here's a new video if you haven't seen it yet

In the realm of the real world...

I started going to the gym. I got a friend coming along with me. The guy lost a heapload of weight over the last year. He got really tired of being lethargic and heavy and so he decided to do something about it. Now he's real happy with his body and I thought I needed some of that in my life. So I'm going along too. Maybe I'll be as sexy as Andy Dixon in a few years time.
Related image:

That's it from me, what's everyone else been doing?

(oh and here's something funny http://www.gofundme.com/hksruc)
^ Yes that is me. This is a joke campaign im running, I am going on holiday but I don't think I look too attractive in a hat tbh.

 

 









Anyone who uploads a picture of them eating slices of cucumber will recieve a slice of birthday cake.

Unlike Destructoid competitions, no matter where you are in the world I will send you cake.

I'll be 20 years old, does that make me too old to marry Andy Dixon? I heard he likes them young.

Remember to PM your address so I knew where to send the cake...otherwise the postman will eat it and he's already kinda fat.

Did you know this website is about video games?

I've never had a girlfriend.

What makes pineapple taste so damn good?

I started going to the gym a week and a half a go. Squatting 40kg. 5 sets of 5. Soon I'll big enough to build a house for me and Andy Dixon to raise our children.

Here's a random image link

http://i.imgur.com/IzdiTC6.jpg









Earlier today, Destructoid person-thingy Darren Nakamura stated that he had not yet eaten and would probably eat a bowl of Rice Chex.
I have proof, an cropped screencap of my screen at the time, 13:00.

At the same time, I was speaking upon the dreadful fact that the USA plans to use the Hulu satellite to destroy all monsters whales living in the area around Australia. I though that these two comments apearing within such a short time frame was suspicious and so I did some researching... The results are disgusting, so prepare yourselves.

1. Darren Nakamura lives in Arizona.
Arizona is the name of a drink.
The green tea flavour has blue packaging.
The sea is blue.
Whales live in the sea.
[Evidence towards Darren killing the whales pt.1]

2. Darren Nakamura's Linked In states that he..
Is a Agricultural Chemist II at Arizona Department of Agriculture.
Chemists make chemicals.
Chemicals leak into the sea due to incorrect disposal methods.
There's a 91.305% chance that Darren has disposed something in his life, at least once.
Chemicals in the sea have killed Aquatic life before.
Whales are aquatic life.
[Evidence towards Darren killing the whales pt.2]

3. Darren Nakamura's Facebook profile pic is a cartoon of him holding a dog.



Look at the state of this dog.
The dog has two different colour eyes.
One of the eyes are blue.
The sea is blue.
The dog is an animal.
Whales are animals.
[Evidence towards Darren killing the whales pt.3]

4. I searched "Darren Whales" into google and I got...
A picture of Darren underwater, finding the right spot to aim the satelites laser beams.


5. I've never heard of Rice Chex.
Let's assume this is some sort of whale killing code. We break "Rice Chex" into letters and assign a number to each of these letters, the number being their place in the alpha bet. If we add up the sum of "Rice Chex" we get 74. Australia has 9 letters in it. Dividing 74 by 9 gives us 8.2 if rounded.

Season 4, Episode 6 of Grey's Anatomy is rated 8.2 on IMDb.
Grey's Anotomy?
Name of a whale found near Australia...?

Mesoplodon grayi — Gray's Beaked Whale.

 

DARREN NAKAMURA IS PLANNING TO KILL THE AUSTRALIAN WHALES WITH THE HULU SATELITE, CONFIRMED.

 

 

 

 

 

Photo