Advice from Steve's Job's Doctor: A Rebuttal - Destructoid

Game database:   #ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ         ALL     Xbox One     PS4     360     PS3     WiiU     Wii     PC     3DS     DS     PS Vita     PSP     iOS     Android

Not much to say about myself. I am somewhat of a hermit, rarely venturing outside. The sun and I had a falling out about 24 years ago. I got all the bad Irish traits from the gene pool; pale skin, addictive personality, anger issues, etc..
Player Profile
Xbox LIVE:Fengor
PSN ID:Fengorr
Steam ID:Fengor
WOW ID:Fengor
WOW Realm:Earthen Ring
WOW Armory URL:
Follow me:
Twitch.TV:Fengor_OG's Channel
Fengor's sites

Thereís an article up on Wired ( ) thatís about advice for living longer from Steve Jobís own doctor. The cynic in me laughs at that notion since our dearest Steve died at an early age. Thereís some rumblings in the comments about him convincing Steve to use holistic medicine instead of real medicine, and thus responsible for him succumbing to cancer. I honestly donít know anything about that, and donít really care, but I figured I should poke fun at the select ďRules to Live (Longer) ByĒ that wired listed alongside the article. Wired has not put the rules in sequential order, so neither will I.

Rule 29: Smile. ďThe act itself will trigger the release of pain-killing, brain-happy endorphins and serotonin.Ē

I gave this one a shot, since Iíve currently got a splitting headache due to lack of sleep/eye-strain,†and while I did feel momentarily happy I believe a fist full of Advil and Tylenol with a diet coke chaser will get the job done better.

Rule 2: Measure yourself. ďYou might want to consider adding a tracking app or device of some kind to your life.Ē

Thatís not advice, thatís at best advertising and at worst a conspiracy for the NSA to start tracking exactly how fat the US really is.

Rule 37: Eat more than three servings of cold-water fish a week.

Iím no angler, but Iím pretty sure bodies of water capable of supporting populations of fish are already cold. They may as well say to eat cows that come from a farm.

Rule 21: Inquire about statins if youíre over-the-hill.

Iíd google what ďstatinsĒ are, but I think Iíll wait till Iím 40 and the doctor is knuckle deep up my ass.

Rule 59: Avoid stilettos and other sneaky sources of inflammation. Wear comfortable shoes.

Well, I donít think I need too worry about that unless I have to attend an event that forces me to wear loafers, or I enter into an amateur drag queen competition.

Rule 5: Eat real food.

Heís right about this one. The ďNeverlandĒ diet I learned from Hook has so far only made me fat, as I seem to imagine feasts where buffalo wings and twinkies are the only things served.

Rule 31: Be positive.


Rule 57: Avoid Sunburns

Never going outsides is the only way to ďavoidĒ sunburns; otherwise youíre just sort of implementing damage control. Itís cool though, Iíll just use my tanning bed in order to get that godly-bronzed look. If itís not the actual sun itís technically not a sunburn afterall.

Rule 56: Avoid airport backscatter x-ray scanners. Until science can prove the safety of such machines, Iíll be requesting the manual pat-down massage when I go through the TSAís gateway at airports. You should too.

Thanks, but Iíll take the risk of cancer over having Earl thoroughly fondle my crotch as he searches me.

Is this blog awesome? Vote it up!

Those who have come:

Comments not appearing? Anti-virus apps like Avast or some browser extensions can cause this.
Easy fix: Add   [*]   to your software's white list. Tada! Happy comments time again.

Did you know? You can now get daily or weekly email notifications when humans reply to your comments.

Back to Top

All content is yours to recycle through our Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing requiring attribution. Our communities are obsessed with videoGames, movies, anime, and toys.

Living the dream since March 16, 2006

Advertising on destructoid is available: Please contact them to learn more