I'm old, folks. Not old in a get off my lawn old, but seriously stay off my lawn anyway.

But I am old enough to remember when King's Quest 1 hit the scene, when Wolfenstein was being traded on floppies at Ham shows (my Dad's a Ham Radio operator and I tagged along with him), and when CD-ROM games were a cute little ploy to sell tiny video files to idiots such as myself.

But there are a good number of games which stand the test of time. Like certain movies, games can remain important long after they become obsolete. Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Gone With the Wind, none of these movies are really sought after by the younger crowd. But they are important pieces of cinema and teach us many things.

I present to you the current list of Games You Should Try No Matter How Old You Are.

Day of the Tentacle: This classic masterpiece by Lucasarts and Tim Schafer is a sequel to Maniac Mansion, and is better and funnier in every possible way. Multi-directional time travel, selling a game idea before it's even invented to buy a 2 million dollar diamond, and the ol' tricking George Washington into thinking it's a Cherry Tree in order to save a friend 400 years in the future. Sweet.

Sam & Max: The recent episodes are an absolute blast, but one can never forget Sam & Max Hit the Road, in which our loveable friends save a Sasquatch from a midget in a toupee. Brilliant writing and animation.

King's Quest 6: I consider this to be the best in the series because of its branching plots, multiple endings, and sheer variety in settings. That goddamn Stick in the Mud needed to be taught a lesson, and any game that lets you take a Dangling Participle with you in order to solve a word puzzle needs to be mentioned. Also you get to die and go to Hades and make him FUCKING CRY. That's a helluva thing.

Leisure Suit Larry 6: This one I include because I was a teenager when I played it and basically sported a massive boner throughout. Sorry. But the graphic style and genius comedy made it perfect for its time. Neil Ross (the narrator) was pitch-perfect throughout the entire game, and I love everything he adopts his voice too. LSL7 was a treat too, don't forget it. Milk the beavers if you remember to do so.

Space Quest 5: The crux of the Space Quest Series. While many say that SQIV had the better story revolving a bunch of time traveling nonsense, SQV hit the nose with giving our hero Roger Wilco a crappy Dust Buster spaceship to clean up the universe, which led to once again saving the galaxy from a pile of gooey filth and really having a grand old time. I really wish Sierra had given this game the voice treatment, because the cast of characters was truly great, from Flo the navigator to WD-40 the evil robot assassin-turned science officer. And Ambassador Wankmeister was stupid hot. You don't even know.

Full Throttle: Yeah, you probably had your fill of Lucasarts adventure games by now, but you haven't. This is Tim Schafer's Magnum Opus in the 2D realm, and incredibly witty foray into the classic adventure format.
Ben, the leader of the Polecat biker gang, has been knocked out, the creator of his bike company offed, and he's been screwed six ways from Sunday. While shorter than other Lucasarts games, this one really gets under your skin with a cast you love, especially Ben and Maureen. It's a real shame we don't get characterization like this in games anymore.

Star Control II: I save this one for last, because it holds an important point in my life. When me and my friend played this game on his 3DO, it was inspiring. The music was just absolutely incredible for its time and nailed the setting perfectly. Every creature, every battle, every conversation with the Orz or the Ur-Quan or the Umgah was spot-on genius. The space battles were unique, the universe was excellent, and even the mundane task of collecting materials was challenging. But you, my friends, are in luck, because SCII has been released in free source. Just hit up This sweet link and try Star Control.. er, I mean, The Ur-Quan Masters. I might grab a strategy guide too, but trust me, if you haven't played through it before, you'll love every minute of it.

Well, there's my list. I'm sure my alcohol-raddled brain will think up others in the future, but this is your current assignment. Once you finish that I'll give you some more. I also recommend looking up ScummVM and DOSbox if you plan on playing these classics. Like a DVD player, jamming a VHS tape into it will only produce laughs and fire.