Hello again. As you can tell by the post title, this week's entry is devoted entirely to those behemoth bosses that make you look like an insect by comparison, but you kill them in a way that's usually described along the lines of " Oh my God", "Oh, Snap!" or my personal favorite: "Oh my God! Holy Shit, Did you see that?" Since we got the overview out of the way lets get to recapping these slain goliaths.

Boss:The Hydra
Game: God of War



If you've played the original God of War, then you already have fond memories of this one, if you haven't, then why are you sitting here reading it! Spoilers! Go play it right now! If you don't have it GO BUY IT RIGHT NOW!!! Don't worry, I wait. * listens to the entire Chinese Democracy album and FC's it on Expert guitar on Rock Band* , you back, good. Now this boss I hold in high regard because it showed me that bosses could span an entire level and be cool (something Shadow of the Colossus built its foundation on and made it better). The scenario goes like this: Posidean, King of the Seas , tasks you with slaying the Aegean Hydra, a multi-headed beast that's roughly the size of a small island. As opposed to its Athenian cousin, this one doesn't grow an extra two heads every time it gets decapitated. Sorry for the mythical biology lesson, but its something that had to be clarified. After slaughtering god know how many Undead Legionnaires and wasting two of its heads, you get to the main part of the ship. One slaughterfest of a cutscene later, you get to the climactic first boss of the game. Your gonna have your hands full with three Hydra heads to deal with this time, and the more dragon looking one will heal the others. To stop that from happening, you impale the smaller heads to take them out. After that you fight the main head. It uses only chomps and roars ( someone needs a breath mint) to fight you. After slamming its head against the main mast, you kill it by impaling it on the mast, the fucking mast people! This not only solidified God of War as one of my favorite games of all time, but also showed that Kratos is a bad ass you don't wanna meet if your a creature of Greek Mythology.

Boss: The Batomys
Game: Valkyria Chronicles


Pictured above: NOT The Batomys. Its much larger for the record.

I won't lie to you, I almost stopped playing Valkyria Chronicles because of this. Ch. 7 was the example of how the game dynamically adjusted to show the true chaotic nature of war. It also featured the Batomys. This metal monstrosity is one of the Empire's biggest war machines, and almost impossible to destroy. Its armed with 6 turrets, a giant ragnite cannon and a rear standard cannon. It took me a week to get this operation completed,the basic strategy of using both lancers and the Edelweiss ( your suspiciously modern looking tank) is enough to take it out. Don't get me wrong, this one is far from easy and what pushes this one into controller-smashing territory is when Selvaria shows up with backup. She is a descendant of the Valkyria ( glowing people with a lot of power) meaning she wiped out most of my troops with her glowy Gatling ray of death( or GGRD for short) After Destroying the all of the main cannon's radiators all you gotta do is blow the thing to hell with a few well placed shots from your tank and lancers. Afterwards you see "His Grace" and his troops haul ass.

Boss:Brachyura (or however the fuck its spelled)
Game: Castlevania Order Of Ecclesia



Wow. I just noticed that Order of Ecclesia has gotten a lot of exposure in the Files (last week was devoted entirely to that game). The first "interesting" (and challenging) boss of Order of Ecclesia, the fight wasn't about killing it but making it to the top of the lighthouse. It' try to smash you with its giant claw and shoot acidic bubbles,and that's it. The way you kill it is awesome you crush with an elevator. Me describing it really doesn't do it justice. Watch this clip!



Did you see it. If so then good if not, then watch it or play the damn game!

That's it for now, I know there's nothing about the Batomys, but I had to include it because its hard and I classify hard bosses.
PS. Thanks for allowing me to waste your time doing something else.