F Whipple 's blog
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I'll try and keep this simple. I'm currently in my first year of grad school at Illinois State University going for my masters in Exercise Physiology. I recently graduated from Millikin University (bonus points to anyone who knows where that is). Aside from video games my other hobbies are running, ultimate frisbee, music, and putting off what I'm supposed to be doing.

Systems I own:
Nintendo Wii
gameboy color
game gear
crap laptop
not SNES emulator
not GBA emulator

game: Smash bros
movie: Star Wars, Last of the Mohicans
book: Once a Runner, The Bible
food: spaghettie marinara
tv show: scrubs
song: Take on me by Ah-ha
word: duodenum
roller coaster: Millenium Force
color: green
football team: Da Bears!
baseball team: Cubs
drink: Long Island iced tea
Following (32)  

1) My real name is not even close to F Whipple

2) I once wrote a paper comparing horror across different mediums such as literature, film, and, of course, video games. It was the most enjoyable research I have ever done for a paper. Long story short, I came to the conclusion that video games did a much better job of scaring the pants off of me. I got a B+

3) I've ridden an elephant before. I regret not using it to rampage through the town.

4) I've been tackled on the sidelines of a football game before despite not being on the team. As an athletic trainer we had to stand on the sidelines with the players. The play was drifting towards our sideline and I figured I would be be fine, BAD IDEA. Initially, I was safe, but at the last second our guy with the ball got hit by a defender his path was redirected towards me. The only thing going through my mind was "O Shit." I was nailed in the chest and sent flying backwards. I turned this dire situation into awesomeness. With all the momentum that I had once my back hit the ground I continued rolling backwards and did a back handspring onto my feet. The crowd went crazy and I did all this while rocking a fanny pack.

5) I've been to mexico twice on mission trips. Both times we built houses for people living in in houses made out of cardboard and wooden palletes. They were both two of the most humbling times of my life but most importantly I learned that Mexican pop is amazing since it uses real sugar. Apple soda is one of the greatest things I've ever tasted.

6) I love sports! (as evidenced as being an athletic trainer I suppose) I'm a huge Cubs, Bears, and Illini fan and enjoy playing nearly every sport. I've ran cross-country and track through both high school and college and was an intermural ultimate frisbee champ.

7) I went to a non-televised Nickelodeon event and got picked to go on-stage to compete in a game. My team lost but it was completely worth it because I got slimed.

8) Out of all my left-handed friends, I'm the only one who holds the wiimote in my left hand and the nunchuck in my right. Oddly enough, I sometimes cross my hands when playing. I'm also still bitter about Link being right-handed in Twilight Princess.

9) I'm a huge Star Wars nerd. During Jr. High and High School I read about 40 books in the expanded universe. I can still watch the cantina scene in A New Hope and name nearly all the characters' names and species. My favorite is Return of the Jedi

10) My game gear collection contains such classics as Primal Rage (severely gimped on the GG), Shaq-Fu, and....

Reading this will give you AIDS. Enjoy!

Koei and MTV games have combined to make an excitingly new and innovative game, Bromance of the Three Kingdoms. This game combines the seemingly incompatible genres of turn-based strategy and a relationship simulator. The goal of the game is to develop a bromance with another member of your fighting team and defend it from those wish to come in between you and your bromantically-linked benefactor. An all-new "bro-creation" system allows you to customize your own bro in everything from his stats to deepest fears. This shit is real, yo! If bro-creating isn't your cup of tea you can choose amongst several famous bromantically linked fellows, each with their own unique stats and abilities. Among them are:

-from MTV's own Bromance, Brody Jenner (don't judge me for knowing this): super effective against teen girls, he's weak against those who don't say "like" every three words
-Everyone's favorite curmudgeon, Dr. House: Although his use of a cane inhibits his mobility, it packs quite a wallop. He is also able to incapacitate foes by diagnosing them with an off-the-wall disease at the last minute.
-J.D. from Scrubs: Wario-like character but instead of riding a motorcycle and eating garlic to become Wario-man he rides his moped "Sasha" and sips appletinis to rampage in his onesie.
-Destructoid's very own Jim Sterling: Wields a mighty monocle and has the power to crush fanboys as well as being resistant to flames. However, his mere presence increases the amount of faceless enemies.
-Marcus Fenix: He has a gun with a chainsaw!! Enough said
-Many more!

The party will have to fight and defend their bromances from several different enemy types, including:
-Guys who are too "macho" to understand what a bromance is
-dogs: they believe they should be man's best friend
-girlfriends and wives: Remember, bros before hoes
-Dr. Cox

In addition to the turn-based strategy, a relationship simulator is included within the game. This allows you develop your bromance to increase your stats. You can choose to reenact bromances such as Dr. House and Dr. Wilson, J.D. and Turk, or even Sterling and Jack Thompson. Or you can mix and match to personalize your bromance. Ever wanted to know what would happen in a bromance between Sterling and Ashton Kutcher from Dude, Where's My Car? Bromance of the Three Kingdoms allows you to do so. In between battles, you can choose from several activities to strengthen your bromance, such as eating a steak dinner, playing sports, going to see a movie, or even talking about your "feelings."

Also included is a new and hyper-innovative feature never-before-seen in a videogame before, a hand-shake creator. That's right, not only can you have your own bromance, but you can make your own secret handshake to make all your enemies jealous. A longer and more complex handshake yields higher rewards. A strong-enough bromance increases your characters' stats when paired on a battle field, as well as providing a better wingman when trying to pick up chicks at a bar. If strong enough, a bromance can even be taken to the next level, that of the mythical "guy love."

Music: With an epic soundtrack created by one of music's finest bromances, Hall and Oates, you'll feel emotions that you didn't know existed!

-over 20 stages of turn-based-strategy action
-"bro-creation" system to make your own character
-custom hand-shake creator
-bromantically linked characters from all over pop culture
-"Maneater" by Hall and Oates

Coming soon to PS3, 360, and mobile phones at the great deal of $200 (licensing fees). Don't miss out on the greatest game ever.

"11/10" Ca$hWhore.com

F Whipple
12:24 PM on 09.30.2008

We all make mistakes. It's a fact of life. Video games are no exception. I nearly every game we'll come across some small little detail that makes absolutely no sense. It's no deal breaker but it will absolutely infuriate us. But I'm not here to talk about those. No, I want to talk about all the little mistakes that I (and probably most of you) make while playing games. They can be huge mistakes or even small ones, but either one will get my blood boiling. So here's to all the frustrating, maddening, hair-raising, and dead-baby causing mistakes that I've made while gaming.

-To pretty much every death experienced in a Mega Man game, especially the times I get careless and walk into a pit.

-To nailing a difficult note sequence in GH/RB only to fuck it up on something easy

-To sneezing while playing GH/RB

-To not washing my hands after eating greasy food before handling a controller

-To attempting to melee someone holding a shotgun in Halo

-To completely whiffing while trying to backstab someone in TF2

-To all the times I've died in an RPG only to realize I hadn't saved in the past two hours

-To the time I sold my NES.....le sigh

-To the times I zigged when I should've zagged only to get nailed by a falcon punch

-To all the times I killed a hard-to-capture pokemon with a critical hit. (more bad luck than a mistake but damnit it's frustrating as hell)

-To the times I sold items I didn't want to

-To using all caps in a character's name when the rest of the game uses lower case typing (it may be a bit anal but it annoys me)

-To the times I shot a full court shot in a basketball game because I couldn't remember what button does what

-To the time my dad walked in on FFX's laughing scene and most likely questioned my sexuality

-To walking into the path of a flying wayward wiimote

-To not making separate save points in games that practically require it (Damn you FF Tactics!)

-To all the games I started and never finished

-To never owning a ps2 and missing out on many great games

-To letting Ocarina's forest temple theme scare the crap out of me

-To waisting too much of my life on Guild Wars

-To making a stupid move in fire emblem that would eventually lead to the difficult decision of restarting a chapter and losing an hour's worth of work or permanently losing a member of my team

-To all the meals I've missed just to keep playing

-To interrupting a dual-summon knights of the round miming chain by using a limit and thus destroying said chain (I always look back to that and wonder if I would've finally beaten emerald weapon)

-To the times I've been beaten by a button masher

-To trying to play Super Mario World with a gamecube controller

-To not buying enough phoenix downs

-To being in first place in Mario Kart and expecting to win

-To letting my curiosity get the best of me (What's this giant green thing floating lazily around in FF7? OMGWTF??)

-To trying to kill someone with the Klobb in Goldeneye

-To being Jaws in Goldeneye

-To getting to engrossed in an RPG that I can't get it off my mind and have trouble sleeping

-To fucking up too much in Devil May Cry

-To not leveling up someone enough before I have to use them

-To buying the gimped Game Gear version of Shaq Fu

-To killing Magus in Chrono Trigger before learning that he could join me

-To forgetting to put a toilet in my Sims' homes (ok that wasn't a mistake, it was just funny)

-Not waiting for shadow in FF6

-Shooting ashley in RE4

-Renting Aquaman

-Staying up late to beat Aquaman (It was awesome for the first couple levels. Summoning a dolphin to beat up an enemy was AMAZING, if you will. But when that animation's the same throughout the game and every level is practically the same except for the broken vehicle ones. It's amazing I made it through without alcohol)

-And of course, to all the times I made a mistake and instead blamed the controller or the game for just being a "stupid piece of shit"

So these were some of the irritating, hate-inducing mistakes I've made in games. I'm sure the list is much longer and it will only keep growing. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

According to IGN, LucasArts is developing a new Star Wars game built ground-up for the Wii called Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Obviously, the game will be set during the time of the Clone Wars but it also shares the same look as the upcoming animated series. It's being developed by Krome studios, the same guys who are handling The Force Unleashed for the Wii.

The most intriguing thing about this game is that IGN and the developer are calling this the lightsaber game we all wanted when the Wii was first announced. The nunchuck is used for movement but the wii-mote will handle all lightsaber movement. The main focus of the game seems to be on lightsaber duels (never a bad thing). On the issue of the mythic "one-to-one movement" we all want, here's what the developer has to say:

"Ken Fox: I wouldn't describe what we're doing as one-to-one in the way that you might picture, but we really tried to make it feel like you get to swing your Lightsaber 'manually'. In short, it feels like the most natural and convincing sword type experience I've had on the Wii. And on top of that, it not just a sword, it's a lightsaber"

As a complete Star Wars nerd, the idea of a game focused on dueling makes me very happy. The lightsaber duels were always my favorite part of the series. Also, the look of the animated series should mesh well on the Wii, as stylized graphics have looked good on the wii. However, I'm remaining cynical as my dreams for a lightsaber game are grandiose and this will likely not fulfill them. I think this game will give us the closest thing to one-to-one that we'll see for a while, and if we get a great multiplayer component this game can be upgraded to amazing. Hopefully this lives up to my lofty expectations.

F Whipple
8:53 PM on 05.26.2008


For those who were curious as to how Yoda would work and move around in Soul Calibur 4, IGN has a short video showing him off; provided I can correctly imbed the video. Like most of us would have guessed Yoda tends to jump around a lot as he does in the movies in order to attack his opponent. Also, he's very short which obviously works to his advantage. In the video the opponent (who's either stupid or a low level computer) lands only one attack on the little green monster with all other strikes going over his head.

The most interesting part to me was how the force would work out, which to my knowledge hasn't been shown to us yet. Apparently Yoda can shower his enemy with force pushes as long as he has energy left in his special force bar. This can be used for ringouts or for spacing. No news about any other force powers. So far he seems cheap to me. Most attacks will go over his head and although he has short range it seems the only way to reliably hit him is when he is in midair preparting for an attack. He may also have cheap ring-outs due to the force.

Most importantly though, his level is an Imperial shuttle bay complete with Star Wars Music in the background.

Ah life-stealing, how I despise thee. Strictly a co-op feature, life-stealing would occur when one person had completely run out of lives. This usually meant diddly squat however, as it was possible to borrow a life from the other player (provided they had one). This was something that was most popular in the side-scrolling beat-em-ups during the NES and SNES/Genesis eras. It was also likely the source of many strained relationships and fights.

I'd say that there are two types of life-stealing: the kind that you don't care about, and the kind that makes you want to punch babies. For the first kind it makes sense for someone to take your life. Perhaps you'd been hoarding the extra lives, going on a first come-first serve basis. Your buddy loses one and since you have plenty of extras, he might as well go for it. Another example is your buddy's died out and your facing a tough boss. An extra life and an extra player may be what is needed to overcome. Another and probably the best reason for life-stealing is to satisfy the significant other.

Now for the other kind. For example, you're paired up with your retarded younger brother who just happens to suck at the game. He loses all his lives relatively early, and what does he do? Hits the start button and steals your life, which just ends up being a waste because he dies within the next 5 minutes and takes another one.

And now for the worst case of life-stealing imaginable (well aside from SMW when you leave the room and come back with all your lives stolen). With just one extra life remaining and being low on health, your buddy decides to be the ultimate douche and take it. Leaving you with no extra lives and on the brink of death as he decides to tank his life and die. Nothing my "friends" did raised my ire more than this as a young lad living precariously as Raphael. To me this was the ultimate dick move.

So why is it such a guilty pleasure if it pissed me off to no end? Because it's damn funny. I myself have giddily participated in life-stealing just to piss off my friends, waiting till they had one life left then pressing start just before running out of the room for safety