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A Weird Kid's Top Ten -- Arcade Beat 'Em Ups
Excremento | 10:57 PM on 09.13.2007 32 comments




Tonight's edition of A Weird Kid's Top 10 is for a particular series that I can attest to eating more allowances that I can remember in the arcades. You got a whole $10 roll of quarters? Good, you'll need 'em, cause tonight we are talking about Arcade Beat 'em Ups, the most notoroious quarter munching games ever made (besides Shmups).

It took me a while to compile this list but after making my top 10, then looking some more, I realized that I could make a top 20, that's how fond a memory I have of these games. Sure, they'd take your money more and more as the levels went on, but you wouldn't mind in the slightest. Please keep in mind that this MY top 10 arcade Beat 'em Ups, I don't mind comments, but please no whining that I forgot one. And remember if you'd like to submit your own top 10 ideas, I'll try to make it.






Bad Dudes vs. Dragon Ninja, just the title alone warrants a place in my top 10. Even better was the Engrish in the game's intro "Rampant ninja related crimes these days...White House is not the exception...". The game had two converse sporting "bad dudes" on their way to rescue President Ronnie (Regan for you younguns out there). The fighting was pretty bleh, except for atrocious sounds the "dudes" would make when they got hit. Also this was one of the first arcade games I ever knew that let you "charge" an attack before hitting an opponent, in this case a Flaming Punch! Wow...also the first level boss was Karnov...if you know who that is.






Double Dragon was perhaps the first Beat 'em Up I remember playing, not terribly difficult, though the laggy controls and cheap ass enemies (like the whipping bitch or Abobo). This was a pretty short experience in the arcades, it only had 4 levels, and didn't cause me much grief beating it, even when I was a little kid. Truly a button mashing classic.






Final Fight was the shit. I remember vividly using either Guy or Haggar, Cody can kiss my ass! This game was pretty typical fare for Beat 'em Ups of the time except for the weapons you could use. Capcom was always good about putting plenty of weapons you could use. My favorite fight is between you and Sodom (from SF Alpha fame!) in the wrestling ring. You could make him drop his katanas and then wipe the floor with him using them. Good game, but not great.






This game blew my mind as a kid. The Simpsons beating the shit out of other Springfield residents? Turns out the majority of the people you fought were just random thugs that Matt Groening put into the game...oh well. The nice thing about this is the WHOLE Simpson got a chance to kick ass, especially my favorite, Marge! She had the vacuum to beat people with, that was just awesome when I was young, GO MARGE! SAVE YOUR BABY! Typical of the Konami arcade games of the time, this was a SERIOUS quarter muncher. Don't plan on beating this one with just a dollar peoples. Go find it, now!






One of my favorite mashup games of all time...aliens fighting predators holy shit! I didn't know there was a comic and the whole idea never occured to me until I played this in the arcade. The game had the usual Capcom Beat em Up feel, though my favorite character handled a lot like Chun-li from Street fighter, and was hella powerful, I'm talking about Linn Kurosawa. Most of the characters had hidden moves that weren't explained anywhere on the marquee or in game, you had to figure them out. If you were good enough, you could probably get through a good portion of the game with just one credit. A truly great game for the arcades.






Based on the Marvel comic books of the same name. The title says it all, this game has portions where you drive a big ass Cadillac, and plenty of times throughout where you have to fight dinosaurs. Think of it like Turok but not a first person shooter. Most of the weapons were lifted from the Final Fight series. It ranked so high only because it had freakin Cadillacs and Dinosaurs in it Hot Damn!!!






Great times playing this game for hours and hours, not to mention the fact that you weren't beating this game for less than $10 in quarters (depending on how much of a dick the arcade manager set the difficulty at). One of the first games I ever saw the wide screen format where they put two monitors next to each other, also the first arcade game that I ever played a 6 person co-op. I had to always be Nightcrawler or Dazzler. I really loved this game, but please there are only so many Sentinels one can kill in a gaming experience!






What a great concept, turning a beat 'em up into a RPG at the same time! This Capcom arcade cabinet had many many good times spent at it, alway fretting whether or not I should have picked the cleric over the fighter...damn I can remember almost having a panic attack wondering which path I should take in the game. That was something that was missing from most arcade games at the time, a choice of destination. Pretty damn good game if you ask me!






Hells the muthafuckin yea! TMNT the arcade game was one of those moments in childhood where life was perfect. Nobody told me how much of a bitch it would be to fight the Shredder or General Traag. Pretty amazing arcade beat em up for how old it is. I even got the XBLA version cause I loved it so much. I have to be Michaelangelo though bitches!






Why did this game make my number one spot you ask? Show me a game where you put your spiked boot up someone's ass and I'll show you my new number one. This was an ultra-violent, ass-kicking festival in the arcades, you could strip the skin off some enemies, or if you choose Zitz and you time your jump kick just right...your foot turns into an axe and off pops the baddie's head with arterial spray. Rash's foot turns into a chainsaw if memory serves right. Fuck this game was so much fun, but cheap as hell! I remember playing this game at my college's student-union building and putting over twenty dollars into it while I skipped 3 classes. I have never done that with any other game since. That's why it's my number one.

I'm sure many of you out there will disagree with most my choices, and will be hurt that I missed one of your favorites, but the beautiful thing is, you can post YOUR top ten in the comments. I hope you all enjoyed reading my latest installment. Don't forget to send me suggestions of top tens that you'd like to see in the future. Thanks again for reading!



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31 comments | showing # 1 to 31

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Butmac's Destructoid Blog
Awesome list

You are filled with win to the top

Top 5 could be interchangeable
Excremento's Destructoid Blog
I know, it was so fuckin hard to pick a favorite, all of them are excellent games!
kwaselow's Destructoid Blog
Simpsons FTMFW
AngelsDontBurn's Destructoid Blog
No Punisher love? That game wasn't too bad either!

I'm glad you have AVP on there though. Such an amazing beat 'em up. That and Cadillacs and Dinosaurs. Hell this whole list is good.

BUT you ARE missing Golden Axe! :O
Hoygeit's Destructoid Blog
For my own personal opinion, I enjoyed Dungeons & Dragons: Shadow over Mystara (had the hottest thief ever!) more then D&D: Tower of Doom.

Great list though!
Thank you for listing AVP and Simpsons.


Butmac's Destructoid Blog
Yeah, I really really like this list and that you included Cadillacs and Dinosaurs, D&D, and AVP - three overlooked arcade beat-em ups. Great job. Your lists are as close to video game canon as I think I could find.
Tron Knotts's Destructoid Blog
Great list, almost impossible to do a top ten list for such a genre. Golden Axe, Captain Commando, Punisher, Combatribes, Captain America and the Avengers, that Komomi one that I can't remember the name of, tons of Neo Geo games of the genre.

All awesome.


Copyright 2008 Agent Chieftain's Destructoid Blog
Streets of Rage on the Genesis is my fav, by far. Bad Dudes is still the most awesome, though.
Excremento's Destructoid Blog
Yeah, I might have to change it to a top twenty, I get tired of having to exclude games!

@Hoygeit

I never played Shadow over Mystara in the arcades, though I did import the double disc version for my modded Saturn! Awesome stuff there!

@AngelsDontBurn

The Punisher didn't make my cut, though it is in my notes right here in front of me, the same goes with Golden Axe, Knights of the Round, Captain Commando, POW, Sengoku, Willow, and many many others. Damn I hate having to exclude things!
Tron Knotts's Destructoid Blog
oops at Komomi.

Actually, that's not such a bad name. Maybe I'll name my next cat Komomi.
Hoygeit's Destructoid Blog
I don't know how anyone else feels about the game, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention Battle Circuit (thank you Gametap) as a potential top 20 candidate. That game was ridiculous.



brosef's Destructoid Blog
awesome list. every time I read one I said "he better have...Holy Schnikeys he does!!! Simpsons, check. Final Fight, check. TMNT, check. X-men, double check (I think I paid some X-men developer's salary using my quarters alone).

Golden Axe is missing, but otherwise

WIN
Excremento's Destructoid Blog
@Hoygeit

That one barely made the cut. The only reason is that I never played it anywhere but on my 'legally obtained' rom collection.
Hoygeit's Destructoid Blog
@Excremento
Haha, that's fair dude. It's seriously a great list and thank you for mentioning Karnov. I miss that fire breathing lug.

This makes me want to fire up some Beat 'Em Ups right now. :D

Tino's Destructoid Blog
Battle circuit is completely nuts. I remember spending a TON of time with this spiderman beat em up game. I know it had 4 playable characters if I'm not mistaken. Spiderman, Black cat, someone, and someone else.
Teta's Destructoid Blog
Your list mede me dowload the snes emulator to play battletoads.
Wish i knew how to make those mame emulators so i could play the Dungeons and Dragons game, but i am a complete noob.

I really enjoyed the D&D game on the arcade place i use to go.

One game that would have made it to the list if it was written by me would be: Die Hard Arcade.
Tino's Destructoid Blog
Sorry, Spiderman, Black Cat, Namor (WTF), and Hawkeye.
Excremento's Destructoid Blog
@TheMartino

Namor, about at good as Aquaman in a fight if you ask me...damn seamen!!!

@Teta

Mame is actually pretty easy as long as you get good ROM files. The program is smarter than me I swear!
Lukich's Destructoid Blog
Maximum Carnage? I was too young to really remember how it compared, but I knowed I spent a LOT of time with it for the SNES
Lukich's Destructoid Blog
Oh yeah, and your lists are freakin awesome, btw
Excremento's Destructoid Blog
@Lukich

I don't think that came out in the arcades...hang on let me consult wikipedia...nope, I think that came out solely on consoles at the time. But they did release that Spiderman game that TheMartino spoke of.
Excremento's Destructoid Blog
@Everyone

Thanks for all the positive feedback, any suggestions on a top ten you'd want to see? I'm probably going to do a top ten PC game list but I'm not too current on software for the PC...probably just be all the Sierra Games...
kwaselow's Destructoid Blog
I'd like to suggest top 10 songs in NES games. Not entire scores, just the one song, like Crash Man theme from Mega Man 2, stuff like that.
Jakysan's Destructoid Blog
I loved the list. Awesome. As for your next top ten list, dude, just be creative!?
Excremento's Destructoid Blog
I'll throw something at y'all tomorrow outta left field.

@Kwaselow

What'd you think of the new graphics?
kwaselow's Destructoid Blog
if you mean the new number graphics... I love em.
Mxyzptlk's Destructoid Blog
Great stuff on here, and definitely worth a top 20!
SLiFE's Destructoid Blog
The graffix, did you tighten them up or something?
Tristero's Destructoid Blog
I don't know how you manage to continually kick out lists of such high quality. You're a good soul. Top 10 lists are like sweet candy to my brain.

Inclusion of The Simpsons arcade was a pre-requisite for you not getting flamed. Your other inclusions aren't too shabby either.
Outer Heaven's Destructoid Blog
My favorite arcade memory ever was playing X-Men in an Aladdin's Castle many moons ago. It was me (Wolverine), my brother (Cyclops, I think), and two other random guys, and it was just one of those times when you were fucking SERIOUS about beating the game all the way through. Laughter, pizza, and some seriously epic war against Magneto. Classic.

Great list, as usual. Your lists keep getting me nostalgic for games gone by...
Jordan Devore's Destructoid Blog
Only one I would've added is Captain Commando. Great list.


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