Hey robots, I'm Excremento, but you cool and old skool Dtoiders know that already, this is merely for the N00BS. I've been a videogamer for as long as I can remember. I have well over 27 years of video game experience that I rely on daily, and a near encyclopedic memory of gaming starting with the Commodore 64 and ending with whatever is the current hotness.
I've got my own blog at MediaWhoreNetwork that I try to write on when I'm not too busy...and just recently have decided to come back to do a few Community Blogs here on Dtoid now that most failbloggers don't exist anymore. I'm still here fellas (and ladies) updating as often as I can for all of your enjoyment.
Any of you out there who wish to chat it up with ol Ex can do so at:
There are games, and then there are GAMES, but there will always be a little something in any game you play that is just absolutely tedious or just for lack of a better word, frustrating. Numerous controllers have been smashed in anger, siblings have been slapped, cuss words have been uttered, televisions nearly smashed all thanks to frustration (the game developers' final Nelson-like "Ha-Ha").
Tonight the list is my Top 10 Most Frustrating Moments In Gaming. Catch you at the end.
Honorable mentions: Fighting Chainsaw Guy -- Resident Evil 4 Jackals With Sniper Rifles on Legendary -- Halo Series Finding the Boss of the 7th Dungeon -- The Legend of Zelda The Glass Bubble Stage -- Earthworm Jim Respawning enemies knocking you off cliffs -- Ninja Gaiden Medusa heads knocking you off cliffs -- Castlevania Series Fighting all the bosses over again and then taking on Fire Leo -- Viewtiful Joe Losing all your weapons when you die in the later levels -- Gradius Series Story Mode -- F-Zero GX When you fuck up a drop and leave an oddly shaped empty space -- Tetris Getting all the Tribals -- Jet Force Gemini Yellow Devil -- Mega Man Disappearing blocks -- Mega Man Series
Zodiac Puzzle -- Silent Hill
Silent Hill was probably the most scary game experience that I had ever experienced, ever. When playing this game, I actually had to have a friend come over and sit in front of the TV with me so I wouldn't be so freaked out. I can't remember too clearly but I think the Zodiac Puzzle was in the Hospital level of the game, and had me stumped for almost a whole fucking week. I didn't know how to solve the damn thing and without thinking of the internet as a means to solving the puzzle, I spent a good day or two looking up zodiac information in encyclopedias, dictionaries, and even in history books I had around the house. Who would have known that the answer to the question was asking about how many feet the symbol had...Damn I felt so stupid for not seeing that one.
Lulu's Ultimate Weapon -- Final Fantasy X
To obtain Lulu's ultimate weapon, you have to avoid 200 (OMG!) lightning strikes in a row on the Thunder Plains. Sure it's doable, but fuck is it tedious! Not only that, but Lulu was an ancillary character! Plus if you get an enemy encounter, it'll fuck up your timing. Really hard, and really unnecessary Square, BOO!
Jason Attacks! -- Friday the 13th
Friday the 13th was a pretty scary game for me as a kid, though nowadays I can look at it and laugh. Though it was creepy as hell for Jason to just "Pop-up" when you're going through a cabin looking for weapon upgrades. He's also rediculously easy to kill once you get the pitchfork. Getting attacked by Jason is really what this game was all about, but if you were playing a counselor and were on the lake and Jaosn popped up, you were fucked! So damn annoying!!!
Water Temple -- The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Doing my research for the Top 10 for tonight I found someone who abhored this dungeon, I thought his comments were absolutely wicked, and he says everything that I could hope to say and more. His blog can be found here.
And I quote "Grab your iron boots, because the added weight will help end the madness quicker when you step off the chair with the noose around your neck. The Water Temple in the Ocarina of Time might be the single most aggravating temple/castle/fortress you will ever fight through in all of the Zelda series. First of all, there are three distinct water levels you will need to switch back and forth with to get through. You better have got the Iron Boots before entering or you may as well just reset to save the backtracking time. By the time you fully acquaint yourself with the water level dynamics itís mini-boss time. Dark Link, hells yeah. But heís really not that dark, and really not that hard, at all, really. You fight him on a frozen lake where he mirrors every action you take. Solution? Walk to the little patch of grass in the middle of the room (because thatís where you really are anyways), equip your two-handed hammer, and club Dark Link like a baby seal. After all that, and a few more small puzzles, Link rewards himself with the big treasure chestÖthe longshot! A freaking longshot? Thatís exactly what you have of enjoying this rat bastard of a temple, ironically enough. Letís review. Change the water level multiple times (donít eff it up, either, youíll pay the price), hit your dark half with a two ton hammer a couple times, then grab the longshot. Not an ice arrow, or a magic wand, or anything else cool for that matter. A fucking upgrade to the hookshot. You know what they should have called it? The longshit. Because thatís what you just took if you played the Water Temple."
Electric Seaweed -- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
TMNT for the NES is one of the more difficult games that I have in my collection and can recall with great fondness how awesome it was to play as a kid. At the same time I can recall how utterly horrible the second stage of this game was. I'll get you the premise: You, the turtles, must find the explosives that Shredder and his vile foot clan have placed on the dam. When the level starts, you are timed and must find all the explosives and all the while avoid all of the traps in the water, such as the electric seaweed, which was near impossible to pass.
Last Stage -- Driver
Driver was a lot of fun and I enjoyed the game thoroughly, it was the precursor to the GTAIII car physics engine and could be annoying as fuck to pass a level without totally destroying your car. Once that little damage meter fills up, game over. The last stage involves you driving the president away and from the moment the stage begins, people are after you, there are numerous black sedans that want you dead, and for a good 2-3 hours, they succeeded in making it that way, wait, I don't recall if I've ever beat this game...
Jet Board Race -- Conker's Bad Fur Day
It doesn't matter how many lives you have with you at the beginning of this level. Sure you just got done bombing the cavemen's home and shrine causing it to fill with lava. Now you get all of your money stolen by some prehistoric pricks and have to race and club them all to get it back. The racing wouldn't be so bad if the collision detection was all there and if you didn't have to weave inbetween the legs of a wandering dinosaur as well. I played this today and it took 23 attempts to finally finish it. Conker was a great game, but it definately had its faults and this is one of them.
Mike Tyson -- Punchout!!!
Straight up...FUCK MIKE TYSON! There's nothing worse then getting through all of the regular matches only to have to fight the biting and raping man boy sounding tattoo faced bastard. Sure he was a hell of a boxer, but not nearly as good as they made him in this game.
Speeder Bikes/Turbo Tunnel -- Battletoads
Many thanks to Chad Concelmo for his "The Memory Card" series, especially for this one, which does a much better job of explaining how God Damned frustrating this level was. I'm serious, unless you've played Battletoads for yourself and can comment first hand on how tough this level was, I don't want to hear it. Sure, after a long time of practicing and putting numerous bite marks on my controller, I beat this level. From then on, I used warp zones...
Hooooooooly crap, this game is hard. Not like Contra with one life hard, but like you get 3 lives and that's it. You get a few more when you reach a certain amount of points, but each life you start with has a 3 minute shelf life. If you haven't finished the level in 3 minutes, you die, no ifs, no ands, no buts. Worse off, when you do die, you restart at the beginning of the level, or the halfway point if you were lucky enough to get there before you die. Truly one of the hardest games I have ever had the misfortune of playing. In fact, if you reach the last boss's stage and this is your first time there, you get whisked back to the beginning of stage one with a higher difficulty! Only when you get to him a second time can you beat him. Its hella fun, but so damned hard!
The Millions of Zubats in Mt. Moon -- Pokemon
Damnit Nintendo, how many Zubats do I have to battle in this godforsaken level? Sometimes you get a Geodude to fight, but most the time, its a damned Zubat...Random battles are one thing, but when you can predict what enemy will pop up, that's when you've played too much. This was the only time I actually considered throwing my Gameboy across the room, the ONLY TIME!!!
Well, that wraps up another edition of A Weird Kid's Top 10. I hope you all enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed putting tonight's list together. As always, let me know if you have a particular top 10 that you'd like to see, and I'd be happy to oblige. Thanks for reading!!!