Hey robots, I'm Excremento, but you cool and old skool Dtoiders know that already, this is merely for the N00BS. I've been a videogamer for as long as I can remember. I have well over 27 years of video game experience that I rely on daily, and a near encyclopedic memory of gaming starting with the Commodore 64 and ending with whatever is the current hotness.
I've got my own blog at MediaWhoreNetwork that I try to write on when I'm not too busy...and just recently have decided to come back to do a few Community Blogs here on Dtoid now that most failbloggers don't exist anymore. I'm still here fellas (and ladies) updating as often as I can for all of your enjoyment.
Any of you out there who wish to chat it up with ol Ex can do so at:
As many of you know, I am to be married really soon (21 days in fact). I enjoy spending time with my soon-to-be wife more than any time I spend in video game land, and yes, I love her more than I love Destructoid (blasphemy right?).
She accepts me playing games which is something I have to give her mad props for yo; not many ladies are willing to share their man with the whore that is video games. I have played a ton of games over the course of my life and I know that I'll be a great dad (or a bad one because I know the game rating system in and out) because I still am a kid inside. Unlike many of the married couples I know, we have something different, we take interest in each other's hobbies, no matter what it is.
I've got my fiance addicted to a few games recently, but I wish that she would play some others. I know that I could get her addicted to gaming if I could only convince her to play a few others. There would be nothing better to me than gaming with the woman I love its a win-win situation, unless she played all the time...then I'd never get a chance to play myself! Tonight's list is the Top 10 Games I Wish She'd Play With Me. Enjoy!
I know that it is a complete pipe dream to think that she'll ever want to play Halo with me. First, it is a complete guy game (though I do know women play it). Second, the controls would take some serious getting used to for her. I think of the amount of time it took for me to get used to FPS controls on the N64 compared to the complex controls we have nowadays and I feel sorry for her.
How fucking awesome would it be to play co-op together? Very I say, very! We could go online and play 2 on 2 matches together and totally kick ass because we know each other so well, man it'd be cool. I think of her teabagging (inside joke placement here >_>) all the people and it makes me laugh out loud, seriously LOL.
Final Fantasy X
The Final Fantasy series is usually catnip for the gamer-lady of America. To my fiance it is a game that she has no idea of. I know that reading tons of text in games isn't something she'll exactly enjoy, I can't help but think that the stunning visuals and decent voice acting in this game would draw her in.
I know that playing the game wouldn't be a problem, for the most part its pushing one button when doing the battles, you rarely have to read text, and the story is completely mushy. I'll admit that I teared up at a couple moments in the game, and think that it would be an awesome experience for her to have the chance to do the same.
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
Probably the pinnacle of 2D sprite based Zelda games. This little game gives and gives and gives, and just when you think its over, you have like 10 more dungeons to finish! I loved how this game really gave you a chance to get used to the controls and had a great learning curve. I think if I could've handled this game at 12 she should be able to do the same for her age, if not twice as good +1 (wink wink).
The story of the game is awesome, its pretty and bright, and hella fun to play. Nothing would make me happier than to get off of work and come home to see her playing this cartridge in my 15 year old SNES. That would be totally wicked.
Marvel VS. Capcom 2: New Age of Heroes
I know many a gamer who can't hold their own in a fighting game, I'm not one of those folk. I play fighting games with the tenacity of a 15 year old kid fapping to a stolen Playboy magazine. I would love for her to be able to kick my ass at this game, I really do.
I want it to be an honest match where she gives it her all and I do the same not one of those matches where you pull your punches and let the other person beat you. I'd want her to pick the biggest spammers in the game Cable, Gambit, and Iron Man and projectile me to death. Is that wierd, that I'd find that hot?
There is only one reason that I can think of that would make her not like this game so much, all of the text. If it weren't for that I honestly think I could convince her to play this game while I watched. She could start the game with a New Game + so the difficulty would be slashed to bits (I beat the game multiple times back in the day).
Not only was the game fun to play, the story was SOLID! Sure the battles would probably drag her interest down a bit, I'd use that to my advantage and get her ready for the next SNES RPG that I'd love her to play, only this time, I could play too!
Secret of Mana
It is my favorite game of all time. I can't say much else about it that I haven't said before. I would love to spend day after day with her in this game with me by her side playing the support characters through the entire game. I could seriously die a happy man if she told me she loved this game, no kidding man.
I don't think that I'd have to show her how to use the controls, how difficult can a SNES game's control scheme be really? I would just have the best time experiencing a game that I've beaten in-numerable times reflected in the eyes of someone who has never had the chance to play it.
Many people argue that SSX Tricky is a superior SSX game, and to you all I say, bollocks. SSX 3 is by far the coolest SSX game in the whole damn series. Playing any snowboarding game with 2 player is always fun, but there's something special about this game in multiplayer. Maybe the fact that you can do trick runs or speed runs, the strategy required to win is quite simple. Hold jump, hold a direction, hit that jump and release the jump button and fuck around with the shoulder buttons. Not that hard really...
I've been a fan of this series since it came out on the PS2's launch date. I would love the squeals and controller wiggling that would come out of my fiance trying to steer her avatar like the controller it's a SixaxiS (come on people, you know what I'm talking about).
Silent Hill 2
Scary Movies + Date = Good, so therefore, Scary Video Game + Date = constant gripping right? I know that I had a hard enough time with this game myself. I couldn't imagine playing this with my fiance. I honestly worry that it would actually disturb her. Shit, the first time I saw Pyramid Head doing SOMETHING to one of the mannequins in the hotel room, I had shallow breathing and a panicked heartbeat.
She went to the movie with me so maybe it would be a short little stretch to have her play the game...or maybe I'd have to do the playing and have her watch, that would probably get boring though. Nah, it would be more fun to have her say "Ok, that's it, I can't take this game anymore!"
Guitar Hero III
I've got a plan, a devious plan. I've got her playing Rock Band right now doing just the vocals. I'm hoping to convince her that she can in fact have more fun when she uses an instrument and teach her how to use the guitar. I've got my dad beating every song he comes across on medium mode in both GH2 and GH3. I now have to turn my sights onto her. I can do it!
I don't think it'd be hard really I love playing games like this with friends, and how awesome I think it would be to have my girl totally thrash me at songs like "One". I just have to train her on using the guitar, maybe I should throw a GH party and let peer pressure take its course...yeah that'd work!
The Jak & Daxter Trilogy
For the first game of the series, I think all I'd have to do is just convince her that it's really exactly like a "Mario game". By the time she'll finish up with the first one, she'd be hopefully frothing at the mouth for the next two games in the series, I hope. Seriously, I loved all three of these games, the graphics were great and the gameplay was solid for a platformer.
The controls though...I dunno, you have the simple enough platformer controls, but the dual stick usage migh be a little sticky. I hope that she'd give these a try if I asked her to, but I might just have to wait on that, she at least plays Animal Crossing on my DS and sends me letters, what more could a man ask for really?
I'm only kidding about this one. I love Battletoads something fierce, and most of you already know that. I can remember playing this with a whole bunch of friends in my younger days. I also recall how much of a fucking pain in the ass this game is to beat, especially when its just one player, when you add the second player it's damn near impossible to beat.
I have a bad feeling that if I did somehow convince her to play a game where you have anthropomorphic toads beating up on things and riding speeder bikes, it would be the end of my relationship. I think that the speeder bike level is so bad that she would divorce me and demand my testicles in her civil suit against me. Hardcore man, really hardcore game, but not worth it.
That does it for another edition of A Weird Kid's Top 10. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together. As always, let me know if you have a particular top 10 that you'd like to see, and I'd be happy to oblige. And for all of you that have submitted ideas, I promise I'll eventually get around to yours. Thanks for reading!!!