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4:59 PM on 12.07.2012  

Did you know you can walk into any large store and find an abundance of Wii U?

I've been out shopping a lot lately and have made repeat visits to many of the same stores on different days of the week. Lots of different deals on different days at different places. But you want to know one thing that's constant at ALL of them?

They all have Wii-U consoles in stock. Like, tons of them. And not just the Basic White model, but lots of Black Deluxe models too. Best Buy, Target, Wal-Mart, Toys R US. They all have them in stock.

Now, you might say, well, sure, but that's in YOUR area or YOUR town. But the friendly workers at my local Toys R Us inform me that they are in the top 15 stores in the country in terms of revenue and profit. Think about that for a second. That means there are only 14 other Toys R Us stores that do better business in the entire country. So it's quite a large store with a lot of customers. The store is packed all the time. Packed with customers and packed with Wii U consoles to sell to those that want them. Except nobody wants them.

They told me they didn't even run out of them on Black Friday, but they ran out of Xbox 360 consoles by the end of the weekend. What?

Every time I go to Toys R US I see the same stack of consoles. They tell me it started at around 60 of them and now it's down to around 30. In a week. A FUCKING WEEK!

I witnessed a store worker trying to sell a Wii U to a middle aged woman for her kids. She asked if the tablet was a good as an iPad. He said no. Then she asked "Is it better than the Xbox with the no controller thing" and he said yes, to which she replied "But it has a controller. How can it be better?". I wanted to kill myself at the time, but thinking back I'm not so sure she's totally in the wrong. How can they ask her to spend so much money when for just a bit more she can get an iPad and for less she can get an Xbox 360? The games look the same in terms of what the naked eye can see. The touch screen isn't as good as a real tablet.

Where exactly is the value in this product? What does it have the other consoles don't? If you want to be blunt it's really just a combo of the Wii, the DS, and an Xbox. And it has Nintendo games. But parents don't care about that. They only care about getting the hottest shit out for their kids, and sadly it seems that the Wii U isn't the hottest thing right now.

Anyway, I just felt like sharing that with you. I still bought a Wii-U for my kids and we'll be playing the shit out of it come Christmas Day and beyond, but it is a bit worrying to see the console get off to such a rough start. I really hope that word of mouth from people who own one is strong enough to get things going, because Nintendo really can't afford to have this thing flop. I don't want to see them fail. Even though I don't play their games as much as I used to, I would never want to live in a world where they don't exist or aren't important anymore.

Hopefully things improve. Sorry for the incoherent babble. Just felt like letting my thoughts out. See you around, Dtoid.   read


4:16 PM on 10.13.2012  

Resident Evil 6 sells a lot, ensures Resident Evil games will continue to suck



According to the American Weekly Chart over at vgchartz.com, Capcom's Resident Evil 6 has managed to move over 800,000 copies in the grand old USA in just one week on the shelves. Look closer and you'll notice that it's sold considerably more than that worldwide. It's gone past 2 million sales globally in a week. I'm going to assume you're asking why you should give a shit and wondering why I'm posting a news story. Or you read the title and you know what the fuck is going down. The point is that you should care about how successful this game is. The amount of copies sold tells Capcom whether or not they should continue down the path they've taken with the series.



Clearly they should keep doing what they're doing. Low Metacritic and GameRanking numbers didn't stop gamers from picking this piece of human fecal matter up at GameStop and elsewhere. I was hoping that the demo and the reviews might scare people away, but apparently the idea of crashing a burning plane into a large city in China and surviving and then meeting a woman who you saved as a child way back in America years ago on your first day on the job which happened to also have zombies and then fighting a monster with her is perfectly feasible and in fact desirable to many people. Also, does Agent Hunnigan ever change her fucking clothes?

Anyway, in the end all I can really do is express my disappointment with you guys. I have no control over the minds and wallets of other people and therefore can only do my best to warn other people against spending their money on what amounts the video game equivalent of The Expendables with zombies and monsters. Yes, it sucks that bad.



Hopefully Capcom will at least continue to give us good portable Resident Evil games in the future. Or perhaps a lot of people who spent their money on this game will be unhappy with their purchase and not buy the next turd sandwich Crapcom craps out of their dirty vagina. One can only hope for a total series reboot that gets back to basics, minus those old camera angles. Just give me RE4 with different characters and settings. Give me a video game, not a deadly serious buddy cop/soldier movie with 3 sets of buddies that sucks cock.

Sometimes people really suck dick. I'm ashamed to be on of those 2 million people this past week who partook in that activity when we bought this abortion of a game.   read


1:32 PM on 10.08.2012  

I don't think I'm going to finish Resident Evil 6. It sucks.



I'm almost at a loss for words here. I'm truthfully struggling to put my feelings on the computer screen right now. I just don't know where to begin. I haven't even fully identified what went wrong. I've got my ideas but nothing can really explain what I've been through these past few days. I can honestly say that I am shocked. Shocked that Capcom could actually manage to fuck up a core Resident Evil game so badly. Shocked that Capcom has released two shitty Resident Evil games in one year. Shocked that I am fighting scorpion-people with guns alongside 5 other BSAA agents. Seriously. Like 5 other dudes.



I am shocked that I just probably killed a few hundred people when I crash-landed a large airplane in the middle of China. Shocked that nobody seemed to notice, not even the two primary protagonists that I just so happened to run into right after crashing a fucking airplane in the middle of China. Shocked that Leon and his uninteresting partner never turn into zombies from "Zombie gas" while everyone around them does. Shocked that I am kung-fu fighting the shit out of zombies to both save and gain ammo. Shocked that I am getting close to running out of ammo in a game where all you do is kill things non-fucking stop.



I am shocked that I am supposed to be scared because it's dark but instead I am just frustrated at not being able to see a fucking thing. I am shocked that the camera sucks so bad when all it needs to do is stay behind you. Shocked that they made turning around so much like other games, which makes that sucky camera so sucky. Shocked that I can move and shoot and it feels clunkier than ever. Shocked that when I try to walk backwards while shooting I constantly land on my back like a whore. Shocked that the developers of this game expect me to take their corny story seriously. Shocked at just how much this game really does feel like a Micheal Bay movie. Shocked that Jim Sterling was totally right.



And after Resident Evil 4 and it's amazing boss fights and it's sequel's fun co-op boss fights, I'm fucking shocked that the boss fights in this game suck so fucking hard.

I should have played that fucking demo first and spared myself this misery.   read


9:46 AM on 09.19.2012  

I am excited and depressed. I've pre-ordered my Wii U.



Excited about finally getting to play Nintendo games in HD. Depressed about paying $350 for a tablet with no mutli-touch and Xbox 360 graphics. Excited to have the opportunity to play Zombie U. Depressed because it's only ONE game in a sea of mediocrity and Nintendo games.

I could go on like this forever. I really could. But out of respect for you guys (and because listing my thoughts in a list is totally fucking boring) I have decided write out my thoughts in a blog.

Nothing I've seen over the past few days has blown my mind. Bayonetta 2 is really awesome, but I've never done more than play the demo for the original. So that's not really doing much for me. I suppose I could say I'm glad to see Nintendo trying to appeal to the core gamer by courting third-party developers and publishers, but I don't see that being the case here. This is just Nintendo publishing a 3rd party game and getting all the rights and money associated with it in the end. They haven't done shit to garner third party support as far as I can tell. Just made partnerships with the usual companies.

On the other hand, I am extremely excited to play New Super Mario Bros U. HD graphics have really allowed the artwork to come to life in a way that clearly was not possible before. The environments alone have me frothing at the mouth and yanking at my penis. Same goes for the ability to play as "Product Packaging Mario" or "Magazine Cover Mario", which is my name for this new HD Mario that finally looks exactly like the Mario on the game boxes, the toys, the other assorted merchandise and junk . This Mario is not jagged and blurry, but smooth and beautiful. I'm creaming myself in anticipation.



Magazine Cover Mario


At the same time, this feels like a missed opportunity to really show off what Mario can really look like. When he's in three dimensions. In a 3D platforming game. My guess is that Nintendo simply doesn't have the game ready and up to their standards. There's also the fact that 2D Mario games sell a hell of a lot better than 3D Mario games. Or they're just being Nintendo. Probably thinking that coverage of games that are a year or more off would cannibalize coverage of their launch titles and all that jazz. They're probably right. I wasn't expecting anything really new today so I probably should be happy with stuff like Bayonetta 2, but I still feel like Nintendo should have shown us something more.

On the other end of the spectrum, I am intrigued by the possibilities for "asynchronous gameplay". I always like the idea of multiplayer games that feature people doing completely different things, but I love the idea of having someone use a completely different input method to perform their particular task. You see this executed in the Nintendo Land games though not really anywhere else that I've noticed. I'd like to see these concepts explored further and in more developed scenarios (meaning I like pretty things). I just want to do something fucking new! Motion control was such a disappointment in the end for me. It was mostly just a gimmick with the same old problems and a whole host of potential new ones. It had and still has potential but it's mostly wasted on garbage fucking mini-game collections. The best Wii games were old Nintendo franchises with a few new tricks (Super Mario Galaxy, Skyward Sword). Any attempt at going completely motion control in a "mature" (again, whatever that means) game usually failed miserably. So I like the idea of combining both motion control concepts with the touchscreen and buttons of the controller. Certainly the console is versatile when it comes to different styles of play. That's something I value a lot.

The most disappointing aspect of all, and the last thing I'll be sad about for today, is the price. I was really hoping for $250 with Nintendo Land packed in. Clearly that's not happening anytime soon unless Nintendo totally fucks this up and needs to cut the price. But after seeing what's offered at what price, I still feel like I'm paying a bit too much. The $350 model is clearly the better package considering it comes with a game Nintendo is raping people for and extra memory and cradles and shit. But it still seems a bit steep for console that seems about equal (and sometimes even less than equal) with an Xbox 360 or a PS3 in terms of graphical power. I'm curious as to how good the screen is on the GamePad in terms of resolution and brightness. Knowing that it's not mutli-touch is already disappointing but it's not the end of the world. What else is in this "tablet" that they're charging me this much money? Is the screen HD? It would seem pointless to finally have HD graphics and then not use them on the second screen. Is there a processor? Does it all matter?

Probably not. But that's why I have you people. I can talk about this nonsense with you and you might take me seriously for a minute. My wife would not. My father would not. My son might but he would get bored.

Anyway, that's enough for today. Been nice talking with you.   read


2:16 PM on 08.29.2012  

Examining why I don't play video games much anymore AKA Getting Deep on Your A**



As I recently mentioned (in one of my previous blog posts) I don't play video games a whole lot anymore. There are a whole host of reasons for this, including but not limited to:

Having a 3rd child

Getting into other things

Spending more time with and inside of my nagging wife

This list could go on forever but I thought I'd be kind and spare you the gruesome details of my everyday life. Instead I thought I'd focus on some of the problems I have with games themselves that have kept me from playing them as much as I used to. Keep in mind that these are my opinions and not yours so there's no need to kick me in the nuts just for sharing this with you.

One of my biggest problems, and the one I took the longest to really identify, is what seems like a stagnant gaming industry. I see the same shit over and over. I am amazed by the sheer amount of sequels and remakes I see. You see, I've never been one to tire of playing something great over and over again. I've enjoyed dozens of sequels, remakes, and continuations of gaming series over the years and probably will still enjoy many more in the coming years. But for some reason I find myself tired of the same old shit. I started playing Uncharted 3, which I've had since literally the day it came out, and I get bored in 5 minutes. I don't really understand why. My wife and I enjoyed playing Halo: Reach and then Gears of War 3 for a long time, but suddenly we don't play either of them nor anything else (save for her and WoW) and I don't find myself giving a rat's ass about it. I'm content to spend my free time reading comics and checking the gaming news for anything exciting.

I don't know when this will change. I'm hoping that the next generation of consoles will light a fire under developer's asses and allow them to show me some awesome shit. But I don't expect that to happen nor do I really care if it does. I'll always play games. I've gone through periods where it wasn't my number 1 entertainment option before. Then Xbox 360 and PS3 came out and got me into it again. Perhaps I'm shallow and am not impressed by how similar all the games look nowadays. No matter how hard developers try, it seems we've clearly reached the limits of visual quality on these consoles. I remember feeling that way about the Xbox, PS2 and GameCube. Two of the only games I played for a few years back then were Resident Evil 4 and God of War, two of the best looking games of the time. Again, maybe I am shallow.

I did finish Batman:Arkham City around the same time I got my copy of Uncharted 3. That game was fucking awesome, although it couldn't match or surpass it's predecessor, which was nearly perfect in my eyes. But AC is a Batman game, and I fucking love Batman. I love Uncharted too, but to be honest Nathan Drake isn't enough to get me through another 10 hours of shooting, taking cover, climbing, and then shooting some more. It just gets old. At least Batman tried to keep giving you new things to do in both of his games. In games like Uncharted it's just another variation on things you've probably seen in the movies. I do plan on playing and completing Uncharted 3 one day, but I don't know when that day will be.



Still, there is hope yet for me. I am surprised to find myself playing my son's copy of New Super Mario Bros 2. It's definitely the easiest Super Mario game I've ever played, with the main game being a total breeze. The special worlds I've visited are a bit more challenging but nothing an old fart like myself can't handle after all these years spent playing Mario games. Mario remains fun after all these years. I'm excited to get my kids a Wii U for Christmas and hopefully achieve my (shallow) dream of playing a Zelda game with beautiful HD graphics sometime in the next year or two. We'll see how it all goes. Hopefully the console won't find itself dead on arrival like I fear it may.

Well, that's enough soul searching for one day. In a few days I'll attempt to write something else. If I can get my wife to stop trying to have sex with me for long enough. She's so desperate it's not even funny. Just annoying.

So much for getting deep. See you soon if I can.   read


8:59 AM on 08.27.2012  

[NVGR] Comic Book Review: Batman Earth One

Yes, a comic review. I decided that my not playing games much anymore makes it a bit difficult for me to blog about playing games. This is only temporary. I'm going to attempt to play something on my Xbox 360 tonight and will try to report back on how it went and all that jazz. Maybe I'll even get deep on you fuckers and blow your minds with some philosophical bullshit about growing older and other "mature" and "serious" topics. Totally going to do that.

Anyway, onto the Comic Book Review bitches!



Batman: Earth One

Written By: Geoff Johns

Pencils by: Gary Frank

I'm not a big fan of Geoff Johns. That's probably more to do with my personal tastes than his creative talents. For starters, I don't like continuing series and Johns is definitely more involved in that side of comic books than graphic novels and the like. Most ongoing stories start off great but soon become convoluted and begin to feel forced or silly. At that point the bigger publishers decide to start crossing over with other comics. At that point, everything goes to shit.

So I was definitely curious when I found out Johns was writing a Batman graphic novel. Like lots of people, Batman is my favorite super hero. I'm not going to go into why I feel that way because that should be fucking obvious to anyone who has experienced a Batman film or comic book. Clearly he is totally awesome. And Johns is a favorite writer of a lot of people out there. Naturally expectations were high for this one. Did it deliver? Was it a $300 escort or my wife? Would it wholly satisfy me or merely get me through the night without me hurting someone?

On the whole, I would say the answer is a resounding yes. It features another new take on the classic Batman origin story. As usual Bruce Wayne's parents are killed and he vows revenge. The differences aren't too drastic with the exception of the use of Alfred, usually Bruce's loyal butler. All I'll say is that he is not a butler. It's a bit jarring to see what they've done to him in this version of the story and takes a little getting used to, but it works out in the end. Unlike my marriage. Just kidding! Or am I?



Beyond that, I'll say that this is Batman is a bit different than the one we usually see. His equipment is pretty shitty because he made it himself, although he gets some assistance in that department from a familiar face. This Batman also gets his ass kicked a few times throughout the book, being that he's just one man against many in most situations. In real life people usually get their ass whooped when it's 3 on 1 or worse. It's a nice change of pace compared to all of the ongoing Batman series out there right now. I wish I could say the same about my sex life. That definitely needs a change of pace.

As for the writing itself, the dialogue is snappy and interesting and the use of classic and new characters in interesting and different ways is a definite positive.

The artwork is done by a bunch of guys you can easily look up for yourself with Google power. As with the story, the art uses a somewhat realistic look but it's also very colorful at times. I thought it was a nice mix of old and new, which seems to be a running theme throughout this book.

I would definitely recommend you pick this fucker up if you're into Batman and looking for something high quality and recent. It's the second book in the Earth One line of graphic novels, the first being a lame ass Superman book. That one had better artwork than this one, but it's story was corny and way too Sci-Fi for my tastes. No, I don't care for that "Superman is an alien so that makes him Science Fiction" bullshit some people say. I like when things are a bit more grounded. Birthright was a good series although that too got a little out of hand with it's story. Strange that Batman: Earth One is so grounded in reality when you consider that it supposedly takes place in the same universe as Superman: Earth One, which had non-kryptonian aliens and a bunch of other forced ass bullshit.



I'm sure the inevitable crossover will suck balls.

Also, cocks.   read


2:26 PM on 08.26.2012  

Maybe it's just me

Confession: I barely play video games anymore. Although that hasn't stopped me from keeping current on the industry and all of it's happenings, I suppose that in the interest of so-called full disclosure I should share that information with you fine readers of my crude and disjointed blogs. I started watching TV a bit, although only one show (Game of Thrones). I've also gotten into comics over the last 3 or 4 years, spending more and more time with them over that span. And my wife and I watch more movies and spend more time together. At least when she's not playing World of Warcraft. I hate that fucking game. Besides that I just haven't been interested in a lot of the games that have come out this year. I'm excited for HD Nintendo games and just hope I'm able to nab a pre-order for the Wii-U. Maybe that will get me excited again.

I should have mentioned all that in my last blog, which I'm once again too lazy to link to. It was the one where that disgruntled community member bitched about the community and to an extent the website as a whole. I'm sure most of you saw it. A few have responded or reacted with a blog of their own. I'm now reacting, not responding, to those blogs.

Clearly I'm going to have to get over the fact that the old writers and community members are gone, probably forever in almost all cases. And clearly if I want to see Destructoid be successful, which I always wanted, I'm going to have to accept a few changes to the way things work. There's a certain way respectable publications act, and Destructoid seems to have sort of gone down that path. They're still more honest than most websites and they're clearly not letting anybody on the outside really influence them. I get it. All of it.

But that doesn't mean that my complaints are now completely invalid. From what I can tell from my daily visits the community does not seem as tight knit as it used to be, nor do I see as many regulars as I used to. I also see a hell of a lot more stupid comments than I used to. Of course I'm not as actively engaged as I used to be, so perhaps this is just me being really fucking negative in my perception of the website these days. At a glance I simply don't like what I see anymore. This place used to be filled with interesting stuff to read, regardless of the writing quality of a lot of it. People said crazy shit, they wrote in-depth stuff with a lot of depth, and they also had a lot of fucking fun.

That's all I really have to say about the community for now. I need to get to know the newer people more. That's obviously a failing of mine, not the community's or Dtoid's.

As for the website itself, my thoughts are unchanged. It's boring and I'm not a big fan of it anymore. There isn't much else to say without my getting mean and nasty and looking like a total cock-munch. Once again I'll try and blog more though there is no guarantee I actually will.   read


6:08 PM on 08.24.2012  

Is it just me or has the community abandoned this website?

I've been noticing a trend around here: There are fewer and fewer comments posted on the majority of articles posted on the front page with each passing week. At least it seems that way. I haven't bothered to get scientific and actually track this shit, but it sure as hell seems like nobody has anything to say around here anymore. Getting 20 comments seems like a miracle for most of the writers not named Jim Sterling. Even Holmes doesn't seem as popular.

Has anyone else noticed this? The staff? The readers? Is there a reason for it? Are the page hits and unique visitors down or up? Has the site become more and more popular at the expense of it's community?

I don't know the answers to those questions. I just know this site still sucks. I wrote a little rant a while back complaining about the lack of personality on this site. I got a lot of comments and was assured things would get better. Guess what? They haven't! Perhaps that explains it.

Or maybe nobody cares about Tony Ponce and all his corny videos and nonsense he posts (especially that fucking "video game rapper"). Or all the other writes who are so boring I can't remember their names. At least I remember Tony's name. He's a good writer who likes corny shit. At least he likes something.

I'm not going anywhere with this. I don't have the time. Just wanted to point out how terribly boring it's gotten around here. Also, I read IGN more than I read Destructoid now. FUCKING IGN. They're boring but they bring a lot more to the table these days than Dtoid does.

I used to love it here. Not anymore. Now I feel out of place when I visit.

That is all. Goodbye for now.   read


2:08 PM on 06.30.2012  

I support rape in Tomb Raider. You should too.



I don't have a lot of time at the moment so this blog is going to be short. I haven't done any real research either so shut the fuck up.

So apparently the bad guys in the newest Tomb Raider game rub Lara's (very nice) legs or something like that. While this would technically be sexual assault in most countries if the person being rubbed did not want to be rubbed, it's certainly not rape. That usually comes later.

And even if some bad guys do try to rape Lara, what's the problem? I mean, who knew bad people (criminals) who hurt, kill, and steal would also partake in a little rape from time to time? It's shocking, I know. It happens in movies and on TV shows and it happens a hell of a lot in many books. Don't like rape? Don't read A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones for those unfortunate enough to not enjoy that particular series). Or the Bible. Pretty sure there is plenty of rape there. Or how about The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo? Nobody is calling Lisbeth, the main character, a girly girl or a weakling, but that bitch got raped and abused pretty bad by some creepy fat guy. She took the rape and abuse and waited until the time was right to get her revenge. Apparently when you're all dark and goth you're considered resourceful and intelligent for getting raped and then getting revenge.

Lara, on the other hand, is apparently being objectified and used for male power fantasies. Thing is, unlike Lisbeth, Lara is taking guns and spears and killing her would-be rapists before they get the chance to do anything. And you can be sure that if she does suffer any rape the player will be given the opportunity to kill the fucker that did it.

So really all I'm saying is that the people who have a problem with this game are wrong, plain and simple. It's not all gray like Jim Sterling said in his article about it. Anybody doesn't like the idea of a woman getting raped in a game or movie or book has the choice to simply not play, watch, or read about it.

Of course that doesn't really explain why they're wrong. They're wrong because rape is real life. Women get raped every day. Men get stabbed or shot or poisoned when some women take revenge. People hurt people. Men hurt women. Women hurt men. People hurt people. And animals. And children.

And these things should never not be included in a video game, whether it's to shock and surprise or to genuinely serve some sort of purpose for a given story. Movies, TV, and books are left alone. Video games should be too. You're free to disagree but you're also wrong if you do. It's called freedom. It's always right.

P.S.

Feel free to use my choice of words and language (like referring to Lisbeth as a bitch) as the basis of your argument for why I'm a pig or something. That's what stupid people usually do. They find something unrelated to the issue at hand and wave it around like a retard with a balloon.   read


9:06 PM on 04.13.2012  

PS Vita: Worst gift ever?



Have you ever received an expensive gift and not known what to say to the giver of said gift? I bet you have, unless you're poor or something. Usually one experiences this feeling of speechlessness due to the genuine shock and surprise they feel. I felt this way the other day, except I wasn't shocked nor surprised. I was upset.

You see, I had just received a PS Vita from my wife. She went and spent 300 American Dollars on the 3G model with it's useless AT&T data plans so that I could download it's mostly useless games and other asscockery. When she handed it to me, I didn't know what to do. I wasn't excited or anything of the sort. I had a general feeling of "meh" inside me. So I pretended to like it. I'm still pretending to like it. But it has sort of grown on me. Shame it's seemingly dead in the water already.

That's probably the most disappointing part of this whole fiasco. After spending some time with the system and playing some games, I think it has enormous potential as a portable gaming device. Unfortunately somebody forgot to tell Sony that the world isn't interested in this type of thing anymore. Why spend 250 dollars on an easily breakable console with expensive games when you can spend a bit more and get yourself an Android tablet or iPad with a warranty and cheap-as-shit games?. Hell, why spend 250 dollars on this when you can get a 3DS for 170 and enjoy world-class Nintendo games on a durable piece of hardware?

Better yet:

WHY BUY ANYTHING THAT REQUIRES YOU TO USE EXPENSIVE PROPRIETARY MEMORY CARDS TO STORE EXPENSIVE AND PROHIBITIVELY LARGE GAMES?

Seriously what the fuck is Sony thinking here. Either include a large flash drive inside or support SD cards. A 32GB PSVita memory card costs 100 fucking dollars at normal retail price. Sure, you can find it for less, but not much. Sony just keeps doing stupid shit like this over and over again, seemingly never learning from any of their mistakes. They just keep fucking us over. Of course, you could just buy what seem like SD cards with the games on them. Yeah. Stick it in there.

Did I mention there are apparently NO games coming for this thing in the near future?

Yeah. It sucks.

But there are some bright spots. Uncharted is a fantastic piece of software. I am sure I will enjoy listening to Nolan North when I'm taking a shit on the toilet. I also really like this little downloadable title I got called Tales from Space: Mutant Blobs Attack. It only cost 8 dollars and is fully of charm and creativity yet is also very simple. Even my kids enjoyed it.

I'm sure there will be something else worthwhile for the system at some point. Perhaps an entry in one of my favorite series, God of War? I'd like a Resident Evil game as well but I won't hold my breath. Whatever they put out, it had better start coming soon. I'm not too enthralled with the current lineup. Shit needs to improve. You know there is a problem when you're not even too excited to get a product for free. Free!

It has a nice screen. Goodbye guys.   read


7:44 PM on 03.25.2012  

Disappointment: Discovering Resident Evil doesn't play nice with others



I was one of the true believers. What did I believe? That Resident Evil 5 would be just about the best thing ever. That being able to play with a friend was only going to enhance the experience. That Capcom would not let me down under any circumstances. That these fools who considered the very idea of multiplayer in Resident Evil to be some sort of affront to humanity were all going to be proven wrong.

Of course, who could really blame me for feeling that way? Capcom had previously delivered what I consider to be one of the greatest video games of all time in Resident Evil 4. That they had done this while making drastic changes to the series formula only served to fuel my confidence in my opinions even more. What's more, they even decided to combine this new method of frightening and tense action-oriented gameplay with fan favorite characters Chris Redfield and Wesker. The graphics were beautiful. The story was going back to the beginning in a sense. Everything seemed to be going perfectly.

Then the game came out. I spent all weekend trying to find a store that was breaking the street date but was unsuccessful until about 6 hours before the game's scheduled midnight release. I got the game, went to a friends house, and we proceeded to play the game for 13 hours straight. We finished it in one sitting. When I was done, I felt extremely satisfied, like I had just slept with a supermodel after killing some Nazis. You know, routine stuff. Then I went back and played the game by myself.



Never mind that the game is absolutely awful to play with a CPU controlled partner. What really stood out was that I never felt tense or nervous like I did while playing Resident Evil 4. Slowly I began to realize that I never felt that way while playing with my friend either. Lost in all of the explosions, gunshots, and healing Sheva by touching her breasts was that feeling of tension that the Los Illuminados used to fill me with. That jumpy, What-the-shit spanish people are suffocating me feeling was gone, replaced by the knowledge that either my friend or some African chick were going to be there to back me up and even work together with me to progress. After all, the idea of cooperation was suggested throughout the game even if it was only ever a bullshit excuse to enable co-op. You were meant to feel like you have a pal to back you up.

One example of this is an early encounter with a chainsaw wielding maniac. The game finds a way to separate both players, which theoretically should be a bit more tense than when you're standing side by side. But it doesn't, because the game gives one player the opportunity to take a few wide open shots at the incoming zombies from a nice flanking point. I didn't realize it at the time, but this is when I should have started asking angry questions like "What the fuck is this? Gears of War:The African Front?" followed by another "What the fuck". As I said before, this wasn't the case at first.



No, Resident Evil 5 is a cruel god. It quickly reveals it's deception which then slowly turns to disappointment over time. Not just another game to me, I was in fact ready to take it's big, black zombie penis straight inside me for all eternity. This was like finding out that the sexiest, sweetest and most beautiful man who wants to have anal sex with you has a diamond encrusted Prince Albert ready to rip you to shreds as soon as you bend over for him. Which, of course, is exactly what I did. I ranted about how awesome the game was to anybody who would listen for the first couple of months. I feel like an idiot sometimes when I think about how obsessed I was with the game.

Beyond destroying the strongest component of Resident Evil 4's gameplay, Resident Evil 5's insistence on 2 people killing Africans as a duo also invaded the game's story. For some reason I can't get over the fact that Wesker was killed by Chris Redfield and some new girl. Why couldn't it at least be somebody with a real history within the series? Instead we got some sexy ass bitch with a made-up back story about Umbrella fucking her village over. That gives her common ground with other main characters but does nothing to make her stand out from the pack. I just didn't care for her.

This is not to say the game is bad. It's certainly a fun romp with a friend and it does continue the series story and brings things somewhat full circle. It has incredible action set pieces and shooting black people in the face is always a good time (at least if you're a cop) . But it's not what I expected nor what I wanted. Only what I thought I wanted. It wasn't made for me. It was made for Call of Duty fans. That's fine. I've accepted that. Just make the next game for people like me.



As I look forward to playing Resident Evil 6, I can't help but worry about what Capcom is working on. 600 different people have worked on this game? Something tells me they don't all work in the same building and if that's the case I suspect there are different people working on different portions of the game. A fractured development for a numbered entry isn't what this series needs. Hopefully things will turn out better this time. Only time will tell whether or not Resident Evil has truly been lost to the corporate machine that Capcom seems to be slowly turning into.

Hopefully they won't disappoint me this time.   read


1:23 PM on 03.17.2012  

I can't believe I've been coming here for like 5 years: Happy Birthday, Dtoid.

I have to admit that I find it strange to be here, typing up an impromptu blog post while hanging with my kids. After all, it's been a long time since I last did this sort of thing on a regular basis. I used to share my bi-polar opinions with the Destructoid masses on an almost daily basis at one point. I had my (abnormally large) fair share of failures at the beginning. Epic Fails, as we used to say around here before it was cool and overdone. And I never felt like I truly got any respect from the Destructoid staff or community, but that's largely my own fault and that's not really something that I'm worried about. Besides a short period of time at the beginning of my Destructoid life, I haven't done this to get attention or be to be liked by anybody. Read my past blogs and you'll see that. I only ever wanted to talk about some fucking video games and share my totally correct opinions with a bunch of like-minded assholes . If I can make you laugh at the absurdity of the things I type or the ridiculously strong nature of some of my opinions on certain topics, more power to my bad self. I just enjoy writing shit about video games.

For the past few years, Destructoid has allowed me to do just fucking that. No matter what time of day it is, you can write a blog and there is a chance you'll get some sort of response from somebody, provided you either write a good post or act like an asshole. Hell, even if you write a crappy post, chances are somebody will offer you some advice on how to do it better, or at least somebody will tell you you're doing it wrong. That's how it used to be. I don't know if it's like that anymore or not. I've been out of this for a while. The site isn't the same for me anymore and I doubt it ever will be. I'll still come here for the news over some corporate site any day of the week, but I can't see me going back to blogging on a daily basis ever again. To be honest I don't even feel comfortable around here anymore. I feel like nobody knows who the fuck I am.

But I've been hanging around the past few weeks. I'm spending more time at the desk now that I have another baby. My wife and I sleep at different times due to work and the baby, so I find myself not being obligated to sit on the couch all the damn time. It's great, really: We watch a movie and have sex and then one of us goes to sleep. Oh, and there's always dinner cooked for me and no mess to clean. The wife thinks I can't handle the kids and the cleaning and work. I'm a happy camper right now. I'm guessing this is a good time to stop talking about this topic.

But anyway, back to what I was saying. This place is basically the same as it was 5 years ago when I first started coming here.The community members are not all the same, but the type of people that have replaced them seem to fit in just fine. I'm going to try and spend more time blogging in the immediate future. I've said that line of bullshit before, but this time I feel like I'll honestly stick around. I'm hoping to see better writing on the front page, but that's something I'm slowly realizing is going to take patience. These guys are solid writers, they just need to grow some balls and put themselves out there. If we don't like you, then you can probably find jobs somewhere else that has a less casual tone than Destructoid.

If you haven't realized by now, this post is going nowhere in particular. I just felt like typing about Destructoid after finding out it just turned 6. I forget sometimes how long it's been here. I visit every single day for the news. It's become so routine for me that I never stop and consider how much it's changed and grown over the years. So this was me kind of doing that. I just felt a bit nostalgic and shit.

So this is me saying Happy Birthday, Destructoid. I hope things get a bit better on the front page, but know that I don't doubt that you're trying. I just hope it all works out well. See you soon bitches.   read







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