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Hello there Destructoid. I don't game as much as I used to when I was an extremely active member of the website. I've had a 3rd kid as opposed to the 2 I had back when I joined and I've discovered that there are other things to do besides play video games. But I'm still a gamer for life.


Xbox 360




PS Vita

Decent PC for gaming


My Favorite Games:

I used to have a list here but honestly I've changed my mind quite a bit over the years. I played Chrono Trigger again like I do ever year or 2 and decided that it's dialogue, like many old (and many new) JRPGs, was just too shitty and juvenile for me to actually take seriously anymore. I guess I'm just getting old.

My favorite games in no particular order are Resident Evil 4, God of War, Super Mario Bros 3, Super Mario Galaxy, Legend of Zelda A Link to the Past,Final Fantasy Tactics, Batman Arkham Asylum, and Chrono Cross. Pretty sure I've forgotten a few games I might remember when asked what my favorite games are in the future. It changes a lot.

This website used to be the best on the internet. Hopefully it will get back to that point, or close, some day soon. I'll probably never fully leave anyway.

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I've been out shopping a lot lately and have made repeat visits to many of the same stores on different days of the week. Lots of different deals on different days at different places. But you want to know one thing that's constant at ALL of them?

They all have Wii-U consoles in stock. Like, tons of them. And not just the Basic White model, but lots of Black Deluxe models too. Best Buy, Target, Wal-Mart, Toys R US. They all have them in stock.

Now, you might say, well, sure, but that's in YOUR area or YOUR town. But the friendly workers at my local Toys R Us inform me that they are in the top 15 stores in the country in terms of revenue and profit. Think about that for a second. That means there are only 14 other Toys R Us stores that do better business in the entire country. So it's quite a large store with a lot of customers. The store is packed all the time. Packed with customers and packed with Wii U consoles to sell to those that want them. Except nobody wants them.

They told me they didn't even run out of them on Black Friday, but they ran out of Xbox 360 consoles by the end of the weekend. What?

Every time I go to Toys R US I see the same stack of consoles. They tell me it started at around 60 of them and now it's down to around 30. In a week. A FUCKING WEEK!

I witnessed a store worker trying to sell a Wii U to a middle aged woman for her kids. She asked if the tablet was a good as an iPad. He said no. Then she asked "Is it better than the Xbox with the no controller thing" and he said yes, to which she replied "But it has a controller. How can it be better?". I wanted to kill myself at the time, but thinking back I'm not so sure she's totally in the wrong. How can they ask her to spend so much money when for just a bit more she can get an iPad and for less she can get an Xbox 360? The games look the same in terms of what the naked eye can see. The touch screen isn't as good as a real tablet.

Where exactly is the value in this product? What does it have the other consoles don't? If you want to be blunt it's really just a combo of the Wii, the DS, and an Xbox. And it has Nintendo games. But parents don't care about that. They only care about getting the hottest shit out for their kids, and sadly it seems that the Wii U isn't the hottest thing right now.

Anyway, I just felt like sharing that with you. I still bought a Wii-U for my kids and we'll be playing the shit out of it come Christmas Day and beyond, but it is a bit worrying to see the console get off to such a rough start. I really hope that word of mouth from people who own one is strong enough to get things going, because Nintendo really can't afford to have this thing flop. I don't want to see them fail. Even though I don't play their games as much as I used to, I would never want to live in a world where they don't exist or aren't important anymore.

Hopefully things improve. Sorry for the incoherent babble. Just felt like letting my thoughts out. See you around, Dtoid.

According to the American Weekly Chart over at, Capcom's Resident Evil 6 has managed to move over 800,000 copies in the grand old USA in just one week on the shelves. Look closer and you'll notice that it's sold considerably more than that worldwide. It's gone past 2 million sales globally in a week. I'm going to assume you're asking why you should give a shit and wondering why I'm posting a news story. Or you read the title and you know what the fuck is going down. The point is that you should care about how successful this game is. The amount of copies sold tells Capcom whether or not they should continue down the path they've taken with the series.

Clearly they should keep doing what they're doing. Low Metacritic and GameRanking numbers didn't stop gamers from picking this piece of human fecal matter up at GameStop and elsewhere. I was hoping that the demo and the reviews might scare people away, but apparently the idea of crashing a burning plane into a large city in China and surviving and then meeting a woman who you saved as a child way back in America years ago on your first day on the job which happened to also have zombies and then fighting a monster with her is perfectly feasible and in fact desirable to many people. Also, does Agent Hunnigan ever change her fucking clothes?

Anyway, in the end all I can really do is express my disappointment with you guys. I have no control over the minds and wallets of other people and therefore can only do my best to warn other people against spending their money on what amounts the video game equivalent of The Expendables with zombies and monsters. Yes, it sucks that bad.

Hopefully Capcom will at least continue to give us good portable Resident Evil games in the future. Or perhaps a lot of people who spent their money on this game will be unhappy with their purchase and not buy the next turd sandwich Crapcom craps out of their dirty vagina. One can only hope for a total series reboot that gets back to basics, minus those old camera angles. Just give me RE4 with different characters and settings. Give me a video game, not a deadly serious buddy cop/soldier movie with 3 sets of buddies that sucks cock.

Sometimes people really suck dick. I'm ashamed to be on of those 2 million people this past week who partook in that activity when we bought this abortion of a game.

I'm almost at a loss for words here. I'm truthfully struggling to put my feelings on the computer screen right now. I just don't know where to begin. I haven't even fully identified what went wrong. I've got my ideas but nothing can really explain what I've been through these past few days. I can honestly say that I am shocked. Shocked that Capcom could actually manage to fuck up a core Resident Evil game so badly. Shocked that Capcom has released two shitty Resident Evil games in one year. Shocked that I am fighting scorpion-people with guns alongside 5 other BSAA agents. Seriously. Like 5 other dudes.

I am shocked that I just probably killed a few hundred people when I crash-landed a large airplane in the middle of China. Shocked that nobody seemed to notice, not even the two primary protagonists that I just so happened to run into right after crashing a fucking airplane in the middle of China. Shocked that Leon and his uninteresting partner never turn into zombies from "Zombie gas" while everyone around them does. Shocked that I am kung-fu fighting the shit out of zombies to both save and gain ammo. Shocked that I am getting close to running out of ammo in a game where all you do is kill things non-fucking stop.

I am shocked that I am supposed to be scared because it's dark but instead I am just frustrated at not being able to see a fucking thing. I am shocked that the camera sucks so bad when all it needs to do is stay behind you. Shocked that they made turning around so much like other games, which makes that sucky camera so sucky. Shocked that I can move and shoot and it feels clunkier than ever. Shocked that when I try to walk backwards while shooting I constantly land on my back like a whore. Shocked that the developers of this game expect me to take their corny story seriously. Shocked at just how much this game really does feel like a Micheal Bay movie. Shocked that Jim Sterling was totally right.

And after Resident Evil 4 and it's amazing boss fights and it's sequel's fun co-op boss fights, I'm fucking shocked that the boss fights in this game suck so fucking hard.

I should have played that fucking demo first and spared myself this misery.

Excited about finally getting to play Nintendo games in HD. Depressed about paying $350 for a tablet with no mutli-touch and Xbox 360 graphics. Excited to have the opportunity to play Zombie U. Depressed because it's only ONE game in a sea of mediocrity and Nintendo games.

I could go on like this forever. I really could. But out of respect for you guys (and because listing my thoughts in a list is totally fucking boring) I have decided write out my thoughts in a blog.

Nothing I've seen over the past few days has blown my mind. Bayonetta 2 is really awesome, but I've never done more than play the demo for the original. So that's not really doing much for me. I suppose I could say I'm glad to see Nintendo trying to appeal to the core gamer by courting third-party developers and publishers, but I don't see that being the case here. This is just Nintendo publishing a 3rd party game and getting all the rights and money associated with it in the end. They haven't done shit to garner third party support as far as I can tell. Just made partnerships with the usual companies.

On the other hand, I am extremely excited to play New Super Mario Bros U. HD graphics have really allowed the artwork to come to life in a way that clearly was not possible before. The environments alone have me frothing at the mouth and yanking at my penis. Same goes for the ability to play as "Product Packaging Mario" or "Magazine Cover Mario", which is my name for this new HD Mario that finally looks exactly like the Mario on the game boxes, the toys, the other assorted merchandise and junk . This Mario is not jagged and blurry, but smooth and beautiful. I'm creaming myself in anticipation.

Magazine Cover Mario

At the same time, this feels like a missed opportunity to really show off what Mario can really look like. When he's in three dimensions. In a 3D platforming game. My guess is that Nintendo simply doesn't have the game ready and up to their standards. There's also the fact that 2D Mario games sell a hell of a lot better than 3D Mario games. Or they're just being Nintendo. Probably thinking that coverage of games that are a year or more off would cannibalize coverage of their launch titles and all that jazz. They're probably right. I wasn't expecting anything really new today so I probably should be happy with stuff like Bayonetta 2, but I still feel like Nintendo should have shown us something more.

On the other end of the spectrum, I am intrigued by the possibilities for "asynchronous gameplay". I always like the idea of multiplayer games that feature people doing completely different things, but I love the idea of having someone use a completely different input method to perform their particular task. You see this executed in the Nintendo Land games though not really anywhere else that I've noticed. I'd like to see these concepts explored further and in more developed scenarios (meaning I like pretty things). I just want to do something fucking new! Motion control was such a disappointment in the end for me. It was mostly just a gimmick with the same old problems and a whole host of potential new ones. It had and still has potential but it's mostly wasted on garbage fucking mini-game collections. The best Wii games were old Nintendo franchises with a few new tricks (Super Mario Galaxy, Skyward Sword). Any attempt at going completely motion control in a "mature" (again, whatever that means) game usually failed miserably. So I like the idea of combining both motion control concepts with the touchscreen and buttons of the controller. Certainly the console is versatile when it comes to different styles of play. That's something I value a lot.

The most disappointing aspect of all, and the last thing I'll be sad about for today, is the price. I was really hoping for $250 with Nintendo Land packed in. Clearly that's not happening anytime soon unless Nintendo totally fucks this up and needs to cut the price. But after seeing what's offered at what price, I still feel like I'm paying a bit too much. The $350 model is clearly the better package considering it comes with a game Nintendo is raping people for and extra memory and cradles and shit. But it still seems a bit steep for console that seems about equal (and sometimes even less than equal) with an Xbox 360 or a PS3 in terms of graphical power. I'm curious as to how good the screen is on the GamePad in terms of resolution and brightness. Knowing that it's not mutli-touch is already disappointing but it's not the end of the world. What else is in this "tablet" that they're charging me this much money? Is the screen HD? It would seem pointless to finally have HD graphics and then not use them on the second screen. Is there a processor? Does it all matter?

Probably not. But that's why I have you people. I can talk about this nonsense with you and you might take me seriously for a minute. My wife would not. My father would not. My son might but he would get bored.

Anyway, that's enough for today. Been nice talking with you.

As I recently mentioned (in one of my previous blog posts) I don't play video games a whole lot anymore. There are a whole host of reasons for this, including but not limited to:

Having a 3rd child

Getting into other things

Spending more time with and inside of my nagging wife

This list could go on forever but I thought I'd be kind and spare you the gruesome details of my everyday life. Instead I thought I'd focus on some of the problems I have with games themselves that have kept me from playing them as much as I used to. Keep in mind that these are my opinions and not yours so there's no need to kick me in the nuts just for sharing this with you.

One of my biggest problems, and the one I took the longest to really identify, is what seems like a stagnant gaming industry. I see the same shit over and over. I am amazed by the sheer amount of sequels and remakes I see. You see, I've never been one to tire of playing something great over and over again. I've enjoyed dozens of sequels, remakes, and continuations of gaming series over the years and probably will still enjoy many more in the coming years. But for some reason I find myself tired of the same old shit. I started playing Uncharted 3, which I've had since literally the day it came out, and I get bored in 5 minutes. I don't really understand why. My wife and I enjoyed playing Halo: Reach and then Gears of War 3 for a long time, but suddenly we don't play either of them nor anything else (save for her and WoW) and I don't find myself giving a rat's ass about it. I'm content to spend my free time reading comics and checking the gaming news for anything exciting.

I don't know when this will change. I'm hoping that the next generation of consoles will light a fire under developer's asses and allow them to show me some awesome shit. But I don't expect that to happen nor do I really care if it does. I'll always play games. I've gone through periods where it wasn't my number 1 entertainment option before. Then Xbox 360 and PS3 came out and got me into it again. Perhaps I'm shallow and am not impressed by how similar all the games look nowadays. No matter how hard developers try, it seems we've clearly reached the limits of visual quality on these consoles. I remember feeling that way about the Xbox, PS2 and GameCube. Two of the only games I played for a few years back then were Resident Evil 4 and God of War, two of the best looking games of the time. Again, maybe I am shallow.

I did finish Batman:Arkham City around the same time I got my copy of Uncharted 3. That game was fucking awesome, although it couldn't match or surpass it's predecessor, which was nearly perfect in my eyes. But AC is a Batman game, and I fucking love Batman. I love Uncharted too, but to be honest Nathan Drake isn't enough to get me through another 10 hours of shooting, taking cover, climbing, and then shooting some more. It just gets old. At least Batman tried to keep giving you new things to do in both of his games. In games like Uncharted it's just another variation on things you've probably seen in the movies. I do plan on playing and completing Uncharted 3 one day, but I don't know when that day will be.

Still, there is hope yet for me. I am surprised to find myself playing my son's copy of New Super Mario Bros 2. It's definitely the easiest Super Mario game I've ever played, with the main game being a total breeze. The special worlds I've visited are a bit more challenging but nothing an old fart like myself can't handle after all these years spent playing Mario games. Mario remains fun after all these years. I'm excited to get my kids a Wii U for Christmas and hopefully achieve my (shallow) dream of playing a Zelda game with beautiful HD graphics sometime in the next year or two. We'll see how it all goes. Hopefully the console won't find itself dead on arrival like I fear it may.

Well, that's enough soul searching for one day. In a few days I'll attempt to write something else. If I can get my wife to stop trying to have sex with me for long enough. She's so desperate it's not even funny. Just annoying.

So much for getting deep. See you soon if I can.

Yes, a comic review. I decided that my not playing games much anymore makes it a bit difficult for me to blog about playing games. This is only temporary. I'm going to attempt to play something on my Xbox 360 tonight and will try to report back on how it went and all that jazz. Maybe I'll even get deep on you fuckers and blow your minds with some philosophical bullshit about growing older and other "mature" and "serious" topics. Totally going to do that.

Anyway, onto the Comic Book Review bitches!

Batman: Earth One

Written By: Geoff Johns

Pencils by: Gary Frank

I'm not a big fan of Geoff Johns. That's probably more to do with my personal tastes than his creative talents. For starters, I don't like continuing series and Johns is definitely more involved in that side of comic books than graphic novels and the like. Most ongoing stories start off great but soon become convoluted and begin to feel forced or silly. At that point the bigger publishers decide to start crossing over with other comics. At that point, everything goes to shit.

So I was definitely curious when I found out Johns was writing a Batman graphic novel. Like lots of people, Batman is my favorite super hero. I'm not going to go into why I feel that way because that should be fucking obvious to anyone who has experienced a Batman film or comic book. Clearly he is totally awesome. And Johns is a favorite writer of a lot of people out there. Naturally expectations were high for this one. Did it deliver? Was it a $300 escort or my wife? Would it wholly satisfy me or merely get me through the night without me hurting someone?

On the whole, I would say the answer is a resounding yes. It features another new take on the classic Batman origin story. As usual Bruce Wayne's parents are killed and he vows revenge. The differences aren't too drastic with the exception of the use of Alfred, usually Bruce's loyal butler. All I'll say is that he is not a butler. It's a bit jarring to see what they've done to him in this version of the story and takes a little getting used to, but it works out in the end. Unlike my marriage. Just kidding! Or am I?

Beyond that, I'll say that this is Batman is a bit different than the one we usually see. His equipment is pretty shitty because he made it himself, although he gets some assistance in that department from a familiar face. This Batman also gets his ass kicked a few times throughout the book, being that he's just one man against many in most situations. In real life people usually get their ass whooped when it's 3 on 1 or worse. It's a nice change of pace compared to all of the ongoing Batman series out there right now. I wish I could say the same about my sex life. That definitely needs a change of pace.

As for the writing itself, the dialogue is snappy and interesting and the use of classic and new characters in interesting and different ways is a definite positive.

The artwork is done by a bunch of guys you can easily look up for yourself with Google power. As with the story, the art uses a somewhat realistic look but it's also very colorful at times. I thought it was a nice mix of old and new, which seems to be a running theme throughout this book.

I would definitely recommend you pick this fucker up if you're into Batman and looking for something high quality and recent. It's the second book in the Earth One line of graphic novels, the first being a lame ass Superman book. That one had better artwork than this one, but it's story was corny and way too Sci-Fi for my tastes. No, I don't care for that "Superman is an alien so that makes him Science Fiction" bullshit some people say. I like when things are a bit more grounded. Birthright was a good series although that too got a little out of hand with it's story. Strange that Batman: Earth One is so grounded in reality when you consider that it supposedly takes place in the same universe as Superman: Earth One, which had non-kryptonian aliens and a bunch of other forced ass bullshit.

I'm sure the inevitable crossover will suck balls.

Also, cocks.