No, it's probably not what you may think. Then again, perhaps it is. Here's the story so far:

I bought my son his first video game for his third birthday. Why, you ask? He loves playing video games, his favorite being GTA4. He loves to tell me how to make the man jump and punch, and he absolutely loves driving the cars in the game. He's been begging for his OWN video game for a while now, and I decided to finally oblige since it's his birthday.
Now, I have yet to give to him, seeing as how his birthday isn't for a another 2 days. Before we get into specifics and all that stuff you're supposed to do when you blog, let me show what game I picked up for the little man:


Hable Espanol? Fuck no.

That's right. Go,Diego, Go! Safari Rescue. Now, before you bemoan my choice of game for my 3 year old, let me explain. It's the year 2008. While some of us may have had no problem picking up Super Mario Bros way back in 1986, today's games are a different breed. Would I have loved to introduce my son to gaming with Mario? Of course. But for all it's wonderful and simple gameplay, Super Mario Galaxy is a bit too advanced for most 3 year olds, including mine. Plus, I already have that game so that would've been a weak ass gift. Besides all of this, Diego is one of his favorite shows, so it seemed natural.

So what is a dad to do for his budding videogame junkie? Well, I wanted it to be a Wii game, figuring the mechanics might be simpler if I got the right game. I did some research, first and foremost. I checked Metacritic, which led me to the IGN Review of the previously mentioned "game based on an annoying kids show that teaches my son a language he doesn't need to know". As you'll see if you click the link, the game actually got a decent rating, a 7.1. And while some may spite me for trusting a review from a big corporate website, I seriously doubt money or anything else changed hands for that number score.


He'll get a kick out of stuff like pumping up this hot air balloon

So, spurned on by IGN's remarks about how the game is great for little kids and even features intuitive and simple motion controls (take note, every other 3rd party dev), I went out and got it. It even features some sort of "parental help" mode which enables me to help my kid along should he not understand something.

I doubt the kid will have a problem though; He managed to rob a taxi in GTA4 once and then proceeded to get 4 stars while eluding police. HE'S 3 YEARS OLD! How easy can you make it, Rockstar? (Disclaimer: I wasn't paying attention for a moment, and he didn't know he couldn't take the car.)

And that last sentence explains precisely why I'm sticking with kiddie games for my son from here on out, or at least till he's about 5 or 6. Then we can begin the Mario onslaught. Nintendo is going to rape my wallet when this kid grows up.

Anyway, we haven't played it yet, as it's not his B-Day yet. But I know he's going to love it. I'll be sure to blog about our experience playing together shorty after his big day. If he likes it, we'll buy him another game for Christmas. Until then, I love you Destructoid.

I'll never leave you bastards.

Also, I can't wait till the day my son is old enough to take on Gears of War 20's Co-op Campaign with me. Preferably when he's 25 and living in his own house. It is going to be AMAZING.