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EternalDeathSlayer avatar 9:06 PM on 04.13.2012  (server time)
PS Vita: Worst gift ever?

Have you ever received an expensive gift and not known what to say to the giver of said gift? I bet you have, unless you're poor or something. Usually one experiences this feeling of speechlessness due to the genuine shock and surprise they feel. I felt this way the other day, except I wasn't shocked nor surprised. I was upset.

You see, I had just received a PS Vita from my wife. She went and spent 300 American Dollars on the 3G model with it's useless AT&T data plans so that I could download it's mostly useless games and other asscockery. When she handed it to me, I didn't know what to do. I wasn't excited or anything of the sort. I had a general feeling of "meh" inside me. So I pretended to like it. I'm still pretending to like it. But it has sort of grown on me. Shame it's seemingly dead in the water already.

That's probably the most disappointing part of this whole fiasco. After spending some time with the system and playing some games, I think it has enormous potential as a portable gaming device. Unfortunately somebody forgot to tell Sony that the world isn't interested in this type of thing anymore. Why spend 250 dollars on an easily breakable console with expensive games when you can spend a bit more and get yourself an Android tablet or iPad with a warranty and cheap-as-shit games?. Hell, why spend 250 dollars on this when you can get a 3DS for 170 and enjoy world-class Nintendo games on a durable piece of hardware?

Better yet:


Seriously what the fuck is Sony thinking here. Either include a large flash drive inside or support SD cards. A 32GB PSVita memory card costs 100 fucking dollars at normal retail price. Sure, you can find it for less, but not much. Sony just keeps doing stupid shit like this over and over again, seemingly never learning from any of their mistakes. They just keep fucking us over. Of course, you could just buy what seem like SD cards with the games on them. Yeah. Stick it in there.

Did I mention there are apparently NO games coming for this thing in the near future?

Yeah. It sucks.

But there are some bright spots. Uncharted is a fantastic piece of software. I am sure I will enjoy listening to Nolan North when I'm taking a shit on the toilet. I also really like this little downloadable title I got called Tales from Space: Mutant Blobs Attack. It only cost 8 dollars and is fully of charm and creativity yet is also very simple. Even my kids enjoyed it.

I'm sure there will be something else worthwhile for the system at some point. Perhaps an entry in one of my favorite series, God of War? I'd like a Resident Evil game as well but I won't hold my breath. Whatever they put out, it had better start coming soon. I'm not too enthralled with the current lineup. Shit needs to improve. You know there is a problem when you're not even too excited to get a product for free. Free!

It has a nice screen. Goodbye guys.

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