Now before people start telling me that I'm giving the likes of Jack Thompson and Glenn Beck fodder for their foolish crusades and rants against gaming, hear me out. While I fully expect the title of this blog to grab people's attention for both good and bad reasons, it's never a wise decision to comment before reading.

Anyway, where to start? Ah yes, my son. He's 2 and a half years old now. Good boy and all, but it's becoming increasingly obvious that he has inherited either his mother or father's genetic deficiencies. He's most definitely got ADHD or something like that. It's not that big of a deal either way. He's also a smart little sucker, as you'll find out soon enough. Read on.

So last night started like any other would, with me bringing my children to bed at about 8PM. My daughter soon fell fast asleep, but my son wouldn't go to bed. He kept getting up and running downstairs to harass me while I tried to play some GTA IV, which I haven't been able to do the previous two days. After getting him to sit down, I contemplate turning off the system so he doesn't see Niko Bellic go on a murderous rampage or at the very least, me crashing a car into some pedestrians because I forgot to use my brakes properly. That happens a lot in this game. Anyway, I never got the chance, as he used my momentary distraction to his advantage and controller-jacked me. He wanted to play daddy's game.



Now, under normal circumstances, I'd have taken the controller away. The only thing I've really ever let him do is wave the Wii Remote around to make Mario spin attack in Super Mario Galaxy. But I had actually just crashed my stolen Turismo right through some sort of fence and ended up at the beach. There weren't many people around and I had no weapons. He doesn't know how to drive. I decided to let him play. What could go wrong?

Apparently, everything imaginable. I tried to teach him some buttons, which he picked up remarkably well. Within minutes, he knew how to jump and punch using square and circle, respectively. But then he decided that he wanted to act his age and try a little experimentation and exploration. He pressed the Triangle button, which of course automatically walks you right into the nearest car. He then discovered which buttons move the car backwards and forwards, and while he had trouble holding each button down, he eventually managed to drive the car right into the water.

I fruitlessly tried to grab the controller but by the time I wrestled it away from him, Niko was swimming with the fish. Permanently. Luckily, he had to no clue what was happening at that point.



Either way, we had a lot of fun. Before he killed Niko, we spent a lot of time just learning the buttons, about 45 quality father-son minutes actually. He kept laughing hysterically when he realized it was him making Niko jump and punch. It was the coolest thing he'd ever seen. Now, some might have a problem with him learning to "punch", but then again it's not like he hit a person in the game. He was shadow boxing pretty much.

I would be really nice if I had the option to turn off people or crowds in the game, so as to allow him to drive wherever he wants, but then again, he can't quite seem to figure out the analog stick. His hands are a bit too small to use the buttons and the analog stick together at the same time. So he just kind of drives forward and backwards, or just sits there and jumps and punches the air. He also loves to tell me the colors of all the cars and other objects he sees. He's amazing.

It's amazingly cute to see him in action, but I must admit I also get a bit scared when I see just how involved he got with such rudimentary actions in a game. I've never seen him sit still and pay attention for so long. All told, we played almost two hours, and then he finally went to bed. Then, I played some multiplayer. It was generally fun, but nothing amazing.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you. After the initial drowning, I found some sort of empty lot. It's not big, and I can't for the life of me remember where it is for future use. Whatever the case, I see no problem with my son playing this game so long as I'm watching and he doesn't have weapons and he can't run people over.

He's only 2 years old. What's the worst that could happen?