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EternalDeathSlayer avatar 2:58 PM on 03.15.2012
History tragically repeats itself: My son is a Sonic the Hedgehog fan

When I think back to my childhood and the games I played, there are a few series and franchises that stand out for the amount of interest they garnered from me and the subsequent amount of time I spent playing them. Pretty much all of these were on Nintendo consoles, except one. As you've probably deduced by now from the title and because you're not a fucking moron, that "exception" was Sonic the Hedgehog for the Sega Genesis.

I really enjoyed the time I spent playing those original Sonic games. I even had the pinball game, Sonic Spinball. But that's where it ends for me. I never owned a Sega CD and so never owned Sonic CD until just a few months ago. And while I owned a Dreamcast and a copy of Sonic Adventure, I've always hated that game and all it's shitty sequels and follow-ups. But regardless of how I feel about all of this shit, I only ever dealt with the games. I watched the original cartoon once or twice and the same goes for some Sonic comics. I was busy with super-heroes when it came to cartoons and comics.

But my son? My 6 old is a fan of just about EVERYTHING Sonic related. Some may say this is cool or a good thing or we could use it to bond, and they would be somewhat correct, but then again it also means that my son enjoys watching this:

There's supposed to be a video here but I can't figure out how to embed one for the life of me. This used to be so easy. Even the cblogs suck now....

The lyrics are as follows:

(Sonic)
Triplets Born
The Throne Awaits
A seer warns of a deadly fate
Give up your children
Separate
Bide Your Time
Lie In Wait
Sonic Underground (Sonic)
Sonic Underground (Sonic)
They made a vow their mother will be found

The children grow
Learn what's right
Leaders of the freedom fight
They seek their mother
She knows they do
It is time if she only knew
Will the prophecy come true?
Sonic Underground (Sonic)
Sonic Underground
Queen Aleena: "I long for my children but I have to wait.
To act too soon could seal their fate!"
They made a vow their mother will be found
Sonic Underground!

Fuck you Sonic Underground. Fuck you and your whore mother.

Just read that shit. FUCKING READ IT. You know you didn't click the link. It's OK, my parents are racist Catholics so I forigve you. That shit is awful though , huh? Is this what it was like for my parents with Power Rangers or the Super Mario cartoon? I loved the Super Mario cartoon But the show isn't the only thing. There are expensive action figures, stupid spin-off games like Sega All Stars Racing and Sonic Riders, and other junk he wants to buy. This is all without mentioning how much of a letdown he's in for if he spends his MS Points on Sonic Adventure and finds out it sucks dick.

Hell, wait until he plays pretty much any game besides the 2D side scrolling one's he currently enjoys. I'm banking on thrown controllers and lots of screaming at the TV about how it's not fair that Sonic The Hedgehog for the 360 is so hard. Right now he only plays Sonic 2, 3, and 4 Episode 1. But that's enough for now. As you might have noticed, my son is pretty much just like any other 6 year old. They latch onto characters or brands for a few months before moving on and finding something new to obsess over. It's really not that bad. I just find myself sitting here with 10 minutes to spare before I get my son off of the school bus and I just stepped on one of those expensive fucking action figures. Super Sonic is a cocksucking bastard. Fuck him in his yellow ear.

Anyway, it's been good getting out some more frustration with you guys. This is most certainly a throw-away post, so feel free to treat it as such and just throw it away. Or alternatively you could digest it slowly and painfully and then shit it out quickly and with much moisture. Whatever floats your boat. I need to get my son and then ice my foot. I fucking hate toys. See ya.....

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