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EternalDeathSlayer avatar 7:09 PM on 04.03.2011  (server time)
Did I really spend 60 hours playing Bulletstorm?

Yes, yes I did. And it was an oh-so-awesome fucking time. Every minute of it. Well, to be fair, a few rounds of Anarchy mode, the game's multiplayer option, with people I didn't know who didn't wear headsets, were kind of of lame. But that's maybe 30 minutes of about 55 to 60 hours I've probably played this game. And of those 60 hours, approximately 60 hours of it was a fantastic and fun-filled time.

I'm sure some of you have played the game and are wondering how I could possibly spent that much time on it. And believe me you, I totally fucking understand where you're coming from if you feel that way. Usually I'm the guy sitting here trying to fathom how anybody could spend so much fucking time with one particular game. For the most part I just beat games and move on, or play multiplayer and never even bother with the campaign or story. But Bulletstorm is different.

You see, unlike most FPS games, BS (as it will be called from here on out) has a great little thing called Echoes. Sure, some games have a "Firefight" type mode, but that's different. That's just waves of increasingly difficult enemies. In BS, you'll be going through a level with the same enemies in the same spots every time. Some might say it seems like a recipe for boredom and staleness and all that other shit. But it's not. It takes the satisfaction derived from killing people in violent ways and mixes it with the satisfaction of getting a higher score than your previous tries. It's basically melding new-school gaming with old-school sensibilities and then covering it in blood and immature humor (my favorite type of humor in games).

Now ordinarily I'd probably play each level a few times and then move on with my life. But not this time. I played each level 10s if not 100s of times each. Why? The answer is simple: I'm actually pretty good at this game, unlike just about every other game that features leader boards. I've been ranked as high as 180 in terms of Total Score, which is all levels combined. I've been ranked as high as 5th in individual levels, especially when the game was first released, and even as high as the 20s and 30s weeks after release. Now? Who knows. Haven't played in a few weeks. The wife had me playing Halo:Reach with her and now I've got Crysis 2 to fool around with for a while. But I do plan on going back to this game again, something I almost never do. I've got a Very Hard play through that I'm about 3/4 of the way done with, and I know that once I fire the game up I won't turn it off until I best one of my current high scores. The game is just that fucking addictive to me.

Now, before you all say "Nobody gives a fuck about your BS skills (pun intended) you dork", I'm not trying to brag. One can hardly brag about something of this sort unless they're in the top 10 or something like that. I'm merely attempting to show you why I enjoy the game so much. Of course, it's not just the addictive nature of the game. It's a blast to play in general. The story, while somewhat light and not really thought-provoking or well nuanced, is expertly paced and wonderfully written. You'll find yourself laughing a lot, unless you're a tight ass or an old man who watches Fox News, and you'll probably even care a bit about the characters, which I found impressive. It's hard to make me care about a guy who drinks constantly and gets extremely excited for what he calls "Murder-time!". I mean, guy's practically a sociopath. But your companion Ishi is a nice counter to the insanity that is Grayson Hunt.

Now, this isn't really a review, because reviews require thought, and this took about 20 minutes to write, and that's including the giant shit break I took in the middle (Sausage sandwiches, beer, hash and baseball will do that to you). I just felt like telling you guys my thoughts, even though my previous blog (shameless self-promotion FTW) claimed I'd probably save my expanded thoughts on BS for a dual-review of it along with Crysis 2. But my wife is watching Young Victoria and I'm not really down with that, so here I am, infecting your C-blogs, clogging up your interwebs with my bullshit. That's just how it goes. Life isn't always fair.

But worry not, dear Destructoidians. For now it is time for my comeuppance: My wife is making me watch Resident Evil:Afterlife on Blu-Ray with her. She bought it today in anticipation of the arrival of our 3D TV. I assume it has an extra disc with the 2D version or whatever. I dunno. She bought the 3D copy. And of course, this means I'll also be watching it again in 3D sometime in the future. I actually don't mind the other RE movies, as I'm not a purist and can separate the campy, B quality movies from the campy, B-movie like games, which while more coherent and better written, aren't exactly going to win awards for their stories or dialogue either. The films aren't good, but I usually get some laughs out of how stupid they are. But this one looks worse than the others, which didn't seem possible.

I'll stop bothering you now. Good night, fair kingdom of Destructoidia. Sleep well.

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