Every Wednesday for the next 6 weeks I will be posting a review from back when I was god of everything. Granted, that was a while back, and thusly every script that I had scrawled in that period were tossed into the endless abyss that is: ... My Mother's Attic.
I embarked on an arduous journey. I traversed mountains of scrapbooks, rivers filled with horrible pictures, and lands forged of nothing but mildew and grandma clothes, but finally I reached my goal. It is at this time that I am able to bring you this: A review of the original Viewtiful Joe(GC) through the eyes of a 15-year-old megalomaniac. Please try to enjoy.
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In Color!

November 27, 2003 - Opening Comments:
I thought about not doing an opening comment because I want to get right to the game...so I will...go buy it now!

Story:
The Story's a classic, everybody knows the whole "Sweetheart got kidnapped, hero suits up to save her" deal, but that's where the similarities end, never before has a company gone so far to make a game look and play like a true-to-Comic-book Super hero action adventure. The game begins with you (Joe) out on a date with your hot secretary-seeking-hot-action (Silvia) to the movies, which is a particularly old flick Joe picked himself because of his infatuation with the Captain Blue comics, as you probably guessed, the movie is called "Captain Blue". Anyways, Joe is getting all pumped because Blue is in a fight, and he is crazy, Joe's ladyfriend tells him she wants to see more "Offscreen action" and lunges onto him like a cheetah in heat, and Joe Pushes her away, then as he sits back to talk to her, a robotic hand comes out of the silver screen and pulls his ladyfriend into Movie Land, another robot is flung into the theater from the screen and returns to Movie Land with Joe in hand, whom he wants to save Silvia and Movie Land. And Thus...your journey begins.

Gameplay:
This is where the game gets it's "Ownage Factor" from, as well as another later category. It just Blends so smoothly and your movements onscreen are amazing. I found it most amusing to use a wheel-kick in Super-Speed...buh-bun-nah-nah-buh-nah-bun-nah, Can't touch this. You'll see what I mean, the game is pretty easy to pick up and play considering there are tutorials...yeah. And no matter what button or button-combination you hit, you will be "Wowed".

Graphics:
This is the games second half of the "Ownage Factor". It's just so beatiful, it doesn't seem like Anything is out of place, and the comic book/old movie look is perfect for this type of game, I don't know how they did it, but Capcom blends everything so perfectly and precise, I have to commend them. I also like how when your Vmeter runs dry, you turn back to old Joe and the screen goes grainy like an old movie until the meter fills. The levels were beautiful, my favorite level, by far, was the submarine, I just found everything in there so cool, and the level layout switches directions a few times, making it over-all, the most interesting to me. This deserves to have a word such as "Viewtiful" invented to describe it, because there wasn't a word in our vocabulary that could have said it any better.

Sound:
This was kind of odd, I really didn't know how to score this, because I was thinking I should grade it like I would a soundtrack, but I decided to grade it on how it set the ambience. The music itself is cheesey and old-sounding, but as soon as I heard it in-game, I fell in love with it, it doesn't just set the mood, it advances the story in it's own way. The music sounds like that of a late 80s superhero cartoon, and it makes me love Capcom all the better for it.

Closing Comments:
Overall, Viewtiful Joe is at the top of my "Must-buy or you're a loser" list...in fact, I'm gonna go write that list right now.

-- Terry B. | Eques_Ardor

Presentation: 5/5
The most stylish Game ever (and that's saying a lot...obviously), The atmosphere is awesome and the load-times almost non-existent. This was plotted to pinpoint precisions, like the texture of a certain main character's beard. The comedy may be a little off for those who don't understand it, but how could you not? Pretty, funny, and precise...that's a 5 if I ever knew one.

Graphics: 5/5
Viewtiful...sorry, I had to say it, it's overwhelmingly true. The worlds you play through are so well designed (especially the submarine level) it's hard to think of anything but a five to give it....maybe a 5.5? Either way, this game was well thought out and designed, and unique too, none shall surpass the beauty that is VJ's comic-book style graphical overhaul.

Sound: 5/5
I was originally going to give this a 4.0, because while it's still good, it's kind of cheesey, but that sets the whole movie superhero mood, so congrats, 5/5.

Gameplay: 4.5/5
Absolutely amazing, not Perfect per se, but well enough off for a 4.5. The only flaw I found in the WHOLE system was that it didn't have a potentially large enough arsenal of moves. I know, you can mix it up by slowing them down and speeding them up and what-not, but the fact is, even though it looks cool...it's the same, Still worthy though. Nice work Capcom.

Lasting Appeal: 5/5
I don't know how it happened, I don't care how it happened, but I played this game through 3 times without being bored for a second...I did take breaks in between romps (A guy's gotta eat right?), but only for necessities. 5 fo' you young warrior, may heroness be with you.

OVERALL: 5/5(not an average)

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And there you have it. Every Wednesday (for a limited time :P), you'll be treated to another review by my half-illiterate-15-year-old ass. Maybe after I get these out of the way, I'll fill this block with something you might actually want to see... Like this!