Ok, Destructoid community, I'm going to be upfront with you: I was one of those gamers who went and bought an 80GB PS3, mostly for MGS4. I have mixed feelings of overwhelming shame and pure awesome that I got one, but it really is a great deal. There is basically three games right in the box; MGS4, MGO, and Pain (which has the depth of a flashgame on Newgrounds, but hey, free is free.) This entry is about Metal Gear Online.

Now, before I started playing, I had almost zero online gameplay experience. I'd played Smash Bros Brawl online, but really, there's little difference between that and getting 3 more friends over at your place to duke it out. I'd also flirted with Final fantasy XI on PS2 and WoW, but found myself not really into them (and regretting the financial output for both titles). So when I got my PS3 online, I thought "Oh neat, an online 3rd-person shooter! Basically for free! NEAT!"


Now THIS is Metal Gear Awesome!

After playing MGS4 for a while and getting used to the controls, I decided to tackle Metal Gear Online. After getting the Konami and game IDs and passwords, I decided to make a sniper. When I played Halo 2, I loved sniping people from massive distance away, so it was thrilling to think I could re-live those moments of glory.

My God, I was so damn naive.

After making a character and joining a beginner's game, I realized how clueless I was. after choosing a map, the game pulls up a screen of red and blue weapons. Having what can only be described as a massive brain fart, I thought "blue weapons...I must not be able to select the red ones because I have no Drebin Points hurhurhur!" No, folks, blue weapons simply mean they use anesthetic rounds...
...so of course I spent the first hour of play wondering why the frack my headshots were not killing people.


See, this isn't altogether effective, as in the next two seconds, I'll be blown away...

After getting screamed at in my headset "USE THE RED WEAPONS YOU STUPID @$$$," I took the stranger's kind advice and chose a real sniper rifle. And it was good. I was getting headshots off left and right. I was "teh hawt shite."

Except by "getting off headshots" I mean "I was getting killed left and right."

I'm not totally sure what was wrong, here. After clearing MGS4 with less than 75 alerts, I figured I was pretty damn good at being stealthy, and I know I can aim pretty damn well. Regardless of this fine achievement, I would find myself spawning right when a grenade landed at my feet, or turning the corner to the watchtower only to be met with a sniper's bullet. The most embarrassing form to death is when you've lined up the perfect shot, only to find a machinegunner has pumped your arse full of lead. This seems to happen unusually often to me, and it always ends the same way...

Me: (into microphone) "FAWK!"
Enemy: (from earpiece) "HAW-HAW!"

Despite the fact that I appear to be a bulletcatcher, I enjoy playing the game. The community generally seems nice, and I have an awesome time running around and getting blown away.

For those who wish to catch me online, my name is Eno_Sachran. Chances are, you'll find me face down in a pool of my own blood. But I'll be having the time of my life.


See you all online!