Welcoming myself back, now with 35% extra Buddy Christ!


Wow. It's been ages since I've posted on here. In fact, let's see...MGSOnline? That's the last thing I've posted about? Christ, I've been out of the loop.




Ok, well, that's not TOTALLY true. I've been silently stalking Destructoid for years, and that pattern has held up until recently. Fact is, I've been busy with life. I've had a few relationships, held an awesome steady job and recently graduated with a Master's degree in rehab counseling. I'm not stopping there, though: I'm shooting for a Doctorate in Psychology in the next year or so.



Myself, in my spatial estate after I get that Doctorate in Evil and horrible, disfiguring scars.

I've been playing games on my downtime. A LOT. Maybe I'm making up for lost time, but I've been gaming like a fiend. Marvel vs Capcom 3 hasn't ejected from my PS3 since launch day, and I don't think it'll leave until Portal 2 comes out.

Normally, I'm one of those guys who gets a game, plays it intensely, and then puts it away when the newest thing comes out...and sometimes, that means I don't complete the games I HAD been playing. So I decided to challenge myself and complete the hell out of my backlog of games. On each system. Needless to say, with 3 consoles, 2 portables, and a decent laptop to work with, there are certain games that get played more than others anyway. Here are the games and a few quick thoughts on each title...


On the 360: Banjo-Kazooie Nuts n' Bolts


If we gaze into the abyss, it also gazes back at us...

Dammit, Rare. I WANT to like this game, I really do. I love the other B-K games...why did you have to screw it up by making a clunky, DIY-style game? Seriously, the parts that are straight platforming are great, it is just the other parts where you're DRIVING a vehicle that make it a pain in the ass. But I'll finish you, oh yes...yes I will...



On the Wii: Donkey Kong Country Returns


Preeeeeeeetty...



Dear Retro Studios,

MAKE MORE OF THIS SWEET, AWESOME GAME.

Love, Eno.



On the PS3: MVC3


This is generally the moment when people start cursing at me, only there's a Red Hulk there.

I don't know what it is, but I don't love this game. I LIKE this game, but I don't love it like I did other entries in the Vs. series. I can't quite put my finger on it, but some sort of amalgamation of the controls and the lack of gravity on some of the characters make it seem kinda airy. Still, I have a blast playing it and learning new combos, so no real complaints here.



On the DS: Dragon Quest IX


I imagine everyone in this picture saying "Huzzah!" And now, you will too from this point on.

Because I am a sad little man with no other friends, I play this one on my own with my own custom team. Seeing how as the game only explores the story of the main hero, I've had to come up with backstories on my own for my other two party members. Again, sad little man. Still, if you like classic-style Enix JRPGs (and I do), then you really can't go wrong with Dragon Warrior (BECAUSE I AM OLD SCHOOL).




On the PSP: Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep


Bonus round: show this to vidjya game players, and see how many froth at the mouth from joy/rage.

You pretentiously-named FUCK. You're lucky, y'know. Unlike the other portable KH titles, you actually PLAY like a console KH game. Were it not for this, I would have just gone "meh" and merely watched videos on youtube to fill me in for future titles. While your dialogue is awkward, your gameplay is fun, and the FFV-esque method of learning new abilities has me hooked. Well played, Square. Well played...



On the PC: Team Fortress 2



Dammit, I LOVE this game. I loved it on the PS3, and I love it more on the PC. I play it daily, sometimes for about 30 minutes, sometimes for hours on end. I cannot express how much I enjoy TF2, even if some servers' chats are just trading spam. Still, I've got a mic and a sexy man-voice, so you all should hop on and play with me sometime. That came out creepier than I had imagined...


Come now, I won't bite...hard.



So, yeah. I'm back, I'll try to post and comment more often, and viva Miyamoto.

Cocks and kisses,

Eno Sachran

Ok, Destructoid community, I'm going to be upfront with you: I was one of those gamers who went and bought an 80GB PS3, mostly for MGS4. I have mixed feelings of overwhelming shame and pure awesome that I got one, but it really is a great deal. There is basically three games right in the box; MGS4, MGO, and Pain (which has the depth of a flashgame on Newgrounds, but hey, free is free.) This entry is about Metal Gear Online.

Now, before I started playing, I had almost zero online gameplay experience. I'd played Smash Bros Brawl online, but really, there's little difference between that and getting 3 more friends over at your place to duke it out. I'd also flirted with Final fantasy XI on PS2 and WoW, but found myself not really into them (and regretting the financial output for both titles). So when I got my PS3 online, I thought "Oh neat, an online 3rd-person shooter! Basically for free! NEAT!"


Now THIS is Metal Gear Awesome!

After playing MGS4 for a while and getting used to the controls, I decided to tackle Metal Gear Online. After getting the Konami and game IDs and passwords, I decided to make a sniper. When I played Halo 2, I loved sniping people from massive distance away, so it was thrilling to think I could re-live those moments of glory.

My God, I was so damn naive.

After making a character and joining a beginner's game, I realized how clueless I was. after choosing a map, the game pulls up a screen of red and blue weapons. Having what can only be described as a massive brain fart, I thought "blue weapons...I must not be able to select the red ones because I have no Drebin Points hurhurhur!" No, folks, blue weapons simply mean they use anesthetic rounds...
...so of course I spent the first hour of play wondering why the frack my headshots were not killing people.


See, this isn't altogether effective, as in the next two seconds, I'll be blown away...

After getting screamed at in my headset "USE THE RED WEAPONS YOU STUPID @$$$," I took the stranger's kind advice and chose a real sniper rifle. And it was good. I was getting headshots off left and right. I was "teh hawt shite."

Except by "getting off headshots" I mean "I was getting killed left and right."

I'm not totally sure what was wrong, here. After clearing MGS4 with less than 75 alerts, I figured I was pretty damn good at being stealthy, and I know I can aim pretty damn well. Regardless of this fine achievement, I would find myself spawning right when a grenade landed at my feet, or turning the corner to the watchtower only to be met with a sniper's bullet. The most embarrassing form to death is when you've lined up the perfect shot, only to find a machinegunner has pumped your arse full of lead. This seems to happen unusually often to me, and it always ends the same way...

Me: (into microphone) "FAWK!"
Enemy: (from earpiece) "HAW-HAW!"

Despite the fact that I appear to be a bulletcatcher, I enjoy playing the game. The community generally seems nice, and I have an awesome time running around and getting blown away.

For those who wish to catch me online, my name is Eno_Sachran. Chances are, you'll find me face down in a pool of my own blood. But I'll be having the time of my life.


See you all online!

Oy...see, I've been lurking Destructoid for ages now, and the contest was just incentive to actually get a damn c-blog.


See, it is funny, because it is a lurker from Jak and Daxter, and this a videogame website and....ah, nevermind.

I don't know how often I'll make new blog posts myself (due to the fact that I fear I am an ineloquent ass mostdays), but there have been plenty of times in the past where I wanted to comment on another blog post. Now I have the means to do so. It just took the right incentive, and throwing my hat into a contest based on a dumb internet meme is what it took. Retrospect: yeah, it looks like I'm a troll who's in it for goodies and won't be back. Planned reality: to respond and get my thoughts out there in a clever, thoughtful manner that won't insult my intelligence, or more importantly, the community's intelligence.

(EDIT: Of course, I just realized how futile justification is over the internet. Looks like I'll be writing up my experiences with MGO when I get back from work...)

This is my first blog post, people. Please be kind in the future.