Enkido's Profile - Destructoid

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But doctor, I am Pagliachi.

I'm 22 years old and studying Rock Climbing, while occasionally working toward a degree in economics. Probably the best way for me to describe my personality is like this.

(living the dream and letting it be)

I got into video games at around 9 years old when I got my first system, a Gameboy pocket...

Moving on.

Systems that I currently own:
PS3(full backwards compatible, 500Gigs)PSN->Enkido-dono
Gameboy Advance SP
Gameboy Pocket(yes, I still have it and it works)

Things I like (other than video games):
Music, a lot
Learning Guitar
Rock Climbing

My Destructoid interview by LawofThermoDynamics who did a fine job of making my sorry ass presentable. (Psst, he has more in his interview index)

Front Pageness:
irock Review, based off of this by Beyamor(becasue I'm not witty enough to get Frontpage on my own yet)

Awesome Stuff:

The Decoder Ring, gifted to me by Occams Electric Toothbrush, with the blessings of the Shadow Council. Lurkers, behold and despair.

I present Enkirby, lovechild of Beyamor and boredom, though rumors of a scandal with awesomeness abound.

My next gaming system, custom made by Renegade Panda.

Law and I, bringing the heat.

A Space Marinenkido, again by Beyamor, who won't let me forget how much cooler he is than me.

[Disclaimer: This blog does not represent the views or opinions of Enkido as he exists in a sane state and he cannot be held responsible for the content expressed in this article. For real, it's arguin' time, hold onto your hats. Also, cocks.]

This originally started as a comment refuting Collateral Damage to Children's Psyche? that got way too overblown. So instead you get this blog. I suggest reading the previous argument before delving into my rebuttal. Be warned, this blog contains rampant opinions and no pictures (gasp)!

I am going to have to respectfully disagree with many of your points. For one thing there has never been any evidence to support the idea of "causation" and instead only "correlation" has been found. In the scientific community, the burden of proof is a requirement and has never been something this argument has been able to bear. As well, it seems that in your third paragraph you give a quote that essentially invalidates your argument.

Here is what you said.
"There's a documentary called 'the soundtrack of war' where soldiers interviewed literally say a lot of them were expecting the war to be like a video game. 'I was expecting to just aim down the sight and shoot...It's a lot more gruesome than you think'"

If it is so much different than a video game, and so much more gruesome in an actual war, then I would argue that they have not been desensitized at all, perhaps misled, but not that video game violence has blunted their empathy. If the soldiers themselves are admitting that war is so much different than a video game, then I fail to understand how this helps your argument. If games are such an accurate depiction of war and violence then why is the real thing experienced so differently? There was recently a very good example of just how different real and fictional violence are in this video (be warned, it is not for the faint of heart and contains actual violence). Still, this video demonstrates exactly how different the two are in a very definite way.

Your point about who a person is fighting also seems to fall short. If the topic is violence in video games, it should not really matter who the violence is directed toward. You bring up racial or religious minorities in America as generally being the enemies of these games, but just as often the enemy of America is the Russians, who are not well known for their abundance of melanin or their religious extremism. Similarly, you bring up civilians, including women and children, which I find strange as these are never the kinds of people the player is shooting at in war games. Their inclusion in your argument seems like an emotional pull rather than a notion grounded in fact. Perhaps if you provided an example.

I also have a problem with your assertion that the U.S. Government stepped in and regulated Black Hawk Down. I have never played the game, but as far as I know there is very little the government can do to step in and alter creative content such as this without treading on the First Amendment rights of the developers. Also, when a game like that is already so far in production it is very difficult to change it and I find it hard to believe that such an example as this is an accurate account.

You also delve into how players carry themselves online, via voice chat. I will be the last to say that there is nothing wrong with some of the things that are said in the online chats of many gamers, but it is important to realize that this is not the way in which a person will conduct themselves in normal society. The problem is anonymity, not the games themselves. Kids used to do prank calls, but when Caller ID became a prominent feature on phones and anonymity was stripped away, it ceased to be an issue. Now that anonymity exists online, where a much larger number of people can participate with an even greater amount of anonymity, the issue has resurfaced through another medium. The games are not the issue in this case, they merely carry the burden.

As for why games are targeted, I believe it is because games are the new thing. It has yet to be established and until it does it will continue to come under fire. I don't believe it is because it allows the player the power to carry out such acts because ultimately the player can only experience what the developer will allow them to experience. Perhaps if there were some game that everyone experienced differently it would be different, but to my knowledge such a game does not exist. Another part of this is that when people go to see a movie they have to go through the ticket window, and if they are not old enough they are not allowed to enter without an adult. It is much easier to regulate. Because video games are consumed in the home, only parental supervision can account for what a child is subjected too, and more often than not very little care is put toward finding out what is and is not appropriate for a child. I would also argue that very little effort is put forth by those who make this argument to find exactly how these types of games are prevented from reaching those whose minds may not be mature enough to handle the themes.

I will agree with you on your point that the "violence was there before video games" is a fairly impotent argument. Instead a better argument would look like, well, ^that, but I do believe much of what I have said to be not only logical but also provable. If I may surmise my rebuttal, though I do not deny that video games have some impact of the minds of young children, I also do not believe that it affects them to the extend and with the severity which you state or imply. Essentially, much of your argument is shallow, with very little real backing, several attempts at emotional plays and fear-mongering, and is open to simple rebuttal and even self opposition.

While my argument to your original post is over, I would like to also discuss your statement about Roger Ebert. I am an enthusiastic gamer (I rather dislike the "hardcore" label) and had no problem with him stating his views. I took issue with the fact that he based it on what he assumed to be true and not actual first hand experience, a mistake that he admitted to and regretted. Also, you say that many of the gamers that responded to him were close minded and didn't read past the title before responding. This I have an issue with, as in his final blog on the issue he said that a majority of the responders were well expressed, perhaps a bit rough, but earnest nonetheless. He admitted to removing only a small few that did not address the subject or were outright offensive.

I also don't enjoy copy pasta.

[Disclaimer: This blog does not represent the views or opinions of Enkido as he exists in a sane state and he cannot be held responsible for the content expressed in this article. For real, what? It's not the end of the month. He apologizes for profaning procrastination, feel free to consider him anathema. Also, cocks.]

Blast that infernal alarm! No matter how I tried, it would never allow me to ignore it. I made sure that was the case. I finally decided to give into its shrill demands and rose from my bed. I hit the alarm, finally silencing the only tone on my phone annoying enough to demand my awakening. It was all I used my phone for anymore, and I only had it because I lacked a dedicated alarm clock and still had my phone, no matter how much its primary function had been so utterly obsoleted and I cancelled my plan quite a while ago. The clock on the phone said that I had less than 15 minutes to get dressed and get to work. A revelation such as this used to send me into a panic, for with a drive of at least 20 minutes I was sure to be late, but such was not the case anymore. Now, such an amount of time was more than enough, almost laughably so. Thanks to The Menu, such things had become trivial.

I opened it up and went to the equipment section. A collared, button up shirt, jeans, socks, and sneakers would suffice. Before closing the menu, I quickly checked under status, hungry and tired just as I suspected. I would have to endure the lethargy, but the hunger was easily remedied. I closed The Menu to find myself garbed in the clothing, taken from my item menu, that I had selected. I walked to the dining room, and pulled up The Menu again. From my items section I selected the dish I had purchased earlier, pancakes, bacon, and orange juice, and upon closing the menu found it waiting for me on the table. Food kept in the item menu never went bad and was always a few simple selections away. After making quick work of breakfast I pulled out my phone to check the time, ultimately a token gesture as the menu had one, but one that had become habit. Less than 2 minutes. I put away the phone and pulled up the menu again, navigating to the quests and mission section, to ensure that I was not forgetting to do anything. It reminded me to feed the dog and having accomplished that, I was ready to go to work just in time.

I opened The Menu again and fast traveled to work. And to think that before it was widely accepted people so vehemently opposed it, despite how much more convenient and efficient it made everything. I still remember what it was like when we didn't have The Menu, everything was so much more difficult. Hell, even menu's that didn't stop time were bothersome, though some still swore by them. I had been going to and from work since long before The Menu was introduced, why should I have to waste time every day traveling to somewhere I had already been? The idea was outdated and unnecessary since the advent of The Menu. Now I only used my car for exploring and after I found somewhere new I would just fast travel to it.

I went into work right on time, and sat at my desk. I pulled up The Menu to check my objectives for the day, and set to work completing them. The objectives menu ensued that nothing that needed to be done went ignored or forgotten.

Noon signaled the lunch hour and checking my status, I knew I was hungry again. I fast traveled to my favorite restaurant and requested a seat for two. I pulled up The Menu again and went to Party. Who did I want to have lunch with today? I settled on my good friend Joe, moved him into my party and closed the menu to find him sitting adjacent from me. He was unsurprised by this notion but scolded me for not letting him finish his conversation. It used to be the case that I would not have time to spend my lunch break with my good friend, but The Menu allowed me to summon my friends to wherever I was with a few simple selections from the party menu. After lunch was over, I removed him from my party and returned to work to finish the remainder of my tasks.

Upon finishing my last task, I was informed that it was indeed payday and all that was left to do was to collect my payment and be done with work for the day. I went into my bosses office and picked up my due, which was automatically added to the total in my menu. We no longer bothered with things like banks anymore and instead left everything to The Menu. Having collected my pay, it was no longer had a reason to be at work and so I fast traveled to the park.

It's relevant, I swear.

Upon arriving at the park, the first thing I noticed was how bright it was. It was, after all 4:00 on a sunny Florida day. I pulled up the menu and went to the configurations. I slid the brightness bar down to a more reasonable and eye friendly level and before closing The Menu, I selected my book from the items list. It was so convenient having everything I owned kept on hand within The Menu. It weighed nothing and I never had to worry about losing anything. I did notice that since I started using it I have been keeping a lot more random shit that serves no purpose but I keep around because I'm afraid I might need it later. Some time later I opened The Menu again to check my status. It was 6:30 and I was hungry again. I also noted that reading my book had raised my intelligence and I was close to the next level. Having some time, I decided to finish up the level until I had a masterful understanding of Machiavelli before fast traveling to the restaurant I had agreed to meet at.

Arriving at the restaurant, I met my girlfriend and added her into my party. While still in the menu, I changed in to something slightly more formal, as this was a fairly upscale restaurant.

I didn't bother checking the relationship status as I already knew it was going to reach the next level tonight. After sharing a romantic dinner, I paid for the meal and we fast traveled to get desert and enjoy it on the beach.

Just as I expected our relationship had leveled up to the point permitting the kinds of things that the catholic church considers unholy outside of marriage. We fast traveled to my apartment and wasted no time. I pulled up The Menu, went to equipment, and with the magic of the unequip all feature we were ready to go. After an exhausting go of it we finally settled down. I was really tired and didn't feel like talking. I knew it was a bad idea and that I might miss something important but it didn't matter to me at the moment. I went to The Menu one last time and navigated to the most handy feature it had. One Skip Cutscene later and I was happily dreaming.
Photo Photo Photo

[Disclaimer: This blog does not represent the views or opinions of Enkido as he exists in a sane state and he cannot be held responsible for the content expressed in this article. For real, the immortal commeth, and his emotions be as immovable as his unbeating heart. Also, cocks.]

Imagine this. I am comfortably laying on my couch, waiting for the oven to go off, signalling that the baked chicken I am making is ready, when a news report begins to air. Until now, the big news of the day has been the long overdue capping of the oil well in the Gulf of Mexico. It has been all good news so far. Then the familiar face of Brian Williams returns to the screen. The next statement eschewed from his mouth surprises me and I look up from my session of Persona 3 Portable to listen. The next words are those which send chills down my spine and freezes the blood in my veins.

Dick Cheney's heart has stopped beating... and he is still alive!

Yes that is correct, the former vice president and puppet master of the Bush administration does not have a pulse. Some would say that this is no surprise, and that many had assumed he had no heart to begin with, but this is different in that it is now not only figurative. All four of the major arteries leading to his black heart have been ceased to function. He is now survived by a machine, which circulates blood throughout his immortal yet frail corpse.

Apparently, this is his fifth heart attack, which is enough to frighten me to begin with. I may be ignorant, but I was taught that when one suffers a heart attack, one of the hearts four ventricles dies. A bypass can be preformed to circumvent the now dead muscle and keep a person alive. However, I had assumed that when a person suffered a heart attack it meant that some higher power meant that they no longer wished you to live. Humanity has been able to overcome this, and the gods, anticipating this ensured that after four such attempts the failsafe built into the human body would ensure their demise. Yet the archfiend continues his deathgrip on life after five such divine smiting attempts.

Now I don't know about the rest of you but this absolutely horrifies me. The man without a soul now requires not a heart as well. He has achieved immortality even in death. Now I used to play a tabletop game by the name of Warhammer 40,000, and this story has drawn a most terrifying parallel with the Emperor of Mankind, a man made immortal by the Golden Throne, an ancient machine that keeps his corpse alive while he rules over humanity as their ultimate master. Every day millions of humans are sacrificed to the Golden Throne so that the immobile corpse of the Emperor remains immortal. As if to further cement the similarities, Cheney is planned to have a heart transplant, which while seen as a normal medical practice in this age, must be seen for what it is. Another person had to die and donate their heart to ensure his survival. Huh...

For reference

The Immortal God Emperor of Humanity

For comparison

Dick Cheney

Here is a piece of writing describing the God Emperor... or Dick Cheney.

For more than a hundred centuries the Emperor has
sat immobile on the Golden Throne of Earth. He is
the master of Mankind by the will of the Gods and
master of a million worlds by the might of his
inexhaustible armies. He is a rotting carcass
writing invisibly with power from the Dark Age of
Technology. He is the Carrion Lord of the
Imperium for whom a thousand souls die every day,
for whom blood is drunk and flesh eaten. Human
blood and human flesh- the stuff of which the
Imperium is made.
Photo Photo Photo

[Disclaimer: This blog does not represent the views or opinions of Enkido as he exists in a sane state and he cannot be held responsible for the content expressed in this article. For real, he needs to stop procrastinating on these. Also, cocks.]

Journal, Day 1

Today is a very busy day for me. It is my thirteenth birthday. It isn't going to be like my other birthdays though. There won't be any friends, no presents, no games. Today is the day I venture alone into our world in chase of my dreams. I'm not sure why I have to, but it is something that all kids my age do in our world. I am awoken from my restless sleep by my mother who tells me what I already know. I dress myself with the slow certainty that accompanies any task taking place before an unavoidable responsibility. I eat a quick breakfast, the last with my mother, to whom I bid farewell upon departure. I never knew my father, whom I know nothing about, nor has my mother fretted over divulging the details. Regardless, I begin my entry into the world.

I am to meet the town patriarch. An intelligent man, a kind of zoologist and previously a collector of rare and exotic creatures, he was to be the one to send me on my way. Age has begun to collect its due and upon arrival I am forced to reintroduce myself. Before my journey can begin, he informs me that I must choose a companion. Though his collection of exotic animals has waned over the years, he offers me a choice of one of three companions who will accompany me on my journey. I look with anticipation upon the creatures that are offered me and eventually settle on a large lizard type animal. I am told that this creature is possessed of unflagging loyalty, and would be my faithful companion no matter my actions.

It is at this time that the grandson of the patriarch enters, for he is to start his journey today as well. We are close to the same age yet we have forever been antagonists, and this would not change on this day. Due to his age, I am yet again called upon to remind him of his own grandson's name. My peer is given the choice of the remaining two beasts and after observing my choice makes his choice, a strange turtle that walks on two legs. He suggests we compete, as he has many times before, to compare our choices.

After a short time the competition is decided in my favor, my rival storming off. I decide that having nothing left to attend to it was time for me to leave and make my way in this world. I leave the home of our patriarch and venture to the northern entrance to our town. In stark contrast to all inside the borders of our town, the trail leading away is unkempt, overgrown weeds and grass obscuring any discernible path. Unafraid, I take my first steps toward my new life.

Journal, Day 3
The world outside of my town is nothing as I expected. The overgrown paths shroud hidden dangers and beasts who attack without provocation. I find myself wondering why such a young person would be expected to make their own way in such a cruel and unforgiving world.

I have not eaten or slept since my travels began, for fear of ambush. I have already found use for my companion, whom has done well in protecting me from the beast so set upon taking advantage of the young prey that has stumbled into their world. Though he has gained in strength, it has not dissuaded any would be attackers. One thing is clear, if I am to last, I must find food.

Journal, Day 5
I ate well last night, the paths I wander have proven to be abundant with small rats and birds, whom my companion finds little challenge in defeating. I feel that if I can capture some of these other beasts, they may also be made to do my bidding. There is a town that I passed along my route, home to a specialty shop which sells a device promising such capabilities. The problem is I have little money and what little I have must be spared for food and water. My plan will have to wait for now.

Journal, Day 9
This day has informed me of yet another danger of the path I travel. There are those who wish to prey on the weak and unsuspecting who travel these routs carelessly. While traveling in the late afternoon, I found myself beset by another traveler. He would accept no conversation, choosing instead only to fight, I assume in order to deprive me of my things so that they may become his boon. My companion fought magnificently, defeating his weakling beasts. He being now defenseless, I set myself upon him before he could flee.

From him, I stole his purse containing a small but sufficient sum. Having this I allowed him to escape, knowing that with no protection, he would not last long. My companion had been injured in the exchange and I resolved to seek help. I returned to the outpost I had visited earlier on the route. There I was able to find care for my companion and the first restful nights sleep I have had since shunning my old life.

Journal, Day 18
I have added to my group of vassals. The money I received from my would be attacker, provided me with the funding I needed to purchase the device that would ensure the unquestioning loyalty of the beasts of this land. Since that time, I have managed, by means I do not proudly recall, to afford a number of these devices. To make use of them, the beasts must be captured. Once this is done, I become sole warden of their asylum and command their every action.

Among my group are one of the several small birds that can be found throughout the area, a kind of large worm with a horn atop its head which it used to inject venom into its prey, and a small rat with large teeth and a fierce disposition. I am presented with proof of the cruelty of this world almost daily. On these paths, I have found those items left behind by others. Though I do not want to, I have learned to assume the worst. I have a fleeting thought that perhaps this is what became of my father. The though is fleeting as there are far more important things to concern myself with. Still, the weakness of others works in my favor.

Journal, Day 27
I was attacked by another traveler again today. Before our fight was begun he asked me how I had come upon an item I had acquired, a kind of pin, which until his mentioning it I did not know I possessed. As it happened, he himself seemed to be the owner of such a pin as well. I told him I had found it in a set of clothes I had stolen from the campsite of another traveler. Upon hearing this, he attacked me. I was able to defeat him and capture him.

I decided to question my new prisoner as to the interest in my pin if he already had one. He told me that the pins were symbols, that they were given out by powerful beastmasters like ourselves who could prove their worth in a struggle against them. Upon hearing that I had found mine, he had assumed that I was weak and would fall easily. Knowing that he know knew the error of his decision, I deprived him of his things and left him to fend for himself in the wild.

He had given me a valuable piece of information though. In this world these pins represented power. Power ensured survival. I now resolve to defeat these beastmasters and take their symbols of power. I would defeat them all and in doing so ensure that none would challenge me. I would become the best and the most feared beast master in this godforsaken world. I would become the greatest master the world of Pokemon would ever see.

[Disclaimer: This blog does not represent the views or opinions of Enkido as he exists in a sane state and he cannot be held responsible for the content expressed in this article. For real, just feels like writing today. Also, cocks.]

I guess I'll start with something that has been bothering me for a couple days now. I have a bit of an axe to grind with Apple. The new iPhone 4 was released this past Thursday to great anticipation. As expected it sold gangbusters. However, it did not take long for users to start reporting problems, some of which are pretty serious in my view. The first complaint was yellow spots on the screens. From what I hear, this isn't an issue anymore. Something about the glue used on the glass not being dry yet. Still that seems like something you would want to make sure of before you ship it.

The bigger problem seems to be the antenna on the phone causing signal problems. In the iPhone 4 it seems that the antenna is incorporated into the case design. Steve Jobs called it "brilliant design" during the annual Apple conference, and some have called it a "work of genius." Now I have been considering getting a smartphone for a little while now. When it comes to things like this I like to do a little research. I have never been a fan of Apple (I have never owned an iAnything and I'm really not a fan of closed systems, no matter the benefits), but it is impossible to ignore the success the iPhone has had in the market. As it seems to be the phone to beat, it made sense that I look into it when deciding on one.

I was not about to go out and get a 3GS though. No, I decided to wait until Jobs unveiled the newest edition, and see what the launch brought. In the case of the iPhone 4 it seems it brought problems. From what I hear this is somewhat typical, and the problems are usually ironed out in short order, so I wasn't really ready to discredit them yet. Then I heard Apple's response to the problems.

It seems that if you hold the phone a certain way, you bridge the gap between two antennas and lose signal. In my mind, that is a serious design flaw and also a deal breaking issue. Of all the things I could possibly want a phone to do, it would be to make calls when I need it to. I don't care if it cures cancer or brings peace to the middle east, I want my phone to be able to make calls first and foremost. You can ask my last phone, which due to failing me when I needed to call for a tow truck, now lays crushed into dust somewhere on I-95.

Now when reports started coming in of issues with the phone dropping calls and losing signal, Apple was quick to respond. Wait, let me get this strait, your response is basically to tell the consumer to not hold it that way. WHAT! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! Seriously, I don't care how good the design looks, if it can not do the one thing it was primarily meant to do then it is bad design. And your other suggestion, "buy a case," NO, I shouldn't have to. Good design means that it does what it is supposed to no matter what conditions it is put under. I want to be able to do anything short of firing it out of a cannon and still make calls, not to be crippled because I like to hold it a certain way, and I most certainly should not be required to buy another product so that your previous one works. It doesn't work like that.

Form DOES NOT trump function.

Part of this may be my background. I want to be an engineer. I am currently interning at a plant where the manufacture jet engine parts. When we design something it has to work. There can be no mistakes because peoples lives are at stake. We work under the strictest quality regulations in the aerospace industry and shit like the iPhone 4 launch literally does not fly. Also, you can't just shrug off mistakes like that and pass it off on others. If you mess up and people get hurt you as the engineer are not only liable, but can be incarcerated for it. I realize that this is not quite as serious as jet engines, but when you pass good form off as good design, I at least will dismiss you without second thought.

I'm glad that I decided to watch the iPhone 4 launch before deciding. I don't know how they play on fixing it if at all or if more problems have popped up since I last checked Friday, but I can now say regardless, I won't be getting an iPhone. As a side not, since the launch I have been getting really spotty connection on AT&T. Just a thought. That's enough venting for now.

Speaking of axes and grinding, NEW GUITAR GET!

Look at that, my God is it a good looking piece of musical equipment. It is a '97 Gibson SG. I've been slacking recently when it comes to practicing guitar because of all the other stuff going on in life and I was looking for a reason to get back into it. I am proud to announce that I found it. One of my co-workers brought it in Friday and was selling it for $400. That was a great price for this guitar, and it is in absolutely great shape. I have been playing the hell out of it since I got off work Friday at just about every opportunity I get.

I also, saw Toy Story 3 with a friend of mine. My opinion, go see it. I love Pixar's stories because of the way that they can appeal to everyone. While Toy Story 3 is in my view a more child focused affair, there are plenty of mature themes and references that older viewers will be able to enjoy. Pixar has definitely managed to keep their imaginations in tact for this. It really doesn't disappoint and there were a couple times where the movie really talks to the viewer. It even has a Stevil reference.

Speaking of said friend, after the movie, she and I ended up having a few drinks together. Nothing substantial, just had to finish up the last quarter of a bottle of rum before my parents get back from their cruise, barely enough to get tipsy. Long story short we ended up in my bed and we talked until near daybreak. It was really enjoyable actually. We ended up falling asleep together until sunrise. Now I'm a bit confused, and I don't know exactly where that puts us. Making things more complicated is the fact that she is fleeing the country in less than two months, which means either one of two things. She found out about the others, or she is serious about that foreign exchange thing she was talking about. Regardless, seems like I'm just going to have to go with it and see where it leads, if anywhere.

The A/C at my house is broken. This sucks. It is the middle of a humid Florida summer here and the thermostat is reporting a temperature of 84 degrees inside my house. Fortunately for me, I have a window mounted A/C in my room. Not so lucky for my siblings.

Lately, I have had a couple of new bands pounding around the inside of my skull. Some of them are Arcade Fire (and one more), Beirut (and another, ok, I'm done), and Fleet Foxes, whose name I love.

I really enjoyed the Jimquisition. It seems like something I could really get into. I like the Sundays with Sagat feature and hope that continues, but this seems like something more serious that would make a good substitute for Rev Rants. Also, sunglasses.
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8:17 PM on 06.24.2010

[Disclaimer: This blog does not represent the views or opinions of Enkido as he exists in a sane state and he cannot be held responsible for the content expressed in this article. For real, he found a blog title that summons Nintendo fanboys, pray he can placate them. Also, cocks.]

WAIT! Don't hurt me.

Those of you who pay attention to my occasional ramblings may remember that I was quite enamored with Nintendo's press conference at E3 this year. This raises the question, why would I sell my Wii? If Nintendo did so well at E3 it would seem contradictory to sell the console that would allow me to play any of the marvelous games Nintendo announced during the event. Was I crazy? Probably, but that is beside the point. What happens if you give a mouse a cookie? Am I a terrible person? If well endowed women work at Hooters, do one legged people work at IHOP? Does that last question answer the one before it? Is Xzyliac a girl? Are any of the questions relevant?

I don't know about any of that stuff up there, but I do know that I recently sold my Wii. Gamestop had a thing going on where if you traded in a game console you got an extra $25 store credit. The trade in value for a Wii is $70 store credit, so with the promotion, I got $95 store credit for it. What did I put it all towards?


Confusing right.

Allow me to explain. I am now the proud owner of a brand new black Wii. Your probably thinking that a new Wii system costs $200 dollars, and you would be correct. Now your probably wondering how I managed to get Gamestop to give me a good price on it, I didn't. Now your probably wondering if I am crazy enough to spend over $100 on a console color change. Yes and no.

The thing is my old Wii had a slight overheating problem. During intensive gameplay such as the challenge fights in Okami, or the fights in No More Heroes, and other such games, my Wii would overheat and shut itself down. This tended to happen during marathon gaming sessions, but when it was given a break every two hours or so it still performed admirably. Still I intend to do a lot of gaming on the Wii in the future if Nintendo's line up has anything to say about it. But I actually got more than just a dependable console in a sexy new color.

Nintendo has been adding value to the Wii console for about four years now. This means that when I got my new Wii not only did I get the console, but a number of extra goodies as well.

Hey look stuff:

Black Wiimote with nun-chuck and Wii motion plus

Sadly I had to trade in a controller with my console to get the credit so I didn't get an extra controller out of the deal, just a different colored one. I did however, get Wii motion plus, which I did not have before. I know it took me forever to get it.

Wii Sports and Wii Sports Resort

I already had Wii Sports, so now I have 2 copies, but I did get Wii Sports Resort, which I didn't have before. If you buy Wii Sports Resort, it comes with Wii Motion Plus for $50, that helped to justify the purchase a bit. But that isn't all.

Wii condoms

In case those girls over there want to play with my Wii. You can never be too safe. I didn't have any of these before either and the console came with two, one for my new black Wiimote with Wii Motion Plus, and another one for the Wiimote that isn't "enhanced" with Wii Motion "Plus" (the innuendo is palpable). They usually cost about $10 each so got a bit of value out of those too.

Twist ties

Any one who has ever set up a home theater system knows how absolutely indispensable these are. They are the greatest invention ever for holding wires together. This really helps with the sensor bar, which Nintendo decided to make like 30 feet long for no apparent reason. The value of these? Priceless.


Good golly. Nintendo must really want you to know about their stuff. This all probably weighed more than the console did. What it's worth? The power of knowledge.

This thing

What is it? Is it some type of Wii augmentation device that allows the Wii to play HD? Does it solve world hunger? For now I am not going to mess with it for fear of causing the sun's implosion or some other like catastrophe. I had one of these before but I don't know what I did with it, I pray that it has not fallen into evil hands. In fact I think I have an idea for the next Uncharted.

So yeah, I got a sexy new black Wii that looks much better in my entertainment system with no overheating problems as of yet for around $30 if you take out my credit for my old one and add the stuff that I got with my new one. Not a bad deal in my view, plus I managed to keep the Nintendo fans from flaying me, I hope.

Only jerks would point out that SteezyXL kind of beat me to this, but damn it I already had the pictures taken. Also, bleh two picture heavy blogs in a row. Feels like I'm sacking. Still got a bunch of ideas for blogs buzzing around my head like angry electric razors because of E3. I will redeem myself.
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