A Homecoming and Other Such Nonsense (NVGR)

[Disclaimer: This blog does not represent the views or opinions of Enkido as he exists in a sane state and he cannot be held responsible for the content expressed in this article. For real, I love you all. Also, cocks.]



So, some of you may have noticed that I have recently returned from the dead and begun to rejoin the community. It seems that this development has been met with more jubilation than calls for my slow, painful flaying, so I'm gonna call that a win. It is good to know that even on the internet when someone from a close community like ours goes missing that people take notice. Also of comfort was receiving this from Beyamor during my reintegration:



Which then became this:


Quick to riposte, this was produced:


Ending with this:


The moral of the story? It is good to know that the madness will never end.

Well speaking of noticing things, exactly one year ago today I decided to become a part of this loud, vulgar, stubborn, but above all passionate community that is Destructoid. It seems that such an occasion calls for an apology, but instead you guys are going to have to settle for an explanation. So for those interested, I present for your cruel enjoyment my Destructiod origin story.

First of all, I could not tell you what the first story I read on Destructoid was, who wrote it, or how I came across it. I can guess that I happened upon it through the technology section of Google News, where I get most of my information about the goings on of the world around us. I got most of my news from the sites that were better established because that is what was delivered. You can guess the usual, Kotaku, IGN, etc. I can't say that stumbling over Destructoid was a religious experience either. More than likely, it was just well written and entertaining enough to pique my interest and I started looking for the name in the various stories delivered to me. When the name cropped up I took notice and soon found myself poking around in places I aught not be poking around. I soon found myself looking at an article with a curious disclaimer, something about being written by a member of the community. Again, I don't remember which article it was or who wrote it, but the idea of a site offering a place for one to spew their blasphemies was genuinely interesting to me, and so I happened upon the c-blogs.


Like this, but with much less direction and MUCH less divinity.

If ever there was a religious moment to be had for me on Destructiod that was it. The community here had life. It had intelligent people that didn't take themselves to seriously, it had good writers, bad writers, schizophrenics, geniuses, heathens, saints, jackasses, comedians, and all manner of all other things and they all shared a passion for the same thing and were not afraid to express it. It was immediately evident, you people were all nuts, and I was sold. I lurked just long enough to learn that it was a good idea to do an intro post.

I know what your thinking, "great glutes of Godfried you had long hair back then!" Yes, yes I did. Also, looking at it now that corner of my room seems to have been in some kind of time anomaly, as it has not changed since the taking of that photograph at least one year ago. Anyway, I was greeted by an upstanding group of members who made a very compelling argument of why I should run away and never look back. As you all know I am very bad at taking a hint and so here we stand one year later. Thus ends my origin story.


For further reading, see this.

Needless to say it didn't end there. I enjoy writing almost as much as I enjoy having an audience. As such the writing spewed fourth from my fingers like the vomit of a thousand binging sorority girls. I would like to share some of my favorites with you as well as some other moments of special note I don't mind reliving.

One of the things that immediately made Destructoid stand out was that they promoted the writings of their community members. As you can imagine my first(and as of now only) front page article was kind of a big deal for me. As it says in the blog, it is based of another front paged story by Beyamor, who, apart from being a person I genuinely enjoy holding conversation with, is a great muse for some of my finest work (see above Hamsanta madness).

I wrote a lot, but I enjoyed writing some more than others. These are my some of my favorite:
Pertaining to a Galeria of the Arachis Hypogaea variety.
It sells well.
I think I had the most fun with this one.
By far the article I spent the most time on.
Imagining the Utlimate Tool

Now before you all accuse me of being some kind of self whoring spam bot here are a few other moments(no particular order) in my Destructoid career that have stood out:
The fourth anniversary of Destructoid, hooray! Keep it classy.

Receiving my Decoder Ring from Occams Electric Toothbrush, now proudly displayed in my sidebar -------->(somewhere that way).

Friday Night Fights. Of special recognition, Elsa and the MAG group, as well as the ardent Fighting game enthusiasts that tried to teach me how to not suck so bad. Lord knows their quest was arduous.

My Destructoid C-blog Interview, conducted by Law of Thermal Dynamics(technically not whoring, it's on his blog).

New Destructoid, lots of confusion.

Occasional fumbling in the forums. That place is terrifying, but I enjoy myself every time I build up enough insanity to venture where there be dragons.

Holding intelligent debate on the internet with a group of incredibly passionate people. Take that laws of discord!



That about ends it for what I have to say about my first year here. It's been a hoot the entire time. I know there are some of you that I didn't mention and I apologize for that, but there are so many amazing people here that there is no way I could have covered all of you. Also, if you are reading this and I haven't met you, STOP LURKING! I hope that you enjoyed reading as this was for all of you out there in the community. I understand if you want to call it quits here as this blog has already done a running swan dive over the cliff of the TLDR threshold, but if you want to stick around I have a couple more things I want to say.


I will be in one of these one day.

On to the less important stuff. Oddly enough, my one year anniversary on Destructoid coincides with my Birthday, a fact I attribute to heavy drinking during the festivities. This marks my 21st year on this earth and my entry into the realm of tavern regular, happy times. As you may be able to guess by the (hopefully) organized layout of this blog, I haven't started into it full force, but I have managed to procure a bottle of champagne to share with a lady friend and a bottle of Jack Daniels for myself. Also planned is a four day party for both my birthday and new years, courtesy of my friends, who are all awesome.

Speaking of awesome people, I was informed today that I had received a suspect parcel in the mail.


I will be surprised if it doesn't kill me.

As you can see it was delivered at the behest of a Mr. Andy Dixon.
I immediately recalled, as I am sure that all of you do, the contest he held not more than five months ago, where I was fortunate enough to win one of his fantastical prizes. Being the paragon of responsibility and punctuality that he is, I am certain he set out immediately from his rock candy castle in Candyland on an arduous quest to hand deliver it to my residence himself. I must say I admire his resolve, as the kingdom of Candyland has become a much more dangerous place since heroine was introduced, and wish to express my sincere gratitude for making it just in time for my birthday.
And now, onto the spoils.


Not all of us can be winners, sorry.

That all I got, keep being awesome.