So... if you met me at a party would you walk up and hand me a picture of lesbian porn? I don't really care if you're female, or if you're gay, but you might want to introduce yourself first and say "hi", before giving me the lesbian porn pictures. You might want to see if we even speak the same language before deciding that you want to be my friend. I'm not even sure what "tu vue de littel devien" means and google translate apparently doesn't know either! I learned what "guapa" means... apparently it's "beautiful" in Spanish according to the Internet. It's nice to get a message that just says "beautiful"... but are you referring to me?... or the manner in which I just killed you with that totally awesome headshot??
Life used to be so simple. I was allowed to have 100 friends and no one else could send me a friend invite once I had those 100 friends. You had to write a note asking me to dump one of my friends so that I could add you as a friend or so that you could even send me a friend invite - and when asking me to dump one of my very good buddies or carefully selected friends, you might want to make a better argument than "dump one of your loser buddies so you can add me
" - especially when I have no idea who you actually are (and by adding you, don't you automatically become one of my "loser buddies"?) The thing is... I didn't get flooded with buddy invites because people essentially got a "your call cannot be completed as dialed" message when they random dialed my number and went into telemarketing 101 mode to spam people with buddy invites. Unfortunately, since the expansion to 2000 friends on our buddy lists, I get lots of buddy invites, and I have no idea who these people are! I kind of wish we could turn off buddy invites, and have the option to send buddy invites only, rather than receive them. I think if people had to actually introduce themselves first and had to ask for a buddy invite, then I wouldn't constantly have unanswered mail in my PSN inbox. Since the expansion to 2000 friends, I can count approximately 192 invites that I've received, on top of the 100 friends I currently have. My app shows 81 current friend requests, so I guess that's 81 of that 192 people still hanging in there awaiting a response... which is likely never forthcoming because I really hate rejecting people when I have no idea who they are.
So what's the etiquette for sending buddy invites?
1. You have space on the buddy invite to type a short note. Say where you know the me from... was it a game where you met me? did you like my blog?, do we have a mutual friend? Did I accidentally teamkill you and you thought it was nice that I apologized? Do I know you from Destructoid by another name??
2. Don't send porn... wait until I get to know you better first. Interestingly, most of the porn or pics I currently have are from female gamers.... though I have to wonder a bit if there is a new trend in males pretending to be lesbians in order to harass females without the specter of misogynistic male harassment of women being added to their resume. Who knows, maybe they truly are lesbians looking to get it on with a heterosexual, happily married, 52 year old woman... but honestly, they can do better! For that guy, the one who sent his dickpics... do know that I printed them off, had tea with my friends, and we all pointed and laughed. Thanks for a good giggle!
Yup... actual lesbian porn pic and I had to bandage out the naughty word for the minors!
3. "Language" - yeah, it's noted on my profile as English. I probably don't understand Spanish or German or French or that language you made up with your best friend in Kindergarten. It's nice that you still want to be my friend, but chances are that the best you're going to get is that little jump and dance I did to express my thanks when you revived me when I died in that game. It's just going to be too difficult to be friends if we don't speak the same language... at all.
I hope this doesn't say anything nasty!
4. Don't confuse me with someone else. I recently got a lot of "please give me hack!" (well, actually this person apparently needs a "how to spell" hack because it was "plisssssgivemehac") and a "men you are a big hacker ilove you". I don't hack... I'm a 52 year old gray haired lady who doesn't give a shit if I win or lose a game and I detest hackers. Maybe you think I'm THIS Elsa
? No, I'm not. I'm also not "Elsa" from the movie Frozen... I haven't even seen the movie yet. I tried to watch it, and I understand it's really good... but frankly, I fell asleep and it didn't grab my attention, so until it shows up on TV while I'm playing a word game on my iPod, I'll likely never see it and you can quit referencing how much you liked the movie in your buddy invite... cause I'm not that Elsa.
5. Don't send me pictures of yourself until I know you. I won't post them, because most of them are of very nice 12-14 year old boys who just want to say hi and will I be their friend. Where are their parents? Why aren't their parents telling them not to send random pictures of themselves to strangers on the Internet? I could be a hairy 35 year old male pedophile! What if I responded and asked where they lived or what school they go to... with that picture of them, I'm all set for a snatch and grab. Yes, most people they'll meet on the Internet are very nice 52 year old, happily married ladies who won't publicly post their pictures or kidnapped them as slave labour... but there are bad people out there too.... and those are the one's who will seem really nice and ask lots of questions and want to be your friend. Honestly, if you're under 16, DON'T SEND STRANGERS YOUR PICTURE. I would assume that the PS4 also prevents minors from using the "real name" option.
6. Speaking of that "real name" option - no, you will never likely get to know my real name. First of all, I actually prefer to be called "Elsa". Much of my social life is now gaming related and I'm actually more comfortable with my PSN name than I am with my real name (which is similar, but not the same). Secondly, I honestly think that the use of real names in gaming is eventually going to lead to a law suit. With someone's real name and city, it's not all that hard to get their address, their phone number, their work location... it's really just asking for trouble and a knock at the door from that psychotic person you teabagged.
Do I want this person turning up at my front door?... or calling my husband?
7. Don't tell me your deepest, darkest secrets. "I'm at the point where I feel threatened when..." also, don't leave me hanging if you ARE going to spill your guts. I really can't help but try to fill in the blanks... you feel threatened when... what, when your mom makes you give her sponge baths?, when that creepy teacher wants to meet you in the back of the comic book shop for extra math tutoring?, or do you feel threatened when I yelled at you then teamkilled you because you were being a dick?... if so, sorry about that... sort of. I don't want to harm your delicate psyche or anything... but you do know where that mute button is - right? I still recall the PSN note conversation with that young boy who was devastated by a female gamer who dumped him from her buddy list and wouldn't respond to his notes... I recall I used the word "stalking" a lot and hopefully he finally did talk to his mom about why women will pretend to be your friend and like you... only to dump you, yank out your heart, crush it on the ground then walk away and ignore you.
8. I'll at least read most any buddy invite that has a message "hi I'm asshatcommenter [or insert Dtoid name] from Destructoid! I like to play Defiance, COD, and Warhawk so if you play any of those games, add me". I'll respond and likely add you. Of course, several months later I'll be looking at your name and likely wondering who the hell you are, but at least I'll know there had to be a reason I accepted your buddy invite, and who knows... maybe we'll be in a Dtoid FNF game at some point!
2000 friends! I often used to wish that there was more room on my buddy list for fun people I met in online games but didn't know if I would play online with them regularly or not, so didn't add them. However, now that the expanded buddy list is here, I don't know what to do with it. I'm sure that Sony will eventually get their ass in gear and provide us with folders, sorting/search options and the ability to prioritize our friends (like we do in real life)... but until then, I guess I'll keep getting random buddy invites and unfortunately I'll tend to regard most of them as unsolicited spam - though at least you're not trying to sell me weight loss pills, viagra... or telling me I won the Burmundi lottery (though I could also do without the "if you send this to only 50 more people, Sony will give you money... fact is, no... Sony won't).
I was rather hoping that Sony might announce something at E3 to resolve this issue... but I guess I'm going to have to either continue to ignore the spam friend invites or accept them all and hope I get to 2000 and give up any hope of finding my actual friends in that list. So is it just me or is everyone having this issue? Are you getting daily friend invites from random people and wondering who the hell they are? How are you dealing with it... are you callously rejecting them all, letting them sit there as a huge pile of ignored/unanswered invites or are you accepting them all (and if so, how are you dealing with the massive friends list??)