Can you imagine what it would be like to wake up every morning to that voice? It would provide all the motivation I need to make it to the next day. Plus, I just really want to know if his codename has any significance in the bedroom, not that I'm gay, and not that there's anything wrong with that. Uh, I think I may have said too much and it's high time I got to the point of this post.

GameTrailers has a new Bonus Round up, and while I usually don't care too much for the show, aside from a few interesting episodes, the latest one has certainly piqued my interest as it stars the one, the only, David Hayter.

For those of you who don't want to sift through GT's site (and who can really blame you?), you can get to the video here.

As always, David Hayter is funny and awesome and continues to have the best voice ever. Not only that, he just continues to look more and more like Snake every time I see him. But wait, I detect a problem in this little feature...



What is with these guys taking time away from David Hayter's mellifluously dulcet tones and their invasion of my ear canal? Who the hell do they think they are?! Luckily, I know how they can improve things for the next part in this series.

First of all we have N'Gai Croal. This guy thinks far too much of himself and can't seem to stop putting his foot in his mouth. Not only that, but so far the only black guy in MGS4 seems to be a weapon dealing pimp, so nothing good can come from N'Gai's commentary. Besides that, I don't like having to use two apostrophes to denote possession with anyone's name, so N'Gai needs to go.

Next we have Rob Smith, the lucky bastard who has been able to play MGS4 all the way through more than once already. That right there is grounds to despise him, but am I correct in remembering that he used to be the Editor in Chief for the Official XBox Magazine? And now he's Editor in Chief for the Official Playstation Magazine? This reeks of foul play to me as I suspect he murdered the previous Chief so that he could get his grubby little mitts on MGS4 before anyone else, the bastard. Oh, and he's bald; get rid of him.

Finally there's Geoff Keighley. Who is this guy again? Oh yeah, he's the host. Aside from presenting flimsily impotent arguments for sci-fi lesbian simulators (which I am all for) to right-wing nutbags, he likes to spend his days not letting the voice of Solid Snake do all the talking for his show. This is unforgivable and displays poor judgment for a host, so he's gone as well.

Now naturally David Hayter can't be the only one on the show; somehow that wouldn't feel right, so the solution can't simply be to get rid of everyone else. Rather, I feel that the best solution would be to replace them with speakers who are actually engaging and would have something meaningful to say, such as quotes from the MGS games!



I can already see the possibilities!

You have Cam Clarke as the host of the show, only dressed as Master Miller as hosts should always wear sunglasses. Cam Clarke would constantly refer to Hayter as brother and hilarity would ensue. Also, he should fly into the studio on a Hind D. That would be ideal.

Next we have Paul Eiding, the voice of Roy Campbell. He would be able to provide us with valuable insight as to the government conspiracies the games are so rife with, him being a high ranking member of the military. As a bonus, near the end of the show he would start having seizures and spouting nonsense; it would be great!

Then there's Christopher Randolf, voice of Otacon. He wouldn't do much. He would sort of just be there, behind Hayter, providing moral support during the proceedings. Oh, and he would piss himself at some point.

Obviously the old guy would be replaced with Patrick Zimmerman, who does Revolver Ocelot. What would be great about him is not only he would constantly say things like, "They call me Revolver... Ocelot." we would also be able to experience some much needed drama between him and the host. There's gotta be some bad blood there what with Liquid's arm possessing him and him taking away Liquid's speaking role.

I almost forgot. David Hayter would still be there, of course.

So what do you think of my recast? Pretty awesome isn't it? Also, am I the only one who wants David Hayter to start doing audio books?