Eaten by a Grue's Profile - Destructoid

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Steam: 1UpYours ProperHardcore

Systems I own:
Nintendo 64
Nintendo Wii
Nintendo DS
Game Boy Advance
Game Boy Color
A crappy PC

Some stuff about me:
To start off with, my very first video game was Madden '97 for the PSX, (Samit Sarkar, you are welcome). I was about 4-years old when I would play the game for a couple of quick matches with my Dad. Everything interested me. To the way I could press triangle when I made a touchdown (which happened rarely, thanks to my lacking gaming skills), to running towards my endzone just to see what would happen. Also, it was fun to play with someone and have that interaction. Other than that, I had a Super Demo disc, that contained different demos of about 100 different games, and watching my Dad play Duke Nukem and Unreal Tournament. I also got my first Game Boy, and my first game: Space Invaders.

Well, when I was five, I was sent to a foster home by Child Protection Services. At the foster home, my love for video games grew even stronger. It was there I was introduced to the NES, Super NES, and N64. Of course, being 5 years old, the part of Mario 64 where the Princess Peach picture turns into Bowser sacred the ever-living shit out of me, but I was fine with Turok and other "bloody" games.

I also was introduced to the platformer and the RPG there. Some girls that helped with the foster home would occasionally bring the SNES out and we would play Super Mario World or Final Fantasy with me. I also went to other houses with people and I would get even more exposure to the PC world of gaming.

At around 6 years-old, I started to live with my new parents, who I love and appreciate. However, coming here was a big shock for me. Though my new brother had an N64, and we played Goldeneye like nothing else, my parents weren't too convinced about video games.

Until very recently, I was the socially awkward kid who had trouble making friends at school and fitting in. As a result of this, I got a GameCube and played a lot of single-player games. Favorites include Super Mario Sunshine and OMG IT'S POKEMON! Because I didn't do very well in the social aspect of school, my parents grew even more apprehensive than ever. And then the final nail in the coffin was hammered:

I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome.

It doesn't seem like a big deal, but to my parents, they were rushing for answers and support groups. and of course, every therapist I talked to believed video games were the cause. I didn't believe it. I got my video games put away for a half year! But all that came to pass and many struggles later, I got everything back.

After that fiasco, I met my first friend, united by a shared love of video games. He let me borrow 2 games: Counter-Strike and Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes. The Twin Snakes was the best. So many great moments. Gameplay I've never even experienced before. And Psycho Mantis. He shook my conscious like a baby shakes a rattle.

Counter-Strike was by far my oddest experience. Here I was, not even in my teens yet, and I'm getting subjected to constant homophobic threats, racism, and cuss words, all placed upon a background of guns and blood. I think that was what ruined my innocence.

Yet, through the discovery of Counter-Strike, I also discovered the internet. How amazing it was! So many games! So much to learn! And all the time in the world to do it! It changed my life.

So, recently, I've been reconnecting with the games I knew from my childhood: Duke Nukem, Metal Gear Solid, Super Mario Bros. I just want to know what is was like when I was young and ignorant. I think I still have that old copy of Space Inavders.

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SUMMARY: I am a varied and exploratory gamer. I'm a male high schooler. I was born with a controller in my hand. I actually know shit about games. Yes, I still love Pokemon.
Following (11)  

No for srs. I was kind of joking the second time I did the blog, but the first time I was confused why people wanted it to blow their minds. Anyways, it will go up sometime tommorow. And no, it probably not blow your mind.

Anyways, I've been busy doing stuff at robotics competitions for my team so I'll just give you a quick rundown of the whole damn thing, because you say you don't care but you will read it anyways.

6:00 - Wake up
7:00 - Go to school, get in bus, wait for teacher to come back and take us to competition; rock the bus anytime someone comes by
8:00 - Get there, eat breakfast
12:00 - Lunch
2:00 - Get ready to get second to last place in arena
5:00 - Get second to last place in arena
6:00 - ???????
6:30 - Derp.
6:31 - Herp Derp.
8:00 - Go home; bang head to "What is Love?"

I probably deserve this:
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I'm mainly making this specifically to piss off the Recap people that want my kind off of the Earth.

So yeah. I'm doing shit until Sunday. So get ready to get your minds blown on Sunday.

[vague hint]

[/vague hint]
2010.3.14! BE THERE!

I'm working on a new blog. Soon, eventually. It will make you laugh and think about things.

Yeah, I'm just going to follow the monthly musing, like everyone else. Damn, I wish I could be original.

Before I begin, let me just say that I AM THE EXACT TYPE OF PERSON THAT EVERYBODY ON DESTRUCTOID THINKS IS MOST LIKELY GOING TO FALL INTO THE SO-CALLED "SEX-TRAP." I am a 14-year-old, hormonal teenager who is socially awkward and has very little chance of getting laid unless he hires a hooker. And for that, let's throw in the fact that in the odd case I do get married or get a girlfriend, it would be a casual girlfriend, as no girl could possibly like me for the crazy, mildly-autistic, unfunny person I am.


And yes, the constant school pressure, my own social inability and THE TEENAGE ANGST THAT MUST BE DESTROYED AT ALL COSTS is making me slowly go crazy...every...second.

And you know for the most part, the "trap" is working. And for the most part, I really could care less.

It seems that as companies have tried and tried again to use sex the move copies off of the shelf, we have been trying to find a compromise between allowing us to see some god damned titties and trying to look like we still care about "Games as Art." Hypocrites.

Either way, you know, I really don't care. And here's why:


At this point, you are probably just thinking about how much of a terrible writer I am. But in the end, Who cares about sex? Sure, I like to be turned on by the occasional glimpse of boobs, but hell, does that really affect the game? I mean, I like to see it as "icing on the cake" (bad metaphor, I know), but never considered buying a game for it's sexual content. That's what the internet is for! If other people want to buy a game for boobs (COUGH*Saboteur*COUGH) than let them do that, but it doesn't affect me.

And also, on the subject of using sex as a storytelling device, GO RIGHT A-FUCKING-HEAD! See what I did there? I made a "head" joke without you noticing. Witty, arent' I?


Okay, I know at this point, you guys don't care, but it seems like no one has a moderate voice anymore. I'm a 60-year-old experienced mind inside of a body that is still affected by hormones and angst, and I have to deal with the annoying extremes teenagers put themselves through, and when I see extremes here, it just makes me want to leave. I try to be as logical as possible without ruining everyone's fun.

And yet, all I can think about is how much I want to have a girlfriend and how much I want to play TF2.

I'm really sorry I put you through this unorganized, depressed mess.

Herp derp derp.
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So, the future? It's important, right? I mean, the game industry is dying and we will have no other way to entertain ourselves if it does? What about awards? Those are important, right? When will we now what a good game is if we didn't have awards. Dear God we had to use our own opinions on games!


It's quite simple, really:

Oh, and by the way, if PC gaming is dying, what's with the recent resurgence of Steamtoid? We even have our own pdocast for Christ's Sake.


I'll have more random fucking fail shit like this in the future while I don't have time to write real blogs. Suck it, C-Blog elitists!
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Hello. I want to try something today that isn't so spontaneous and random like last time. I'm sure it will completely fail, but I'll give it a shot. And if anyone has seen that Wal-Mart ad, the one where the father is all like "I'm getting a Wii for my family this Christmas and all of that bullshit. We have fun time even though half of my children look adopted! Plus, people actually play this shit you call the "Fitness Game." You know, fuck it, I'll link to the video. You guys like that shit, right? The videos and the pictures and the music and all that bullshit?

Fuck this bullshit. That never happens.

So yeah, here comes the "FUCK YOU CASUAL GAMERS ARE REAL CREDIT TO INDUSTRY U FUCKING SUCK NINTENDO HATER I'LL KILL YOU!" Slow down there, Little Jimmy_pwn256, if that is your real username. Before we go any further, let's calm down and think. I own a Wii. I have pretty much every single console and if I don't own it I have at least been around it. Super Mario Galaxy is one of my favorite games, and I think that people who say that 3-D Mario controls are awkward need to get their heads out of their Game Boy Advances to stop playing Super Mario Bros. 3 and actually try playing a little SMG.



So anyway, back to topic. My main problem is that I haven't seen or heard of anyone who has done anything even close to how Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sony like to market video games. In fact, as far as my childhood goes, my parents were unteacheable. They couldn't understand shit about shit, saying it was too confusing and difficult to memorize so many actions within a game. Yeah, well I didn't know shit about the kind of bullshit that Intel blindly throws out every year when I was 12, but now I know more than my own Dad, who works at Intel and just recently grasped the concept of the new i7 Core processors that Intel has been promoting like Microsoft after 9/11. And to be honest, I liked my parents not knowing anything. It kept them from getting into my business. Of course, now they know more shit because I was naive when I was younger and tried to get them to understand more about games.


Okay, I said shit 5 times, I think I'm vented now.

Anyways, my problem is that, besides the one or two of my teachers that own a Wii and have Wii Sports and Wii Fit, there is no one I know who has that kind of family. The closest my family ever got to was one round of every fucking Wii Sports game (And also, to digress again, maybe if you didn't have any knowledge of video games before, but if there is a big flashing "A" at the bottom of the screen, and I've told you about 100 times that "A" means fucking go fucking forward, why does that not get through your thick skull of yours?). But after that, it garnered no interest. My family didn't care, nor couldn't understand why anyone would want more games than Wii Sports. Of course, I have a Dad who thinks the capitalist system is prefectly fine as it is and it's only problem is lack of national healthcare and that it's perfectly fine for companies to overcharge for menial technology.

So, now that I've totally confused you and you probably are going to go ahead and comment about how shitty this piece of a melted cow shit bomb is, my point is this:

The reason I hate the idea of family movies/games and casual games is because the kind of ideal that family movies/games force on us simply does not exist. It has never existed. Have you looked at any old movies that show a young British family in the 50's or 60's? The Mom and Dad are reading a a book, in their own room, by themselves, the boy is building his motherfucking tower with Lincoln Logs, by himself, in his own room, and the sister is being a bitch and playing with her god damn Barbie dolls, because we all know that women in the 50's can't think right? Right?

Well, it looks like this blog is headed for the dumpster again. God dammit. I can't do shit right if I try.
And yes, you can barely see it, but the header image is half of the edit from a much better blog on the topic, made about a year ago from Cowzilla3. The link is here:

So, yeah. How was your day? Anyone wants to talk to me I'll be in the forums, most likely the Bar.
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