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Eaten by a Grue's blog

8:11 PM on 03.13.2010


No for srs. I was kind of joking the second time I did the blog, but the first time I was confused why people wanted it to blow their minds. Anyways, it will go up sometime tommorow. And no, it probably not blow your mind.

Anyways, I've been busy doing stuff at robotics competitions for my team so I'll just give you a quick rundown of the whole damn thing, because you say you don't care but you will read it anyways.

6:00 - Wake up
7:00 - Go to school, get in bus, wait for teacher to come back and take us to competition; rock the bus anytime someone comes by
8:00 - Get there, eat breakfast
12:00 - Lunch
2:00 - Get ready to get second to last place in arena
5:00 - Get second to last place in arena
6:00 - ???????
6:30 - Derp.
6:31 - Herp Derp.
8:00 - Go home; bang head to "What is Love?"

I probably deserve this:

10:58 PM on 03.10.2010


I'm mainly making this specifically to piss off the Recap people that want my kind off of the Earth.

So yeah. I'm doing shit until Sunday. So get ready to get your minds blown on Sunday.

[vague hint]

[/vague hint]
2010.3.14! BE THERE!   read

10:33 PM on 03.09.2010

shortblogfailblog FUCK YEAH!!!!!111

I'm working on a new blog. Soon, eventually. It will make you laugh and think about things.

Yeah, I'm just going to follow the monthly musing, like everyone else. Damn, I wish I could be original.   read

10:12 PM on 03.09.2010

Something About Sex: Meh...

Before I begin, let me just say that I AM THE EXACT TYPE OF PERSON THAT EVERYBODY ON DESTRUCTOID THINKS IS MOST LIKELY GOING TO FALL INTO THE SO-CALLED "SEX-TRAP." I am a 14-year-old, hormonal teenager who is socially awkward and has very little chance of getting laid unless he hires a hooker. And for that, let's throw in the fact that in the odd case I do get married or get a girlfriend, it would be a casual girlfriend, as no girl could possibly like me for the crazy, mildly-autistic, unfunny person I am.


And yes, the constant school pressure, my own social inability and THE TEENAGE ANGST THAT MUST BE DESTROYED AT ALL COSTS is making me slowly go crazy...every...second.

And you know for the most part, the "trap" is working. And for the most part, I really could care less.

It seems that as companies have tried and tried again to use sex the move copies off of the shelf, we have been trying to find a compromise between allowing us to see some god damned titties and trying to look like we still care about "Games as Art." Hypocrites.

Either way, you know, I really don't care. And here's why:


At this point, you are probably just thinking about how much of a terrible writer I am. But in the end, Who cares about sex? Sure, I like to be turned on by the occasional glimpse of boobs, but hell, does that really affect the game? I mean, I like to see it as "icing on the cake" (bad metaphor, I know), but never considered buying a game for it's sexual content. That's what the internet is for! If other people want to buy a game for boobs (COUGH*Saboteur*COUGH) than let them do that, but it doesn't affect me.

And also, on the subject of using sex as a storytelling device, GO RIGHT A-FUCKING-HEAD! See what I did there? I made a "head" joke without you noticing. Witty, arent' I?


Okay, I know at this point, you guys don't care, but it seems like no one has a moderate voice anymore. I'm a 60-year-old experienced mind inside of a body that is still affected by hormones and angst, and I have to deal with the annoying extremes teenagers put themselves through, and when I see extremes here, it just makes me want to leave. I try to be as logical as possible without ruining everyone's fun.

And yet, all I can think about is how much I want to have a girlfriend and how much I want to play TF2.

I'm really sorry I put you through this unorganized, depressed mess.

Herp derp derp.   read

4:10 PM on 01.30.2010


So, the future? It's important, right? I mean, the game industry is dying and we will have no other way to entertain ourselves if it does? What about awards? Those are important, right? When will we now what a good game is if we didn't have awards. Dear God we had to use our own opinions on games!


It's quite simple, really:

Oh, and by the way, if PC gaming is dying, what's with the recent resurgence of Steamtoid? We even have our own pdocast for Christ's Sake.


I'll have more random fucking fail shit like this in the future while I don't have time to write real blogs. Suck it, C-Blog elitists!   read

2:26 PM on 12.29.2009

Casual Gamers are a Myth

Hello. I want to try something today that isn't so spontaneous and random like last time. I'm sure it will completely fail, but I'll give it a shot. And if anyone has seen that Wal-Mart ad, the one where the father is all like "I'm getting a Wii for my family this Christmas and all of that bullshit. We have fun time even though half of my children look adopted! Plus, people actually play this shit you call the "Fitness Game." You know, fuck it, I'll link to the video. You guys like that shit, right? The videos and the pictures and the music and all that bullshit?

Fuck this bullshit. That never happens.

So yeah, here comes the "FUCK YOU CASUAL GAMERS ARE REAL CREDIT TO INDUSTRY U FUCKING SUCK NINTENDO HATER I'LL KILL YOU!" Slow down there, Little Jimmy_pwn256, if that is your real username. Before we go any further, let's calm down and think. I own a Wii. I have pretty much every single console and if I don't own it I have at least been around it. Super Mario Galaxy is one of my favorite games, and I think that people who say that 3-D Mario controls are awkward need to get their heads out of their Game Boy Advances to stop playing Super Mario Bros. 3 and actually try playing a little SMG.



So anyway, back to topic. My main problem is that I haven't seen or heard of anyone who has done anything even close to how Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sony like to market video games. In fact, as far as my childhood goes, my parents were unteacheable. They couldn't understand shit about shit, saying it was too confusing and difficult to memorize so many actions within a game. Yeah, well I didn't know shit about the kind of bullshit that Intel blindly throws out every year when I was 12, but now I know more than my own Dad, who works at Intel and just recently grasped the concept of the new i7 Core processors that Intel has been promoting like Microsoft after 9/11. And to be honest, I liked my parents not knowing anything. It kept them from getting into my business. Of course, now they know more shit because I was naive when I was younger and tried to get them to understand more about games.


Okay, I said shit 5 times, I think I'm vented now.

Anyways, my problem is that, besides the one or two of my teachers that own a Wii and have Wii Sports and Wii Fit, there is no one I know who has that kind of family. The closest my family ever got to was one round of every fucking Wii Sports game (And also, to digress again, maybe if you didn't have any knowledge of video games before, but if there is a big flashing "A" at the bottom of the screen, and I've told you about 100 times that "A" means fucking go fucking forward, why does that not get through your thick skull of yours?). But after that, it garnered no interest. My family didn't care, nor couldn't understand why anyone would want more games than Wii Sports. Of course, I have a Dad who thinks the capitalist system is prefectly fine as it is and it's only problem is lack of national healthcare and that it's perfectly fine for companies to overcharge for menial technology.

So, now that I've totally confused you and you probably are going to go ahead and comment about how shitty this piece of a melted cow shit bomb is, my point is this:

The reason I hate the idea of family movies/games and casual games is because the kind of ideal that family movies/games force on us simply does not exist. It has never existed. Have you looked at any old movies that show a young British family in the 50's or 60's? The Mom and Dad are reading a a book, in their own room, by themselves, the boy is building his motherfucking tower with Lincoln Logs, by himself, in his own room, and the sister is being a bitch and playing with her god damn Barbie dolls, because we all know that women in the 50's can't think right? Right?

Well, it looks like this blog is headed for the dumpster again. God dammit. I can't do shit right if I try.
And yes, you can barely see it, but the header image is half of the edit from a much better blog on the topic, made about a year ago from Cowzilla3. The link is here:

So, yeah. How was your day? Anyone wants to talk to me I'll be in the forums, most likely the Bar.   read

1:11 PM on 12.28.2009

Return to Blogging, maybe. File this under Failtoid, I don't care.

The only reason this picture has anything to do with this blog is that I'm thinking of this right now. I just drank coffee, which strangely enough, I have an adverse reaction to, and it calms me down, but it also requires I put in about every thought in my head right now. So this is essentially what I'm going to do. I'm going to randomly say things about what I'm thinking about and hopefully it has something to do with gaming.

To explain the first picture, I recently had a conversation with someone like this. I thought the winter break would allow me to get away from the assholes at school like this, but no. The picture explains my thoughts and feelings of these people well enough.

Those of you that frequent XKCD will already know this one, but:

I'm pretty much the same person as the person who writes these comics, so this kinda spots me on with my method of getting a soul mate. This picture helped me actually ask someone out on a date instead of using the tried and tired method that fails all the time. And also as a second note, this reminds me that the only friends I have are my girlfriend, the other kid who sits next to me in computer class, and those I meet in the DToid Steam Group. I also have been meaning to visit my girlfriend before New Year's, as she has got a new bunny. I like bunnies.

I like bunnies

As Wasteland Traveler and other Steamtoid group members may know, I was on the edge for either getting a PS3 or a PC. For those who don't understand the argument about how Steam warrants an entire PC purchase, you really have to use it. Right now, games on Steam are up 80% off in some corners. Hell, you can get every Unreal game ever made for $14. But yeah, I digress. The point of this more awesome looking version of a Dell Dimension 3000 is that I got a new case and Power Supply for Christmas this year. Among other things that dissapointed me, because I asked for two different Wii games, and I ended up getting Metroid Prime Trilogy (which now is ruined for me because of that one guy's article) and Naruto: Clash of Ninja 2 for the Wii. My parents seem to want to get me a crappy Naruto game every year because I liked the series when I was twelve and didn't realize it had crappy and boring action sequences, terrible filler, overly stretched out areas, and bad characters ( you know, I may just play that game to mercilessly beat up on emo Sasuke and that bitch Sakura). Did I digress again? Shit. Well, I meant to say that instead of getting me the computer parts I wanted, my dad wants me to transplant a Dell Dimension 3000 into my new case and power supply. He aboslutely WILL NOT get me any more parts until I can do that. the prblem is that the slot that connects the power button to the Mobo is made specifically for Dell, and I can't fit the new case's power button to it. So in short, I'm screwed.

Edit: Except now I found out the schematics for the front panel header on Intel's website. Yeah, you can probably tell that at this point I'm just rambling and I took 3 hour breaks in between writing sessions.

Yay, Text tilty fun!

Okay, like I said before, I already realized a long time ago that Naruto sucks. But the reason I have this picture is because I realized that Bleach also sucks. Within doing that I realized that there are not many manga/anime out there that really take full advantage of their abilities and conventions and make it something awesome. I haven't really been impressed by an anime/manga since Cowboy Bebop, Death Note, and Yotsuba, but stuff like Bleach and Naruto somehow makes it to the top of our American lists and it's the lowest on the chain. How? Are Americans just that idiotic? The chick in the pic isn't half-bad, though. The hair scares me, though. It doesn't look right.

So yeah, other than that, I have nothing. If you're going to post any comments like "THIS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING! WTF ARE YOU GOING GTFO NOW!" please don't. This isn't so much for your sake as it is for my sake. I just want to see if I can still do this.'Cause I'd love to get back to C-Blogging, but I noticed I have 4 unfinished blogs that I quit on because I missed the deadline for the Monthly Musing or because I realized it wasn't very good.

So, yeah. How was your day?

What humanity is capable of:
[embed]158958:26140[/embed]   read

12:44 PM on 11.26.2009

Well, It's Thanksgiving time again! (With Shameless Plug)

<p>Well it's the holiday season, I just finished watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and I am ready to enjoy the rest of my giant turkey. So, what should I say? Well, I've been here for about a month, and need to increase my number of blogs. So I guess I'd like to do something different, and say what I'm not thankful for. Let's begin. I'm not thankful for this: I saw this in CVS and I just couldn't... What's more is it had a separate game called the Xtreme Fit ( I feel dirty). I'm all in support of Wii Fit, but not these kind of shameless rip-offs. The actual console itself looks kinda nice, though, but the graphics sure don't. If you are looking to prank a friend or just want to be a dick, you can gift wrap this son-of-a-bitch for $40 dollars at your local CVS pharmacy. I'm not thankful for: It could have been so awesome, but it fell flat on it's face. But millions of people will flock to it because it has GRAPHICS! And finally: My former fiend called me a bro yesterday. No wonder he was my former friend. Shameless Plug So anyway, I, like most other gamers, was hesitant to join the iPhone gaming revolution. When I did get an iPhone six months ago, I immediately surrounded myself with good games. Duke Nukem 3-D, Rolando, they were all great. I even got Archon. But nothing told me it could be more than just a quick game device until I saw the Plus+ network. Required by a free online shooter on the iPhone called Eliminate Pro, it's essentially Xbox Live for the iPhone. You get achievements for supported games and level-up accordingly. The main reason I'm interested in talking about it is that you can also put friends on the network and challenge them when they are on. If you are interested, my Plus+ handle is BlitzKraig. And now back to our regularly scheduled programming! But other than that, I'd like to say thank you to the whole Destructoid Community, to those of us in the Dtoid Steam group, where I am known as 1UpYours, to the Bar and all of it's crazy goodness. The forums, where we learned that Destructoid is going to become all-the-way indie. And most of all, thanks for taking me in as one of your own. None of us are perfect, but together we can be pretty damn good. Special thanks to those I know: WastelandTraveler ZombieLifeCoach Mkshiranui (Even though everybody on the forums hates you) Technophile Niero Phantomile Tactix (Every night is TACTIX NIGHT!) Detry (I'll beat you in RPS yet!) Jon Bloodspray And the millions of other Dtoid users out there! Thanks for everything!</p>   read

8:10 PM on 11.09.2009


Everyone knows that no matter where you go, books, movies, games, the villains are complete evil. They need to be improved, because I said so. I took a nice little STFUAJPG break for a while, so now I get to complain about it today! I mean, most evil people either want money or power, and it's boring! Here's a few suggestions:

"Vigilante" type character:
There's no better way to fuck with a player's conscience than give the player a villain the character must defeat/kill/blow up even when the player agrees with his motifs. A antagonist that challenges the law or traditional values, and the player must pursue him, and then the villain tells you his motives, and you learn they are sane and maybe believable (Ignoring Grammar)? Why not just let the entire end of the game let the player choose where he wants to go? It would be cool. I think. I can't think straight today.

Betrayal character
Here's one that could definitely be improved. Other games have done the character that becomes the antagonist later on in the game, but they usually use too much foreshadowing or make it too much obvious. To keep a character that seems your friend through the entire game with absolutely nothing to give it away, then it is a real surprise.

Really good and epic conspiracy
What can I say, Everybody loves a good conspiracy.

Evil? To Whom?
The most realistic way to portray a villain is to attack the player with a villain who your side may think is evil but to another is quite the hero. Just take it like Robin Hood for example. If you have to be the one chasing after this thief whose only goal is to feed the chilluns, then who really feels like the bad guy, then?

That's all for now folks. My writing has started to degrade a little bit, so I'll make this one short, mainly because I don't have the time to make anything worth your while. Still, I think it's nice to have list of alternatives to our normal mustache-twirling power-hungry baddie. Whose head we get to blow up. Into little chunks. Very, very little chunks. You could probably eat them...   read

8:28 PM on 10.27.2009

It's a small world after all... (Short & NVGR)

I was reading across the forums when I read this in the Meet & Greet section, on a thread by Psychomax:

"As a final note, when I was 9 I made a $100 bet with my dad that when I got my driver's license, Pokemon would still be popular. I won the bet and used the money to buy a DS lite... and the new Pokemon game. The entire affair is recorded in the September 2005 issue of Nintendo Power."

I just thought this was the coolest thing ever, because I just happen to still have that issue of Nintendo Power. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside! Anyway, I friended him, but I feel like I'm looking at this as sort of a "Long, lost cousin" situation. Either way, I always used to separate forms of media, but this is the first time I ever was able to connect two different forms of media. It also made me nostalgic for a time when Nintendo Power didn't suck.

So, for those Dtoiders hesitant on making an account, you never know who you will meet on the internet. Also, do any other Dtoiders have any interesting stories about people they met on Destructoid?

*Reposted to forums, for wider audience.*   read

10:26 PM on 10.26.2009

My Big Entrance!

So, apparently, everyone wants an intro post, so here it is.

To start off with, my very first video game was Madden '97 for the PSX, (Samit Sarkar, you are welcome). I was about 4-years old when I would play the game for a couple of quick matches with my Dad. Everything interested me. To the way I could press triangle when I made a touchdown (which happened rarely, thanks to my lacking gaming skills), to running towards my endzone just to see what would happen. Also, it was fun to play with someone and have that interaction. Other than that, I had a Super Demo disc, that contained different demos of about 100 different games, and watching my Dad play Duke Nukem and Unreal Tournament. I also got my first Game Boy, and my first game: Space Invaders.

Well, when I was five, I was sent to a foster home by Child Protection Services. At the foster home, my love for video games grew even stronger. It was there I was introduced to the NES, Super NES, and N64. Of course, being 5 years old, the part of Mario 64 where the Princess Peach picture turns into Bowser sacred the ever-living shit out of me, but I was fine with Turok and other "bloody" games.

I also was introduced to the platformer and the RPG there. Some girls that helped with the foster home would occasionally bring the SNES out and we would play Super Mario World or Final Fantasy with me. I also went to other houses with people and I would get even more exposure to the PC world of gaming.

At around 6 years-old, I started to live with my new parents, who I love and appreciate. However, coming here was a big shock for me. Though my new brother had an N64, and we played Goldeneye like nothing else, my parents weren't too convinced about video games.

Until very recently, I was the socially awkward kid who had trouble making friends at school and fitting in. As a result of this, I got a GameCube and played a lot of single-player games. Favorites include Super Mario Sunshine and OMG IT'S POKEMON! Because I didn't do very well in the social aspect of school, my parents grew even more apprehensive than ever. And then the final nail in the coffin was hammered:

I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome.

It doesn't seem like a big deal, but to my parents, they were rushing for answers and support groups. and of course, every therapist I talked to believed video games were the cause. I didn't believe it. I got my video games put away for a half year! But all that came to pass and many struggles later, I got everything back.

After that fiasco, I met my first friend, united by a shared love of video games. He let me borrow 2 games: Counter-Strike and Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes. The Twin Snakes was the best. So many great moments. Gameplay I've never even experienced before. And Psycho Mantis. He shook my conscious like a baby shakes a rattle.

Counter-Strike was by far my oddest experience. Here I was, not even in my teens yet, and I'm getting subjected to constant homophobic threats, racism, and cuss words, all placed upon a background of guns and blood. I think that was what ruined my innocence.

Yet, through the discovery of Counter-Strike, I also discovered the internet. How amazing it was! So many games! So much to learn! And all the time in the world to do it! It changed my life.

So, recently, I've been reconnecting with the games I knew from my childhood: Duke Nukem, Metal Gear Solid, Super Mario Bros. I just want to know what is was like when I was young and ignorant. I think I still have that old copy of Space Inavders.

__________________________________________________ ______________
SUMMARY: I am a varied and exploratory gamer. I'm a male high schooler. I was born with a controller in my hand. I actually know shit about games. Yes, I still love Pokemon.   read

11:10 PM on 10.25.2009

More Games Need to be Based Off of Literature

Short and sweet: There aren't enough videogames based off of books

You could say that the movie of a book counts, but I'm talking about a real labor of love from the developer's part, not some cheap cash-in. And if any ambitious team of videogame wizards wants to make that game, here are a few ideas for them.

1. Make the plot an alternate plot
If we were to take the Inkworld series for example, wouldn't be so much more interesting to be a resident of Inkworld, than to just be Meggie and her friends fighting countless enemies from the book? It could even be a half prequel, where the first half you are living the events of the Inkworld as normal citizen, then by the next half, Meggie Is transported to the Inkworld, and the plot parallels from there. On that note...

2. Make the world seem living. Since books are half exposistion anyway, try not to make the world feel as though it was built for your story. Give everyone a purpose to be there, and a world that reacts to you appropiately. This also means not making the book's protaganist's story the only thing that seems important. Don't make every NPC talk about the evil lord or the hero and all that. I mean, that should be a general rule for all videogames.

3. Finally, don't screw with the world. Many developers always talk about how when they get licensed properties that they want to add their own touch to it. It almost always goes horribly wrong, like some freak experiment that caused some normal guy to have a big "kick me" on his head, and everybody, trying not to say something about it. If you need help, ask the author, but don't do anything stupid like try to turn the "annoying bitch" character into something good, which usually just turns into an even MORE annoying bitch than before.

Well, that's all for now. No pictures or heavy organization, because I'm typing on my iPod. I'm getting a headache just from trying to not fuck up the spelling.   read

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