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Member since: 2009-10-22 22:23:07
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    I am on a super sugar rush right now I don't even know why the fuck I'm posting this but I will anyway. So, yeah, Destructoid has a Steam group. If you don't know what Steam is, fucking Google it, 12-year-old. Here is a random ass conversation we just had:

    Mr Bread: Come on valve, I want my suprise
    Doomsday Forte: SURPRISE! Portal 2 is Ep3.
    Doomsday Forte: :D
    Doomsday Forte: :D :D :D
    Mr Bread: Portal 2, now on Wii.
    Dtoid | Tarvu: :D
    Dtoid | Tarvu: :D :D :D
    Eaten by a Grue: I don't know. I shouldn
    Doomsday Forte: I'd laugh if it was TF3. No Engie update.
    Eaten by a Grue: 't spend all my money at once, so I'll think about it.
    DWolfwood: new game = "Valve" where you play as an intern and have to feed Gabe Newell doughnuts
    Doomsday Forte: No.
    Doomsday Forte: You turn a valve to feed him donuts.
    DWolfwood: ohoho
    Dtoid | Tarvu: The surprise is Portal 2 is cancelled
    Dtoid | Tarvu: And so is the Engie update
    Dtoid | Tarvu: And ep 3
    Mr Bread: Dammit Doomsday, you just delayed episdoe 3 another week
    Doomsday Forte: No, the surprise is Episode 2 is canceled.
    Doomsday Forte: Dohohoh.
    Dtoid | Tarvu: And Valve is selling itself to EA and Activision in exchange for a volcanic island and a billion dollars
    Doomsday Forte: Portal 2 is Half-Life 3.
    DWolfwood: Left 4 D3ad is announced as well as Left "4" Dead
    Doomsday Forte: Which it very well might be. >_>
    Dtoid | Tarvu: Left 6 Dead
    Doomsday Forte: Left 1 Dead.
    Dr. L0cke: Left 216 Dead
    Doomsday Forte: With Duke Nukem!
    Mr Bread: Counter-strike 2, only on the psp go.
    (GIRL) Bojangles Stringfellow: The announcement is Counter Strike 2
    Dtoid | Tarvu: Left 4 D34D
    Mr Bread: Left 2 Die?
    Dr. L0cke: Left 1 Dead, on Wii
    Doomsday Forte: Oh, I know.
    Doomsday Forte: Super Smash Bros. Valve.
    Doomsday Forte: It must be true.
    Doomsday Forte is going to main Sentry Gun.
    Dr. L0cke: Can only render one person
    Eaten by a Grue: I don't even know where to jump in.
    DWolfwood: Portal 2 = ps3 exclusive
    Dr. L0cke: Left 4 Head?
    Eaten by a Grue: Hentai game?
    Doomsday Forte: Heft 4 Lead.
    Doomsday Forte: :E
    Doomsday Forte: You carry stuff and get slowly lead poisoned as a result.
    Mr Bread claps
    DTOID | Vortex: GOTY
    Doomsday Forte: And.
    DTOID | Vortex: EVERY YEAR
    DTOID | Vortex: ALL YEARS
    Doomsday Forte: And when you typo? It'll auto-generate hype for HL4.
    Dr. L0cke: Deft 4 Lead
    Mr Bread: Left 4 dead to, staring the cast of tf2, with portals
    Dr. L0cke: Peggle Extreme 2
    (GIRL) Bojangles Stringfellow: The suprise is CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED
    Doomsday Forte: XD Peggle Extreme 2.
    Mr Bread: DID GABE EAT IT?
    Doomsday Forte: Oh yes.
    Eaten by a Grue: I'm saving this conversation to a Word Document.
    Dr. L0cke: Word
    Dtoid | Tarvu: The surprise is that Gabe REALLY IS RINGO
    Doomsday Forte: Delt 4 Deaf. :(
    Eaten by a Grue: Yes, we all saw Mega64.
    DTOID | Vortex: ive been doing that for awhile grue
    Doomsday Forte: Leafed 4 TD.
    Dr. L0cke: GABE IS DEAD
    Dtoid | Tarvu: Left 4 Dead 4 has you playing as the Beatles in a 1970s Zombie outbreak
    Dr. L0cke: SUPRISE
    Dtoid | Tarvu: FACT
    Doomsday Forte: No, Locke.
    Doomsday Forte: GABE WAS DEAD ALL ALONG
    Dr. L0cke: TARVU IS GABE
    Doomsday Forte: AAAAAAAAH~
    DWolfwood: GABE IS BRITISH
    Doomsday Forte: No, WE ARE GABE
    Doomsday Forte fear.
    Mr Bread: GABE SHOT JR!
    Eaten by a Grue: GABE IS LEGION!
    Dr. L0cke: OH SHI
    Eaten by a Grue: Well...
    Eaten by a Grue: Fuck.
    Doomsday Forte: Dohoho.
    Mr Bread: ATE
    Eaten by a Grue: GABE IS THE SNIP-
    Eaten by a Grue BOOM HEADSHOT!
    Doomsday Forte: GABE IS right behind you.
    Mr Bread: GABE IS SPY
    Dr. L0cke: GABE IS ALYX
    Doomsday Forte: D:
    Doomsday Forte: 6:53 PM - Doomsday Forte: GABE IS right behind you.
    6:53 PM - Mr Bread: GABE IS SPY
    Xeranarth: gabe is insulted by all these accusations and will eat all of you
    Doomsday Forte: Good timing. :P
    DWolfwood: GABE IS OBAMA
    Mr Bread: OBAMA IS GABE
    Doomsday Forte: GABE IS NOT OUR GABE
    DTOID | Vortex: GABE IS GABE
    Doomsday Forte: :(
    DTOID | Vortex: OH WAIT
    Mr Bread: THE GABE
    Doomsday Forte: Dammit, you just made me lose The Gabe!
    Eaten by a Grue: GABE IS IRON MAN!
    Doomsday Forte watches as EP3 is delayed another week.
    Eaten by a Grue: GABE JUST LOST THE GABE.
    DWolfwood: have you guys played the Gabe Newell Boomer mod on L4D?
    Doomsday Forte: What? XD
    DWolfwood: have you seen it?
    Doomsday Forte: I have not, no.
    Dr. L0cke: Everytime you make fun of Gabe being fat EP3 gets delayed.
    Doomsday Forte: Locke: So it's coming out in 20,153?
    Doomsday Forte: That is terrible.
    Doomsday Forte: Terribly funny!
    DWolfwood: lol
    Eaten by a Grue: HALF LIFE FOREVER!
    DTOID | Vortex: oh god lol
    Eaten by a Grue: NOW DEVELOPED BY 3DREALMS!
    Doomsday Forte: They really captured his likeness!
    Doomsday Forte: Which is scary.
    DWolfwood: yea lol
    DWolfwood: even wears glasses
    (GIRL) Bojangles Stringfellow: Suprise is that all the Ep 3 developers scrapped it and are working on a pay-to-play CAD game
    Mr Bread: Have you seen the randy savage tank mod?
    Dr. L0cke: 24 Season 6: Everyone grows a beard
    DTOID | Vortex: you're a bad man bo
    Dtoid | Tarvu: Guys cross your fingers and cocks for me a second, I'm going to... USE HORN DRILL
    Doomsday Forte: CAD. You can't mean...
    Doomsday Forte: You can't!
    Dtoid | Tarvu: AHAAAAAA
    Dr. L0cke: Press A to abort.
    Dtoid | Tarvu: FUCK YEAH SEAKING!
    DTOID | Vortex: DODGE IT
    Doomsday Forte: He did it?
    Doomsday Forte: It wo--oh.
    Dtoid | Tarvu: Yah
    Doomsday Forte: Holy shit.

    And that's about where I stopped caring to keep copying and pasting. Have fun.

    Oh, God.

    Well, here we go...

    Downloads game

    So I open it up to install it an- What is this?

    Combat Arms DOWNLOADER?


    I fucking hate you Nexon.

    Well, finally, after 30 - 60 minutes of this complete bullshit, (believe it or not, the downloader will limit your speed if your connection is too good) we finally can get into the game.

    Well this doesn't look so bad

    Problem: this was the game about 3 years ago. Guess what? They don't even have that map now. You know why? BECAUSE THEY ACTUALLY TOOK OUT EVERY MAP BUT THE FIVE MOST PLAYED ONES! There were about 12 maps when I orignally left the game a year ago; now there are only 5. And all of the them are the worst ones, the ones I hated the most. But everyone else loved them.

    Oh, before we go on, let's talk about the thing that makes Korean MMO's infamous to their specific genre. In order to stay Free to Play, they have to sell items through a virtual store. That's right, you have to buy items with real money to pimp out your virtual character. When Combat Arms first started, it's ideas were very noble. It started out with the idea that you shouldn't be able to buy higher powered weapons with real money to get the edge on your opponent.

    Yeah, I'll tell you how long that lasted.

    While none of the weapons are technically better than any others, there are a few real money bought weapons that definitely come with a few perks. Oh, and let's talk about the non-real money weapons. You need something called GP to buy them. You earn GP by getting kills and playing matches. The problem? Unless you're a hacker (which the game is full of), you're probably not going to get these weapons very easily. The other problem is that the default M16A3 is such a piece of shit you need the store bought weapons. But it's unfair, these Korean MMO's are well, made for Korea, and people in Korea are able to play a certain game 24 hours a day. Unless you are doing that, you will not be able to keep the weapons, as when you buy them, you can buy them for a day, a week, or a month. But unless you play all day and do really well, you won't be able to afford them. Oh, and another thing, the store has no organization, and sucks. The items for sale also suck. Stuff that you need, like maybe medkits, aren't even in there, and even if it was, it would be overpriced.

    Let's talk about gameplay. I think something went wrong in my head. It's like the schizophrenia of Modern Warfare 2 without the Meat Grinder fun of Call of Duty 4. It's weird, and unruly. You control like a slow ass slug with a hernia, but when you're trying to shoot someone, it's like they're going too fast to even hit. Here's another odd thing, you can only zoom in if you have a scope. Apparently Nexon's never heard of anything called "iron sights." If you do not purchase a scope attachment for your gun, then you are stuck playing the old Counter-Strike way of "burst fire, crouch for accuracy." It's extremely retarded, and makes the game almost impossible to play. My last gripe with the gameplay is that unless you have a G36 or an L96A1, you have a bad weapon. Though the G36 has huge recoil, it's a two-shot kill weapon, and zooms in really far for an assault rifle. And the L96A1... God Almighty, I shudder to think that Nexon is on crack or something. I really should have typed this up right after I finished playing to unleash the full wrath of my rage, but my therapist says I should avoid high stress levels. Anyways, the L96A1 is the god weapon. Without any modification, it is one hit kill. Anywhere. On the legs, the body the arms, it will kills you. No matter even if you bough increases armor, it is a one-hit kill. It's expensive as shit, but not expensive enough to keep everybody from buying it.

    Finally, servers and community. This doesn't look so bad, because it's the early version. Well, it only goes downhill from here. The servers are non-dedicated (of course) but really have nothing to give any indication of what you're doing. In Modern Warfare 2, you may not get to choose your server, but at the very least they do their best to get you to a good one (when I played it on the free weekend, I only had three games where I has below 4 bars, only because I was playing with pretty much all UK Dtoiders). Either way, the only indication is how busy a channel is. And how does it go from Server to Channel to Game Lobby? If someone can explain that to me in the comments, that would be great. But wait, there's more! There is no, I repeat, no, fucking way to check your lag. NONE. Not even the bar indicator a la Modern Warfare 2. But trust me, almost all the time you will be playing on a laggy server. Always. You cannot avoid it, it just happens. In fact, when I dream about this game (a thing I do with games constantly) I can only envision it laggy like this. It's so bad it made me want to stop playing games online. And lastly community. For a free game, guess what the community is? Hackers, 12 - 16 year olds, basically the worst the internet has to offer. Hackers are everywhere. You will not play one anonymous game without hackers. It's just too easy for the hackers to do. Plus, dealing with them is annoying. Nexon, in all their wisdom, decided the best course of action to take would be to add voice chat to their game. Yeah, real great. Now, you get all the excitement of real 12 year olds yelling and screaming and trying to cyber you if you think it's funny to pretend to be a girl.

    In conclusion: I can't believe this was my first online game.

    I know I said I wanted this to become a series, but I'm super busy; I don't think I'll be picking back up on this again, especially after all that crap. However, my and Mushman (as you know him on Destructoid) will be creating a video from our epic trolling of Modern Warfare 2. I don't know if it will be any good, as at best we probably got 5 minutes of good footage, as an optimistic guess. And it will be completely unprofessional, badly synced, and likely not to be funny. But it's my next project to put all that footage together and make that video, so if I do post here soon, it will probably be that.

    I also completed three life cheevos yesterday: I stopped being a pussy and asked a girl out on a date, I helped my community, AANNNND I found the substitute to this:

    Frozen Cheescake on a stick with chocolate drizzle. Perfectly kosher fair food.

    Wish me luck on my travels through the world.
    Photo Photo Photo

    That's right, let's start delving into the world of Korean MMOs.

    I've had an idea for a while, and the games industry has so many new ways to play games now. While I could find a way to enjoy my life and find plenty of decent free PC games, that wouldn't be doing my self-hatred justice. So, in a new series I set to make up because I need someone to post even an lol to boost my faltering self-confidence, I will not only be playing these monstrosities of games, but reviewing them, and if they piss me off enough, trolling the ever-loving shit out of them.

    Of course, most of you who used to read me hate me now and those who don't still are annoyed by me and can see through this as just a way for me to substitute my social awkwardness and inability to make and keep friends as a way to use the internet in lieu for social activity, I hope you will enjoy. I will be putting my self through the worst of the worst and maybe the best of the worst in order to make you giggle. I'll go ahead and start off with CoD clones because Online FPS tend to addict me (still haven't finished Mass Effect 1) and I can't wait to show you what I'm doing.

    Lord have mercy on my soul.

    Next week: A game that was one of my first forays into online gaming, and what and experience it was:


    How can I say "Happy Birthday!" Though I've been here but 5 months?

    I'm not poetic.

    Epic pictures are hard to come by.

    I baked you a cake but I eated it.

    What could I possible give that hasn't been given before? A stripper in the cake is too cliche, and your way too classy for that, right?

    How about I just say.

    Dammit, Destructoid. I wuv you.

    And honestly, who couldn't?

    There's Anthony, are local Iraqi president who loves the Void though it's absolute shit.

    Jim, who keeps getting to review games he hates because he knows he pulls in views, whether they be positive or negative.

    Topher, the coolest guy who never talks.

    Brad, who will probably kill me if I talk bad about him.

    Ashley, whose show originally introduced me to the site.


    Colette, Dale, and Brad, some of the only happy people on the site.

    Conrad, Rey, Davis, Matthew, Hamza, Holmes, and the others I can't name, but I love 'em anyways.

    And thanks to all of the sites Destructoid influences and is influenced by:

    Screw Attack, Japanator, Kotaku, Game Politics.

    And to the community, a bunch of sarcastic, elitist bastards, but I wouldn't have 'em any other way.

    It may not be the best tribute, but it's as good as I can do.

    Destructoid, you are the guy!


    So, you know how many games give you choices, but it doesn't affect the story that much? And you know how you almost always get to pick what kind of person you are before you start, changing the dialogue (I'm looking at you, Mass Effect!)? Well, why not just add a three - five hour section of said character's childhood. The choices you make as a child shape you to be an adult. For that matter, why not let it lead to entirely different storylines? But also use it to show some adolescent memories the protagonist had that leads to some of the problems he contracts as an adult. Not only do I think this is a good idea, but it could lead to really good player immersion, since everyone has gone through that period in their life. It would be a son of a bitch to make that game, and probably only appeal to five people, but hey, that's what indie developers are for.

    I always had the idea of making a game set in a realistic feudal Japan, long before the American "Black Ships" came in. You could start a prologue chapter as an adolescent (enter age here; to make it you'd need some background on Japanese culture so that you could learn when the influential period was for the Japanese at that time) and have some backstory set up for you, a rival, a love interest, basic stuff. But how you act during that period of time will shape the goals and the skills of the adult main character. For example, trying to defeat your rival will make you a fierce warrior who has difficulty adjusting to normal life and always wants to fight no matter what. OOOOOH, OOOOH! Better idea. This is going to sound a little weird, but you could have someone who loves the girl, very much, but through investigation, he learns that she's fucking another guy and his hurt by it. When he grows up, he becomes a conspiracy theorist investigator but he shies away from women and turns out to be a pedophile because of his failed love, (except for a realistic Japanese setting no one in the game would think this is weird, because at that time, it wasn't. But you'll always have to deal with the fact that you're a pedophile. Weird, I know.


    Okay, next topic, I just wanted to share with you this awesome mod I found for Deus Ex. That's right, you have to reinstall that game again. It's called The Nameless (a little hint at 4chan's Anonymous), and it's basically a physical representation of the internet world. Here's how the developer describes it.


    In Forum City, the Internet is serious business. As its name implies, the city is the physical embodiment of Internet forums and bulletin boards. It's more like The Matrix or Tron than Second Life, however, as the troubles of the city are no laughing matter. Embracing the style of Deus Ex, Forum City has as much crime and conspiracy as the world of JC Denton but most citizens would have it no other way.

    The lust for power seems to come easily to those who call the city their home; everywhere there are factions scheming to increase their reach, or even wrest control of the city itself. Were it not for a peacekeeping triumvirate of invulnerable Moderators the city would quickly plunge into chaos.

    This has been the way of things for as long as most care to remember.

    But now, the balance of power has been upset. Unthinkably, a Moderator has disappeared, and panic is gripping the city. With the remaining Moderators spread far too thin, the lawless have found themselves with the freedom to prey upon others, and formerly suppressed rivalries threaten to explode into open conflict.

    You are called upon to silence the discord.

    Throughout the course of the game, you take on the avatar of Trestkon, a former intelligence agent whose reasons for leaving the city are mysterious, at best. Negotiating for his return was an act of desperation, but having known him personally, the remaining Moderators trust that he can find their missing colleague before it is too late.

    Two years can change a man, however, and Trestkon's loyalty is not set in stone. Now imbued with legal authority, he could tip the balance of power in virtually anyone's favour, and the multitude of factions are well aware. Corrupt corporations, religious fanatics, cyber-terrorists, and even deadly computer programs will stop at nothing to gain Trestkon's allegiance."

    Here's one of the trailers:

    It was just so awesome that I had to share it with you.

    Until next time, Just Shut the Fuck Up and Play Games.

    Before I begin, let me just say that I AM THE EXACT TYPE OF PERSON THAT EVERYBODY ON DESTRUCTOID THINKS IS MOST LIKELY GOING TO FALL INTO THE SO-CALLED "SEX-TRAP." I am a 14-year-old, hormonal teenager who is socially awkward and has very little chance of getting laid unless he hires a hooker. And for that, let's throw in the fact that in the odd case I do get married or get a girlfriend, it would be a casual girlfriend, as no girl could possibly like me for the crazy, mildly-autistic, unfunny person I am.


    And yes, the constant school pressure, my own social inability and THE TEENAGE ANGST THAT MUST BE DESTROYED AT ALL COSTS is making me slowly go crazy...every...second.

    And you know for the most part, the "trap" is working. And for the most part, I really could care less.

    It seems that as companies have tried and tried again to use sex the move copies off of the shelf, we have been trying to find a compromise between allowing us to see some god damned titties and trying to look like we still care about "Games as Art." Hypocrites.

    Either way, you know, I really don't care. And here's why:


    At this point, you are probably just thinking about how much of a terrible writer I am. But in the end, Who cares about sex? Sure, I like to be turned on by the occasional glimpse of boobs, but hell, does that really affect the game? I mean, I like to see it as "icing on the cake" (bad metaphor, I know), but never considered buying a game for it's sexual content. That's what the internet is for! If other people want to buy a game for boobs (COUGH*Saboteur*COUGH) than let them do that, but it doesn't affect me.

    And also, on the subject of using sex as a storytelling device, GO RIGHT A-FUCKING-HEAD! See what I did there? I made a "head" joke without you noticing. Witty, arent' I?


    Okay, I know at this point, you guys don't care, but it seems like no one has a moderate voice anymore. I'm a 60-year-old experienced mind inside of a body that is still affected by hormones and angst, and I have to deal with the annoying extremes teenagers put themselves through, and when I see extremes here, it just makes me want to leave. I try to be as logical as possible without ruining everyone's fun.

    And yet, all I can think about is how much I want to have a girlfriend and how much I want to play TF2.

    I'm really sorry I put you through this unorganized, depressed mess.

    Herp derp derp.

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