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1:13 PM on 11.17.2009

Pre-Order Lost Planet 2: Receive Wesker

So I'm gonna keep this news short and sweet since I'm 3 minutes past my lunch break as it is. But for those of you that plan on getting Lost Planet 2 and enjoy playing as a sunglasses wearing, slicked back blond bastard with a nice big revolver, get your ass down to the store and pre-order it.

If you didn't understand that here:




Now go! Run little Johnny! Run as fast as your legs can move you!   read

1:41 AM on 08.25.2009

Why I let Destructoid make me its his bitch last night.

Because it told me that if I let it have its way with me, that I'd get to go to PAX in return. And you know what? I've got tickets up to Seattle on Virgin Airlines ready to print out! I also now have a rare STD that no doctor has ever seen before, they don't know what to name it and its really too graphic of a condition to describe to anyone here...But I'm still going to PAX! I love you Destructoid.

Also I love Jimbo, Pikeman, Dax, Zilch, Jack and everyone else from PS3 FNF and I can't wait to play with you guys again once I get my real network up and running here. Also I also love the PC D-toid players too. 360 users can go fuck themselves, except Colette and Tazar, but especially Tactix (Not really though, I love you guys too. Except Tactix).   read

10:10 AM on 06.24.2009

"It's "Blahz", Not "Blaze"." - My Review of BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger

Recently, as a requirement for a resume submission to a game company, applicants were requested to write up a mock game analysis/review for one of their latest favorite games. I’m not sure if they had just wanted a single paragraph analysis or a full on article, but I went for the latter option in my submission. I figured maybe a couple of you would enjoy the read, since the game I focused on was BlazBlue, which comes out for PS3 and 360 in just a week from today, for those of you who have forgotten (This is a review of the arcade version, so sorry to those folks who clicked on this review expecting a fleshed out review on the console's story mode!). I tried to keep the review focused on Blazblue as a standalone game, and not compare it to Guilty Gear too much, in hopes that it will provide a decent enough view of the game for people not familiar with the GG franchise. Hope you enjoy.

BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger (Arcade)
Developer: Arc System Works
Publisher: Aksys Games
Released: November 20th, 2008

Have you ever wondered what the outcome would be if a gun slinging femme fatale of a world governing organization went toe-to-toe with a Lolita clad descendant of Dracula? How about a warped manifestation of a Hayao Miyazaki creature going up against a lycanthropic cat-girl with claws that put Wolverine’s to shame? Of course you have, why wouldn’t you wonder about those scenarios!? So it must be good to know that all the answers to them can be found in Arc System Works’ latest fighter, BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger. Sporting a 1-on-1 battle system against either a computer or human opponent, BlazBlue is the spiritual successor to Arc System Works’ well known 2-D fighting franchise, Guilty Gear. While it may be similar to its predecessor in some aspects of gameplay mechanics, BlazBlue stands out on its own for more reasons than one.

Graphically, the game sets a new standard for 2-D fighters. The anime inspired designs of the characters give each a unique and instantly recognizable look both in and out of battle. During matches players are graced with high resolution; hand drawn sprites loaded hundreds of animations, making every action performed in battle a beautiful display of incredibly fluid animated carnage to both observers and players alike. Outside of matches, during combatant selection and character interaction scenes within story mode, players will find vividly detailed artwork of the insane crew of BlazBlue. However, the cast of the game isn’t the only thing that shines graphically; pseudo 3-D backgrounds seen during battles are another sight to behold. Not only are the backgrounds gorgeously rendered and aesthetically pleasing, but some even respond to actions performed by the characters in game.

Rachel Alucard VS Ragna the Bloodedge in Rachel’s Rose Garden stage
(Image taken from Gamespot Japan)

A perfect example of the background response to character actions is the Lolita vampiress, Rachel’s stage. Set in a field of roses with gothic architecture littered about in the background, the roses of the stage will sway according to the direction of the wind created by Rachel’s ability “Sylphide”. This ability isn’t executed like the ones you would typically find in any other fighter however, it’s activated with the simple press of the D button. “D” in this case is the button allocation corresponding to the usage of each character’s individual ability known as a Drive. Each Drive is unique; Rachel has her manipulation of wind with “Sylphide”, whilst her target of odd interest, Ragna the Bloodedge, has the “Soul Eater” ability, allowing him to drain his opponent’s life with every successful hit.

Aside from the Drives, each character has their own set of basic, special, super (known as Distortion Drives) attacks and even One-Hit K.O. “Astral Heat” attacks. While these attacks all sport their individual looks and uses as well, none are as unique as the Drive abilities (some attacks serve similar purposes, I.E. projectiles being used to keep distance between the player and opponent). With a wide array of attacks in hand, each character can string certain attacks into one another, allowing the player to unleash devastating combos that may seem endless to his or her opponent. In addition to these combos, BlazBlue also features more advanced techniques such as countering, ukemi tactics, and attack cancelling, which to used practically in battle present a fairly steep learning curve that may scare away some of the more casual players. But, for those willing to put forth the time and effort, they’ll find much reward in learning how to use these techniques to their full advantage.

Ragna unleashing his “Carnage Scissor” Distortion Drive against opponent Jin Kisaragi
(Image taken from Game.Watch.Impress)

Although the advanced level of play may divert some more casual players, there are still aspects of the game that many of them will find incredibly enjoyable. Aside from the animation and artwork, the audio is equally, if not more impressive. The OST for BlazBlue is composed by Daisuke Ishiwatari, most well known for composing the Guilty Gear franchise’s soundtracks. The songs in BlazBlue are incredibly diverse, ranging from heavy metal guitar riffs to operatic robot hymns. Not only does every character in the game have a unique theme song; but the menus, loading screens and parts of the game where the soundtrack would otherwise go unnoticed, have memorable themes as well.

Together, BlazBlue’s elements make for an incredibly entertaining experience that even veterans of Arc System Works’ previous star franchise will find enjoyable. With a cast of 12 characters, multiple endings, and incredible levels of depth that go into learning each character, the replay value of BlazBlue is amazing, and grows even more when competitive play against non-computer players is factored in. With so many possible tactics, combos and mind games that can be utilized by human opponents, the replayability becomes insurmountable. BlazBlue is a “must play” for any fan of the fighter genre and is worth a look even for those not knee deep in the world of Fighters. After all, who can pass up a chance to discover the conclusion of a brawl between a 10-year old, mechanical maid wielding puppeteer going up against a ninja-turned-superhero with a 6-foot tall nail for a weapon?

Side Note: For those who didn't get the joke of the title, I was attempting to take a pot shot at the arcade elitists that try and correct people when they call it "Blay-ze Blue". Sunnyvale Arcade goers here, anyone?   read

11:54 PM on 03.16.2009

The most AWESOME and disturbing "Happy Birthday" post you will ever see

Well first off, let me just say that I love you Destructoid. I love you like Jim Sterling loves Dynasty Warriors, like Yojimbo loves beards, like Colette loves chocobos and like Chad loves dolphins. Also I guess I love Niero, since he's the father of the site, but that's a platonic love. I suppose Samit also gets a bit of love, but only a little, since I'm saving up the rest for a rainy day (That's really a lie though, he gets just as much as everyone else).

Now take all that love that I just laid out for you and imagine it transforming into a wonderful song. A song that should be read in the voice of Marylin Monroe.

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Destructoid, Niero and Samit~
Happy Birthday to you

Did I just blow your mind with the sheer amount of emotion and amazingness in that song!? You're damn right I did. But what if I told you that I could make that song even BETTER? Did I just make you piss yourself? Sorry, but you'll have to wait to clean that up until later because I'm about to take you all for the ride of your life!

Here we go... So take that song, but at the same time that it's being sung in your head (Still in Marylin Monroe's voice), look at the following picture:

Are you ready for it?

You sure?

Alright then...

Start that singing in your head and BEHOLD

Best Happy Birthday or BEST Happy Birthday? I think you all know the answer. Barf bags are under your seat by the way.   read

6:44 PM on 03.14.2009

A sincere message to anyone who is angry at Resident Evil 5 for any reason

Friends, comrades, compadres. It's been made fairly clear that there are a good number of you out there that are upset with Capcom's recently released title, Resident Evil 5. Whether it be due to the online deathmatch mode, Sheva's AI, the story or anything else, heed my call. I come to you today with a message. A message that I hope will help to calm all of you and alleviate your anger so that you may avoid causing a blood vessel in your brain to burst, killing yourself instantly. So please, before you take the time to write out a 5 paragraph blog about how much you want to shove Sheva into a woodchipper, just remember this:

I don't think I could have said it any better myself Mr. Wesker with a very deformed left arm.

So before you all go posting your angry hate filled blogs in regards to RE5: Just listen to Albert fucking Wesker. He'll kill you otherwise, I'm not joking. Seriously.   read

10:18 PM on 02.15.2009

SFIV C. Viper Photoshop - D-toid Editor Edition (Now with more Chad Bison)

In honor of SF IV and inspired by Infinitys End's Chun-Li Photoshop, I decided to merge the game's newest femme femme fatale, C. Viper with D-toid's favorite retro-girl, C. Bennett. She may not be the star of the new Street Fighter movie, but why would she want to be anyways? It's not like it'll surpass the original. And as you can probably guess, I had a bit too much time on my hands.

Edited with Garison's suggestion as well at the bottom.

I probably could have spent the time I took making this to write up an actual article, but honestly this was a lot more fun that typing out all those difficult words like "Playing", "Review" and "?".

And here is my absolutely horrible attempt at turning Chad into M. Bison, as Rab requested. Please don't laugh too hard at my feeble attempt, I can feel humiliation from thousands of miles away.

Anyways, hope some of you enjoy. For those of you that don't, leave me alone or I'll cry. And if you do enjoy and for some forsaken reason want me to do someone else, say so in the comments.   read

8:02 AM on 02.12.2009


Today is HAMZAKAH! The celebration of the greatest community manager/land shark EVER!

To pay my respect, I have written a Haiku about our Community Manager:

Hamza is land shark
Enjoys drinking and boobies
Role model for all

And to pay even MORE respect to Hamza, I've changed the #2 Most Viewed YTMND of all time to give honor to this great holiday!

Please join us all in this splendiforous celebration spread across the Destructoid Community!

To see all of our celebratory photos, please visit

And remember kids:


5:59 AM on 02.10.2009

I'm alive? I'm alive!? I'M ALIVE! Now, where the hell is my Scout update?

I'm sure there are some people who have long forgotten who the fuck I am, but for those of you who haven't, a hearty "Hello!" to you. After nearly 2 months of travelling from Colorado to New Mexico to Arizona to Southern California and finally to Northern California, I have FINALLY got a place to live comfortably again. Although the entire time I was traveling, I had Travis Touchdown's dialogue from the beginning of No More Heroes going through my head:

"It's gonna be a long, hard road. But who knows? Could kick ass. Could be dangerous. Could totally suck."

I really wish I would have had some reason to put in "...Whadaya say, bro? Join me. Let's see how far we can take this. And for you there, holding the Wii Remote right now, just press the A button. Let the bloodshed begin!" But alas, my journey to where I am now wasn't that cool.

I did had a very slight amount of free time while I was in SoCal and while I would have loved to start getting active on here again, I was busy being a huge loser dressing up over at Anime Los Angeles as everyone's favorite sexually confused Persona 4 character.

Rest assured this time, I'll stick around a bit longer...Until I inevitably move again. I really need to stop doing that, huh?

The ramblings of my obviously grandiose return here aside, let me use the following picture to convey the feelings of most TF2 fans at the moment and segway into something actually game related!

Okay Valve, I get it that you're just getting back to the TF2 udpates after your bout of focusing on L4D, I won't rip on you for that, but from what I recall, you'd said a few weeks ago, that we'd be seeing the Scout update in a few weeks. Now, I'm not a kindergarten addition/subtraction major by any means, but I'd say "A Few Weeks" - "A Few Weeks" = GIVE US THE UPDATE. I'm not really irate about not getting the ENTIRE update, but at least a peek at one of the unlockable weapons would have been nice by now.

Also, I know, I know, they're talking about getting the game balancing out of the way first before the Scout pack. But from the TF2 blog, it seems like they've got nearly everything done. I suppose this isn't the first time Valve has delayed something like this though, so maybe I'm raging a bit too much.

Either way, this update better be worth it. If Scout's new melee is a giant floppy horse dildo, I'll be content with that alone.

I sure have missed you guys.

Love you D-Toid,
-EBNess   read

4:49 PM on 12.07.2008

In for a shirt, out with a jackpot (My thrift store miracle)

So with an anime convention coming up and needing a shirt to butcher for a cosplay of mine, I wandered into a local Goodwill. Upon entering I took notice of some hidden SNES cartridges behind a stack of crappy DVDs in the glass case up front. Having caught my interest, I walked up to the counter and asked the woman working there if I could please see the carts.

That is where jackpot numero uno comes in.

Super Mario Kart and Star Fox were now mine for a meager $5.98 + tax.

But that's not all, the plot thickens moreso as before she could close the case though I noticed some PS1 games under a huge box for Baulder's Gate 2. I politely asked to see those as well and nearly reeled back in shock at what I saw there.

Freaking PE2, Vagrant Story and Silent Hill.

Without hesitation I had told the worker that I'd buy them all. Being paranoid that someone else would get them before I got to the counter, I completely ignored my initial reason for entering the Goodwill and ran to the counter to make my purchase.

Here I am now, a half hour later, showing my haul to you fellow C-bloggers. Probably making a few of you swell with rage at my luck, possibly making a few of you scoff at finding a better haul than I did some other time. I just felt the need to share my incredibly lucky find with the rest of you in hopes that...Well, honestly I just wanted to show off, plain and simple. For those of you who would like to celebrate my great find with me, please see the image below.

Word.   read

10:10 PM on 12.04.2008 butchers Chrono Trigger DS description. Much laughing ensues.


Would you please care to explain to me how to unlock the time portal to 1982 and football minigame in Chrono Trigger DS?

I mean, I knew that Square Enix threw in some new stuff but an entirely new time period and the ability to make Crono help the team in winning the state championship? MADNESS! It's sheer MADNESS!

In all seriousness though, Gamestop, what drugs did you give to the guy writing the description for CTDS? It must have been some really good stuff to come up with that. Next time, you guys may want to have someone actually look up the game on Wikipedia or at the very least ask some guy living in his basement down the street what it's about.


Also, if you guys don't believe me, check out to see for yourselves.

Edit: Kip and Uncle Rico are unlockable characters after beating Lavos in 1982. I'm an idiot for not recognizing that quote from Napoleon Dynamite at first.   read

5:24 PM on 10.16.2008

Wavedashing? In my Brawl? It's more likely than you think!

It's been far too long since I've been around these parts and unfortunately I'm only back due to being frustrated as all hell with packing for my move next week and needing some type of release. So obviously I come to my place of zen, D-toid!

Lets get to the main topic though, shall we? Wavedashing. Anyone who was even partially drawn into the world of Melee tournaments and advanced techniques knows all too well what Wavedashing is, but for those of you who don't know I'll give a short explanation.

Wavedashing is an "Advanced Technique" in Melee where the player was able to air dodge diagonally into the ground immediately after jumping, causing their character to slide along the surface of the level. While this may sound like something that would not be of any use at first, the ability to use any attack while sliding made this technique a requirement to learn for competitive play. It allowed for ground to be covered quickly while still being able to launch moves other than your standard running A attacks and up smashes. The technique was always controversial to those who weren't proficient in performing it though, most of them complaining it shouldn't be legal since it was an exploit in the game's physics system.

Complaining aside, Wavedashing was a staple in tournament play. It caused an entirely new character tier list to be made upon its discovery in Melee. So once Brawl came out with it's corrected physics, you can imagine the uproar that the tournament scene was in.

But people adjusted to the change, they got used to Brawl's mechanics and accepted it for the way it was...At least that's what the general consensus was. A gamer who goes by the name Phantom Wings decided that he wanted things to go back to the way they initially were in Melee, so he took it upon himself to hack the ever-living hell out of Brawl. The result?


That's right, Wavedashing in Brawl! Not only that, but the code apparently also disables the tripping mechanic that everyone seems to hate so much AND allows for longer replays. The guy is also apparently working on another hack to impliment L-Cancelling as well, but I won't go into detail about what that is.

If you'd like the check out the code for yourself you can just click on the youtube video above, or if you're too lazy to move your mouse cursor back up there you can click HERE (Just click on "(more info)" in the upper right section).

So the question is now raised, will this code become widely accepted throughout the Brawl tournaments and be the new standard? Or will people pass it off as some dork with way too much time on his hands and just play the game the way it was made? Will the casual VS tournament player wars be sparked once again on GameFAQs or some other board no one really cares about? I for one hope so, as the hatred and anger of people further fuels my home-made arsenal of evil robots.

For now though, I'm off to press F5 every 5 minutes on the Mother 3 Fan Translation blog and cram more of my crap into my 99' Escort in hopes that I won't have to ship anything to Colorado by mail. See you again for good in about a week and a half D-toid~<3   read

12:42 AM on 08.28.2008

Castle Crashers Co-Op Copiously Crashes Connections

For those of us who eagerly download Castle Crashers upon release yesterday, I'm sure out of the lot there were a quite a few of us that experience the connection bugs. Now I'm not knocking the guys over at The Behemoth, they dished out an amazingly fun game that many people are now enjoying. However I am a bit crushed at the fact that I'm not able to play online for more than a minute or less without getting booted off.

Just to reiterate once more, most connection problems with Castle Crashers seem to be online bugs. So before you try and reconfigure your router (like me) for the 30th time, just hold off for now. To my understanding the issue has been addressed and is being worked on at this moment.

If you head over to, you'll notice that you can't even enter the site now due to the web traffic being so high. The following message is displayed at the bottom of the site:

"Website is getting slammed. Working on resoloving the issue. Thanks!"

So for myself and other players forced to play by their lonesome if they have no friends living near them or are too poor to buy more than one controller, lets all sit back, level up, and then maul our teammates with uber-leveled powerhouses in the battle for the princesses when the connections are finally fixed.

Best of luck to The Behemoth team on fixing the issue. Sorry to see your guys' site get so hammered because of this.   read

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