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6:17 PM on 03.18.2010

Jim Sterling

I bought Jim Sterling a ring... true story.







I can has hits?   read


3:59 PM on 03.12.2010

Mudkip

Mudkips (ミズゴロウ, or axolotl to the sciency people who are doing things with their lives, unlike the readers reading) are an unrealistically cute Pokemon with a semi-less annoying catch phrase, and are ranked by God as the most kawaii things that ever didn't exist. They outrank desu, puppies, and even baby fuck. Mudkip was the starter pokemon no one actually picked but regardless they are an internet meme.



They are small blue Pokémon with a large fin on their head and I heard you FUKING LIEK THEM!

  read


1:31 PM on 03.12.2010

My top ten most hated pokemon

I'm delaying my blog about Ekans' potential to change the entire gaming industry to get this out of the way and quickly.

10. Snorlax... more like Borlax!

9. Meowth... more like dickinmy-meowth!

8. Lickitung... more like licking-dung!

7. Ditto... more like Shitto!

6. Pikachu... more like Stink-a-shoe!

5. Mewtwo... more like MyGoo!

4. Muk... more like stupid Fuk!

3. Jigglypuff... more like Jiggly-don't-touch-me-there-that's-e-NUFF!

2. Charizard... more like Char-is-hard! Because he has a BONER!

1. Ekans... more like big purple dong!   read


7:40 PM on 12.18.2009

Take the Sony PSN Survey...

... by leaving a comment! Understand though, that the results probably won't be seen by Sony. Here's the survey in question:



And now, what I think of the items listed:

Exclusive Sony stuff: Sure that seems fair.

Extended Warranty: Again, fair... but pointless for those who've had their PS3 for longer than 3 years.

Access to Beta Games: That's fair if the access is simply early access and not denying non-subscribers the ability to be a part of a beta at all.

Early Access to All Store Content: M$ is making the same stupid mistake, and nobody is happy about it. Please, get this dirty thought out of your head Sony!

Cross Game Voice Chat: This should be available as a basic PSN service. I could see them putting a time limit on the basic service (~5 minutes @ unlimited sessions/day or maybe a solid 1 hour/day) and limiting it to one on one chats. If the premium service expanded upon the basic service by allowing unlimited with groups, that'd be fair.

1-hour Full Title Trial: This is a fair and interesting incentive for premium users, however, I've always felt that Sony should make trial versions of d/l only games on PSN mandatory just like they are on Xbox Live. I typically don't buy a game with out trying it out first, and a demo can sell me a game.



User to User Challenges: This sounds like it should be a basic PSN service to me. It'd be neat if they kept track of the info, like who you played against in a certain game and your w/l stats, or your stats against a specific player in all the games you've played together... I guess that'd make it "premium". I wouldn't be too interested in it, but I'm sure there are people that would be.

Free Access to PS1, PSMinis etc...: That's genius! It kind of reminds me of Sega Channel! Definitely a premium feature worth paying for.

Discounts on Store Content: That's fair, since you're already paying Sony a yearly subscription fee.

Member only in-game content: Boo! Hiss! Terrible idea! Unless the content is purely aesthetic (like a unique skin) or unless it's content that's available to be bought as DLC, then that's fine. But member only levels, characters, weapons, etc. would feel like denying the base customer something rather than adding something for the premium customer. Example: Premium users get the new RE5 content for free = good idea, Premium users get a new level where Leon Kennedy and Jack Krauser fight Bill Gates for control of the W virus with a little help from these enchanted blades they found in a greek temple = bad idea

Cloud Storage Space for Games: A good, fair incentive, that's got some decent value. I'd load my HDD up with music and video, then move all my games over to cloud storage. It'd be really nice if the mandatory installs for some games could be stored on the cloud.

Online Music Service: I'm completely indifferent about this... my musical tastes are eclectic and eccentric, and I doubt Sony would be offering anything I'd be interested in listening to. It's a fair incentive that I'm sure some people would be interested in.

Automatic Downloads and updates: This one should definitely be a PSN standard service. There are times when I don't realize I'm running old firmware until I go back and check old Dtoid posts. Not that I've missed anything important.... yet, but the option should be there to allow you to automatically d/l firmware updates. I feel like I might be misunderstanding this one though.

Facebook Connectivity: Again, couldn't care less... no facebook. I'm sure this would add value for someone.



Catch-Up TV: I guess it depends on how long we'd have to wait to catch up... a week max before this becomes irrelevant. Unless it's HD, then I might be willing to wait a little longer.

Netflix without Disc: As soon as this is possible, it should be a standard PSN feature. You're already paying for Netflix, and other Blu-Ray players can play Netflix out of the box with no additional charge. Putting this feature in a "premium" package, like a few other items on this list, feels more like denying it to base customers than adding it for premium customers.

Finally, there's the price point. Is anything in here worth $70/year? I think that there's two ways it would be worth that price. First, if they give us free access to all the PSone and PS Minis, plus all the themes, and threw in the Cloud Storage and the Extended Warranty and Sony Exclusive stuff, I'd feel it's worth $70/yr. Likewise, if we got Catch-Up TV, the online Music Service, purely aesthetic member only in-game content or free optionally available-for-purchase DLC, Discounts on Store merch, Full Title Trials, and early access to game betas along with the Warranty and Sony exclusive stuff, then I'd pay the full $70/yr. In my eyes, any other combo (aside from including them all for $70) would only be worth the $30/yr price tag.

That being said, a lot of those features should definitely be included in future firmware updates, and shouldn't be tied to a subscription service. I hope Sony isn't getting greedy with PSN now that the PS3 is finally selling. The optimist in me feels that Sony will come to it's sense and offer a service that provides content rather denying it to the basic customer. The cynic in me keeps picturing Kaz Hirai with big, bulging dollar signs for eyes.

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9:35 PM on 06.12.2009

Get the flock out of here and go flock yourself

Well here we are, 2 and a half months later, and I'm just now seeing this. Thanks guys! I've been doing this thing ever since GTA IV where I've been waiting a few months before playing games and I haven't been keeping up with video game news (aside from watching the E3 pressers recently) to avoid getting over-hyped for games.

Anyway, here are some pictures of the prize.

The top of the box...


...and the front.


The box was full of hotness...

Here are the chicks...


...Also, cocks.


They included some pandemic pigs


Annnnnnnnd.... the highlight of the box (for me anyway)


All the animals were inside of this wacky ass spaceship


This was also included and I have no idea why.


Maybe for probing??

Ah well... this blog post has taken far too long to put up... soooooooo

RANDOM IMAGE GOOOOO!

  read


11:11 AM on 10.07.2008

Nintendo's customer service has failed me!



Let me just start this post by saying that I am a fanboy by no means... but I do have a slight bias for Nintendo products. I feel that this is just something that comes with being 24 and having been raised on the NES, Gameboy, and SNES. A lot of the good memories of my formative years were courtesy of Nintendo, so I am a little biased.



That being said, yesterday my g/f picked up her wii-mote to play the new Harvest Moon on the Wii. She managed to turn the Wii on with the wii-mote, but couldn't do anything else. There were no little blue lights coming on at the bottom of the wii-mote, and no pointer. Assuming the batteries were dead, she replaced them with fresh batteries. Again though, she got no response from the wii-mote. I told her that she could use my controller, and that I'd call Nintendo's customer service to get this fixed. I had no worries and, in fact, had nothing but great expectations (see wat I did thar? With the image?) for the service I was about to get, based on other peoples' experiences I'd read about here on Destructoid.



So I called Nintendo's customer support, and after letting the system know that I'm not a complete idiot, (yes the wii is plugged in, and yes the sensor bar is working] I was connected with a Nintendo customer service rep and I explained the issue to him. He had me go pick up the second wii-mote and try to sync it. When I picked up the wii-mote, it was HOT! I took the battery cover off and tried syncing the controller that wasn't on. I told him that this didn't work, and that the batteries and the wii-mote were both pretty hot. He said that it appears that the Wii Remote is failing to get power from the batteries, and that I should buy a new one. I told him that this controller was a wii-mote bought at launch, and rarely even used, and he told me that the cost of sending it back for repair would be about $50. At this point, I hung up on him. I was amazed at the lack of service provided by a company that I had always had a tremendous amount of respect for.



So now I have a $40 paperweight. Any ideas on what I should do with my worthless dead wii-mote now? I was thinking about wrapping it in a blanket, and putting it in a 100 degree oven for an hour.   read


5:45 PM on 09.07.2008

Red rings, Death Day, and so much more!



That's right! I finally got my first red ring. This 360 was purchased back in April of last year... right before Microsoft announced the Elite. It's been shipped out to Texas, and now I've just got to wait my 4-6 weeks. The good news is, I'll be getting a free month of Gold, which I haven't been subscribed to for a while. Woo hoo!

The title of the blog is also indicative of the fact that I'm finally updating this blog with something more than a MM post. After watching the Dtoid panel, I felt inspired to start blogging again, and decided I should finally put up this post. I know that it's been a while, and on the internet 2 hours is equal to 9,000 hours, but not too long ago there was a MEGA NARP in Cincinnati. Shortly before that it was my birthday. I lost my camera at the NARP, freaked out and assumed it had been stolen. As a result of this false assumption, I left early, because I didn't want any more stuff to be taken! Well that turned out to be a big mistake, because if I had asked a few more bartenders, I would've found that they found my camera (I guess it had fallen out of my pocket!), and were keeping it safe.

So, a few weeks back my camera finally got back to me. I've been meaning to put up a post about the pics on the camera, but I fail at not procrastinating. Since this post is so big, I've split it up into two parts. The first part is about my awesomely brutal death-day cake, and the second part is a dump of pics from my camera of the Cinci-NARP.

Part 1:

So first, on May 28th it was my 24th birthday. Since my girlfriend is a baker, she offered to make me any cake I wanted. I told her that I wanted the most brutal, deadly cake EVAR! I wanted a black cake that would bleed.





She decided to go with red for the trim and lettering of the cake, since red is the color of blood, and blood is (in fact) brutal. She got a bucket of both from work and you can check them out above. This icing was then applied to the cake. The strawberry filling is what makes it bleed!




The cake covered in brutal black icing.

Initially, she decided to put a dumpster full of bloody babies with fake barbwire surrounding the cake by using toothpicks and twist ties. We put in the toothpicks, but couldn't find twist ties anywhere.



The weight of the dumpster was also digging into the cake, and it wouldn't stay on the cake, so she had to come up with a plan B. She decided to work with the dug in portion of the cake by filling it with 'blood' and putting the babies in. She also removed the toothpicks, and they left a good reference for where the candles should go.







The cake was DELICIOUS!






Black icing will fuck your teeth up for a few hours.

Finally, next year I'll be getting a big delicious DESTRUCTOID cake. Shit will be so cash!

Part 2:

The majority of what I had to say was said in the post I put up right after the Cinci-NARP. I wanted to get my impressions and thoughts out while they were still fresh in my head. So below I've got some pictures from the event.


The wonderful bar that hosted all us internet and video game nerds




Britini made a tiny new friend named Bridget

Tazar biting into the always delicious pizza sandwich

Blehman is both a gentleman and a scholar.

Puppet has perfect timing.

Jungle Joe was a weird dude.


EPIC GTA IV flyer!



Britini Martini sitting on GTA IV girl's face. HAWT!

bunnyXablaze and PuppetPallMich playing airhockey


IKILLPXLS (aka GuitarAtomik) rocked the house from day to night!


And so did CosbyTron!




The hotel got ready for Destructoid by installing a robotic panel for the elevator.




Who doesn't just LOVE a trip down memory lane? I know I sure don't! Shut up... noone was talking to you!

Finally I just want to say

THANK YOU!

to Joe Burling (BuckF1tches) and Nino (Ninoog3) for making sure that my camera arrived safe and sound! Thank you guys!   read


5:35 PM on 09.01.2008

Feel the Hatred: 'Fetch' Quests



When I saw this month's musing theme the very first thing that popped into my head was 'The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker'. Don't get me wrong... I LOVED 80% of the game, but once you got to the part where you had to find 8 maps , AND then find enough rupees to get these maps "deciphered" by Tingle, AND THEN you had to go get the pieces by poking around in the sea with your claw... well, at this point I was pulling my hair out! These kinds of fetch quests drive me absolutely insane. Some other examples include: Finding the Artifacts in Metroid Prime, recollecting your team in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I could easily write a paragraph for each of these instances, but I'm ready to move on.



I'm not a fan of being forced to collect things in games. This is why I've never seen the appeal of Mario 64. Many gamers hail it as the beginning of 'doing it right' in 3D platforming, but I can't agree with that at all. The biggest problem that I had with Mario 64, and most other 3D platformers* for that matter, is that they force you to collect things before you can move on to the next 'world', and I'm not happy with all of the 'worlds' in these games. Sometimes I just want to run through a level so I can get to something that interests me... like fighting Bowser. The fact that I have to go into the shitty desert world not once, but up to 7 times pisses me right the fuck off.



After all this ranting and raging, I feel it's only appropriate to point out the games that do fetch quests right. I don't mind having to get 8 magical items... as long as it will help me out later, and it's not mandatory. God of War is a good example of "fetch quests" done right. You can scour the game looking for hidden caches of red orbs so that you can level up all of your weapons and abilities, or you can just go through the game, open the chests you come across, and still have a decent chance of beating the game... the choice is yours.
Another example of this would be the golden bugs in LOZ: Twilight Princess and to a lesser extent the COGs in Gears of War.

Well now... we've vented over tedious collections of trinkets, doodads, and gizmos; told 3D platformers to fuck off; and wrapped it all up by praising those who do it right. After a long journey like this, don't you feel we all deserve a delicious ice cream cone.



Enjoy!

P.S. I started a job where there is NO internet access, so blogging has become infinitely more difficult. The PAX Dtoid panel has inspired to start blogging again though, so you should see some more updates from me some time soon. I've got a pretty big ketchup blog in mind.

*I love Super Mario Galaxy. Yes, you have to collect stars in the same world, but each challenge presents the level in an almost brand new light.   read


5:28 PM on 07.16.2008

Impressions for Goldfish

Microsoft Presser: "Look, we're totally just like Nintendo, but we're way better because you can pay us to customize your Mi...er, Avatar!"

Nintendo Presser: "We won. Suck it mother fuckers. Here's WiiMusic. Now, GDIAF. Hamburger Fists, out. Bitch, stop ya' yakkin' and go make me a sammich!"

Sony Presser: "Little Big Planet can be used instead of power point! Please buy a PSP and PS3 together... it's neat."

Capcom Presser: "WE'RE GOING TO HOLLYWOOD! FUCK YOU GAMERS!"

Konami Presser: "We don't need to let these girls play the game first... I mean, they're real musicians after all. What could possibly go wrong?"


Image related. It's a goldfish... the statements above were written with them in mind.

Overall, I'm excited about voice chat for the Wii and I hope it gets implemented into a lot of games other than Animal Crossing: City Folk. Like, a firmware update so it'll be compatible with SSB:B would be nice. I'm also happy that the Wii-mote is finally going to work the way it always should have, and I'll be picking up Wii Sports Resort just for the sword fighting.

Microsoft didn't really wow me with anything other than the fact that they've finally admitted, though in a round-about way, that they have a big DRE problem with the 360. I'm excited that I can put my games on my HD (20gig :\) so I don't have to worry about them not working. I hope this reduces the likelihood of a RROD, since the DVD drive won't be running. Oh yeah, I almost forgot the obligatory "ZOMG! PS GOT PWND BCUZ FFXIII CUMS TO TEH 360!!!1" statement.

Sony's Presser, while entertaining, didn't get me excited about anything either. I mean, DCU online would be interesting if it were Marvel Universe Online. And MAG? Could this game be any more generic? Generic name, generic look, generic concept. Tease me with God of War III, don't say shit about a new Twisted Metal, and then highlight this MASSIVE pile of fail? TRY AGAIN!



So, this years E3 consisted of lame announcements from the big three, where the only thing of interest was that they were fixing their consoles. And in the case of Sony, since it's not broken, they're not doing much of anything except for working on making massive blu-ray failure. Sorry, I meant massive action game. My bad.   read


3:46 PM on 07.03.2008

"Ghostbusters: The Game" Must Fail!!



Who isn't excited about Ghostbusters: The Game? I know I'm excited. The ability to hunt, fight, and capture 3D, high-def ghosts with my friends online really got me excited. Hearing that the game is going to be written by the original writers and voiced by most of the original cast has got me sold. But some idle mind wandering has got me second guessing my decision to check out the game once it's released.



What's next? Police Academy: The Game? Purple Rain: The Game? C.H.U.D.: The Game? Well, that last one actually sounds pretty cool. I think you know what I'm getting at here. If Ghostbusters: The Game is a financial success, this will inspire other developers to go back and make other games based on the era. As great as that sounds, a lot of work and love has gone into this newest iteration of the Ghostbusters video game and what I fear is that making old movies into games will become the next big trend. The quality of these cash-ins is not going to be anywhere near Ghostbusters' quality, and in a few years, we'll all be sick of the 80s... again.


Take it easy on the images... I'm working with MSPaint until I can be arse'd to d/l GIMP again to my laptop.

What do you think? Does the prospect of playing through a new "Karate Kid" game horrify you? Or do you think that some lucky developer could forever change the "E.T." legacy by creating a great game based on the IP. Despite these bone-chilling visions, I am going to pick up Ghostbusters... just a few months after the release so that I don't pump up their initial sales numbers.

  read


1:05 AM on 06.20.2008

IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!

I
T
'
S

Do you see what I did there?

[size=9001]IT'S[\size]   read


6:59 PM on 06.01.2008

Epic Cinci NARP was EPIC

I'm sure you'll see a ton of these today because everyone's getting home, but so far noone's put up pictures. Unfortunately, my camera was stolen/lost at the Wings and Rings, so I'm not going to be able to post any pics from the event either. I felt that without pics it wouldn't warrant posting, but since there aren't any up now, I'll go ahead anyway.

Firstly, everyone... everyone was fucking awesome. The night of the pre-NARP in the hotel was awesome-sauce on a great big fucking WIN-steak. I'm not a very social person, but I felt comfortable the entire time I was there talking to people that I'd never even seen on Dtoid, which is amazing for me. Oh, and just wait until you guys see the group picture... I'll just say that Rockstar "fucking rocks!" and leave it at that.

From here, I think I'll go all "stream of consciousness": Rockstar and Wings and Rings got rickrolled! Keener and Steamy V are two of the nicest people I've ever met in my life. Joe Burling and Asian Joe looked fuckin' sharp. Britini loves Meme the Midget. Bunnie drives like there's no tomorrow and recreates scenes from "The Pagemaster" in the back seat of her car, while puppet juggles $5,000 cameras. :D Speaking of Puppet, he's, ironically, a really nice guy and he speaks highly of White Castle and Balls. Coonskin knows when to hit the booze and hit it hard. BigPopaGamer has a mysterious tale of intrigue that involves the missing 'p' in his screen name. Blehman looks JUST LIKE John Lennon. Perkins has delicious breakfast at affordable prices. itemforty drove from fucking Texas and likes to eat fast food as a treat while his g/f isn't looking. Don't order the cheeseburger from "Wings and Rings"! However, I will recommend their $1 jello shots, a cheap and easy way to get drunk. Cheeburga + Britini = Wonder Twins! Tazar got a very sexy b-day present courtesy of Droobies (use your imagination). GuitarAtomik fucking ROCKS and he and Tazar got screwed by "Target Terror". ZServ wasn't in the picture:(. Ron is a maniac, and I mean that in the best way possible. Did I mention that CosbyTron fucking rocks, because he FUCKING ROCKS. Sevink got lucky as the bombs starting falling, but he is a very competent opponent. "Who's Jesus?" What's an "outside"? Nino, Steamy V, Joe Burling, and Ron are Gods for putting this together, and I think that this NARP proves that Ron Workman has the largest E-peen in the history of the internet.   read


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