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10:32 AM on 09.01.2009

5 reasons why Hilter has bettered your life

Some people see a top 5 and grunt in disgust, others enjoy reading I figured I would give you all something you least expected...try not to take it too seriously.

Sure he was insane, but aren't we all to some degree and sure he was responsible for the murder of millions upon millions of generations, but lets be honest with ourselves, if we came into that much power...we would kill people too.

Well, maybe not but lets not kid ourselves. When we get together we enjoy the lightly racist joke here and there. Even if you are not Caucasian, you would enjoy jokes being made about Caucasians (Most black comedians have proved this). Hilter just decided to take the humor of racism and turn it into genocide. No biggy.

So with that being said, lets have a look at the things he has done to make your life better.

While he may not be the inspirational leader you would right an essay about in Highschool, he was classic example of how somebody who was brought into a world with nothing can become the most feared and followed man in existence, which is more than what I can say for myself.

After failing art school Hitler said 'Fuck it, if I can't put a dint in the art world, I'll just put a massive dint in the world itself'...and he wasn't joking. After failing Multimedia, I said 'Fuck it, if I can't put a dint in the art world, I'll just sit at home and write about how Hitler is better than me'...Inspirational.

...who wrote a best selling book

Wow, big deal. Thousands of people write books that sell millions of copies every year. While this is true, keep in mind that most of the time books sell because the content is creative (in the eyes of the target audeince of course). Hitler sold books because he was Hitler. People didn't give a fuck about what was written in it. Well...maybe some Neo Nazi morons out there hold it close to their heart while singing the American National Anthem (Which never made sense to me considering Hitler was German) but none of this matters in terms of writing talent. Which Hitler had none of.

People read what he wrote because they hated in turn, he was the first troll on a global scale. And while you may think that having trolls existing does not benefit us as a whole, you forget that without them (as I have stated before), we cannot know what is shit, and therefore we cannot recognize what is true greatness.

If you were (or are) ugly as a child, fear not! Hitler proved one thing above all else (aside from Vegetarians being fucking crazy), which was that even if you are cute as a kid, you can still turn out fucked as an adult. Both mentally and physically. So when your friends come up to you and show you their precious month old spawn and wait for you to compliment it, all you need to say is, 'Hitler was cute as a baby too'.

I hope that from reading this, your self esteem issues will be shot out of this world, the same way Hitler's existence was when he put a barrel and a cyanide capsule between his teeth.

Have you even read his Wikipedia page? I got half way through it and thought to myself that it's an effort to read all the shit, let alone do it. Seriously, the guy never stopped. Which tells me one thing: The less you do, the better off you will be.

Hitler is a prime example of this, he seemed to keep moving like clockwork and what did it get him in the end? A failed campaign that is now frowned upon in every society around the world. It just goes to show you that you just need to take your time, relax and let the important things take care of themselves. The way America did during the war before Pearl Harbor got attacked.

He may have fixed the German economy back in the mid 1940's but we are in 2009 now and although the global economy is still fucked (Cheers America), the influence Hitler has had on our modern economy is only positive.

We have countless World War II video games, films, documentaries, television series (Which are ironically mostly owned by Jewish Investors), books, papers, testimonials and memorabilia. Not to mention the circulation of money generated from war profiteering which started with World War II and is probably now the digital dollar you use to pay for games online because you can't be fucked walking down to the store to use hard currency...fuck, now I am preaching aren't I?

But do you or I care in the long run? Of course not. After writing this I'm going to go back to playing Call Of Duty and not giving a shit about the lives that were sacrificed so that I could be entertained by imitating their actions on a controller while having a chuckle.

Well, with that being said. I will leave you with a classic comedy piece which had me in fits of laughter when I first saw it:


Note: While I realize that even human beings with the most outrageous sense of humor could still be offended with my writing here, try not to take it too seriously. I stated 5 reasons he bettered your life because I couldn't be fucked writing 10,000 ways he worsened it. But who cares anyway, the fucker is dead and anybody who still follows his fascism needs to go out the way he did.

Tune in next week for: The 5 (or 10) video characters most likely to rape something

P.S - I would have noted that he created Volkswagen...but as I said, this is about how he bettered our lives   read

7:41 PM on 08.27.2009

A warm welcome is in order (please don't rape me)

Unlike my personal blog, I wanted to start this with some class and some style. I figured what better way to start off a blog dedicated to countdown's than to post up the blog that inspired me to do it in the first place. If you don't like the fact that I have reposted this again, then be sure to leave a descriptive comment on how you think I am a freshly shit out piece of corn.

Each week (Or more consistently, depending on if I can be fucked or not) I will be posting up a top 5 or top 10. Sometimes completely random...sometimes not. Sometimes relevant and other times, pants on head retarded. If anybody else feels like getting involved and doing a Dtoid Countdown on ANYTHING, then don't hesitate to contact me via one of the links on the right. The following is a classic example of what I will be putting together on a regular basis, Enjoy the:

Top 10 Reasons why Destructoid should fuck your mum (that's mom for all you non-Australians out there)

We have a robot for our mascot, hence we shit on everything on the internet without even trying. What Mechwarrior and Neon Genesis started, Destructoid has completed. If you fuck with us, we will fist your anus with a robotic cannon. FTW.

While most commoners believe gaming is for fat losers that don't have lives, we know better. While for the most part it might be true, we embrace the life we have and don't deny that we are part of a different breed of human.

When the second coming of Christ comes upon the world in the form of my first son being pushed out of his mothers vagina, the world will soon come to a shattering end. But we, being the mighty mother fuckers that we are, will be uplifted and loved and saved without repentance.

If you are on Destructoid, you play games. If you play games, you are not welcome in paradise, because you are already fucking in it.


While Destructoid is based on gaming, there are many people who use Destructoid as a way of venting about other things in life.

Sexual frustration, 4chan, lack of love, being too pale from lack of vitamin D, music, film, bestiality...the list goes on. Hell, my interview with Dillinger Escape Plan was one of the most commented blogs I have written and most people have no idea who the fuck they are. Which says one guys need to know your music better.

No shit people, I don't know the guy that well. In fact, I don't know him at all. But his story on Destructoid is something you could make a B Grade movie from which is more than I can say for our boring ass lives. He is also living proof that with dedication and skill you can be picked up on and given what you deserve.

When I first joined Destructoid, I wrote masses of shit in a very uncaring manner 'What's changed?' some of you will say. It was only I witnessed this video that Mr. Sterling put together telling his story as a coked up Sonic the Hedgehog, thanking Niero and Destructoid, that I thought to myself, "This is what it is all about! And this is a story that has true heart behind it".

As I said, I don't know Jim that well, and I haven't been here that long, but it didn't take me long to learn that his story is one you have to respect, regardless of whether you enjoy his written pieces or not (Don't answer until you read this). You gotta tip your hat to the guy...from being a blogger like most of us to becoming the reviews editor of a successful gaming site. It's a fucken constructive and entertaining story. Write a book, Jim. I'd read it.

Trolls...they enrich our writing and reading lives because at the end of the day; how can we appreciate greatness without first recognizing shit. Much like how a person needs to fail before they can succeed, as a collective we cannot know true art without first establishing ball sweat.

While the internet as a whole has many trolls. Destructoid has a select few.But my personal favorite to laugh at is Kyousuke Nanbu. And I would give you an example of his elite trolling abilities, but all you really need to do is read this, write something he doesn't approve of and then wait for him to make a hypocrite out of himself.

Seriously, Nanbu, you (like every troll before you) are the result of a woman shitting into a toilet and having the sperm from the previous male occupant splash up into her vagina. Sometimes things just happen that we have no say in...9/11, the columbine massacre, Aids...and You.

Time to start writing your paragraphs of overdone insults buddy, I need a laugh.

While many people believe blogging to be a waste of time. Niero has proved otherwise. The following has been copied and pasted from Destructoid's own history because I couldn't be fucked writing it into my own words due to it being explained well enough here:

The company began as a one man blog: It was Yanier Gonzalez's childhood dream to run a hardcore video gamer's club -- a dream later revived when at he was denied entrance to the E3 press conference in 2006 because he wasn't one of the press. Using "Niero" as his pen name, Yanier created a critical blog overnight with indie programmer Tom Lackner's new ElephantBlog software that dared to call out rampant, misleading PR in games media -- picking up an instant readership at the height the HD gaming boom. The site's popularity soared when it began biting the hands that fed it, protesting "stuffy games journalism" at the event by showing up in a giant robot helmet as "Mr. Destructoid" (now the Destructoid mascot). With a solid readership and a memorable brand to boot the company opened an office to turn its sights on better serving the gamer community at large, and the rest is history.

What a story of success. To go from what most of us do on here to living a life supported by it. It truly is a dream being lived.

Lets face it, wherever there is money, there are suits with dollar signs for eyes and contracts demanding you let them fuck your anus for more cash. Trust me, I shamefully work at EB games and I see the anal raping first hand. It is like watching a wolf in sheep's clothing woo the Ewe into presenting, then watching the Ewe get ripped apart while a bunch of other wolves come out and start an animalistic bukakke in praise of the rape at hand.

While Destructoid is a site which obviously makes money. Money has always seemed to be a distant second in the listing of what is important to the overall feel of Destructoid. These guys know what they are talking about and have a true love for what it is they are involved in. They don't just love their gaming but they love their community. And it is obvious because they don't sit up high above the community with a god complex demanding we choke on their dicks and drown in their vagina's.

No matter how serious a post is, there is always an element of fun behind it. It doesn't take long to pick up on the overall feel of Destructoid, and the writing from everybody becomes part of that overall collective humor. In the short time I have been here I have witnessed multiple comment wars, drunk blogs, personal opinions and much useless information written in a constructive and entertaining manner.

Most people log on to the internet to check their facebook, myspace, twitter or whatever retarded social structure of digital masturbation they have going on to keep their closed off lives fulfilled with 'friends'. Destructoid has pretty much come to be that for me. And it is because it never tries to take itself too seriously and always has the same advice at the end of the day, which is STFUAJPG. Great advice.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I find myself writing about video games nearly as much as I play them. Which I never thought could be possible. Possibly the greatest thing about video game journalism is the dedication its readers have to the cause and the strong opinions they have towards it.

It is very rare that you will have somebody Neutral in a discussion to do with gaming and because of this, it creates great feedback which a community can become involved in. Given, some blogs you put effort into don't get the recognition you would have expected or would have personally liked. But at the end of the day, who gives a shit. Writing has always been more about putting down onto paper Or in this case onto a digital document what is in your heart and your head. The aftermath, being people giving the thumbs up or down and an explanation into why they feel like they do about your thoughts, is an interesting process.

In the end, I just love to write, and Destructoid makes that easy for me to do with readers that contribute their thoughts, retarded or not.

There are plenty of video game related websites around. I remember becoming a member of IGN in 1999 when it was smaller than Destructoid. Somewhere along the line, being a member meant you were a customer and it was around that time that I walked away.

The collective that makes up Destructoid is where the greatness comes from.

I have been around the internet like a cheap hooker. Whoring myself out to see if anybody notices and what I have come to realize and love about Dtoid is that even if you write something, the feedback is genuine Unless of course you are a fuckwit that writes shit.

I have noted on several occasions that I thoroughly enjoy the community here at Destructoid. At one end we have a group of talented professionals who are payed to run the site with a consistently entertaining flow of news feeds, reviews and personal opinions to bite. At the other end, we have cyber-abortions like Kyousuke Nanbu flooding the veins of the internet with uninformed, untalented babble that makes Eminem look like Shakespeare. And of course, what comes in between is you. The reader, the writer and the contributor, whom makes places like Destructoid have a much more personal aspect to them.

Most Destructoidians have different reasons as to why they write what they do, but at the end of the day it is a process which they have taken time out of their lives to put something up for the rest of the collective to check out and hopefully enjoy. In particular, the Cblog Recaps and Hamza's highlights prove that there is a community there and if you write something that is worth while, it will get the attention it deserves. Hell, even if you write a pile of shit, you will get a collective mention in the fail blogs.

I have been topsaused, failblogged and mentioned a few times and while most people on here would have no idea who the fuck I am, the idea that there is a group of people committed to putting out there for others, the collective works that are worth reading for better or for worse, is an idea that brings us together and makes writing worth while.

Cheers Destructoid, you can fuck my mother anytime!

Be sure to add the Dtoid Countdown so you can check out the next installment: Top 10 Animals to Molest   read

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