hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts


Dreamweaver's blog

4:20 AM on 08.25.2015

Honest thoughts and troubled hearts (personal blog)

Hey there, it's your boy Dreamweaver! It's been quite a while since I've blogged anything (I don't really count Comments of the Week being a blog as it is a community showcase) and while I do say some stuff while on duty of my recaps every Sunday, I wanted to just take the time and talk about some random things going inside my head.

As you can tell from the title, there's going to be some good thoughts and some bad ones. Normally, this is the kind of fluff that I'd normally file under my recaps, but since both sides of my mind are a wee bit personal, I thought it best to say it under my own name. In case you don't wanna hear me complain, I've marked the bleak, bitchy part so you can safely read for the light-hearted side of me.

The Bright Side (happy as can be)

So, let's go with the good first. I haven't bought a CD in months (I prefer physical format, and they look decent sitting on a shelf) so I was kind of excited to get one lately. Now, don't laugh, but out of all the albums I've missed over the months, I decided to get Tove Lo's "Queen of the Clouds". Yeah, I chose that Swedish pop singer that you've been hearing over the radio lately over someone like Imagine Dragons. By the way, I hate the song "Radioactive," but I do like their other stuff.

Anyway, I bought Tove Lo's CD because I really like the song "Talking Body" and it's pretty damn clear why if you knew the words:

Talking Body

"Now if we're talking body,
You got the perfect one so put it on me,
Swear it won't take you long,
If you love me riiiiight,
We fuck for liiiiiife
On and on and on"

Yes, it's totally a pop song I'd fuck to. Technically, the words to "Habits (Stay High)" is also nice because it's a song about a girl getting high to numb the pain of breaking up with someone she likes. If you guys know me, I'm a sucker for romance and things of that nature, so I wanted to check out her other songs to see what else she has. So far, I'm definitely guaranteed to pick up her other albums because I really like her lyrics. They have a certain lovey-dovey, almost fantasy-like, feel to them that I love to listen to. Here's a couple more examples of her other songs:


"I'm... not the prettiest you've ever seen
But I have my moments, I have my moments

Not the flawless one, I've never been
But I have my moments, I have my moments
I can get a little drunk, I get into all the don'ts
But on good days I am charming as fuck

I can get a little drunk, I get into all the don'ts
But on good days I am charming as fuck"

It really has a "confessional" like tone to it like she's trying to convince someone to like her, and she still manages to slip in a curse word. :P

Like Em Young

"Hey boy, you're too young for me but I
Don't care 'cause you're all I see
I like 'em young

I... I like 'em young
Eyes wide oh, you're so naive thinkin'
No one knows better than me
I like 'em young

I... I like 'em young"

You know older woman are my cup of tea, so I like the idea of a song about innocent younger men and experienced woman. I've also been told I'm quite naive, so hey, I can relate!

The Way That I Am

"Yeah I'm falling in love and I hope that you want me
The way that I am
Falling in love and I know I can't change me
Do you understand?"

It sounds gooey romantic, though to be honest, I'm actually still trying to figure out the meaning of the song. I didn't post the whole lyrics, but I can't tell if she's a "bad girl" that wants a good guy or vice versa. I really hope that it's the first one though because, I don't know, I've been into badasses lately.

Not On Drugs

"I'm up with the kites, in a dream so blue
I live in the sky, you come live here too
I'm queen of the clouds, make my wish come true
I sing to the night, let me sing to you"

You may have noticed I didn't bold anything (well, again). That's because I love the entire hook! This is the "fantasy-like" feel I mentioned earlier, and if I close my eyes while listening, I can imagine a song like this being sung to me from a beautiful goddess. That's some poetry.

So, as you noticed, I don't regret picking up the CD. There are some songs I don't like as much, and one track I absolutely hate, but all in all, I really enjoyed my purchase. And I'm so glad that I bought this when I did because it's actually been giving me a much-needed boost in creative energy. I've been kind of hit with writer's block for a while so being back to overflowing with ideas has me a little more chipper than usual.

What's also been making my mind more active is... edging. Yes, the sexual act of masturbating until you're just about to cum, then suddenly stopping (or violently squeezing the fuck out of the tube to prevent ejaculating) has actually been making story ideas just come to me. I've been writing a little bit more lately, and it's been bringing me nice feelings of expressing myself again. Which "would" be a good thing except no one has been reading them but me. I am planning to somewhat change that though.

As I mentioned before in my recaps, I've been starting a sort of pet project, and when I'm finished, I really hope you guys would do me the honor of checking it out and giving me critique. If I actually finish it, AND have the courage to post it, of course.

I'm kind of confident though. The thing is, I've been too depressed lately because of my username. If you don't remember, I once said that it has a two-fold meaning that's very dear to me: I want to "create dreams" by not only making mine come true, but also by inspiring others to create their own. It's something that a wider-eyed version of me once said, and for months I've been slowly going cynical. I'd have changed it by now if it wasn't so recognizable to everyone here.

However, with things in the creative department going good, I feel like maybe it's a good thing I didn't change it. Maybe I do deserve it, after all.

The Dark Side (yet still haunted by nightmares)

So you can tell that my pet project is something I'm taking quite seriously, which makes me worried as fuck. That means, even though I won't get anything from this, this is still basically a showcase of my talents, and I'm not entirely feeling confident about it. I'm giving it my all, but I'm afraid that it might not be enough. Sometimes hard work and trying your best isn't enough. Sometimes, you either have it or you don't, and I'm not sure where I stand. I took a creative writing class a while back, and while my teacher assures me I have some talent, I can't help but think the entire class was just flat-out better than me. It's one thing when it's only a couple of students, but it seems like everyone just knew what they're doing and I'm well below average. Like, I went there to learn and try my earnest when they went there for an easy A they half-assed.

What's also been eating me up is loneliness. Obviously, all this talk of relationships and love from Tove Lo reminds me that I'm always going to be alone forever, and it still hurts to think about it. Before you guys say anything about that not being true, in some ways it pretty much is. I know it's naive and foolish to only want the perfect girl, but I doubt the kind of girls I like are the kind of girls who would even consider dating someone like me. Yeah, beggers can't be choosers, but still.

Why am I even thinking about relationships anyway? I still don't know what I'm doing in life, and I can't keep taking community classes just to stall for time. I'm wasting other people's time, and other people's money. I don't even know what to do with my life, and it's not like I can even get a job. Hell, my little brother's honestly working his ass off trying to hold one down because he has the worst luck with jerk employers, so how the hell is a screw up like me expected to find work when I can't even wash dishes or bus tables? I'm too afraid to even ask for a job because I'm afraid that I'll manage to fuck up IF they would even give me an interview.

It seems like everyone around me is moving on with their lives. My older brother is now a police officer, albeit one who works at a prison. My younger brother is going to school for radiology or something to become a physical therapist. My cousin finished basic training and has shipped out to South Korea -- what unfortunate timing -- to become military police. Even his friend, who's a deadbeat, is even considering joining the army because he realized that he's going nowhere in life, and considering his physicality, I'm pretty sure he's a shoe-in. Meanwhile, I'm tiptoeing around my parents every day thinking this might be the day they'll lose their patience and kick me out. The only reason they haven't is, like I said, I'm taking community college classes to stall for time. I don't even intend to pass; I'm just out of the house so they think I'm doing something with my life.

I don't know what I'm doing. I only have one class this semester but it sounds like too much work for me to handle so I don't know whether I should try it or drop out. I want to give it a fair shot, but the thing is, it's not me footing the bill. My mom paid for the class, without financial aid no less, and I feel like I have to at least try.... but if I try and fail, I'll lose everything whereas if I pull out now, I can save her money. Meanwhile, for once in fucking how long, I feel like I can actually do something creative, and I don't want to risk dropping the pet project because I got overwhelmed with school. On the other hand, I know it's not like it's my future or anything, so it's stupid to drop school to do something only for possible fulfillment. And I still could get an AA degree... but you know, maybe that doesn't matter as much as I think.

I still have thoughts about dying. Not necessarily killing myself, but sometimes I wish I could be in the wrong place at the wrong time ticking the wrong people off. Sometimes I find myself glaring at unsavory people just wishing someone gets offended and kill me. My hero's mentality would prefer to lose my life saving another, but I'm pretty sure I won't be as lucky. Still, suicide isn't completely out of my mind. I remember breaking into tears when I read a quote on the internet that said something along the lines "suicide is just an angel's way of returning home." Fuck, I've been almost obsessed with that quote. Not enough to actually remember the damn thing verbatim, but enough that it keeps me up at night.

Forgive me of my rant. Sometimes I just need to blow off some steam, and keeping it in isn't always something I can do. I know people have extended their hands to me, but I feel like both trying to be considerate of their feelings by not always bitching, and trying to be tougher than I really am. Which isn't much, considering I can't even break my own hand. I've been frustrated enough times to the point where I started punching the ground in anger, and all I have to show for it is some scraped skin drawing only drops any blood that you'd have to dig to get. In fact, being weak actually made me mad enough that I kept punching the ground again and again trying to actually break my hand until I couldn't take the pain anymore. And no, I still didn't.

It's funny. I always thought I was the ONLY ONE in my family who didn't have anger issues. Turns out I'm a failure there too. Not surprised.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, lately, I've been just edging on my bed when I'm supposed to be sleeping. Not JUST because I'm addicted to porn, but because edging to orgasm but never actually getting it (which sounds like a metaphor to some life lesson :|) just fills me in a elated state of mind. I don't know why but sometimes it brings me to tears because it's such a good feeling that I don't want it to stop, like I can just ignore everything else about my life. If I weren't so weak in the sex department, maybe it would actually last more than a fucking minute. I've been trying to edge almost every chance I get just to feel it again no matter how brief it is.

The Weird Side (back to normal... whatever that is)

I feel like there's no easy way to end something like this, so why don't I try lighten the mood with my weirdness a bit? I'm normally not one to watch porn videos because I don't like the animation in hentai AND I haven't really been interested in real life women, but there's this one porn video I found myself watching over and over again. While I won't link it, it has a woman basically sucking a guy off while in public: they hide themselves in a corner somewhere in the middle of an area, and she kneels down with her clothes on (though she flashes her boobs). He uses his camera to look at the people walking by not knowing what's going on, and there's dozens of people around in a much closer proximity than you think.

That's not even the part that turns me on the most. Afterwards, he finishes in her mouth, but some of the cum dribbles down her chin. She doesn't swallow or wipes it off: she just gets up and walks around with cum on her face while flicking the cum in her mouth with her tongue. I wish she walked into a crowd of people like that, and was sad that they walked down a more empty alley instead. She does quickly wipes off the cum on her chin and licks her hand clean just before someone passes them by, but for some reason that right there arouses me the most. Not the sucking or the moneyshot, just her casually walking around with cum on her face and licking it up.

Apparently, there's a hashtag for stuff like this and it's called "cumwalk." I think I found a new favorite fetish. It can be completely devoid of sex, yet a woman walking around in public with cum on her body is just so fucking hot. Goddess bless the internet.


9:01 AM on 08.23.2015

Comments of the Week - Don't open the door!


I-It isn't what it looks like! I was only using your panties to clean the cum of my penis because I ran out of tissue paper and... I'm grounded again, aren't I?

Welcome back to Comments of the Week! This is a community showcase where I scout out the best comments said during the week and compile them all into one place for you folks to gawk at. So whether you been away and missed all the crazy happenings, or simply want to relive all those wonderful moments, then this is for you. As always, comments are categorized into three sections:

TRUTH: having sex can reduce a fever because of all the sweat produced.

LOL: why don't we try that the next time you get sick?

WUT?: oh come on, what else were you going to do in bed?

Well, this is an awkward situation I find myself in. She's totally going to crush my weiners again, isn't she? Just head on down to the comments, you don't want to see this.


From Gallery: Our favorite cosplay from Comiket 88


Dreamweaver: Hot.


Dreamweaver: Also cocks.

From The Nathan Drake Collection goes to the ends of the earth for you


Dreamweaver: There's no way that ass has been Uncharted.


Dreamweaver: What the fuck is a woman?

From 343i: The problem with split-screen co-op is 'nontrivial'


Dreamweaver: If Fallout 4 has no glitches, we riot.


Dreamweaver: Get your game together, Microsoft. Literally.


Dreamweaver: I'd buy a dictionary that defined words like that!

From Final Fantasy Type-0 HD hits PC with extra HD, system requirements


Dreamweaver: Grinding instead of actually putting it in would also lead to declined birth rates.

From Media Molecule reveals Tearaway Unfolded: Special Edition


Dreamweaver: I never heard so much truth in one place before.

From Sony's VR headset Morpheus is complete, just needs games


Dreamweaver: Hear, hear!

From This LEGO rendition of Hyrule Castle is a work of art


Dreamweaver: Plot twist: that's the house they live in.

From Hate spiders but want to play Spider? Use this cheat code to play as a walrus


Dreamweaver: And a lot more gruesome to step on.

From Konami is asking what games we'd like to see come back


Dreamweaver: Fuck, it's a trap!

From You need to watch the Rocket League grand finals


Dreamweaver: Seriously, it's like soccer but not boring.


From Here's the new box art for Quantum Break


Dreamweaver: The gritty Pokemon Snap reboot.

From From the makers of Huniepop comes Huniecam Studios


Dreamweaver: Friendship means dick? I got some friendship for hookers, then.

From Sorry America, Korea is getting regular New 3DS


Dreamweaver: I hope the white stuff on the water are soap suds...

From I can't keep up with all these Splatoon updates!


Dreamweaver: Plot twist: that wasn't even his Camero.

From Save space whales from disease in this pretty platformer


Dreamweaver: Buster? I hardly know her!

From There's going to be a Goosebumps video game


Dreamweaver: I know, right? Should've tapped that and gave her Goosebumps.

From The Binding of Isaac: Afterbirth is bringing giant death lasers


Dreamweaver: It also has free Wi-Fi!

From D&D Forgotten Realms CRPGs are now available on


Dreamweaver: So he's the only human among them? That's not going to end well for him.


Dreamweaver: Jed gets what Jed wants.

From Sony's VR headset Morpheus is complete, just needs games


Dreamweaver: Looting that booty.

From Risen 3: Titan Lords Enhanced Edition


Dreamweaver: Well, that's my good deed for the day.

From Azure Striker and Mighty Gunvolt are headed to PC this month


Dreamweaver: Actually, she did. She's still not sure what happened.

From EA goes way over the top to promote Madden


Dreamweaver: You'd have to be mad :P

From 5 Years At Destructoid, 5 Of My Favorite Moments


Dreamweaver: "Fuck"... pancakes, because waffles are clearly better. DO FLAPJACKS HAVE CERVICES TO HOLD MY SYRUP!?


From Rumored Mario Kart XXL prototype discovered and shown to the world


Dreamweaver: I see everything, Gaj. EVERYTHING.


Dreamweaver: Where can I get one?

From Windows 10 can disable your pirated games


Dreamweaver: He's gonna have great complexion.

From Review: Beyond Eyes



From What does your Rocket League car look like?


Dreamweaver: I love how all their avatars are all suitable responses to the situation.

From Resident Evil: Revelations 2 is not so great on Vita, stick to the console version


Dreamweaver: Hey, leave Calculus class out of this!

From Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 may come west after all


Dreamweaver: ...Okay, he's excused. WHAT'S YOUR REASON!?

From Pac-Man 256, from the developers of Crossy Road, is out now



From Review: Fingered


Dreamweaver: Only the knuckles? Amateur.

From Half-Life 2 in the style of Hotline Miami is the best thing on the Internet today


Dreamweaver: ...No.

From Bikinis, volleyball confirmed for Dead or Alive Xtreme 3


Dreamweaver: Does he use a compass or does he just knows?

Alright, that's it for this week! I hope you enjoyed it, and maybe we'll meet again next week! As always, leave your favorite comments down below, or anything that I might've missed this edition. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm grounded to my room. Good thing I snuck another pair of panties into my pocket just in case, and it's slightly warm!


6:54 PM on 08.17.2015

Comments of the Week - Keep crushing my weiners


Welcome back to Comments of the Week! This is a community showcase where the best of the best comments -- because I'm seemingly everywhere, you know -- are compiled into one convenient location for all you folks to fap at! So whether you missed out because you "have a life," or you need a reminder of all the crazy happenings that happen down here, then this is for you. As always, comments are placed into three categories:

TRUTH: April Showers bring May Flowers.

LOL: Now that's my idea of a threesome.

WUT?: I wonder if any other month sounds like a porn star's name.

Did you miss last week's edition, with the weird soap opera featuring sex, bots, and breakups? Well, better fap to that while you still can, you damn youngsters with your rock hard erections.


From Splatoon player finds a way to play as an Octoling


Dreamweaver: ...Kyle's over 12? <3

From Metal Gear Solid V 1080p PS4, 900p Xbox One and PC system requirements


Dreamweaver: It needs to drink more cranberry juice.

From Fallout fallout: 'Very long time' until Skyrim sequel


Dreamweaver: Gosh darn it, Asterion.

From It only took 112 tries to beat Dark Souls' hardest boss with voice commands


Dreamweaver: So... like any other law firm?

From Her Story has sold over 100,000 in the past month


Dreamweaver: Does it end with "I did not have sexual relations with that woman"?

From Konami is killing PES 2014 servers in November


Dreamweaver: They lived long enough to become the villain.

From The Humble Namco Bundle bonus games are, uh, yeah


Dreamweaver: That also brought a smile to my face.

From Final Fantasy vets, Scottish studio making a RPG


Dreamweaver: ...I think I found a new fetish.

From Funcom's in a bad way after poor Lego MMO performance


Dreamweaver: Which is why they have the opposite of a profit.



Dreamweaver: Can't wait for the Dark Souls BDSM porn.


Dreamweaver: Only Souls players will get how true that is!

From Welp, Twitch is playing Dark Souls


Dreamweaver: Are they STILL in the opening area?


From Fire Emblem Fates might get one bundled package in the west


Dreamweaver: I got a sweet staff myself. :3

From Tiny Avengers aspires to be an official Marvel product


Dreamweaver: He wants to be the condom.

From Legitimate videos DMCA'd off Vimeo by Pixels movie copyright enforcers


Dreamweaver: Now you see him, now you don't.

From ESL introduces random drug testing for their eSports tournaments


Dreamweaver: I can't get on my bike either, and I don't do drugs!

From Fallout 4 gameplay leaks via porn site


Dreamweaver: Tits do not feel like "forever," they feel like heaven. Unless they're fake.



From Skyrim's Daedric axe is even more badass in real life


Dreamweaver: But he knees that face!

From Super Meat Boy's designer will let us get Fingered for cheap on August 18


Dreamweaver: I love it when the avatars match the comment.

From Dr. Mario looks like the next exclusive amiibo


Dreamweaver: I hope he has plenty of lube.

From EA on Star Wars Battlefront: Most people would've skipped single-player


Dreamweaver: What if Gaj IS his dad?

From I used to love Konami


Dreamweaver: That's a scary ass Pokemon.


From Quick Posts are such a good idea!


Dreamweaver: Just whistle while you work it.

From I somehow have the ability to give 34 faps.


Dreamweaver: He acquired them from the same people in that order.

From Bandai Namco might be localizing Tales of Link


Dreamweaver: I was hoping for sausages.

From I'm fucking Matt Damon


Dreamweaver: I'm not :(


Dreamweaver: Will the real Matt Damon please stand up?

From Criminal Girls 2 gets a real trailer, don't watch it at work


Dreamweaver: Seem legit.

From Pro tip: You can sprint in Everybody's Gone to the Rapture


Dreamweaver: Why do we let them speak English again?


Dreamweaver: Is this a new Dtoid religion?

From Unmasked, these Mortal Kombat X characters are goofy as hell


Dreamweaver: Can't tell if I'm hungry or horny.

From Team Fortress 2 also Am Bread, too


Dreamweaver: That's what I say when I take Viagra.

From Report unearths more info for canceled Rayman 4


Dreamweaver: The best kind of sex.

From Which video games did you grow up with?


Dreamweaver: ...

Well, that's all for now! I hope you enjoyed this week's edition, and be sure to let people know if there's any comments that I've missed, and what comments did you enjoy. My personal favorite either has to be the last chain of comments (Corduroy Turtle's) or the one involving TooManyPossum's freaky ass rat.


6:42 PM on 08.10.2015

Comments of the Week - Can't get it up edition


Welcome back to Comments of the Week! While I may have been a bit away during the week, that didn't stop me from spying on you guys! Like Batman and Gotham City, I'm where the site needs me most so even though Gamescom saw a lot of news post and a bunch of comments to sort through, I still had time to surf through articles because, quite frankly, I am (hopefully temporary) sexually impotent and thus spent a lot less time watching porn and way more time watching YOU. SO START FUCKING ALREADY, DAMMIT!

Er, sorry about that. Nicole with half her shirt ripped off is hot, but I can't do a thing about it. Anyway, as always, comments are placed into three categories:

TRUTH: the average male ejaculates at 28 miles per hour.

LOL: I must not be average then!

WUT?: Because I can't do it at all. :(

Well, I guess it's a good thing we got that "community gathering" last week, eh? Don't tell me you forgot all about it!


From Holy crap, this report on how Konami treats its employees is horrifying


Dreamweaver: They can't. Konami ensures they NEVER leave.

From Entire 'Gears of War Collection' unlocked on Xbox One by playing Ultimate Edition


Dreamweaver: You mean buying this game won't get me laid? What the fuck, Microsoft!

From The Lord of the Rings Online shuts down most of its worlds


Dreamweaver: Right down to the multiple chins!

From Thimbleweed Park has an Anthony Burch doppelganger


Dreamweaver: Bury the Burch.

From Comcept finally confirms that the Mighty No. 9 2016 delay is REAL


Dreamweaver: I knew it wasn't my reflection!

From Here's the Mafia 3 trailer you've been waiting for


Dreamweaver: Gosh darn it, Gaj!

From The Phantom Pain lets you sneak into players' bases and steal their men with wormholes


Dreamweaver: Challenge accepted!


Dreamweaver: At least he'll have something cool for his epitaph.


Dreamweaver: I'd love to shower with Cooking Mama. I'd also eat her "dinner" with friends.

From Tony Hawk 5 replaces original bland style with bright cel-shading


Dreamweaver: This is why I'd sooner go into a haunted mansion than go to Starbucks alone.

From Compare current, last-gen, and PC with this official Metal Gear Solid V gallery


Dreamweaver: No, the lights keep the real monsters away!


From New 'one-eyed snake' Pokemon teased in movie trailer


Dreamweaver: Hey, only the teachers can give out Ds! Especially the female ones!

From Keiji Inafune: Is it too soon to start my next Kickstarter? (Fauxclusive)


Dreamweaver: Still more expensive than what I spend on hookers.


Dreamweaver: LISTEN TO THE BEAR.

From New Silent Hill announced, it's a slot machine


Dreamweaver: Perro no.

From That's more like it, PlayStation Store summer sale


Dreamweaver: If they bought Duck Dynasty at all, they probably don't know the number!


Dreamweaver: Dammit Sony, it should've been 69 cents...

From What the balls is going on?


Dreamweaver: Also cocks.


Dreamweaver: BUT WHICH ONE?


Dreamweaver: Do you drink your cat shakened, not stirred?

From Nintendo announces September dates for upcoming amiibo wave


Dreamweaver: I'd pay to see that video. GET ON IT, JED.

From Some guy will pay $1,000 if you can recreate this Mario glitch


Dreamweaver: Now that's what I call music!

From Final Fantasy XV confirmed for 2016 release


Dreamweaver: It'd be weird for them to miss their 10th anniversary as well.

From The Xbox Elite controller's app lets you customize everything


Dreamweaver: Dammit, I need to upgrade!

From Super Smash Con starts today, Brawl finals are tonight


Dreamweaver: What a weird cuntry.

From Crackdown 3's full-on destruction is only in multiplayer


Dreamweaver: ...Have you tried?


From OMG YOU GUYS look at this parents against pot website


Dreamweaver: Which lord? Matt Damon or Macho Man Randy Savage?

From Dynasty Warriors as we know it turns 15 years old today


Dreamweaver: ...Why can't China just name everyone Bob?

From Tri-Ace and Spike Chunsoft unveil their new RPG


Dreamweaver: No, you're just getting started. *eats popcorn*

From You Are Tearing Me Apart Destructoid!


Dreamweaver: Bikes used to have penises until they had to be neutered.

From Konami does a cute 'act like a hero' Metal Gear Solid V commercial


Dreamweaver: Proportions are important.


Dreamweaver: Why do we let them help us during times of war again?

From Scalebound gameplay trailer reveals four-player co-op, coming holiday 2016


Dreamweaver: So that's where he's been hiding...

From Mario's silhouette shows off his li'l dick


Dreamweaver: Is his point his penis? Also, we need a dick-tective or else we'll never know Mario's penis size.

From The reality of Microsoft's backward compatibility ad is less impressive


Dreamweaver: Why corn?

From Subnautica's Habitat Update makes living under the sea a bit more complicated


Dreamweaver: EXPOSED!

From Why the Need for Speed reboot is always online


Dreamweaver: How the hell did happened with two simple letters is beyond me.

From Here's when you'll be able to play Battleborn


Dreamweaver: And that's the story about how Zyk was shamed into being a porn star.


Dreamweaver: Kanye always did have a thing for botts.


Dreamweaver: But even Kanye has standards.

Man, this was like a soap opera, but with robots! I can't think of a better way to end this week so I'll see you when I see you! As always, go down to the comments and mention which ones were your favorite down below. And no, this wasn't extra long to compensate for my flaccid penis!


6:53 PM on 08.02.2015

Comments of the Week - Let's all gather 'round!


Welcome back to Comments of the Week! Whether you've been stressed out by what's going on or not, why don't we all take a load off, cum together, then clean up the mess with our tongues? Comments of the Week is the place to have your comments showcased in front of the community for everyone to enjoy, so if you've been out and about or just need a reminder of the wacky stuff you kids say, then this is for you. As always, comments are placed into three categories:

TRUTH: sushi pieces are meant to be eaten in one bite.

LOL: so just like my dick, right?


Oh dear, did you really lap up the cum with your tongue, but you don't know what to do with it? Well, why don't we let last week's Comments of the Week answer that?


From Introducing, our new image search engine


Dreamweaver: When in doubt, blame Steven!

From Metal Gear Solid 1-3's composer might know why Kojima and Konami have split up


Dreamweaver: Konami still gets some of the profits from the people buying the game. :(

From The Witcher 3 is adding New Game+


Dreamweaver: Now you get to worry about having your legs broken!

From Super Mario Maker wants to ensure you remember classic Mario levels


Dreamweaver: He said, she said, they said, I heard.

From Manufacturer of Fallout 4's Pip-Boy accessory cannot make any more


Dreamweaver: Fedora? I hardly know her!

From Senran Kagura Estival Versus coming to Europe Early 2016


Dreamweaver: Amen.

From What's this paying for premium Solitaire malarkey, Windows 10?


Dreamweaver: And it comes with other games!

From Sony sold more PS4s than Xbox One and 360 combined last quarter


Dreamweaver: I'm not a woman, but you can treat me like one for $73.64!

From Sony Computer Entertainment UK's boss Fergal Gara resigns


Dreamweaver: Every parent must now do this. Who wants to get started with me?

From Sony is going to let us vote on PS Plus games


Dreamweaver: We need to appreciate the hidden gems so they can be not-so-hidden!


From Review: King's Quest: A Knight To Remember


Dreamweaver: Ream-weaver, at your service. :3

From Not even StarCraft II is safe from Rocket League


Dreamweaver: I say this to crickets, too!

From UFC fighter Ronda Rousey will kick your ass at Pokemon


Dreamweaver: Gotta be in it to win it.


Dreamweaver: Poke it with what, though? Her fist? Because I'd pay to see that!

From These N64 spine labels look like a godsend


Dreamweaver: ...Well, that was awkwardly hilarious.


Dreamweaver: To be honest, I didn't get Perro's joke. Guess you could say I was in


From Four years later, Disaster Report 4 lives


Dreamweaver: Vicks for the hicks!

From Legend of Zelda Wii U not listed for 2016 on Nintendo financials


Dreamweaver: Moms are the funniest things to make fun of!

From Lara Croft leads a light August in PlayStation Plus freebies


Dreamweaver: Also the tagline for a dildo sitting contest!

From King K. Rool headed to Smash Bros. as a costume


Dreamweaver: He knows it's not.


From Team17 is publishing Yooka-Laylee


Dreamweaver: Oh you.

From ZombiU hits PC, PS4, and Xbox One next month


Dreamweaver: Snitches don't get snatches.

From Rocket League does DLC right


Dreamweaver: I just realized "TheLimoMaker" could totally mean someone with long penis that girls go for a ride.

From Rare was going to make Velvet Dark, a sister title to the N64 Perfect Dark


Dreamweaver: Oh boy, this means her vagina is going feel like a cave to my penis!

From Team17 is busy: Two new Worms games announced


Dreamweaver: ...Women Masturbate Daily? I'd like to be on that watchlist myself.

From Live action Rocket League game ends in tragedy (Fauxclusive)


Dreamweaver: Whoever's last words were "worth it."


From Pixels bombs at the box office, surprising no one


Dreamweaver: Life's funny like that.

From Risk Legacy designer working on new civilization-themed legacy game


Dreamweaver: Dammit, will there be no end to his tyranny!?

From Nintendo has sold 10 million Wii U consoles


Dreamweaver: Wait, is it?


Dreamweaver: YOU BLEW IT!

From There is no Game is a captivating, uh, not-game


Dreamweaver: I know someone who's cumming at the thought of that...

From The NES just got a brand new competitive shooter


Dreamweaver: The end.

From Get your balls ready for Dead or Alive Xtreme 3


Dreamweaver: How eloquently spoken.

Well, you can't get any better than seeing Matt Damon, so we'll end things here. As always, I hope you enjoyed this edition, and let me know which comments are your favorite down below!


5:52 PM on 07.26.2015

Comments of the Week - Go ahead. Swallow.


That's right, Comments of the Week is back with another load of delicious comments from the community. Don't resist it. Just let it slide down your throat, slipping back your tongue as the uvula bounces off the tip like a speed bag, so it can fully satisfy you.

If you're new at this, then you don't know what you're missing. Comments of the Week is a community showcase where I gather up the best comments said on Destructoid over the week, and put them all in one place for everyone to enjoy. So, kind of like an orgy. And like how there's straight, bi, and gay orgies, there are three categories here:

TRUTH: there actually isn't that much protein in cum.

LOL: you have to drink half a cup to get as protein as a single egg.

WUT?: guess how many girls I'm about to feed.

If one week's worth of cumments isn't enough from you, then why don't you check out last week's if you haven't already? If you did... well, wait until next week. I can't keep blowing my load.


From Itagaki blames negative Devil's Third previews on player skill


Dreamweaver: Or the lack of.

From That Atlus x Vanillaware game is Odin Sphere on PS3, PS4, and Vita


Dreamweaver: But can it still give consent?


Dreamweaver: Never let bastards win.

From A Ground Zeroes mission foretold the Kojima and Konami split


Dreamweaver: I always knew he worked in advertising.

From Do you have the Street Fighter V beta? You can preload it now


Dreamweaver: Get the fuck off my waifu!

From Game on Steam rumoured to have been stolen by seller


Dreamweaver: But how else would people know if I don't tell them?

From Samus in Metroid Prime: Federation Force could explain what happened after Prime 3


Dreamweaver: I bet they're desgner brand, too.

From Did you ever own or play a Virtual Boy?


Dreamweaver: Parents just don't understand.

From Knights of the Old Republic II is now even better on Steam


Dreamweaver: Instead of Gamerscore, they add credit score!

From Xbox boss: Microsoft still committed to Phantom Dust


Dreamweaver: There's Dreamweaver porn... right?


Dreamweaver: Don't forget the Cuban cigar and smoking jacket!

From Devil's Third has microtransactions, hopefully they don't ruin the game


Dreamweaver: So that's why they haven't been working. Hey, be a pal and share that code with me?

From Xbox One still outsold by everything in Japan, Yo-Kai Watch Busters sells like crazy


Dreamweaver: I hate it when that happens, especially if I waited like ten minutes for it.


From Guilty Gear Xrd player stands up too early, loses


Dreamweaver: ...Again?


Dreamweaver: FCG gamers masturbate too!

From Devastated Dreams looks at the horrors of pregnancy


Dreamweaver: You need de-dick-cation. I KNOW I USED THAT JOKE BEFORE. :(

From Jamie Lee Curtis cosplayed as Vega at EVO


Dreamweaver: That was a woman?

From Cool dad builds custom Mario Kart nursery


Dreamweaver: At least it's not a mother's disapproving look...


Dreamweaver: All a part of his plan.

From Heroes of the Storm's Leoric is another unique addition to the entire MOBA genre


Dreamweaver: Also cocks.

From That wearable Mega Man helmet is $150


Dreamweaver: At least she came. :(

From Watch nude Jonathan Holmes lookalikes pull confetti out of their asses


Dreamweaver: Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.

From Miiverse moderation can't catch ALL the dicks


Dreamweaver: If stepping on a crack breaks your mother's back, then what does shoving a dick through do?

From Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain is a 25GB download


Dreamweaver: Story of the year!


Dreamweaver: Gotta mix things up every once in a while, you know?

From Well, Dragon Quest VIII almost looks as good as it did 11 years ago


Dreamweaver: This won't be funny five months from now.

From Fire Emblem Fates gets Awakening characters as DLC


Dreamweaver: What about girls with giant penises? Is that pretty common, too? I can't get a boner unless she does. too.

From Here's what Street Fighter V looks like, in beta form


Dreamweaver: THANKS, SCOOBIE.

From 3D Realms' Bombshell looks...okay


Dreamweaver: He must have one scratched up monitor.


From Oh, Atlus and Vanillaware have another secret project in the works


Dreamweaver: Still not the weirdest thing I've seen on the internet.

From Life is Strange Episode Four is probably imminent, but not definitely


Dreamweaver: If you don't fap now, then you will regret it later.

From Grrrrrrr, time to date some hot and manly orcs


Dreamweaver: So, is all of you blue or just the balls? :3


Dreamweaver: WHAT A TWIST.

From Review: Onechanbara Z2: Chaos


Dreamweaver: He should've rapped the spider bit. :(

From XCOM 2 Muton is borrowing Marcus Fenix's Lancer


Dreamweaver: BUT WHAT DO THEY SAY?

From No more Adderall abuse for players in one eSports league


Dreamweaver: Real men shove it into their urethra before docking someone. That way, it goes directly in both penises.

From My trip to the National Videogame Arcade


Dreamweaver: Is Joe Parlock speaking... or Laura Kate Dale?

From Inafune's Red Ash Kickstarter adds one million dollar PS4 stretch goal


Dreamweaver: Which is the least exciting porn involve horses ever.

From Fallout 4 has 12 companions, you can romance all the human ones


Dreamweaver: How very cruel of you, Occams. That's like if my sister let me watch me her have sex with someone, knowing I'll never get to do her myself.

Well, that's all for this week, folks! Hope you took the load off! :P


4:04 PM on 07.19.2015

Comments of the Week - What's going on over there?


Welcome back to 26th edition of the second generation of Comments of the Week! As you already know, this is where I compile comments from community members to showcase some of the best things them wacky Dtoiders have to say for themselves. So whether you've been out and about and need to catch up, or simply want to relive the fun moments once more, then this is for you. As always, comments are placed into three categories:

[b]TRUTH[/b]: snakes are cold-blooded.

[b]LOL[/b]: because they'll eat you alive and slowly digest you while you sit inside melting into a puddle of goo.

[b]WUT?:[/b] but you'll still have time for one last fap so might as well, right?

If you missed last week's edition because it was doing things in the dark -- [i]naughty[/i] things at that -- then you can [url=]check it out over here[/url], away from the cool kids who kept up all this time.

Wait... 26th edition? Does that mean-

Why yes, it does, person asking that conveniently segueway-able question! That means yours truly has been keeping up with Comments of the Week for 26 weeks. That's half a year, which means this baby's six months old! Geez, they go through clothes so quick.


[b]From [url=]Five Nights at Freddy's 4 coming August 8, free content update on October 31 [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] The less you know, the dumber you are.

[b]From [url=]Suffer through economic recession in indie RPG Family Man [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] But here, you can get a high score!

[b]From [url=]Jade Raymond joins EA to open new studio [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Like every other pretty woman who would not sleep with me, I may or may not have tried looking up porn of Jade Raymond.

[b]From [url=]Phantasy Star Online is getting an anime series [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Gosh darn it, I say!

[b]From [url=]Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5 trailer darkslides a powerline [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Why would you order it again after #DarkSliders1?

[b]From [url=]PixelJunk musician's game evokes EarthBound [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] He looks like that all the time, too.

[b]From [url=]Nintendo pulls browser-based GBA emulator[/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Ouya, there it is.

[b]From [url=]This War of Mine now available on Android and iOS tablets[/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Uh... yeah, that's, er, that why I cry in public! Sure, let's go with that!

[b]From [url=]The Flock will be removed from sale if players die too much[/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Diabolical. Why didn't I think of that?


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Good thing wireless controllers were invented.


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] You gotta admit, the novelty is pretty interesting.

[b]From [url=]Rust soft launches female avatars, 'you never had a choice' [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Don't remind me, I gotta deal with my ugly mug and tiny penis everyday.


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] So, when I put my penis in, I'm docking them at the same time? I knew girls were amazing.

[b]From [url=]Assassin's Creed: Syndicate looks a little empty [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] But what if your vision's naturally blurry?


[b]From [url=]Konami removes all Kojima branding from MGSV: Phantom Pain cover [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Challenge accepted!

[b]From [url=]What do you think of these Warcraft movie posters? [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] That poor sandwich.


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Be honest, who'd still pork that orc?


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Bad means good, by the way.

[b]From [url=]Ahh, so that's how you're supposed to play Dishonored [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] He's not the only one who thinks that.

[b]From [url=]Five Nights at Freddy's 4 trailer brings the horror home [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Thanks, Obama!

[b]From [url=]You can now pay for RuneFest using virtual currency [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] YOU HAD ONE JOB, LAURA (besides butts)!

[b]From [url=]Here are the top gaming deals with Amazon UK Prime Day [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] When will we switch to [i]that[/i] metric system?

[b]From [url=]Angry Birds 2 is happening, whether you like it or not[/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I say the same thing when I masturbate.

[b]From [url=]Nintendo finally reaches out to its core audience with appearance on Cake Wars [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] His gloves are white though. What flushes down the toilet that's whit- Oh...


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Because my goddess wanted them that way so she could fuck the roof of my house. Not "off," I mean literally fucking the roof.

[b]From [url=]EVO attendee steals PS Vita dev kit from Atlus [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] He is right, but thieving is wrong. Unless you steal from babies.

[b]From [url=]Man creates robot to automate 3DS StreetPass so he can eat a sandwich [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Let's invent a robot to do that for us.

[b]From [url=]Hold on, that's what BioShock's protagonist looks like?! [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I never played [i]BioShock[/i], but hitting people with water bottles is 54% funny.

[b]From [url=]Upcoming PhysX update introduces state of the art dick physics (Fauxclusive) [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Use the fap, Gajknight. [b]Use it.[/b]

[b]From [url=]Watch day two of EVO 2015 right here[/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I'm not afraid to get an erection in public, too! It's just... naturally not big enough for anyone to notice. :(


[b]From [url=]This custom 'Pikaboy' Game Boy Color is amazing [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Don't answer that.

[b]From [url=]Hail to the Chief: Halo moves past 65 million series sales[/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Boobs have spider eggs in them? Don't worry women of the world, I will save you all by squeezing them! [b]Do not resist my help![/b]

[b]From [url=]Guitar Hero Live adds more of those rock songs whippersnappers like [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] [b]The horror[/b].

[b]From [url=]Did they think an open Twitter Q&A for Randy Pitchford would go well?[/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Ask him if he's telling the truth.


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] That French-Canadian bastard, right there.

[b]From [url=]Hey, did anyone ever figure out this bizarre PS2 ad? [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Now there's two one-eyed monsters.

[b]From [url=]It's possible to play Doom inside of Doom[/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] WHAT A TWIST.

[b]From [url=]Mario, Luigi, and Wario invade the Tour de France [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] The joke was, there was never a first time. He would've remembered otherwise; no one forgets their first.

[b]From [url=]Study: Men who suck at Halo are more likely to treat women poorly online [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] You eat her BEFORE sticking it in? Amateur. That's like eating a jelly-less donut.


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Yeah, that's how all the pros do it.

Alright, everybody, that's it for this week! I hope you enjoyed yourselves enough -- I saw you masturbating! -- and leave your favorite comments down below. Think I missed something? Well, post it for the others to see!


2:49 AM on 07.14.2015

A drawing for Satoru Iwata

I don't consider myself an artist or anything, but I felt like I wanted to do something different to honor the man, so I picked up the stylus and tried to do a decent drawing. I know it's not good or anything, maybe even disrespectful (I've never been to a funeral so I don't know what's considered taboo, like Mario having his hands in his pocket or Ness still wearing his backpack) but I thought it would be better than silently saying nothing.

It sucks to see someone who's usually so happy gone.


5:36 PM on 07.12.2015

Comments of the Week - Doing things in the dark


Hello, everyone (who reads this blog), and welcome back to Comments of the Week! If you're still reading this intro, that's because you're new here and you have no idea of the wonderful comments I've compiled down below. If that's the case, that means YOU'RE AN OUTSIDER AND WE DON'T LIKE YOU HERE!

Nah, I'm just kidding. We love virgins. Anyway, as I was saying, this is the place where I find some of the best comments said by the community to showcase them in one spot. So whether you've been off the computer, been on the computer surfing porn, or been on the computer getting off to porn, then this is what you've missed! As always, comments are categorized into these three sections:

[b]TRUTH[/b]: the internet was made for porn.

[b]LOL[/b]: the cat videos came afterwards.

[b]WUT?:[/b] I like to combine the two.

If you want to see more, you can see me wonder if I'm doing it right with this link [url=]right here[/url]. If I wasn't, then keep it to yourself; everyone else didn't notice!


[b]From [url=]Anthropomorphic mushroom girl game crumbles [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Fungi? More like fun GIRL!

[b]From [url=]Watch Dogs changed Ubisoft's approach to showing pre-release games[/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Now that is the second best burn I've seen this week, I say.

[b]From [url=]I'm retiring from my editor-in-chief job, so let's have a contest! [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Holmes could totally have a sitcom. Living in Holmes' Home.


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] And that's the truth.

[b]From [url=]Will you try to 100% Batman: Arkham Knight? [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] That's what he does every Sunday morning at the playground.

[b]From [url=]Sega knows it 'betrayed' fans, admits Atlus taught it how to be better [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Sonic: Dancing All Night confirmed.

[b]From [url=]Yeah, the 'Seriously...' Achievement is back in the Gears of War remaster [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] AND POINTS, YO.

[b]From [url=]'We want more female heroes and fewer sex objects,' say teenage boys [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] But they won't, because they wanted woman to be less like sex objects.


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] You two should get a room.

[b]From [url=]Metal Gear Solid V producer responds to early 'downgrade' complaints [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] That's when he took that selfie.

[b]From [url=]Ubisoft speaks out in favor of Xbox One's backwards compatibility [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] So now we're back to straight ports and re-releases?

[b]From [url=]Stella Glow coming to Europe spring 2016[/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Gosh darn it, Chist.

[b]From [url=]This kid gives zero f*cks about winning an Xbox One [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] One is the loneliest number.


[b]From [url=]Suda51 says we may get No More Heroes 3 in 15 to 20 years [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] [b]He's not the only one.[/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] The impossible.

[b]From [url=]Podtoid 299: Blast Ball [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] How do you make that spelling mistake?

[b]From [url=]Watch five minutes of hardcore Japanese Disney action [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] What you talkin' 'bout? This is fuckin' gangsta, and if you ain't down with it, then you straight busta.

[b]From [url=]If you own Minecraft, you get it free on Windows 10 [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Hoop-pooja, there it is.

[b]From [url=]New Destructoid explained [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] He's in charge of the Niero-regions.


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] That's de-dick-cation right there.


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I like it A LOT.

[b]From [url=]King of the Iron Fist: $80,000 Tekken 7 tournamet [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Very carefully.

[b]From [url=]Did you download the Ciri Costume DLC for Witcher 3? Delete it [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] His arms or his penis!?

[b]From [url=]Want to play Assassin's Creed at SDCC? You have to write a short essay first [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I can't count.

[b]From [url=]'Online harassment is not an impossible problem,' says Riot[/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] It's okay to laugh.

[b]From [url=]Every UK 11-year-old is getting a BBC micro-computer [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Fine, more for me.

[b]From [url=]Review: Duck Game [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] With duck lips?


[b]From [url=]Squid Now 2: Splatfest - A Splatoon avant-garde art film sequel [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Gosh darn potty mouth!

[b]From [url=]Nearly 80 games on sale in Xbox Ultimate Game Sale [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Brett looks like he enjoys that a little TOO much.

[b]From [url=]New set of 12 Fallout amiibo announced [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I'm so glad I caught this: I literally sat at my computer laughing when I saw it.

[b]From [url=]Study: Women motivated to play violent video games to feel more attractive [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I'd like to flash my penis inside HER mall, if you know what I mean.

[b]From [url=]That's it, I'm done with amiibo collecting[/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] It said nothing about eldery people. Now I know who to sell Amiibo to. They won't need their retirement funds eventually anyway.

[b]From [url=]Helldivers is getting an expansion called Masters of the Galaxy [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] WHAT A TWIST.

[b]From [url=]Mega Man X6 released on Japanese PSN, US version might be possible after all [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] "Get the..." what?


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Oh...

[b]From [url=]Four characters rumoured to be returning in Street Fighter V [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Penis is always the answer. Also cocks.

[b]From [url=]New karaoke game That's What I Call Sing coming to PS4, Xbox One [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] They totally banged.

[b]From [url=]Rumor: Nintendo of America drops Devil's Third for US release [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] ...What the fuck did I just read?

Well, that's it for this week. Keep on writing, dear Dtoiders, and maybe you can make it one day! Until then, what comments did you like? Think there's something I missed? Leave your thoughts below! I personally loved the Ciri "delete" comment.


4:58 PM on 07.06.2015

Comments of the Week - Am I doing it right?


Welcome back to Comments of the Week, y'all! Hm? What's that you say? You don't know what Comments of the Week is? Boy (or girl -- not sexist), quit playing dumb! You know this is a showcase of kooky comments that has been said by the community, compiled by me in one convenient spot for everyone to enjoy! So, whether you've been out doing something or simply want to relive the gay old times, then this is for you. As always, you can expect three categories:

[b]TRUTH[/b]: Knowledge is power!

[b]LOL[/b]: No, really, use that brain of yours to get rich!

[b]WUT?:[/b] Then become Batman.

Are you sad? I think that's because you missed last week's edition. If you want to get a little happy (or should I get, a little gay?), then [url=]hop on over to this link[/url] to see what you missed!


[b]From [url=]Review: Her Story [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] If Flanx gets disappointed, IT'S ON YOU, LAURA!

[b]From [url=]Kojima has seen Mad Max four times because he is right and good [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] ...It's too true. 8^8 (tear drops, by the way).

[b]From [url=]Valkyrie Drive reveals new Weaponized Lesbians [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I'd like to weaponize lesbians. With sex.

[b]From [url=]Why you can't be female in The Legend of Zelda: Tri Force Heroes [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] What, you're telling me I can't be a black handicapped person who's deaf, speak Latin, and has three testicles!? Dammit Nintendo!

[b]From [url=]Shovel Knight headed to retail with a proper instruction manual [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I can't even afford a Dinghy!

[b]From [url=]A Fallout 4 character is now in Fallout Shelter [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] It's a time paradox!

[b]From [url=]Uncharted 4 extended trailer: Drake is a Terminator [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Why not? People bought [i]Destiny[/i] for full price. :3

[b]From [url=]Bethesda doesn't know when Xbox will make Fallout 3 backwards compatible [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] ...Is that a recommendation, or an order?

[b]From [url=]Digital Extremes has its lunch stolen and its new game leaked [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] It's true, he did.


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] The lunch was too valuable for Digital Extremes to leak, else other spies be coming.

[b]From [url=]Nintendo's Bill Trinen set to compete at EVO 2015 [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] There's always a chance no matter how astronomically small it is!


Which I hope is also true for people with small penises.


[b]From [url=]Mario looks shiny and new in Unreal 4 [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Are we talking about bong pipes?

[b]From [url=]In Clumsy God, helping looks a lot like hurting [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] HAND this man a prize!

[b]From [url=]Thomas Was Alone action figures are a real thing [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Hey, they're ACTION foam cubes!


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Good, the attention's off me...


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I wished Handy made the "hand" comment earlier because he's so right for it :(

[b]From [url=]Miiverse is getting a complete overhaul soon [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] My personal favorite comment this week.

[b]From [url=]Humble Borderlands Bundle adds more DLC [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] That's, like, the highest honor you can get.

[b]From [url=]Xbox: 'Sony does a really good job in mainland Europe' [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] It's true, he's not a business analyst.

[b]From [url=]Troy Baker got Far Cry 4 gig by threatening to peel a Ubisoft assistant's face off [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I usually just say "U be soft, lol."


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I wonder how he got a gig at Destructoid?


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] He's always so underappreciated.

[b]From [url=]Iwata on E3: Unlike other booths, most of our visitors were smiling [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Racism will not be tolerated. Please understand.


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Son of a bitch, I can't stop laughing.

[b]From [url=]The Red Hood DLC pack for Arkham Knight is disgustingly short [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I see they've been speaking with my ex.

[b]From [url=]Give $6 to help kids, get into the Rainbow Six Siege closed beta [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] But if I help them, how will they learn to do it themselves?

[b]From [url=]Weekend Deals: Wii U Splatoon bundle & 'Buy 2 Get 1 Free' GameStop used game sale [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Gosh darn it, Deadmoon87!

[b]From [url=]Reports: Dragon Quest VII and VIII coming west [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Looks like she's on a [i]Dragon Quest[/i], am I right? ... Penis, she's hunting for penis.


[b]From [url=]Ubisoft: 'Too early' to talk Beyond Good & Evil 2 [/url][/b]

[b](Image stolen from... "provided" by Solar Pony Django)[/b]

[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] It's only a matter of time before Sephzilla gets corrupted...

[b]From [url=]So people are really into this Final Fantasy VII remake [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] ...You just HAD to ask!

[b]From [url=]The Darksiders II remaster doesn't look all that different [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Still getting a boner anyway. #darksiders2

[b]From [url=]I'm hooked on this Fire Emblem character creator [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] But she's my type!


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Did it wait until you looked inside, or did it crawl up the urethra and attacked from the inside?

[b]From [url=]Heroes of the Storm gets the Butcher today, after maintenance [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] A "corndog" is what I call a "penis urethra insertion" play. If I push hard enough, ketchup comes out.

[b]From [url=]This Fallout cosplay proves cats are better than dogs [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] It's what keeps me up at night.

[b]From [url=]Fauxlusive: Nookling Junction dumps Trump [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Only a superhero could write satire so good.


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I wonder if the two comments are related.

[b]From [url=]Video of rare Sony Super Nintendo prototype [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I'm surprised he didn't!


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I'm trying to figure out which "junk" is he talking about.

Alright you guys, that's it for this week! There's nothing left here to show, but don't forget to share your favorite comments down below whether I posted them here or not. I'm not everywhere you know!


4:38 PM on 06.29.2015

Comments of the Week - A little too happy


Welcome back to Comments of the Week! As you're all probably aware by now, this is a community showcase where I scour articles to find the best comments said by members of the site such as yourself. So, whether you've been down and out, too busy, or simply want to catch up on what was said while you weren't here, then this is for you. As always, comments will be placed into three categories:

[b]TRUTH[/b]: In some places, it is illegal to carry an ice cream come in your back pocket.

[b]LOL[/b]: Why is that even a rule?

[b]WUT?:[/b] Everyone keeps ice cream cones in their front pockets, duh.

If you missed [url=]last week's E3 edition[/url], it's not to late to check it out! However, like penises, this edition will seem a LOT shorter in comparison, so unless size doesn't matter (bwahahahahaha!), maybe go visit the link after reading through this one.


[b]From [url=]Half-Life and Hotline Miami mashup Half-Line Miami coming soon [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Ya damn right, he is!

[b]From [url=]Eurocage: Heavy Rain, Beyond: Two Souls coming to PS4 [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] The dragon's actually a penis.

[b]From [url=]Fallout 4 'dialing back' graphics, runs at 1080p/30fps [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Well, that escalated quickly.

[b]From [url=]Shenmue 3 needs $10 million for a true open world [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] That's what he calls his legs.

[b]From [url=]You can easily cut off content in Deus Ex: Mankind Divided [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] These are dark times indeed.

[b]From [url=]Bungie gets salty defending Destiny's expansion price [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I know, right? The heck's wrong with y'all, playing with microphones like that?

[b]From [url=]Standalone PS1-style DualShock 4 out this September [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] When will it end!?


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Another reason to emphasis "bring your own controller" nights.

[b]From [url=]Dwayne Johnson is doing a Rampage movie [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I can't even front, I would literally cheer in a theatre if I saw that.

[b]From [url=]999 and Zero Escape writer's new game coming to PS4, Vita [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] To be fair, 97.69% of the people in that position would probably doom us all anyway.


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Nailed it. With my meaty oar.

[b]From [url=]Arkham Knght's gude mght have made a spellng mstake [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] The night isn't silent. The night is when people have sex, and porn taught me that if sex is quiet, someone is doing something wrong.

[b]From [url=]Nintendo is making it harder to get around Miiverse account restrictions [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Porn is the necessity of life. That's how we can put up having sex with ugly people.


[b]From [url=]Yoshi's Woolly World amiibo allocation hits a bump in France [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] In related news, Mothra was seen returning to the home of crazed amiibo fanatic ChillyBilly, who was quoted whilst petting the monster's head "if I can't have the amiibos right now, NO ONE can!"

[b]From [url=]Nintendo announced a new Metroid so we gave Zack a haircut [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Brazzers? Mo like bro-zzers!


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I don't know what the heck happened here, but I quite possibly like it.

[b]From [url=]This will be a nice eulogy for Batman if he dies in Arkham Knight [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I'd take a bite outta that crime!

[b]From [url=]Warner Bros. strikes again: Batman: Arkham Knight having issues on PC [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] That's what I tried telling my parents about my report card with all F's.

[b]From [url=]GameStop opens up sales for 'retro classics' [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] He wasn't asking.

[b]From [url=]More Fallout 4 Pip-Boy editions are on sale at Amazon! [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] This carp is angry, y'all!

[b]From [url=]Batman: Arkham Knight sales stopped on Steam [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] You can't top that.

[b]From [url=]XCOM 2's mission gameplay looks gooooood [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Well, lefty loosey, right tighty.

[b]From [url=]Review: Batman: Arkham Knight [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] How did we not see this before!?

[b]From [url=]Surprise! Nomura didn't know he was directing Final Fantasy VII remake [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Have you tried Sudoku? It's a lot like killing yourself.

[b]From [url=]Friday Night Fights - Today is Awesome [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] "The fuck it isn't." - Andy Dixon.


[b]From [url=]Everything is your dad in the new Dad by the Sword trailer [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] But who's the father!? This is SO going to be on [i]Jerry Springer[/i].

[b]From [url=]The most unrealistic thing that has ever happened in a video game [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] "guitar gently strumming..." That's a penis joke, isn't it?

[b]From [url=]NIS gets creepy with new teaser [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I like to think every time I masturbate, there's a hot chick in the world masturbating at the same time, so we're having some cosmic sex.

Then I'd finish first and she'll feel inexplicitly disappointed for some reason.

[b]From [url=]You drank our milkshake: E3 stats [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I'm still trying to figure out if he's tilting his head to the left or the right... or not at all.

[b]From [url=]Sticking a Morpheus on my face was pretty cool [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] That's creepy on 27 levels, yet arousing on 32 levels.

[b]From [url=]Which VR headset will win? Porn has already decided [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Occums.

[b]From [url=]Review: The Controller Shop custom DualShock 4 [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] You didn't want to anyway.


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] Well, what else is a Vita good for? :3

[b]From [url=]Introducing the Xbox One for women [/url][/b]


[b]Dreamweaver:[/b] I can't even come up with a joke to top that.

So I guess Occams wins this round! Tune in next time, maybe I will succeed where others have failed!


3:28 PM on 06.28.2015

Let's get a little gay (hentai) in here (NSFW!)


Hi, everybody! As you may have heard, there's recently been a ruling from the United States Supreme Court that same-sex marriage should be, and is, a right for all citizens nationwide. I'd say that'd be a cause for celebration, so I figured why not do what I do best: make porn blogs! I told fellow Dtoider that I would one day do a same-sex shota blog, and this seems like the perfect time for one! More than 95% of this blog will feature images of cute, little boys (that may be having sex with guys!) that I want to share with you all!

Wait, "more than 95%"? Yeah, since this genre of porn jumped the list of the order of stuff I originally wanted to talk about, I just want to dedicated a quick blurb about one of my favorite, not-entirely-straight-but-still-not-actually-gay image. I know, I know, I'm putting my enjoyment before yours, I'm sorry. Just bear with me for a bit (or simply skip ahead: it's a blog, remember?), then we'll get right down to it!


This is actually one of my favorite images of Tifa Lockhart from [i]Final Fantasy VII[/i], and it's not [b]hard[/b] to see why (see what I did there? YOU SEE IT!?). Everyone's got these big, juicy, meaty, veiny dicks just hanging around, including Tifa herself... as if you didn't notice! I mean, just look at it! LOOK AT IT!

So, here's a few things I like about this picture in particular. First off, the look on Tifa's face is simply adorable. It's like these big cocks just came out of literally nowhere and she's like all "oh, well, this is a nice surprise." Secondly, her balls are pleasantly smooth, and they look big enough to use as speed bags that you see in gyms. Third, everyone is so huge and hung that they're actually bigger than her frickin' arm.

My absolute favorite part though? Her rock hard abs. Seriously, her entire body looks like they're tough to touch (beside her boobs, thank goodness) but her core could crack walnuts when she crunches. Normally, I'm into facials because it combines two things I love: a woman's face and cum. However, if I was about to cum on this Tifa's body, it would have to be on her abs. I don't know why, but it's like it's so muscular that licking with my tongue would be licking a table, and that excites me.

Maybe a little too much. Okay, my erection's gone now. We can move on.


Alright, this is more in line of what you can expect the rest of the blog to look like. This is one of my favorite trap images because damn, does he look good! Seriously, the feminine looking face, the beauty mark just below the eye, the way he pushes his hair back when he's sucking cock... all of it is just so delicious! He even has the gel bracelets, which, according to "urban legend," denotes what a person is willing to do in terms of sexual acts.

Only two though? Tsk tsk, because I can already think of more than a couple things I'd do to him.


Okay, without seeing a penis, most trap anime images could double for girls. However, since more traps are drawn as girls, you kind of have to take it on blind faith that that's a guy. And he's about to get fucked by penguins. What's interesting is that I have no idea where their penises come from: I mean, the big penguin, in more ways than one :P, has his penis right about the crotch area, but the others aren't visible until the bukkake section.

I don't know why, but clothed bukkake just seems more interesting than naked bukkakes. I wonder how difficult would that be to wash cum off clothes? Like, would all the cum just fling to the other clothes in the washer? Remind me not to share a "(laundry) load" with anyone else if I try that!


Look at all that money on the bed. You know one of them is paying the other for sex (we don't know for certain who; maybe the big guy's gay for pay or something) and it looks like they plan to go all night! There's something about guys wearing feminine underwear that seems so intriguing. I mean, I probably wouldn't put on a pair of panties myself, but I imagine it must be easier to get an erection when it's rubbing against a silky, lacey lingerie.


Here's something for the cat lovers! You know, normally an image like this would too vanilla for something for me to enjoy (there's no cum from the cat guy's dick, and you can BARELY see the one shoved into his ass... not that you could since I had to censor it, but still), but I can't get over how this guy's body is so surprisingly smooth. Like, I just want to rub my hands all over him. He's also quivering like a cat; I hope he purrs!


And here's something for the cheerleaders, who is always right there when you need her! Why yes, I do love the song "Cheerleader (Felix Jaehn remix)" by OMI... Screw you.

Anyway, I like traps that kind of cover up their privates despite wearing really skimpy outfits (you TEASE!) and I like how he went from "no, no, please don't stare at it, this is TOO embarrassing!" (despite just having anal sex) to needing to wipe his chin from the cum dribbling down.


"Illegal, immoral, and deliciously decadent." Wow, they really know how to sell a sex joint. Think they'll give me their contact info?



To be honest, I don't really like the art behind this image. I only included it because I like the idea of it.

I mean, the guy is shoving a dildo in his ass to squirt his cum into a machine that will redirect it through the dildo he's shoving into his mouth, thereby making him horny enough to cum again. It's like a cycle of cum. If that's not cool, I don't know what is.


This is one of those "take your pick" images where you get this fine selection of characters to jack off to. I know we can all just cum over all of them, but if you were placed in that situation, and you could only pick one to sex, which one will you take? The sharp-teeth fellow on the left opening his backdoor for more? The blonde in the middle with sexy lingerie and tan lines (who kinda reminds me of Bianca from [i]Dragon Quest[/i], who I honestly only know because porn)? Or the one on the right who most likely doesn't give a fuck whether you fuck him or not? Please answer the question in the comments below with #takeyourpick!

Personally, I'd go for the one on the right. He's pretty scene, and I bet he knows how to use that gum as a condom.


Either that's one really huge son of a bitch, or that's a short, tiny fella. Or maybe both. Either way, the guy sucking is actually rather hung for a trap, and his balls are really hanging in there. His anus is also really puckering those anal beads.


I like this image because of how adorable he looks. I mean, he's in the bath yet wearing some lacey lingerie, his balls are in some fancy looking female jock strap, he has pink hair with a flower clip in it, he has a rhinestone necklace, and a whole pack of condoms because he knows he's going to get some.


Well, that's one way to use a selfie stick.


That guy looks like he's on the verge of snapping. *grabs popcorn* Let's watch.

I kind of like it when people start losing their minds a bit when they're so sexually deprived. I feel like the image would be better if he was drawn with crazier eyes though, since right now he just looks more adorable than horny as fuck. I mean, if he's laughing every couple of seconds and using so many exclamation marks, he has to be desperate for a fucking.


Man, do I love me some bestiality. We'll get to that one day (with females), so for now, here's another sneak peek. Most Pokemon Breeder porn stars women because of the whole pesky "pregnancy" thing, but it's nice to see that guys can get in on some of the fun! In case you can't see it, he isn't tied up and raped. In fact, he's actually spreading out his butt cheeks to allow those bigger, albeit funny looking, penises inside of him! I also like the way the cum is just sticking everywhere; that's my favorite thing about cum.

I also like seeing cum dripping out of his dick to land in his own mouth.


This isn't guy specific (since, you know, some hentai chicks have dicks too) but I like seeing condoms being filled with cum. It combines my child-like pleasantries of water balloons, and my perverted need to incorporate sex into everything. Is there a cum balloon fight somewhere out in the internet? Of course there is, it's the internet.

I believe there's money in that guy's stockings. Did people tip him to cum in front of them? That's pretty hot.


You know what's weird? There's a guy with a huge dick. There's another guy who loves having a gaping asshole so filled with cum that it's dripping down his scrotum that he sticks his tongue out as though [i]begging[/i] to suck dick. Yet the one thing my eyes immediately goes to everytime I look at this picture is his underwear. Like, I've never seen a pair like that before. It's so oddly colored.


Okay, tell me what you think: does the guy on the left has that look on his face because he's about to orgasm, or because he's suddenly regrets not taking the other guy from behind because now he's about to have cum splattered across his face. Kind of like he's saying "oh shoot, I did NOT think this through!" Head on the comments down below and voice your thoughts with #whatdo!


Okay, this isn't hentai, at least to my knowledge, but I kind of like the image so let's just forget rules for a second and just enjoy this guy who got fucked so hard that his ass is gaping. You can't see it, but I like the way the cum is dripping down his exposed anus like a sink drain, and if you look carefully, you can see the cum on the white part of the blanket.


Come on, you just KNOW Bridget from [i]Guilty Gear[/i] was going to show up eventually! Surprisingly, I don't really have too many images of Bridget of having hardcore sex (just [i]two[/i] guys? Come on, even a gangbang's just a Tuesday to me) so you'll just have to settle for a good ol' fashion "suck and fuck." At least the penises are drawn pretty well, and the collar around the neck is a pretty nice touch. I wonder... without the head gear, would anyone even know that was Bridget?


While he's not my favorite artist (I wanted to dedicate an entire blog some of my favorite images of the works of the one who is though) I like this guy because he draws some pretty fucked up mess. This one's relatively tame though: one horny fella with a tramp stamp is shot up with so much drugs, just look at the pill in his mouth and all the needle shots in his arm, that he's horny enough to hump with this jelly looking sex doll. At least, I [i]think[/i] that's a sex doll. Like I said, this guy is pretty disturbed.

Yet still not the most disturbing works I've seen, in case you were wondering. Still, I'd probably remove the anal beads and join in.

Alright, you guys, I hope you had fun with this change in pace! It's not something I would do often, especially since, if I could, I'd talk about all kinds of porn... but maybe one day I'll come back and do another one of these! As always, I hope you enjoyed my blog!


Back to Top

We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -