Dreamweaver's Profile - Destructoid

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Destructoid Trading Card courtesy of StriderHoang!

Well, what is there to say about me? I'm kinda like your average gamer: I like to play games, I like to talk about games, and I hope to work in the video game industry one day. I also hope to write a couple of visual novels (I'm writing out the story as a novel at the moment, but I'll probably get down to it one of these days) but I should probably get my life together first.

I do tend to enjoy videogames more than the average gamer would though: videogames have been my life for as long as I remember so it's as much a part of me as my personality. I can't imagine giving this up.

I have a wide variety of taste when it comes to games as I try to keep an open mind about everything that comes out: just because I play mainstream games Halo and Call of Duty doesn't mean I can't enjoy the underrated ones like Anarchy Reigns, Fire Emblem, and the like. I'm willing to give anything a fair shot... provided that I actually get a chance to play it.

If you want to know more about me, you can check out my contribution to the "10 things about ourselves" blog, that Mr. Andy Dixon asked us all to write as well as any other personal blogs here:

"10 Thing about Me!"

"Top 10 Favorite Videogames!

"Most Life-Changing Game"

"Top 10 Fetishes"

I am also writing blogs about videogame themed doujinshi (yes, really). I'm just starting, so there aren't many written yet, but the few that are written can be seen here. If you enjoy these, feel free to message me on any recommendations, suggestions, or if one of the images I've chosen is too naughty. :P

Part 1: Monster Hunter and Kid Icarus: Uprising

Part 2: Demons Souls and Darkstalker

Part 3: Blazblue

Part 4: Super Mario Brothers

Part 5: iDOLM@STER

Part 6: Persona 4

I don't just restrict myself to videogames though!

Two Siblings - Fela Pure

The Amazing World of Gumball porn (ya, really)

The Amazing World of Gumball porn part 2: Nicole Watterson edition!

I also have done a couple of Comments of the Week! Check out some of the articles here!

Comments of the Week 1

Comments of the Week 2

Comments of the Week 3

Comments of the Week 4

Comments of the Week 5

Comments of the Week 6

And just for giggles, here's a couple of blogs that I've personally enjoyed writing myself!

Videogame references in The Amazing World of Gumball (not porn edition)!

Pokemon Rap - Dibs on Miltank

Band of Bloggers: Stories from the Capital Wasteland

A Fantasy Fulfilled: Adventuring Akihabara

Short Story: Love Over Time (videogame related)

Ice Climbers fan fiction part 1: Siblings of the Summit

Ice Climbers fan fiction part 2: Siblings of the Stadium

Ice Climber fan fiction part 3: Siblings of the Subspace
Following (10)  

Hoffmann did it.

Jinx 01 did it.

El Dango did it.

Luckrequired did it.

Simpsons did it.

Even TheKodu did it.

So, I guess it's my turn!

As I mentioned before, I'm always planning my next videogame purchases even after I just bought a handful, so while I'm still drooling over soon to be released games (though, realistically, I may not get them all because of the lack of funds) like Hatsune Miku: Project Diva F 2nd, Super Smash Brothers for Wii U, Dragon Age: Inquistion, NES Remix, Persona Q, the Playstation 4 version of Akiba's Trip: Undead and Undressed... as well as catching up with games I've been meaning to buy like Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, The Evil Within, The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker HD... I'm already waiting for 2015 to drop because it looks like it's going to have many awesome titles coming out, and as a gamer, I can't just turn away and let them slip by! But with so many great games announced, which ones am I anticipating the most?

Well, I'm not gonna tell ya!


Ha, just kidding! Don't be like that!


Say it, don't spray it... oh wait...

When it was first announced at E3 way back when, I must admit that I might've been a little too hyped about a game where little boys and girls run around shooting fluids at each other... but the game looks very solid: an interesting twist on the shooter genre, instead of spraying bullets at one another and taking cover, you're trying to splatter as much paint as you can, and the team that covers the battlefield with their goo the most wins! The premise is very unique, but even better is that your character is a squid-like entity that can somehow sink itself into the paint and swim under the surface, despite how swallow it is, to zip across enemy lines and truly conquer the arena! The emphasis on colors, mobility, and personality (as the characters just oozes it by their looks alone) is what makes this title stand out to me, and I'm definitely keeping a close eye on this.

On a related note, Rule 34 of Splatoon has been so good to me: there's this one involving a squid girl (no relation to Squid Girl) reloading her gun by pumping her penis (yep, she's one of those) into the container that's just lovely, as well as another involving a little boy "filling up" little girl.


Medieval Bar-B-Que

All you gotta say is that Hidetaka Miyazaki, the director of Demon's and Dark Souls, is attached and I'm already interested: those two games alone has earned a lot of goodwill from me, and if Wikipedia is to be believed, then he was also responsible for Armored Core: For Answer as well, which was one of my favorite mech games! Bloodborne also rocks a cool premise of being in set in a medieval fantasy world where a terrible disease is turning people in frickin' werewolves (which isn't very original, but better than zombies, runners or otherwise)! I can tell that the atmosphere is going to be wickedly dark and unsettling from the screens alone, and I'm hoping from what I'm hearing from the game mechanics, such as being able to recover health by hitting the enemy within a certain timeframe, that this game is going to change up the formula of action-adventure games by utilizing a risk-reward system.

Also, you get guns, which instantly makes this awesome!

[Dead or Alive 5: Last Round]

It's getting hot in 'ere (so what?), so take off all your clothes...

Ah, Dead or Alive... the game where the fighting's as good as the fanservice. Seriously, it may not be a true current-gen title, especially being the third iteration of the same game (four if you count the free-to-play Core Fighters version), but if it's packing all of the DLC costumes and characters, then that's alright with me: Kasumi in a schoolgirl outfit, Ayane in her school swimsuit, Sarah Bryant (who isn't a DOA girl, but she's hot so I'm not complaining) in a bikini... ugh, who ever said too much of good thing is bad must've been crazy in the head! Also, I think someone said that they are improving the "physics", if you know what I mean, and they were already pretty mesmerizing as it is too... so I can't wait to see how it's going to be now: boobs, covered in sweat in a bra-less outfit, bouncing in 60 frames per second... man, it's going to be heaven when I finally get my hands on a PS4 later down the line!

Did I just spent the whole paragraph talking about the girls instead of the fighting? Guess I know why I lose all those matches.

[Persona 5]

I think a Russian dominatrix said that to me once...

Honestly, do I need to say why? No? Good... because there's no much to say about this title, considering how little we heard about it. This goes double for Shin Megami Tensei x Fire Emblem: when the hell are we gonna see something about it!?

[Xenoblade Chronicles X]

I believe I can fly... I believe I can touch the sky...

I never played Xenoblade Chronicles, despite being pretty interested in the mechanic of the game like Party Affinity or the Visions system, mostly because I didn't really have a Wii anymore at that point... but to be honest, I felt pretty "meh" by what I've seen: the game looked great, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't doing much to excite me, and it doesn't help that Gamestop are gouging prices. However, for this game, I was entranced by the first or second reveal: mechs are awesome, and seeing them whiz by in cutscenes, combined with the ability to create your own character to insert yourself into the story, was sweet, and the graphics definitely aren't too shabby! Coupled with the newest reveal in the latest Nintendo Direct with its look around the city and landscape that sprawls out as far as the eye can see, and I honestly can't wait to get this in my Wii U: it may have the same cons that made me avoid the original, but I'm very much willing to give this a shot!

[The Legend of Zelda for Wii U]

Bows before hos...

I'll be honest, I haven't really played any Zelda games because I usually get stuck within the first couple of dungeons, so I guess they never really clicked with me... but man, when I saw the trailer back at E3 and got a gaze at how gorgeous it looked (even Link was especially pretty!), I knew that this would be my first purchased Zelda game! Er, I mean, unless I buy the aforementioned Wind Waker HD or the next game on the list, but I'm probably not just because I'm going to be using what little amount of money I have trying to acquire the hard to find titles like the Project Diva F 2d game and Akiba's Trip: Undead and Undressed. Anyway, the point is, that one trailer was so nice and pretty that I'm willing to take a chance with this game, and it was only, what, a minute-long trailer? That's how impressed I was!

That badass arrow wasn't too shabby either: fuck crossbows!

[The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask 3D]

Eh, you didn't need to sleep anyway.

When I was just a filly, I found it rather silly... sorry, I was watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic as I type this up. Seriously though, growing up as a young child who was very much into bright and colorful cartoons like Powerpuff Girls, this game scared the hell out of me: the graphics were dark, the content even darker, and that moon was perhaps one of the scariest things I've ever seen! However, as I got older, I guess my tastes must've gotten a little warped because now I kinda dig the dark atmosphere: one of the first Zelda games I truly, truly wanted to try was Twilight Princess because, ever since I saw its reveal in a Nintendo Power magazine, I loved everything about it... and having played a little bit of it at a cousin's house, I was instantly hooked! Unforunately, unless the Wii U can play Gamecube games, or the Wii U gets an HD version (please, oh please, let it happen), I probably won't finish the title... but when it was announced that Majora's Mask is getting released on the 3DS, I'm much more willing to give it a shot now that I'm into the dark, spooky stuff!

I did spoil the story for myself a couple of years back though: sometimes, when there's a game that I thought I knew for sure that I wouldn't play, I usually wiki what happens, and there was a charmingly little manga adaption. However, I still plan to get this game and experience it for myself!

[Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain]

First he loses his eye, then an arm... I have a bad feeling about his testicles...

I wouldn't say that I'm a hardcore Metal Gear Solid fan, but I played many titles in the series, and I love them all (some more than others though). While Ground Zeroes is woefully so short and a bit lacking despite the "replayability", I still appreciate getting a taste of the next main game, and I can't wait to play The Phantom Pain: the trailers make it look like something epic, and each new features just hypes me up more and more! Yeah, the changes in gameplay might be a little too much on the action side, even more so than Guns of the Patriots, and the graphics of Ground Zeroes on the PS3 was pretty jarringly jaggy... but come on, it's a Metal Gear Solid game; we know that it's gonna deliver, and I trust Hideo Kojima to present a wonderful experience; he also promises it to be a pretty dark tale, and as I mentioned above, I'm very much into that! It's a little weird seeing Keifer Sutherland, a.k.a. Jack Bauer of 24, as Big Boss though, especially after playing all the games with David Hayter (not bringing this up!), but perhaps hiring a celebrity means that Hideo Kojima considers this project to be an important one.

[Silent Hills]

Not pictured: actual hills.

Speaking of celebrities, Silent Hills stars Norman Reedus, a.k.a. Darryl Dixon of AMC's The Walking Dead, as its main character, and I gotta say, it looks very much like him: ah, the powers of the Fox Engine! The game itself, however, isn't exactly given much gameplay to go on, but it did have this cryptic something called a Playable Teaser that was a mix between scary and psychological horror that supposefully really nails the atmosphere (I haven't played it due to a lack of a PS4 :( )... and judging by the positive reception, I'd say that this series is in good hands. Even though Guillermo del Toro is working on this title as well, I respect Hideo Kojima's background and aspirations, and I trust that his creativity is going to be main reason why I'm, if not many of you other gamers, are going to be interested in this game: I'd even go as far as to say that Hideo Kojima is quite possibly the closest thing I have to a "hero" of sorts, as I find inspiration in his history and hope that perhaps I'll be able to follow in his footsteps.

[Tales of Zestiria]

Shoot... I'm going to have walk all the way there, don't I?

Like I said with Metal Gear Solid, I'm not a hardcore fan of the Tales of series, especially since so many of their games don't make it overseas like Tales of Fandom, Tales of VS., Tales of the Heroes, and subsequent sequels of Tales of the World... but I enjoy most of the titles I've played, and the cast of characters are amongst the best in gaming: you'll get to know them as friends who care for one another, and their banter are the main reason I love the series. Because of this, anytime a new Tales of game is announced do I immediately look forward to it, and hearing that this new one not only changes up the combat system, but also allow for an open-world like structure, not unlike what Dragon Age: Inquistion is doing, sounds like they are really trying something new with this entry. It's also returning to high fantasy, which some players might be excited to hear as I am: while I liked the modern-like setting of Xillia, especially since Ludger gets to wield dual pistols in the sequel and everyone has a cell phone for easy convenience, there's much more imagination to returning to the realm of fantasy, and I'm hoping to slay a dragon or two!

Anyway, those are my most anticipated games of 2015: I realize that I'm missing out on some great titles like Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate, Evolve, possibly Final Fantasy XV[ and The Last Guardian (hey, a man can dream!), but I tried to limit this to just ten games, and I had various reason for not including certain titles. Still, what games are you looking forward to?

Wait, what are you doing, writing a comment like that!? You better get your ass to the blog manager: someone better continue the chain!

Photo Photo Photo

The month of Thanksgiving is coming up soon, and I just wanted to say, after I started being active here after years of simply lurking around like a wallflower at a school dance, that I've come (heh, come) to appreciate this community so much: you guys are good people, and reading some of your blogs not only entertained me to no end, but it also allowed me to get to know a lot of you better... and I must say that several lot of you have made quite an impression on me!

I've hopped around various videogame sites over the years ever since I was old enough to use the internet for anything other than a machine that shows me naked women, but never have I ever felt like this could be a place I could stay: Destructoid have been my home on the web, and I never would've done as much as I did if I didn't feel devoted to the site. Sure, admittedly I didn't do much in the grand scheme of things, I suppose (I'm not a HUGE member... and I don't have a HUGE membership either), but if I could, I would've liked to get more involved with this fine community.

Wait, "would've"? When someone says something like this, chances are said someone is going to be leaving soon. so you're probably wondering if I'm going anywhere. Well... I don't know; I honestly can't say for sure: one of the reasons why I'm writing this blog and posting it up is because I'm not sure what's going to be happening somewhere down the road, and I wanted to take this time to tell you all what you mean to me, and that whatever happens, I'll remember you guys. Seriously, I never really belonged in a clique for most of my life, so I've been pretty much a loner for the majority of my life, but I'm almost always glad to scroll down the comment section to see what antics await.

So, you're probably wondering what's got me all tense, what's eating away at me... well, it isn't easy for me to say, but it's not because it's hard to type the letters. No, it isn't easy for me to say because I know that, once I do, that you guys will lose all respect for me: I've left a lot of communities because I no longer felt wanted there because of what I said, either out of anger or out of... well, moments like these, and I was kind of hoping that I wouldn't be leaving this site for the same reason. However, in light with all the other Dtoiders leaving, whether it's due to scandals or simply because they must move on, I feel like, if I am to leave, that I should tell my tale.

You see, I made some bad decisions in life, and I'm expecting to be paying for it real soon: starting it off in high school, I never knew what I wanted to do with my life, and I didn't exactly put forth the effort into finding out. I did do my schoolwork, however, and I even got a 3 point something GPA and earned a partial scholarship (Bright Futures, I believe), but I think that was because I just didn't really know what else to do: I figured the path to my future would reveal itself in due time, so I didn't dwell on it much. As the grade levels go up and my time ticking down, it came to a point where I had to decide whether to go to college or not.

One thing people never realized about me, whether it's my teachers, parents, or whatever, is that good grades doesn't mean you're smart, and I was practically living proof of that: I feel wholly incompetent in everything I do, and when it comes to studying, I got by with pure memorization and luck. Seriously, a lot of tests I got back with an A and praise from teachers feels empty because I knew that I guessed on over half of these questions, and a majority of them happened to be right; when my luck runs out and I got the grade I deserve, teachers would say I didn't try because they didn't know the truth behind my first success.

Because I realized this about myself, I chose not to go to college after high school, and for three years afterwards, I was practically a bum: all I did was go to work two shifts a week (which means about 10-12 hours, and yet I still complained about it), played videogames, and wrote fan fiction for the longest time. Sure, I love creative writing, and writing stories that people would actually read was something that kept me going for the briefest of excitement, but I can't deny that I wasted those three years.

As you can imagine, I couldn't live on my own with a situation like that, so naturally, I lived with my parents who, while I can't say that I feel close to, I'm still thankful for what they've done for me. However, understandably, by the end of the third year, my parents basically gave me an ultimatum: either I start working full-time and pay rent or save for an apartment; go to college; or leave the house. Even though working itself wasn't too bad, I was in really low-spirits by that point (remember: I was writing fanfiction for just a tiny bit of praise), and the job was pretty soul-deafening at that, so the thought of working full-time scared me, even more so than becoming homeless.

So, I decided to go back to college, but once again, I made some bad decisions: I only went to school part-time, and I even quit my job despite having ample amount of my time to do them both because I couldn't give up writing and playing videogames. See, at this low point in my life, stories, whether I was playing, reading, watching, or writing them, were literally all I have keeping me going, and I needed to cling to them as best I could: if I wanted to know what happens next, I would, and have, forgo any studying or homework just to see the next cutscene.

Obviously, videogames were having a negative effect me, but it was also doing it in another way. Yes, videogames were seducing me away from my priorities in my life, but I always thought that the adventures I witnessed was worth the trouble to get to it... but with each great story I experience, I also feel a tinge of melancholy: I see all these wonderfully written tales, these characters I care about, these magical moments... and while I admire what they did and how they did it, I also doubt my own creative writing abilities in the process. Videogames thus became something like a double-edge sword: it was the only thing keeping me going, but it gummed up the works as well.

Despite all this, however, I'm still "technically" managing my studies with A's and B's... but when you take two easy classes a semester, it's not impressive. Really though, all I'm doing is delaying the inevitable: like as was the case in high school, I don't have any goals in life, and I can't get by with having "undecided" as my major forever. As the number of required courses for my AA degree starts to dwindle, eventually, I must pick a major... but as I'm sitting in the guidance counselor's office over and over again, hearing that I need to decide soon, I just can't seem to find one that I want to do that happens to be one that I can do.

At this time in writing, I only have about four regular academic classes and seven elective courses left to take, but without a major, they can't select my electives. As I'm sitting here typing this up, I think I'm about to make the worst decision of my life: I think I'm going to drop out of school, and there's a good chance that I'm not going to get a job, able or otherwise. If we're referring back to the ultimatum I mentioned earlier, the only choice left is option three: I'm sure my parents will kick me out of the house.

Honestly, after bumming for three years, then having them pay for my full tuition (I had financial aid, but funny enough, the family income became right on the mark to be considered ineligible) for another two years, only to do the equalivant of spitting in their face... I don't blame them. Now, this is all spectulation of course; I haven't told them of my intentions yet: I mean, how the hell do you go up to someone who has tolerated you when others would've given up, to tell them that I wasted their money and I don't plan to make something of myself?

I've also been a burden to my parents as well: I'm wasting their money going to school for no reason, I don't do much chores around the house, and I'm even taking out my frustrations on them. I think my parents would be much better off without me, which makes me feel even more guilty and somewhat determined to leave on my own.

I suppose I already lost all your respect by now, if not way back already, so there's no point bothering to explain my apathy... but the reason I don't really mind what happens if I'm homeless is because I lost a lot of will these past few months, and I don't really have a reason to keep living the way that I am. I lost the passion for writing a little while back, and while I am surely no Shakespear, I miss it so much, yet I can't type anything whenever I finally make time to sit in front of the computer screen and an empty Wordpad. Besides, so what if I write: no one's going to read it, and no one's going to want to read it anyway.

I've been thinking about the only possible future for me, and all I can see is is a cycle of constantly going to work everyday at a dead end job before coming home to play videogames, eat, sleep, repeat for as long as I'm alive. To me, that doesn't sound like a good existence, and after being depressed for so long, I'm not inclined to try it for myself: I already feel so dead inside, and that's just pitiful. Sure, there's plenty of things worth living for like finding love and having kids, but I don't think I'm going to be as lucky as those who are granted such blessings.

So, I said what I felt like I needed to say. To tell you the truth, I don't feel better after getting it off my chest, but I hope someone knows how I'm feeling: I haven't told anyone anything yet, and I decided to do so here even though there isn't anything you guys can do for me because... well, I kind of see you guys as family, even if you guys see me as that annoying relative that you hope wouldn't show up during the holidays, so I felt like I could open up to you like this. Sure, I may have lost your respect, but I still felt comfortable enough to talk about myself to you like this.

Anyway, if or when I do leave, I'm going to want to come back to this community: if I finally get a handle on life, this will be among one of the first places I'll be checking out when I finally shape up. While the members might change, this place seems to generally attract the friendly sort, so I'm sure to make friends once again. Chances are, I probably wouldn't use this account anymore though: I guess it would be best to start clean as the negative stigma would cling to me like toilet paper on the bottom of my shoe.

Whatever happens, I'm not going anywhere just yet: I'll still be lurking around here for some time until I can't no more, so I guess we'll see what happens when it happens. Just don't get too attached to me: I'm an anchor and I don't want to bring anyone down.


When people ask me which videogame scares me the most, I could probably use a list of familiar titles like Resident Evil or Dead Space and they'll nod their heads and agree... but the truth is, the game that gives me such a fright is one that a lot of people are sick of hearing due to its overexposure in the realm of YouTube: Slender: the Eight Pages. Having played this game even before it got the subtitle (damn, that make me sound like a hipster), Slender was a fun little romp to play every now and then, and I genuinely get scared whenever I boot it up on my laptop. Now, a lot of people who have played this game have said, and I'm sure many of you fine Dtoiders will agree with them, is that the game isn't very scary: the game solely relies on jump-scares, and if you aren't afraid of being captured by the pasty-white gentleman in a noir-black suit, then obviously a lot of the fear factor is lost on you... though I wonder how much scarier would he be if there was a color swap of him being black with a white suit?

To tell you the truth, I don't find Slenderman all that scary either. Sure, the Marble Hornets videos are well-done, and the creepypasta that spawns from his legacy can be the stuff of nightmares, but when it boils down to it, you're essentially being chased by a finely dressed mannequin... and even then, actual mannequins are creepier with their dead eyes and lifeless expression! However, the idea that you're being chased is frightening enough on its own, and there's something about the design of the game that makes Slender: The Eight Pages a lot more playable than the sequel!

This better not be the same tree as in Deadly Premonition...

First of all, the game isn't really linear: sure, there's an obvious path to take, and the goal of the game is to acquire eight pages before the Slenderman comes and takes you away... but although there's a recommended order to retrieve them in, you could technically snatch them however you like, and the first time you play without a guide, you're going to be wandering around in search for them. I like how Slender does this because this means that you're dropped in an open-ish area in search of these pages, and it's only through exploration and repetition can you deduce where the pages might be: obviously, the landmarks you stumble into may contain a page, but its exact spot is randomized... and it might not even appear on every playthrough! See, as stated numerous times, there are eight pieces of paper you need to find, but there's ten possible places they could spawn in, not to mention different spots on that location where it could be. For example, a page could be on a wall of an "X" styled structure... but which wall?

Now, after you play it long enough, you can start to memorize where the collectibles are... but this isn't a scavanger hunt: the more pages you have in your possession, the more relentless the Slenderman becomes, and the more he starts to actively chase you! This means that there isn't much time to search a spot throughly, especially if you have more than half of the pages in your pocket, so if you can't find it when you arrive, every second you spend looking for it is another second that he'll catch up to you... when it might not even be there at all! I once read in a Spice and Wolf volume that it's harder to prove that something isn't there than it is proving that it is, and for this game, I agree: if the page is in plain sight, you just nab it and move forward... but if you don't see it, how do you know it's not there unless you check every spot it could appear on before making that deduction? Furthermore, if you have seven pages, and you could swear that you checked all 10 locations, then you're going to have to visit, at most, three locations in search them again... provided that you remembered where you found the other pages!

10/10, would read again!

Sounds tense, right? As you know, the whole time you're playing, you're being chased by Slenderman, and although I said his design isn't scary, it's the jump scare of him appearing that makes my heart jump. See, even though you have to get caught regardless if you grab all the pages or not, there's something of a feeling of victory of being able to snatch them all anyway, and I wanna win... so while Slenderman isn't frightening in itself, the point is is that he's the one stopping you from winning, so whenever he appears, there's a chance that I'm going to get a game over, and now way am I going to let that fucker get the best of me! Of course, I would be lying if I didn't say that his appearance doesn't scare me, because it really does: turning around and spotting him hiding behind a tree staring at me and causing my screen to flicker in the dark room with a loud screech echoing in my ear drums is enough to make me jump in my seat!

In this game, you're virtually defenseless: all you have is the light from your recorder and the sprinting of your feet, neither of which are infinite. This isn't like other action-esque horror games like DOOM, Resident Evil 4, or Dead Space 2 where you can simply shoot whatever scares you in the face out of reflex or reaction... there is no fight-or-flight; there is only one option to take whenever you spot Slenderman, and it isn't trying to blind him with your torch: shining a light in his face doesn't do jack when he has no eyes! So, you run, and run, and run, hoping that he doesn't catch up... but after you run long enough and he manages to always appear in the vicinity, you come into the realization that you can never truly get away: he can "teleport" to wherever you are, so you must press through the rest of the playthrough with him either nipping at your ankles, or standing off to the side where you might catch him off the corner of your eye!

Peek-a-boo: I see you!

One scary part that can happen is when your character can see him, but you don't see him yourself; if that description sounds a little too vague to understand, it's like trying to find Waldo: he's there, and you're technically "looking" at him when you examine at the entire picture... but you don't "spot" him. Anyway, other than being caught, the other way to lose this game is if you stare at Slenderman for too long, in keeping with his legend of causing hallucinations whenever someone glances at him. The game lets you know whenever you're looking at him by the fuzzing of your screen, with an appropriate static sound effect... but without pointing out exactly where ol' Slendy is, chances are, if you attempt to look in one direction, you could inadvertantly end up staring him right in the face! This can cause tension to arise whenever you see your screen getting fuzzy, but no matter where you look, it only gets fuzzier and fuzzier until you finally lose; it doesn't help that, the more pages you collect, the foggier the forest gets, and more than likely, by this point of the game, the battery of your camera is dim and dying.

The absolute worst part of the game, for better or for worse, is the "bathroom" in the middle of the forest: not only is it dark and dank despite the white tiles everywhere, but there are several places where a page could be... and as I said, Slenderman can teleport, so when you're in a cramp building with only a few exits and dead ends, it is practically a death wish to go here by the end point of the playthrough. Normally, the best recommendation for this is to either go here early and hope the page is somewhere where you can get in and get out as quickly as possible, or come here once to investigate one side and then come back again to check the other side... but no matter what, walking in here is pretty much suicide because, even if you don't have any pages going in, finding one or taking too long to find one will have Slenderman coming after you anyway, and if he blocks the only exit, it's game over, man! No matter how many times I've played this, I hate going into this building, and it gives me too many chills seeing him stand at the exit...

He's always right around the corner...

Anyway, Slender: The Eight Pages is one of the scariest games I've played due to its game mechanics, like "requiring" you to shut off your flashlight every now and then to prevent the battery from permanently dying... but also because of its emphasis on non-scripted scares: you never know when you'll spot Slenderman standing behind a tree because he could be in a different spot each time, and trust me, whenever your character suddenly turns around and Slenderman is standing over you, you just know you're fucked... and when you have seven pages and you can see the eighth shimmering off in the distance and you're hoping that you can sprint long enough to snatch it, even more so if you arrive and start rapidly clicking your mouse in an desperate attempt to collect it, your heart will be pounding as though you're trying to outrun a monster before the exit shuts to trap you both there forever.

Slender: The Eight Pages might not necessarily keep me up at night, but it's a thrill nonetheless!

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Everyone picks a character in fighting games based on many things: perhaps the character is someone you can relate to; perhaps the character just suits your play style; perhaps the character is a personal favorite of yours and you simply want to represent... but for me, while it can be a combination of all the above, I won't deny that I sometimes (read: the majority of the time) pick characters based on their looks. I mean, I'm guilty of picking Ayane from Dead or Alive 4, Ivy from SoulCalibur IV, and even Mileena from Mortal Kombat 9 just because they look hot, jiggle when they punch, and I do so love to button smash... and I've been trained to do that with one hand!

So, really, is there any question that I wouldn't pick Palutena, who is, undeniably, THE hottest character in the roster?

Sure, while it's damn heartbreaking that my favorite couple Ice Climbers aren't playable in the newest entry Super Smash Brothers in the series (and I'm totally calling provisional dibs in case they become playable at any point in the future)... I have to accept the fact that they're unavailable. However, it helps me feel better and sleep at night to think that, as the brother-sister incest couple that they are, that they are sitting out the fight because either Nana's pregnant with Popo's baby... or they're making one as we speak.

Anyway, here are my reasons why you filthy plebeians don't deserve Palutena!

Yes, Palutena is the hottest character in the game!

Bitch, did I stutter?

But really, was there any competition? I mean, come on, let's just look at some of them: from all images of the female Villager I saw, from the overly sparkly eyes, the eyelash job that looks half-done, to that weird haircut that looks like a mix between a top knot and pigtails... ew, not even animals in her town would want to go out with her, and trust me, I've seen enough bestiality to know that animals aren't picky. And Zelda? Psh, her ears are so pointy that they look like a Lamborghini coming down the street with the doors wide open, and she's so insecure about being a woman that she has to crossdress as Sheik and act like a man. And Princess Peach is such a cock tease: sure, maybe she'd be worth pursuing, but if Mario hasn't found that out yet, then I'm sure as hell not going to waste my time.

The Wii Fit Trainer does have some nice curves, and yoga is certainly something that a lot more women needs to be doing... but ugh, what's with the pasty white skin!? I mean, for someone who does so much excerise, you'd think she would have a tan or something: what, does she just stay inside her studio all day? And if she does, does she not look at her reflection in that big ass mirror she has installed in the back!? Wait... wait a minute... is she... is she missing pupils!? That's... that's... oh my gosh, that's freaking creepy: kill it with fire, kill it with fire!... and I don't mean the burn you feel when working out!

Still got quite the ass though...

Oh, this is fun; I wonder who else should I bag on next! Okay, well, Samus is always wearing that metal suit of armor when she's fighting so she must get really... hot and s-sweaty inside... and when she takes it off, she'd either wear that sexy skin-tight suit that hugs her body so right, or her other revealing outfit that not only show her curves off naturally, but also a lot of her smooth skin... Uh, you know what, I'll come back to her.

Now then, Rosalina has that typical emo "hair parted over one eye" look, but past that you can see... her breathtaking beauty... b-b-but by the way she dresses, you can tell that she... emits this extravagent elegence that she has in spades... and I'm not even going to try to badmouth the Fire Emblem characters: Marth is a really pretty boy, and I certainly can't talk smack about Robin and Lucina either since both of them just scream "waifu" material.

However, even though there are, admittedly, a lot more attractive additions to the roster than I had previously assumed (I stand by my earlier assessments of the Villager, Zelda, and Wii Fit Trainer), if this was a dating sim, the one I'm ultimately going to choose is still Palutena because, guess what...

Goddesses are my 2nd Favorite Fetish!

I guess you could say I'm... "Blinded by Light"

Don't think I just made that up on the spot! See, I've been playing Professor Layton vs Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney and I know that you need to present evidence to back up such a claim so... TAKE THAT: I have a blog for your viewing pleasure a blog about my Top 10 Favorite Fetishes (out of a possible 37) and guess what I listed for number 2...

Well, assuming that you were too creeped out that you couldn't make it that far, or if the concept of hyperlinks is still new to you, it's goddesses: goddesses are sexy as hell, and Palutena is a goddess... therefore, Palutena is sexy as hell, and no one is going to argue with that logic.

Now, I played a lot of Kid Icarus: Uprising, so I spend a lot of time with the lovely lady, and she has such a wonderful, playful personality that she would absolutely be a delight to hang out with: seriously, I've mentioned this on several occassions, but the teasing Palutena likes to give Pit, along with her sense of humor and her motherly demeanor yet child at heart attitude she presents, are the perect ingredients for a waifu... not to mention that she also has an affinity for bathing in hot springs! Best of all, her voice actress portrays her so well that I could literally get an erection just listening to Palutena's voice alone.

I swear, if I ever get to have a conversation with Ali Hillis in person, I really hope I'm not wearing jeans.

She could totally get me into Heaven.

Which is good, because I'm going to need all the help I'm gonna get because...

Palutena knows how to work it!

Need I say more?

And she knows how to give head.

Flying headbutts, I mean.

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For as long as I can remember, I've always dreamed about going to Tokyo, Japan, specifically the Akihabara district: as the cultural center of all things otaku, which is probably the closest thing I could be described as (if not a deranged sexual deviant: have you seen my hard drive?)... it's only natural to want to check out the sights for myself instead of looking up pictures on my laptop. However, while I have entertained the idea of going there, even dreaming about it during the day when I feel like escaping the humdrum of life, one thing I've always wondered was: what did I really want to do once I finally step foot into the city? Sure, I could chow down on the cuisine and pack on the pounds, explore what the place has to offer such as the ever so popular maid cafes, or even access an adult store to buy a box full of porn to take back with me to the States (because you know I will!)... but none of these things were something that would've really made the trip special, and I think I know why: I realized that, I didn't really want to go to Japan per se... but rather, I wanted to have an adventure, kind of like what you would see happen in anime and videogames.

When I first heard about the original Akiba's Trip for the PSP, I thought it was so interesting that I had to import it and try it out for myself: set in the one and only Electric Town Akihabara, you play as a character who goes on an adventure to rid this fine city of these vampire-like creatures not just by punching them in the face and swinging them in the guts... but by exposing their skin to the sun by stripping their stylish clothes off their backs! I was so in love with the presentation and premise of the game that I would desperately wish that it would be localized for North America... but that wish might as well be in vain because, during that time, the PSP wasn't getting the support in the United States as it was in Japan (anyone remember Final Fantasy Type-0?), so it was a pipe dream to sleep on. However, when I first heard that this game is getting a sequel, I was pretty excited... but imagine my surprise that, not only was this game going to be localized overseas, but it was even going to feature an English dub!

I was literally drooling at the thought of playing this: like a sponge, I wanted to absorb as much information as I could (without spoiling the game, of course) by watching videos of its combat system, and with each passing day counting down to the release date, I felt like a rocket ready to take off. The very first day it came out in North America, I went to Gamestop to buy it, and I cleared out my day in advance just so I could play it without interruptions... and I immediately fell in love with it. I thought about writing a review, but then I realized something: a review isn't going accurately portray how much I love this game (because, if I'm honest, it sure as hell isn't not perfect)... so instead, I opted to dedicate this entire blog telling you why I love this game so very much.

The City of (otaku) Dreams

Catches your eye, doesn't it? Certainly gets my attention...

They really sold the district here. As you can tell from these comparison photos featured in Kotaku, while it might not be a 1:1 picture-perfect representation of the city, and the game features not completely deserted, but still eerily empty streets, it can get pretty damn close: when you walk around, you can see some places that, while you unforunately can't enter, are still pretty notable like the Gundam Cafe, Go!Go!Curry, and a spoof of the AKB48 Cafe... which is only a spoof because, despite having many actual locations in the game, they couldn't get the licensing. However, there's still a sizable amount of stores replicated in the game, and as though to prove it, the people on the streets hand out flyers that not only advertises stores that actually exist in real life, but even where they could be found... assuming the in-game map is as accurate as it is to the actual Akihabara: I might never ever get the chance to find out for myself, but I'm just going to assume that they are. Speaking of advertising, one nice touch that they implemented to soften the blow of the overwhelming amount of loading screens are actual ads for stores, animes, and videogames.

Because of that, I actually don't mind the loading screens: they may be abundant, but they're really rather short, and by the time I recognize what anime or videogame they're showing me, I was already too preoccupied to be bothered. And I tell you, the feeling of walking through the city and seeing posters of the videogame Mind Zero plastered everywhere, and even a bus painted with characters from Ragnarok Odyssey Ace driving by, is pretty cool... but it's even better to actually watch them while you're out exploring: whenever you see a plasma screen television, you can look up and watch a short trailer of videogames such as the aforementioned Mind Zero and Ragnarok Odyssey Ace, as well as Disgaea 4: A Promise Revisited, Conception II: Children of the Seven Stars, and even that one Super Sonico game where you dress her up and take pictures of her (as though this game didn't have enough boobs already!). As a fan of both anime and videogames, though more the latter than the former, I love that this adventure takes place in Akihabara because it really does represent the otaku culture, and anyone who is up to date with it will get a kick out seeing things they recognize.

A Place Where I Can Be Myself

Well, that's not my character, but he looks close enough.

I love videogames where I can play as my own character because, while some games allows you to dictate the actions of the hero you're playing as, like Ludger in the recently released Tales of Xillia 2... playing as someone whose clothes, weapons, and even personality are all decided by the player, is something that really allows me to get immersed into the game. After only playing for an hour or so, I already found the clothes that I knew that I would wear for the rest of the game because they were as close to representing me in real life as possible: it's nothing special, especially when the items are called "Ordinary Jeans" and "Cheap Windbreaker"... but I'm not special, and that's what my character is going to be too, damn it! Now, with names like that, you might be right in assuming this is some low-level gear that's going to cripple me for later encounters... but with a simple, yet very appreciated "synthesis" system this game offers, I can rest assured that I'm able to keep the clothes I like and yet still have stats to scrape with the best of them: the same also applies to weapons! I applaud this underappreciated mechanic because I always hate in RPGs when everyone has to have this uber set of armor and weapons to survive an onslaught of vicious monsters... when I just want to look cool!

While I mostly stuck with the same type of clothing for the majority of my time with this game, there are a bunch of other clothes to "unlock", ranging from anime T-shirts and fine-looking suits, to goofy outfits like a bear costume and a butler uniform: you can even eventually unlock the ability to crossdress, complete with (hopefully) fake boobs! In addition to all that, you can also unlock different "walking styles", which not only changes the way your character moves about, but even some of his idle animations: one style has you walking while flicking the screen of your cellphone like the average New Yorker, while another has you pretending to be a mime who pretends he's getting pulled by the hand when he runs around and acts like he's trapped within a box when he's standing still! It's all very silly, but it's kind of fun to make this game as wacky as possible... which gets even more so when you can also unlock different ways to strip girls! Do you want to act like a perverted Master of the Drunken Fist technique... or are you more of the martial arts expert by using the Encyclopedia of Real Fighting method? There's even one that allows you to use telekinesis to shed them of their clothes, made awkward with oddly sexual moaning!

"With great power comes great responsibility." Yeah, "great responsibility" isn't what came out of me when I used my powers...

One of the best thing about the customization in this game is that, not only can I customize my character but you can eventually unlock the ability can customize your partner's clothes! Do you not like their default attire? Want to roll with someone who's as sharply dressed as you? Or maybe you're just really curious to see what she looks like in a Chinese dress, short skirts, perhaps even a maid's outfit... whatever you want, she will wear it! While I'm slightly disappointed that there's no wacky costumes like a ripoff of the Power Rangers (Super Sentai, if you're that guy) series, I definitely appreciate that you can really tailor a good chunk of your game to your liking, and with supposefully around 400 different articles of clothing, you can play dress up as much as your horny self desires: it's like one giant Barbie set! You can even change the character's character model, so if you want every character to look like another character and pretend they're all clones, you can do that to! You can even unlock the ability to turn them into chibis or giants if you so desire (major boobage), and there's an outfit called the "King's" clothes which is just a pair of invisible shirts and pants... meaning, when worn, would have the person roaming around in their underwear! I hope to give one to all my female friends and pretend that I get all the bitches because I'm cool like that!

Speaking of being cool (...shut it, hecklers!), one of my favorite part of this game is also being able to choose my own dialogue choices. Sure, the majority of them have absolutely no real bearing on the story, with the few that do only dictating whose character "route" you'll play the last part of the game with... but the choices typically range from being the melodramatic lines suitable for animes this game mocks to lines that had me laughing my ass off. Seriously, this game had me busting a gut since even the beginning: after a sexy, yet somewhat suspicious, character walks away and your partner is asking you for your thoughts about her, you can be cheeky and respond by saying "I think she likes me", prompting your partner to look at you and go "...that's not what I meant"; another example would be, after being told that you are unable to absorb sunlight, you can get snarky to a serious situation by saying "you mean I can't photosynthesize anymore!?" I love that my character can be funny because, I guess since I'm so shy and really reserved in real life, in here I can pretend to have sharp wit and snappy remarks, allowing me to further immerse myself in this fantasy... kind of like how Spider-Man makes a quick quip every now and then.

Oh, and by the way, she was so totally likes me.

"I am the Freedom Fighter"

I'm stripping his clothes for great justice, I swear!

Speaking of Spider-Man, one of my favorite fantasies that stemmed from my childhood and yet still manages to exist within me today (aside from straight shota, which I will probably never get over...) is being a vigilante. I'll admit that I may have something of a hero's complex: I like the idea of being hailed as someone who is a savior, someone would help those in need, someone that protects the people instead of needing to be protected... and this game's story is allows me to feel like I'm saving the city. See, my character Decker is part of a small, tight-knit group who calls themselves the "Akiba Freedom Fighters", who might have start out as a glorified Neighborhood Watch Committee since they only "patrol" the streets looking for any suspicious activity to report... but after learning about the vampire-like enemies known as the Synthisters, they all rise up to the challenge, determined to stop them from ruining the city that they love by taking matters into their own hands (since the police sure as hell aren't going to believe them). It may not be the most riveting tale to be told as there's nothing that happens that would make one cling to the edge of their seats in anticipation, but it suits the setting rather well.

While the narrative makes it appear that the "Akiba Freedom Fighters" are unsung heroes since no one knows what they're truly doing to save Akihabara from behind the scenes, that doesn't mean that you can't earn a little recognition for yourself: while it's not as well done as it was in Watch Dogs, in which the game constantly generates crime that you can stop... in Akiba's Trip, there are "side-quests" that you can complete that, not only rewards money, experience points, and any unique item drops you might've picked up, but also makes the people more aware of who you are. See, you can select a "title" or a "nickname" for people to call you, and the more side-quests you do, the more people will call you by it, and I even did a little role-playing with it: when I first started the game, I used the title "Rookie Freedom Fighter" because I was what I was... however, as I helped out more people on the streets and they started recognizing me wherever I go, I eventually changed it to "Veteran Freedom Fighter", and even "Defender of Akiba" when it was clear that I was completely deserving of it. I can't tell you the feeling I felt when I walked through a crowd and every one of them praised me .

Well, almost everyone... jerk. You know who you were.

Strike them and Strip them!

"Handle the guys: I'll be stripping this lovely lady in the meantime."

While some side-quests do boil down to fetch quests such as going here, picking up this, and bringing it back or to another person, there are times when you're going to need to get down and dirty: lots of these requests involves getting into scrapes, and you're going to need to put your fists up to fight... or whatever you happen to be holding at the time. Like how there are a vast amount of clothing to wear in the game, there are tons of weapons to equip yourself with: sure, there are really only four weapon types, and each weapon has only a minimal amount of unique moves and characteristics... but the idea that I could punch people in the face with boxing gloves, smack them silly with an aluminum bat, or even trip them with a giant kebab is really kooky! With so many different items ranging from practical weapons to just being plain funny to fight with, there's something for everyone: personally, I found these replicas of pistols that I absolutely love because handguns are my favorite type of guns, and even if these aren't able to shoot projectiles, I'm pretending to live out my gun-fu fighting fantasies. I'm disappointed that there's not much more wacky items such as a giant plasma screen television set (which was actually usable in the first game, if I recall correctly) or a stop sign that I would get all punny with...

But I guess the weapons don't need to be all that silly because, as I said earlier, the only way to defeat them completely is to strip them of their clothing so you can expose their skin to sunlight! This means that, since fights can break out in public, in broad daylight, with other pedestrians wandering the streets, you're giving everyone a free peep show! Now, I don't know for sure if anyone actually whipped out their phones, because I sure as hell would if a girl was getting stripped down to her bra straps... but still: getting into a brawl in the middle of a city is something that I love doing in open-world games like Grand Theft Auto V and Sleeping Dogs... and hey, any game that lets you pull off their pants and reveal their pink panties underneath is an awesome one! Plus, this way of ending battles means that there's really no harm in it: unlike other games where you either have to knock them out, break their bones, or send them six feet under... in this game, all you really have to do is rip off their clothes; if they're human, then they'll get embarassed and run off. Now, you might be wondering what happens when they aren't human and they're screaming as the sun boils them alive... but you can rest easy: the game writes it of as 'purifying" them back to humans, giving you another reason to strip as many Synthisters as you can!

Why So Serious?

Needs more plot. Lots more.

Okay, so "purifying" the enemy might sound like a cop-out to a more serious solution to the problem... but it fits the tone of this game: the narrative, if you haven't realized it by the examples of the dialogue I wrote earlier, is actually rather light-hearted, even to the point that the characters themselves mock the cliche's. Seriously, without spoiling anything, after a revelation is revealed to the cast of characters, one of them reacts by saying that he totally called it and regrets not having said it out loud! Now, even though there's a bit of danger at the end of the game, I'm going to guess that a lot of you don't like the idea that this isn't some grand adventure of epic proportions... but not only am I okay with it, but if I'm to be honest, I find that I'm able to become even more immersed by it. I mean, a videogame like The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (have ya heard of it?) is a popular choice for people who wish they could travel to a place like that, but I could never live in such a world: there's danger around every corner, there's dark deities that can be summoned on a whim, and at any given moment, either a dragon can swoop down and gobble you up... or an angry Dragonborn asshole can Fus-Ro-Da you in the face when breath mints haven't been invented yet.

The horror.

In Akiba's Trip, not only does it take place in modern times where cellphones, videogames, the internet, and all the other things that makes life so comfortable exist, meaning I wouldn't have to give anything up if I were to live to that world (especially porn and indoor plumbing)... but, since there's no real sense of danger, it's not hard to imagine that a guy like me can tussle with a few Synthisters: sure, the actual combat might involve me having taking a keyboard to the back of the head, but it doesn't seem like anyone ever gets knocked out or anything, so the worst I'll lose is my clothing... and even then, once you see me in my underwear, everyone's going to win anyway! Besides, I also really enjoy hanging with the cast of characters, who seem really laid back and chill: while they aren't anything more than character archetypes like the childhood friend tomboy Tohko, the prissy and snarky tsundere Rin, the romantic love interest Shizuki, the foreigner Kati, or the delicious MILF Shion Kasugai... each character have a distinct personality that makes them likable, and they also have their own share of jokes to spew that steals your spotlight.

Nana - My Adorable Little Sister

My little sister can't be this cute!

But my absolute favorite character in this game... besides myself, of course... isn't the lovely Ms. Kasugai... but rather, the little sister character Nana! As much as I love a good MILF, especially one over the age of 25... if you recall from my blog of my "Top 10 Fetishes", they are number four on my list, with "sisters" being at the top: I can't even tell you how wide of a smile I had on my face when a character questions if Nana is related to me... and she confirms our relationship with "no, we're definitely blood siblings". However, just because she's related by blood doesn't automatically make her number one in my heart; it's also because not only is she adorable, but she's also a lot like me in real life: she's unique, she's a shut-in, she's an otaku, and she's always wearing a hoodie (well, a parka... but close enough)! She also has a unique manner of speaking, as shown in the very first conversation you have with her in which she tells you that, for making her worry for three whole days, she proposes a way for you to apologize: "The present situation is thus: there is approximately one little sister standing before you, desiring of a character tee which that shop over there just got in. Your mission: purchase shirt for adorable sister."

How could I say "no"!?

I also can't say "no" to hanging out with her because, as I've said before, I've always wanted a sister to pal around out with! While the "mini-game" for deciding what to do is mostly random, there are a bunch of scenes exclusive to her: she can pat you on the head for a job well done, she will let you use her lap as a pillow, we can strike poses, we can both take a nap together on the same bed, and we can even wash ourselves in the same bathtub (guess which one I like best?)! If you're also inclined, you can select her as a fighting companion when you go Synthister hunting, which I like to do often because it makes me fight better knowing that I also have to watch my sister's back. My favorite part of bringing her to combat though is her Unison Strip, which is essentially a tag-team attack: I hold the enemy from behind and signal my sister to attack, which she does... but her swings are so wide and so powerful that they smack me across the face, and she does it multiple times before tripping over her own feet, prompting me to strip the enemy by myself so I can make my way over to Nana and pick her up off the ground. If that isn't cute enough, once she's fully on her feet, you both smile and nod at each other before turning your heads back towards the remaining enemies, which was so adorable that I had to use it as my avatar.

Oh, steamy... I like where this going.

I said that I wanted to go to Akihabara because I wanted to have an adventure, and that's what I got with this game: it really has made my fantasies into a playable reality, and it's as close to a perfect game that I'm probably ever going to get... outside of creating my own, at least. If you recall earlier, I played the first game after importing it from Japan, but I didn't get any further than an hour due to me not knowing the language (which, in hindsight, is something I really should've expected). That being said, I was so in love with the premise and presentation that I already knew that I was going to love Undead and Undressed before even playing it... so when I finally did play it, it not only reaches my expectations, but it also actually manages to blow it away: the amount of things to customize is very expansive when you unlock more of the options, allowing one to craft their own adventures, and the localization is clearly top-notch, with an English dub cast that really injects personality into each of the characters, Cindy Robinson's Nana especially! In less than the week I bought it, I've already beaten the game twice on Tohko's and Shion's route, and I plan to run through the game two more times for Rin's and Shizuki's route: I might even get my first Platinum trophy!

I really hope they make a sequel to this game. Before I finished it, I felt the same way we all felt when we're about to complete a game that we didn't want to see end: we try to put off the inevitable by screwing around, hoping that there's something else to do besides the story in the meantime if it means staying in this world for just a bit longer... like trying to catch a few extras minutes of sleep to continue the dream we're having. I knew I was getting close to the end, and it was giving me a strange sense of melancholy, like accepting that I will have to wake up soon. However, once I was on the final paces of the game and stuff starts to go down and people started to get hurt, I had to put aside my selfish desire to keep the story going by heading to the final boss to put a stop to his nefarious evildoings: in essence, I felt like a true hero for making such a sacrifice... and being a hero is what would I want to be if I ever had a chance to have an adventure in Akihabara, so what more could I possibly ask for?

Actually, guess what: remember when I told you you can change a character's clothes? Well, you can also unlock the ability to change their underwear: this means I can switch my sister's pink pre-teen panties to frilly little lingerie, if not pink pasties that just barely covers her butt!

This game truly is a dream come true.
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The iDOLM@STER series (which will now be referred to as simply "Idolmaster" because I'm boring like that) hasn't really reached across the pond and onto the shores of the United States. Yes, while we did get that one weird mech anime spin-off and those iOS games that I will never talk about because I'm about as angry as they are expensive... the Idolmaster games I want are something of a cross between a business simulation and a rhythm game: on-stage, the game presumably plays like Hatsune Miku: Project Diva F in that you press the right button at the right time in the song to score points... but off-stage, you are the idol's producer who must book her shows, schedule her time, manage her relationships between you and the other idols in the industry, and everything else a manger has to do. Unforunately, as great as they sound, for such a text-heavy game, these aren't exactly import-friendly to an English-only reader... unless my idol likes to dress in rags and play in dumps and dives singing show tunes.

So, if it hasn't been released in my country, then how have I heard of it? Well, guess what: it appears to be in demand in the doujinshi world because there's a ton of them out there, and even more so if you just count individual, one-shot images. As someone who regularly browse hentai manga websites, I pretty much see Idolmaster doujinshi every now and then, so of course, I get curious to see what all the hype is about. I guess I really can't blame them: idols are pretty damn popular over there, almost to the point of obsession... so naturally, a series about idols, who are dozens in numbers if you count the social mobile spin-off Cinderella Girls, is ripe for the taking of horny people's money. Seriously, there are so many idols that there's bound to be one for everyone... and seems to be suited for a particular character type (a.k.a. fetish): there's the gothic Ranko Kanzaki, the nun Clarice, the MILF-looking Shino Hiiragi, the flight attendent Natsumi Soma, the athletic Nagisa Aino, the ninja-like Ayame Hamaguchi... the list goes on and on!

Now, for this next entry in my relatively-new blog series, I want to talk about two Idolmaster doujinshi that I quite enjoyed, and thought that they are interesting enough to share with the rest of you! Without further ado, let's get started!

Mimura Kanako Eats a Lot!

Now I know where she learned how to slurp...

Although she's one of the "playable" characters in the aforementioned Cinderella Girls spin-off, meaning that she's not a character in the series proper, Kanako Mimura seems pretty down to Earth in this doujinshi: asking her producer if there's time to snag lunch before their next scheduled shoot, she takes him to a shop that sells curry udon (noodles) to slurp down, smiling in joy that it's so tasty... despite being worth 680 calories (yes, that's actually written in the manga). But she doesn't want to stop there: spotting a takoyaki shop across the street, takoyaki being deep-fried balls of batter with octopus and onions inside worth about 432 calories for presumably the whole platter, she comments on how tender and sticky they are... but now she wants something sweet to wash it down with, so she heads to a dessert store to order a nice looking parfait that consists of vanilla ice cream surrounded by strawberries, slathered with strawberry syrup, and topped with a wafer stick, all of which adds 441 calories to her body.

Still having time to kill, Kanako decides to take the producer out for a walk to the park... but upon smelling the sweet scent of crepes coming from the stand, Kanako couldn't resist that 353 calorie-filled treat. You would think, after being dragged all over the town for food, that the producer would be annoyed with her munchies... but instead, he finds it cute, and actually enjoys watching her eat (it should be noted that the producer doesn't say anything, as evident by the lack of voice bubbles that Kanako responds to, giving the impression that you're supposed to be him). It makes her bashful at first, especially when she admits that she's getting a little chubby... but apparently, that's just more cushion for the pushing, because we all knew it was going to turn out this way: taking her from behind, she loves the feeling of a penis sliding between her fat ass and thighs (her words, not mine!), before figuring that, since she needs to lose weight, that she will take the lead by going on top since that would mean that she'll be doing all the work!

Guys, this is when you immediately shake your head and lie your ass off.

At least, she would've... but after a few pumps or so (you can never tell how long the sex lasts in a hentai manga unless they specify it because there are only so many pages), the producer starts playing with her belly rolls (my words, not hers) and she gets embarassed. However sexy the cowgirl position is though, especially with a lovely plump girl in charge, the producer decides to switch to the missionary position, which is great for Kanako because she comments on how her "deepest parts" are able to become penetrated (a common saying in hentai manga) and that it's quite perfect for the sperm to be shot inside her. Of course, the sex ends with her sucking the rest out of his hose as though siphoning gas out of someone's car... but there's still one last smile to plant on your face: saying that she'll do great on her next shoot, she spots a gelato cart somewhere, and happily jogs her way there, leaving a small trail of hearts in her wake.

Personally, while the sex looks great (that "melty/ blushing" face being so well-drawn), I just love how happy Kanako is when she's eating: every bite is like ecstasy to her, and I just find the look on her face to be so cute and so adorable that I just want to give her a hug... presuming my arms could reach around her belly. It also incorporates a bit of her personality: not having played the games, I looked her up on the videogame wiki (because almost every videogame has one, especially a series as popular as this) and it says that she likes to eat cookies and cakes, as well as worry about her weight... which explains why some doujinshi featuring her either makes her look very, and deliciously, plump, or has her having sex to lose weight, if not a combination of both. As light-hearted this particular doujinshi is, there isn't too much to say about it since it lasts less than dozen pages... but the next doujinshi in this article is a bit twisted and a little demented, just to balance things out tone-wise and spread my bases out a bit.

Yukiho's Tea is the Flavor of Love!

Seriously, how do they not notice that?

Starting out with two people walking down a hall, they notice a girl suspiciously standing off to the side, seemingly staring at the wall for no apparent reason. As they continue to look at her, they eventually recognize her as Yukiho Hasegawa... but they quickly noticed that something feels "off" about her: she doesn't appear to be "all there", and she definitely lacks the "aura" that idols usually carry with them: that simulated sunshine that emits from the perky behavior they're always strutting. However, they end up dismissing her because, even if Yukiho is an "idol" (this, like her body because this is a hentai manga, will be touched on shortly), the two gentlemen are fans of another fellow pop idol, Miki Hoshii, and thus, they decide to leave Yukiho to her own devices... which turns out to be her cellphone peeking into a bedroom: unbeknowst to everyone else but the privileged readers such as I, she's watching and recording the aforementioned Miki Hoshii having sex with her producer very intensely as she bites on the lock of hair that drifts into her lips as though needing to bite down on something.

Some time after Miki's and the producer's little tryst, they are seen walking like a regular, lovey-dovey couple would: Miki's got her arm around his, and she's clinging to him like lint on a fine suit worn to an interview. She even acts the playful, picture-perfect idol by acting in that baby-ish, yet adorable, way of seeking attention: she even tells the producer what a great job she did today, and when he has to ask what kind of a reward she wants, she pouts and tells him that he knows what she wants (... which is quite clearly the D). However, after he tells her that they must wait until they get home, which Miki openly expresses as a disappointment, they open the door to their room and find Yukiho standing there to greet them. Now, the translation's a little funny regarding whether Yukiho has something to do with Miki's regular assistant being... unavailable, at the moment, but regardless, she decides to help out by making tea for the both of them... as she cradles the very same cellphone that we've seen her with earlier in her hands.

Funny enough, I don't think they actually did it in that position...

As Yukiho is busy preparing them her beverage of choice, Miki decides to take this time to ask about Yukiho's current predicament while they wait: she reveals Yukiho's popularity as an idol is starting to take a really big nosedive after some reporter is writing bad things about her. As scummy as tabloids are, however, it certainly doesn't help that Yukiho's depression is starting to come to light: just like her biography in the Idolmaster videogame, Yukiho has been quoted to have said "I want to dig a hole and bury myself"... which, while admittedly rather tame in comparison to the turn of events impending in the story, still doesn't help her "cheery" image one bit. Although Miki's ultimate intention was her actually trying to cheer up her fellow idol (with that same enthusiasm you'd expect an idol to have), the producer starts reprimanding Miki for talking about such a sensitive subject in front of the very person that they're talking about... but even though Yukiho slams her cup of tea onto the table forcefully, she turns and tells the duo that she doesn't mind: she even asks them if she's able to show them something on her phone.

Although Miki suspiciously starts to slumber after slurping a sip of tea, the producer isn't able to sleep with such a shocking secret exposed right in front of him: Yukiho shows him the recording of the two's relationship, telling the producer how bad it would be if this happens to fall into the hands of the media. However, although Yukiho could blackmail the producer to having many things, like money (since he is the manager of a seemingly successful idol) or even increased fame... she decides that the only type of exposure she wants is her body to him: she simply wants the producer to have sex with her, and by the crazy, desperate look in her eyes (that I personally find oh so sexy...), she isn't taking "no" for an answer. Despite her devious demeanor, she does tell him a sob story though: she rants to the producer she's jealous that Miki doesn't work half as hard as she does yet still manages to be popular, and that she (Yukiho) might not ever make it as an idol... but as long as she has the producer by her side, then she would be okay with it, so she begs the producer to ditch his girlfriend.

Total Yandere. I love it.

Naturally, he refuses such an offer, but rather than blackmail him into it, Yukiho decides to give him a sample of her abilities: pulling down the producers pants to play with his penis, Yuikoho knows what his sensitive spots are, and teases him enough to climax in her mouth, to which she willingly gulps down. Of course, they are almost never satisfied with the first shot... though, in this case, Yukiho mentions that she might've added a little something in his drink: either way, it's time to move to the main event! However, rather than just jump on his stiff stick, Yukiho has something a lot more kinky in mind: she climbs her naked body over the sleeping Miki, and asks the producer to have sex right on top of her... to which he obliges out of own accord! While he's pounding her from behind, Yukiho taunts miki in her sleep: she tells him, with a crazy set of eyes suitable for a yandere (hot), that Miki can't have the producer anymore... that he is falling in love with Yukiho and there's nothing that she can do about it! In fact, when Yukiho asks the producer what he would do if Miki were to wake up, he even gets harder at the thought!

She doesn't wake up anytime soon though: whatever the hell Yukiho put in the tea, it knocked out Miki for a damn long time. Speaking of things being knocked though, even if they covered themselves up, it isn't possible that they could keep this little encounter a secret: Yukiho let the producer cum inside her so she could get pregnant, and I would assume that Yukiho has ensured that it is a guarantee if she's going to tease Miki about it whilst she slumbers. Regardless, it doesn't seem like neither of them cares if Miki finds out or not: when Miki actually wakes up, she is surprised to see the producer sitting in Yukiho's seat (it is actually Yukiho sitting on the producer's lap) and she tells him how mean it is to do that. However, rather than getting off of her seat, the producer is "getting off" in a much more sexual way: turns out, he's actually having sex with Yukiho right at this moment, with only their penis and pussy being exposed underneath the table! Still not satisfied with everything that happened, Yukiho taunts Miki by saying that, while she was having a dream, that Yukiho was having her dream come true.

Well, ignorance is bliss, I guess...

Well, that was pretty twisted, eh? To tell you the truth, it's actually one of the more tamer scenarios that I've read in a doujinshi: one of my favorite fetishes (that I sadly had to cut out of my "Top 10 Favorite Fetishes" blog) happens to be "netorare" hentai. "Netorare", which is Japanese slang that means "taking away by sleeping with", is basically a drastic dip into the subject of cheating: it usually involves a person who is typically in love with another character... but for some reason, rather than having sex with them, they get a much more arousal from having sex with someone else, leaving the person, should they find out (the majority of them do), severely depressed. Normally, these types of hentais get rather twisted: although, admittedly, I gotta give props for that scene when naked Yukiho wants to have sex on top of Miki's body, that's pretty much child's play compared to the "battle-harded" experience I have.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading through these blogs! I write these to kind of add a unique ingredient to this melting pot of community potluck (because, let's be honest: if I wasn't going to write about it, who would've?), and I plan to do more of these when I'm able: I'm already planning on writing a couple of entries regarding series such as Pokemon, Soulcalibur, Dead or Alive, and much, much more. As always, if you made it this far, thanks for reading, it really makes my day, and any suggestions or comments you have (like I could make these blogs more appealing to you, my dear readers), don't be shy: let me know!
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