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Well, what is there to say about me? I'm kinda like your average gamer: I like to play games, I like to talk about games, and I hope to work in the video game industry one day. I also hope to write a couple of visual novels (I'm writing out the story as a novel at the moment, but I'll probably get down to it one of these days) but I should probably get my life together first.

I do tend to enjoy videogames more than the average gamer would though: videogames have been my life for as long as I remember so it's as much a part of me as my personality. I can't imagine giving this up.

I have a wide variety of taste when it comes to games as I try to keep an open mind about everything that comes out: just because I play mainstream games Halo and Call of Duty doesn't mean I can't enjoy the underrated ones like Anarchy Reigns, Fire Emblem, and the like. I'm willing to give anything a fair shot... provided that I actually get a chance to play it.

If you want to know more about me, you can check out my contribution to the "10 things about ourselves" blog, that Mr. Andy Dixon asked us all to write as well as any other personal blogs here:

"10 Thing about Me!"

"Top 10 Favorite Videogames!

"Most Life-Changing Game"

"Top 10 Fetishes"

I am also writing blogs about videogame themed doujinshi (yes, really). I'm just starting, so there aren't many written yet, but the few that are written can be seen here. If you enjoy these, feel free to message me on any recommendations, suggestions, or if one of the images I've chosen is too naughty. :P

Part 1: Monster Hunter and Kid Icarus: Uprising

Part 2: Demons Souls and Darkstalker

Part 3: Blazblue

Part 4: Super Mario Brothers

Part 5: iDOLM@STER

Part 6: Persona 4

I don't just restrict myself to videogames though!

Two Siblings - Fela Pure

The Amazing World of Gumball (ya, really)

And just for giggles, here's a couple of blogs that I've personally enjoyed writing myself!

A Fantasy Fulfilled: Adventuring Akihabara

Short Story: Love Over Time (videogame related)

Ice Climbers fan fiction part 1: Siblings of the Summit

Ice Climbers fan fiction part 2: Siblings of the Stadium

Ice Climber fan fiction part 3: Siblings of the Subspace
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When people ask me which videogame scares me the most, I could probably use a list of familiar titles like Resident Evil or Dead Space and they'll nod their heads and agree... but the truth is, the game that gives me such a fright is one that a lot of people are sick of hearing due to its overexposure in the realm of YouTube: Slender: the Eight Pages. Having played this game even before it got the subtitle (damn, that make me sound like a hipster), Slender was a fun little romp to play every now and then, and I genuinely get scared whenever I boot it up on my laptop. Now, a lot of people who have played this game have said, and I'm sure many of you fine Dtoiders will agree with them, is that the game isn't very scary: the game solely relies on jump-scares, and if you aren't afraid of being captured by the pasty-white gentleman in a noir-black suit, then obviously a lot of the fear factor is lost on you... though I wonder how much scarier would he be if there was a color swap of him being black with a white suit?

To tell you the truth, I don't find Slenderman all that scary either. Sure, the Marble Hornets videos are well-done, and the creepypasta that spawns from his legacy can be the stuff of nightmares, but when it boils down to it, you're essentially being chased by a finely dressed mannequin... and even then, actual mannequins are creepier with their dead eyes and lifeless expression! However, the idea that you're being chased is frightening enough on its own, and there's something about the design of the game that makes Slender: The Eight Pages a lot more playable than the sequel!

This better not be the same tree as in Deadly Premonition...

First of all, the game isn't really linear: sure, there's an obvious path to take, and the goal of the game is to acquire eight pages before the Slenderman comes and takes you away... but although there's a recommended order to retrieve them in, you could technically snatch them however you like, and the first time you play without a guide, you're going to be wandering around in search for them. I like how Slender does this because this means that you're dropped in an open-ish area in search of these pages, and it's only through exploration and repetition can you deduce where the pages might be: obviously, the landmarks you stumble into may contain a page, but its exact spot is randomized... and it might not even appear on every playthrough! See, as stated numerous times, there are eight pieces of paper you need to find, but there's ten possible places they could spawn in, not to mention different spots on that location where it could be. For example, a page could be on a wall of an "X" styled structure... but which wall?

Now, after you play it long enough, you can start to memorize where the collectibles are... but this isn't a scavanger hunt: the more pages you have in your possession, the more relentless the Slenderman becomes, and the more he starts to actively chase you! This means that there isn't much time to search a spot throughly, especially if you have more than half of the pages in your pocket, so if you can't find it when you arrive, every second you spend looking for it is another second that he'll catch up to you... when it might not even be there at all! I once read in a Spice and Wolf volume that it's harder to prove that something isn't there than it is proving that it is, and for this game, I agree: if the page is in plain sight, you just nab it and move forward... but if you don't see it, how do you know it's not there unless you check every spot it could appear on before making that deduction? Furthermore, if you have seven pages, and you could swear that you checked all 10 locations, then you're going to have to visit, at most, three locations in search them again... provided that you remembered where you found the other pages!

10/10, would read again!

Sounds tense, right? As you know, the whole time you're playing, you're being chased by Slenderman, and although I said his design isn't scary, it's the jump scare of him appearing that makes my heart jump. See, even though you have to get caught regardless if you grab all the pages or not, there's something of a feeling of victory of being able to snatch them all anyway, and I wanna win... so while Slenderman isn't frightening in itself, the point is is that he's the one stopping you from winning, so whenever he appears, there's a chance that I'm going to get a game over, and now way am I going to let that fucker get the best of me! Of course, I would be lying if I didn't say that his appearance doesn't scare me, because it really does: turning around and spotting him hiding behind a tree staring at me and causing my screen to flicker in the dark room with a loud screech echoing in my ear drums is enough to make me jump in my seat!

In this game, you're virtually defenseless: all you have is the light from your recorder and the sprinting of your feet, neither of which are infinite. This isn't like other action-esque horror games like DOOM, Resident Evil 4, or Dead Space 2 where you can simply shoot whatever scares you in the face out of reflex or reaction... there is no fight-or-flight; there is only one option to take whenever you spot Slenderman, and it isn't trying to blind him with your torch: shining a light in his face doesn't do jack when he has no eyes! So, you run, and run, and run, hoping that he doesn't catch up... but after you run long enough and he manages to always appear in the vicinity, you come into the realization that you can never truly get away: he can "teleport" to wherever you are, so you must press through the rest of the playthrough with him either nipping at your ankles, or standing off to the side where you might catch him off the corner of your eye!

Peek-a-boo: I see you!

One scary part that can happen is when your character can see him, but you don't see him yourself; if that description sounds a little too vague to understand, it's like trying to find Waldo: he's there, and you're technically "looking" at him when you examine at the entire picture... but you don't "spot" him. Anyway, other than being caught, the other way to lose this game is if you stare at Slenderman for too long, in keeping with his legend of causing hallucinations whenever someone glances at him. The game lets you know whenever you're looking at him by the fuzzing of your screen, with an appropriate static sound effect... but without pointing out exactly where ol' Slendy is, chances are, if you attempt to look in one direction, you could inadvertantly end up staring him right in the face! This can cause tension to arise whenever you see your screen getting fuzzy, but no matter where you look, it only gets fuzzier and fuzzier until you finally lose; it doesn't help that, the more pages you collect, the foggier the forest gets, and more than likely, by this point of the game, the battery of your camera is dim and dying.

The absolute worst part of the game, for better or for worse, is the "bathroom" in the middle of the forest: not only is it dark and dank despite the white tiles everywhere, but there are several places where a page could be... and as I said, Slenderman can teleport, so when you're in a cramp building with only a few exits and dead ends, it is practically a death wish to go here by the end point of the playthrough. Normally, the best recommendation for this is to either go here early and hope the page is somewhere where you can get in and get out as quickly as possible, or come here once to investigate one side and then come back again to check the other side... but no matter what, walking in here is pretty much suicide because, even if you don't have any pages going in, finding one or taking too long to find one will have Slenderman coming after you anyway, and if he blocks the only exit, it's game over, man! No matter how many times I've played this, I hate going into this building, and it gives me too many chills seeing him stand at the exit...

He's always right around the corner...

Anyway, Slender: The Eight Pages is one of the scariest games I've played due to its game mechanics, like "requiring" you to shut off your flashlight every now and then to prevent the battery from permanently dying... but also because of its emphasis on non-scripted scares: you never know when you'll spot Slenderman standing behind a tree because he could be in a different spot each time, and trust me, whenever your character suddenly turns around and Slenderman is standing over you, you just know you're fucked... and when you have seven pages and you can see the eighth shimmering off in the distance and you're hoping that you can sprint long enough to snatch it, even more so if you arrive and start rapidly clicking your mouse in an desperate attempt to collect it, your heart will be pounding as though you're trying to outrun a monster before the exit shuts to trap you both there forever.

Slender: The Eight Pages might not necessarily keep me up at night, but it's a thrill nonetheless!

Photo Photo Photo

Everyone picks a character in fighting games based on many things: perhaps the character is someone you can relate to; perhaps the character just suits your play style; perhaps the character is a personal favorite of yours and you simply want to represent... but for me, while it can be a combination of all the above, I won't deny that I sometimes (read: the majority of the time) pick characters based on their looks. I mean, I'm guilty of picking Ayane from Dead or Alive 4, Ivy from SoulCalibur IV, and even Mileena from Mortal Kombat 9 just because they look hot, jiggle when they punch, and I do so love to button smash... and I've been trained to do that with one hand!

So, really, is there any question that I wouldn't pick Palutena, who is, undeniably, THE hottest character in the roster?

Sure, while it's damn heartbreaking that my favorite couple Ice Climbers aren't playable in the newest entry Super Smash Brothers in the series (and I'm totally calling provisional dibs in case they become playable at any point in the future)... I have to accept the fact that they're unavailable. However, it helps me feel better and sleep at night to think that, as the brother-sister incest couple that they are, that they are sitting out the fight because either Nana's pregnant with Popo's baby... or they're making one as we speak.

Anyway, here are my reasons why you filthy plebeians don't deserve Palutena!

Yes, Palutena is the hottest character in the game!

Bitch, did I stutter?

But really, was there any competition? I mean, come on, let's just look at some of them: from all images of the female Villager I saw, from the overly sparkly eyes, the eyelash job that looks half-done, to that weird haircut that looks like a mix between a top knot and pigtails... ew, not even animals in her town would want to go out with her, and trust me, I've seen enough bestiality to know that animals aren't picky. And Zelda? Psh, her ears are so pointy that they look like a Lamborghini coming down the street with the doors wide open, and she's so insecure about being a woman that she has to crossdress as Sheik and act like a man. And Princess Peach is such a cock tease: sure, maybe she'd be worth pursuing, but if Mario hasn't found that out yet, then I'm sure as hell not going to waste my time.

The Wii Fit Trainer does have some nice curves, and yoga is certainly something that a lot more women needs to be doing... but ugh, what's with the pasty white skin!? I mean, for someone who does so much excerise, you'd think she would have a tan or something: what, does she just stay inside her studio all day? And if she does, does she not look at her reflection in that big ass mirror she has installed in the back!? Wait... wait a minute... is she... is she missing pupils!? That's... that's... oh my gosh, that's freaking creepy: kill it with fire, kill it with fire!... and I don't mean the burn you feel when working out!

Still got quite the ass though...

Oh, this is fun; I wonder who else should I bag on next! Okay, well, Samus is always wearing that metal suit of armor when she's fighting so she must get really... hot and s-sweaty inside... and when she takes it off, she'd either wear that sexy skin-tight suit that hugs her body so right, or her other revealing outfit that not only show her curves off naturally, but also a lot of her smooth skin... Uh, you know what, I'll come back to her.

Now then, Rosalina has that typical emo "hair parted over one eye" look, but past that you can see... her breathtaking beauty... b-b-but by the way she dresses, you can tell that she... emits this extravagent elegence that she has in spades... and I'm not even going to try to badmouth the Fire Emblem characters: Marth is a really pretty boy, and I certainly can't talk smack about Robin and Lucina either since both of them just scream "waifu" material.

However, even though there are, admittedly, a lot more attractive additions to the roster than I had previously assumed (I stand by my earlier assessments of the Villager, Zelda, and Wii Fit Trainer), if this was a dating sim, the one I'm ultimately going to choose is still Palutena because, guess what...

Goddesses are my 2nd Favorite Fetish!

I guess you could say I'm... "Blinded by Light"

Don't think I just made that up on the spot! See, I've been playing Professor Layton vs Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney and I know that you need to present evidence to back up such a claim so... TAKE THAT: I have a blog for your viewing pleasure a blog about my Top 10 Favorite Fetishes (out of a possible 37) and guess what I listed for number 2...

Well, assuming that you were too creeped out that you couldn't make it that far, or if the concept of hyperlinks is still new to you, it's goddesses: goddesses are sexy as hell, and Palutena is a goddess... therefore, Palutena is sexy as hell, and no one is going to argue with that logic.

Now, I played a lot of Kid Icarus: Uprising, so I spend a lot of time with the lovely lady, and she has such a wonderful, playful personality that she would absolutely be a delight to hang out with: seriously, I've mentioned this on several occassions, but the teasing Palutena likes to give Pit, along with her sense of humor and her motherly demeanor yet child at heart attitude she presents, are the perect ingredients for a waifu... not to mention that she also has an affinity for bathing in hot springs! Best of all, her voice actress portrays her so well that I could literally get an erection just listening to Palutena's voice alone.

I swear, if I ever get to have a conversation with Ali Hillis in person, I really hope I'm not wearing jeans.

She could totally get me into Heaven.

Which is good, because I'm going to need all the help I'm gonna get because...

Palutena knows how to work it!

Need I say more?

And she knows how to give head.

Flying headbutts, I mean.

Photo Photo Photo

For as long as I can remember, I've always dreamed about going to Tokyo, Japan, specifically the Akihabara district: as the cultural center of all things otaku, which is probably the closest thing I could be described as (if not a deranged sexual deviant: have you seen my hard drive?)... it's only natural to want to check out the sights for myself instead of looking up pictures on my laptop. However, while I have entertained the idea of going there, even dreaming about it during the day when I feel like escaping the humdrum of life, one thing I've always wondered was: what did I really want to do once I finally step foot into the city? Sure, I could chow down on the cuisine and pack on the pounds, explore what the place has to offer such as the ever so popular maid cafes, or even access an adult store to buy a box full of porn to take back with me to the States (because you know I will!)... but none of these things were something that would've really made the trip special, and I think I know why: I realized that, I didn't really want to go to Japan per se... but rather, I wanted to have an adventure, kind of like what you would see happen in anime and videogames.

When I first heard about the original Akiba's Trip for the PSP, I thought it was so interesting that I had to import it and try it out for myself: set in the one and only Electric Town Akihabara, you play as a character who goes on an adventure to rid this fine city of these vampire-like creatures not just by punching them in the face and swinging them in the guts... but by exposing their skin to the sun by stripping their stylish clothes off their backs! I was so in love with the presentation and premise of the game that I would desperately wish that it would be localized for North America... but that wish might as well be in vain because, during that time, the PSP wasn't getting the support in the United States as it was in Japan (anyone remember Final Fantasy Type-0?), so it was a pipe dream to sleep on. However, when I first heard that this game is getting a sequel, I was pretty excited... but imagine my surprise that, not only was this game going to be localized overseas, but it was even going to feature an English dub!

I was literally drooling at the thought of playing this: like a sponge, I wanted to absorb as much information as I could (without spoiling the game, of course) by watching videos of its combat system, and with each passing day counting down to the release date, I felt like a rocket ready to take off. The very first day it came out in North America, I went to Gamestop to buy it, and I cleared out my day in advance just so I could play it without interruptions... and I immediately fell in love with it. I thought about writing a review, but then I realized something: a review isn't going accurately portray how much I love this game (because, if I'm honest, it sure as hell isn't not perfect)... so instead, I opted to dedicate this entire blog telling you why I love this game so very much.

The City of (otaku) Dreams

Catches your eye, doesn't it? Certainly gets my attention...

They really sold the district here. As you can tell from these comparison photos featured in Kotaku, while it might not be a 1:1 picture-perfect representation of the city, and the game features not completely deserted, but still eerily empty streets, it can get pretty damn close: when you walk around, you can see some places that, while you unforunately can't enter, are still pretty notable like the Gundam Cafe, Go!Go!Curry, and a spoof of the AKB48 Cafe... which is only a spoof because, despite having many actual locations in the game, they couldn't get the licensing. However, there's still a sizable amount of stores replicated in the game, and as though to prove it, the people on the streets hand out flyers that not only advertises stores that actually exist in real life, but even where they could be found... assuming the in-game map is as accurate as it is to the actual Akihabara: I might never ever get the chance to find out for myself, but I'm just going to assume that they are. Speaking of advertising, one nice touch that they implemented to soften the blow of the overwhelming amount of loading screens are actual ads for stores, animes, and videogames.

Because of that, I actually don't mind the loading screens: they may be abundant, but they're really rather short, and by the time I recognize what anime or videogame they're showing me, I was already too preoccupied to be bothered. And I tell you, the feeling of walking through the city and seeing posters of the videogame Mind Zero plastered everywhere, and even a bus painted with characters from Ragnarok Odyssey Ace driving by, is pretty cool... but it's even better to actually watch them while you're out exploring: whenever you see a plasma screen television, you can look up and watch a short trailer of videogames such as the aforementioned Mind Zero and Ragnarok Odyssey Ace, as well as Disgaea 4: A Promise Revisited, Conception II: Children of the Seven Stars, and even that one Super Sonico game where you dress her up and take pictures of her (as though this game didn't have enough boobs already!). As a fan of both anime and videogames, though more the latter than the former, I love that this adventure takes place in Akihabara because it really does represent the otaku culture, and anyone who is up to date with it will get a kick out seeing things they recognize.

A Place Where I Can Be Myself

Well, that's not my character, but he looks close enough.

I love videogames where I can play as my own character because, while some games allows you to dictate the actions of the hero you're playing as, like Ludger in the recently released Tales of Xillia 2... playing as someone whose clothes, weapons, and even personality are all decided by the player, is something that really allows me to get immersed into the game. After only playing for an hour or so, I already found the clothes that I knew that I would wear for the rest of the game because they were as close to representing me in real life as possible: it's nothing special, especially when the items are called "Ordinary Jeans" and "Cheap Windbreaker"... but I'm not special, and that's what my character is going to be too, damn it! Now, with names like that, you might be right in assuming this is some low-level gear that's going to cripple me for later encounters... but with a simple, yet very appreciated "synthesis" system this game offers, I can rest assured that I'm able to keep the clothes I like and yet still have stats to scrape with the best of them: the same also applies to weapons! I applaud this underappreciated mechanic because I always hate in RPGs when everyone has to have this uber set of armor and weapons to survive an onslaught of vicious monsters... when I just want to look cool!

While I mostly stuck with the same type of clothing for the majority of my time with this game, there are a bunch of other clothes to "unlock", ranging from anime T-shirts and fine-looking suits, to goofy outfits like a bear costume and a butler uniform: you can even eventually unlock the ability to crossdress, complete with (hopefully) fake boobs! In addition to all that, you can also unlock different "walking styles", which not only changes the way your character moves about, but even some of his idle animations: one style has you walking while flicking the screen of your cellphone like the average New Yorker, while another has you pretending to be a mime who pretends he's getting pulled by the hand when he runs around and acts like he's trapped within a box when he's standing still! It's all very silly, but it's kind of fun to make this game as wacky as possible... which gets even more so when you can also unlock different ways to strip girls! Do you want to act like a perverted Master of the Drunken Fist technique... or are you more of the martial arts expert by using the Encyclopedia of Real Fighting method? There's even one that allows you to use telekinesis to shed them of their clothes, made awkward with oddly sexual moaning!

"With great power comes great responsibility." Yeah, "great responsibility" isn't what came out of me when I used my powers...

One of the best thing about the customization in this game is that, not only can I customize my character but you can eventually unlock the ability can customize your partner's clothes! Do you not like their default attire? Want to roll with someone who's as sharply dressed as you? Or maybe you're just really curious to see what she looks like in a Chinese dress, short skirts, perhaps even a maid's outfit... whatever you want, she will wear it! While I'm slightly disappointed that there's no wacky costumes like a ripoff of the Power Rangers (Super Sentai, if you're that guy) series, I definitely appreciate that you can really tailor a good chunk of your game to your liking, and with supposefully around 400 different articles of clothing, you can play dress up as much as your horny self desires: it's like one giant Barbie set! You can even change the character's character model, so if you want every character to look like another character and pretend they're all clones, you can do that to! You can even unlock the ability to turn them into chibis or giants if you so desire (major boobage), and there's an outfit called the "King's" clothes which is just a pair of invisible shirts and pants... meaning, when worn, would have the person roaming around in their underwear! I hope to give one to all my female friends and pretend that I get all the bitches because I'm cool like that!

Speaking of being cool (...shut it, hecklers!), one of my favorite part of this game is also being able to choose my own dialogue choices. Sure, the majority of them have absolutely no real bearing on the story, with the few that do only dictating whose character "route" you'll play the last part of the game with... but the choices typically range from being the melodramatic lines suitable for animes this game mocks to lines that had me laughing my ass off. Seriously, this game had me busting a gut since even the beginning: after a sexy, yet somewhat suspicious, character walks away and your partner is asking you for your thoughts about her, you can be cheeky and respond by saying "I think she likes me", prompting your partner to look at you and go "...that's not what I meant"; another example would be, after being told that you are unable to absorb sunlight, you can get snarky to a serious situation by saying "you mean I can't photosynthesize anymore!?" I love that my character can be funny because, I guess since I'm so shy and really reserved in real life, in here I can pretend to have sharp wit and snappy remarks, allowing me to further immerse myself in this fantasy... kind of like how Spider-Man makes a quick quip every now and then.

Oh, and by the way, she was so totally likes me.

"I am the Freedom Fighter"

I'm stripping his clothes for great justice, I swear!

Speaking of Spider-Man, one of my favorite fantasies that stemmed from my childhood and yet still manages to exist within me today (aside from straight shota, which I will probably never get over...) is being a vigilante. I'll admit that I may have something of a hero's complex: I like the idea of being hailed as someone who is a savior, someone would help those in need, someone that protects the people instead of needing to be protected... and this game's story is allows me to feel like I'm saving the city. See, my character Decker is part of a small, tight-knit group who calls themselves the "Akiba Freedom Fighters", who might have start out as a glorified Neighborhood Watch Committee since they only "patrol" the streets looking for any suspicious activity to report... but after learning about the vampire-like enemies known as the Synthisters, they all rise up to the challenge, determined to stop them from ruining the city that they love by taking matters into their own hands (since the police sure as hell aren't going to believe them). It may not be the most riveting tale to be told as there's nothing that happens that would make one cling to the edge of their seats in anticipation, but it suits the setting rather well.

While the narrative makes it appear that the "Akiba Freedom Fighters" are unsung heroes since no one knows what they're truly doing to save Akihabara from behind the scenes, that doesn't mean that you can't earn a little recognition for yourself: while it's not as well done as it was in Watch Dogs, in which the game constantly generates crime that you can stop... in Akiba's Trip, there are "side-quests" that you can complete that, not only rewards money, experience points, and any unique item drops you might've picked up, but also makes the people more aware of who you are. See, you can select a "title" or a "nickname" for people to call you, and the more side-quests you do, the more people will call you by it, and I even did a little role-playing with it: when I first started the game, I used the title "Rookie Freedom Fighter" because I was what I was... however, as I helped out more people on the streets and they started recognizing me wherever I go, I eventually changed it to "Veteran Freedom Fighter", and even "Defender of Akiba" when it was clear that I was completely deserving of it. I can't tell you the feeling I felt when I walked through a crowd and every one of them praised me .

Well, almost everyone... jerk. You know who you were.

Strike them and Strip them!

"Handle the guys: I'll be stripping this lovely lady in the meantime."

While some side-quests do boil down to fetch quests such as going here, picking up this, and bringing it back or to another person, there are times when you're going to need to get down and dirty: lots of these requests involves getting into scrapes, and you're going to need to put your fists up to fight... or whatever you happen to be holding at the time. Like how there are a vast amount of clothing to wear in the game, there are tons of weapons to equip yourself with: sure, there are really only four weapon types, and each weapon has only a minimal amount of unique moves and characteristics... but the idea that I could punch people in the face with boxing gloves, smack them silly with an aluminum bat, or even trip them with a giant kebab is really kooky! With so many different items ranging from practical weapons to just being plain funny to fight with, there's something for everyone: personally, I found these replicas of pistols that I absolutely love because handguns are my favorite type of guns, and even if these aren't able to shoot projectiles, I'm pretending to live out my gun-fu fighting fantasies. I'm disappointed that there's not much more wacky items such as a giant plasma screen television set (which was actually usable in the first game, if I recall correctly) or a stop sign that I would get all punny with...

But I guess the weapons don't need to be all that silly because, as I said earlier, the only way to defeat them completely is to strip them of their clothing so you can expose their skin to sunlight! This means that, since fights can break out in public, in broad daylight, with other pedestrians wandering the streets, you're giving everyone a free peep show! Now, I don't know for sure if anyone actually whipped out their phones, because I sure as hell would if a girl was getting stripped down to her bra straps... but still: getting into a brawl in the middle of a city is something that I love doing in open-world games like Grand Theft Auto V and Sleeping Dogs... and hey, any game that lets you pull off their pants and reveal their pink panties underneath is an awesome one! Plus, this way of ending battles means that there's really no harm in it: unlike other games where you either have to knock them out, break their bones, or send them six feet under... in this game, all you really have to do is rip off their clothes; if they're human, then they'll get embarassed and run off. Now, you might be wondering what happens when they aren't human and they're screaming as the sun boils them alive... but you can rest easy: the game writes it of as 'purifying" them back to humans, giving you another reason to strip as many Synthisters as you can!

Why So Serious?

Needs more plot. Lots more.

Okay, so "purifying" the enemy might sound like a cop-out to a more serious solution to the problem... but it fits the tone of this game: the narrative, if you haven't realized it by the examples of the dialogue I wrote earlier, is actually rather light-hearted, even to the point that the characters themselves mock the cliche's. Seriously, without spoiling anything, after a revelation is revealed to the cast of characters, one of them reacts by saying that he totally called it and regrets not having said it out loud! Now, even though there's a bit of danger at the end of the game, I'm going to guess that a lot of you don't like the idea that this isn't some grand adventure of epic proportions... but not only am I okay with it, but if I'm to be honest, I find that I'm able to become even more immersed by it. I mean, a videogame like The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (have ya heard of it?) is a popular choice for people who wish they could travel to a place like that, but I could never live in such a world: there's danger around every corner, there's dark deities that can be summoned on a whim, and at any given moment, either a dragon can swoop down and gobble you up... or an angry Dragonborn asshole can Fus-Ro-Da you in the face when breath mints haven't been invented yet.

The horror.

In Akiba's Trip, not only does it take place in modern times where cellphones, videogames, the internet, and all the other things that makes life so comfortable exist, meaning I wouldn't have to give anything up if I were to live to that world (especially porn and indoor plumbing)... but, since there's no real sense of danger, it's not hard to imagine that a guy like me can tussle with a few Synthisters: sure, the actual combat might involve me having taking a keyboard to the back of the head, but it doesn't seem like anyone ever gets knocked out or anything, so the worst I'll lose is my clothing... and even then, once you see me in my underwear, everyone's going to win anyway! Besides, I also really enjoy hanging with the cast of characters, who seem really laid back and chill: while they aren't anything more than character archetypes like the childhood friend tomboy Tohko, the prissy and snarky tsundere Rin, the romantic love interest Shizuki, the foreigner Kati, or the delicious MILF Shion Kasugai... each character have a distinct personality that makes them likable, and they also have their own share of jokes to spew that steals your spotlight.

Nana - My Adorable Little Sister

My little sister can't be this cute!

But my absolute favorite character in this game... besides myself, of course... isn't the lovely Ms. Kasugai... but rather, the little sister character Nana! As much as I love a good MILF, especially one over the age of 25... if you recall from my blog of my "Top 10 Fetishes", they are number four on my list, with "sisters" being at the top: I can't even tell you how wide of a smile I had on my face when a character questions if Nana is related to me... and she confirms our relationship with "no, we're definitely blood siblings". However, just because she's related by blood doesn't automatically make her number one in my heart; it's also because not only is she adorable, but she's also a lot like me in real life: she's unique, she's a shut-in, she's an otaku, and she's always wearing a hoodie (well, a parka... but close enough)! She also has a unique manner of speaking, as shown in the very first conversation you have with her in which she tells you that, for making her worry for three whole days, she proposes a way for you to apologize: "The present situation is thus: there is approximately one little sister standing before you, desiring of a character tee which that shop over there just got in. Your mission: purchase shirt for adorable sister."

How could I say "no"!?

I also can't say "no" to hanging out with her because, as I've said before, I've always wanted a sister to pal around out with! While the "mini-game" for deciding what to do is mostly random, there are a bunch of scenes exclusive to her: she can pat you on the head for a job well done, she will let you use her lap as a pillow, we can strike poses, we can both take a nap together on the same bed, and we can even wash ourselves in the same bathtub (guess which one I like best?)! If you're also inclined, you can select her as a fighting companion when you go Synthister hunting, which I like to do often because it makes me fight better knowing that I also have to watch my sister's back. My favorite part of bringing her to combat though is her Unison Strip, which is essentially a tag-team attack: I hold the enemy from behind and signal my sister to attack, which she does... but her swings are so wide and so powerful that they smack me across the face, and she does it multiple times before tripping over her own feet, prompting me to strip the enemy by myself so I can make my way over to Nana and pick her up off the ground. If that isn't cute enough, once she's fully on her feet, you both smile and nod at each other before turning your heads back towards the remaining enemies, which was so adorable that I had to use it as my avatar.

Oh, steamy... I like where this going.

I said that I wanted to go to Akihabara because I wanted to have an adventure, and that's what I got with this game: it really has made my fantasies into a playable reality, and it's as close to a perfect game that I'm probably ever going to get... outside of creating my own, at least. If you recall earlier, I played the first game after importing it from Japan, but I didn't get any further than an hour due to me not knowing the language (which, in hindsight, is something I really should've expected). That being said, I was so in love with the premise and presentation that I already knew that I was going to love Undead and Undressed before even playing it... so when I finally did play it, it not only reaches my expectations, but it also actually manages to blow it away: the amount of things to customize is very expansive when you unlock more of the options, allowing one to craft their own adventures, and the localization is clearly top-notch, with an English dub cast that really injects personality into each of the characters, Cindy Robinson's Nana especially! In less than the week I bought it, I've already beaten the game twice on Tohko's and Shion's route, and I plan to run through the game two more times for Rin's and Shizuki's route: I might even get my first Platinum trophy!

I really hope they make a sequel to this game. Before I finished it, I felt the same way we all felt when we're about to complete a game that we didn't want to see end: we try to put off the inevitable by screwing around, hoping that there's something else to do besides the story in the meantime if it means staying in this world for just a bit longer... like trying to catch a few extras minutes of sleep to continue the dream we're having. I knew I was getting close to the end, and it was giving me a strange sense of melancholy, like accepting that I will have to wake up soon. However, once I was on the final paces of the game and stuff starts to go down and people started to get hurt, I had to put aside my selfish desire to keep the story going by heading to the final boss to put a stop to his nefarious evildoings: in essence, I felt like a true hero for making such a sacrifice... and being a hero is what would I want to be if I ever had a chance to have an adventure in Akihabara, so what more could I possibly ask for?

Actually, guess what: remember when I told you you can change a character's clothes? Well, you can also unlock the ability to change their underwear: this means I can switch my sister's pink pre-teen panties to frilly little lingerie, if not pink pasties that just barely covers her butt!

This game truly is a dream come true.
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The iDOLM@STER series (which will now be referred to as simply "Idolmaster" because I'm boring like that) hasn't really reached across the pond and onto the shores of the United States. Yes, while we did get that one weird mech anime spin-off and those iOS games that I will never talk about because I'm about as angry as they are expensive... the Idolmaster games I want are something of a cross between a business simulation and a rhythm game: on-stage, the game presumably plays like Hatsune Miku: Project Diva F in that you press the right button at the right time in the song to score points... but off-stage, you are the idol's producer who must book her shows, schedule her time, manage her relationships between you and the other idols in the industry, and everything else a manger has to do. Unforunately, as great as they sound, for such a text-heavy game, these aren't exactly import-friendly to an English-only reader... unless my idol likes to dress in rags and play in dumps and dives singing show tunes.

So, if it hasn't been released in my country, then how have I heard of it? Well, guess what: it appears to be in demand in the doujinshi world because there's a ton of them out there, and even more so if you just count individual, one-shot images. As someone who regularly browse hentai manga websites, I pretty much see Idolmaster doujinshi every now and then, so of course, I get curious to see what all the hype is about. I guess I really can't blame them: idols are pretty damn popular over there, almost to the point of obsession... so naturally, a series about idols, who are dozens in numbers if you count the social mobile spin-off Cinderella Girls, is ripe for the taking of horny people's money. Seriously, there are so many idols that there's bound to be one for everyone... and seems to be suited for a particular character type (a.k.a. fetish): there's the gothic Ranko Kanzaki, the nun Clarice, the MILF-looking Shino Hiiragi, the flight attendent Natsumi Soma, the athletic Nagisa Aino, the ninja-like Ayame Hamaguchi... the list goes on and on!

Now, for this next entry in my relatively-new blog series, I want to talk about two Idolmaster doujinshi that I quite enjoyed, and thought that they are interesting enough to share with the rest of you! Without further ado, let's get started!

Mimura Kanako Eats a Lot!

Now I know where she learned how to slurp...

Although she's one of the "playable" characters in the aforementioned Cinderella Girls spin-off, meaning that she's not a character in the series proper, Kanako Mimura seems pretty down to Earth in this doujinshi: asking her producer if there's time to snag lunch before their next scheduled shoot, she takes him to a shop that sells curry udon (noodles) to slurp down, smiling in joy that it's so tasty... despite being worth 680 calories (yes, that's actually written in the manga). But she doesn't want to stop there: spotting a takoyaki shop across the street, takoyaki being deep-fried balls of batter with octopus and onions inside worth about 432 calories for presumably the whole platter, she comments on how tender and sticky they are... but now she wants something sweet to wash it down with, so she heads to a dessert store to order a nice looking parfait that consists of vanilla ice cream surrounded by strawberries, slathered with strawberry syrup, and topped with a wafer stick, all of which adds 441 calories to her body.

Still having time to kill, Kanako decides to take the producer out for a walk to the park... but upon smelling the sweet scent of crepes coming from the stand, Kanako couldn't resist that 353 calorie-filled treat. You would think, after being dragged all over the town for food, that the producer would be annoyed with her munchies... but instead, he finds it cute, and actually enjoys watching her eat (it should be noted that the producer doesn't say anything, as evident by the lack of voice bubbles that Kanako responds to, giving the impression that you're supposed to be him). It makes her bashful at first, especially when she admits that she's getting a little chubby... but apparently, that's just more cushion for the pushing, because we all knew it was going to turn out this way: taking her from behind, she loves the feeling of a penis sliding between her fat ass and thighs (her words, not mine!), before figuring that, since she needs to lose weight, that she will take the lead by going on top since that would mean that she'll be doing all the work!

Guys, this is when you immediately shake your head and lie your ass off.

At least, she would've... but after a few pumps or so (you can never tell how long the sex lasts in a hentai manga unless they specify it because there are only so many pages), the producer starts playing with her belly rolls (my words, not hers) and she gets embarassed. However sexy the cowgirl position is though, especially with a lovely plump girl in charge, the producer decides to switch to the missionary position, which is great for Kanako because she comments on how her "deepest parts" are able to become penetrated (a common saying in hentai manga) and that it's quite perfect for the sperm to be shot inside her. Of course, the sex ends with her sucking the rest out of his hose as though siphoning gas out of someone's car... but there's still one last smile to plant on your face: saying that she'll do great on her next shoot, she spots a gelato cart somewhere, and happily jogs her way there, leaving a small trail of hearts in her wake.

Personally, while the sex looks great (that "melty/ blushing" face being so well-drawn), I just love how happy Kanako is when she's eating: every bite is like ecstasy to her, and I just find the look on her face to be so cute and so adorable that I just want to give her a hug... presuming my arms could reach around her belly. It also incorporates a bit of her personality: not having played the games, I looked her up on the videogame wiki (because almost every videogame has one, especially a series as popular as this) and it says that she likes to eat cookies and cakes, as well as worry about her weight... which explains why some doujinshi featuring her either makes her look very, and deliciously, plump, or has her having sex to lose weight, if not a combination of both. As light-hearted this particular doujinshi is, there isn't too much to say about it since it lasts less than dozen pages... but the next doujinshi in this article is a bit twisted and a little demented, just to balance things out tone-wise and spread my bases out a bit.

Yukiho's Tea is the Flavor of Love!

Seriously, how do they not notice that?

Starting out with two people walking down a hall, they notice a girl suspiciously standing off to the side, seemingly staring at the wall for no apparent reason. As they continue to look at her, they eventually recognize her as Yukiho Hasegawa... but they quickly noticed that something feels "off" about her: she doesn't appear to be "all there", and she definitely lacks the "aura" that idols usually carry with them: that simulated sunshine that emits from the perky behavior they're always strutting. However, they end up dismissing her because, even if Yukiho is an "idol" (this, like her body because this is a hentai manga, will be touched on shortly), the two gentlemen are fans of another fellow pop idol, Miki Hoshii, and thus, they decide to leave Yukiho to her own devices... which turns out to be her cellphone peeking into a bedroom: unbeknowst to everyone else but the privileged readers such as I, she's watching and recording the aforementioned Miki Hoshii having sex with her producer very intensely as she bites on the lock of hair that drifts into her lips as though needing to bite down on something.

Some time after Miki's and the producer's little tryst, they are seen walking like a regular, lovey-dovey couple would: Miki's got her arm around his, and she's clinging to him like lint on a fine suit worn to an interview. She even acts the playful, picture-perfect idol by acting in that baby-ish, yet adorable, way of seeking attention: she even tells the producer what a great job she did today, and when he has to ask what kind of a reward she wants, she pouts and tells him that he knows what she wants (... which is quite clearly the D). However, after he tells her that they must wait until they get home, which Miki openly expresses as a disappointment, they open the door to their room and find Yukiho standing there to greet them. Now, the translation's a little funny regarding whether Yukiho has something to do with Miki's regular assistant being... unavailable, at the moment, but regardless, she decides to help out by making tea for the both of them... as she cradles the very same cellphone that we've seen her with earlier in her hands.

Funny enough, I don't think they actually did it in that position...

As Yukiho is busy preparing them her beverage of choice, Miki decides to take this time to ask about Yukiho's current predicament while they wait: she reveals Yukiho's popularity as an idol is starting to take a really big nosedive after some reporter is writing bad things about her. As scummy as tabloids are, however, it certainly doesn't help that Yukiho's depression is starting to come to light: just like her biography in the Idolmaster videogame, Yukiho has been quoted to have said "I want to dig a hole and bury myself"... which, while admittedly rather tame in comparison to the turn of events impending in the story, still doesn't help her "cheery" image one bit. Although Miki's ultimate intention was her actually trying to cheer up her fellow idol (with that same enthusiasm you'd expect an idol to have), the producer starts reprimanding Miki for talking about such a sensitive subject in front of the very person that they're talking about... but even though Yukiho slams her cup of tea onto the table forcefully, she turns and tells the duo that she doesn't mind: she even asks them if she's able to show them something on her phone.

Although Miki suspiciously starts to slumber after slurping a sip of tea, the producer isn't able to sleep with such a shocking secret exposed right in front of him: Yukiho shows him the recording of the two's relationship, telling the producer how bad it would be if this happens to fall into the hands of the media. However, although Yukiho could blackmail the producer to having many things, like money (since he is the manager of a seemingly successful idol) or even increased fame... she decides that the only type of exposure she wants is her body to him: she simply wants the producer to have sex with her, and by the crazy, desperate look in her eyes (that I personally find oh so sexy...), she isn't taking "no" for an answer. Despite her devious demeanor, she does tell him a sob story though: she rants to the producer she's jealous that Miki doesn't work half as hard as she does yet still manages to be popular, and that she (Yukiho) might not ever make it as an idol... but as long as she has the producer by her side, then she would be okay with it, so she begs the producer to ditch his girlfriend.

Total Yandere. I love it.

Naturally, he refuses such an offer, but rather than blackmail him into it, Yukiho decides to give him a sample of her abilities: pulling down the producers pants to play with his penis, Yuikoho knows what his sensitive spots are, and teases him enough to climax in her mouth, to which she willingly gulps down. Of course, they are almost never satisfied with the first shot... though, in this case, Yukiho mentions that she might've added a little something in his drink: either way, it's time to move to the main event! However, rather than just jump on his stiff stick, Yukiho has something a lot more kinky in mind: she climbs her naked body over the sleeping Miki, and asks the producer to have sex right on top of her... to which he obliges out of own accord! While he's pounding her from behind, Yukiho taunts miki in her sleep: she tells him, with a crazy set of eyes suitable for a yandere (hot), that Miki can't have the producer anymore... that he is falling in love with Yukiho and there's nothing that she can do about it! In fact, when Yukiho asks the producer what he would do if Miki were to wake up, he even gets harder at the thought!

She doesn't wake up anytime soon though: whatever the hell Yukiho put in the tea, it knocked out Miki for a damn long time. Speaking of things being knocked though, even if they covered themselves up, it isn't possible that they could keep this little encounter a secret: Yukiho let the producer cum inside her so she could get pregnant, and I would assume that Yukiho has ensured that it is a guarantee if she's going to tease Miki about it whilst she slumbers. Regardless, it doesn't seem like neither of them cares if Miki finds out or not: when Miki actually wakes up, she is surprised to see the producer sitting in Yukiho's seat (it is actually Yukiho sitting on the producer's lap) and she tells him how mean it is to do that. However, rather than getting off of her seat, the producer is "getting off" in a much more sexual way: turns out, he's actually having sex with Yukiho right at this moment, with only their penis and pussy being exposed underneath the table! Still not satisfied with everything that happened, Yukiho taunts Miki by saying that, while she was having a dream, that Yukiho was having her dream come true.

Well, ignorance is bliss, I guess...

Well, that was pretty twisted, eh? To tell you the truth, it's actually one of the more tamer scenarios that I've read in a doujinshi: one of my favorite fetishes (that I sadly had to cut out of my "Top 10 Favorite Fetishes" blog) happens to be "netorare" hentai. "Netorare", which is Japanese slang that means "taking away by sleeping with", is basically a drastic dip into the subject of cheating: it usually involves a person who is typically in love with another character... but for some reason, rather than having sex with them, they get a much more arousal from having sex with someone else, leaving the person, should they find out (the majority of them do), severely depressed. Normally, these types of hentais get rather twisted: although, admittedly, I gotta give props for that scene when naked Yukiho wants to have sex on top of Miki's body, that's pretty much child's play compared to the "battle-harded" experience I have.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading through these blogs! I write these to kind of add a unique ingredient to this melting pot of community potluck (because, let's be honest: if I wasn't going to write about it, who would've?), and I plan to do more of these when I'm able: I'm already planning on writing a couple of entries regarding series such as Pokemon, Soulcalibur, Dead or Alive, and much, much more. As always, if you made it this far, thanks for reading, it really makes my day, and any suggestions or comments you have (like I could make these blogs more appealing to you, my dear readers), don't be shy: let me know!
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10:27 AM on 08.08.2014

No no, that number isn't a typo: I really mean I love Resident Evil 6. Now, I wouldn't say that it's my favorite Resident Evil and it certainly wasn't perfect by any means... but I didn't find it to be the abomination that everyone believes that it was: some people, including Destructoid's own Jim Sterling, said that it was akin to a Michael Bay film, with it's copious amount of explosions, setpieces, and enemies to kill... which is pretty much the opposite of what an Resident Evil game is supposed to be: campy and corny, limited ammo, and scarce encounters perfectly placed just outside the camera so, as soon as you round the corner, there's a jump scare waiting to make you shriek out in terror (I'm not a fan of the fetch quest-like mechanic of finding a key, finding the door that it unlocks, and repeating the process, so I'm glad that that's mostly gone).

However, while it was drastically different from the series, even in the direction Resident Evil 5[/ was heading in, I honestly thought that this game had some pretty interesting concepts. Sure, it may not have been fully realized, and some of the gameplay mechanics hold it back from being on my list of favorite games... but I enjoyed playing the game so much that I accumulated much playing time on it: it took up the majority of the month that it came out in because I wanted to unlock everything (I didn't, but I tried)! There are some things about the game that really piqued my interest, and I have to give credit where credit is due, so here's a few thoughts why I think Resident Evil 6 stands out to me.

Please hold your projectiles until after I made my case: you'd be amazed how hard it is to speak when a tomato flies directly into the crotch of your pants... and that red liquid that splatters is not tomato juice.

Multiple Heroes!

When one's not enough and two is too low...

Everytime there's an announcement of a new entry, the number one thing I look forward to hearing is who will take the lead role: will it be Leon Kennedy, whose sharp skills, a knack for survival, and witty one-liners, have escaladed him from a police officer into becoming a Secret Service agent... or will it be Chris Redfield, who was part of the original S.T.A.R.s team that got stranded in the mansion in the middle of nowehere, if not Jill Valentine, who also managed to elude and take down the monstosity that is the Nemesis? However, when it was announced that Resident Evil 6 will feature three separate campaigns featuring Leon, Chris, and even Sherry Birkin, the little girl survivor from Resident Evil 2 (who has a disturbing, but not shocking, amount of hentai, particularly with Claire Redfield), and a fourth unlockable campaign featuring the lovely femme fatale gal Ada Wong... and that all the stories will intersect with each other, I immediately giggled like a schoolgirl whose sempai has noticed her.

I was slightly disappointed that their partners were a new cast of characters other than an older character though: as hot as Helen is, with her big ol' booty and her unlockable sexy cop outfit that shows off how much leather loves to hug her behind (but still less than I would), I would've loved to see characters like Jill Valentine, Claire Redfield, and even characters like Barry Burton and Rebecca Chambers take their place, especially when the latter two need more exposure for the fan following they have. Still, although some people would prefer quality over quantity, I love to see a game pack in so many notable characters, and I honestly wish that they included more into the campaign by having them involved with the story... or simply there to round out the Mercenaries roll call since Resident Evil 5: Gold Edition had a much fuller roster, even if the characters only had passing appearances (like my favorite sidekick Josh Stone, or the aforementioned Barry Burton and Rebecca Chambers). Besides, while Jake didn't really grow on me, Piers became a frickin' badass (I don't need to mention Helen) and that's cool.

Heart-pounding Moments!

Excuse me fellas: you got a train to catch.

The campaigns themselves were pretty damn memorable: one of Leon's level sets the bar by having you explore an abandoned school, a dark underground subway tunnel, and finishes it with a bang by having you team up with other survivors at a gas station before taking shelter in the gun shop to fend off a zombie horde long enough to catch a ride... but the other campaigns were no slouches either since one of Chris's level has you roaming through China as part of a military team to mow down the new evolved forms of the Las Plagas virus while Jake is being chased across Eastern Europe by a hulking monster that could give the Nemesis a run for his money (and does an admirable "Kool-Aid" man impression by smashing through walls). Sure, the campaign might be the stuff of summer blockbusters and nothing like the original games... but like the vast amounts of Call of Duty games I played, each action-packed moment really gives me an adrenaline rush, and that's not even considering some of the more awesome scenes, especially the ending of Chris's campaign or the outbreak in Leon's campaign!

I mean, while some levels brought some really frustrating moments (Ada's helicopter segment is a real chore while one of Leon's late boss encounter is a real bore), there are still some pretty controller-gripping moments generously sprinkled throughout your adventure: fighting a giant dog-like B.O.W. on top of a moving train as it rips through the metal with its newly formed projectiles is a better sight than the city, and riding in mine carts and dodging obstacles while avoiding a slimy, naked woman with sharp spider legs is pretty rad (and sexy)! And some of the parts were genuinely haunting: walking through the previously mentioned subway and seeing the shadows of over a dozen zombies coming at me is pretty frightening... but when I was in the middle of a horde onslaught and you see the bright light attached to a whole lot of metal (bonus points if you get the reference, though I'll admit it's pretty damn subtle), my heart so pounded when a zombie grabbed me in the middle of my escape that I almost had a panic attack! 

Campaign Crossover!

Need a ride?

But my absolutely favorite moments in the game are when the campaigns crossover the same events and intersects with one another: it's pretty entertaining to see these characters meet in the same area under their own circumstances like the "Impossible Trinity" Grand Theft Auto IV established with their lead characters. When a television show like The Simpsons do these sorts of things, where they'll play out one character's entire day before replaying that same day from someone else, it's pretty cool to watch, and adds a bit of mystery when you don't know how or why that character is here until you play through his perspective and see how he arrived there. While it was frustrating as fuck (I'd do a sex joke but you probably had enough of that) that Leon and Chris's "meeting" is so disappointing, considering that they only meet once and in a very anti-climatic way for such big stars... the other moments, like a certain character providing sniper support, and the 4 player boss fight that brings me back to the types of encounters Lost Planet 2 had, pretty much outweighted that one scene.

Speaking of 4 players, while it didn't work as intended in practice, the idea that you could team up with other players was really novel because it was done differently: you not only had to be the same level as someone who's also playing through that same level, but as the other set of characters and must arrive at the certain segment at the same time. So, as an example, when one player enters the area with the crossover, they must be playing as Chris and Piers, and the game tries to match him up with someone at that same segment at the same moment, but as Sherry and Jake. Does it sound like a hassle? Yes, and I won't deny that... but it kind of makes sense: it's technically a coincidence that the characters in the campaign are meeting up, so the developers translate that same principle to determine how players will meet each other in the online space. Would a standard mission select be better? Hell yes (disclaimer: you can pick a checkpoint in a patch), but I do admit that the original idea was interesting. Either way, the crossovers were easily the best parts of the game even when you're playing solo.

Better Control and Mobility

Stop, drop, and roll: works on fires, works on whatever the hell that is.

Okay, let's get this out of the way first: the control are not intuitive, are not user-friendly, and are too damn convoluted for its own good... but (you knew there was gonna be one), once you actually take the time to learn them, you can make you character so agile that you're performing John Woo-styled asskickings (is that a word?). With the quickshot mechanic, your character can immediately pop a shot at the nearest enemy with whatever gun they're holding... so if you have a sniper rifle and you noticed that that zombie suddenly disappears from the scope, you can hit the quickshot command and immediately fire the sniper rifle at the zombie lunging to bite you in the neck (total no-scope too!) This can save your ass because, when the enemy is so close that aiming, despite having a bigger target, is still so slow that actually pulling the pistol up to his body to shoot will be too late... you can, at the very least, stun him enough to pop a bullet to its brain. And some character with certain guns can pull this off very stylishly, such as Helen's Hydra: she flips when you use it, and sometimes give a nice view of her ass.

However, that's just the tip of the iceberg because not only can you sprint in this game (I believe this is a first for the series), but you also can do things from a running shoulder bash to sliding soccer tackle: it's even better when you're holding C4 because then you can slide into a group of enemies, plant the bomb down, and then detonate the explosives when you slide out of range to very cleanly, and very stylishly, take them all out. My favorite thing to do has to be dodging an attack, which I know is impossible in the older games with their tank-styled controls (not counting quick-time events in Resident Evil 4 and above), and then returning fire: I tell you, quickshotting a zombie with a shotgun, then jumping backwards to avoid the swing of a monster's giant arm, then whipping out your dual pistols mid-flight to unload in his exposed face before rolling on the ground to narrowly dodge his follow-up, is something that Tequila would be proud of. Sure, this isn't the Resident Evil we know... but I can't deny that that isn't the stuff of awesome water-cooler moments.

So, that's why I love Resident Evil 6, and chances are I know exactly why you hate it... but comment down below and tell me anyway. Would I love for the franchise to continue in this direction? I wouldn't mind it, but I do want the series to continue in the direction of the Resident Evil 5 DLC Lost in Nightmares: the classic Resident Evil feel and atmosphere, but modernized, like how Bravely Default reinvigorated the old-school JRPG by reinventing the mechanics while still keeping the integrity of the genre. That being said, Resident Evil 6 was great, despite the changes they made and the explosions that they added.
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I salute you, GajKnight, for being brave enough to make a Top Ten Fetishes of All Time blog... but how could you not even have the sanity to include me!?

All kidding aside, porn plays a pretty big part of all our lives, and since I already shared way too much information about myself with you guys anyway, I am going to share with you all my own list of my Top 10 favorite fetishes, all with enough details to make you weak in the knees! To be super honest, I had a hard time picking only ten things, and considering how much porn there is on the internet, and how much of it I actually enjoy, I thought that trying to limit it would be damn near impossible. However, after extensive research (you see how much I sweat for my blogs?), cuts have been made, fetishes have been prioritized, and now I bring onto you the top ten things that make me horny (disclaimer: all fetishes are based on hentai content because... ew, real girls).

Now, I bet you're wondering: how does one rank his or her (because I know you're out there!) favorite fetishes? Is it based on how much of it does he consume every day when he's getting his daily fix? Is it based on which one gives him the hardest erection that's tougher than a diamond? Is it based on whether he's afraid to admit it because he wants to socially accepted and not casted as that weird guy who likes this and that? They are all good questions, but I am making this list based on how much of a personal attachment I have to these fetishes of mine and how much they play into my fantasies.

And by personal attachment, I totally mean my penis, so yes: the list is based on how hard I get.
See what I did there?

Honorable Mention - Bestiality

Hypno gets the bitches

Yeah, this started off kind of strong, didn't it? Well, in case you're afraid of how much extreme the list is going to be if this didn't made the cut, you can relax: the list of fetishes actually get more tame as it goes on... to much of your disappointments, I'm sure. Still, what exactly do I find appealing about an animal that I would want to stick my penis in it? Well... I don't: I like it when women are having sex with animals, especially when they are doing so not because they're forced, but of their own free will (well, as free as the artist chooses, anyway). Seeing girls play with their dogs in a much more intimate fashion is pretty interesting in the sense that it's typically playful... but "playing" with horses is another matter all together: the penis is so big that it feels like the epitome of ultimate pleasure when she sticks it in, and the amount they discharge is enough to have girls shower in it. Plus, any woman horny enough to have sex with an animal is most certainly going to consider me... but seeing as how I lack a big penis myself, chances are that she's going to be quite disappointed. 

Also almost making the cut in its place would be either furries (like half-dog, or half-fox especially, half-human hybrids) and monster girls: those long, forked tongues, cat-like eyes, and unique anatomy makes for some interesting encounters... and some creative sexual position would make me ditch humans. Speaking of encounters, I pretty much wanted to include bestiality because I like seeing Pokemon having sex with humans as well: Hypno seems to be a popular choice amongst artists (hopefully I'll cover that in another rousing, or should I say arousing, article about Pokemon doujinshi: I've been meaning to do a three-parter of that for a while)... as well as Machomps for their muscles, Lickitungs and Gengars for their tongues, Tangela for tentacle sex, Dittos for gooey tentacle sex, and so on. Hey, we gotta raise their Affection meter somehow: you don't want to teach a Pokemon Return and have them deal like 1HP of damage, do ya? Well, then you better take a another good look at the word "grinding" then! 

P.S.: I'm totally attracted to Gardevoir and Miltank (yes, really), but that's another blog.

Number 10 - Futanari

There's always one right around the corner...

Speaking of penises, I am always down with a sexy futanari lady: I don't really know what that word means (Wikipedia says it means something "of two kinds") but in this context, it's going to be referred to women with penises. Now, this is going to confuse people by making them think about shemales, trannies, and hermaphodites, so let me straighten things out (totally not subtle erection joke): I'm talking about actual girls with actual penises, and there's many different types of futanari girls, from the standard being a regular woman with just a penis attached to her, to the deluxe, full-packaged ladies with all of the male fixings you expect a guy to come with (balls, pubic hair, and all). Then there's newhalfs which, to be honest, I can't tell the difference (I think it might be shemales), but if there's two separate tags for it in the anime porn sites I go to, then there's gotta be something past a futanari's veiny, manly monument that I'm just not seeing... and trust me, the thing about futanari porn is that artists like their meat sticks to be like how Americans want their McDonald's french fries: super sized. I want to remind you that, because I like giant penises, bestiality ]almost made the list... and I was sad to see it go. :(

Am I gay? No, of cour- well, actually, since two of the fetishes I cut out were traps (like Bridget from Guilty Gear) and otokonokos (boys in woman's clothing, especially lingerie), you might think so... but I like to think myself as straight, and that's what matters. Either way, I can't explain it, but there's something about a girl having a giant, erect penis that rips past the tough denim jeans she's wearing that makes me start salivating... and that "I totally want to stick it inside you and make you scream like a little bitch" look that she gives me that seems to bind me under her spell (plus, it's a very wonderful to say how much she loves me). As much as I love their giant penises though (I'm talking the size of totem poles!), unforunately, I would not be able to fit it inside my mouth, and I'm sure my poor bum wouldn't handle it either (I'm not Mr. Slave!), so I can't have much fun with them... if they were real, of course. Besides, most futanari porn usually involves lesbians, though there are straight, heterosexual futanari porn... well, as straight as watching a guy get a penis shoved in his ass can be anyway.

Number 9 - Bukkake

That is milk, I assure you!

Another kooky word on the list, "bukkake" is, in a sexual sense at least, when multiple guys (or girls, if they're futanari, because that's hot too) gather around a person to shower them with sperm like a circle jerk, but with a female target; in a nonsexual sense, it could refer to the style of pouring hot broth over a bowl of noodles (I'm going to avoid ordering that to avoid misunderstandings). Even though there's typically no sex during this scene as it usually happens at the end of a group session, and sometimes there's actually no penetrative sex at all, it's interesting to see how many people come together (that wordplay) and donate their fluids to charity... which is probably what her name is: I didn't bother to ask. Either way, there's something about spraying a bunch of sticky, slimy stuff on a woman that makes it feel somewhat perverted, and fun pornographic history fact: bukkake was invented because, since genitals must be censored in accordance to Japanese law, sperm isn't required to be, so this is a way to make a scene feel more hardcore despite that.

Anyway, I chose bukkake because a bunch of my fetishes involves cum on many places, such as their boobs, butts, face, lips, mouth, thighs, feet, genitals, glasses, hands, hair, clothes, panties (especially if there's cum on the inside and she continues to wear it)... so I'm going to cheat by having my cake and eating it too! Well, I mean, I would, if the icing doesn't look so sickening at the moment... but hey, speaking of icing and slathered whipped cream, I think this might just be me, but I wouldn't mind having sex with a woman after a full body bukkake scene (which, in hentai, is entirely possible with even only one participant!): sure, she's dirty and drenched, and chances are some of that stuff is going to rub off on me... but if hentai has taught me anything, it's that sperm smells something like an aphrodisiac to a woman, and if she's going to be in heat, I want to take full advantage of that, even if it means having to use some other guy's sperm as a lubricant... accident or otherwise.

Number 8 - Group

Wonderful 101 indeed...

However "hardcore" bukkake scenes are, there's nothing like seeing people work in tandem to pleasure someone! There's multiple versions of group scenes, such as two males and one female, two females but one male, an equal ratio of men and women... but while I enjoy pretty much all kinds, I am quite partial to the eloquently named "gangbang": seeing one woman handle so many penises at once is pretty exciting, and the scene seems so busy when there's so much going on, and yet only so many minutes in that video player, that you could skip to any part of the video and you're bound to see something exciting... that something being a penis, because there's a lot of them! Plus, gangbangs also seem to empower the female image: gangbangs could be considered a marathon of sorts because while the guys can tag out when they're tired, the woman has to withstand everything by herself (if there's more than one, then it's considered an orgy, I believe), and seeing her beg for more when everyone's tuckered out is inspiring. Seriously, think about it.

My favorite type of gangbangs though involve the previously mentioned futanari lesbians, specifically scenes when the girls with penises have sex with a woman who doesn't (though I'm quite fine with she's rocking one too: the more the merrier!). Why? Because aside from the excessive ejaculations (don't even bother with a mop: just grab a bucket and scoop it up), when I fantasize this type of arrangement, I like to imagine myself invited to this little "get-together", and even though the females all have "party favors", we're all going to be using them on the "birthday girl". In fact, one of my favorite hentai manga involves three futanari girls having a gangbang with the school librarian (who is a total MILF, but we'll get to that later), and I enjoyed the manga so much that I almost wrote out my own version of it: yep, that's right, I would've written smut in my own spare time. It's really just the same story with a little more characterization (I had to add myself in the story: I'm the one who call dibs on the vagina, too!) and some extra scenes to make the story run smoother (did I mention that I actually read hentai manga for the plot sometimes?), but one of these days I'll write it just for the hell of it.

Number 7 - Ahegao

It was hard enough trying to find a videogame image, let alone one safe for work...

You may not be familiar with the term, but if you've seen hardcore hentai (and quite possibly real porn if you're watching someone being overly dramatic), then you've seen what it looks like: you know that heat of the moment when the woman's eyes roll up to the back of their heads, their lips quivering like their face is melting, the way they stick their tongues out and stretch their legs apart as they form the peace sign with their hands (disclaimer: I think it's supposed to be "v for victory", but I'm not going to split hairs)? Yeah, that odd, yet somewhat arousing, dopey look on their face is what an "ahegao" is. Apparently meaning "weird face", "ahegao" is essentially what a woman's face looks like when she orgasms, only taken to such extremes that you'd think she was losing her sanity. There's another, more straight-forward term on these anime sites called "fucked silly", which is virtually the same thing: I think the only difference is that "fucked silly" means that their faces aren't weird enough to be considered "ahegao" (it's much more subtle, and usually more grounded), but it's within the same territory.

And what territory is that? That the woman having sex is obviously enjoying it! Sure, in 99% of hentai, the woman makes it apparent that she really loves sex anyway (even in that rare, 1% instance when they don't, they eventually start to love it within the next chapter, episode or whatever)... but the idea that she loves it so much that she loses her rational thought, as though trading them for increased orgasms, just makes porn much more fun to watch because that's also when she starts to really get into it, usually calling for cocks to be shoved in every hole in her body. I don't know, there's just something about watching a woman lose herself to pleasure that makes it a lot more twisted, and way more enjoyable: maybe it's because I'm a selfless giver, so if I'm enjoying myself, then it's only natural of me to want to make sure that she's going to be enjoying herself... but enjoying herself with a bunch of guys too, because solo female maturbation porn could only last for so long without getting boring, and now that I think about it, solo masturbation scenes are actually quite selfish of her. Tsk tsk: sharing is caring, and that includes orgasms.

Number 6 - Teachers

One of my favorite "Social Links"

Speaking of sharing, that was something my teacher taught me... and recently, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, whose porn has become the cartoon equalivant of Sonic the Hedgehog porn, along with the Winx Club and Totally Spies). Anyway, my teachers have taught me a lot of thing throughout my education: how to solve math problems using equations, how to use correct grammar when writing, how to be the perfect lover... Okay, so maybe not that last one, but one common fetish that a lot of people must have because there's so much porn of it, hentai or otherwise, is sleeping with the teacher to get that easy "A". Think about it: you get to have sex and sleep during class, because you and your teacher are gonna want you to be as well-rested as possible when lunchtime roll around, or you get held back after class for that private tutor session! Not only that, but sleeping with someone who is presumably smarter than you sounds pretty nice: who knows, with the English skills she possess, she could somehow turn talking dirty into a poem! All the rappers do it!

Here's a little flashback to my younger self: right around the time I discovered porn, which is very early in my middle school years, I had (who I thought to be, at least) a pretty hot teacher... and since I knew what sex was, I knew that I wanted to have sex with her, and that's because my penis told me. I remember how nice she was to me, I remember the way she looked when she laughed to something I said funny... and I remember that, if we ever wanted a romantic tryst, we could use the storage room at the back of her classroom: it locks from the inside, and even if there's a small window you could peek through, it's nothing a little scotch tape and a piece of paper couldn't cover up, and she always had those on hand. Yeah, I've been a dreamer for a long time, and I used to fantasize dating a teacher... it's just so unforunate that the ratio of hot female teachers is so, so low that it's pretty damn rare to come across one (that phrasing though!). Think that our age differences would've pose a problem? Not for what's next on my list!

Number 5 - Straight Shota

I don't know what he's complaining about: the view is fine down here...

The last Japanese term on the list itself, "shotacon" is a portmanteau of "Shotaro complex", which means something along the lines of "an attraction to young boys"... not unlike how "lolicon", which refers to a "Lolita complex", is used as "an attraction to young girls". So, while I might have something of an attraction to anime boys dressed in frilly, little lingerie, the one taking the 5th spot is "straight shota", which pretty much entails to young boys having sex with girls who are usually older than them (as opposed to standard shotacon being younger boys having sex with older ones). This is pretty appealing to me because, since I got into porn at a very early age, and most of the hentai I consumed feature very voluptuous women (we'll get to that in a minute) instead of girls around my age, so I was always lusting after them instead. However, since most hentais feature mostly high school students having these sexcapades, I thought I would have to wait until I was older to even begin fantasizing about being with them.

Nope: turns out that, while not animated, there exists hentai images where boys who look like they are probably still in elementary school are having sex with a woman old enough to be their mother (I should mention that, not surprisingly, a lot of these include mother-son incest). Though I sadly had to grow up without having any of these sexual encounters happening to me (especially with my aforementioned teacher, because damn was she a hottie... did I say just that about a realgirl?), sometimes I like to imagine myself as being younger and wondering what it would been like had it happen. It's funny: they always said it's the things that you didn't do that you regret most in your life, and while it wasn't exactly in my control, it might've been totally awesome to lose my virginity when I was still in early middle school... but it's too bad that it's now impossible to make that dream come true (until someone discovers the "fountain of youth" I guess). However, I guess my desire to have sex with an older woman must still be dwelling within me like an unfulfilled dream because my next fetish just so happens to be...

Number 4 - MILFs (Mothers I'd Like to Fuck)

The best example of a videogame MILF

Whether they are actually mothers or not, since this term, like boobs in most anime, seems to be tossed around all willy-nilly... let me just say that I love me some older, more mature women: a beauty mark off the corner of their eyes, a pair of glasses that makes her look extremely intelligent, a nice conversative pantsuit with a bright red lipstick applied, and that leftover layer of fat that remains after pregnancy (I don't know what it's called, but I actually find that attractive... though then again, I find a lot of things attractive, like girls with giant penises capable of slamming through brick walls)... all of it are oh so sexy. Almost anytime I see a mother in animes and such, they're always the first people I go to look up hentai for: would you believe that, from one episode of The Amazing World of Gumball, that I searched up the mother? Pretty much all the "MILF" fantasies I have are the "reverse Ms. Robinson" scenario where I started out dating some girl I met in school... only to set my sights on her mother instead. Don't feel bad for her daughter though: she usually joins in on the fun as well, so it's all good... especially for me!

Some people like their women to be "Christmas cakes", which I'll explain: I'll assume that you know Christmas is on the 25th of December, so let's say that you want to buy a cake to celebrate... obviously, if you buy a cake too early, it'll spoil, but if you buy it after the 25th, they aren't special anymore, so the best idea would be to get it a week beforehand up until Christmas (18th), right? Well, some people think that, for marrying women, it's essentially the same thing: if you marry them too late, they're stale, and if you marry them too early... you go to jail. Humor aside, unmarried women are supposed to be "embarassing" because marriage is a big deal to women in that culture... but because I like my women to have lived a little, I think that, the more experience they have in life, the attractive they are to me... and the more I get to binge on some leftover cake. Speaking of experiences, chances are, these women have had sex enough times to know what they want, and how to get it... so I imagine they're great in bed and are bold enough to take charge (thank you, equal rights!).

Number 3 - Succubus

Whip it... whip it good

But you know what knows how to have mindblowing sex? Succubi: female demons whose sole purpose is to seduce humans and have sex. Sure, these mythological beings might be draining your blood or life force, in addition to taking your sperm, giving them to an incubus (demon male equalivant) to impregnate women with... but I like to imagine that the trade off is well worth it. Anyway, since succubi have been around for a long time, even way back in medieval times where wet dreams were suspected to be their evil-doings... their legends, depictions, and such have all been changed over the course of time: some say they look demonic and frightening, and others say they look so drop dead gorgeous that no man could resist them... and since this is my fantasy, I'm going to go with the latter. I love reading about succubi, and I even bought a Japanese anime artbook/ encyclopedia just so I can... have it collect dust in my possession because, wouldn't you know it, I can't read Japanese (I have looked up some of the mythological names and legends in Google though, and damn would I love a localized version of this book). You can obviously tell that I'm very fascinated by succubi.

And with that fascination comes researching the subject... and while I used the word "research" as an excuse to look up porn earlier in this blog, I actually do mean I read up on succubi. Yeah, I don't know as much as I like, but I hope there'll be a time when I can learn more about them, but either way, the stories I've heard do draw inspiration... and I hope to, one day, write a tragic love story between a human and a succubus in the same vein as the series Spice and Wolf (which, while it doesn't feature succubi, should still be given a shot anyway). Not only do I already have an idea of how I want to story to go (tone, themes, personalities, and all that), but I even have my own idea of what a succubus should look like and how they function along with their own mythology... but that's another blog. Regardless, I never would've gotten into succubi if it weren't for Morrigan Aensland of the Darkstalker series because it was her that not only piqued my interest, but also have been the product of many fantasies, some of which have become ideas for new stories. One day I'll have to dedicate a blog to her, aside how she taught me how to fight. Until then, I'll just offer her my sperm as tribute in the meantime.

Number 2 - Goddesses

Guess who my main's gonna be? Wrong: Mega Man. But she's my alternate.

Since I got plenty of sperm to spare, I might as well offer some of it to the other side of the alignment spectrum: goddesses. Like most of my fetishes, I can't explain it, but there's something about a heavenly women with a halo over their heads, angelic wings, and a motherly sense of comfort that makes me want to rise to the occassion. While that does sounds pretty synonymous with angels, as both of them are practically immortal and can live forever... the word "angel" invokes the image of dainty teenage girls whereas goddess sounds like it belongs to an older woman of some sorts, and I did explain earlier why I'm into older women. I do feel a little weird about the idea of having sex with a goddess though: since it's sex, am I supposed to act like an animal, because I don't want to, like, ruin my shot at heaven by giving into my lust. What would a goddess "feel" like anyway: I can imagine succubus sex would be tight since I assume their bodies are built for wringing the sperm out of you... but then, are goddesses "loose" in comparison? When you put your penis in her vagina, does it feel like soft pillows or clouds?

If it sounds like I'm putting too much thought into it, it's because, as much as I think about succubi having sex with me while I'm sleeping, I like the idea of being with a holy being... and that's because I have such a huge crush on Palutena from Kid Icarus: Uprising that I wish that I could be her servant: she has a very beautiful face, lusciously long hair, some really nice curves, a playfully teasing personality, a motherly-like concern for others, a great sense of humor... which, speaking of her dialogue, is perfectly voiced by Ali Hillis (who also voices Liara T'Soni in Mass Effect and Lightning in Final Fantasy XIII). Sure, I've seen some pretty hot goddesses before, and plenty of them in very porn-like positions surrounded by plenty of ejaculating penises... but even without porn (though that's nice too!) Palutena still manages to singlehandedly (...nah, way too easy) win her way into my fantasies: she's pretty damn close to being my "perfect woman", and the feeling that she's so much like the lovely big-sister type of person is just icing on the cake.

Number 1 - Sisters

I literally can't stop grinning when I look at her!

Maybe it's because Palutena feels like a big-sister does that make her so attractive to me since my number one fetish is brother-sister incest! While my sister doesn't have to be a goddess or a succubus, she does have to be of complete blood relation, which means no step-sisters, no surrogate substitutes, and even half-sisters (who only share one parent with you) don't cut it... though if she happens to be a goddess or a succubus, that's fine too! Ideally, I like to imagine my incest with an older sister because it fits in with the fetish I have for mature women and straight shota... but if she's younger than me yet acts in a really cute fashion, which is apparently the general preference of the many incest hentai that I've read, then I'm good with that as well (especially Nana in Akiba's Trip: Undead and Undressed, who is so unbearably adorable from the clips I've seen that I have to give her a hug)! Now, there's usually a negative connotation when it comes to announcing that incest is my favorite fetish of all time, and no doubt that some of you are raising your eyebrows and slowly moving your pointer to close the tab, but... actually, no "buts": I can't help my interest in them.

Now, I'm no psychologist... but I think my obsession with sisters stems from a combination of my shy personality, a little something about my childhood, and my tendencies to create fantasies for myself: see, I'm not exactly a sociable person in the real world when it comes to males or females so, realistically, the chances of meeting a woman to befriend seems impossible, even to this day. When I was growing up, I used to love the idea of playing house and dolls, even watching "girly" television shows things like Powerpuff Girls, Totally Spies Sailor Moon, and Cardcaptor Sakura... but since I had brothers and guy classmates who were into sports and such, they would make fun of me for liking those things, so I didn't really have anyone to play with. I guess, in my loneliness, I would wonder what it would be like to have a sister, and upon building upon the fantasy, I fell in love with it: hopefully, we would share the same interests and, being that she's my sister, I wouldn't feel too shy around her and we could play together all day, maybe even one day "play house" for real by getting married... which would've sounded a lot more cute if this weren't written in a fetish blog under the incest. Huh.

Anyway, that's a list of my top 10 favorite fetishes, and if you're reading this sentence, then I hope that this means that I didn't creep you out enough to close the tab! What are your favorite fetishes? Comment down below, or if you're brave enough, blog it and go into detail! I'm just gonna run now because, chances are, my list just made me a target for multiple government databases and I need to get a headstart.
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