9:45 PM on 02.26.2015
[Disclaimer: Images may or may not be safe for work. I censored all the actual naughty bits, a.k.a. the fun stuff, but this is a warning just in case. You have been warned.]
Earlier this month, Luna Sy asked us to write a blog about something we love, something we gush over.
I took that to mean something entirely different than she probably intended.
Since I've been a fan of the TV show The Amazing World of Gumball for years, I would be lying if I didn't say that I didn't have a crush on the mother of the title character Gumball, Nicole Watterson. In fact, for all intents and purposes, she was the reason I got into the show in the first place! Don't believe me? Check out what said in a Top 10 fetish blog a couple of months back:
Okay, that might've been only a couple of months ago when I said it, but remember that I wasn't active until December 2013, and for the first few months, I tried to stick to videogame-related topics only, so it didn't exactly come up. Now, that's not to say that I don't enjoy the show for its wacky brand of humor and fast-paced, heavy-on-adrenaline antics though!
Regardless, she really was the reason I got heavily into the show: even from the first episode I saw ("The Gi"), she has piqued my attention, and eventually captured my heart. See, Nicole is just this sweet, caring mother and wife (with a lovely voice actor), but even though she is far from "perfect", her flaws are still so endearing: she has a temper issue, and she is overly obsessive about certain things like winning, but that's what I like about her! Plus, there's probably never a dull moment around her (though there hardly is on a show like this)!
And even though it's only a TV show, I do kind of like the fact that she's together with Richard (and not in that cuckolding, netorare reason either): Richard is this fat, lazy, unemployed slob, but he has a good heart underneath, and that's what Nicole sees in him, so it kinda, sorta makes me feel like maybe one day I can find someone.
But until then I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.
First and foremost, how this blog is going to go is much different than my other ones: rather than being about hentai manga and doujinshi, it's really more of a gallery tribute than anything else, with commentary based on what I want to say about it (some of these images are based on episodes, and will be noted). Also, because I nabbed all the images from other galleries, I don't have the source, nor the name of the artist who drew these images, so just to be clear for all intents and purposes: I do not take credit fot these images, I am not receiving money for using these images, and if these images are not to shown because they are exclusive to paid sites or commissions, then I apologize.
Second of all, I just want to say this: remember back in my "10 Things About Me" blog when I said that I "like" to pretend that I'm "in a TV show" when I watch? That also applied to this show, and the character that I'm so closely relatable to is none other than the title character Gumball himself. I like to think we share the same goofy, overly dramatic, snarky type of personality not just when I was a child, but still act somewhat even today.
What does that have to do with anything? Not much, except that I really, really, really (don't like this turtle?) ship Gumball and his mother together. Now, that doesn't mean that only Gumball x Nicole images are going to be on here, but it does mean that I'm a bit biased towards them. Also, fun fact: Nicole shares the same voice actress as the character Penny, who in the show is dating Gumball. That means Gumball is dating someone who sounds like his mother. Hawt.
Anyway. let's get started!
One of the first images I laid my eyes on and really enjoy: Gumball may be super short (in the T.V. show, he's 12 years old) but the overall quality of the image is astoundingly well done to me. Gumball looks cute trying to climb up to mount her, Nicole looks hot, and while there's no penetration (he's "pulling out"), it's still enjoyable!
Another one of my favorite Rule 34 images of Gumball x Nicole: I really like the way the characters are drawn, and I also enjoy the whole "lampshading" of their activity.
This short comic set doesn't take place during an episode, unlike the other specifically mentioned ones. However, not only did the artist try to incorporate the same art style seen in the TV show, but they also try to utilize one of the things that happened: the story starts off with the main character Gumball just arranging to come over to Penny's house, whom is a girl he has a crush on. However, Penny decides to surprise Gumball by coming over instead. Unknown to her change of plans, Nicole overhears that Gumball is about to go out with Penny, but she has a favor to ask for before he leaves: she wants him to put on an outfit that should be pretty familiar to fans.
The outfit is what Gumball wore in the episode "The Dress", which is Nicole's wedding dress. In the context of the show, however, Gumball is "forced" to wear the dress because Richard, his father, did the laundry but accidentally strunk everything, and he doesn't want to get in trouble so he convinces Gumball to wear the dress to school since he has no other clothes.
However, in the context here, Nicole wants Gumball to wear the dress for her own sexual pleasure (no explanation as to why it can fit him though, though it could be a different dress entirely). Either way, after she sees him put it on and show himself off, she then comes out with the surprise: a strap-on! First she eases him into it by having him suck on it a little before she sticks it in. Of course, Penny arrives just in time to see all of this happening!
One of my favorite images! Other than the nice quality, I really like Nicole's look on her face as she's getting anal by Richard, and I like to imagine that she's looking at the viewer (me) and wondering if I'm going to be joining in: there's a clear shot right to her vagina, and there's no other reason why she would have one eye open than to see if I'm going to stick it in.
Alright, let's talk about the character Darwin for a bit: Darwin is more or less the Watterson's family's adopted child. See, the deal with Darwin is, Darwin was originally their pet goldfish (the third, actually) that somehow managed to mutate, gain a higher level of thinking, and grow legs. So, because of that, he's referred to as a "pet" of sorts, but the general gist is that Darwin is perceived to be a "goldfish with legs".
However, this artist has a different idea about that: instead of envisioning them as "feet", the artist has decided to make it a very long penis, and demonstrates that by having sex with Nicole Watterson! One thing confusing to me is, if you see the uncensored version, that Darwin has one penis limping after cumming, yet still has something shoved into Nicole's bum. I don't know, or probably care, if it's another penis, or his testicles, but it could go either way.
Other than that, to be honest, I love everything about this image, from Nicole's face, to the cum splurting out of her body, and even Darwin's penis (although it looks upside down, as I don't believe you're supposed to see the underside from this angle)... EXCEPT for Darwin's face himself. It looks weird and somewhat out of place, and kinda more adult-ish, and freaks me out. Another image from possibly this artist, with noticably worse quality, has Gumball with a nightmare-inducing face.
This image was actually brought to my attention by fellow Dtoider SeymourDuncan17! A furry fan (I presume), Seymour one day virtually tap me on the shoulder to show me this image before getting it deleted by a mod (hence the cut image), and it was nicely detailed: I really like how soft, yet firm her butt looks by the way it indents with the heels of her feet (paws?), and her bending over to take off a pair of panties is a nice touch. I'll be honest and admit that the panties kinda, sorta turns me on around the same amount as the ass itself.
You know, women wearing boy's underwear is a fetish of mine, so even without any naughty bits or sex, this still aroused me more than it should've!
In quite possibly the only videogame-related Rule 34 (although one image I saw was Nicole acting like a total slob playing videogames), here's a crossover image with Sonic's Vanilla the Rabbit, another popular furry MILF! I'm not really into lesbians, but I'd certainly love to join in!
"The Joy" is an episode that basically spoofs the whole "zombie survival" movie genre. The episode starts on a Monday morning, and both Gumball and Darwin are in a foul mood that they openly display it. Richard tries to cheer them up with a hug and, although they refuse at first, he embraces them with a hug so warm that it causes a rainbow explosion. Afterwards, they are seen in school awfully cheerful, and it starts progressing more and more as the day go by: they have so much uncontrollable singing, laughing, and overall giddyness that they eventually "pass out" from the constant state of happiness. However, when they "revive", they are like zombies with their weird eyes, and rainbow-colored saliva, and they infect anyone close to them with a hug!
While Nicole Watterson doesn't appear at all in this episode, that's not going to stop Rule 34! As you can see by her wide eyes and happy smile, she is clearly infected with "The Joy". I would say that the rainbow saliva would be another symptom, but I'm pretty sure that's not saliva.
This is a pretty shoehorned image, but this picture takes place during "The Mothers", specifically during the music montage (even more specifically, when Gumball shows Darwin how to properly leg strut). It's really just an image of Nicole with a vibrator inserted inside plastered in front of presumably a screenshot of the episode, but it's not a bad one.
In the episode "The Name", Gumball undergoes an identity crisis: we already know from the episode "The Promise" that Gumball is just a nickname (although I could've sworn in the episode "The Club" that it was his name written in the school records, but whatever), but it turns out that he doesn't remember what his real name is. After learning that it's "Zach", Gumball decides to adopt a new personality with the handle, and thus starts acting like a total douchebag. However, we do find out that, apparently, the "alter-ego" Zach that Gumball created has gotten too powerful, and thus tries to take over Gumball's body by overriding his memories.
With that context, the image should make much more sense: Gumball is in his "Zach" form, which is why he clearly has no problem treating his mother like a whore. I really like the face she makes as she's being pounded from behind, as well as holding up a "free samples" sign: you can tell that was Zach's idea.
I've seen a couple of other images from this artist in the porn sites, and I actually kind of like hte way he draws the faces: while this is the more subdued one of the bunch, the other ones are exaggerated, but with a certain stylistic charm to them. Then again, this is coming from a guy who's really into "ahegao" images, so take that as you will.
I really like "The Plan" as an episode, but who knew you could take one thing that happens very briefly and incorporate it into porn? In this episode, Gumball, Darwin, and their sister Anais is digging in trash looking for Gumball's action figure accessories. Obviously, being their mother, Nicole is not okay with her children messing around garbage, and demands to know what they're doing. However, all they can respond is "what are you doing?" as we see Nicole has her fingers over her eyebrows. She then explains that she can't afford to actually frown because, since they are always causing trouble, she'll have too many wrinkles as a result. This is the only few moments you see her in the episode...
And yet, here we are, with an image of Nicole Watterson using her fingers as eyebrows, just like in the episode!
"The Bumpkin" is one of my more liked episodes of Season 2, and this is one of my more favorite Rule 34 images not because of the quality, but because of how it relates to the episode! In this story, Gumball asks his dad what's the point of life, to which he responds that it's to get a job to buy stuff. Not satisfied that that's what he wants for himself, he gets fussy about how he doesn't care about products shown on TV, only for his classmate Idaho, a potato, to wonder what a "T.V" is. After finding out about how "country" Idaho is, Gumball takes him back to his house to show his family that there could be an alternate lifestyle, and forces them unwillfully to leave their home and to live outside, starting with their backyard.
As they experience the outside life, they aren't doing well adapting, and things escalade when a bee approaches: afraid, everyone but Idaho, who doesn't care, and Gumball, who isn't seen at all, starts freaking out. This leads to one of my favorite moments of Season 2, which is when the bee is close to Darwin's face: in an attempt to avoid getting stung, he tries to blow it away... in the direction of his mom, hence the line "Darwin, don't blow it at me, blow it away!"
After Idaho tells them to calm down because "it's only a bee", we hear Gumball repeat the line, but from where he has been hiding: inside his mother's skirt, which is an awfully close proximity to her naughty bits. I'm not sure how intentionally arousing that was supposed to be (it really was to me), but that's why I like this image: not only does it recapture one of my favorite funny moments of the show, but it also shows me exactly what I was thinking when I saw that happen!
One of my favorite Season 1 episodes, "The Meddler" starts out with Nicole coming home late from work tired. Gumball, wanting some attention, tries to talk to his mom and dad, but Richard is watching TV while Nicole is falling asleep. After being frustrated with being ignored, Nicole tries to comfort him by promising that she'll play more attention to him, and she decides to do that by coming to school with him like a helicopter parent! She basically watches over him, attempting to helping him out in many ways she tries: first she helps him get back at a bully, but when she starts feeding him and asking out Penny, a girl he likes, for him, Gumball thinks she's taking it too far!
Funny that this is the moment that Gumball thinks she's taking it too far, as Nicole even washed Gumball in the shower! He also says "Mom, you're not helping" through all the times she helps him, and all his classmates are freaked out when she was cleaning him in the shower, hence the references in the image above. Also, the reason Darwin is smiling so widely in the image is because, in an attempt to not hurt his mother's feelings, he tries to keep it up for the whole time.
Another version of the shower scene. This is a bit weird not because Gumball's getting a boner from this, but because this version of Darwin, all scaly and fishy, creeps me out. Not as much as the weird face looking thing in the other Darwin image, but still disturbing. That being said, I think many of us would have the same facial expression as he does, disturbed by seeing a son getting aroused by being cleaned by his mom. But not me.
Speaking of Penny (after a long detour), she is delighted to hear such a confession, only for Gumball with his shy personality to outright deny it. Sad, she leaves, and Gumball regrets doing that, but he takes out his frustration on his mom, telling her that he doesn't want her to meddle in his life anymore, that he can make his own decision... only to eventually call her back. He tells her that he is making a bad decision, and that he needs her help, so she rushes back in.
Turns out, his idea is he wants to make it up, and impress, Penny by trying out for the cheerleading squad and beating her at her own game! I'm... not sure why he thinks that would be a good idea, but anyway, that's why he's in the cheerleader get-up. For this image, I just like it: there's no hard lines so it has a distinctive look (almost like Wind Waker HD in terms of soft lighting), I like the face Nicole makes as she holds up a broken condom, and Gumball's reaction... all priceless.
Anyway, Nicole asks what is the purpose of her coming back (since Gumball is pretty adamant about going through with this plan), and Gumball tell her that he needs her emotional support.
Onto the cheerleading try-outs: does he succeed? Well... no: he doesn't. At all. In fact, he was the worst in the bunch, leading him to have a breakdown crying. However, before Gumball's arrival, the principal and student counselor states that Penny did so bad in her performance that someone has to be absolutely terrible for her to be accepted. So, that means, since Gumball is the worst, Penny gets accepted, and she thanks Gumball for sacrificing his dignity so she can make it in. Still crying, Gumball couldn't answer, and his mom ends up having to carry him home in her arms.
While he's being carried off, Gumball apologizes to his mom for wanting to be a man, and asks if he could still be her baby, to which she replies "the longer the better". Now, that was a pretty poigant way to end the episode, but I really like the image below because it also ties directly afterwards.
The image is actually an early animation gif created by Mike Inel/Manyakisart, who made that excellent "The Fridge" animation I featured back in the first porn blog! For this couple of seconds, it's basically a walk-animation but Nicole lactates with each step and bounce of her boobs. Gumball is wondering if this is too much, but Nicole simply says "You're still my Gummypuss, so shush and drink mommy's milk", referencing the nickname she calls him.
I already talked about "The Fridge" animation at great length in the first [url=]porn blog[/url] (new image above), but since then, Mike Inel/ Manyakisart has created another, albeit shorter and more comical! For this animation, Nicole Watterson is in their family/ living room masturbating with a dildo, and though she isn't naked, she might as well be! However, since her shirt and skirt aren't removed, but raised, this allows her to quickly cover up when she hears her son coming down the stairs without warning!
After hearing his voice, she manages to immediately snaps out of her ecstasy, pulls down her shirt, lowers her skirt over her naughty bits, and hide the dildo behind her back just in time to see Gumball in front of her!
As I speculated before in one of my recaps, I think this animation is also based on the episode (because his other two animations were based on episodes) "The Mothers". See, Gumball is heading down the stairs in a rush because he's asking for a ride to the mall for someone reason, and since they only travel to the mall in a handful of episodes, I assumed that he's trying to drag his mom to the mall. In "The Mothers", the purpose of half the episode is that Gumball is trying to prove that his mom is better than theirs, and in order to do that, he needs to being his mom to a "mom-off" that Gumball challenges two kids in his class to.
The final two images aren't porn images, but rather just two images that I drew myself. They're not great, but I figured it would be fitting to show how much I like the character by my attempts to draw her! This image takes place during the episode "The Fridge", more specifically the second half of the episode in which the family plays paintball with one another. I showed an image of my version of Gumball in his paintball armor during one of my recaps, and this is my version of Nicole Watterson in her paintball outift: just like the show, she's wearing the orange goggles, a tank top, cargo pants, black face paint over her whiskers, and a green-colored paintball rifle.
As for the background, it's a poorly made reference to what was said during episode: she tries to convince Gumball to play paintball, and he tells her that he only will IF she decides to do something if he wins. While she agrees to the terms, Gumball still insists that they try to have a little fun, only to find out that his family has already left to get started. Since Nicole is a competitive (and also petty, if you seen the episode "The Game" in which she handles being behind poorly), I figured she would say something like that to the notion of "playing for fun".
Christmas/ The Vacation (flashback)
This image I'm slightly proud of: I think this is the peak of my drawing abilities! Which is sad really. It also took me like 20 minutes to learn how to draw a profile face, and I still suck at it. Still, I think I did a pretty decent image!
Anyway, this doesn't really take place in an episode. Instead, it only uses a winter outfit that Nicole wore in either "Christmas" (the holiday-named episode featuring the voice of Brian Blessed), or "The Vacation" (which references one Christmas event). However, I decided, in the spirit of Valentine's Day, that I would try to draw a "romantic" image of her: I wanted her to be sitting somewhere drinking a hot chocolate during a cold night, but since I suck too much to actually draw exactly what I wanted, I decided to have her sit in a restaurant. But then I made it Valentine's Day colored by giving it a pink and red color motif, so it worked out well.
There's cupcake on the tables because I like the idea of her eating sweets, and cupcakes is the only thing I know for sure she likes. In the episode "The Friend", Anais knew that her family would try to steal the cupcakes she baked for her birthday party, so she came up with decoys: Gumball and Darwin ate lemons covered with baking soda and Richard ate toilet paper. As they sit defeated, Nicole chastises them for not respecting their sister's privacy... only to admit that hers "were made from soap". See, even she's not above stealing from her daughter: I just love her so much!
Anyway, that's my tribute to Nicole Watterson, and I did it just in time for it to still be within the month of February! There's many more images that I would've loved to display, but I don't think there were many things to say about them. Still, I'm pretty sure it's apparent just how much affection I have towards the character.
And by "affection", I mean- okay, we all know what I mean, I'll stop there. Just to mentioned, the last blog was over 3500 words, and this one is over 4000. That means over 7500 words have been typed for my dedication to the porn of this series. Let that sink in.
3:29 PM on 02.23.2015
It's the end of February (more or less), which means that it's time for the Band of Bloggers prompts to hopefully start showing up! As you recall, The Scholarly Gamer and Fenriff have come up with this idea for a "videogame book club" where one title will be selected each month for everyone to pick up and play, then blog about! Whether you want to talk about how good it is, how thankful you are to play such an underrated gem, or simply want to curse out how bad it is, that's the purpose of this activity: to have everyone talk about the same game in whatever manner they chose!
This month's winner is Fallout 3/ New Vegas!
For my prompt, I decided to make three short fan-fiction stories based on events that happened while I was playing! These stories all happened during my time in Fallout 3 (perhaps a bit dramatized), and I gotta say, it was a joy to wander back into the Wastelands again! Without further delay, here's a couple of things I've written exclusively for Band of Bloggers!
A Drop to Die For
Wandering the Wasteland during the day, you learn to pack light: there's no need trying to kill yourself when the sun's doing that for you. Besides making sure that I got enough food and water on me, anything I can scavange, I want to make sure that I enough room to keep it. Usually, with open enough areas, you can strafe and skirt around trouble, or hide in the rocks even, so you can avoid engagements if necessary.
But sometimes... sometimes, you gotta be willing to stand in the line of fire to prevent deaths.
In this hot, barren area, I could hear shouting over a hill, so I go over to investigate. I see two men and one woman pointing their guns at two other men and another woman with their rifles at the ready, and I could tell things were going to get nasty.
"This is ours!" He points to the fridge tipped on the floor. "We saw it first!"
"Good eyes, then. I'll make sure to shoot between them."
It isn't unusual to see people willing to fight to the death in the Wasteland for stupid reasons, but this was something very worth killing for: whether that fridge is running or not, there's no denying the chance that it has some amount of purified water in it. Ever since the bombs fell, water has been irradiated so much that it gives a whole new meaning to "water poisoning", so even a sip of clean water is considered to be valuable, let alone maybe a dozen of bottles.
"Get out of here, and we won't have to kill you." He jerks his head.
"If you know what I'm about to say, you should know what I'm about to do then." The other props his gun higher.
"Whoa, there!" I immediately jump out of cover, my hands unmistakenly in the air.
These two groups are well organized: two of both sides' lower ranking soldiers snap towards me while the leaders only diverted their eyes. I walk closer slowly.
"Fellas, It doesn't have to end with y'all killing them and vice-versa." I tell them.
"What, you think you can take us all on?" The leader scoffs.
"No, dumbass, I meant this can end without bloodshed. "
The two leaders look at each other, but they couldn't see what I could see with my Perception: I could see the glimmer of hope in their eyes, a small and subtle sigh of relief.
"...How?" One woman's shoulders loosens up.
I take a step closer and closer to the fridge, my hands still up. I could see that they could see the 10mm pistol by my hip. I kneel down in front of the fridge, and I open it up. True to everyone's suspicions, there were 10 bottles of crystal clean water inside. Seeing the treasure is making both sides greedy, I take them out one at a time, placing one on one side and another on the other.
"That's 5 bottles for each side. Take your share, go home, forget this ever happened." I offer the solution.
"Fuck that, why should we have to share? We're the one who got here first!"
"And what's to stop us from killing you all and taking the rest?"
"Take a look around, geniuses: do you see where you are?" I gesture around.
"Yeah, a place no one's gonna hear us shoot," he says.
"Which also means no one around to help you if you get shot. You start shooting, one of them gets you in the chest, you won't find help for miles, and I doubt your friends are going to want to carry your ass home when your shooting attracts the Radscorpions. And trust me, you aren't going to be reason with them while you're on the ground bleeding out. So take what you got, stop being greedy assholes, and go home."
There is a silence in the air and, although begrudgingly, one person from each side carries the water while the others keep their guns trained. As both groups walk backwards, they eventually get far enough that even a sniper would have trouble getting a shot in, and once I am sure they are going to let this go, I sigh in relief myself.
I do not know what would've happened if I didn't stand up when I did: maybe one side would've been wiped out, maybe they both would've killed each other. What I do know if that, at the very least, I didn't stand back and let people die.
Last Man Standing
I don't like to kill. I try to avoid it if I can help it. Sometimes, I can talk my way out of things.
But sometimes talking isn't an option. Sometimes I'm going to need to pull out my pistol.
Either way it goes down, I'm still going to be the one standing at the end: the only difference is who will also be alive as well.
I wander into the wrong side of town. I should've gotten an uneasy feeling when I see a place entirely devoid of people in buildings as stably structured like these, but I neglect to think that in my haste to my destination.
Suddenly, a group of crazed marauders jumped me, some shooting their rifles wildly in the air as others come to kill me with melee weapons. Even with my pistol out, it doesn't seem to act like a deterrent to the people running right up to me with their lead pipes: either they are really confident that I wasn't going to shoot them, or they just don't think anymore.
I shoot them. They don't think anymore.
But that's the easy part. Hunching down behind cover, one of the assault rifle-wielding marauders spray the sheet metal shielding me while creeping closer and closer. Big mistake: they would have to reload, and that's when I get them with a clean headshot. Even bigger mistake is that now that I'm close enough to safely grab the rifle, that the tables have turned.
I jump out and spray at the rest immediately, trying to injure them as best I could. Truth be told, I don't invest much skill and practice into these larger weapons, but if I can cripple their arms or legs, then I could finish them off easily. As they continue to suppress me, a shotgunner comes in close hoping for a kill, but thankfully it's a double barrel, and the person using it sucks at handling the blowback it carries. After two missed shots, I take them out.
A shotgun wouldn't do me any good at this range, but I figured there's no harm in taking it. While I'm at it, I did see a couple of grenades sticking to this person's belt. Nabbing a few to "temporarily" borrow, I chuck them to the rest of the marauders, blowing them to bits.
With the noisy gunfire subsided, and the quiet atmosphere taking over, I figure that these guns would make great items to barter for Stimpacks, maybe even a luxury item like a Nuka-Cola. I start to scavange for supplies, happy that my bag is empty.
The marauders seem to be holding up in a building nearby, and as I pass through the door, I could see one bald-headed female's body limping at the entrance. Her head keeps bobbing up and down, but I was sure she was dead, judging by the hole in her left temple. Checking my PipBoy 3000, I could see that there's nary a red dot in sight, and that I could relax for a little bit. I don't know if these people had any friends, and I didn't want to stick around and find out, but if they do, I wouldn't want them to have these weapons.
I start looting their stuff, thinking it'll benefit me and the world more than these assholes, and head upstairs to take the rest. I check my PipBoy once more: no red dots. I continue scavanging. I check it again: no red dots. I keep searching for ammo, food, anything. I check it again: no red dots. Why am I being paranoid?
After nabbing everything I thought would be worth the weight, I decide to head downstairs. I could see that the bald-headed chick is still limping by the door, but something's off about her. I continue to head downstairs to check why, but then I realize: this bald-headed chick has no hole in her left temple as she not slump behind cover... but crouch behind. Good thing that revelation hit me before her surprise missile did.
I immediately run back upstairs and dodge the missle, though still within the blast radius. Shellshocked and blown back, I lie there in a daze, on the ground, hearing her maniacal laughter: I don't know if it's because she's about to avenge her twin sister, or if she just really want to kill anyone she sees, but she's coming for me. As she approaches the upstairs room, I instinctively grab the first weapon I could hold, and blast her in the chest as soon as she walks into view.
I didn't expect her to attempt to shoot another missile while in a building though. As the shotgun shells connect with her missile shells, it blows her up instantly, and her blood is splattered all over my face. Lying back fully, I close my eyes, assured that there would be no one else.
I wasn't standing. But close enough.
Divide and Conquer
"...Oh, uh, yeah? What's up?"
"...Yeah. Yeah, let's get going."
I never had a partner before to ask if I was ready or not. Usually, if I was ready, there wasn't anyone around to hear it, and I certainly wasn't going announce it to the people who were.
But it feels... strangely calm to travel with one, especially with someone who can handle an assault rifle better than I can. Knowing that someone can watch my back in hostile territory and cover me when I need to heal or reload is reassuring. Teaming up under dire circumstances, we are sent to destroy 3 artillery gun, and they're just beyond this building. With my 10mm pistol, we head into a warehouse full of guards, ready to go in guns blazing.
"What the...?" My partner is the first to note.
There wasn't anyone there. We charge in, our weapons raised, but there doesn't seem to be a soul in sight. As we stand by the entrance, we couldn't tell what happened.
"Think they heard the gunfire and ran?" He cocks his head.
"Either that or they're planning an ambush."
"What do you think we should do then?" He looks towards me.
"...Let's search the place. If they're not here, then maybe we'll find a clue as to where they went. And if they are here, then at least they won't get us both at the same time."
"Are you sure you want to split up?" He's not asking for his well-being.
"I'll be fine." I nudge my head to the left, and with a shrug, he complies and heads right.
As the sound of his footsteps gets quieter and quieter the further he gets, I try my best to keep my guard up: something about this place just doesn't feel right. Eventually, the only footsteps I hear are my own, and it's starting to creep me out. I almost wish there was people here just so I could kill them all and feel at ease.
"Oh, shit!" He calls out.
I spin around, my gun immediately raised. Gunfire echoes throughout the empty warehouse, but whose?
"You okay?" I call out after the silence. It continues. "Hey, you alright?"
I take one step forward, preparing myself for the worst for my companion... only to start to fear for my own fate.
As soon as I sense movement on my right, I fire a couple of shots, only to have my gun suddenly raised towards the ceiling. I don't know what's going on: I could feel an arm holding mine up, but I couldn't see it, aside from a very faint sheen that glows under the lights.
So this is what it looks to the enemies when I'm using a Stealth Boy.
Getting over the initial surprise, I attempt to kick whoever's holding my arm with a boot to the belly, but they must be covered in some grade-A armor because I end up hurting myself. The enemy then starts crushing my arm, forcing me to drop my pistol. Eventually, their invisibility starts fading away, and soon I could see who my assailant is.
"What are you, some kind of cyborg ninja?" I stare at his helmet.
He responds by tossing me away, ensuring that I land on my back. Needing both hands to pull a blade, he brandishes it in front of my face, ready to slice me down the middle.
Recovering quickly, I roll to the side towards where my pistol lies, hoping he doesn't know what I'm trying to do. As soon as my hands rests comfortably over the trigger, I bring myself up to a kneel, then focus as best as I could.
Everything appears to be standing still, and figuring that I have a less chance of missing by aiming for center mass, I decide to use all my shots trying to plug him in the chest. Sure, my shoes couldn't penetrate his armor, but a 10mm pistol could... right?
Clink. Clink clink clink. The enemy stands there unfazed, his helmet seemingly smiling on my futile attempts. Even with my gun, I was powerless to stop him.
But that doesn't mean I wasn't going to give up. Even if my bullets are about as effective as flinging spaghetti rings, I couldn't help but continue pulling the trigger, hoping that at least one bullet gets through.
To my surprise, one does: it blows open his helmet so fiercely that the man's head gets reduced to a bloody pulp, looking as though someone took a huge bite of a peach and stuck it in the helmet. But it wasn't mine, nor the five others to follow.
I turn around. The smoking barrel of a .44. The long sleeve of a trench coat. The fedora on top of his head.
I turn my attention back to the cyborg ninja, who lies motionless aside from the puddle of blood to seep out of him.
"Hey, I heard gunshots, was that you?"
The man I came into the warehouse with before arrives to check up on me. Aside from his slightly tussled hair and his exhaustive breaths, he seems perfectly fine.
"Damn, you really did a number on that guy!"
"Wasn't me." I couldn't take the credit. "It was-"
I rotate my body only slightly, but even at a full 360 degrees would I not spot my savior. The warehouse is empty.
"Was... what?" The man cocks his head.
"...Nothing. I meant to say 'it was nothing'."
"Whatever you say, man! Come on, let's go kill the rest of these bastards!"
"Yeah, just give me a minute."
I need to take a breather. I don't sense any more enemies, nor the guy who saved my ass. All I could see in the warehouse is my partner making his way to the exit, the dead bodies of the ninjas we fought, and a mysteriously placed, fully loaded shotgun sitting by my feet.
That's my contribution for this month's Band of Bloggers, and I hope to see what you guys have to say about Fallout 3/ New Vegas! I also can't wait to see what other titles we'll get a chance to play for the first time, or revisit in forever!
4:11 PM on 02.19.2015
I don't think it's any secret that I'm a huge fan of Cartoon Network's The Amazing World of Gumball, and even then, that might be putting it mildly: not only do I still watch reruns almost everyday, but I've watched nearly every episode over several times now, I can recite the script of a lot of my favorite ones by heart, the fan art inspired me to pick up a pen to try drawing some of my own, and I even wrote a blog about my favorite porn to spawn from it! Don't even get me started with how much time I spend looking through the rule 34 as well! I could go on and on about how I pretend to be Gumball whenever I'm fantasize having sex with Nicole Watterson, but that's not what I'm here to talk about.
At least not today. At least, not right this moment.
No, I wanna talk about some of the videogame references The Amazing World of Gumball harbors in its content! Like other shows, pop culture is something that's pretty evident, and this series has paid tribute and homage to a lot of films, books, and other things, like The Lord of the Rings in the episode "The Helmet", or District 13 and The Usual Suspects in "The Remote" (disclaimer: I didn't watch any of those movies). However, being the gamer that we are, I wanna showcase some of the nods and inside-ish references to our culture!
Let's start with the episode with one of the most obvious tributes: you see, The Amazing World of Gumball has a unique and quite diverse cast of characters, ranging from a CGI robot to a talking balloon. The character ripe for videogame references, however, is the one named Ocho. As you can see from the image above, Ocho is a character with a retro game design, and it should be noted that "ocho" means "eight" in Spanish, which is presumably for the 8-bit graphics of back then. Not only is he pretty much a look-alike to one of the enemies of Space Invaders, but there was even a scene in the episode "The Phone" where he attacks Gumball and Darwin from above just like the aforementioned title!
In the episode, Gumball and Darwin gets a cell phone, which Darwin gets addicted texting on. After Gumball is fed up with Darwin's constant dependency, he snatched the phone to mock the person on the other line... which happens to be Ocho. Ocho is established as this pretty nice guy... but also one who is very easily angered. So, when Gumball mocks him and Ocho wants to pick a fight but Gumball won't leave his house, Ocho starts dropping bomb-like pixels at him! Eventually, Gumball and Darwin leave the safety of their house, but Darwin seemingly gets killed trying to reason with Ocho. However, he immediately reappears because he has two more lives left, another allusion to videogames!
Also, during the scene, there's a part where Gumball and Darwin says "Combo Breaker", possibly a reference to Killer Instinct!
Since I'm already talking about Ocho, let's do another reference: the episode "The Tape" is basically a bunch of short videos, simulating kind of like a home movie kids would make. During one segment, Gumball and Darwin decides to spy on Ocho because they want to see how he operates in the real world, and to their surprise, Ocho has this little dance he does to get what he wants. For example, when he's outside of a vending machine and wants something from it, Ocho performs his dance and summons none other than a Coin Block, which he promptly hits for some dollar bills! Funny enough, Gumball tries to hit his head on the block as well, but to no avail.
That isn't all though! While the next scenario isn't very videogame-related (Ocho uses his dance to cheat on his test), the next one is: during a race, Ocho performs the dance once again... and all of a sudden, he starts flashing rainbow colors, and is able to move faster than before. Not only that, but whenever he touches the other people in the race, he is able to knock them over with ease. Sounds familiar? Ocho is using the power of the Stars in Super Mario Brothers games!
Figuring out that Ocho is using cheat codes in real life, Gumball thinks he figured out how to perform the same thing himself. As he performs the dance, the steps he announces seem awfully familiar: up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, (shouts) B, A... wait a second, that's the Konami Code! However, Gumball must've done something wrong, as the second he performs the cheat, he starts glitching out!
Apparently, from what I read on the Wiki, Gumball had the code right, but the position wrong. Whenever Ocho did the code, he did the "left, right, left, right" as according to the viewer's perspective (so your left is Ocho's right), whereas Gumball did it from his own perspective (his left instead of yours). I'm not sure if that's true or not, but it seems interesting! Either way, I remember when Grand Theft Auto III warns that using cheats and saving may corrupt the game.
The episode "The Sidekick", at its core, isn't really about videogames: Tobias is borrowing Gumball and Darwin's videogame, and has been making excuses to not return it, leading Gumball and Darwin to scheme for it back. So, it really just provides a context. However, the beginning is pretty cool because since they don't have their videogame, Gumball decides to use their imagination to simulate playing videogames by controlling Darwin with a controller! Do you recognize it?
Yep, that's the SNES controller! Colored differently though, not that grey and black model with purple buttons, but the button placement besides Start/ Select is still pretty true!
Not much to say here, other than when you look at the screen, you can see Darwin (who's off camera) playing game like Space Invader. If you're wondering why Gumball's about to pull the wire, the episode is about Gumball trying to convince his family to live like his friend Idaho and go completely bumpkins. They fail.
This is a pretty passing reference, but one that was pretty noticable to me anyway. Teri, the paper-like character shown here, is known throughout the series for being an "health" freak, so she obsesses over sanitation, germs, and all that stuff. She also likes to think there's something wrong with her all the time, so for this trip to the nurse's office, she's citing some curious symptoms: she tells the nurse that she has an unusual sensation in her stomach in addition to an abundance of drool in her mouth. She then proceeds to tell the nurse her own self-analysis, which she read off the internet: she believes she has the "G-Virus" (Resident Evil, I think), in which she will feast upon others for food, and can only be stopped with destroying the brain!
Turns out, she was just hungry.
Another passing reference: the episode starts out with a school audition for a play about the U.S. presidents, and Gumball decides to spice it up with some pop culture references! The first he makes is Robin Hood, in which he dresses in a green tunic and tells people that he wants to "steal from the rich and give to the poor". He then references Marvel's The Avengers by using Bruce Banner's explanation for why he's able to turn into the Hulk at will ("That's my secret: I'm always angry.").
There might be other ones, but the ones I wanted to point out is when he does a spinning uppercut while shouting "Shoryuken!" (an obvious nod to Streetfighter) before performing a bicycle kick followed by the words "Gumball wins... Fatality!" (definitely Mortal Kombat)
Sorry, the episode is rather recent, so there's not much images.
In the episode "The Flakers", Darwin and Anais, Gumball's sister, are playing a game that should sound very familiar: "The Tale of Zelmore", which is obviously supposed to be a reference of The Legend of Zelda! Driving the point home, the screenshot shows a character with a sword and a shield wearing a pointed cap and a tunic, with the "hearts" health bar system typically seen of the series.
Alright, here's a pretty interesting episode to me as a gamer: in "The Promise", after trying to share a seat on the bus with their friend Banana Joe, who is clearly upset with Gumball and Darwin for all the bad things they did to him, Darwin promises that he will try to earn his friendship back... only for Gumball to say that they weren't. Turns out, Gumball and Darwin are anxiously awaiting for the sequel of "The Tale of Zelmore" to drop! Because Gumball and Darwin promised to play the game together, Gumball wants to stick to the promise despite Darwin's guilty conscious tempting him to help his friend.
To me, this kind of takes me back: I remember being excited whenever they announced sequels to my favorite titles when I was younger and had little cares in the world, and how I wanted to rush home from school to play a newly released game. While I didn't act crazy like they did at the announcement, as they hit refresh every five seconds in hopes of getting new information, I will admit that sometimes, especially when I know ahead of time when a review is supposed to be posted, that I'd hit refresh over and over again because I'm too excited to sleep in wake of the release. In fact, I recently did it for the review of The Order 1886!
Anyway, one more videogame reference for this episode is another obvious one: when Gumball opens the case and takes out the disc, he raises it in the air in the same manner that Link (and crew, thanks to Hyrule Warriors!) would after opening a chest! Also, perhaps the limited edition, gold colored disc is a reference to the gold cartridges of the original NES version?
Since this is more of an audio reference, I can't really show you it, but what happens is this: in the episode "The Treasure", the character's mom lets slip that they used to have more expendable cash than they do now, and curious, they go digging around for information about what happened to it. While they're goofing around in the attic after seemingly stumbling into a dead end, the sunlight shines through the window, reflects off the mirror, and then shines a light at the next clue. As the clue is revealed to the group, a jingle similar to The Legend of Zelda whenever you discover a secret passageway or the next stage of the dungeon plays!
"The Gripes" isn't really one of my favorite episodes, mostly because it was pretty lacking in much of the humor and energy I love the series for, but there are a couple of nice jokes here and there. There's one videogame nod that I think many players have done before though, and might be the joke that would fly over most people's head. The episode is about Gumball "griping" about everything in his life, and complaining about everything, he decides to play a videogame... only to complain about that too. He says, as much as he loves the game, he doesn't have the patience to get into the story, and button-mashes the controller to hurry the dialogue sequence on.
However, like a lot of those games back then, at the end of the conversation, they typically ask you if you would like to hear it all again... and the default selection is typically set to "yes". Since Gumball presses the button one too many times, the whole conversation repeats itself, reminding many gamers of that frustration.
Speaking of "button-mashing", here's another videogame reference: in "The Name", the episode starts with Gumball playing an arcade game with Darwin watching him. Never making it this far into the game, Gumball freaks out about facing the final boss, but Darwin tells him that all he needs to do is to button mash, and he's right: Gumball obtains the high school, and notes aloud "what's the point of learning combos if all you need is button mashing"?
Now, all you fighting gamers out there are probably shaking your head collectively and either facepalming yourselves, or are trying to explain how a button masher would get destroyed. Well, I don't think Gumball was playing a fighting game. When you look at this screen, it looking like he was playing something along the lines of Double Dragon, so a side-scrolling beat-them-up. Now I'm going to have to hear about how button-mashing wouldn't get you through THAT game either.
Actually, Gumball does button mash his way to victory in a fighting game in this episode "The Secret". A little context for the episode first: Gumball and Darwin are locked in a school bathroom, so being the kids that they are, they overreact and act as though they are going to die. Gumball then tells Darwin one of his embarassing secrets, which prompts Darwin to share one of his own. However, before Darwin could divulge, Rocky, the school janitor and handyman, unlocks the door and allows them freedom, meaning Darwin wouldn't need to share that secret anymore.
So, after trying to get it out of him, Darwin just tells Gumball to forget about it over a videogame, but Gumball then button-mashes his frustrations and completely destroys Darwin. The game is a 2D fighter, and when Gumball depletes all of Darwin's character's health bar, the words "End it!" appears on screen. It's a parody or so to Mortal Kombat, and although the example earlier above actually says "Fatality!", that episode took place rather recently (last week) while this episode aired years ago as part of Season 1, Part 2.
"The Refund" is another episode that uses videogames as more of a context to the rest of the episode, though the episode is actually perfectly fine on its own. Anyway, after buying a brand new videogame, Gumball and Darwin are eagerly awaiting to play it... only to realize that it's incompatible with the console they own. I have no idea how they could've made that mistake, as the console they own is a console with a disc-tray and not a cartridge loader like the game they bought is, but it's whatever. Anyway, notice that the cartridge looks an awful lot like one for the SNES... I think. Truthfully, I didn't own a Sega Genesis, so I have no idea if they looked like this as well, but I'm sticking with SNES. Let me know if I'm wrong.
Anyway, does the logo look familiar to you as well? That's because it's similar to the one used for one of the most loved fighting games of all time Streetfighter II. And speaking of...
Saving the best videogame references for last, "The Words" has a segment that's truly for gamers! For context, the episode is about Darwin's inability to tell people how he feels, even though they have really annoying habits. However, after Gumball teaches Darwin how to say what's on his mind, Darwin starts getting a little snippy with others, even going as far as to sing a musical number dissing people! Darwin starts getting a bit too carried away with his free speech, so Gumball challenges him to a duel in order to get him to stop, and this is where the fun starts...
As you can see, the fight starts and is displayed in 16-bit (I think?) graphics, complete with all the fixing of a fighting game: there's a VS loading screen, win markers, a timer is set to unlimited, and even a Special meter displayed at the bottom! The "health" bar, however, is actually an "ego" meter, which, while quite possibly just a coincidence, is what Duke Nukem had in Duke Nuken Forever. Regardless, the way these two characters are going to hurt each other is with insults!
The fight starts with Darwin throwing fireballs at Gumball, calling him "big head" with each one. Gumball, unfortunately, says that Darwin is "cheating" for repeating the same move over and over again, but eventually his meter drops and he is "knocked out", just like when a character loses their health bar. I'm not sure who's victory pose Darwin is mimicking... but I know Mr. Hoffmann would! Anyway, this time around, Gumball decides to strike back with his own insults in the form of hadoukens!
Meanwhile, the characters in the back watching the battle (like the bystanders in every fighting game) who were previously cheering for a fight... realizes that the "blasts" are imaginary, and thus finds the fight extremely boring and decides to bail. As Gumball defeats Darwin this time, Gumball's victory pose is the same as Chun-Li: not only does he hop up and down with "v for victory" on both hands, but he even shouts "Yatta!"
During the start of the final round, Gumball "pauses" the game, thinking that perhaps they don't need to go this much farther. However, when he sees Darwin is still playing by the way he's still performing the actions, Gumball calls out "hey, you unpaused!" and then takes several insults. Furious, Gumball then decides to max out his Special meter and does the ultimate insult: for context, Darwin is Gumball's "adopted brother" after his goldfish one day evolved, so it stings real bad when he tells Darwin that he's "not his brother", that Darwin's "only a pet who grew legs!"
When Gumball wins the fight with an Ultimate Combo, he turns his back to the camera as his pose. I don't know if that's a videogame reference or not, but I want to say that it's Akuma's signature thing to do, as I get hit with that often in Marvel vs Capcom 3. But again, Mr. Hoffmann will correct me in the comments if I'm wrong.
As the final reference, the scene then shows the "Game Over" screen that you see in Streetfighter II, complete with one character usually saying something to the loser, and that countdown timer with 9 or 10 seconds to press start to continue. However, once Gumball sees that he hurt Darwin with that insult (he also blasted him through a wall, which is weird since the "fight" is imaginary, but whatever), he shifts back to the show to tearfully apologize to Darwin, telling him why words can hurt.
Whew, that was a lot of videogame references, huh? Well, since the show has been renewed for two more season, I believe, I think that they're be more videogame references to come! Anyway, if you are a fan of the show, and think I missed something, or spot something I didn't, then let me know down in the comments below!
If you're interested in hearing about my sexual fantasies about Nicole Watterson, ALSO LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS DOWN BELOW. :P
12:53 PM on 02.11.2015
Ay yo, drop me a beat?
No? Well, screw it: I didn't need one anyway!
People think I might be a little crazy
And for what I'm about to say, perhaps just maybe
There are so many girls I'd like to put in my stable
And ride them around like horses, if I'm able
But there's one girl out there that very few
Would like to admit that they would do
So I wanna give a shout out to the overlooked
And roast another until they're overcooked (well done)
So Kyle's got a crush on Gardevoir?
Man, she's got too many fans, she's like "please, no more"
She's turning you down, leaving you frozen
And y'all acting like she's the only one in Hoenn
Now Gardevoir's great, I can adore her
She's rocking that hairstyle better than a fedora.
But let's be honest, let's be frank
She ain't got an ass like my Miltank.
Plus she got a smile that you just can't hate
While Gardy's got one that looks like someone just erased.
How can you kiss someone who ain't got no lips
How can you even get close to her with her sharp red tip?
Actually, speaking of things that prick:
How can we be sure that she ain't got no dick?
Tell me again, how many Gardevoirs are guys?
You think none exist? You like living a lie?
All Miltanks are female, ain't that a kick?
Seeing four nipples and not one a dick?
Plus she ain't skinny, she ain't a twig
And whenever I'm thristy I can get a swig
Like a MILF, she got that milk
and it's about as smooth as silk
It tastes so good, it tastes so delicious
And all you haters can get malicious
That's 'cause she's a cow, and I say that carefully
She's a real nice girl and I treat her respectfully
Unlike the "fans" of Gardevoir, who treat her like a whore
then cum all over her and the fucking floor.
So what if Gardevoir's in Pokken, can she even fight?
Seems like she's suited for another type of Pokken, amiright?
Miltank might be Normal but she can take a hit
She be looking at her opponents and be like "oh, that's it?"
When my Miltank Rolls Out, she lasts 5 turns
Then gives me cold milk to help ease my burns
She's so good to me, she's so very sweet
She's got all the other Pokemons beat (hands down)
My name is Dreamweaver, and this ain't a fib
When I say that from this day forward, I call dibs
On clearly the most underrated girl of the region
Now pardon me please, it's time for mating season.
1:16 AM on 02.09.2015
If you read my Saturday recaps, you know that I'm not above talking about television shows on the regular. I mean, just this week I had a paragraph talking about the anime Inuyasha because they released the first season for free over the weekend! Though, then again, I have also written about sister incest hentai manga and some deeply personal blogs so I suppose nothing is really off limits to me.
Anyway, normally, I would wait until Sunday to post about my thoughts about the Season 5.5 premiere of AMC's The Walking Dead ("What's Happened and What's Going On?"), but since I got so much to say and talk about that I can't contain my excitement, I figure that I would just write about it here!
While I wouldn't say I'm a huge fan of the series, as the TV show and the TellTale Games are my only experience (though I Wiki the comic books to see the comparisons between the "Rick Grimes" story), I really enjoy watching the TV show. Now, I get that it's not for everyone: people like the cool, action-esque zombie flicks where there's tons of blood and gore, but the main appeal to me about The Walking Dead is how much they spend time on immersing you in the experience of living in a zombie apocalypse, where it's more than just zombies and bad humans: it's about surviving in a world without hope, and trying your best not to let it break you.
And I believe this episode best exemplifies that.
[WARNING: This blog will contain spoilers for the TV show, and the comic books. I'm also writing this late at night at the spur of the moment so there's no real structure to it AND I could be rambling, so read on at your own risk!
The episode starts off with a pretty cool montage of a funeral, and it makes sense: Beth, a character who lasted since Season 2, has just been killed. Now, while I didn't like the circumstances leading to her death, nor that boring-as-fuck "Slabtown" storyline, I did enjoy her as a character, so seeing her go was a damn shame, even if we did get Everybody Hates Chris Tyler James Williams (playing Noah) as her replacement. I can't say like his character, not so much that there's something wrong with him as I don't have much reason to have any attachment just yet, but hey, I felt the same way about some of the others, and I grew to like them.
Afterwards, we see half the group heading towards the shelter that Noah used to live in before being kidnapped for a year or two. Naturally, this being a zombie apocalypse, it has fallen, and Noah isn't the only one devastated: notably, Rick, Tyreese, and Michonne are pretty bummed out as well to lose a potential safe zone, and they're starting to lose hope whereas Glenn has already written this place off during the car ride. I like how Glenn used a CD as a mirror, and as they approached the place, he snaps it in half. I totally get symbolism, even if that one was too on-the-nose.
Recall that the group has been through a lot up to this point: it's been years since the attack, and every place they either thought was safe (Atlanta) or been to under the impression that it was safe (Herschel's farm, The Prison, technically Woodbury, and recently Terminus) has turned out to be short-lived, or downright dangerous. The show tackled themes of depression before, such as Beth's "desperate for a drink" subplot a little while back, but you can really feel like the group here is starting to wonder if all they'll ever do is just "survive".
Speaking of survival, this episode focuses heavily on Tyreese, played by Chad Coleman. Tyreese, to me, has been my third favorite character of the TV series (next to Rick Grimes and The Governor) because he feels like a radically different character in this scenario: while we first see him as a able zombie killer with his trusty hammer, after spending some time in the safe zones Woodbury and The Prison, he has gotten not just softer, but less inclined to kill. Tyreese even became someone very admirable in a world like this: not only does he NOT kill Martin for threatening to end a baby's life, nor Carol for killing his girlfriend, but he even forgave them.
As we all know, it's usually the people with a conscious that are the first to go, and sadly, after the episode also starts off with a bit of his backstory during the car ride, I could tell he was gonna die. See, Noah tries to console him that Beth's death wasn't his fault. If you recall, there was two options to deal with Beth's kidnapper: either they go in and silently kill everyone and extract her OR negotiate a deal. Tyreese manages to convince the others to do the latter because he thought there'd be no deaths on either side (remember that the deal only went south when the kidnapper's leader Dawn tried to take back Noah AND Beth stabbed Dawn in response).
Anyway, since Tyreese blames himself before choosing that option, Noah feels the need to relieve him of the bruden. However, Tyreese tells him that it went down the way it was always gonna go down, and that he isn't entirely "shocked" by it: see, his father used to "make" him listen to horrible news on the car radio because, in order to survive in the world, he couldn't turn away from what was happening around them, and this becomes a recurring theme.
After Tyreese motivates Noah, who fell slightly comatose after seeing the destruction of his safezone, that he should live because of what happened to Tyreese (who threw himself to a group of Walkers to fight to the death, only to survive and eventually save the baby Judith mentioned earlier), Noah wants to see his home. Tyreese accompanies him, and after leaving Noah to mourn his dead mother, Tyreese goes to investigate: he hears one zombie for sure, but he couldn't help but get distracted by a dead body of a young child, and as he looks as the photos on the wall, he gets bit in the arm.
Now, let me just defend Tyreese for a bit because I know a lot of people are gonna be like "that's so stupid: he KNEW there's a zombie yet he doesn't take care of it". Well, Tyreese, at this point, has stopped "unnecessarily" killing Walkers: while better safe and sorry, Tyreese couldn't take the constant killing anymore (shown throughout several episodes), that it's finally wearing him down. So, he no longer opts to do it unless absolutely necessary, which he didn't believe it was because he only heard one zombie, and it was supposefully locked behind a door (he does end up getting attacked by that zombie as well though).
I also want to say, for anyone saying he was distracted, how many times have you go out to do something, only to get distracted and realize five minutes later "oh shit, I spaced out?" Everyone makes mistakes. Even the black samurai Michonne almost got killed because when she used her sword to slice off a Walker's head, it was protected by a piece of rebar. Plus, he was hurt by seeing a dead child on a bed: even though most people would've "hardened" to it by now, Tyreese still had his empathy and emotions, and it just overtook him. I also liked how they used twins (one as a dead child and the other as a Walker) for this scenario because it further drives the point home that it's his emotions that gets him.
After Tyreese gets bit, Noah runs off to find the group, leaving Tyreese by himself to bleed out. Tyreese is starting to feel the blood loss and infection, and thus hallucinates in a damn cool way. Remember back in the prison when Rick Grimes hallucinated that a telephone "worked", and that the people on the other end telling him that there "was" a safe haven turned out to be voiced of the dead members of his original group? Well, this was SO much better.
As Tyreese is bleeding out, he hallucinates seeing Martin, the guy I mentioned earlier who tried to kill the baby. Martin is saying the same things that he told Tyreese earlier when he was alive (for clarification, Martin was only beaten by Tyreese, and later killed by someone else): if you're going to be a good guy in this world, you're going to get killed, and since Tyreese got bit due to his emotions over the death of a boy distracting him, Martin seems right in that response. Furthermore, he tells Tyreese that since Tyreese "forgave" him and let him live, it was his fault that his group came back and kidnapped Bob, whose foot they ate because they were cannibals.
Then, in another surprise cameo appearance, Bob is in the room, and he tells Martin that he's wrong, as Bob reveals that he was already going to die since he was bitten in the chest on a supply run. However, Martin keeps telling Tyreese that he should've killed him in order to save the group from their attacks anyway. Adding to the tension of the scenario, Tyreese not only hallucinates that the radio in the room is playing horrible news, but he later sees my favorite character, The Governor (reprised by David Morissey), whom Tyreese briefly allied with. The Governor, in case you don't remember, is a ruthless badass, and it was not only awesome to see him again, but in context of this "internal struggle" moment.
The Governor reminds Tyreese that Tyreese once said that he was willing to do anything to stay in the safe zone Woodbury, but that now Tyreese couldn't do it after all. We then see Lizzie and Mika (the two girls in the episode "The Grove") come back, reminding Tyreese that not only should he not feel bad for not wanting to be ruthless, but that it's better he's not. I thought this was a nice touch because, if you remember in this episode, Lizzie is a psychopath who killed her sister Mika to turn her into a zombie, and even though Tyreese and Carol agreed that Lizzie should be "taken care of", Tyreese wasn't able to do it himself. However, The Governor says that Tyreese needs to "pay his price", and then we see "The Governor" is actually a zombie!
After dealing with another zombie in a pretty cool way (the zombie was more powerful now that Tyreese is weakened so, to distract the zombie from biting his neck, he shoves his already bitten arm into the zombie's mouth), he further starts to hallucinate with Beth's singing. After her short song, she and the rest of the "group" that Tyreese no longer needs to fight anymore, and that it's okay to left go.
However, The Governor and Martin further chastise that Tyreese couldn't adapt to the world, and in a powerful scene, Tyreese defends himself from the criticism from The Governor by telling that he knows what kind of person he is, and how bad the world was because of the radio mentioned earlier: no matter what kind of news he heard, he never ignored it, and that he wanted to stay true to the kind of person he was because he wanted to do something to help, not add on to the problems of the planet. He believes that people like him CAN make it in this world, but The Governor is insistent that he "pays his bills".
Afterwards, Tyreese's arm is held up by Lizzie and Mika... only for them to be Rick and his group, ready to save him by amputating his arm like they did Herschel's foot when he got bit. The resulting visual style of this episode was awesome: as Rick and his group tries to escort Tyreese to the car, Tyreese constantly fades in and out of consciousness, so it shifts back and forth between what's happening in the real world, and what's playing out in Tyreese's mind, giving the whole episode a "Dreamlike" quality to.
Earlier, although I had the gut feeling that Tyreese was going to die because of the beginning of the episode, I wanted to believe that he could actually make it, especially after his short speech. Unfortunately... that doesn't happen, and I refound that sad realization during the car ride back. As Tyreese is bleeding out or succumbing to the infection in the car ride, he hallucinates hearing the radio one more time, and after a while, he shakes his head and asks to "turn it off".
Hearing that line made my heart sank so much, like you don't even know. I wanted so desperately for Tyreese to live because I wanted to see him prove that good people can make it. But after that line, and seeing the group pull over to check on his final condition, he was gone, and it made me feel depressed. Now, it may not be saying much because I tend to take characters' deaths more personal than others (R.I.P. T-Dogg, Bob, Meryl, Lizzie, Mika, Beth, etc.), but Tyreese's death really gets to me.
It's surely the most memorable death I've seen in not only this show ("The Grove" was equally amazingly eye-catching), but in tons of other media because it wasn't just about a character dying: it was the internal struggle shown in a really awesome, also fan-servicey way. I'll admit that as soon as I saw The Governor, I literally squealed: I love his portrayal of that character (the comic one is such a dick) and I was so glad they found a creative way to bring him back without seeming forced (since he was referring lines said all the way back in Season 3).
Anyway, personal attachment aside, I really loved this episode: while it didn't have the awesome action scenes and casual brutality as the Season 5 premiere "No Sanctuary", this episode had great writing (aside from one glaring flaw: why the hell is Noah, the guy with one messed up leg, is able to OUTRUN everyone else?), features a culmination of the tiny seeds planted throughout the seasons, and had an amazingly cool visual style reminiscent of The Governor's solo affairs in Season 4 ("Live Bait", another one of my favorites).
If I had to give this episode a score (this isn't a review as more as it is my thoughts on it), I would give it a 9.25, if not higher. The cameos were well done, and Chad Coleman was just amazing, but it isn't the only reason why I enjoyed it: even Rick's side of the episode was great, as we saw Michonne becoming desperate for a safe haven. When she kept trying to come up with ideas to salvage an overrun area, you could just sense her desperation, and Glenn's lack of resolve despite having been the funny one in the earlier seasons just shows that they're tired. I also liked how the funeral in the beginning was really for Tyreese rather than the recently released Beth for that surprise red-herring. Overall, this is one episode that I'll be remembering the name of for a while, especially since it's pretty damn catchy.
7:09 PM on 01.30.2015
You thought I wasn't watching.
You thought I wasn't aware of your antics in the comments.
You thought I was just sitting here, masturbating to hentai.
But guess what, punk?
But I can multi-task.
Welcome to Round Two of Comments of the Week, hosted by yours truly, Dreamweaver! Comments of the Week is a showcase of all the wonderful comments created by the community for people who may not have time to scour every single article on Destructoid, or for those who would like a sample of some of the funny stuff goes down here! As always, comments will be placed under these lovely categories:
TRUTH: for times when you gotta stand up and applaud.
LOL: for times when you gotta throw your head back and laugh.
WUT?: for times when you gotta wonder "what the what?"
Without further delay, here's what them wacky Dtoiders say!
Dreamweaver: But then who will make the inevitable DLC for the Season Pass?
Dreamweaver: Chris Carter has more Power to the Players than Gamestop.
Dreamweaver: What is thine "hentai" thou speakth of? And is there any of me?
Dreamweaver: Ha, totally got me with that!
Dreamweaver: Sorry Sephzilla: you gotta come quicker than that.
Dreamweaver: He confessed, but the joke's on him: never put Phil that close to your grandma.
Dreamweaver: America: fuck yeah!
Dreamweaver: Oh, snap, he's the one! GET HIM!
Dreamweaver: See, communication is important!
Dreamweaver: That's why they're called "Amiibos", amiright?
Dreamweaver: Those cold-blooded bastards.
Dreamweaver: Zoo gotta be kidding me with that.
Dreamweaver: There are fates worse than death, like public humilation. :3
Dreamweaver: "Monster? I hardly know her!"
Dreamweaver: It was the peer pressure.
From Review: Nihilumbra
Dreamweaver: Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. What a jerk.
Dreamweaver: I think "Wut?" is the best way to describe this.
Dreamweaver: ...The white stuff wasn't white when they bought it, was it?
Dreamweaver: He's looking a little... wooden. Wait, are cardboard boxes made of wood?
Dreamweaver: There are no words to describe how awesome that is.
Welp, that's it for this edition! As you noticed, I snip a bit of the article in order to provide just enough context so you could get the gist of the joke. Let me know if it's not necessary, or if it's a good idea. Again, still rough around the edges, I know (some of the pictures looks tinier than I expected them to be), but I hope you enjoyed it!
9:47 AM on 01.26.2015
So, how does one start a blog that's about to get real heavy? With a funny joke, perhaps? Okay, here's one: a boy and a girl walk into a bar. They fell.
Alright, where do I begin from there? Well, I went to the school guidance counselor shortly after my first depression blog I've written a while back. I came in hoping that I would at least have some kind of path in my life, but it didn't exactly work out. I asked if they had any Creative Writing degrees but they don't offer it where I live. Okay, fair enough, so I tried getting the next best thing, which is probably becoming an English major, but...
You know that feeling that you feeling you're about to make a big mistake, and people know you're about to make a big mistake, but they won't outright tell you? That's essentially how that session went: the guidance counselor did virtually as much as she could (which isn't much due to the limitations of what they're allowed to say to you) to sway me from not taking that path. If I wanted to become a teacher or a journalist, she would recommend it... but since I didn't, she kept giving me that look that I could better spend my time.
That being said, I still have no path in life, and for the next couple of months, I tried to pretend that everything's okay by ignoring it. I went to my classes as usual and just tried to forget about how bleak my future is... but as anyone not delusional like me would know, ignoring something doesn't make it go away. I just keep smiling and hoping that perhaps everything would sort itself out, like whatever's supposed to happen will happen out of some divine intervention.
Remember, I was delusional at the time. Needless to say, nothing happened. Hence, blog.
It's the start of a new year and everyone around me seems to know where they're heading. My brother recently got married and is now living with his wife and stepson. My cousin is going to basic training next month and, if things go well, will ship out afterwards to become military police. My younger brother knows that he's going to college to become a physical therapist's assistant, and is so close to get a scholarship. He even plans to move out soon and live with his friends. All I can think about is how I haven't really made any progress in my life.
The past month or so, after the school semester ended, I became so depressed about my situation that most of my time was spent sleeping. I no longer had the energy to do much of anything.
So all I did lately was lock myself in my room and just sleep until I had to drink some water or use the bathroom. Obviously, and rightfully, my parents didn't like that, and they've became fed up with me by this point. I couldn't blame them though, and it doesn't help that I was draining their money by having them pay my tuition and books. Even now, I feel like I should just quit school to stop being such a burden because, hey, what's the point?
Lately, I've been under a lot of stress. It feels like I'm working myself through school for nothing. I don't even have a job because I thought being unemployed would allow me to continue working on my personal projects. However, I couldn't even work on my "novel" because of writer's block, and it frustrates me to sit there staring at an empty Wordpad. Even when I do write something down, I shake my head and say "that's not good enough" and delete it, repeating the cycle for hours.
I want to be a writer, yet I have so much trouble doing it. It's just starting to feel like torture after a while, yet this is still remotely even the closest thing I want to do in my life... and yet I can't seem to actually do it. It's hard enough to get the motivation to even type in the first place when you wonder if anyone will actually read it, but to then when I look at my work and just delete it all because I think I should've done it differently, it makes me so depressed, so I stopped for a couple of months.
Every full moon or something, I can sometimes get the urge to write, but they're typically fleeting. Two days ago, I managed to sit down and actually typed out part of the next chapter, and for once, I felt good about it. However, trying to replicate that feeling the next day, it ended up with me feeling even WORSE than before.
I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I still don't know what's going to happen to me. I don't even know if life is worth living anymore.
Yeah, lately, I've just been thinking suicide. It started out as just a thought, but the more I thought about it, the more it grew. Now, don't call the cops or anything, it's not like I'm trembling with a gun in my hands or anything. Hell, I don't even have access to one. But as I sit here, I keep wondering why I shouldn't one day do it: I wonder if the world actually be better off without me in it?
My family, and people really, always looked down on me throughout my whole life. They didn't like the kind of person I was, even before this depression fit. My parents were mad that I didn't have friends when I was younger, and they're especially pissed off about it now because my older brother is married and my younger brother has gotten closer with his friends. Before, my parents tolerated me, but as I said, we're wearing our patience with each other.
The others aren't as nice, though at least my younger brother is the most mild of them: he makes fun of me for being dateless and friendless, but it's just teasing. Still hurts though, but he's actually nice to me otherwise. My older brother was the worst. How could you get worse than my parents? By telling me that I should go fucking kill myself because I didn't deserve to live, and that no one would miss me. Regretably, it wasn't the first time I heard that: when I was in high school, I would hear it quite often, especially to my face because they wanted to see me cry. Thankfully, I never got beat up by bullies, but emotional abuse was still hard on me.
As an aside, my older brother mellowed out after he met his wife. He tries to be nicer to me now, but every time I look at him, I only remember what he said to me when I was in a dark place of my life. It's one thing to hear it from people who hated me, but it's another to come from blood.
After those experiences (except the one about my parents, because that was recent), it became harder for me to talk to people. Before, I could barely speak to people due to my shyness. Now? Now, I can barely make eye contact, if even. I get severely uncomfortable when people try, almost to the point that I need to run away. Funny enough though, I can look other people in the eye, but it's only when they're staring back that I'm uncomfortable.
Sometimes, I wish I could wear a mask when I go out in public to hide my face. Sometimes I wish I could just cut off my fucking face off, like I hated myself so much that I wanted to tear it off with my bare hands. Yeah, it isn't the first time I've thought about hurting myself. I still have a face though.
If I were to kill myself, would anyone in real life really care? People say all the time that the people around you do, even if you don't realize it... but I find that hard to believe, all things considering. People tell you that things will get better, and that's something I still have hope for... but doesn't look like it'll happen soon.
I said before that I was thinking of dropping out of school, and I recently told my mom that. She didn't take it well. We're a lower middle class family, and as someone who got good grades, I was always expected to make it through college, like it was the only way I could redeem myself in their eyes. So, after I told her that, my mom no longer thinks I'm worth the hassle anymore. I suspect she's going to kick me out of the house soon.
Before, I try to not overstay my welcome, but as we're losing patience with each other, I finally "snapped" under all the pressure getting to me: I curse out my mom, telling her to go fuck herself. Obviously, she didn't take it every well.
I don't know how you feel about me NOW, but I know that, maybe, some of you guys think I'm a really nice guy. And I try to be: every one of my family members, even the ones on my mother's and father's side, have all had issues with anger management, myself including, but I've always tried to be a nice, goofy guy, as though to break that curse. Unforunately, I failed, and while it doesn't happen often, it would be now that I made a big mistake.
Look, I don't have the means to survive on my own: like I said, I don't have a job, I don't have a car, and I only have a measly... what, a thousand bucks, and that's if it doesn't get stolen, to my name, so I'm screwed. If I'm going to get kicked out soon, and I sincerely believe so, since she's not being subtle about it, is there any real chance I'll actually make it? Why not just skip the middleman and end it soon?
You could say that dying to circumstance is more admirable than suicide (except, you know, I'm the reason why a lot of this is happening), but I've been seriously thinking suicide is the better option.
What if I turn my suicide into a sacrifice?
It's been years since I started thinking about suicide, and since then, I started to at least attempt eat healthier, excerise more, and all that. Why? Because I'm a registered organ donor. After I watched this one anime (which I will not name because it would be a spoiler to an emotional moment), it convinced me to sign up to be an organ donor, especially when you hear about how many people on an organ donor list die before receiving what they need.
What if everything happens for a reason. What if I was meant to watch that anime? What if it was meant to convince me to be an organ donor? What if my life became so hopeless so I would think suicide? What if, if I die, that I could save someone else? I've been in love with the idea so much that not a day goes by that I don't think about it. Once I thought of seemingly good enough plan to execute my suicide, I've become so much more calmer, as if I truly believe in it. In fact, just typing that out just makes me feel so at ease.
I don't know if I'm being delusional. I don't know whether it'd be a sin or not. I don't even know how I would actually kill myself, which the only part of the plan that I can't seem to find the answer for: I want to do it as painlessly as possible without even a chance to ruin my organs, plus it needs to be instant so medics won't try to revive me.
All I do know is that this is my backup plan. And being homeless would put the plan in jeopardy... so if my luck is being pushed, I feel like I need to cash in quick.
Again, I'm NOT committing suicide at this moment, the next, or even at all... It's just something I think about since, lately, I just seem to have cause to go through with it. Maybe my mom will cool off and I get a second chance (though I've been given too many second chances). Maybe things WILL get better and I'll look back and think about how I am thankful not to have gone through it.
Or, maybe when I do it, I'll be able to rest in peace knowing that I helped someone. I dunno. What I do know is that no big decision should be done carelessly, and if I'm not 100% sure, I shouldn't do something I can't take back.
Unless, you know, I fail at it, like others have. Wouldn't be surprising, really. I've always been a failure to everyone in my life, including myself. I tried to be unlike my family despite my conviction to do so and I still fucked up.
Like I said, I'm not ready to die soon. I've been suicidal before, a couple of years back, yet I can still describe it to this day: it was like running away from darkness while it whispers bad thoughts into your head. Your body starts racing as though you have an adrenaline rush, and you start breathing rapidly as though you just ran a marathon. Your eyes become empty, your heart becomes heavy, and your mind isn't in a good place. You hear echoes of people telling you to kill yourself, at least I did, and you're so impulsive and rash that the irrational becomes rational.
To tell you the truth, I don't even remember why I didn't go through with it in the first place. I just remember something in my mind snapped and I started laughing suddenly. I don't mean a laugh like "haha, that was hilarious"; I mean I laughed like a maniac, like someone would after hours of torture. I don't know what stopped me from killing myself...
But I don't believe I ever "recovered" from it. I never gotten to that place ever since, even when my situation got worse, but it's something that I still have within me. It's like as though someone cut the Achille's tendon of my soul: still surviving, but limping. I feel broken, in case you couldn't tell about the way I feel about myself, and I don't think I can survive in this world, but I don't think I can change either. Call it "learned helplessness" or being stubborn, childish even... either way, I just can't seem to get myself straight out.
Even now, I just look at everything and say "what's the point?" My future, if not the very present, feels so unstable. I could count the amount of people I trust in real life with both hands cut off. I feel like a failure in everything I do. There doesn't seem to be any hope for me outside a miracle, and even then, I can't even imagine how my life would even begin to turn around.
I can understand what some people feel like when they're suicidal: they feel like all hope is gone, like there's nothing they can do to help themselves, so the only reasonable answer is just to die.
I don't even know why I'm telling you guys all this. You guys are the only people I told these thoughts to. Maybe it's because I trust you guys more than anyone else?
Listen, you guys, I really do love my time here. Honestly, chatting with you guys, reading your blogs, and even just wandering into the comment section makes me happy to be a part of the community. Whenever you guys give me a shoutout, it's such a nice feeling because it makes me feel like I fit in, which is something I have trouble with in real life.
So it's not you guys' fault why I'm like this, and I sincerely hope I'm not ruining anyone's day with my bitching and moaning; I know a lot of you have actual problems like paying bills and raising kids whereas I'm just stuck in this rut. I also hope I haven't lost anyone's respect for me: I'm just a kid compared to many of you, and I must be sounding mighty childish right now... but still, in some ways, you guys are pretty much all I have left.
Whatever the case, whatever happens happens. I made too many mistakes in my life and I don't think my streak's running out.
8:16 PM on 01.22.2015
Hello, there, I'm Dreamweaver! I think a little context is necessary for what I'm about to ask so...
While I joined Destructoid around 2009, I was never too involved with the community: I was a front page lurker, who would seldom comment on those articles anyway. It kinda makes me question why I had an account if I wasn't going to use it at all. However, rather recently, like last year, I started getting more active, even becoming a recapper in the process, and I gotta say, after my time here, that the Destructoid community is possibly the one of the best, if not the best community on the internet.
And part of that is because we're such a unique bunch.
Seriously, where else would you see a resplendid black grandma, a Canadian scholar, Robocop, a cult with an unhealthy obsession with Gardeoir, an ex-wrestler who leads religious youth groups, a Reinhold Hoffman, and a pervert who's so into porn that he critiques the story, all mingling together on one site?
OTHER than a site for Rule 34.
That's what I thought.
However, as good as the community is, people who have been active here much, much, MUCH longer than I have said that the community was actually really swell back. While my memory is foggy, I do remember that one of the reasons I loved going to Destructoid for the articles is to scroll down to the comments section: while it's cool to see staff members just chatting with people like us, the best parts are always seeing what zany reactions Dtoiders had for the news, as evident by all the gifs and snarky remarks we could come up with.
Of course, we can't keep up with every single comment, and that means that we can often miss a lot of funny jokes. I mean, how often do you check back on articles anyway? Not often, right? Plenty of times I leave an article, only to find out some funny things went down without my knowledge! Thus, this is my proposal to all you Dtoiders: let's revive a piece of Destructoid called "Comments of the Week!"
"Comments of the Week" is a simple premise. Over the week, someone would collect comments and place them into three categories: Truth, for those applaud worthy comments; LOL for the ones that makes you look like an idiot for guffawing in public; and WTF for the random remarks that makes you feel like your brain just suddenly switched off because you don't wanna absorb that.
Afterwards, they get to comment on the comments, then you get to comment on their comment of a comment in the comments section, and if that comment gets commented by another commentator...
My head hurts. What was I doing? *looks at internet tab* Oh, right. Reading porn.
Dammit, this is what I get for multi-tasking.
Anyway, sounds like a fun thing? Well, here's some bad news: unforunately, such an undertaking would be clearly heavy. After all, you not only got the front page articles constantly being seen and viewed by different people in different countries at different times, but more and more articles could be pumping in while you're reading.
However, the same could be said for the cblogs, but then again, not only is the workload easier, but that also has a team of 7 Recappers to round up all the blogs, one Recapper with his or her own dedicated days.
So that got me I thinking... why not attempt to do the same with the comments? For "Comments of the Week", we could have one person shift through all the articles released on that day for the funniest comments, then after the week is over, have one person make a blog using all the content the other members collected. If that sounds too much of a hassle, we could simply do "Comments of the Day", like we do with the Recaps.
Regardless, it'll still a lot of work... but if you're interested in seeing such a thing happen, then why not help make it happen yourself? Like how the Recap team is made up of unpaid volunteers who do it for the love of recapping your blogs (and talking about our lives), would any of you guys like to be a part of a new community group?
I'm not gonna lie to you, it could be a pretty big undertaking: not only would you be reading comments, but you might need to do a little "print-screen" cropping as well, as it would be a lazy effort to simply link to an article and say "scroll down". We'll figure it out later.
My fellow Recappers have been entertaining the idea to bring back somethings that has been missing as well: StriderHoang has been attempting to bring back Fapcast (a podtoid of the recap team, including the very eager PhilKenSabben) and Pixielated wants to do a monthly recap of all the blogs to post on the front page so we can spread the words and crazy porn blogs (mostly mine) of the community to the masses, perhaps gaining some new members in the process... so maybe the timing for this awesome idea is perfect.
I'm not entirely sure how this is going to work, or if I'll even be involved at all, but I'm writing this blog to gauge some thoughts and volunteers because I think many people would be delighted in reading something like this, and we're gonna need folks on board with helping.
So... you interested?
9:50 AM on 01.19.2015
While everyone seems to be watching select shows on Cartoon Network like Adventure Time and Regular Show, The Amazing World of Gumball is the reason why I keep flipping to that channel: while it doesn't have the charm of the former nor the "slacker cool" vibe of the latter, The Amazing World of Gumball just has so much energy that rarely do I ever feel bored watching it. I mean, and this is just the opinion of someone who also enjoys the ocassional My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic but...: the characters are all excellently voiced, the writing is among one of the wittiest I've seen, the timing on the jokes are so on point that you could tell it was written by comedians, and has a unique mix of art styles from traditional animation to CGI and photorealism that I never seem to get tired watching some reruns on a lazy afternoon.
But just as how no cartoons are safe from the law of the internet known as "Rule 34", The Amazing World of Gumball also has its fair share of porn, and I didn't find that out because I "accidentally" stumbled onto it. No, I actually go out looking for it! When you think of cartoon porn, most people will rightfully assume one of a few things: it will be badly drawn, will be more funny (or disturbing) than arousing... and that some will still get off to it anyway. Now, I like to think I'm no different than the rest of you, so just like how some people who have an attraction to videogame or anime characters go out looking for smut, I don't discriminate: if I find a character attractive, then I want to see said character in sexual situations!
The fan art is pretty damn good though! Image is credited to deviantArt's Mike Inel! Click his name for more!
While there are a handful of pretty badly drawn images out there, I did have the pleasure of somewhat stumbling into a couple of things that I really enjoyed, and thought I'd share with you guys! Just like with my videogame doujinshi and original hentai manga blogs, I'm not just gonna dump a gallery's worth of pictures on you; I'm going to talk about a couple of pieces that are not only pretty decently drawn, but are also true to the source material!
Well, that's not entirely true: as with any type of porn, parody or not, there's always a few liberties taken when creating adult entertainment, like a character's bust line or how slutty they are. With these examples, the character have gone from their portrayal of anthropomorphized animals into a human-ized recreations, which is probably for the better. I mean, I have no problems with furries myself, but I think turning them into humans makes people much more accepting of it, and to be honest, I kinda like see artist intrepretations of these characters, like how Luna Sy likes seeing human version of Pokemon.
Alright, that's enough introductions! Now, don't worry if you haven't seen the show: I'll assume everyone reading is unfamiliar, and will provide adequate background information on the characters as we go along.
But check out the show sometimes!
[DISCLAIMER: As always, links are NOT SAFE FOR WORK, and may contain pop-ups and other negative things that may harm your computer. Please enter at your own risk as, like my many children, I claim no responsibility for!]
["Penny Possessed" by Inuyuru]
I can't help but read the dialogue in the character's voice. Anyone else do the same?
Starting with an original piece as possible, Penny Possessed is a short work from an artist who does porn comics of other cartoons like The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Pokemon, and the aforementioned Adventure Time/ My Little Pony: Friendship of Magic! This piece stars the title character Gumball Watterson and two of the side characters, Penny and Carrie. Penny, the girl in the brown jacket, is Gumball's love interest over the course of the series, while Carrie is this emo-styled ghost with the power to possess others. Since Gumball and Penny are officially dating as of Season 3's episode "The Shell", when Gumball confessed his feelings towards her, the events of this comic appears to take place earlier in the series since it starts with Gumball is still shy about how he feels about her... as evident by the way he's embarrassed about accidentally letting that tidbit slip like in the TV show.
Actually, the comic starts with Carrie making a comment about how "there's gotta be some way", giving a hint that she wants something... and no sooner does she possess Penny does she reveal that she gots the hots for Gumball! Again, there's a couple of liberties taken here: Carrie doesn't seem to have any romantic interests, at least to my knowledge, and whenever she possesses people, they look like this creepy looking ghoul... but that might just be because having to stare at that would kill most people's boners (...but not everyone's). Either way, after "Penny" starts hitting on Gumball, he is quick to realize what's going on.
Nice comeback. Get it? Come... You get it.
Carrie, admitting that she likes Gumball, wants to get down and dirty quick. Even though Gumball likes Penny, he still hesitates: he doesn't want this to happen like this... but it could also be that they're only 12 years, but it might just be another liberty changed from the show. Either way, Carrie tells him that if neither of them will make the first move, then Carrie will use Penny's body to get what she wants! In the episode "The Ghost", Carrie reveals that she can't taste and eat food unless she's possessing someone like Gumball (of course, TV shows are rarely so consistent), so it makes sense that she can't feel herself having sex either, despite the porn-like dialogue of how she can feel it "even in her ghost form".
Since the gallery is only about 10 pages long, with only 8 about the story itself, the sex scenes are really simple and quick, not bloated like the 7 page blowjobs seen in "Fela Pure". There's not much to say about the sex, since it's pretty standard stuff, but when Gumball announces that he's about to cum, Carrie says that it's okay to do it inside since her ghost form will absorb it. I have no idea how the hell that's supposed to work, but it doesn't matter since Gumball doesn't question it and does that anyway. After she climaxes herself, Carrie immediately vacates Penny's body, who "wakes up" and surprised to see what a predicament she's in!
Carrie looking a little chubby despite not being able to eat...
The two pages at the end are just a better look at the artist's idea of a human Penny and Carrie. Penny, in the show, was seen as this walnut-looking character with antlers, and the artist decides to change that to a jacket with the antlers as attachments on the hood, like a Fluttershy hoodie... not that I own one or anything. Carrie is mostly the same from the neck up, though she's thicker than what my version of her would be... but I'm not complaining!
["The Bully" by Inuyuku]
Wait, is that an insult!?
Of course, liberties are definitely taken with another one of this artist's work because this next comic stars Tina Rex who, in the show, is a giant dinosaur (a T-Rex, to be specific)! While I'm not saying denying that there's no dinosaur porn on the internet, because it is the internet after all, in this next piece, Tina is portrayed in this piece as a lizard looking lady. This comic, rather than being an original story like in the previous one, is actually based off the episode in Season 3 called "The Fight"! As the title of the comic suggests, Tina isn't exactly seen as the friendliest character on the show: being the big ass dinaosaur that she is, she is seen as the butch girl of the group because she isn't girly, is easily angered, and quick to resort to violence, as seen on several accounts. In fact, in one of my favorite episodes, "The Quest", she was the main antagonist, as she chased the characters through a junkyard trying to steal back the doll she stole!
In the other aforementioned episode "The Fight", Gumball shows up at home with signs of being picked on, so he tells his family what his day in school was like: after he reveals that Tina took his money, tore his homework and resulting him getting an F, and shoving his face into his lunch, they believe he's being bullied. Gumball, however, being the "innocent" guy that he is (I say that in quotes because in most episodes it's his adopted brother Darwin who is usually the wide-eyed one), says that Tina is just having fun with him... but now that his family has pointed it out, he now can't stop thinking about it! Although his sister Anais tries to settle it peacefully by calling Tina up, she accidentally arranges a fight between Tina and Gumball.
Because of course she does, it's a cartoon: everything always goes wrong.
A little lazy, in my opinion, but a decent attempt to add some perspective shots.
Throughout the actual episode (so we're not at the actual comic yet), Gumball tries to find advice on how to handle this, but eventually he gets to the showdown with Tina... only to run away at the advice of his father. After getting a shiner by accidentally running into a door, he couldn't hide the truth from his mother, Nicole Watterson, who immediately gets enraged at the sight of it: previously, the only one who knew about this was Richard (his father), Anais, and Darwin, since Nicole was at work. Despite Gumball telling her the truth that it really was an accident, despite the fact that it was only because he was being chased by Tina, Nicole drives Gumball to Tina's house to not only order the two to make up, but to have a talk with Tina's father. Since Tina's father is an even bigger T-Rex, and Gumball's mom is "only" a cat, he dismisses her... but like a mother willing to protect her son, Nicole locks the door and has a "talk" with the dinosaur a dozen times her size.
This is where the actual porn starts: starting off with a slightly abridged version of the transcript of the episode (for the most part, it's pretty word for word), they both find common ground by realizing that the other's parent is scary as fuck. However, curious as the cat that he is, Gumball then has to ask if Tina was really bullying him this whole time. As he suspects the first time, Tina tells him that she wasn't, that she thought they were just having fun together. Sullen because she realizes that everyone sees her as a brute like her father, Gumball tells her that he doesn't think that at all, much to her surprise. This is where the deviation in the story starts: in the TV show, they hug and make up, and Nicole walks away from the fight victorious.
Art's a little funny looking as well, but pretty decent enough to get the point across.
In this version, Tina takes it one step further: she asks, since Gumball doesn't see her as a brute, if he sees her as cute. Saying that she is, Tina blushes hard at the compliment, and after pulling Gumball towards her chest, she then opts to give him a blowjob before finally culminating with sex. Again, like the last comic, the sex is really short, and there's not much else to say about it other than how odd it is to hear that "dinosaurs are actually sensual". In a brief reference to Nicole's "fight" with Tina's dad, I'm not entirely sure what's going on there: it doesn't use the same lines of dialogue as the TV show like the beginning conversation between Gumball and Tina did, and I think the artist is trying to imply that, like mother like son, Nicole is getting some. In another deviation, it ends on a different tone: in the TV show, Tina still "picks" on Gumball by shoving his face into his lunch, but he's much more accepting of it since he knows the truth behind it, whereas in the comic, you see Tina looking annoyed, maybe jealous, that Gumball is hanging out with Penny.
This is one of the reasons why I liked this comic and wanted to talk about it: while it's virtually unable to standalone since it assumes that you have seen the show, it serves as a great companion piece to the episode because you already have the background information, and it only deviates near the end, as evident by the way the comic starts by using almost the exact same dialogue exchange. You may say that maybe I'm having a bit too much of a nerdgasm and giving the artist too much credit, but I appreciate these little nods to the source material!
["The Fridge" by Manyakisart (45 seconds)]
Cats lap milk out of a bowl, so I imagine they're good at getting "milk" as well. *winkwink*
Unlike these other two entries in this blog, this last piece I wanna talk about is NOT a comic or anything like that... but rather, it's a short hentai (yep, they're getting fancy with it) video clip! However, though most of the 45 seconds is just sex stuff, not only is it still true to the TV show by being based on another episode, but it also features one of the hottest versions of my favorite character of the show, Nicole Watterson! As I said a couple of times before, Nicole Watterson is Gumball's mom, and I really like her as a character. It's no coincidence why some of my favorite episodes like "The DVD", "The Remote", "The Limit", and "The Mothers" heavily feature her: she is arguably the most enjoyable character to watch other than the title character Gumball or his best friend Darwin, especially since when she's calm, she has a really nice, maternal sounding voice... but she also has a temper that fun to watch her explode, to boot!
This short hentai clip (I believe this is the entire thing, unless someone knows something I don't!) is based on another one of my favorite episodes, "The Fridge"! Throughout the series, Nicole is seen as this really competitive, over-the-top person, and in this episode, she takes it up a notch! With a chart on the fridge, she motivates her family to "reach for the stars" by ranking what they perceive to be their top achievement for the week. While she places herself on the top for winning the company paintball tournament, even though Anais discovered a new bacteria strain, she is disappointed when it's Gumball's turn to say what he did for the week and comes up with nothing. Wanting Gumball to value winning-over-everything, Nicole decides to do something about it!
And you know what that means!
Oh, you know what that means!
...Funny enough, the sex stuff doesn't start yet... but did I fool you? :P
Okay, moving on with the episode, Nicole starts out with simple tasks like going shopping and snagging cheaper goods from other shoppers... but then it quickly escalades when she leaves Gumball stranded at a DESERT with no supplies and tells him to walk home! Gumball does eventually make it home around night time, but he comes home to a mess! He sees the place is trashed with the lights off, with the only source coming from a TV emitting static, which his father is sitting in front of. Gumball asks what happens, and Richard tells him that he trashed the house for being placed so low on the chart (I should mention that his character is actually extremely goofy and lighthearted, and that his "achievement" was trying to make a crayon out of cheese... so you don't get the wrong impression that he's some violence jerk) and that Darwin and Anais are depressed for not being moved up higher up. After hearing that his mom has actually moved him up the list above everyone else BUT Nicole (competitive, remember?), Gumball is slightly happy... but slightly isn't good enough, as Nicole is still not satisfied since Gumball still doesn't have the drive for victory at any cost.
Now, the episode goes on to have Gumball decide to challenge Nicole: if he beats her at paintball, she must tear down the chart, as Gumball could see what the obsession is driving his family into, like how a nice guy like Richard snapped. However, I mostly got this far for the set-up and context of the porn clip because it takes place between the time Nicole leaves Gumball in the desert and until he gets back, as evident by the setting of the dark house and the TV with static. Wanting to drive her family to move up the chart, the video is of Nicole Watterson giving someone a titty-blowjob combo, finishing it off with a cum shot into her mouth. When she finishes, she tells the character "maybe that'll push you to reach for the top", and as the camera cuts to the chart on the fridge, she concludes with the line "the fridge is waiting". Though, understandably, the creator had to use a different voice actor, the biggest disappointment is who the character receiving the "motivation" is.
Kenny? Kenny (from South Park), is that you!?
Rather than have it be her son Gumball, since that's who she's been trying to motivate this whole entire episode, this clip features her pleasuring who appears to be Darwin. Darwin, seen in the show as a goldfish with legs wearing green sneakers, but as a human character wearing an orange hoodie in this porn video, is the Watterson's adopted... something. Legally, as mentioned in the episode "The Genius", Darwin is only their "pet", but since he's such a integral part of the family, especially Gumball, he might as well be his brother. Regardless, I can't tell you how huge of a disappointment that revelation is; I mean, it's not like the greatest porn video I've seen, but it's probably going to be the only one of The Amazing World of Gumball at this decent a quality... but because it's Darwin instead of Gumball, I am actually heartbroken over this.
No, really, I'm serious. Imagine the last videogame you were actually hyped about but were disappointed when you got to play it (so mostly anything released in 2014, HEY-O!). Now, take that feeling and multiply it by like a thousand, since you know how it is with me and porn. Actually, a better example would be Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty: the game is good, and Raiden isn't bad, but you can't help but wish you were playing as Solid Snake. I mean, technically, it could make sense in the context of the actual episode since, if Gumball is out in the desert, he obviously can't have sex with his mom... but it also doesn't make sense since Darwin was already motivated to climb the ranks, thus making the "motivation" unnecessary. In my mind, this sex scene could easily take place after Gumball gets home as an alternate ending to the "paintball proposal": since Gumball still doesn't acquire the drive to "reach for the stars" even after beating everyone else, Nicole could've done this as the "final ensurance" to mold Gumball into the person she wants him to be... Because who the hell wouldn't want to have more sex!?
Women always be aroused by household appliance...
Anyway, ranting aside, I can't believe I typed up over 3000 words on The Amazing World of Gumball porn, but that's how I am with porn of series that I really like, and I really like these pieces because not only could they all kinda be canon, but the second and third entry provide enough context to place it exactly within the episode!
As always, thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy these as much as I do, and we'll get back to actual hentai next time around!
1:23 PM on 01.11.2015
"Now I face out, I hold out,
I reach out to the truth of my life,
Seeking to seize out the whole moment, yeah!"
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 has great music... but that's not what the game is best known for, at least in my opinion. No, Persona 3 and Persona 4 are mostly known for a couple of things, like its difficult gameplay, the school simulator, and its unique style and presentation. However, if there's one thing that stands out to me when it comes to these games, it has to be the characters themselves. From Chie's love of karate and meats to Yukiko's horrible attempts of making a dish that could actually be edible, there are a ton of likable people in the small town of Inaba, and they are the friendliest people since South Park, Colorado! Speaking strictly for Persona 4 for this blog because my favorite crew of Persona 3 deserves their own entry, I want to showcase a couple of doujinshi that has exemplifies how well these characters like each other by showing you how intimate they get with one another.
Yes, that means hentai, ya horny fuckers. :P
[DISCLAIMER: Like any adult website, proceed to the link provided at your own risk! Also, although there will be story spoilers for Persona 4, one of them is a character spoilers that pretty much everyone knows by now. However, in case you haven't heard it and desire to play the game, proceed with caution! The other, more significant spoiler, will happen at the very bottom, and will have another tag. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.]
Sorry, there's no real way to imitate a deep voice in text.
This particular doujinshi was recommended by fellow Dtoider EdgyDude!
The story starts out innocently enough: Rise catches up with Naoto as she's leaving school, and thus invites her to go to shopping at Junes. We also, for some reason, see a short conversation about a couple of guys spying on the girls, debating which of them is hotter, with one overly enthusiastic guy talking about how Naoto's appeal comes from her tomboy appearance. This is the only time they appear in the story, and they seem to serve no other reason than to explain that Naoto is a girl, which, as an adult manga, we're gonna find out anyway. Now, that is the spoiler that I mentioned earlier that I'm sure everyone is well aware of by now: Naoto is a girl. Shocking, right? However, the reason I gave the spoiler warning is because, if you haven't played the game before, they tried to deceive you by showing off Naoto as a boy, made even more evident by the fact that she wears pants instead of the skirts the other females wear. So, if you never knew, and you're playing the game for the first time, you might not have known until the actual reveal.
Unless your female radar is just that good.
Senpai's a lucky guy...
Anyway, back to the story: Naoto, curious about what Rise plans to buy, learns that she wants to get a really cute looking bra for Yu. Immediately afterwards, Rise has the idea that she should get one for Naoto as well: she remembers back to their time at the hot springs together that she has a very boring, very practical one, and that just won't do! However, as reserved as always, Naoto is flustered by the idea, thinking that getting a bra would be useless because she doesn't plan on letting anyone see it anyway. Not one to take "no" for an answer, Rise not only find a nice pair for Naoto to wear, she even drags her to the changing room to have her try it on. As Teddie (of course) stares at them, he could see Rise getting a little too handsy, telling Naoto that she needs to feel her up in order to get an accurate measurement for her bust. When she starts getting a little down south than Naoto would prefer, you start wondering if a little yuri (lesbians) will be happening...
NOPE! In what could only be determined as a tease, the story shifts to the boys, specifically Kanji, whose nose is just gushing with blood. Apparently, Teddie's been telling a story to the others, much to Kanji's embarassment. Flustered, he tries to avoid the topic, only to get roped into another: Yu Narukami (I believe the official name for the Persona 4 protagonist is), being Kanji's elder, then starts talking to him about condoms and how he should not only start carrying some, but also learn how to put them on. After bagging on Yosuke for a bit, we watch the boys have a quick laugh before learning that, at the very least, part of Teddie's story is true: we see Naoto walk home with a bag from Junes, as well as a reminder from Rise to wear it tommorow at school.
Not the best Scorpion impression. Also: under my umbrella-ella-ella...
The next day after class, we see Kanji staring out the window, obviously waiting for someone. However, Naoto surprises Kanji by appearing right before him, asking if he knows where Rise is. Kanji says she's out sick with a cold, much to Naoto's disappointment, then asks if she needed her for anything... but Naoto drops the subject, much to Kanji's disappointment, every bit as awkward as any other high school drama. Naoto then decides to walk home alone, only to find out that she forgot to pack an umbrella (which is weird, considering how vital knowing what the weather will be is in games). Not wanting to get wet, she starts running home with her book bag over head to use as a shield, because fuck whatever's in there, only to see that Kanji not only caught up to her, but that he also has an umbrella that they could share.
They both walk home under the umbrella for a bit, but soon they must part ways. However, since it is still raining, Kanji, in his own unique style, tells Naoto that she can stay at his place because he doesn't want her to walk home in this weather and get sick. She agrees to this idea and heads on over, finding out that Kanji's dad isn't home. She starts undressing, taking off her signature black jacket... but since she has on white clothes underneath, and we all know what happens when white clothes gets wet, we could see the frilly little bra underneath. We aren't the only ones though, as Kanji manages to sneak a peek before Naoto could cover herself, embarassed because she doesn't think it suits someone like her. Kanji tries to convince her that it does, but he ends up tripping over something and knocking her into his bed... because of course he does.
I'm sure this is gotta be the start of another hentai...
From there, things get a little steamier: being so close to each other, they both feel some sexual tension, and Kanji can better admire Naoto's body. Still insecure about the bra, Naoto still doesn't believe it looks good on her, but Kanji keeps telling her that it does. Funny enough, Naoto still doesn't believe so, and takes it off to give to Kanji because he likes it so much! However, Kanji turns it around by dropping a smooth line on her about how it looks good because Naoto is the one wearing it... before dropping a smooth line of his own (if you know what I mean...)!
Realistically enough, the first time isn't so wonderful: after Kanji covers himself with a condom, he pretty much finishes as soon as he starts, and he even decides to call it quits by redressing Naoto's shirt. However, Naoto decides she wants to keep going, and soon the two share some sweet, sentimental sex with one another, trying out all kinds of different positions. Different from all the other hentai mangas, instead of finishing it off with one big cum explosion, it just... ends, albeit with a kiss. Kinda like softcore porn.
Come on, sound it out, big boy.
Afterwards, Kanji walks Naoto home at night. Kanji apologizes for taking advantage of her, but Naoto puts him at ease by telling him that she wanted it as well. However, she wonders if they went too far with each other, as she isn't the type of person who could express herself properly. Kanji, though, reveals that that's fine, because that was the kind of person Kanji fell in love with. After he confess his feelings, he also confessed that he ran out of rubbers during their sex session, ending the sappy school sweethearts with a little bit of humor.
Overall, this was a pretty great doujinshi! While it doesn't satisfy the base urge we had that drives us to read or watch porn (where's the crazy cum drizzling or the pussy pounding!?), it's stuff that this that makes me want to read hentai mangas for hopefully a well written plot. It feels like something that could happen in real life, and it definitely feels like it would work in the context of the videogame. It stays pretty true to the characters, which as I said, is one of the main reasons people love the series.
Say it, don't spray it!
Now, here's a doujinshi that I myself recommend! While you could probably assume that Yu Narukami went for Rise in the one EdgyDude suggested, this one has him gunning for Naoto, arguably best waifu of Persona 4! After school one day, Naoto asks to meet with Rise to reveal that she and Yu are dating, much to Rise's disappointment! Rise jokes about how she wanted Yu for herself, but after seeing how cute and flustered Naoto is at the thought of her stealing him away, Rise calms her down. Better yet, Rise decides to help Naoto when she asks her for her fashion sense: since Naoto is always wearing the black jacket get-up, even on dates, she wonders if Yu is okay with it. Of course, being the charming fellow that he is, he says that it's fine... only to remark that it would be interesting to see her dressed up like a girl for once!
So, after teasing Naoto that she doesn't know how to be feminine, and that maybe she could wear something sexy that shows off her body, she takes her shopping, just like in the previous doujinshi. However, rather than just a frilly bra, we get treated to seeing Naoto in a girly outfit, complete with a blouse, jacket, and skirt! It's so cute to see her in that get-up, though she had a couple of other cute, chibi-like moments sprinkled through the comic.
I like to think Kanji actually heard that and said "Hey!" out loud.
As Rise and Naoto are walking home, Rise assures Naoto that the date will be fine. However, in a wistful tone, Rise wonders if there's anyone out there for her, even asking Naoto if she could introduce her to someone! Naoto, on the other hand, claims that she doesn't... but suggests that Rise should be going for Kanji since they seem to have that kind of chemistry together! Naturally, Rise is flustered and denies any sort of connection, even almost going as far as to reveal the true person of Kanji's affection... only to stop before actually saying who it is. Getting a bit gloomy because both Kanji and Yu want Naoto, in addition to Naoto winning that beauty paegant, Rise teases Naoto by pulling her cheeks in an endearing fashion.
I kinda like how these two doujinshi compliments each other when it comes to relationships, and how interesting the coincidence is: EdgyDude's recommendation shows what it would be like should Yu date Rise and Kanji date Naoto, whilst mine shows what happens should Yu date Naoto. It's kind of like an alternate universe from one another because of the whole love triangle thing they got going on, like a "what if" scenario. It's also technically unnecessary since it's never brought up again (though this might've been a series) but still appreciated nonetheless!
*Cue sitcom "ooh!"*
Alright, onto the date! While Naoto doesn't wear the outfit she wore back at the store (which is a lot more cuter in my opinion), she does have a schoolgirl outfit's on. Anyway, this scene takes place at Yu's house, and it starts with how Naoto feels nervous being in his room. She then starts wondering how empty it's going to feel since, if you played the game, you know that Yu is only staying in Inaba for the rest of the school year. However, Yu assures her that he will be back to see his friends (which he does in the canonical fighting-game sequel Arena and Ultimax), but especially her, giving her a pat on the head and a tussle of her hair before a kiss. Revealing that his uncle and Nanako won't be back for a while, they decide that this is the perfect moment to share a tender loving moment with one another. The sex scene is rather short and sweet, even less than half the book if not a quarter, though it does end with the "cum explosion" I mentioned earlier... though more like a cherry bomb than a nuke.
Then, as Yu walks Naoto home (man, such fine gentlemen, these two boys are!), he sees that Naoto is walking funny due to their time together. Joking that Yu is more ferocious than a Shadow when he's aroused, Yu only smiles a chagrin smile... only to state that the next time they do it, it'll be at her place!
Overally, I like this doujinshi because, once again, it does feel like such a natural part of the story that it could easily be canon: they even establish some past events so you can figure out when it's supposed to happen. I also really like the art style of this book: it feels a little like Sailor Moon only not as overdone, and the cute moments feels distinctively Japanese.
[The Velvet Prostitutes]
She wanna l-l-l-l-l-l-l-lick me like a lollipop... Dammit, it's stuck in my head!
As an extra, because these are really too short to talk about in length, I got two more doujinshi that I don't recommend, but thought I should talk about anyway. First of all, let's start with The Velvet Prostitutes, which is essentially some horny guy wanting to have sex with Marie. Now, I never played Persona 4: Golden, and even though she appears in Persona Q, there isn't many scenes with her, so I have no idea who she is and what she's like. However, this story depicts her as this seemingly unwilling prostitute: unlike other hentai mangas, not only does she NOT like the sex, even eventually, she seriously just wants to get it over with. Honestly, this story is just a collection of various sex scenes, but I found it interesting because of her attitude; plus, The Velvet Room sounds like it could be a brothel... and also a fancy French restaurant.
Eventually, the guy hires Elizabeth to join them, and as you might expect, she's more into it than Marie due to her curiosity and personality. She even offers the man a "Muscle Drink" (woot, bringing in items!) to increase his stamina and prolong the session, much to Marie's reluctance. Like I said, there isn't much to say in terms of story, and it ends abrupty, but in case you like Marie or have weirdly specific fetishes like armpit sex, thigh sex, ejaculating in a sock or hat and making her wear it, then this is for you. Ya horny fuckers.
[DISCLAIMER: This brief section COULD contain MASSIVE spoilers for Persona 4. To avoid wandering eyes, I will try to be as elusive as possible in case you want to read it anyway, but the link WILL spoil it.]
[Vanishing into the Night]
Come on, do the bad guys EVER keep their promises?
This story, if you wanna call it that because of how light it is, starts hardcore and escalades from there: Chie wakes up and sees the serial killer of Persona 4. However, the villain not only taunts Chie for falling asleep while in the Shadow Realm, but he has already captured her female friends and has been using them as their sex toys. He then tells Chie that her boyfriend, Yu, has been defeated by Shadows and is being beaten to death... unless Chie gives in. Honestly, this doujinshi is just sexy fluff: if you have a fetish for mindbreaking, ahegao-inducing tentacle rape impregnation with the female party members, then this is for you. Why did I want to talk about it then? Because I like the cliffhanger ending.
Glum because his friends have disappeared, Yu is feeling depressed. However, one night during the Midnight Channel, Yu sees through the television not only the serial killer's face, but also what happened to his friends. The serial killer than offer something of a conundrum: like in the videogame, he's going to change the world by spreading the effects of the fog throughout the planet... but to stop him, the killer will be waiting at a location SEPARATE from Yu's friends, so he has to make a choice: will he save his friends, or save the world?
Which one would you pick? As if I didn't know the answer. Ya horny fuckers.
[END POTENTIAL SPOILERS]
So, did you enjoy this blog? Hopefully you guys found it rather amusing! If there's any suggestions, definitely let me know! As always, you can check out older Videogame Doujinshi blogs with the links to your right! I don't know how often I'll do a hentai blog, videogame or original, but I'll try to do it... maybe once a week? We'll have to see! Anyway, you got a couple of ones you'd like to talk about? Don't be afraid to blog them yourself! Got a series you'd be interested in seeing porn of? Let me know below! I'll try to fit it in!
Yeah, sexual innuendo intended.
...Ya horny fuckers.
1:25 PM on 01.08.2015
"Popo, wake up."
"Huh?" I snap my eyes open upon having my body softly shaken, my heart beating so hard that it threatens to burst out of my chest. "Are we- are we under attack? Did they find out where we are?" I frantically question my sister Nana as she tries to calm me down. Once I realize that we're in no immediate danger, she responds with a shake of her head.
"No, we're still hidden away... for now, at least," she answers with a depressing tone not because she's not grateful, but because she understands that that could change at any given moment. As we huddle close together in a dark room, we could hear the rummaging of the vicious group of enemies we're hiding from. I could tell Nana is afraid she spoke too soon, if at all.
"..." our rapidly thumping hearts are the only thing in the room making a sound, but as we saw our friends get taken away earlier, its impossible to keep it still. With the sounds getting closer and closer, we hold each other tightly, and our breaths become still when the sounds stop. Eventually, the sounds resume before fading away, allowing us to assume that they passed us.
"Whew, that was close," I sigh in relief as soon as I am sure that we aren't going to get discovered quite yet. However, it does little to ease my sister's worries, as made evident by the way she only fakes a smile before frowning. Truth be told, I have trouble convincing myself: I don't have a mirror, but I could tell I might not have fooled myself either.
How did it come to this? I think it over and over to myself as we sit in darkness.
"Look, sis! It's beautiful!" I excitedly exclaim as I motivate my sister up the mountain, being the first to make it to the summit. Leaning back to offer her a hand, I lift her up so she could see the view as well. With widened eyes and an open mouth, I could tell Nana appreciates that the destination was worth the journey up here.
"It is..." she finally says after a while, though the look on her face makes that thought quite clear. As we gaze up what seems to be an endless horizon, we decide to take a break with one another, perhaps a little tired from climbing so much. I'm smaller than my sister, since she is the oldest, so she let me lean on her arm to support my body.
It's a bit embarrassing to be so close to my sister, but at her insistence, I suppose it couldn't hurt to make her happy. As I rest my head on her, I could feel my eyes getting a bit heavy: did the trek take more out of me than I realize, or is this position just so comfortable? Closing my lids, I could definitely nod off, but then something happens that could be considered an eye-opener.
Off to the distance, we could see that, apparently, we aren't the only ones up here. Further away, my sister and I watch as two figures, one a bi-pedal creature and the other a tiny man in a mask, stare at the sky as a giant spaceship appearing to crash into them. However, while it's instinctive to run the other way, these two brave heroes decides to jump onboard as though to steer it away.
But it's impossible for them to redirect it in time, and once it hits the other mountain does it redirect towards us! With a fright, I immediately jump up and run the other way, my sister right behind me. Unforunately, no matter how fast we are, there's no way we could outrun a ship at ramming speed, and the impact blows us off the mountain.
"Ugh..." I groan as I land on my back, which is aching so much that it cramps whenever I try to move it. "Nana, are you okay?" I call out of her as I lift up to my knee, struggling to get myself upright. "Nana? Are you there?" I start to get a little worried, hoping that she responds soon before my over-active imagination starts giving me possible outcomes I really don't want to know.
"Y-Yeah, I'm fine," I could hear my sister a little bit away. She doesn't seem like she's completely unharmed as she rubs her chest. It's clear which side of herself she landed on, and I'm sure those things don't exactly double as airbags.
Thankfully, we both land close to one another, and we don't seem to be suffering from anything severe, judging by the way we are both able to pick ourselves up. However, as soon as we hear approaching footsteps do my sister quickly become protective. Not knowing who's coming close as the smoke from the debris dampers visibility, Nana picks up her wooden mallet and readies it.
"Stay back," it isn't clear if she's talking to me or the people arriving onto the scene, but what is clear is that she will protect me if necessary. I just hope it isn't.
"Hey, are you guys alright?" we could hear someone ask us. Neither of us responds, instead opting to stay silent, but apparently this person isn't alone as we could hear the footsteps of others. "That was quite a scene, isn't it?" a man wearing a red shirt and matching red hat comes out with his arms up, and no sooner could we see him do we recognize who he is.
"Oh my gosh, it's Red!" Nana lowers her guard upon seeing the legendary Pokemon Trainer, who tips his hat forward with a nod. "Oh, and there's Marth, Ike, and Lucas as well!" Nana calls out as the rest of Red's group arrives on scene in the order she lists them in. "Are you guys in the Super Smash Brothers tournament too?" she couldn't help but wonder if they're competiting.
"I'm afraid things are a little more serious than that," Red continues to speak for the group, especially since Marth doesn't appear to be able to speak a lick of English. However, each of them agree that there's something much more dangerous going on. "Look out!" he points up into the air, figuring that it's much easier to see what's happening than to explain it.
From the side of the mountain, we could see these weird, purple, bug-like creatures creeping at us before deciding to leap out of their hiding spot. They quickly surround us, leaving a sense of dread as they attempt to corner us. Scary enough, some of the bugs get together to form some kind of foe, as though they need to be something big to threaten us.
"Marth, Ike, cover their approach!" Red gives out the order, apparently really accustomed to doing so. With a nod of their heads, the duo unsheath their blades and ready themselves for combat. "Lucas, stick with me and use your PK powers to keep the ones on the mountain at bay," Red sees Lucas nod his head before using it to dish out the damage.
"Squirtle, I choose you!" Red calls upon his Pokemon to help by tossing a red-and-white ball into the ground, propping it open for the pocket monster inside to help out. "Squirtle, use Water Guns and Bubblebeams to help Lucas!" he points to the side Lucas would be unable to cover by himself, and the tiny turtle nods its head and does what he is told.
With a slash of their swords, Ike and Marth team up to defend the frontlines from the monsters coming from the way they came while Lucas tries to snipe them out of the sky with his telekinetic powers. Thinking that they'll need more firepower, literally, Red opts to send out not only his Ivysaur to Vine Whip the creatures away, but also a Charizard to burn them back.
"We should help out, too!" Nana mimics what's going through my mind as well, so we both pick up our mallets to squish any of those "bugs" that come close. With a tight formation in this narrow mountain path, we could hold off for a while. With Red calling the shots, and everyone being so powerful, we take down dozens, if not hundreds, of these... "Shadow Bugs" that these people are calling them.
It is fun at first to work together like a team like this, but with so many of these things, they could easily overwhelm us with numbers alone. Eventually, they start to wear us down: Marth and Ike could swing their swords only so many times before their equipment, if not arms, break; Lucas looks like he's getting headaches from the over-use of powers; and Red's team looks like they're running out of Power Points.
"Agh!" we could hear Ike scream out as the dozens of bugs starts to overwhelm him, and when Marth tries to shake them off his buddy does he leave himself open to the swarm. Within seconds, both of them are consumed by the purple creatures, and it sends a chill down our spines as they reach out for help. Unforunately, we could all use a bit of rescuing ourselves.
"There's too many of them!" Red calls this a losing battle as Lucas is the next to be taken down after being rendered mentally tired. As he backs away, he figures that there's only one thing left to do. "Squirtle, Ivysaur, Charizard..." he calls out to the remaining members of his team, "Clear us a path! Hydro Pump, Solar Beam, Fire Blast!"
Though the domesticated monsters are clearly tired, they acknowledge their master's orders and give the enemies one last finale: using their strongest attacks in tandem, they unleash a blast so super effective that they save their remaining teammates by cutting a hole through the enemy's offenses. A great deal of the Shadow Bugs are annihilated, and the end of the battle is in sight, but there's still enough of them around that they could still win.
"You two, get out of here!" Red calls out to us specifically, much to our surprise.
"No, we're can't leave you with these... things!" I shout back worringly. I don't know what these Shadow Bugs want from these guys, nor what they'll do if they take our comrades away, but Red isn't having it.
"Don't worry about us! Just get out of here!" Red frantically replies as Charizard and Ivysaur are the next to be taken down. With his trusty Squirtle the only one left in the fight, Red couldn't abandon his best friend: even though the fight is clearly lost, Red is determined to stay with his buddy until the very end.
"Popo, don't let their sacrifice be in vain!" Nana snaps me back from seeing Red being devoured by the swarm of Shadows. As reluctant as I am, I nod my head and follow her out as soon as the army of bugs starts roaming our way. "Quick, we need to find a place to hide!" Nana looks around for anything we could squeeze ourselves into, and no sooner than she says that does she spot a small crevice. "In here!" she shouts for me to go first.
"Nana, follow my lead!" I yell as soon I enter the tiny opening, my sister quickly following suit. I immediately turn around and use my hands to form blocks of ice. "Cover the opening!" I plant a block of ice one after another to plug up the hole, and my sister repeats everything I do. With enough blocks in place, we then sealed up the cracks with the icy breeze, buying us time to find another spot.
"We can't stay here! They'll break through eventually!" Nana states the obvious, but there's nowhere else to go. Fearfully, we start looking around for ideas, but even though beggars can't be choosers, that doesn't mean her idea's a good one. "Here, let's get on the ship!" Nana sees the door to the crashed vessel, pries it open, and tells me to get in.
"...Is that such a good idea?" I question, clearly skeptical, but with the sound of cracking ice echoing through this tiny area, I don't dwell on it. I jump inside and she shuts the door before locking it, unlike the last employee to come through that entrance.
"There!" Nana makes sure it's secure before we move on. Satisfied that they won't be coming from that door, she goes over of the room to open that one... only to find it locked from the other side. "No, this can't be happening," she whispers to herself, but within the small confines of the room, I could hear her all too clearly.
"..." I don't know what to say: if we go out the way we came, we'll be overrun by those Shadow Bugs, but chances are, whoever's going to open the other door isn't going to be a friendly. With that realizing sinking into the both of us, we could only sit in silence, awaiting our fate.
"...Popo?" Nana is the one to break the silence, her voice quiet not because she's concerned with any potential enemies outside. "If we don't make it out of here..."
"We will," I try to convince her that we'll get through this.
"But if we don't-" she seems insistent on riding this train of thought.
"We will," I interrupt her.
"Popo, listen to me!" she pleads as she approaches, making sure that I understand that she has something serious she has to say by turning me around to glance a look into her eyes. "If we don't make it out of here... I want you to know... I-I want you to know..." she keeps trying to find the words, but it doesn't sound like it's coming out...
Until she swallows all her anxiety, in fear of never getting to say what she wants to say.
"...That I love you," she finally gets it out, and a blush sweeps across her face.
"...I know that," I don't exactly understand what is so hard about saying that to a sibling, nor why it would cause any sort of embarassment, or why she groans in frustration to my response. "I love you, too-" I casually begin to say, but she thinks it's better to show, not tell.
She kisses me on the lips, which I can quite clearly see, considering I didn't shut my eyes like she does. At first, I think this is a joke, albeit one taken a bit too far... but she leans in closer, planting her chest across mine, I slowly, but surely, start to come into the realization that she's serious.
As precarious as the situation is, I couldn't help but get the impression that she isn't doing this because she doesn't want to die alone. As I think back to our time together, I always wondered: why did she want me to come on the dangerous mission with her? Why would she turn down an invitation to a combat tournament unless I was fighting alongside her? And why did she insist that we went to the summit of the mountain alone?
And now... now I know.
As she stops kissing me to take in a breath of air, I could see a string of shared saliva connecting our lips together.
"It's... hot in here," she says as her face turns bright red, and she starts to undress herself by zipping down the hoodie she's wearing. Like the color of her pink parka, she's wearing a pair of pink underwear, and she eventually removes her jacket to give me a better look. "Are you... feeling hot, too?" she asks me, but I'm too speechless to answer, nor object as she removes my clothes.
Maybe I love my sister more than I thought.
"..." I flash my sister a smile as we both decide to get dressed, wiping the dirt off our jackets before putting them back on. As she smiles in return, we both know that, if we get out of this alive, it's definitely something we're going to be bringing up once again.
With a banging at the door, however, we hurry up and finish slipping into our clothes. With our matching jackets on, we pick up our weapons, not intending to go down without a fight. Our hearts may be beating from the adrenaline, but it isn't fear that courses through our veins: we might accept what comes next, but we are determined not to go down quietly.
Eventually, we hear the tumblers of the door that's locked from the other side starts to unlock, and we grip our mallets tightly. We couldn't see who's opening the door at first, the dim hallway lights are still too bright for our eyes to adjust immediately. When we could, however, we let down our guard, but not because we are faced with an enemy we couldn't stand to defeat.
"Kept you waiting, huh?" a man in a tight body suit smirks upon sprouting that line. I instantly recognize his voice, which is so iconic in its gruff and gravelly tone that it should never be replaced.
"Snake?" I widen my eyes in surprise, clearly not believing who our savior is. "Snake?" I have to ask once again, and no sooner does he nod his head do I jump out and hug him with open arms. "Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!" I damn near tip him over with my body when I lunge at him, but the man is able to hold his ground.
"Easy, there, Popo," Nana pulls me back down, literally, as she grabs the back of my jacket. She might think I'm overreacting, but I couldn't help myself, seeing as how this man is the winter soldier of the Shadow Moses incident. I don't care how the media portrays him, I knew deep down that he is a hero in my heart.
Out of the room, we could see that Snake isn't alone: standing besides us, upon closer inspection, the two figures we saw in the mountains earlier. Now that we can recognize them, they are the fighting Pokemon Lucario and the masked character Meta Knight. Behind them, however, are tons of other characters set to competite in the Super Smash Brothers tournament.
"How did you guys know where to find us?" Nana is curious to know how they are able to track us in this ship, considering Snake didn't pull out his iconic SOCOM pistol to shoot us in the face like he would've anything else in enemy territory.
"You can thank Lucario," Snake points to the Pokemon, who nods his head to acknowledge the appreciation. "He sensed that there were two figures in that room that might be friendly," Snake might not understand how Lucario is able to do that, but Lucario isn't the only one to receive credit. "I was skeptical at first, until someone else was able to vouch for you guys," Snake then turns his head, and in that direction comes another man.
"Red!" Nana calls him by his name and not the color of his hat. "I'm so glad to see you guys are alright!" Nana smiles upon seeing the rest of his team step forward from the crowd. "How did you guys manage to get out of that?" Nana recalls how bad the situation has gotten when we were there, but apparently, Red has an answer for that.
"You can thank Mario and his crew," Red tips his red hat towards the bearer of the other, as the mustached man comes out in his iconic blue overalls, and not in that gaudy doctor get-up. "They arrived as the Shadow Bugs were taking us away, and saved us," Red couldn't thank the fat plumber enough, as who knows what would've happened.
"Is Ike okay?" I couldn't help but ask as I spot Ike being somewhat sullen.
"Huh? Oh, him? He's fine," Red doesn't sound like he's dismissing the warrior, but he doesn't sound overly concered either. "He said something along of the lines that he's too weak, and wants to get stronger and build muscle or something," Red explains why we shouldn't worry about it, as the motivation to get stronger will surely help him out in the future.
"Speaking of getting stronger, we got a nice little group here," Snake, having plenty of combat experience, becomes something of the de facto leader of this ragtag group. "If we're going to save this world, we're going to need everyone to work together to take down Bowser and Ganondorf! Who's with me!?" Snake sure knows how to motivate us, as everyone gets swept away in the moment and cheers to loudly that the whole enemy ship could hear us!
But maybe that's not as bad now.
Travelling through the ship, we eventually get to a place where hundreds of these Shadow Bug enemies are stationed, ready for deployment of the world invasion. Figuring that we'll stop as many of them as we can here, Snake orders everyone to start attacking, and the small battalion rush out into the field. Seeing everyone working together in this alliance is quite possibly the coolest thing ever, but there's no one else I'd rather fight alongside with than my sister.
"You ready, Nana?" I ask before we dive in head first.
"I am always ready... as long as you're with me," Nana smiles as she holds my hand in hers.
"Then let's get ready for the greatest battle of our lives!" I exclaim loudly.
"...Tag me in," Nana only replies before we jump into the fight.
"P-P-!" I hear a female voice call out to me.
"P-P-!" I hear once more. Strange... even though I'm still half-asleep, it doesn't sound like she's saying "Popo"...
"PAPA, WAKE UP!" I awake to see a little girl screaming into my face instead of thankfully my ear, but in her excitement, she decides to slap me across the face. Even with those tiny hands covered in those tiny pair of mittens, she clearly has her mother's strength.
"I'm up, I'm up," I throw my hands up as though surrendering to her might, much to her giggling smile. "Hey there, Napo," I give her a hug before carrying the tiny girl in my arms as I pick myself off the sofa I've been sleeping on in the living room. "Where's mommy?" I look around but I don't see her, so I decide to ask.
"Mama's carrying in the groceries," Napo points to the open front door since that is presumably all the little girl could do to help her mother. "She says she's going to make her eggplant parmesan for dinner tonight!" Napo is really looking forward to eating it, but she isn't the only one.
"She is? That's great!" I could feel my mouth starting to drool, but I try not to let it overflow and spill onto my daughter's face. As I approach the front door to see if the wife needs any help, she immediately walks through the front door carrying a paper bag full of food. "Hey, Nana, how's it going?" I want to inquire about her day.
"Could've been better," she answers back with a tired smile before turning it into a genuine one, "But I can't complain." She kisses me on the lips real quick before heading into the kitchen to set the supplies down. Before closing the front door, I notice that there's an envelope on the floor, and I decide to set Napo down so I could pick it up and take it inside.
"What's that?" Nana wonders what it could be, walking towards me to find out, careful not to bump into the energetic little girl as she zips by.
"Looks like a letter," I shrug before pulling the red wax seal off and taking the piece of paper out of read. "Dear Ice Climbers," I say aloud with fanfare, "For being combatants of previous Super Smash Brothers tournaments, and for your valiant contributions during Operation: Subspace Emissary, we are proud to invite the two of you to the next Super Smash Brothers tournament! Please respond to us at your earlier convenience!"
"...Couldn't you have read it normally?" Nana might be saying that like she wants me to act normal, but I know she finds my goofiness amusing. "Anyway... what do you think?" Nana couldn't help but ask me my thoughts on the matter.
"...I think we have our own fight to take care of," I reply as soon as I lay eyes on my daughter, and Nana seems to agree, so I neatly fold the letter and slide it back into the envelope, intending to respectfully decline the offer. "Maybe next time," I could tell we are both disappointed to miss out, but we know it's for the better, "Please understand."
"It sure would've been nice to see our old friends again," Nana wistfully reminiscent how much fun we had despite the life-or-death scenario we were placed in. Then again, once we joined up with everyone else, we had one of the coolest battles ever, and one of the best parties too.
"I'm sure there's no big adventure going down anyway," I try my best to let ourselves down easy, though I feel a little disappointed not being able to attend after hearing Goddess Palutena was entering as well... but I wouldn't dare tell Nana that.
"Daddy, carry me!" Napo cheerfully asks, as though all the running around she did tuckered her out. She reaches her arms at me to make it easier to handle her, and I pick her up by her tiny waist, swinging her around. "You know my birthday's coming up soon," she reminds me after clawing me in with her cuteness, her devious plan all along.
"I know," I chagrin a smile as Nana strokes her daughter's hair. "What would you like mommy and daddy to get you as a present?" I know that that has to be what's on her mind... but I certainly do not expect what her answer would've been.
"A baby brother!" she exclaims loudly, inciting a blush across my face. Napo may not know what such a deed entails to, judging by her innocent smile... but the thoughts in me and Nana's heads aren't so innocent, as evident by the way we both blush towards one another. "Can I have one, please?" she feels like a sweet smile is going to win us over.
"...Well, can she?" I couldn't contain a smile of my own from perking up as I direct the decision to the one who's going to be bearing it.
"...We'll see," Nana couldn't stop smiling either, and all three of us are looking so goofy that even a professional photographer couldn't take a picture with a straight face. "We could get started tonight, if you like..." Nana teases me for what's to come.
"Could I help?" Napo eagerly wants to assist if it means getting a sibling faster.
"..." Nana and me could only stare at each other with our jaws hanging, Napo cocking her head to the side as she wonders what the problem is. "Ask your mother," I say it as a joke to break the awkward atmosphere, inadvertently making it worse. Napo responds with a pout of her lips... but she isn't the only one as Nana slaps me on the arm.
"Ow," I say instinctively. It doesn't actually hurt, as Nana could tell I was joking by the way she smirks. "Alright, Napo, go play or watch TV or something," I set Napo down as she giggles: she might not understood the joke, but anytime she sees daddy gets hit does she laugh.
"A brother, huh?" Nana repeats the object of her daughter's desires in a very wistful tone. "Out of all the things she asked for..." she trails her voice as though wanting to see if I'll inquire the rest of it.
"What?" I couldn't help but play into her hands.
"I can't believe she wanted the same thing I asked our mom for!" Nana kisses me on the cheek.
1:42 PM on 01.07.2015
"POPO, WAKE UP!"
I immediately open my eyes as soon as someone shakes my shoulders, but that doesn't stop her from slapping me across my face. Turning the other cheek not out of forgiveness, but because of the momentum of her hand, I quickly snap back to face the aggressor.
"What?" I do my best not to raise my voice, however deserving of it she is. I start rubbing my cheek to ease the stinging, as though my mitten is a magic healing wand.
"Come on, we're going to be late!" Nana seems so giddy that not only does she not see the harm in what she did, but she also couldn't keep still, as evident by the way she rapidly jitters in place.
"Did you get any sleep at all?" I couldn't help but ask, deciding to drop any chances for an apology when it seems like one isn't coming.
"No, and honestly, I don't know how you could!" Nana is blinding me with her smile as she grins so widely that I would think she's interrogating me with those pearly whites. "Can you believe we're competiting in the Super Smash Brothers tournament!? I mean, do you remember how the last one turned out? It was utter madness!" Nana sounds so much like a child, despite being the older of us.
Truth be told, I couldn't disagree with her: after turning down the invitation to join the first ever fighting foray and having caught it on TV, I always wondered if Nana regrets her decision. If she did, she didn't show it... least, not around me. After all, I was the reason she didn't attend the original.
That's why, when we not only received an invite for the second competition, but a way for both of us to fight side-by-side, she couldn't say "yes" fast enough. I swear, she practically jumped over the table to sign on the dotted line. I recall it quite clearly: she used my face as a springboard.
"Yeah, I do remember... which is why I was taking a nap," I lean back on my chair, since the bed is claimed by my sister, and pull my hood over my face. "It was just constant, frantic fighting, so I wanna get as much rest as I can before we have to head out," I reason, and she seems pretty accepting of it, so I just close my eyes... but there was a reason she woke me up the first time.
"Well, I hope you got enough, because we're up next," she uses her hand to lightly lift up the rim of my hood and poke her nose into my view. She then teases me by pulling the hood down a bit too hard, almost as though she was giving me a wedgie for my head.
"..." I almost groan. I should be annoyed, but as I watch her walk out the door, yet keep it open for me to travel through, I couldn't help but smile. She better not slam it in my face, I think to myself as I pick myself up off the seat to accept her offer.
"..." I rub my still-stinging nose as I stand next to my sister at the entrance to the arena. She turns to smile at me as she sees the result of her prank, but she appears unapologetic. The smirk on her face suddenly become a huge grin as soon as the lights turn off and the spotlight turns on.
"Ladies... and... gentlemen!" the announcer's deep and booming voice echoes throughout the stadium in tandem of the cheering crowd. I don't know whether its the giddyness or the aftershocks of the man's tremble, but Nana's body is shaking in excitement.
"We are pleased to announce the second ever... Super... Smash... Brothers... tournament!" the man sure is taking his sweet time drawing out a simple sentence, but everyone appears to be eating it up. Still, if I knew he was going to drag this out, I could've caught some extra sleep.
"Today's match will be set in the Pokemon Stadium!" the announcer must be telling it to the broadcast audience as everyone here could plainly see the Pokeball symbol painted in the middle of the green mat. "As before, the fights will be between four combatants, with various items thrown in. The person is eliminated when they are knocked out of the arena and are not able to return."
"Now then, let's introduce our competitors!" the crowd roars loudly, prompting me to cover my ears not because their voices are deafening from here, but because Nana is joining in despite being in a tunnel that echoes. "First up is one of the fighters from the first tournament: the pink puffball that was in the start of it all, give it up for Kirby!" the announcer signals the arrival of the aforementioned.
"Ah, he's so cute!" Nana couldn't resist giving into her girlish whims when she sees Kirby take the stage, waving at the crowd with a high-pitched "hi!" after crash-landing in on a flying star.
"Next on the list is another veteran: the hero of Hyrule, please give it up for Link!" the announcer points to a young man in a green tunic walking into the stage. He has a sword and shield on his back, ready to whip out when the battle starts. Silently, he only nods the crowd's cheering.
"Not as cute as him though..." I swear I could hear Nana swooning over the Hyrulian, but before I could even think of a question does she act all flustered. "B-But neither of them are as cute as you, baby brother!" she suddenly feels the need to pinch my cheeks, prompting me to push her playfully.
"New to the fighting scene is the medicinal murderer, who could hurt you just as much as he can heal you, please welcome Dr. Mario!" the announcer alerts everyone that the man in the white coat isn't the medic in case someone gets too injured, but rather someone dishing out the damage.
"What? New, my foot, that's just Mario in a costume!" I couldn't help but exclaim loudly, baffled how no one could recognize his face when it doesn't even have a pair of glasses across them. "What's next, he's going put on a tie-dye T-shirt? Or leather straps over his head and a sock over his hand?" I joke about the various other get-ups he would pretend to be a different person in.
"Last, but certainly not least," the announce is obviously referring to the fact that there's two of us, signaling that it's our time to arrive. "The pair of the peak, the siblings of the summit, let's give a warm welcome to the Ice Climbers!" he tells everyone of the nickname the village gave us, and no sooner do we step out of the tunnel do the crowd cheers for us. Nana is certainly enjoying the limelight as she blows kisses to the crowd, while I myself merely take it all in.
"Now, before we begin, we must explain how the Ice Climbers will compete," the announcer feels the need to clarify our unique situation once we approach the others.
"Popo and Nana will be fighting together, side-by-side, as a tag-team, as agreed with the other fighters. However, there are certain conditions associated as to how they are eliminated: if Nana, the stronger of the two, is knocked out of the ring, Popo is allowed to fight by himself. On the other hand, if Popo is knocked out of bounds, then both competitors are considered eliminated. This rule is made in place to ensure fairness of the duo, as other fighters need only target Popo, who is the weak link that doesn't pose a threat solo."
"..." I, uh, don't know how exactly am I suppose to handle hearing that, and it doesn't help that Nana is patting me on the back as though to seemingly patronize me.
"Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you," she assures me, and I believe her.
"Alright, if everyone is ready, then let's get smashing!" the announcer makes such a horrible pun that I wish he is in the ring with us, but I decide to direct that energy towards someone else. With a tap on my shoulder, Nana points to our first opposition being Dr. Mario, and with an exchange of nods, we await for the signal. "Go!" the announcer yells with the crowd.
We immediately rush to Dr. Mario, allowing Link to handle Kirby. As I snicker at Link's futile attempts to deflate the pink puffball as it hovers around him looking for an opening, I swing my wooden mallet at the doctor in hopes of getting a hit. He dodges to the side, and when Nana tries to mimic my attack does the doctor flip away.
"..." I stand there dumbfounded because I don't understand why Dr. Mario would pull out a two-color pill the same size of his oversized fist out of his coat, much less how one is supposed to swallow that. "What are you going to do? Hurt me with medicine?" I joke, but no sooner than that quip leaves my lips does he chuck that thing so hard at my knee that I drop to the ground.
"Ow!" I grab my leg as I tumble to the floor, rolling and writhing in pain. I should've expected an arm from someone who plays more sports than anyone else in the world. "Wh-What are you going to do with that?" I ask fearfully as I look up and see him holding another giant pill: whether he's planning to shove it down my throat, or shove it up my suppository, I really don't want to know.
"NO!" Nana makes her way towards me at full sprint, using the momentum of her speed to further aid in her assault. "He's prescription... only!" Nana spins around and whacks the mad doctor in the face with her mallet, the adrenaline in her body being fueled by the fear of malpractice. With a look of shock and awe, the doctor flies off into the distance, clearly not going to return.
"K.O.!" the announcer exclaims loudly, prompting the crowd to voice their satisfaction of the spectacle.
"Whew, are you okay?" Nana seemingly ignores everything to make sure I'm alright, because of course she has to ask, the worrywart... though I did get hit in the knee pretty damn hard.
"Yeah, just fine, thanks," she offers a hand to help me up to my feet, my knee threatening to buckle under the pressure. She appears to be thankful, as evident as a sigh of relief, but our troubles doesn't end there.
"L-Look out!" my eyes widen, but they don't reach the lengths of the pink puffball behind my sister. The moment she turns around and see Kirby opening its gaping mouth, it is already too late: Kirby starts inhaling her in, and despite her attempts to claw on the ground with her mittens, she gets sucked in in seconds flat.
"Aahh!" I could only yell out after being taken by surprise, like a deer in the headlights. Without a second thought, I immediately grip my mallet and start beating the stuffing out of the pink plushie-looking thing before he digests her and she comes out the other end. "Spit-her-out! Spit-her-out-right-now! No-one-eats-my-sister!" I inadvertantly time each impact with each word I shout.
"..." Kirby might as well be a squishy toy used for anger management, judging by the way it deflates and reinflates after every hit. After being squashed so many times in such a short period of time, Kirby finally spits out my sister like a foul-tasting piece of candy. Not expecting how fast she'll come out, Nana crashes into me on her way back, knocking me over. With no energy left to fight, Kirby spins around in a dizzy daze before becoming unconscious.
"Sis!" I give her a hug, only to quickly regret that course of action once I realize how dirty she is. "Ew..." I voice my disgust as I slowly pull my arms back not because of dramatic timing, but because she's a little slimy and my jacket is sticking to hers. "You're so wet, and lying on top of me," I inadvertently incite a blush across her face, and she quickly gets off of me in embarrassment.
"Ow, what was that for?" Nana hits me on the arm once she recovers from the awkwardness. Was it because of something I said? I don't see the harm in that innocent comment.
"For hitting me!" Nana clarifies the cause of the contempt, but she needs to explain herself as I don't recall doing so. "What makes you think smashing Kirby with a mallet when I'm inside him a good idea!?" Nana wonders what was going through my mind when it happened.
"It... seemed like the smart thing to do at the time," I could only shrug my shoulder. In hindsight, perhaps it was stupid to think that, but luckily, the conversation quickly shifts to something else.
"Aahh!" a girl-ish scream echoes pass us as we follow the source of the sound: apparently, that pink shooting star is Kirby flying off the stage. In tandem, me and my sister turn to see Link's sword shine in the spotlight as the crowd cheers the Hyrulian for his knock out. Not content with being in second, Link immediately jumps in the air and tries to bonk us on the back with his blade.
"Nana, move!" I push my sister out of the way upon realizing she's in the way, taking the full brunt of the hit. Stunned by impact, I couldn't do anything as Link slashes me off the stage, knowing that only I would need eliminated for him to win. And it looks like he just might, considering how far I'm flying away, the audience gasping in anticipation.
"Popo!" she calls out to me, but instead of attacking Link from behind, she brushes past him and runs to the edge. Then, in a move no one expects, she immediately jumps off the arena and skydives towards me, hoping she'll catch up.
"Nana, what are you doing?" I couldn't help but wonder, but she doesn't say a word. Instead, she opts to have her actions explain her thoughts: as soon as she grabs my matching jacket, she rummages around her waist to find a rope, then attaches it to my body. As soon as it securely latches, she then uses her arm to throw me back into the edge of the arena, her body lagging slightly. I manage to make it back, but Link is relentless.
Still as silent as ever, Link only raises his foot, ready to stomp on my fingers instead of hoping that my hand will slip due to the mittens, or Nana drags me down below. In a moment of quick-thinking, I immediately move the hand off the edge before his foot lands, then aim the palm of it at the Hyrulian. Within seconds, a cold, freezing gust filled with ice shards emits from my fingers, forcing Link to use his hand, then his shield, to protect himself.
"Smart move, Popo!" Nana shouts a praise as she zips up the rope and jumps in position. Seeing that Link can't see past his shield, not wanting to rish having a shard of ice in his eyes, Nana quickly turns around and offers a hand to help. "Tag me in!" she tells me, and as soon as my hand touches her does she lift me up and turns towards the tunic.
With Link's shield made of metal, it is clear that our abilities to freeze things would be as useless as it was when we were living in a snowy mountain village. Our mallets aren't going to make a dent either... and that's if they didn't just break upon impact. However, Nana eventually comes up with a plan of attack, and quickly dashes towards Link.
"Follow my lead!" Nana doesn't tell me what her idea is, but apparently I'm a part of it. As she hops up, Link raises the shield, bracing for impact... but the twist to her assault is that she grabs his shield, then raises it, and the person holding it, up into the air. With his eyes widen in surprise, Link could only watch as Nana then proceed to slam him back into the ground, landing on his back.
Once I understand what she wants me to do, I immediately run towards them and mimic her moves exactly: I jump into the air, grab his shield, then slam them both down into the ground, ensuring that he lands on his back. Once isn't enough, and two is too few, so we repeat the process a couple of times until Link finally lets go of his shield, the wind knocked out of him.
"Ready to finish this, Popo?" she brandish her mallet.
"Ready when you are, Nana," I whip out my own.
With a nod, we both swing the mallet round and round like two tornados in sync with each other, building momentum with each spin. Link, still in a breathless daze, couldn't do much except watch as we creep closer... and smile, as though okay with being outplayed. As we both hit Link with the end of our attack, the Hyrulian flies off the stage, and we are the only ones left.
"GAME!" the announcer signals the end of the match, and the crowd cheers our names as we stand there in awe of what happened. "The winners of this match are the Ice Climbers!" the announcer makes it official, and once we realize that it's over, we couldn't help but celebrate!
In joy, we jump up and down, but inadvertantly at different times: everytime I'm up in the air, she's already on the ground, and everything she's going up, I'm already heading back down. Still, we are too excited to care, and at the very end of the routine, we give each other a very high, very hard high-five, smiling at the crowd as they cheer us on.
"We won!" Nana excitedly exclaims, giving me a bear of a hug. "I knew we could do it if we did it together!" I hope she doesn't expect me to answer, as she buries my face so deep into her chest that I could probably pass out from the lack of air. "This is the happiest moment of my life!" she squeals happily and, as much as I want to breathe, I decide to let her have her moment in the sun.