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I met her when I was just setting out on my journey around the region. She was a scared little girl, attempting hiding her face whenever I glanced her way. I slowly approached her with an arm extended as though to offer her my hand, but she must've took it as a threat.
Without much hesitation, she immediately vanished from my eyes.
Was I going crazy? Did I just imagine her, or was that one of her many special abilities? I thought that I would never get the chance to find out for sure, as she could be many miles away from here, so I kept on going.
However, it wasn't long until I ran into her again, residing in a rather large patch of grass easily able to hide her from predators... and presumably me. I tried to make contact once again, but the moment she looked as though she was going to teleport away did I retract my hand back. Figuring there would be no more interaction between us, I decided to not let her further delay my journey, and kept moving forward.
It wasn't long into walking out of this route did I heard the scuffling of feet behind me. In a brush of a forest, I was paranoid that some dangerous foe could be lurking behind me, but as a mere human without any means to defend myself, what could I do? Overwhelmed with fear, I decided to run and hide behind a nearby tree, hoping to lose sight of my pursuer whilst gaining an eye of them myself.
To my surprise, I saw the same little girl as before, turning her head left and right in fright. With a whimper, she started getting scared, and she eventually cried out. Taking a look around, I noticed that it was only her in the vicinity. Was she the one following me? If so, why would she, after she went through the effort to avoid me like the plague?
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I thought, so I stepped out into the path to reveal myself. With something sounding like a joyous glee, she immediately ran up to me to give me a hug as though I was someone to save her from the dark forest. As I reached my hand out, she did nothing to signal she would disappear, and within seconds did I pet her soft head, careful to avoid her horn.
"Do you want to come with me?" I asked, and she replied with the most vigorous of nods. With a smile, I introduced myself as she told me her name. With her by my side, we left the forest and onto the next stage of our adventure.
"You're quite the tiny thing," I said to break the silence.
Time has passed, and so did our childhood.
I had become a teenager, and she became something like one as well. She was still a little shorter than me, and I would tease her about it often. Hey, we would need something to talk about while walking to our next destination, and she knows that I'm kidding, despite the huffs and puffs she would say in response.
How do I know? Because even as she turns her head away in frustration, she always stayed by my side. Always. We would be here for each other, no matter what happens.
And as though the goddess has chosen to test our trust did we run into trouble.
As soon as we got into a clearing, several purple horned creatures aimed their heads at us, ready to ram that thing. I recognized these monsters via a special electronic guide I have in my pocket: despite the advantage my friend has, these creatures' poison stingers are still bad enough to send either of us in a hospital should it come into contact with our skin.
At first, she wanted to teleport us away, which she could do quickly. However, as she was trying to hold me close, but one of the monsters immediately stopped her from casting her spell with a hard tackle, knocking the two of us away. Relentless, the monster singled me out as the most defenseless, and tried to give me a taste of its horn. The wind knocked out of me, I couldn't stand in time, let alone run. With fear, I closed my eyes and awaited the pain to arrive.
But it didn't. Instead, a loud "thud" immediately echoed throughout the area. When I wondered what caused such a thing, I opened my eyes and saw that the purple creature has been knocked to the ground... hard. Unconscious, the creature was out like a light, and in its wake as my friend standing over me. She turned around to flash a smile, as though to tell me that I'll be okay.
And I believed her.
The other monsters readied themselves to attack, as though thinking they could take on my friend. I don't know why, maybe they thought the one she knocked out before was simply weaker than the rest, but what I did know was a fight was unavoidable. With another attack, my friend used something to make the monsters confused, and soon did they start to attack one another as though unsure who the true enemy was.
Thinking that the problem has been solved, she walked over to my body and helped me up to my feet. However, as soon as my hand was held in hers did I see that one of the monsters had recovered quicker than we expected, and immediately ran towards us, With no time to react, it sink its stinger into my friend's back, poisoning her with an ailment just as she did to him and his friends.
With my friend weak, and I defenseless, I was worried was is to happen... But, by some miracle, the one purple monster that, in its confusion, took out the other monsters, had seen the one remaining to fight. Charging as quick as it could, it rammed into the last purple creature with such a forceful headbutt that it renders them both unconscious, leaving me to tend to my friend.
Weakly, she was happy that I was safe, but I wasn't going to let her faint. Though my ribs hurt a little from the attack before, I carried my friend as best as I could, supporting her weight with my own. It was a long walk to the nearest treatment center, but we were going to get there.
"Help, I need a doctor!" I shouted as soon as I walked into town, my friend breathing slower and slower each passing second. Luckily, the treatment center was located at the edge of town, so as soon as a nurse spot us did she send her pink assistant for a stretcher. Unable to stay with my female friend, the nurse told me that I could wait in the lounge, and that she'll call me as soon as possible.
The wait was excuriatingly painful, but it was probably nothing compared to what my friend had went through. As I sat in the bench, all I could do, other than pray to the goddess for her recovery, was to replay the scene in my head over and over again. No matter how much I thought about it, it doesn't changed what happened.
She risked her tiny body to save mine... and I very much appreciate it.
As soon as the nurse exits the room, this time to tell me that I could see my friend, I immediately sprang to my feet. In spite of decorum, I quickly ran to the room, only to hesitate right after placing my hand on the knob. Thinking about what to say, what to do, I stood outside until it finally hit me.
I would tell her that I love her.
With that set in my head, I turned the knob and pushed open the door.
"You're looking lovely," I smiled as I walked into my room to see my adult-sized friend lying in bed, the sunlight streaming through the open window as she looks out towards the morning sun.
"..." she smiled back as she rubbed her expanded belly hidden underneath my blanket, cradling it as though it was already a baby in her arms.
"I brought you some breakfast," I showed her the tray of pastry puffs I held in one hand, and her eyes lit up as soon as she saw them. As she took one off the plate to nosh on happily, a slight snicker let slip through my lips, and she turned to see what was so funny.
"You got a little something on you," I pointed to her face where a dash of creme lingered, but she had trouble trying to find it as she palmed her lips. "Here, let me get it for you," I used my index finger to wipe it off her face, prompting a slight blush across her cheeks. "You're so cute!" I noted her reaction out loud as I opened my mouth, since I wanted to lick the creme off my finger.
However, I sat there speechless as she turned the table on me. Just as I brought the finger up to my lips did she lean over and lick it clean for me, smacking her lips as though enjoying it. Flustered, all I could do is blush myself as she flashes me a pair of mischievous eyes, as though to rub her victory in my face. Still, as we sat in bed together enjoying the rest of the treats, all there were were smiles across our faces.
"...I love you," I felt like I had to say it before I bit down on yet another treat.
"...Gardevoir!" she said to me before biting down on hers.
As I mentioned before, I'm always planning my next videogame purchases even after I just bought a handful, so while I'm still drooling over soon to be released games (though, realistically, I may not get them all because of the lack of funds) like Hatsune Miku: Project Diva F 2nd, Super Smash Brothers for Wii U, Dragon Age: Inquistion, NES Remix, Persona Q, the Playstation 4 version of Akiba's Trip: Undead and Undressed... as well as catching up with games I've been meaning to buy like Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, The Evil Within, The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker HD... I'm already waiting for 2015 to drop because it looks like it's going to have many awesome titles coming out, and as a gamer, I can't just turn away and let them slip by! But with so many great games announced, which ones am I anticipating the most?
Well, I'm not gonna tell ya!
Ha, just kidding! Don't be like that!
Say it, don't spray it... oh wait...
When it was first announced at E3 way back when, I must admit that I might've been a little too hyped about a game where little boys and girls run around shooting fluids at each other... but the game looks very solid: an interesting twist on the shooter genre, instead of spraying bullets at one another and taking cover, you're trying to splatter as much paint as you can, and the team that covers the battlefield with their goo the most wins! The premise is very unique, but even better is that your character is a squid-like entity that can somehow sink itself into the paint and swim under the surface, despite how swallow it is, to zip across enemy lines and truly conquer the arena! The emphasis on colors, mobility, and personality (as the characters just oozes it by their looks alone) is what makes this title stand out to me, and I'm definitely keeping a close eye on this.
On a related note, Rule 34 of Splatoon has been so good to me: there's this one involving a squid girl (no relation to Squid Girl) reloading her gun by pumping her penis (yep, she's one of those) into the container that's just lovely, as well as another involving a little boy "filling up" little girl.
All you gotta say is that Hidetaka Miyazaki, the director of Demon's and Dark Souls, is attached and I'm already interested: those two games alone has earned a lot of goodwill from me, and if Wikipedia is to be believed, then he was also responsible for Armored Core: For Answer as well, which was one of my favorite mech games! Bloodborne also rocks a cool premise of being in set in a medieval fantasy world where a terrible disease is turning people in frickin' werewolves (which isn't very original, but better than zombies, runners or otherwise)! I can tell that the atmosphere is going to be wickedly dark and unsettling from the screens alone, and I'm hoping from what I'm hearing from the game mechanics, such as being able to recover health by hitting the enemy within a certain timeframe, that this game is going to change up the formula of action-adventure games by utilizing a risk-reward system.
Also, you get guns, which instantly makes this awesome!
[Dead or Alive 5: Last Round]
It's getting hot in 'ere (so what?), so take off all your clothes...
Ah, Dead or Alive... the game where the fighting's as good as the fanservice. Seriously, it may not be a true current-gen title, especially being the third iteration of the same game (four if you count the free-to-play Core Fighters version), but if it's packing all of the DLC costumes and characters, then that's alright with me: Kasumi in a schoolgirl outfit, Ayane in her school swimsuit, Sarah Bryant (who isn't a DOA girl, but she's hot so I'm not complaining) in a bikini... ugh, who ever said too much of good thing is bad must've been crazy in the head! Also, I think someone said that they are improving the "physics", if you know what I mean, and they were already pretty mesmerizing as it is too... so I can't wait to see how it's going to be now: boobs, covered in sweat in a bra-less outfit, bouncing in 60 frames per second... man, it's going to be heaven when I finally get my hands on a PS4 later down the line!
Did I just spent the whole paragraph talking about the girls instead of the fighting? Guess I know why I lose all those matches.
I think a Russian dominatrix said that to me once...
Honestly, do I need to say why? No? Good... because there's no much to say about this title, considering how little we heard about it. This goes double for Shin Megami Tensei x Fire Emblem: when the hell are we gonna see something about it!?
[Xenoblade Chronicles X]
I believe I can fly... I believe I can touch the sky...
I never played Xenoblade Chronicles, despite being pretty interested in the mechanic of the game like Party Affinity or the Visions system, mostly because I didn't really have a Wii anymore at that point... but to be honest, I felt pretty "meh" by what I've seen: the game looked great, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't doing much to excite me, and it doesn't help that Gamestop are gouging prices. However, for this game, I was entranced by the first or second reveal: mechs are awesome, and seeing them whiz by in cutscenes, combined with the ability to create your own character to insert yourself into the story, was sweet, and the graphics definitely aren't too shabby! Coupled with the newest reveal in the latest Nintendo Direct with its look around the city and landscape that sprawls out as far as the eye can see, and I honestly can't wait to get this in my Wii U: it may have the same cons that made me avoid the original, but I'm very much willing to give this a shot!
[The Legend of Zelda for Wii U]
Bows before hos...
I'll be honest, I haven't really played any Zelda games because I usually get stuck within the first couple of dungeons, so I guess they never really clicked with me... but man, when I saw the trailer back at E3 and got a gaze at how gorgeous it looked (even Link was especially pretty!), I knew that this would be my first purchased Zelda game! Er, I mean, unless I buy the aforementioned Wind Waker HD or the next game on the list, but I'm probably not just because I'm going to be using what little amount of money I have trying to acquire the hard to find titles like the Project Diva F 2d game and Akiba's Trip: Undead and Undressed. Anyway, the point is, that one trailer was so nice and pretty that I'm willing to take a chance with this game, and it was only, what, a minute-long trailer? That's how impressed I was!
That badass arrow wasn't too shabby either: fuck crossbows!
[The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask 3D]
Eh, you didn't need to sleep anyway.
When I was just a filly, I found it rather silly... sorry, I was watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic as I type this up. Seriously though, growing up as a young child who was very much into bright and colorful cartoons like Powerpuff Girls, this game scared the hell out of me: the graphics were dark, the content even darker, and that moon was perhaps one of the scariest things I've ever seen! However, as I got older, I guess my tastes must've gotten a little warped because now I kinda dig the dark atmosphere: one of the first Zelda games I truly, truly wanted to try was Twilight Princess because, ever since I saw its reveal in a Nintendo Power magazine, I loved everything about it... and having played a little bit of it at a cousin's house, I was instantly hooked! Unforunately, unless the Wii U can play Gamecube games, or the Wii U gets an HD version (please, oh please, let it happen), I probably won't finish the title... but when it was announced that Majora's Mask is getting released on the 3DS, I'm much more willing to give it a shot now that I'm into the dark, spooky stuff!
I did spoil the story for myself a couple of years back though: sometimes, when there's a game that I thought I knew for sure that I wouldn't play, I usually wiki what happens, and there was a charmingly little manga adaption. However, I still plan to get this game and experience it for myself!
[Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain]
First he loses his eye, then an arm... I have a bad feeling about his testicles...
I wouldn't say that I'm a hardcore Metal Gear Solid fan, but I played many titles in the series, and I love them all (some more than others though). While Ground Zeroes is woefully so short and a bit lacking despite the "replayability", I still appreciate getting a taste of the next main game, and I can't wait to play The Phantom Pain: the trailers make it look like something epic, and each new features just hypes me up more and more! Yeah, the changes in gameplay might be a little too much on the action side, even more so than Guns of the Patriots, and the graphics of Ground Zeroes on the PS3 was pretty jarringly jaggy... but come on, it's a Metal Gear Solid game; we know that it's gonna deliver, and I trust Hideo Kojima to present a wonderful experience; he also promises it to be a pretty dark tale, and as I mentioned above, I'm very much into that! It's a little weird seeing Keifer Sutherland, a.k.a. Jack Bauer of 24, as Big Boss though, especially after playing all the games with David Hayter (not bringing this up!), but perhaps hiring a celebrity means that Hideo Kojima considers this project to be an important one.
Not pictured: actual hills.
Speaking of celebrities, Silent Hills stars Norman Reedus, a.k.a. Darryl Dixon of AMC's The Walking Dead, as its main character, and I gotta say, it looks very much like him: ah, the powers of the Fox Engine! The game itself, however, isn't exactly given much gameplay to go on, but it did have this cryptic something called a Playable Teaser that was a mix between scary and psychological horror that supposefully really nails the atmosphere (I haven't played it due to a lack of a PS4 :( )... and judging by the positive reception, I'd say that this series is in good hands. Even though Guillermo del Toro is working on this title as well, I respect Hideo Kojima's background and aspirations, and I trust that his creativity is going to be main reason why I'm, if not many of you other gamers, are going to be interested in this game: I'd even go as far as to say that Hideo Kojima is quite possibly the closest thing I have to a "hero" of sorts, as I find inspiration in his history and hope that perhaps I'll be able to follow in his footsteps.
[Tales of Zestiria]
Shoot... I'm going to have walk all the way there, don't I?
Like I said with Metal Gear Solid, I'm not a hardcore fan of the Tales of series, especially since so many of their games don't make it overseas like Tales of Fandom, Tales of VS., Tales of the Heroes, and subsequent sequels of Tales of the World... but I enjoy most of the titles I've played, and the cast of characters are amongst the best in gaming: you'll get to know them as friends who care for one another, and their banter are the main reason I love the series. Because of this, anytime a new Tales of game is announced do I immediately look forward to it, and hearing that this new one not only changes up the combat system, but also allow for an open-world like structure, not unlike what Dragon Age: Inquistion is doing, sounds like they are really trying something new with this entry. It's also returning to high fantasy, which some players might be excited to hear as I am: while I liked the modern-like setting of Xillia, especially since Ludger gets to wield dual pistols in the sequel and everyone has a cell phone for easy convenience, there's much more imagination to returning to the realm of fantasy, and I'm hoping to slay a dragon or two!
Anyway, those are my most anticipated games of 2015: I realize that I'm missing out on some great titles like Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate, Evolve, possibly Final Fantasy XV[ and The Last Guardian (hey, a man can dream!), but I tried to limit this to just ten games, and I had various reason for not including certain titles. Still, what games are you looking forward to?
Wait, what are you doing, writing a comment like that!? You better get your ass to the blog manager: someone better continue the chain!
The month of Thanksgiving is coming up soon, and I just wanted to say, after I started being active here after years of simply lurking around like a wallflower at a school dance, that I've come (heh, come) to appreciate this community so much: you guys are good people, and reading some of your blogs not only entertained me to no end, but it also allowed me to get to know a lot of you better... and I must say that several lot of you have made quite an impression on me!
I've hopped around various videogame sites over the years ever since I was old enough to use the internet for anything other than a machine that shows me naked women, but never have I ever felt like this could be a place I could stay: Destructoid have been my home on the web, and I never would've done as much as I did if I didn't feel devoted to the site. Sure, admittedly I didn't do much in the grand scheme of things, I suppose (I'm not a HUGE member... and I don't have a HUGE membership either), but if I could, I would've liked to get more involved with this fine community.
Wait, "would've"? When someone says something like this, chances are said someone is going to be leaving soon. so you're probably wondering if I'm going anywhere. Well... I don't know; I honestly can't say for sure: one of the reasons why I'm writing this blog and posting it up is because I'm not sure what's going to be happening somewhere down the road, and I wanted to take this time to tell you all what you mean to me, and that whatever happens, I'll remember you guys. Seriously, I never really belonged in a clique for most of my life, so I've been pretty much a loner for the majority of my life, but I'm almost always glad to scroll down the comment section to see what antics await.
So, you're probably wondering what's got me all tense, what's eating away at me... well, it isn't easy for me to say, but it's not because it's hard to type the letters. No, it isn't easy for me to say because I know that, once I do, that you guys will lose all respect for me: I've left a lot of communities because I no longer felt wanted there because of what I said, either out of anger or out of... well, moments like these, and I was kind of hoping that I wouldn't be leaving this site for the same reason. However, in light with all the other Dtoiders leaving, whether it's due to scandals or simply because they must move on, I feel like, if I am to leave, that I should tell my tale.
You see, I made some bad decisions in life, and I'm expecting to be paying for it real soon: starting it off in high school, I never knew what I wanted to do with my life, and I didn't exactly put forth the effort into finding out. I did do my schoolwork, however, and I even got a 3 point something GPA and earned a partial scholarship (Bright Futures, I believe), but I think that was because I just didn't really know what else to do: I figured the path to my future would reveal itself in due time, so I didn't dwell on it much. As the grade levels go up and my time ticking down, it came to a point where I had to decide whether to go to college or not.
One thing people never realized about me, whether it's my teachers, parents, or whatever, is that good grades doesn't mean you're smart, and I was practically living proof of that: I feel wholly incompetent in everything I do, and when it comes to studying, I got by with pure memorization and luck. Seriously, a lot of tests I got back with an A and praise from teachers feels empty because I knew that I guessed on over half of these questions, and a majority of them happened to be right; when my luck runs out and I got the grade I deserve, teachers would say I didn't try because they didn't know the truth behind my first success.
Because I realized this about myself, I chose not to go to college after high school, and for three years afterwards, I was practically a bum: all I did was go to work two shifts a week (which means about 10-12 hours, and yet I still complained about it), played videogames, and wrote fan fiction for the longest time. Sure, I love creative writing, and writing stories that people would actually read was something that kept me going for the briefest of excitement, but I can't deny that I wasted those three years.
As you can imagine, I couldn't live on my own with a situation like that, so naturally, I lived with my parents who, while I can't say that I feel close to, I'm still thankful for what they've done for me. However, understandably, by the end of the third year, my parents basically gave me an ultimatum: either I start working full-time and pay rent or save for an apartment; go to college; or leave the house. Even though working itself wasn't too bad, I was in really low-spirits by that point (remember: I was writing fanfiction for just a tiny bit of praise), and the job was pretty soul-deafening at that, so the thought of working full-time scared me, even more so than becoming homeless.
So, I decided to go back to college, but once again, I made some bad decisions: I only went to school part-time, and I even quit my job despite having ample amount of my time to do them both because I couldn't give up writing and playing videogames. See, at this low point in my life, stories, whether I was playing, reading, watching, or writing them, were literally all I have keeping me going, and I needed to cling to them as best I could: if I wanted to know what happens next, I would, and have, forgo any studying or homework just to see the next cutscene.
Obviously, videogames were having a negative effect me, but it was also doing it in another way. Yes, videogames were seducing me away from my priorities in my life, but I always thought that the adventures I witnessed was worth the trouble to get to it... but with each great story I experience, I also feel a tinge of melancholy: I see all these wonderfully written tales, these characters I care about, these magical moments... and while I admire what they did and how they did it, I also doubt my own creative writing abilities in the process. Videogames thus became something like a double-edge sword: it was the only thing keeping me going, but it gummed up the works as well.
Despite all this, however, I'm still "technically" managing my studies with A's and B's... but when you take two easy classes a semester, it's not impressive. Really though, all I'm doing is delaying the inevitable: like as was the case in high school, I don't have any goals in life, and I can't get by with having "undecided" as my major forever. As the number of required courses for my AA degree starts to dwindle, eventually, I must pick a major... but as I'm sitting in the guidance counselor's office over and over again, hearing that I need to decide soon, I just can't seem to find one that I want to do that happens to be one that I can do.
At this time in writing, I only have about four regular academic classes and seven elective courses left to take, but without a major, they can't select my electives. As I'm sitting here typing this up, I think I'm about to make the worst decision of my life: I think I'm going to drop out of school, and there's a good chance that I'm not going to get a job, able or otherwise. If we're referring back to the ultimatum I mentioned earlier, the only choice left is option three: I'm sure my parents will kick me out of the house.
Honestly, after bumming for three years, then having them pay for my full tuition (I had financial aid, but funny enough, the family income became right on the mark to be considered ineligible) for another two years, only to do the equalivant of spitting in their face... I don't blame them. Now, this is all spectulation of course; I haven't told them of my intentions yet: I mean, how the hell do you go up to someone who has tolerated you when others would've given up, to tell them that I wasted their money and I don't plan to make something of myself?
I've also been a burden to my parents as well: I'm wasting their money going to school for no reason, I don't do much chores around the house, and I'm even taking out my frustrations on them. I think my parents would be much better off without me, which makes me feel even more guilty and somewhat determined to leave on my own.
I suppose I already lost all your respect by now, if not way back already, so there's no point bothering to explain my apathy... but the reason I don't really mind what happens if I'm homeless is because I lost a lot of will these past few months, and I don't really have a reason to keep living the way that I am. I lost the passion for writing a little while back, and while I am surely no Shakespear, I miss it so much, yet I can't type anything whenever I finally make time to sit in front of the computer screen and an empty Wordpad. Besides, so what if I write: no one's going to read it, and no one's going to want to read it anyway.
I've been thinking about the only possible future for me, and all I can see is is a cycle of constantly going to work everyday at a dead end job before coming home to play videogames, eat, sleep, repeat for as long as I'm alive. To me, that doesn't sound like a good existence, and after being depressed for so long, I'm not inclined to try it for myself: I already feel so dead inside, and that's just pitiful. Sure, there's plenty of things worth living for like finding love and having kids, but I don't think I'm going to be as lucky as those who are granted such blessings.
So, I said what I felt like I needed to say. To tell you the truth, I don't feel better after getting it off my chest, but I hope someone knows how I'm feeling: I haven't told anyone anything yet, and I decided to do so here even though there isn't anything you guys can do for me because... well, I kind of see you guys as family, even if you guys see me as that annoying relative that you hope wouldn't show up during the holidays, so I felt like I could open up to you like this. Sure, I may have lost your respect, but I still felt comfortable enough to talk about myself to you like this.
Anyway, if or when I do leave, I'm going to want to come back to this community: if I finally get a handle on life, this will be among one of the first places I'll be checking out when I finally shape up. While the members might change, this place seems to generally attract the friendly sort, so I'm sure to make friends once again. Chances are, I probably wouldn't use this account anymore though: I guess it would be best to start clean as the negative stigma would cling to me like toilet paper on the bottom of my shoe.
Whatever happens, I'm not going anywhere just yet: I'll still be lurking around here for some time until I can't no more, so I guess we'll see what happens when it happens. Just don't get too attached to me: I'm an anchor and I don't want to bring anyone down.
When people ask me which videogame scares me the most, I could probably use a list of familiar titles like Resident Evil or Dead Space and they'll nod their heads and agree... but the truth is, the game that gives me such a fright is one that a lot of people are sick of hearing due to its overexposure in the realm of YouTube: Slender: the Eight Pages. Having played this game even before it got the subtitle (damn, that make me sound like a hipster), Slender was a fun little romp to play every now and then, and I genuinely get scared whenever I boot it up on my laptop. Now, a lot of people who have played this game have said, and I'm sure many of you fine Dtoiders will agree with them, is that the game isn't very scary: the game solely relies on jump-scares, and if you aren't afraid of being captured by the pasty-white gentleman in a noir-black suit, then obviously a lot of the fear factor is lost on you... though I wonder how much scarier would he be if there was a color swap of him being black with a white suit?
To tell you the truth, I don't find Slenderman all that scary either. Sure, the Marble Hornets videos are well-done, and the creepypasta that spawns from his legacy can be the stuff of nightmares, but when it boils down to it, you're essentially being chased by a finely dressed mannequin... and even then, actual mannequins are creepier with their dead eyes and lifeless expression! However, the idea that you're being chased is frightening enough on its own, and there's something about the design of the game that makes Slender: The Eight Pages a lot more playable than the sequel!
This better not be the same tree as in Deadly Premonition...
First of all, the game isn't really linear: sure, there's an obvious path to take, and the goal of the game is to acquire eight pages before the Slenderman comes and takes you away... but although there's a recommended order to retrieve them in, you could technically snatch them however you like, and the first time you play without a guide, you're going to be wandering around in search for them. I like how Slender does this because this means that you're dropped in an open-ish area in search of these pages, and it's only through exploration and repetition can you deduce where the pages might be: obviously, the landmarks you stumble into may contain a page, but its exact spot is randomized... and it might not even appear on every playthrough! See, as stated numerous times, there are eight pieces of paper you need to find, but there's ten possible places they could spawn in, not to mention different spots on that location where it could be. For example, a page could be on a wall of an "X" styled structure... but which wall?
Now, after you play it long enough, you can start to memorize where the collectibles are... but this isn't a scavanger hunt: the more pages you have in your possession, the more relentless the Slenderman becomes, and the more he starts to actively chase you! This means that there isn't much time to search a spot throughly, especially if you have more than half of the pages in your pocket, so if you can't find it when you arrive, every second you spend looking for it is another second that he'll catch up to you... when it might not even be there at all! I once read in a Spice and Wolf volume that it's harder to prove that something isn't there than it is proving that it is, and for this game, I agree: if the page is in plain sight, you just nab it and move forward... but if you don't see it, how do you know it's not there unless you check every spot it could appear on before making that deduction? Furthermore, if you have seven pages, and you could swear that you checked all 10 locations, then you're going to have to visit, at most, three locations in search them again... provided that you remembered where you found the other pages!
10/10, would read again!
Sounds tense, right? As you know, the whole time you're playing, you're being chased by Slenderman, and although I said his design isn't scary, it's the jump scare of him appearing that makes my heart jump. See, even though you have to get caught regardless if you grab all the pages or not, there's something of a feeling of victory of being able to snatch them all anyway, and I wanna win... so while Slenderman isn't frightening in itself, the point is is that he's the one stopping you from winning, so whenever he appears, there's a chance that I'm going to get a game over, and now way am I going to let that fucker get the best of me! Of course, I would be lying if I didn't say that his appearance doesn't scare me, because it really does: turning around and spotting him hiding behind a tree staring at me and causing my screen to flicker in the dark room with a loud screech echoing in my ear drums is enough to make me jump in my seat!
In this game, you're virtually defenseless: all you have is the light from your recorder and the sprinting of your feet, neither of which are infinite. This isn't like other action-esque horror games like DOOM, Resident Evil 4, or Dead Space 2 where you can simply shoot whatever scares you in the face out of reflex or reaction... there is no fight-or-flight; there is only one option to take whenever you spot Slenderman, and it isn't trying to blind him with your torch: shining a light in his face doesn't do jack when he has no eyes! So, you run, and run, and run, hoping that he doesn't catch up... but after you run long enough and he manages to always appear in the vicinity, you come into the realization that you can never truly get away: he can "teleport" to wherever you are, so you must press through the rest of the playthrough with him either nipping at your ankles, or standing off to the side where you might catch him off the corner of your eye!
Peek-a-boo: I see you!
One scary part that can happen is when your character can see him, but you don't see him yourself; if that description sounds a little too vague to understand, it's like trying to find Waldo: he's there, and you're technically "looking" at him when you examine at the entire picture... but you don't "spot" him. Anyway, other than being caught, the other way to lose this game is if you stare at Slenderman for too long, in keeping with his legend of causing hallucinations whenever someone glances at him. The game lets you know whenever you're looking at him by the fuzzing of your screen, with an appropriate static sound effect... but without pointing out exactly where ol' Slendy is, chances are, if you attempt to look in one direction, you could inadvertantly end up staring him right in the face! This can cause tension to arise whenever you see your screen getting fuzzy, but no matter where you look, it only gets fuzzier and fuzzier until you finally lose; it doesn't help that, the more pages you collect, the foggier the forest gets, and more than likely, by this point of the game, the battery of your camera is dim and dying.
The absolute worst part of the game, for better or for worse, is the "bathroom" in the middle of the forest: not only is it dark and dank despite the white tiles everywhere, but there are several places where a page could be... and as I said, Slenderman can teleport, so when you're in a cramp building with only a few exits and dead ends, it is practically a death wish to go here by the end point of the playthrough. Normally, the best recommendation for this is to either go here early and hope the page is somewhere where you can get in and get out as quickly as possible, or come here once to investigate one side and then come back again to check the other side... but no matter what, walking in here is pretty much suicide because, even if you don't have any pages going in, finding one or taking too long to find one will have Slenderman coming after you anyway, and if he blocks the only exit, it's game over, man! No matter how many times I've played this, I hate going into this building, and it gives me too many chills seeing him stand at the exit...
He's always right around the corner...
Anyway, Slender: The Eight Pages is one of the scariest games I've played due to its game mechanics, like "requiring" you to shut off your flashlight every now and then to prevent the battery from permanently dying... but also because of its emphasis on non-scripted scares: you never know when you'll spot Slenderman standing behind a tree because he could be in a different spot each time, and trust me, whenever your character suddenly turns around and Slenderman is standing over you, you just know you're fucked... and when you have seven pages and you can see the eighth shimmering off in the distance and you're hoping that you can sprint long enough to snatch it, even more so if you arrive and start rapidly clicking your mouse in an desperate attempt to collect it, your heart will be pounding as though you're trying to outrun a monster before the exit shuts to trap you both there forever.
Slender: The Eight Pages might not necessarily keep me up at night, but it's a thrill nonetheless!
Everyone picks a character in fighting games based on many things: perhaps the character is someone you can relate to; perhaps the character just suits your play style; perhaps the character is a personal favorite of yours and you simply want to represent... but for me, while it can be a combination of all the above, I won't deny that I sometimes (read: the majority of the time) pick characters based on their looks. I mean, I'm guilty of picking Ayane from Dead or Alive 4, Ivy from SoulCalibur IV, and even Mileena from Mortal Kombat 9 just because they look hot, jiggle when they punch, and I do so love to button smash... and I've been trained to do that with one hand!
So, really, is there any question that I wouldn't pick Palutena, who is, undeniably, THE hottest character in the roster?
Sure, while it's damn heartbreaking that my favorite couple Ice Climbers aren't playable in the newest entry Super Smash Brothers in the series (and I'm totally calling provisional dibs in case they become playable at any point in the future)... I have to accept the fact that they're unavailable. However, it helps me feel better and sleep at night to think that, as the brother-sister incest couple that they are, that they are sitting out the fight because either Nana's pregnant with Popo's baby... or they're making one as we speak.
Anyway, here are my reasons why you filthy plebeians don't deserve Palutena!
Yes, Palutena is the hottest character in the game!
Bitch, did I stutter?
But really, was there any competition? I mean, come on, let's just look at some of them: from all images of the female Villager I saw, from the overly sparkly eyes, the eyelash job that looks half-done, to that weird haircut that looks like a mix between a top knot and pigtails... ew, not even animals in her town would want to go out with her, and trust me, I've seen enough bestiality to know that animals aren't picky. And Zelda? Psh, her ears are so pointy that they look like a Lamborghini coming down the street with the doors wide open, and she's so insecure about being a woman that she has to crossdress as Sheik and act like a man. And Princess Peach is such a cock tease: sure, maybe she'd be worth pursuing, but if Mario hasn't found that out yet, then I'm sure as hell not going to waste my time.
The Wii Fit Trainer does have some nice curves, and yoga is certainly something that a lot more women needs to be doing... but ugh, what's with the pasty white skin!? I mean, for someone who does so much excerise, you'd think she would have a tan or something: what, does she just stay inside her studio all day? And if she does, does she not look at her reflection in that big ass mirror she has installed in the back!? Wait... wait a minute... is she... is she missing pupils!? That's... that's... oh my gosh, that's freaking creepy: kill it with fire, kill it with fire!... and I don't mean the burn you feel when working out!
Still got quite the ass though...
Oh, this is fun; I wonder who else should I bag on next! Okay, well, Samus is always wearing that metal suit of armor when she's fighting so she must get really... hot and s-sweaty inside... and when she takes it off, she'd either wear that sexy skin-tight suit that hugs her body so right, or her other revealing outfit that not only show her curves off naturally, but also a lot of her smooth skin... Uh, you know what, I'll come back to her.
Now then, Rosalina has that typical emo "hair parted over one eye" look, but past that you can see... her breathtaking beauty... b-b-but by the way she dresses, you can tell that she... emits this extravagent elegence that she has in spades... and I'm not even going to try to badmouth the Fire Emblem characters: Marth is a really pretty boy, and I certainly can't talk smack about Robin and Lucina either since both of them just scream "waifu" material.
However, even though there are, admittedly, a lot more attractive additions to the roster than I had previously assumed (I stand by my earlier assessments of the Villager, Zelda, and Wii Fit Trainer), if this was a dating sim, the one I'm ultimately going to choose is still Palutena because, guess what...
Goddesses are my 2nd Favorite Fetish!
I guess you could say I'm... "Blinded by Light"
Don't think I just made that up on the spot! See, I've been playing Professor Layton vs Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney and I know that you need to present evidence to back up such a claim so... TAKE THAT: I have a blog for your viewing pleasure a blog about my Top 10 Favorite Fetishes (out of a possible 37) and guess what I listed for number 2...
Well, assuming that you were too creeped out that you couldn't make it that far, or if the concept of hyperlinks is still new to you, it's goddesses: goddesses are sexy as hell, and Palutena is a goddess... therefore, Palutena is sexy as hell, and no one is going to argue with that logic.
Now, I played a lot of Kid Icarus: Uprising, so I spend a lot of time with the lovely lady, and she has such a wonderful, playful personality that she would absolutely be a delight to hang out with: seriously, I've mentioned this on several occassions, but the teasing Palutena likes to give Pit, along with her sense of humor and her motherly demeanor yet child at heart attitude she presents, are the perect ingredients for a waifu... not to mention that she also has an affinity for bathing in hot springs! Best of all, her voice actress portrays her so well that I could literally get an erection just listening to Palutena's voice alone.
I swear, if I ever get to have a conversation with Ali Hillis in person, I really hope I'm not wearing jeans.
She could totally get me into Heaven.
Which is good, because I'm going to need all the help I'm gonna get because...
Palutena knows how to work it!
Need I say more?
And she knows how to give head.
Flying headbutts, I mean.