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About
Well, what is there to say about me? I'm kinda like your average gamer: I like to play games, I like to talk about games, and I hope to work in the video game industry one day. I also hope to write a couple of visual novels (I'm writing out the story as a novel at the moment, but I'll probably get down to it one of these days) but I should probably get my life together first.

I do tend to enjoy videogames more than the average gamer would though: videogames have been my life for as long as I remember so it's as much a part of me as my personality. I can't imagine giving this up.

I have a wide variety of taste when it comes to games as I try to keep an open mind about everything that comes out: just because I play mainstream games Halo and Call of Duty doesn't mean I can't enjoy the underrated ones like Anarchy Reigns, Fire Emblem, and the like. I'm willing to give anything a fair shot... provided that I actually get a chance to play it.

If you want to know more about me, you can check out my contribution to the "10 things about ourselves" blog, that Mr. Andy Dixon asked us all to write as well as any other personal blogs here:
"10 Thing about Me!".
"Top 10 Fetishes"




I am also writing blogs about videogame themed doujinshi (yes, really). I'm just starting, so there aren't many written yet, but the few that are written can be seen here. If you enjoy these, feel free to message me on any recommendations, suggestions, or if one of the images I've chosen is too naughty. :P

Part 1: Monster Hunter and Kid Icarus: Uprising
Part 2: Demons Souls and Darkstalker
Part 3: Blazblue
Part 4: Super Mario Brothers
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The iDOLM@STER series (which will now be referred to as simply "Idolmaster" because I'm boring like that) hasn't really reached across the pond and onto the shores of the United States. Yes, while we did get that one weird mech anime spin-off and those iOS games that I will never talk about because I'm about as angry as they are expensive... the Idolmaster games I want are something of a cross between a business simulation and a rhythm game: on-stage, the game presumably plays like Hatsune Miku: Project Diva F in that you press the right button at the right time in the song to score points... but off-stage, you are the idol's producer who must book her shows, schedule her time, manage her relationships between you and the other idols in the industry, and everything else a manger has to do. Unforunately, as great as they sound, for such a text-heavy game, these aren't exactly import-friendly to an English-only reader... unless my idol likes to dress in rags and play in dumps and dives singing show tunes.

So, if it hasn't been released in my country, then how have I heard of it? Well, guess what: it appears to be in demand in the doujinshi world because there's a ton of them out there, and even more so if you just count individual, one-shot images. As someone who regularly browse hentai manga websites, I pretty much see Idolmaster doujinshi every now and then, so of course, I get curious to see what all the hype is about. I guess I really can't blame them: idols are pretty damn popular over there, almost to the point of obsession... so naturally, a series about idols, who are dozens in numbers if you count the social mobile spin-off Cinderella Girls, is ripe for the taking of horny people's money. Seriously, there are so many idols that there's bound to be one for everyone... and seems to be suited for a particular character type (a.k.a. fetish): there's the gothic Ranko Kanzaki, the nun Clarice, the MILF-looking Shino Hiiragi, the flight attendent Natsumi Soma, the athletic Nagisa Aino, the ninja-like Ayame Hamaguchi... the list goes on and on!

Now, for this next entry in my relatively-new blog series, I want to talk about two Idolmaster doujinshi that I quite enjoyed, and thought that they are interesting enough to share with the rest of you! Without further ado, let's get started!

Mimura Kanako Eats a Lot!

Now I know where she learned how to slurp...

Although she's one of the "playable" characters in the aforementioned Cinderella Girls spin-off, meaning that she's not a character in the series proper, Kanako Mimura seems pretty down to Earth in this doujinshi: asking her producer if there's time to snag lunch before their next scheduled shoot, she takes him to a shop that sells curry udon (noodles) to slurp down, smiling in joy that it's so tasty... despite being worth 680 calories (yes, that's actually written in the manga). But she doesn't want to stop there: spotting a takoyaki shop across the street, takoyaki being deep-fried balls of batter with octopus and onions inside worth about 432 calories for presumably the whole platter, she comments on how tender and sticky they are... but now she wants something sweet to wash it down with, so she heads to a dessert store to order a nice looking parfait that consists of vanilla ice cream surrounded by strawberries, slathered with strawberry syrup, and topped with a wafer stick, all of which adds 441 calories to her body.

Still having time to kill, Kanako decides to take the producer out for a walk to the park... but upon smelling the sweet scent of crepes coming from the stand, Kanako couldn't resist that 353 calorie-filled treat. You would think, after being dragged all over the town for food, that the producer would be annoyed with her munchies... but instead, he finds it cute, and actually enjoys watching her eat (it should be noted that the producer doesn't say anything, as evident by the lack of voice bubbles that Kanako responds to, giving the impression that you're supposed to be him). It makes her bashful at first, especially when she admits that she's getting a little chubby... but apparently, that's just more cushion for the pushing, because we all knew it was going to turn out this way: taking her from behind, she loves the feeling of a penis sliding between her fat ass and thighs (her words, not mine!), before figuring that, since she needs to lose weight, that she will take the lead by going on top since that would mean that she'll be doing all the work!


Guys, this is when you immediately shake your head and lie your ass off.

At least, she would've... but after a few pumps or so (you can never tell how long the sex lasts in a hentai manga unless they specify it because there are only so many pages), the producer starts playing with her belly rolls (my words, not hers) and she gets embarassed. However sexy the cowgirl position is though, especially with a lovely plump girl in charge, the producer decides to switch to the missionary position, which is great for Kanako because she comments on how her "deepest parts" are able to become penetrated (a common saying in hentai manga) and that it's quite perfect for the sperm to be shot inside her. Of course, the sex ends with her sucking the rest out of his hose as though siphoning gas out of someone's car... but there's still one last smile to plant on your face: saying that she'll do great on her next shoot, she spots a gelato cart somewhere, and happily jogs her way there, leaving a small trail of hearts in her wake.

Personally, while the sex looks great (that "melty/ blushing" face being so well-drawn), I just love how happy Kanako is when she's eating: every bite is like ecstasy to her, and I just find the look on her face to be so cute and so adorable that I just want to give her a hug... presuming my arms could reach around her belly. It also incorporates a bit of her personality: not having played the games, I looked her up on the videogame wiki (because almost every videogame has one, especially a series as popular as this) and it says that she likes to eat cookies and cakes, as well as worry about her weight... which explains why some doujinshi featuring her either makes her look very, and deliciously, plump, or has her having sex to lose weight, if not a combination of both. As light-hearted this particular doujinshi is, there isn't too much to say about it since it lasts less than dozen pages... but the next doujinshi in this article is a bit twisted and a little demented, just to balance things out tone-wise and spread my bases out a bit.

Yukiho's Tea is the Flavor of Love!

Seriously, how do they not notice that?

Starting out with two people walking down a hall, they notice a girl suspiciously standing off to the side, seemingly staring at the wall for no apparent reason. As they continue to look at her, they eventually recognize her as Yukiho Hasegawa... but they quickly noticed that something feels "off" about her: she doesn't appear to be "all there", and she definitely lacks the "aura" that idols usually carry with them: that simulated sunshine that emits from the perky behavior they're always strutting. However, they end up dismissing her because, even if Yukiho is an "idol" (this, like her body because this is a hentai manga, will be touched on shortly), the two gentlemen are fans of another fellow pop idol, Miki Hoshii, and thus, they decide to leave Yukiho to her own devices... which turns out to be her cellphone peeking into a bedroom: unbeknowst to everyone else but the privileged readers such as I, she's watching and recording the aforementioned Miki Hoshii having sex with her producer very intensely as she bites on the lock of hair that drifts into her lips as though needing to bite down on something.

Some time after Miki's and the producer's little tryst, they are seen walking like a regular, lovey-dovey couple would: Miki's got her arm around his, and she's clinging to him like lint on a fine suit worn to an interview. She even acts the playful, picture-perfect idol by acting in that baby-ish, yet adorable, way of seeking attention: she even tells the producer what a great job she did today, and when he has to ask what kind of a reward she wants, she pouts and tells him that he knows what she wants (... which is quite clearly the D). However, after he tells her that they must wait until they get home, which Miki openly expresses as a disappointment, they open the door to their room and find Yukiho standing there to greet them. Now, the translation's a little funny regarding whether Yukiho has something to do with Miki's regular assistant being... unavailable, at the moment, but regardless, she decides to help out by making tea for the both of them... as she cradles the very same cellphone that we've seen her with earlier in her hands.


Funny enough, I don't think they actually did it in that position...

As Yukiho is busy preparing them her beverage of choice, Miki decides to take this time to ask about Yukiho's current predicament while they wait: she reveals Yukiho's popularity as an idol is starting to take a really big nosedive after some reporter is writing bad things about her. As scummy as tabloids are, however, it certainly doesn't help that Yukiho's depression is starting to come to light: just like her biography in the Idolmaster videogame, Yukiho has been quoted to have said "I want to dig a hole and bury myself"... which, while admittedly rather tame in comparison to the turn of events impending in the story, still doesn't help her "cheery" image one bit. Although Miki's ultimate intention was her actually trying to cheer up her fellow idol (with that same enthusiasm you'd expect an idol to have), the producer starts reprimanding Miki for talking about such a sensitive subject in front of the very person that they're talking about... but even though Yukiho slams her cup of tea onto the table forcefully, she turns and tells the duo that she doesn't mind: she even asks them if she's able to show them something on her phone.

Although Miki suspiciously starts to slumber after slurping a sip of tea, the producer isn't able to sleep with such a shocking secret exposed right in front of him: Yukiho shows him the recording of the two's relationship, telling the producer how bad it would be if this happens to fall into the hands of the media. However, although Yukiho could blackmail the producer to having many things, like money (since he is the manager of a seemingly successful idol) or even increased fame... she decides that the only type of exposure she wants is her body to him: she simply wants the producer to have sex with her, and by the crazy, desperate look in her eyes (that I personally find oh so sexy...), she isn't taking "no" for an answer. Despite her devious demeanor, she does tell him a sob story though: she rants to the producer she's jealous that Miki doesn't work half as hard as she does yet still manages to be popular, and that she (Yukiho) might not ever make it as an idol... but as long as she has the producer by her side, then she would be okay with it, so she begs the producer to ditch his girlfriend.


Total Yandere. I love it.

Naturally, he refuses such an offer, but rather than blackmail him into it, Yukiho decides to give him a sample of her abilities: pulling down the producers pants to play with his penis, Yuikoho knows what his sensitive spots are, and teases him enough to climax in her mouth, to which she willingly gulps down. Of course, they are almost never satisfied with the first shot... though, in this case, Yukiho mentions that she might've added a little something in his drink: either way, it's time to move to the main event! However, rather than just jump on his stiff stick, Yukiho has something a lot more kinky in mind: she climbs her naked body over the sleeping Miki, and asks the producer to have sex right on top of her... to which he obliges out of own accord! While he's pounding her from behind, Yukiho taunts miki in her sleep: she tells him, with a crazy set of eyes suitable for a yandere (hot), that Miki can't have the producer anymore... that he is falling in love with Yukiho and there's nothing that she can do about it! In fact, when Yukiho asks the producer what he would do if Miki were to wake up, he even gets harder at the thought!

She doesn't wake up anytime soon though: whatever the hell Yukiho put in the tea, it knocked out Miki for a damn long time. Speaking of things being knocked though, even if they covered themselves up, it isn't possible that they could keep this little encounter a secret: Yukiho let the producer cum inside her so she could get pregnant, and I would assume that Yukiho has ensured that it is a guarantee if she's going to tease Miki about it whilst she slumbers. Regardless, it doesn't seem like neither of them cares if Miki finds out or not: when Miki actually wakes up, she is surprised to see the producer sitting in Yukiho's seat (it is actually Yukiho sitting on the producer's lap) and she tells him how mean it is to do that. However, rather than getting off of her seat, the producer is "getting off" in a much more sexual way: turns out, he's actually having sex with Yukiho right at this moment, with only their penis and pussy being exposed underneath the table! Still not satisfied with everything that happened, Yukiho taunts Miki by saying that, while she was having a dream, that Yukiho was having her dream come true.


Well, ignorance is bliss, I guess...

Well, that was pretty twisted, eh? To tell you the truth, it's actually one of the more tamer scenarios that I've read in a doujinshi: one of my favorite fetishes (that I sadly had to cut out of my "Top 10 Favorite Fetishes" blog) happens to be "netorare" hentai. "Netorare", which is Japanese slang that means "taking away by sleeping with", is basically a drastic dip into the subject of cheating: it usually involves a person who is typically in love with another character... but for some reason, rather than having sex with them, they get a much more arousal from having sex with someone else, leaving the person, should they find out (the majority of them do), severely depressed. Normally, these types of hentais get rather twisted: although, admittedly, I gotta give props for that scene when naked Yukiho wants to have sex on top of Miki's body, that's pretty much child's play compared to the "battle-harded" experience I have.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading through these blogs! I write these to kind of add a unique ingredient to this melting pot of community potluck (because, let's be honest: if I wasn't going to write about it, who would've?), and I plan to do more of these when I'm able: I'm already planning on writing a couple of entries regarding series such as Pokemon, Soulcalibur, Dead or Alive, and much, much more. As always, if you made it this far, thanks for reading, it really makes my day, and any suggestions or comments you have (like I could make these blogs more appealing to you, my dear readers), don't be shy: let me know!
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Dreamweaver
10:27 AM on 08.08.2014



No no, that number isn't a typo: I really mean I love Resident Evil 6. Now, I wouldn't say that it's my favorite Resident Evil and it certainly wasn't perfect by any means... but I didn't find it to be the abomination that everyone believes that it was: some people, including Destructoid's own Jim Sterling, said that it was akin to a Michael Bay film, with it's copious amount of explosions, setpieces, and enemies to kill... which is pretty much the opposite of what an Resident Evil game is supposed to be: campy and corny, limited ammo, and scarce encounters perfectly placed just outside the camera so, as soon as you round the corner, there's a jump scare waiting to make you shriek out in terror (I'm not a fan of the fetch quest-like mechanic of finding a key, finding the door that it unlocks, and repeating the process, so I'm glad that that's mostly gone).

However, while it was drastically different from the series, even in the direction Resident Evil 5[/ was heading in, I honestly thought that this game had some pretty interesting concepts. Sure, it may not have been fully realized, and some of the gameplay mechanics hold it back from being on my list of favorite games... but I enjoyed playing the game so much that I accumulated much playing time on it: it took up the majority of the month that it came out in because I wanted to unlock everything (I didn't, but I tried)! There are some things about the game that really piqued my interest, and I have to give credit where credit is due, so here's a few thoughts why I think Resident Evil 6 stands out to me.

Please hold your projectiles until after I made my case: you'd be amazed how hard it is to speak when a tomato flies directly into the crotch of your pants... and that red liquid that splatters is not tomato juice.

Multiple Heroes!

When one's not enough and two is too low...

Everytime there's an announcement of a new entry, the number one thing I look forward to hearing is who will take the lead role: will it be Leon Kennedy, whose sharp skills, a knack for survival, and witty one-liners, have escaladed him from a police officer into becoming a Secret Service agent... or will it be Chris Redfield, who was part of the original S.T.A.R.s team that got stranded in the mansion in the middle of nowehere, if not Jill Valentine, who also managed to elude and take down the monstosity that is the Nemesis? However, when it was announced that Resident Evil 6 will feature three separate campaigns featuring Leon, Chris, and even Sherry Birkin, the little girl survivor from Resident Evil 2 (who has a disturbing, but not shocking, amount of hentai, particularly with Claire Redfield), and a fourth unlockable campaign featuring the lovely femme fatale gal Ada Wong... and that all the stories will intersect with each other, I immediately giggled like a schoolgirl whose sempai has noticed her.

I was slightly disappointed that their partners were a new cast of characters other than an older character though: as hot as Helen is, with her big ol' booty and her unlockable sexy cop outfit that shows off how much leather loves to hug her behind (but still less than I would), I would've loved to see characters like Jill Valentine, Claire Redfield, and even characters like Barry Burton and Rebecca Chambers take their place, especially when the latter two need more exposure for the fan following they have. Still, although some people would prefer quality over quantity, I love to see a game pack in so many notable characters, and I honestly wish that they included more into the campaign by having them involved with the story... or simply there to round out the Mercenaries roll call since Resident Evil 5: Gold Edition had a much fuller roster, even if the characters only had passing appearances (like my favorite sidekick Josh Stone, or the aforementioned Barry Burton and Rebecca Chambers). Besides, while Jake didn't really grow on me, Piers became a frickin' badass (I don't need to mention Helen) and that's cool.

Heart-pounding Moments!

Excuse me fellas: you got a train to catch.

The campaigns themselves were pretty damn memorable: one of Leon's level sets the bar by having you explore an abandoned school, a dark underground subway tunnel, and finishes it with a bang by having you team up with other survivors at a gas station before taking shelter in the gun shop to fend off a zombie horde long enough to catch a ride... but the other campaigns were no slouches either since one of Chris's level has you roaming through China as part of a military team to mow down the new evolved forms of the Las Plagas virus while Jake is being chased across Eastern Europe by a hulking monster that could give the Nemesis a run for his money (and does an admirable "Kool-Aid" man impression by smashing through walls). Sure, the campaign might be the stuff of summer blockbusters and nothing like the original games... but like the vast amounts of Call of Duty games I played, each action-packed moment really gives me an adrenaline rush, and that's not even considering some of the more awesome scenes, especially the ending of Chris's campaign or the outbreak in Leon's campaign!

I mean, while some levels brought some really frustrating moments (Ada's helicopter segment is a real chore while one of Leon's late boss encounter is a real bore), there are still some pretty controller-gripping moments generously sprinkled throughout your adventure: fighting a giant dog-like B.O.W. on top of a moving train as it rips through the metal with its newly formed projectiles is a better sight than the city, and riding in mine carts and dodging obstacles while avoiding a slimy, naked woman with sharp spider legs is pretty rad (and sexy)! And some of the parts were genuinely haunting: walking through the previously mentioned subway and seeing the shadows of over a dozen zombies coming at me is pretty frightening... but when I was in the middle of a horde onslaught and you see the bright light attached to a whole lot of metal (bonus points if you get the reference, though I'll admit it's pretty damn subtle), my heart so pounded when a zombie grabbed me in the middle of my escape that I almost had a panic attack! 

Campaign Crossover!

Need a ride?

But my absolutely favorite moments in the game are when the campaigns crossover the same events and intersects with one another: it's pretty entertaining to see these characters meet in the same area under their own circumstances like the "Impossible Trinity" Grand Theft Auto IV established with their lead characters. When a television show like The Simpsons do these sorts of things, where they'll play out one character's entire day before replaying that same day from someone else, it's pretty cool to watch, and adds a bit of mystery when you don't know how or why that character is here until you play through his perspective and see how he arrived there. While it was frustrating as fuck (I'd do a sex joke but you probably had enough of that) that Leon and Chris's "meeting" is so disappointing, considering that they only meet once and in a very anti-climatic way for such big stars... the other moments, like a certain character providing sniper support, and the 4 player boss fight that brings me back to the types of encounters Lost Planet 2 had, pretty much outweighted that one scene.

Speaking of 4 players, while it didn't work as intended in practice, the idea that you could team up with other players was really novel because it was done differently: you not only had to be the same level as someone who's also playing through that same level, but as the other set of characters and must arrive at the certain segment at the same time. So, as an example, when one player enters the area with the crossover, they must be playing as Chris and Piers, and the game tries to match him up with someone at that same segment at the same moment, but as Sherry and Jake. Does it sound like a hassle? Yes, and I won't deny that... but it kind of makes sense: it's technically a coincidence that the characters in the campaign are meeting up, so the developers translate that same principle to determine how players will meet each other in the online space. Would a standard mission select be better? Hell yes (disclaimer: you can pick a checkpoint in a patch), but I do admit that the original idea was interesting. Either way, the crossovers were easily the best parts of the game even when you're playing solo.

Better Control and Mobility

Stop, drop, and roll: works on fires, works on whatever the hell that is.

Okay, let's get this out of the way first: the control are not intuitive, are not user-friendly, and are too damn convoluted for its own good... but (you knew there was gonna be one), once you actually take the time to learn them, you can make you character so agile that you're performing John Woo-styled asskickings (is that a word?). With the quickshot mechanic, your character can immediately pop a shot at the nearest enemy with whatever gun they're holding... so if you have a sniper rifle and you noticed that that zombie suddenly disappears from the scope, you can hit the quickshot command and immediately fire the sniper rifle at the zombie lunging to bite you in the neck (total no-scope too!) This can save your ass because, when the enemy is so close that aiming, despite having a bigger target, is still so slow that actually pulling the pistol up to his body to shoot will be too late... you can, at the very least, stun him enough to pop a bullet to its brain. And some character with certain guns can pull this off very stylishly, such as Helen's Hydra: she flips when you use it, and sometimes give a nice view of her ass.

However, that's just the tip of the iceberg because not only can you sprint in this game (I believe this is a first for the series), but you also can do things from a running shoulder bash to sliding soccer tackle: it's even better when you're holding C4 because then you can slide into a group of enemies, plant the bomb down, and then detonate the explosives when you slide out of range to very cleanly, and very stylishly, take them all out. My favorite thing to do has to be dodging an attack, which I know is impossible in the older games with their tank-styled controls (not counting quick-time events in Resident Evil 4 and above), and then returning fire: I tell you, quickshotting a zombie with a shotgun, then jumping backwards to avoid the swing of a monster's giant arm, then whipping out your dual pistols mid-flight to unload in his exposed face before rolling on the ground to narrowly dodge his follow-up, is something that Tequila would be proud of. Sure, this isn't the Resident Evil we know... but I can't deny that that isn't the stuff of awesome water-cooler moments.

So, that's why I love Resident Evil 6, and chances are I know exactly why you hate it... but comment down below and tell me anyway. Would I love for the franchise to continue in this direction? I wouldn't mind it, but I do want the series to continue in the direction of the Resident Evil 5 DLC Lost in Nightmares: the classic Resident Evil feel and atmosphere, but modernized, like how Bravely Default reinvigorated the old-school JRPG by reinventing the mechanics while still keeping the integrity of the genre. That being said, Resident Evil 6 was great, despite the changes they made and the explosions that they added.
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I salute you, GajKnight, for being brave enough to make a Top Ten Fetishes of All Time blog... but how could you not even have the sanity to include me!?

All kidding aside, porn plays a pretty big part of all our lives, and since I already shared way too much information about myself with you guys anyway, I am going to share with you all my own list of my Top 10 favorite fetishes, all with enough details to make you weak in the knees! To be super honest, I had a hard time picking only ten things, and considering how much porn there is on the internet, and how much of it I actually enjoy, I thought that trying to limit it would be damn near impossible. However, after extensive research (you see how much I sweat for my blogs?), cuts have been made, fetishes have been prioritized, and now I bring onto you the top ten things that make me horny (disclaimer: all fetishes are based on hentai content because... ew, real girls).

Now, I bet you're wondering: how does one rank his or her (because I know you're out there!) favorite fetishes? Is it based on how much of it does he consume every day when he's getting his daily fix? Is it based on which one gives him the hardest erection that's tougher than a diamond? Is it based on whether he's afraid to admit it because he wants to socially accepted and not casted as that weird guy who likes this and that? They are all good questions, but I am making this list based on how much of a personal attachment I have to these fetishes of mine and how much they play into my fantasies.

And by personal attachment, I totally mean my penis, so yes: the list is based on how hard I get.
See what I did there?

Honorable Mention - Bestiality

Hypno gets the bitches

Yeah, this started off kind of strong, didn't it? Well, in case you're afraid of how much extreme the list is going to be if this didn't made the cut, you can relax: the list of fetishes actually get more tame as it goes on... to much of your disappointments, I'm sure. Still, what exactly do I find appealing about an animal that I would want to stick my penis in it? Well... I don't: I like it when women are having sex with animals, especially when they are doing so not because they're forced, but of their own free will (well, as free as the artist chooses, anyway). Seeing girls play with their dogs in a much more intimate fashion is pretty interesting in the sense that it's typically playful... but "playing" with horses is another matter all together: the penis is so big that it feels like the epitome of ultimate pleasure when she sticks it in, and the amount they discharge is enough to have girls shower in it. Plus, any woman horny enough to have sex with an animal is most certainly going to consider me... but seeing as how I lack a big penis myself, chances are that she's going to be quite disappointed. 

Also almost making the cut in its place would be either furries (like half-dog, or half-fox especially, half-human hybrids) and monster girls: those long, forked tongues, cat-like eyes, and unique anatomy makes for some interesting encounters... and some creative sexual position would make me ditch humans. Speaking of encounters, I pretty much wanted to include bestiality because I like seeing Pokemon having sex with humans as well: Hypno seems to be a popular choice amongst artists (hopefully I'll cover that in another rousing, or should I say arousing, article about Pokemon doujinshi: I've been meaning to do a three-parter of that for a while)... as well as Machomps for their muscles, Lickitungs and Gengars for their tongues, Tangela for tentacle sex, Dittos for gooey tentacle sex, and so on. Hey, we gotta raise their Affection meter somehow: you don't want to teach a Pokemon Return and have them deal like 1HP of damage, do ya? Well, then you better take a another good look at the word "grinding" then! 

P.S.: I'm totally attracted to Gardevoir and Miltank (yes, really), but that's another blog.

Number 10 - Futanari

There's always one right around the corner...

Speaking of penises, I am always down with a sexy futanari lady: I don't really know what that word means (Wikipedia says it means something "of two kinds") but in this context, it's going to be referred to women with penises. Now, this is going to confuse people by making them think about shemales, trannies, and hermaphodites, so let me straighten things out (totally not subtle erection joke): I'm talking about actual girls with actual penises, and there's many different types of futanari girls, from the standard being a regular woman with just a penis attached to her, to the deluxe, full-packaged ladies with all of the male fixings you expect a guy to come with (balls, pubic hair, and all). Then there's newhalfs which, to be honest, I can't tell the difference (I think it might be shemales), but if there's two separate tags for it in the anime porn sites I go to, then there's gotta be something past a futanari's veiny, manly monument that I'm just not seeing... and trust me, the thing about futanari porn is that artists like their meat sticks to be like how Americans want their McDonald's french fries: super sized. I want to remind you that, because I like giant penises, bestiality ]almost made the list... and I was sad to see it go. :(

Am I gay? No, of cour- well, actually, since two of the fetishes I cut out were traps (like Bridget from Guilty Gear) and otokonokos (boys in woman's clothing, especially lingerie), you might think so... but I like to think myself as straight, and that's what matters. Either way, I can't explain it, but there's something about a girl having a giant, erect penis that rips past the tough denim jeans she's wearing that makes me start salivating... and that "I totally want to stick it inside you and make you scream like a little bitch" look that she gives me that seems to bind me under her spell (plus, it's a very wonderful to say how much she loves me). As much as I love their giant penises though (I'm talking the size of totem poles!), unforunately, I would not be able to fit it inside my mouth, and I'm sure my poor bum wouldn't handle it either (I'm not Mr. Slave!), so I can't have much fun with them... if they were real, of course. Besides, most futanari porn usually involves lesbians, though there are straight, heterosexual futanari porn... well, as straight as watching a guy get a penis shoved in his ass can be anyway.

Number 9 - Bukkake

That is milk, I assure you!

Another kooky word on the list, "bukkake" is, in a sexual sense at least, when multiple guys (or girls, if they're futanari, because that's hot too) gather around a person to shower them with sperm like a circle jerk, but with a female target; in a nonsexual sense, it could refer to the style of pouring hot broth over a bowl of noodles (I'm going to avoid ordering that to avoid misunderstandings). Even though there's typically no sex during this scene as it usually happens at the end of a group session, and sometimes there's actually no penetrative sex at all, it's interesting to see how many people come together (that wordplay) and donate their fluids to charity... which is probably what her name is: I didn't bother to ask. Either way, there's something about spraying a bunch of sticky, slimy stuff on a woman that makes it feel somewhat perverted, and fun pornographic history fact: bukkake was invented because, since genitals must be censored in accordance to Japanese law, sperm isn't required to be, so this is a way to make a scene feel more hardcore despite that.

Anyway, I chose bukkake because a bunch of my fetishes involves cum on many places, such as their boobs, butts, face, lips, mouth, thighs, feet, genitals, glasses, hands, hair, clothes, panties (especially if there's cum on the inside and she continues to wear it)... so I'm going to cheat by having my cake and eating it too! Well, I mean, I would, if the icing doesn't look so sickening at the moment... but hey, speaking of icing and slathered whipped cream, I think this might just be me, but I wouldn't mind having sex with a woman after a full body bukkake scene (which, in hentai, is entirely possible with even only one participant!): sure, she's dirty and drenched, and chances are some of that stuff is going to rub off on me... but if hentai has taught me anything, it's that sperm smells something like an aphrodisiac to a woman, and if she's going to be in heat, I want to take full advantage of that, even if it means having to use some other guy's sperm as a lubricant... accident or otherwise.

Number 8 - Group

Wonderful 101 indeed...

However "hardcore" bukkake scenes are, there's nothing like seeing people work in tandem to pleasure someone! There's multiple versions of group scenes, such as two males and one female, two females but one male, an equal ratio of men and women... but while I enjoy pretty much all kinds, I am quite partial to the eloquently named "gangbang": seeing one woman handle so many penises at once is pretty exciting, and the scene seems so busy when there's so much going on, and yet only so many minutes in that video player, that you could skip to any part of the video and you're bound to see something exciting... that something being a penis, because there's a lot of them! Plus, gangbangs also seem to empower the female image: gangbangs could be considered a marathon of sorts because while the guys can tag out when they're tired, the woman has to withstand everything by herself (if there's more than one, then it's considered an orgy, I believe), and seeing her beg for more when everyone's tuckered out is inspiring. Seriously, think about it.

My favorite type of gangbangs though involve the previously mentioned futanari lesbians, specifically scenes when the girls with penises have sex with a woman who doesn't (though I'm quite fine with she's rocking one too: the more the merrier!). Why? Because aside from the excessive ejaculations (don't even bother with a mop: just grab a bucket and scoop it up), when I fantasize this type of arrangement, I like to imagine myself invited to this little "get-together", and even though the females all have "party favors", we're all going to be using them on the "birthday girl". In fact, one of my favorite hentai manga involves three futanari girls having a gangbang with the school librarian (who is a total MILF, but we'll get to that later), and I enjoyed the manga so much that I almost wrote out my own version of it: yep, that's right, I would've written smut in my own spare time. It's really just the same story with a little more characterization (I had to add myself in the story: I'm the one who call dibs on the vagina, too!) and some extra scenes to make the story run smoother (did I mention that I actually read hentai manga for the plot sometimes?), but one of these days I'll write it just for the hell of it.

Number 7 - Ahegao

It was hard enough trying to find a videogame image, let alone one safe for work...

You may not be familiar with the term, but if you've seen hardcore hentai (and quite possibly real porn if you're watching someone being overly dramatic), then you've seen what it looks like: you know that heat of the moment when the woman's eyes roll up to the back of their heads, their lips quivering like their face is melting, the way they stick their tongues out and stretch their legs apart as they form the peace sign with their hands (disclaimer: I think it's supposed to be "v for victory", but I'm not going to split hairs)? Yeah, that odd, yet somewhat arousing, dopey look on their face is what an "ahegao" is. Apparently meaning "weird face", "ahegao" is essentially what a woman's face looks like when she orgasms, only taken to such extremes that you'd think she was losing her sanity. There's another, more straight-forward term on these anime sites called "fucked silly", which is virtually the same thing: I think the only difference is that "fucked silly" means that their faces aren't weird enough to be considered "ahegao" (it's much more subtle, and usually more grounded), but it's within the same territory.

And what territory is that? That the woman having sex is obviously enjoying it! Sure, in 99% of hentai, the woman makes it apparent that she really loves sex anyway (even in that rare, 1% instance when they don't, they eventually start to love it within the next chapter, episode or whatever)... but the idea that she loves it so much that she loses her rational thought, as though trading them for increased orgasms, just makes porn much more fun to watch because that's also when she starts to really get into it, usually calling for cocks to be shoved in every hole in her body. I don't know, there's just something about watching a woman lose herself to pleasure that makes it a lot more twisted, and way more enjoyable: maybe it's because I'm a selfless giver, so if I'm enjoying myself, then it's only natural of me to want to make sure that she's going to be enjoying herself... but enjoying herself with a bunch of guys too, because solo female maturbation porn could only last for so long without getting boring, and now that I think about it, solo masturbation scenes are actually quite selfish of her. Tsk tsk: sharing is caring, and that includes orgasms.

Number 6 - Teachers

One of my favorite "Social Links"

Speaking of sharing, that was something my teacher taught me... and recently, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, whose porn has become the cartoon equalivant of Sonic the Hedgehog porn, along with the Winx Club and Totally Spies). Anyway, my teachers have taught me a lot of thing throughout my education: how to solve math problems using equations, how to use correct grammar when writing, how to be the perfect lover... Okay, so maybe not that last one, but one common fetish that a lot of people must have because there's so much porn of it, hentai or otherwise, is sleeping with the teacher to get that easy "A". Think about it: you get to have sex and sleep during class, because you and your teacher are gonna want you to be as well-rested as possible when lunchtime roll around, or you get held back after class for that private tutor session! Not only that, but sleeping with someone who is presumably smarter than you sounds pretty nice: who knows, with the English skills she possess, she could somehow turn talking dirty into a poem! All the rappers do it!

Here's a little flashback to my younger self: right around the time I discovered porn, which is very early in my middle school years, I had (who I thought to be, at least) a pretty hot teacher... and since I knew what sex was, I knew that I wanted to have sex with her, and that's because my penis told me. I remember how nice she was to me, I remember the way she looked when she laughed to something I said funny... and I remember that, if we ever wanted a romantic tryst, we could use the storage room at the back of her classroom: it locks from the inside, and even if there's a small window you could peek through, it's nothing a little scotch tape and a piece of paper couldn't cover up, and she always had those on hand. Yeah, I've been a dreamer for a long time, and I used to fantasize dating a teacher... it's just so unforunate that the ratio of hot female teachers is so, so low that it's pretty damn rare to come across one (that phrasing though!). Think that our age differences would've pose a problem? Not for what's next on my list!

Number 5 - Straight Shota

I don't know what he's complaining about: the view is fine down here...

The last Japanese term on the list itself, "shotacon" is a portmanteau of "Shotaro complex", which means something along the lines of "an attraction to young boys"... not unlike how "lolicon", which refers to a "Lolita complex", is used as "an attraction to young girls". So, while I might have something of an attraction to anime boys dressed in frilly, little lingerie, the one taking the 5th spot is "straight shota", which pretty much entails to young boys having sex with girls who are usually older than them (as opposed to standard shotacon being younger boys having sex with older ones). This is pretty appealing to me because, since I got into porn at a very early age, and most of the hentai I consumed feature very voluptuous women (we'll get to that in a minute) instead of girls around my age, so I was always lusting after them instead. However, since most hentais feature mostly high school students having these sexcapades, I thought I would have to wait until I was older to even begin fantasizing about being with them.

Nope: turns out that, while not animated, there exists hentai images where boys who look like they are probably still in elementary school are having sex with a woman old enough to be their mother (I should mention that, not surprisingly, a lot of these include mother-son incest). Though I sadly had to grow up without having any of these sexual encounters happening to me (especially with my aforementioned teacher, because damn was she a hottie... did I say just that about a realgirl?), sometimes I like to imagine myself as being younger and wondering what it would been like had it happen. It's funny: they always said it's the things that you didn't do that you regret most in your life, and while it wasn't exactly in my control, it might've been totally awesome to lose my virginity when I was still in early middle school... but it's too bad that it's now impossible to make that dream come true (until someone discovers the "fountain of youth" I guess). However, I guess my desire to have sex with an older woman must still be dwelling within me like an unfulfilled dream because my next fetish just so happens to be...

Number 4 - MILFs (Mothers I'd Like to Fuck)

The best example of a videogame MILF

Whether they are actually mothers or not, since this term, like boobs in most anime, seems to be tossed around all willy-nilly... let me just say that I love me some older, more mature women: a beauty mark off the corner of their eyes, a pair of glasses that makes her look extremely intelligent, a nice conversative pantsuit with a bright red lipstick applied, and that leftover layer of fat that remains after pregnancy (I don't know what it's called, but I actually find that attractive... though then again, I find a lot of things attractive, like girls with giant penises capable of slamming through brick walls)... all of it are oh so sexy. Almost anytime I see a mother in animes and such, they're always the first people I go to look up hentai for: would you believe that, from one episode of The Amazing World of Gumball, that I searched up the mother? Pretty much all the "MILF" fantasies I have are the "reverse Ms. Robinson" scenario where I started out dating some girl I met in school... only to set my sights on her mother instead. Don't feel bad for her daughter though: she usually joins in on the fun as well, so it's all good... especially for me!

Some people like their women to be "Christmas cakes", which I'll explain: I'll assume that you know Christmas is on the 25th of December, so let's say that you want to buy a cake to celebrate... obviously, if you buy a cake too early, it'll spoil, but if you buy it after the 25th, they aren't special anymore, so the best idea would be to get it a week beforehand up until Christmas (18th), right? Well, some people think that, for marrying women, it's essentially the same thing: if you marry them too late, they're stale, and if you marry them too early... you go to jail. Humor aside, unmarried women are supposed to be "embarassing" because marriage is a big deal to women in that culture... but because I like my women to have lived a little, I think that, the more experience they have in life, the attractive they are to me... and the more I get to binge on some leftover cake. Speaking of experiences, chances are, these women have had sex enough times to know what they want, and how to get it... so I imagine they're great in bed and are bold enough to take charge (thank you, equal rights!).

Number 3 - Succubus

Whip it... whip it good

But you know what knows how to have mindblowing sex? Succubi: female demons whose sole purpose is to seduce humans and have sex. Sure, these mythological beings might be draining your blood or life force, in addition to taking your sperm, giving them to an incubus (demon male equalivant) to impregnate women with... but I like to imagine that the trade off is well worth it. Anyway, since succubi have been around for a long time, even way back in medieval times where wet dreams were suspected to be their evil-doings... their legends, depictions, and such have all been changed over the course of time: some say they look demonic and frightening, and others say they look so drop dead gorgeous that no man could resist them... and since this is my fantasy, I'm going to go with the latter. I love reading about succubi, and I even bought a Japanese anime artbook/ encyclopedia just so I can... have it collect dust in my possession because, wouldn't you know it, I can't read Japanese (I have looked up some of the mythological names and legends in Google though, and damn would I love a localized version of this book). You can obviously tell that I'm very fascinated by succubi.

And with that fascination comes researching the subject... and while I used the word "research" as an excuse to look up porn earlier in this blog, I actually do mean I read up on succubi. Yeah, I don't know as much as I like, but I hope there'll be a time when I can learn more about them, but either way, the stories I've heard do draw inspiration... and I hope to, one day, write a tragic love story between a human and a succubus in the same vein as the series Spice and Wolf (which, while it doesn't feature succubi, should still be given a shot anyway). Not only do I already have an idea of how I want to story to go (tone, themes, personalities, and all that), but I even have my own idea of what a succubus should look like and how they function along with their own mythology... but that's another blog. Regardless, I never would've gotten into succubi if it weren't for Morrigan Aensland of the Darkstalker series because it was her that not only piqued my interest, but also have been the product of many fantasies, some of which have become ideas for new stories. One day I'll have to dedicate a blog to her, aside how she taught me how to fight. Until then, I'll just offer her my sperm as tribute in the meantime.

Number 2 - Goddesses

Guess who my main's gonna be? Wrong: Mega Man. But she's my alternate.

Since I got plenty of sperm to spare, I might as well offer some of it to the other side of the alignment spectrum: goddesses. Like most of my fetishes, I can't explain it, but there's something about a heavenly women with a halo over their heads, angelic wings, and a motherly sense of comfort that makes me want to rise to the occassion. While that does sounds pretty synonymous with angels, as both of them are practically immortal and can live forever... the word "angel" invokes the image of dainty teenage girls whereas goddess sounds like it belongs to an older woman of some sorts, and I did explain earlier why I'm into older women. I do feel a little weird about the idea of having sex with a goddess though: since it's sex, am I supposed to act like an animal, because I don't want to, like, ruin my shot at heaven by giving into my lust. What would a goddess "feel" like anyway: I can imagine succubus sex would be tight since I assume their bodies are built for wringing the sperm out of you... but then, are goddesses "loose" in comparison? When you put your penis in her vagina, does it feel like soft pillows or clouds?

If it sounds like I'm putting too much thought into it, it's because, as much as I think about succubi having sex with me while I'm sleeping, I like the idea of being with a holy being... and that's because I have such a huge crush on Palutena from Kid Icarus: Uprising that I wish that I could be her servant: she has a very beautiful face, lusciously long hair, some really nice curves, a playfully teasing personality, a motherly-like concern for others, a great sense of humor... which, speaking of her dialogue, is perfectly voiced by Ali Hillis (who also voices Liara T'Soni in Mass Effect and Lightning in Final Fantasy XIII). Sure, I've seen some pretty hot goddesses before, and plenty of them in very porn-like positions surrounded by plenty of ejaculating penises... but even without porn (though that's nice too!) Palutena still manages to singlehandedly (...nah, way too easy) win her way into my fantasies: she's pretty damn close to being my "perfect woman", and the feeling that she's so much like the lovely big-sister type of person is just icing on the cake.

Number 1 - Sisters

I literally can't stop grinning when I look at her!

Maybe it's because Palutena feels like a big-sister does that make her so attractive to me since my number one fetish is brother-sister incest! While my sister doesn't have to be a goddess or a succubus, she does have to be of complete blood relation, which means no step-sisters, no surrogate substitutes, and even half-sisters (who only share one parent with you) don't cut it... though if she happens to be a goddess or a succubus, that's fine too! Ideally, I like to imagine my incest with an older sister because it fits in with the fetish I have for mature women and straight shota... but if she's younger than me yet acts in a really cute fashion, which is apparently the general preference of the many incest hentai that I've read, then I'm good with that as well (especially Nana in Akiba's Trip: Undead and Undressed, who is so unbearably adorable from the clips I've seen that I have to give her a hug)! Now, there's usually a negative connotation when it comes to announcing that incest is my favorite fetish of all time, and no doubt that some of you are raising your eyebrows and slowly moving your pointer to close the tab, but... actually, no "buts": I can't help my interest in them.

Now, I'm no psychologist... but I think my obsession with sisters stems from a combination of my shy personality, a little something about my childhood, and my tendencies to create fantasies for myself: see, I'm not exactly a sociable person in the real world when it comes to males or females so, realistically, the chances of meeting a woman to befriend seems impossible, even to this day. When I was growing up, I used to love the idea of playing house and dolls, even watching "girly" television shows things like Powerpuff Girls, Totally Spies Sailor Moon, and Cardcaptor Sakura... but since I had brothers and guy classmates who were into sports and such, they would make fun of me for liking those things, so I didn't really have anyone to play with. I guess, in my loneliness, I would wonder what it would be like to have a sister, and upon building upon the fantasy, I fell in love with it: hopefully, we would share the same interests and, being that she's my sister, I wouldn't feel too shy around her and we could play together all day, maybe even one day "play house" for real by getting married... which would've sounded a lot more cute if this weren't written in a fetish blog under the incest. Huh.

Anyway, that's a list of my top 10 favorite fetishes, and if you're reading this sentence, then I hope that this means that I didn't creep you out enough to close the tab! What are your favorite fetishes? Comment down below, or if you're brave enough, blog it and go into detail! I'm just gonna run now because, chances are, my list just made me a target for multiple government databases and I need to get a headstart.
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"What is the most life-changing game you've ever played?" That's an easy question for me to answer: Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3. This game is at the very top of the list I made of the Top Ten Favorite Videogames for good reason: I remember always wanting to play it, always wanting to see what happens next in the story, and I became so engrossed in it that you would think I was addicted to it. Seriously, I used to be huddled up in my room, playing it with the lights turned off, staring at the screen with my jaw hanging open and drool seeping out the corner of my mouth for hours in a single day because I was just that into it (I still do that, but mostly when I watch porn).

However, there is a somber side to the story, and in a way, it's a bit tough for me to admit to you fine fellows of Destructoid. If you read the Top Ten blog I linked to above, you probably saw a small snippet of it, but to reiterate: I didn't have many friends for most of my life, so I was mostly self-contained in my own little world; I was pretty much the exaggerated stereotype "gamer" who would sit in his room devoid of sunlight playing videogames. When I went to high school, a lot of people didn't play videogames outside of things like Call of Duty and Halo, and even though I love to play that as well, we couldn't really connect because they were the type of gamers to mostly play multiplayer matches whenever they weren't too busy getting high: they wouldn't even entertain the idea of playing the campaign because they didn't care about setpieces and such as much as they did the numbers on the scoreboard (disclaimer: I got nothing against these types of gamers; I just can't connect to them).


It's not that I don't enjoy the occassional deathmatch, but not 24/7.

Because I also had virtually no interest in almost anything else, I also couldn't really connect with people in general, so for a good chunk of school, whenever it's lunchtime or whatever, I mostly sit in the corner somewhere doing my homework: might as well get it over with so I could devote more time to playing videogames at home, and that money to buy new videogames gotta come from somewhere. As you would imagine, I got lonely pretty quick; I suppose I shouldn't complain, since my school isn't exactly friendly and I wasn't ever really getting picked on despite what a target I seem to be (I even had police officers tell me that I have "that" type of face)... but that might be because a lot of people suspected that I might go crazy one day and bite someone's nose off or something. Regardless, all I could think about when I'm at school is getting home as fast as I can, wrap up any homework I didn't finish, and just sit in front of a television and let reality fade away like the bad dream that it felt like.

When I first read a preview of Persona 3 from a magazine, I knew that I was going to like it. Since I didn't really have a good source of income, I had to be picky with what games I bought, but from the mere premise of the game, I had to try it out for myself. When I bought the game and popped it in after drooled over its stylish character designs and fancy box art (FES is an insult in comparison), the first ten minutes already snagged me in and never let me go: I would play as a student transferring over to a new high school, but when weird things happen, from the moon turning a sickly green and people magically turn into standing coffins, to a fellow student taking out a gun not to aim it at me, but at the temple of her head, it appears that this isn't just some "slice-of-life" videogame that the words "school simulator" would make it out to be. However, things really escaladed when the first full moon appears, as it climaxes with me taking a gun to my head and pulling the trigger, releasing the badass Persona Orpheus inside.


Tell me: do you wanna ride tonight? Then tell me: do you wanna die tonight?

As much as I love Orpheus (not so much Thanatos), I loved the main character even more: I love his design, whether it's his blue hair or his headphones... but the idea that this is supposed to be me, whom I get to dictate not only his name, but what he says, makes me feel like I get to be him. This was even more important to me than playing as Ein in Riviera: the Promised Land because, while I got to choose what Ein says to his harem party, I didn't really feel like I was him... whereas for Decker Young (the name I gave to him because I absolutely hate my real name), not only is he enough of a blank state that I could insert myself into him (...), but I guess we're a lot alike: he doesn't talk much, mostly just going along what others are doing (even nodding his head from time to time) and since he's new to the school, he doesn't have any friends... though that quickly changes when he becomes close with Junpei, the typical slacker, and Yukari, the most popular girl in class (though my preference lies elsewhere).

As soon as I "became" Decker, I started to live out the high school life that I didn't really get a chance to experience, at least outside of studying and taking tests: I quickly made friends with the other kids in class, I joined afterschool club activites, played MMOs (I had, and still have, a shoddy computer incapable of running Runescape), and slain many monsters in many hallways stained with blood... wait, what? Yeah, so it isn't your average high-school experience, because this game also incorporates, if you hadn't figured it out already, urban fantasy, which is pretty much my favorite type of fantasy (besides fetishes): every night at midnight, there's an hour that only an exclusive bunch can experience known as the Dark Hour, and while people are protected in their conjured coffins, the few people who aren't are either hunted down or in danger of being hunted down. So, mixing in with a Power Ranger-esque "sense of duty", not only were you concerned with the daily grind of school, but you also had bigger problems to tackle in the world, even if it makes the former less desirable to dedicate yourself to.


Maybe I'm too tired from saving the world from certain doom?

Unforunately, that line of thinking kind of carried over to the real world. In some ways, it kind of opened my eyes when I made the realization that, hey: the world is in danger; why the hell am I stuck here studying? As hard as I tried in (real world) school to make and keep that A/B honor roll, I never really cared much about it in the grand scheme of things: at that point in my life, I didn't even know whether I was going to college, much less what I wanted to do in the future. When it came to prioritizing my time in the videogame, I wanted to spend less time making good grades and more time hanging out with my friends, especially when each of them are dear to me: hell, even logging into the MMO in-game to talk to "Maya" felt more important to me than school because at least I was making friends (maybe it's because I got a thing for hot teachers, but damn is that one of my favorite Social Links: that confession at the end is just frickin' priceless). In the mirrored real world, I just wanted to play more videogames because, well, it's the same thing: I get to learn about new characters and their stories, and they mean more to me than A's.

I think that's why the ending of this game (as in, big fucking spoiler inbound... though it is essential to the blog) really gets to me: the main character sacrifices himself to save the world, albeit in one of the coolest ways possible. Decker Young had to die in the game... and I kind of wanted to die in the real world. See, I don't have much direction in life, and since I've been rather lonely, I never really got to experience life: yes, many people would kill to live as long as I have, but if you spend most of your day playing videogames, shutting yourself away from the world, are you really alive? Sure, if you "waste" time doing something that you enjoy, then you aren't "wasting" time... but with the clock ticking and no motivation to make something out of myself, what was I really ever going to get out of life: a 9-to-5 job where all I do is work and play videogames? I can't even hold down a part-time job because of the type of person (you could pretty much guess) I am, and obviously I'm not gonna survive long without money. At least Decker died for his friends: if I died, no one would miss me, and those who do would have a pretty hard time coming up with a eulogy, considering how little I interacted with others.


One of the greatest videogame endings I've ever seen: truly magicial.

Yeah, that took a turn for the dark, didn't it? I've been this way for quite some time, and in a way, I never truly healed, even to this day: even though I was granted a scholarship for my good grades that pays a majority of my college tuition, I not only "lost" the scholarship by not going for 3 years (instead, all I did was work at a restaurant, which was a pretty soul-deafening experience)... but even now I'm "wasting" my parent's money by taking a bunch of classes I don't "technically" need just so I feel like I have a goal to work towards (I need 30 elective hours, but seeing as I don't have a major, I just chose any that sounds good, like computer programming). I don't like to talk about this, and even as I type, I'm trying to look past how pathetic I am (it wasn't even a full-time job!). Right now, you are probably thinking about how negative an influence Persona 3 has on me, and in a sense, you'd be right... but it is what it has also given me that, in a way, brought me back to life. You see, it isn't the graphics, the gameplay, or the (admittedly awesome) school simulator that made the game stand so much to me...

It was the narrative: all the characters you meet, the premise of the story, the Social Links, the plot twists... everything stood out and amazed me. Even though I "slacked" in those years after high school, I never stopped gaming (though, in a morbid kind of way, I kind of "had" to keep playing, considering that I had some nasty thoughts I needed to block out), and with every videogame with interesting characters and stories that I got to experience, I found myself so engrossed... no, so enchanted by it, that... that I want to make some of my own as well: I want to write videogames, create my own characters and set up my own stories that hopefully not only captures the player's attention... but to also inspire them. In some ways, Persona 3 really opens up everything my eyes eats: when I look back to older videogames I've played like Tales of Symphonia and even television shows like Boy Meets World (which taught me life lessons that are still engraved in my heart today), I feel like I can better appreciate them because I enjoyed Persona 3's cast of characters and their problems.


Burn my Dread

Unforunately, I have to admit that I really didn't want to write this blog, and I really didn't want to publish it either, especially having said what I just did: as resolute as I sound, if I fail, and considering the circumstances, realistically, chances are that I will fail... then everything might just be for naught. I only wanted to publish this if I actually managed to succeed so I could tell the world what I've been through; I don't really know why I'm writing it now: maybe it's the timing of Chris Carter's article, since it was published shortly after my "Top Ten Favorite Videogames" blog and I wanted to go in-depth for this particular game... or maybe it's that I needed to get it out of my system. Like I said, I've been pretty lonely for most of my life, so I never even found a person to talk to about all of this: it's not like this is the first time I've said these words; it's just the first time someone else listened.

However, maybe it's because I'm naive, or maybe because I'm too optimistic for my own good... but I really hope that everything does turn out alright in the end: much like how Masami Iwasawa in the anime Angel Beats became a musician after being "brought back to life" by music, I hope to one day do the same, but with stories instead. After all, one reason I chose my Dtoid handle as Dreamweaver is not just because I had dreams that I wanted to create...

But to also become the inspiration to allow others to conjure up their own.
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A "Top Ten" list of my "Favorite Videogames of All Time" eh? Truth be told, as much as I entertained the idea, I never really wanted to make one of these: not only are there amazing games constantly coming out, but a lot of games I have enjoyed quite a lot have come and went in and out of my memories... so when I am thinking about the eligible candidates, it's hard to consider everything, especially since I can hardly remember what I had for dinner yesterday (I swear that it's leftovers... but that could also be deja vu!). Not only that, but I'm also a bit biased: I don't want all my games to be from one generation, or one system/handheld, so I feel like I need to change one game, which then ruins the integrity of my list. And that's not even considering that I believe a lot of "Top Ten" lists will come out the same... though I guess we'll know for sure when Solar Pony Django finishes his analysis of the community (major props to you!).

So, you know what, I'm making this list as my current "Top Ten Favorite Videogames of All Time", so that way, if I change my mind, then I can always make a new list... like Mass Effect's Mordin's stance on the Genophage: during Mass Effect 3, Shepard questions why Mordin, who helped created the "deadly" virus to the race of Krogans, regrets what he have done since he's also making a cure for it... to which he replies that he doesn't, because he believes the Genophage was the right decision at the time, and that now, the cure is the right decision at the moment, just like how I'm viewing this "Top Ten" list. Also, I'm fickle as fuck, so deal with it (I say this with love!).

Anyway, before I start this list off proper, I want to mention a couple of things: as a disclaimer, every game I've chosen on this list is a game that I might or might not have some kind of sentimental value towards. I say this because, while there are obviously some games that are so jaw-droppingly amazing that you would think I'm not sane enough to have played yet exclude, some games means more to me than others, and seeing as how this is my "Top Ten" list, then all the more reason that I have to tailor my list to me. That being said, there is one game I absolutely have to give an honorable mention to because, although I have never played it, I think I would absolutely love it.


Honorable mention: Akiba's Trip: Undead and Undressed (PS3)

When I first heard of the original Akiba's Trip back on the PSP, I knew that I had to import it: a game where you create yourself and run around Akihabara to strip vampires of their clothing while using wacky items to smack their resistance out of them was something of a dream of mine. While the technical aspects of the game was disappointing (the scale of the city felt too small and empty, and the loading screens are long and plentiful), and the fact that I couldn't read Japanese stopped me dead in my tracks to get any further than the first couple of missions... I love the novelty of the game. Aside from the art style and the ability to deck yourself out in dozens of clothing and dozens of weapons (ranging from umbrellas and toy swords to laptops and plasma screen TVs), the game was oozing otaku charm out of it: when you see ads for animes and companies during loading screens, and seeing anime posters plastered everywhere, really replicates all the pictures I've seen of Akiba.

I'm sure to love the second game. Not only is it in English, but there's English voice acting as well, and to me, that's a big thing. The combat looks better than before (I have a love/hate relationship with the original, where you had to fight against multiple enemies with a control scheme clearly made for 1v1 encounters) and even more frantic, with the ability to both have a partner and perform Unison Strips together (what an awesome friend)! The city looks bigger and, seeing some comparison photos, looks so close that, chances are, this is as close to Japan as I'm ever going to get. I also love games with decision-making and various paths, and I heard that one path allows you to get so close to your cute little sister that you get to take a bath together (brother-sister incest is my all-time favorite fetish... oh, don't give me that look: it's a game about stripping people in public and this is what weirds you out?)! If I ever update this list, this has to be on it.


Number 10 - The World Ends with You (DS/ iOS)

One thing I love about Feel the Magic: XX/XY (which did not make the cut) was how interesting it utilizes the Nintendo DS's full capabilities, but once I heard The World Ends with You had combat that has you control two separate characters on two separate screens, I was immediately interested: using the stylus, you would control the main character on one screen, and then control his partner with either the D-Pad or the face buttons (depending on whether you had the stylus in your left hand or right). Not only that, but it also used the microphone for certain attacks, and even use the internal clock system within the handheld itself: whenever you ate something for stats, you would need to digest it by doing battles, but you couldn't eat again until enough real-time has passed. Or, and ingenius enough, if you haven't played in a while, you get free XP to make up for lost grinding opportunities: this game thought of it all!

However, don't think gimmicks are the only reason it makes the list: the premise is interesting, as it stars a social outcast named Neku who involve a game where he must team up with a partner and succeed... or die within a week. That alone is pretty tense, but the twists and revelations throughout are pretty damn epic themselves, and some even hits directly in the feels; the nice bonus scenario that mocks the somber nature of the main game is a great epilogue as it contrasts from the main events. However, I can not talk about this game and not mention the awesome soundtrack is: a mix between English vocals and the original Japanese, the Jpop songs are catchy and fit the mood and atmosphere perfectly, and while I haven't bought the soundtrack for this game like I have with MadWorld and Anarchy Reigns, it's well worth Youtubing and downloading off of iTunes, which you can also download an iOS port of this game if it's still up.


Number 9 - Kid Icarus: Uprising (3DS)

I never played the original games, but I had to take a chance with this one: Pit was one of my go-to characters in Super Smash Brothers: Brawl, and not only did the game seem fun, but the trailers made it as one of the funniest games out there, and as a big comedy-lover (Portal 2, unforunately, does not make it on this list), I had to play it. However, and embarassingly enough, the main thing that actually pushed me over the edge to buy it was that not only was Palutena such a beauty that I was absolutely smitten upon first sight (goddesses are, like, my 7th favorite fetish), but the fact that she was voiced by Ali Hillis (Liara from Mass Effect, Lightning from Final Fantasy XIII) made me so ectastic that you would think I was paying to sleep with her... which, I'm not gonna lie, I would do. Regardless, the game ended up being one of my favorite games, and one that I talk about constantly to anyone who is considering buying a 3DS.

While most people would disagree with the ground controls, which admittedly hurts my hands before I switched the camera control to the face buttons... the air portions of the game, as brief as they are, were reminiscent of Star Fox 64, and were so much fun. The entire game was great though: with a loot-based system, you could try to hunt down the best version of your favorite weapon, or fused others to get better stats, and with varying difficulties (based on numbers, from anywhere from 1.0 to 9.9, I believe), you can make it as easy or as tough as you need. The best part of the game is the story, with legitimate plot twists I didn't see coming (I can't even tell you how many chapters there are because that would ruin one of the best gags!), to the funny jokes and jabs voiced by some of the most energetic cast I've heard since Saints Row: The Third/ IV. If they announce a sequel, I could literally die at the mention alone (so don't tease me!).


Number 8 - Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (PS3)

The first Uncharted game, Drake's Fortune, was a pretty good adventure: while it didn't do anything amazing, the characters were great (Sully and Eddy Raja stood out to me), their interactions were better, and the game featured some of the prettiest graphics early in the PS3's lifespan. However, the sequel goes way beyond its predecessor by showcasing explosive moments and spectacular set-pieces, making the game look so busy and so fast-paced that it's often touted as an interactive blockbuster movie, and for good reason: the plot may not be overly complicated, but it's simple yet twisting and turning enough to surprise you, there's plenty of poigant moments sprinkled here and there, and it's a fun rompt from start to finish. It's so much like a movie that, once you start, chances are you aren't going to stop until the credits roll: yeah, it's that damn good, and while it lasts more than 120 minutes, it's gonna feel like much less.

Not only is the single-player of some decent length, it still manages to pack the lone disc with so much content that it could only be on Blu-Ray: collectibles are abundant, and they can be used to unlock things like concept art, character skins, cheat codes (hey, remember when we didn't pay for those?), and even behind-the-scenes videos, for those who are interested in how videogames are made. As someone who occassionally likes to watch these kinds of things after movies, the comparison between this game and a film is strikingly apt! I have, on numerous occassions, recommended this game to anyone looking to buy a PS3 or a game to go with it, and while I never got to see those people again, I like to believe that they made the right choice listening to me, and that they were drooling at the thought of playing the next game in the series once they finished (which is rightly deserved, seeing as Drake's Deception is a great installment).


Number 7 - Mass Effect 3 (PS3/ Xbox 360/ PC)

There's something about the final game in a "series" (in this case, the end of Commander Shepard's story) that fills me with anticipation and a depressing longing: I'll go through the game, wondering which characters are in it and what will be their final outcome, with the sad melancholy that this might be the last time I'll see them again. The idea that your choices from previous games could be carried over is an even better way to end the trilogy, as characters would reveal the consequences of your choices and their stances on your decision (playing through it again, because I used the very-limited Genesis 2 comic included with the Wii U edition, "I" destroyed a certain side-character's data, and now one of my favorite characters openly displays his suspicions of me... and that's before learning the fate of another beloved character as a result). For these reasons alone, Mass Effect 3 has become something more than just a game: it has become an experience, shaped by the choices you make, the words you say, and the bond between your brothers and sisters (huh: I'm suddenly reminded of my love for incest).

I'd said many times now how much I love the Indoctrination Theory and the Citadel DLC, but I can't help it because these two things have greatly enhanced my enjoyment of the trilogy. The Indoctrination Theory, as convoluted as it may be, makes the ending feel so much more nuanced than it seems (let's keep your debates solely on how much you hate my list, please :P)... but Citadel DLC was not only one of the funniest sections of the game, but it was the perfect way to end the series: in case you don't want to click the link provided, in short, Citadel allowed me to say goodbye to the characters we love by hanging out with them in one big party for one last time, and every Squadmate sans Legion (seriously, dude gets no love) makes an appearance. While I certainly didn't cry, as I was too busy laughing the whole time, I did get hit in the gut with enough feels at the end when I realized just how much I'll miss my teammates.


Number 6 - Pokemon Blue/Red (Gameboy/ Gameboy Color)

Maybe it's the nostalgic kid inside me (...), but I really love the original generation of Pokemon: even though I've got new favorites and old (one day, I'll make a list), the first 151 monsters hold a special place in my heart, and have been the basis of many dreams, fan-fictions, and desires to see in every Pokemon game. I couldn't tell you how excited I was when I heard you could get not only two starters in Pokemon Y/X, but that one of them is a Kanto starter: you'd think someone had successfully created a Pokemon and were giving one to me! Hell, the Pokemon Trainer in Super Smash Brothers: Brawl gave me wet dreams for months: not only is he the representative of the original Pokemon games, but you could switch between Ivysaur, Charizard, and my personal favorite Squirtle, in battle, and their Final Smash was them working together in unison! As you can tell, his exclusion makes me very sad (Charizard is cool, but Squirtle is king). :(

As for the game itself, it was one of the first "adventure" games (and JRPGs) that I've ever played that felt like a journey instead of going through segmented levels, even if it was still structured linearly, so I felt like there was a wide world to explore... not to mention dozens of Pokemon to collect and manage. Sure, the newer entries to the series have all significantly added and improved the game (Pokemon Silver/Gold had all these fancy new mechanics and we all fondly love Secret Bases in [Sapphire/Ruby), but the original was the start of it all to many, especially me, and the fact that I've replayed it so many times means that it's practically implanted into my brain: when Twitch Plays Pokemon first started, I spent hours watching it, living in old memories like an old man looking back (...in addition to seeing all of the fabulous fan followings that spawned, such as the Helix Fossil, the False Prophet, Bloody Sunday, and more).


Number 5 - Super Mario 3D World (Wii U)

As the only Wii U game on this list, you would think, since I recently bought and played this, that I'm putting this on the list because it's still so fresh in my mind, but that's not actually the case: the reason that I'm putting this on my list is because it's still fresh in my heart. See, I grew up playing Mario games, and while I regret not having played the Gamecube/ Nintendo Wii games (long answer short: I lacked time and funds), Super Mario 3D World combines the exploration and world design of Super Mario 64 (even has some of the animations, such as the backwards jump off the top of trees, or that weird "butt spank" running jump thing) and the linearity of the 2D games, and I love it for it: it doesn't feel as constricted as the 2D games, but it doesn't have a sprawling area to explore and get lost in (which, while I love that in an RPG... for a platformer with a timer, that's actually a good thing). Plus, like Super Mario USA, you can select from the same cast of characters, plus an awesome addition very late in the game!

Speaking of old games, this game takes the very best aspects of all of the Mario games (besides the epic showdowns with Bowser where you grab his tail and spin him around like a curling ball, Koopalings... and Yoshi!) and blends them together until it feels just right: from start to finish, I was in love with this game, and I collected more coins and stars than necessary, even a few stickers here and there, because I wanted to see how much of it I could complete, and so few games nowadays actually makes me want to do that. Plus, the levels and variety always kept me on my toes, and seeing some old obstacles to jump through or old enemies to fight (this game even has the Bullies from Super Mario 64!) made me nostalgic: when I first ran through the levels and saw the tanks similar to the one in Super Mario Brothers 3, it brought about feelings of amazement... and anger, because to this day, I could never get past that segment (thankfully, that's not the case here!). I could go on and on about the fireworks that accompanies flag poles, the warp pipes that lets you skip worlds, and the Tanooki Suit...

But hey, don't take my word for it: Chris Carter gave it a 10 out of 10, and we can all trust him.

...He gave The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds a what now? (Just teasing ya :P)


Number 4 - Child of Eden (PS3/ Xbox 360)

You just did a double-take, didn't you? Couldn't believe that such a game could be on the list, especially so high up? Well, this game was so amazing to me that I couldn't not mention it: if you didn't click the link to one of the only few blogs I ever managed get promoted to front page, then know that ever since I saw it being played on E3, I knew that I have to play it, and the day it came out is the same day that I bought the Kinect for the Xbox 360; the fact that I never used the Kinect for any other game pretty much meant that I only bought the Kinect exclusively for this game. It looks so beautiful, the music sounds so entrancing, and it plays so well, that I immediately fell in love with the game, to the point that I felt like I was inside it... I felt like the world literally melted away and all there was was me and the screen, and the fact that I'm not holding a controller helped me lose myself into this dreamlike world of floating butterflies in space, or squidlike creatures of the sea.

Although motion controls can be looked at with such distain for good reason, as a lot of it is either unnecessary or boils down to pointless waggling, with few exceptions like The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword or Dance Central (You want to defend motion control? Go write about it!), this game singlehandedly showed me that motion controls in videogames could prove to be benefical to the experience, making you feel even more immersed in a game when you're the one playing: switching hands to change the way you shoot makes it fun and more dynamic than pushing a button, and timing your "attacks" in sync with the beat allows you to mentally mute everything but the music, which is catchy and well worth listening to. As I said in my blog: if you could play this game with the Kinect but chose a controller instead, you are cheating yourself.


Number 3 - The Ico and Shadow of the Colossus Collection (PS3)

Speaking of cheaters, yes: I did cop out and included a collection as a single game. So sue me. Anyway, if you couldn't tell by my personality, I'm something of a fantastical dreamer: I love beautiful imagery, from something surreal like a lone shooting star in the night sky, to something seen only in drawings like a girl slowly disintegrating into dozens of cherry blossom petals that get blown by the gentle breeze... so naturally, I feel drawn to games like these. Ico may take place in a dark castle, with shadow-like enemies trying to overwhelm you, but when you step outside and see the bright, glowing sun radiating off Yorda's soft, white skin as you hold her hand, the scene becomes something like a painting, and since the game utilizes no HUDs, it's much more beautiful to look at. By contrast, Shadow of the Colossus might be a little too bleak and grey, giving a heavy depressing tone (not a complaint), but when you ride your horse through a desert to jump off and land on a dragon's wing after shooting it down, there's nothing but sheer awe as it carries you through a sand storm hundreds of feet above the ground.

Even better than the imagery, which by how I made it sound, means it must be damn impressive... is the minimalist storytelling, where it's simple, yet subtle, and you're left to infer what just happened more or less on your own... so, pretty much, the videogame equalivant of indie films. Seriously though, the tale about Ico and Yorda is one of my personal favorites not because it satisfies a certain fetish of mine (coughstraightshotacough), but because the last part of the game is truly memorable (which, while I will not spoil, involves trying to get blood from stone...), and the story of Shadow of the Colossus is no slouch either, as the ending climaxes a certain gradually "change" that's been happening since the very first time you slay a colossus, and seeing the awesome twist at the end, as well as the tragedy that follows, is a heartwrenching blow. While both games originated as PS2 games, the HD collection is the best way to play (especially since it uses the PAL version of Ico) and seeing as how cheap and short it is, give it a go!


Number 2 - Grand Theft Auto V (PS3/ Xbox 360 - PS4/ Xbox One to be released)

"Grand Theft Auto V!? Boo! Hiss!" *throws chair*

Okay, you're probably wondering how Grand Theft Auto V could be anywhere near a list like this... but it deserves a spot since I spent dozens of hours in this game within the first week because I couldn't put it down: it was that awesome. Utilizing not one, not two, but three protagnists, Grand Theft Auto V manages to blow me away with its fun, silly single-player (a stark contrast to Grand Theft Auto IV's somber story) by having three different personalities come together in varying ways in other to help each other get rich. Switching between characters is simple yet amazing to look at everytime, and seeing them go about their daily lives when you're not playing as them is pretty cool: they'll sit at home and watch TV, finish eating lunch before complaining about it, or wake up in the middle of the mountains, wearing nothing but a dress, and having no mode of transportation. Speaking of views, one thing that impresses me is the draw distance: I don't know what kind of tricks they're using, but being able to fly a helicopter and see the city stretch for seemingly forever is pretty cool.

People say the best part of the game is creating havoc on the unsuspecting world, especially with cheat codes, but to me, aside from doing that odd "jump and ragdoll" thing that everyone loves to do (I'm not gonna lie, if it didn't outright kill people, I'd be doing it in real life)... the campaign had some pretty stellar moments, like shooting down gangsters and running from the cops after a drug deal gone wrong (in the Grove Street cul-de-sac, no less)! And obviously, the heists are a big attraction: sure, they're limited in both numbers and actual functionality, but the missions themselves are pretty cool to play through, and some of the later ones felt controller-gripping tense. Heck, one of heists pays tribute to the movie Heat whilst the other is a nod to the North Hollywood police shootout! The campaign impressed me so much with both its amazing setpieces, the solid satire that Rockstar is known for (I wish there was another Princess Robot Bubblegum episode), and the engaging storytelling that rarely, yet only occassionally, falls flat... that Grand Theft Auto V is one of the few games that lived up to the hype it built up, and then some.


Number 1 - Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 (PS2/ PSP)

I never played a Shin Megami Tensei game prior to this, so I didn't immediately rave about it by the name alone. However, when I read a preview about this one, I was immediately interested: playing as a student transferring to a new high school, you get tangled up in some dangerous affairs involving killing monsters and saving the world, which is pretty cool in itself... but the premise that you must do this and manage your daily life by going to school, keeping up with your studies, and even hanging out with friends, is a premise that I totally get behind. When I bought this game, the story has me hooked from start to "finish", and the school simulator, which has you raising stats like Academics and Charm to get good grades and become friends with other students, actually has me trying to figure out the best way to balance school life, and the fantasy life of getting strong enough to kill monsters... or even a part-time job, should I want the extra money: think of it as Final Fantasy with elements of The Sims mixed in.

While it certainly isn't perfect, and remains to be one of the most difficult games I've ever played (I actually haven't beaten it: I had to Youtube the rest, hence the "finished" part), I love everything about it: the cast of characters are cool and are well worth knowing more about (Social Links reminds me of short visual novel scenarios!), the art style is stylish enough to really stand out, the monster designs are very cool and oddly sexual-looking, and the gameplay innovates the turn-based combat with its "Once More" weakness-exploiting mechanic and the humorous but devastating "All Out Attack". The story, particularly the ending, really stands out to me: while I can't really divulge much about it without spoiling it (and since this is numero uno, I would want you all to play it unspoiled), it's something of a personal matter to me because... well, I want to actually write an entire blog about this, but this game acts like something of a "fantasy fulfillment" to me because... I was very lonely in high school, and the idea of hanging out with friends, whether we're studying for the test or going out to save the world (that also doubles as a test, I suppose), even in the virtual world, really meant a lot to me.

Whew!

Well, that's my "Top Ten" list of videogames, and even if you don't agree, I hoped that I didn't bore anyone to tears! I'm aware that I'm leaving out some amazing games like The Last of Us, Metal Gear Solid: The Legacy Collection (which would've been a bigger cheat than number 3), and so much more, but with only 10 slots, I had to pick and choose from a wide set. In fact, while making this blog, I've actually written slots for several games, then deleted them to replace them with another... which, in hindsight, I should've saved those in case I ever wanted to make a list of "Top Ten games that didn't make the 'Top Ten Favorite Videogames of All Time' list".

Yeah, I'm unoriginal like that.
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When I first held Mass Effect in my hands, it costs only 20 bucks for a brand new, still sealed copy... but even then, I wasn't too sure whether I should pick this game up or not: it didn't look too fun, and my 20 bucks could be better spent. However, the one thing that caught my attention about this game, and what eventually pushed me to finally take it to the register, was the idea that, by importing save data, your choices in this game would be carried over to the next game in the trilogy, and that save onto the next. On that novelty alone, I decided to take a chance on this game, and I'm glad I did: while the gameplay didn't exactly blow me away, I loved the universe BioWare has created, and the characters, from the best friend Garrus Vakarian to the badass Urdnot Wrex, are characters that too memorable to ever forget.

I also quite enjoyed not only making my character, but also making choices that could've had reprecussions, or saving graces, in future games. Admit it: for some important decisions, some of us sat there staring at the screen, comtemplating whether the choice we were about to make are going to be the one that's right... or the one that's gonna bite us in the ass. Sure, some of us might not have cared, or having the technical knowledge, know that most of our choices are going to wind up virtually negligible... but the game mechanic made me consider the rammifications of my actions, and as a result, make me even more invested into this world. After all, if my decisions could affect characters, such as whether they'll live or die, then I want to make sure we see this trilogy through (I still can't get over a certain side-character's death because of a choice in ME2).

Mass Effect 3 is probably one of the most remembered game in the trilogy, but it's not because it has amazing setpieces, awesome graphics, emotional scenes or things like that... it's because everyone who played it, or listened to the word of mouth, believes that the ending is a complete and utter disappointment. The ending leaves a bad taste on a lot of people's mouths, and they feel like their dozens-of-hours-long journey, despite getting to meet all the characters we love or experiencing all the awesome scenes we've watched, has all been for naught. I'll admit, when I first beat the game, I may not have found it as bad as people said it was (of course, the amount of hate was pretty damn huge back then), but to say that it was a disappointment was right on the mark. However, there was one thing about the ending that I love...

And that was the birth of the Indoctrination Theory.


And Marauder Shields

Now obviously, when someone's talking about the ending of a series, there going to be some spoilers inbound. However, it's important to note that this blog is less about explaining the Indoctrination Theory as it is explaining why I love it so much. That being said, let's talk about what the Indoctrination Theory actually is: the Indoctrination Theory is this fan-generated idea that the ending of Mass Effect 3 shouldn't be taken at face value... because it's meant to be a something of a dream sequence, where the events, after a certain point in the ending, aren't really happening... but rather, it's all a figment of Commander Shepard's mind. Now, if you're as obsessed about videogames as I am, you probably already thought about the other videogame "conspiracies" out on the web, the closest comparison to this game being the whole "Squall is Dead" theory, which I will also summarize.

At end of Final Fantasy VIII's Disc 1, Squall is severely wounded and falls off a ledge. However, even though Squall is okay enough to continue his adventure on the other two remaining discs, a fan have complied evidence that Squall isn't actually alive from that point of the game forward... that instead, he is either dead or near death, and is dreaming the rest of the game. There's an article that goes in depth, but to bring up a few points of the theory: the first third of the game has been fairly realistic, and immediately after his "death", the game suddenly become much more fantasical, and Squall has some of his wishes and desires "fulfilled". Furthermore, there's also the weird ending sequence that a fan suggest is supposed to be Squall actually dying, albeit in a much more creepier fashion. You can read more of that theory here.

For Mass Effect 3's Indoctrination Theory, it runs a similar case: during the final push to break through enemy lines in a hail-mary shot to make it to the Citadel via a levitating beam, Commander Shepard is hit by a Reaper's laser, which is devastating enough to destroy buildings. However, Spehard somehow manages to "survive", and this is supposefully where the "dream" sequence starts: the rest of the game, from reaching the Citadel, having that tense standoff with Anderson and the Illusive Man, and even talking to the Catalyst, is essentially all just an illusion, an attempt for the Reaper to "indoctrinate" (influence their mind, thoughts, and behavior) the most politically powerful person in the galaxy. There's tons of evidence of why it's a dream, including a couple of hour-long documentaries, that you can check out, but in case you don't have that much free time, you can check the short, 22+ minutes video here.


I've seen this video about a half a dozen times by now... and thought about it often.

Now that you've seen the video (unless you've seen it already), whether you enjoy it or not, you could probably tell why so many people hate the theory: despite making, in my opinion, very good points, and some of the evidence being taken from the books itself, people believe that fans are just "reaching" for a hidden meaning behind the ending because they are unwilling to accept the idea that the ending just plain sucks. It's kind of how some people who invested in an expensive, fancy gadget that they hate try to overlook its flaws in order to justify that they didn't waste money on such a stupid appliance: people don't want to believe that the ending could be so... blah, and that days, weeks, or even years, they spent in this universe lead up to that point be all for naught. However, whether you believe in the Indoctrination Theory or not, there's still the most important aspect of that theory that everyone can all agree on: so what if it is true?

If Commander Shepard truly is near death at the end of the game, and hallucinates the rest of the adventure until the eventual credits roll, then what truly happens next? Keeping in mind that this is before the Extended Cut DLC, even if Commander Shepard is fighting to resist Reaper indoctrination by not falling for its mind game (the Indoctrination Theory states that choosing the Control or Synthesis ending means succumbing to its indoctrination, whereas chooing to Destroy the Reapers means you successfully reject it)... then what now: the ground forces are demolished, the remaining forces are pulling back, and all the Reapers standing guard at the beam is seemingly advancing on the retreating enemy. Furthermore, even if Shepard rejects indoctrination, or hell, even  submits to it... what's the point if the Reapers are still going to steamroll through our galactic forces? What, did they just wanted to see if the galaxy's strongest leader will break?

Speaking of the galactic forces, and a common complaint for the ending whether you believe in the theory or not, the game doesn't really take your choices into account for its ending: sure, by reaching certain points of your EMS meter, you can unlock more choices to make at the very end... but no matter how much of an alliance you have, whether it's an army of Krogans, Salarians, Turians, etc., they will all retreat after you get knocked the fuck out. If one of the biggest things the game has going for it, the sense that your choice "matters" because of the ability to import saves between games, then why does the conclusion take pretty much none of that into effect? For example, if I convince Jack to let her student support the forces with biotic shielding, I want to see them defending me, and that goes for all the alliances I've made. By now, you're probably thinking "hey, it sounds like you really do hate the ending of Mass Effect 3 like us", and you're kind of right... but like I said, the Indoctrination Theory really makes up for it.


For many fans, this was enough.

So now you're asking why am I so in love with this fan theory... Well, other than the idea of loving crazy conspiracies (we didn't land on the Moon back then!), it's also because I love the idea that Shepard's final battle isn't against the Reaper forces in the sense of a grand scale invasion, which admittedly would've been cool... but that his final battle is a personal matter that he has to get through on his own. Sure, Shepard has many friends to stand by him, and the game pretty much revolves around his connection to his squadmates... but for the final section of the game, there's no longer someone to help watch your back, and no one to turn to in case things go from bad to worse. Not only that, but the one time he should have someone with him, he doesn't: he's been blasted and injured, bleeding out of his wounds as he walks with a limp... yet he pushes on to save the rest of the galaxy knowing that every second he's not moving, dozens of more people will die: his determination to see things to the end is the sign of true strength right there.

I also find the scene with the Illusive Man and Anderson to be even more enjoyable than when I first played it (which says a lot because it was one of the few scenes, particularly Anderson's final moments, to be one of my favorite parts of the series without the Indoctrination Theory) because it wasn't a traditional "boss fight": rather than duking it out with the Illusive Man like we did Kai Leng, we simply chat with him, trying to get him to see things our way before eventually either shooting him ourselves, or convincing him that he's indoctrinated and he must do it himself. However, with the Indoctrination Theory, it adds another layer to this scene because, according to the theory, Anderson represents the part of Shepard's mind that's resilient to indoctrination (the subsconscious mind), and that the Illusive Man represents the part of the mind that is already indoctrinated to force Shepard to succumb to him. I especially like Anderson's role in this scene because, if he is Shepard's mirrored self, then the talk they had before he rests in peace is even more feels-worthy, as it's like his subconscious mind is telling Shepard that it's time to rest (Anderson is my absolute favorite side-character, and not because I want to romance Keith David).

I mean, we know how much of a badass Shepard could be: we seen him take down the toughest enemies, seen him survive the most dangerous of situations, seen him die and come back to life to continue fighting (even if Cerberus had the best scientists reviving him, his will must be pretty damn strong if he felt what death feels like and still want risk going through it again)... but the idea that the final confrontation between him and the Reapers being a battle only in his mind is a pretty cool twist, and something that the player themselves has to somewhat acknowledge and recognize (because hey, that scene isn't exactly so easy to read if it births the most convoluted theory I've ever heard for a videogame), in order to abstain from doing anything but outright destroying the Reapers. I like it when the "game" (remember that the Indoctrination Theory is a fan-based one, albeit one that could be BioWare's "original" intentions) extends across the television set and brings the player into it by asking them if they can see through the deception.


With the Indoctrination Theory, 3 choices is all I need.

For that reason, out of all the times I have played Mass Effect 3, I have not chosen any other endings but "Destroy": in my eyes, Destroy has been the only option because I want to believe that Shepard (who, in a sense, is me) did not fall for any tricks, and if my EMS is high enough, that he even has a chance to "survive" (if one counts trying to breathe with piles of rubble crushing his face "surviving"). Also... I don't like the Reapers, so why do I want to Control them or, worse yet, merge with them via Synthesis? Furthermore, even if the Indoctrination Theory doesn't provide an "ending" per se (as the hallucination starts from the moment Shepard is struck by a Reaper), that's okay with me because, in a sense, I think it's better for the game that we don't really know if we're going to win or lose: for most of the trilogy, we saw things mainly through Shepard's eyes because, as BioWare stated, this is Shepard's story, so if they went far enough to disable ME2 saves if Shepard is dead, then I like to think that the story ends when Shepard does, even before the end of the war of the races. Hell, for all we know, the Reapers won and the next entry will feature new races in a new galaxy trying to prevent the next cycle (calling it now: Liara cameo)!

I like videogames with open-ended endings because it allows players who experienced it to see it the way they want to see it (kind of like the whole "glass half-full/half-empty" thing), and while BioWare and thousands of others insist that Mass Effect 3 ended on a "that really did just happen" note, I like to believe in the Indoctrination Theory because not only did it spark quite the debate back in the day (which, from what I've seen, revolves around people who believe BioWares' staff are godly writers, and people telling them to shut the fuck up)... but because it gave me a different way to view the ending, and a different thing to take away from it: sure, many people will see Mass Effect 3 ending as the horrible, illogical, seemingly rushed conclusion that wasted their time... but the Indoctrination Theory shows me that this is truly Shepard's story, not necessarily his legacy, and that he went through eveything to either give up at the end... or stick to his guns and resist Indoctrination like Saren and the Illusive Man before him.

Now, you can say that you don't believe in the Indoctrination Theory, and you can even ridicule me for liking it, even after the DLCs that pretty much all but explicitly debunks it (I'm surprised it wasn't mentioned at all in the tongue-in-cheek Citadel DLC that I absolutely loved). However, to me, it's one of the best gaming conspiracies I have ever heard, and as far as I'm concerned, I can't unsee the ending as anything more than the Reaper's attempt to indoctrinate Shepard... nor do I want to. It gives a better context to the ending, in my opinion, and hey: if the Indoctrination Theory is what makes me enjoy a game more, then isn't that what makes it okay?
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