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Scuttling from the low lying valleys and long dried, long dead, long grass of California's Central Coast valley, Hayden Robel (aka Draco, aka your Messianic, omnipotent lord and savior) has been playing games since the vestigial outgrowths of embryonic, womb-bound, thumb tissue developed enough to sustain button mashing. He is currently biding his time until Fall of 2013 wherein he will be enrolled at San Francisco State University as an English (Creative writing)/ Journalism major.

God writing in third person is both narcissistic and a chore...ON YOUR KNEES PEONS!
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Draco
7:44 PM on 12.30.2012




[An introductory post…]


Greetings and salutations everyone! O and I forgot… {Replace the D in Duck} YOU!{Luck of course!} Yep, here comes a new hack job, wannabe writer attempting to blog about videogames, the perpetual existentialistic crisis that is the chronological skid-mark of my life, cartoons, Japanese cartoons, the fully “developed” “females” featured in Japanimation {Otakus bite me}, my exploits to kidnap Hideo Kojima/Cliff Bliszinski to breed a chimera hybrid to be called the Kojinski, the brilliance that is the wii zapper/vitality sensor, and what is probably kin to none but a miserable pile of little secrets {you get a cookie from the bowls of my grease caked innards if you get the reference}, and by secrets I mean the chocolate, partially digested, muddy excrement that comes after a night of binging mountain dew whilst inhaling a side of Keighly endorsed but actually, har, har, not, Halo branded not-so-nacho-cheese Doritos {“pathetic attempt at topical humor” }. If you’ve made it this far and have not already vomited from visual feast of vernacular spittle and forced comedy present, GET OUT NOW! It’s not gonna get any better than this {And, honestly man, seriously re-evaluate what you’re doing with your life} With a most likely ill-informed, if not biased, contrived persona of self-deprecating humor, a presumptuous, pedantic, privileged, pandering, did I mention pathetic, voice of “reason” I will endeavor to post semi-annually my thoughts and perspective on the greatest contraceptive yet crafted to maintain young/middle-age basement dwellers virginity: videogames.

Okay...I’m tired, need a swig of mtn. dew….

I am {insert internet anonymous age here} year old who, well, loves playing games {more than women, but not the 2d japanime ones} and who’s only modicum, mote of talent lies in the ultimately utilitarian useless medium of writing {I still love it…not more than the 2d japanime chicks though}. If anyone’s still reading this, first of all, you’re a masochist, second of all pat yourself on the back, hope you had a timer on hand for how much time clocked wasted on this post. But, in all sardonic sincerity left rotting in my lipid-encrusted heart, I’ve always wanted to write about games, and thought a blog would be best start. I don’t, nor have a large enough pulsating, sweaty, vein writhing, odiferous wafting, “ego” to consider myself an “expert” by any means, I’m anything but, but I do have an cardiac-clogging passion for videogames, the artform as a whole {a surely to be platitudinous blog post that seems inevitable for a different time} and, with the magic of the internet, a pedestal to preach my “opinions” {if you can call my urine stream of conscious style splatter a sorry excuse for writing}. Rambling on, expect a plethora {by plethora I mean probably weekly, monthly if we are lucky} of posts from original pieces, reviews, impressions, an ever updating saga of Kojinski cloning, etc. all about vid gamez {O, yeah, this is here to stay too} . Comedy, drama, laughs, cries of joy, ridicule, if anyone happens to read em’ and if someone is in the slightest, even on the molecular, subatomic, scale entertained/informed/provoked, thank you, hopefully it wont be a complete waste of your time. Anywho, I will publish a real post soon…eventually…maybe…hopefully…

-Draco



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