Well, hello Destructoid. I've managed to be a member of the community for awhile now, but only so I can make snarky comments on others' blogs and the front page posts. Usually along the lines of "ha ha, silly fanboys!" Well, here I am, finally popping my blog cherry and exposing my thoughts to the mercy of the rest of the d-toid community. Without further qualifying statements, here goes...

I'm a long time gamer. I've been playing games since I was too young to even read. I got started on a Commodore computer (VERY different from a C64, if you don't know), and my first "real" game console was an Atari 2600. I've had a love affair with gaming, and it supercedes any affections I might have for other leisure activities, like TV, radio, or Talladega Nights.

At this point, I'm 24 years old, a college graduate, and I'm still gaming. I've also been dealing with depression and anxiety on and off for the last three or four years. There are a variety of factors that contribute to this, most notably my diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes at age 20 (that's the kid kind, not the fat kind).

And how, you might ask, does this relate to gaming? Well, when I'm feeling down, I can't seem to get any enjoyment out of games. Maybe not a big deal for some people, but as you may have guessed, they are important to me. They are a de-stressor, they are a hobby, and they are a passion. And when I can't even have fun playing them, there's a problem.

Lately I picked up Deus Ex on Steam. I'd heard wonderful things about this game, and that it was a modern classic and blah blah blah, and it's a game that's right up my alley. But I've been playing it for a week now, and it's just a chore. I'm frustrated by the shitty AI and the difficulty of playing the game while trying to minimize lethal takedowns. Maybe there are some tricks I'm just not getting yet, or maybe I just suck, but it's frustrating all the same.

But it's not just Deus Ex. It's familiar games, it's games I can play with one controller behind my back or while masturbating furiously using only my toes. There's just no pleasure to be found while dealing with depression.

So, fellow gamers, with that in mind, do any of you have any suggestions? I don't want to go back to meds, because they sort of take the fun out of everything too, and that would be pretty pointless. Maybe some advice for getting the most out of Deus Ex? Or games that are so ridiculously fun that it would be impossible for me not to enjoy them? I play games on PC, Xbox, and PS2, but I don't have my PS2 right now, so preferably PC or Xbox recommendations would be appreciated.

I also don't really play games online, but if I knew people who played online, that would probably be pretty fun. My only real options right now are Counterstrike: Source (which I'm pretty good at) and Team Fortress 2(which I am terrible). My steam name is Father Chester, so add me if you're interested.

Anyway, that's all. If you have any interesting things to add to the discussion or NSFW images to post, then do so at will. (Well, I'd prefer no NSFW images, because I'm at work right now, but if you must, just make sure it's linked...)