Hello Ryu Hayabusa, please have a seat. Perhaps you'd like to take a bite from the bento in front of you? Don't worry, I swear we didn't poison it to test your skills, at least not like last time. Anyways, you might be wondering why I called you here, right? You've certainly done your share of killing everything from sand mummies to giant mechs, and I will acknowledge that you've saved the world many times from the forces of evil.



But here's the thing...you don't seem to understand the exact job description of what it is a ninja does. You see, a ninja is supposed to be stealthy. They are supposed to manipulate events from the shadows, or in some cases hide in plain sight. Their targets are never supposed to know the ninja is coming until it is too late for them to do a thing about it. That's the reason that you never hear of any famous ninja in real life, because the enemy can never know for certain when a ninja is about to end his life.

Ryu, your fighting skills are really impressive enough to get you out of nearly any situation, not to mention that weird ability you have to never actually die. Hell, I even heard of one recent achievement where you came back from the dead over 100 times just to defeat a Greater Fiend. But if you actually bothered to listen to any of my lessons, you wouldn't put yourself in these situations in the first place! Here, let me show you a visual aid:



There you are, daring the giant spider demon to come attack you on open ground. Did it not once occur to you that you could have leapt up onto the columns behind him and stabbed him in the neck where he could not see you? Did you not think to lure him into a trap where you could deal with him easier? Seriously, have you truly learned nothing? Yes, your whole clan was virtually destroyed several times over and maybe this training was the last thing on your mind, but you are supposed to be our star ninja. It's because of you that our new students think being a ninja means that they will emerge unscathed when running straight into enemies firing rocket launchers at them. I'm running out of students as a result!

And this brings me to another point: a ninja is supposed to select the right tools for whatever task he may require during a mission. So what purpose does a scythe have? Where do you even keep such a weapon? Did you plan to thresh some coffee beans or coca leaves on your way home? It is a big weapon, difficult to use, and it is not optimal at all when you are trying to assassinate someone from the shadows. But of course you didn't think of such a thing, did you? You were too busy standing right outside my dojo, daring the enemy to come attack you in the open!



Don't give me your excuses, I've heard them all. Yes, you were facing demons, monsters, mistakes of nature and forces of evil beyond your wildest dreams. Yes, the odds were stacked against you, as they are against all ninja. But you didn't think for a second that these enemies might have weaknesses that don't simply involve using the "Flying Swallow" technique over and over? What would I have done in your place, you ask? Look at this picture below:



See these ninjas right there? These ninjas are using something called "stealth." They are watching the enemy for any sign of weakness, they are studying his patterns and his movements, and they are planning to strike when he is most vulnerable. Not only did they kill their target, but they managed to avoid getting clawed, stabbed, or even seen in the process! Amazing isn't it, a ninja who actually uses stealth to complete his mission! Oh, don't listen to me, I'm just a ninja master who fought his way to the top when all of the other masters died or disappeared under "mysterious circumstances."

You...you ate that whole bento box? Ugh, you didn't even bother to test it for poison, did you? You don't deserve to call yourself a ninja. Yes, I lied to you at the start. That was the whole point. You were supposed to suspect my words in case I was forced to feed you that poisoned food, or if someone slipped it into your lunch without my attention!

When you come back from your next Game Over screen, maybe you should consider another profession like Samurai, or Mass Murderer. It's obvious that you have no clue how to be an actual ninja.