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Is Kirby A Flaming Homosexual Swinger? - Destructoid




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Hello there! I'm Jed. I've been "in the gaming journalism industry" sort of, kind of, for some time. Be it here in the cblogs, Tomodom (a site I made for underrepresented voices in games journalism), Girls Entertainment Network, and on the YouTubes and Twitches.

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Kirby has been spotted wearing a dress, feathers and turning into a ball of flame, but now in this latest scandal, Kirby has been caught KISSING OTHER MEN! It has always been known that Kirby has an oral fixation / fetish, swallowing any and everything in sight, but now whenever he is seen eating, shortly thereafter he can be spotted kissing men. Most recently he has been spotted on the town sucking face with King Dedede, Meta Knight, doppelganger Kirbys and Waddle Dee.

We contacted Kirby's celebrity friend, Chris Brown, for comment, but upon sitting down for an interview he threw a chair through a window, screaming "Look At Me Nah!" and then ran out the door yelling something about what I assume was a headphone endorsement deal, all that could be made out was "Beats by Chris Brown."



Kirby has always held a special place in my heart, having been the star in one of my favorite original Game Boy games, I mean what's not to love? The game is short, to the point, has very catchy music that is still around in some fashion in Kirby games till this day and always a great speed run to relieve some stress. I feel the game has aged very well for an original Game Boy game.

So of course I purchased Return to Dreamland on day 1. That same night I had a date with a cute boy I had met through "online dating" I guess you would call it, but really it's a GPS based dating app for smart phones. He only lived a couple miles away and is a gamer, but admittedly had only really ever played Tekken and Call of Duty (zombies mode of course) as those were the only games friends and family had played that he found interesting. We hung out at my house and started to watch the movie Trespass "starring" Nicolas Cage and Nichole Kidman doing their finest work of all time... that being said we got distracted and shut off the movie like half way through. I finally had the nerve to ask if he wanted to play Kirby with me. I told him it was a really important game to me and I wouldn't play it with just anyone and stressed my seriousness about it (seriously), we had hung out a few times so it wasn't like I was being weirder than normal.



Moments later, we strapped up and booted up the game as I got really excited during the intro like the little girl that I am, he leaned over on my shoulder (dawwwwwww). We started the first level, I was player one as normal pink Kirby and he was player two as yellow doppelganger Kirby (little known fact, Shigeru Miyamoto originally argued Kirby should be Yellow). We played through a bit figuring out the controls (more like he was figuring them out, Kirby controls haven't changed...ever, because they just work and HAL realize if it isn't broke, don't fix it) and then moved onto a real non-tutorial level. In said "real" level we took some damage, cause you know...it's a Kirby game, you don't die in one hit.

Then it happened... I ran onto a tomato, devouring it instantly, then his yellow Kirby ran into me and WE KISSED! I was like "OH EM GEE" and he was like "What?" and I said "Our Kirbys just kissed!" at which point we kissed <3 Le Sigh! Then we continued to play and kiss when our character's did, it was TEH CUTE!

After a while we started discussing the repercussions of the kissing taking place on screen, as all the characters appear, in a sense, to be male. King Dedede obviously is presented as a male, with the title of King, Meta Knight just looks / sounds / acts manly and Kirby is generally a male name. Waddle Dee on the other hand...who knows, but I don't see boobs. But seriously, is this going to be offensive to some people? I mean...if you consider the characters male, then it's a bunch of men kissing OR regurgitating food between the two like a momma bird and a baby bird. I only find one scenario gross, but who am I to judge, some people just hate chewing.

In reality, are any of these characters actually a specific gender? I don't see any genitals on Kirby or Waddle Dee, nor any other characters in the game. I'm not sure if Kirby has ever been called a he in any of the games, officially, but a quick Google search shows that most people refer to him as a he, as well as Nintendo referring to him as a "little boy" in the Super Star manual.

Why do we find the need to give gender to characters? Can't we just accept Kirby as a sexless being? I understand giving male or female characteristics, at least in the case of King Dedede, though I yearn for a Drag Queen Dedede, how awesome would that be? I mean, technically Nintendo has always been a trend setter when it comes to the lesbian, gay, bi and transgender community, with Birdo, Tingle, Link, those flamboyant guys in the tree from Twilight Princess and lets not forget cross dressing in Animal Crossing.

We figured that most people would over look the fact that all the characters appear to be male and kissing but sooner or later someone will blow it out of proportion. We were all for it, as every time they kissed, we kissed. I <3 Kirby xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo le sigh....

Picture Removed. Felt a bit too personal after the fact and we kind of lost touch :/

[Editors note: I just did a quick edit to add some facts and clean some things up. Sorry for posting a "rough" draft at first, though I'm sure like 1 of you had read this.]



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