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CATstlevania: Siamese Purrmont vs. Ratcula - Destructoid




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Hello there! I'm Jed. I've been "in the gaming journalism industry" sort of, kind of, for some time. Be it here in the cblogs, Tomodom (a site I made for underrepresented voices in games journalism), Girls Entertainment Network, and on the YouTubes and Twitches.

My reintro blog (2014)


OLD Blogs of mine you might consider reading:

My (outdated) intro blog

CATstlevania Episode 1

CATstlevania Episode 2

Aben Hawkins & The 1000 Spikes Review

Bulletstorm Review


Favorite Games / Series:

The Legend of Zelda
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Mario Kart 64
Punch-Out!
Dig Dug
River City Ransom


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It had been raining for some time, and the woods were cold and dark. Siamese Purrmont's fur was soaked, his whiskers sagged as tiny drops of rain dripped off them. If there is one thing Siamese hates, it's getting wet.

"This is purrfect." he sarcastically said to himself, as he continued through the woods.

Siamese, you see, is on a quest, a quest for REVENGE.

Flashback two weeks.

Siamese awoke to loud hissing and growling, it was his family! He quickly sprang up out of the curled up position he had been laying in. He could see the light of fire from downstairs, casting shadows on the wall, shadows of his family, and shadows of...somethings running away.

Siamese haste-fully grabbed his trusty spiked ball of yarn that his grandpa had passed down to him. This spiked ball of yarn is known as the RATPIRE HUNTER. The Purrmont family had been using it to slay the evil ratpires for centuries. You see, ratpires and their evil leader, Ratcula, reincarnate every 100 years, and the Purrmont family is cursed to slay them.

Pawing down the stairs as fast as he could, Siamese stood in shock as he entered his kitchen, there his family, his kittens, his wife were. His kitten's heads where only held on by their tiny cat spines, his wife was gutted, laying on the kitchen table, having had all of her nipples eaten off.

Siamese sniffed the air, as the furr stood up on his back, he could smell a smell he thought he would never smell. It was just as his grandpa had described...it was ratpire. Siamese pounced in the air and turned around in time to land on all four paws, claws extended. There in front of him was the lord of Ratness himself, Ratcula!

Siamese hissed loudly, and ran towards Ratcula, who was standing in the burning doorway to the Purrmont house. Ratcula quickly waved a claw in the air, causing part of the rafters to fall and hit Siamese on his head, instantly killing him.

...it was dark...Siamese heard a faint voice..."Siamese...you must reincarnate, you must take revenge, for us." It was his wife, he could see her in a black void, standing with his kittens. "You must KILL Ratcula!"

All at once Siamese sprang back to life! Siamese clenched his paw in anger and yelled into the night as he exited his burning house, "One down, eight to go!"



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