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Darren Nakamura avatar 12:41 AM on 12.19.2007  (server time)
Velocity Micro giveaway contest entry #2: This cake is NOT a lie (pictoral recipe included)

I said I probably wouldn't do another, but considering I have been clearly outdone in the realm of creepy man skin, I figured I'd try out one of my other skills.

Now... What other skills do I have? Shoot, this is going to be more difficult than I thought. I can... play lots of video games? Oh, I know! I bake a mean pineapple upside down cake! Check below for the recipe, with helpful pictures to guide some of you people with lesser kitchen abilities.

Before I go any further, the recipe I use is taken from here and modified to fit my tastes.

1/2 stick of unsalted butter
2/3 cup of brown sugar, packed tightly
1 can of pineapple slices
1 jar of maraschino cherries

1 1/2 cup flour
1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 stick butter
2/3 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
3/4 cup milk

First, we need to start on the topping. Since we're making the Destructoid head, I thought I'd try to make the eyes red. This is why we need a jar of maraschino cherries; we have to soak two slices of pineapple in the mysterious red sugar water juice stuff for awhile.

Once we have those in, we can start on the other parts. Next, we melt the 1/2 stick of butter and add the brown sugar. If you packed it tightly, it should look like this:

Mix up the butter and sugar thoroughly, then spread it evenly on the bottom of a greased 9x13 cake pan, like so:

Now, mix together the dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon) in a small mixing bowl. The cinnamon is crucial for the deliciousness of the cake.

Get a larger mixing bowl out, and cream the remaining butter and sugar together. It may be easier if you let the butter soften before doing this, but don't melt it.

It will start like this:

And it will end like this:

Next, add the eggs to the mixture, one at a time, mixing well between the two.

For the last part of this section, add the vanilla. Remember, vanilla usually comes in 35% alcohol. Act accordingly.

Now, ready the dry ingredients and the milk.

Add those two to the butter/sugar mixture a bit at a time, alternating. Check out this action shot of dry ingredients going into the cream mixture! You will have to imagine an action shot of milk going in.

Once you've added all of the dry ingredients and the milk, your batter should look as pictured below. I know it doesn't look that great, but trust me, it's delicious.

Now it's time to move onto the rest of the topping! Wait, before that, pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Now, with the non-eye pineapple slices, separate them into eighths, like so:

Using the pineapple pieces and the full slices, arrange them in the desired pattern on the brown sugar in the pan. I also chose to add a few cherries and cherry bits for the pupils and the eyebrow studs.

Now spread the batter out evenly. Try not to disturb the artwork underneath.

Stick the pan in the oven and set a timer for about 50 minutes. Now it's time to clean up after the gigantic mess we made. Since it involves cake batter, that necessarily means licking the mixer...

And the bowl...

Yes, I did have to wash cake batter off of my forehead after taking that photo. It was worth it. You might want to note that if you are in the habit of buying salmonella eggs, then this step will probably result in you getting food poisoning. Next time, buy non-salmonella eggs, or skip this step.

After the timer goes off, remove the cake from the oven.

Let it cool for five to ten minutes, then run a knife around the edges to loosen the cake from them. Don't be too zealous, or you might end up with Teflon flakes in your cake.

Now, the moment you have been waiting for. Stick a cutting board or some other hard flat object over the cake pan, invert it, shake it around, bang on it, and do whatever else is necessary for the cake to fall onto the board. If done correctly, it should look something like this:

Voila! Now it's time to eat what is probably the most delicious cake you've ever tasted. And hey, maybe pose in front of a website in an attempt to win a computer!

Alas, I can't take credit for that adorable plush Destructoid ornament. That credit goes entirely to Tristero's lovely wife, who clearly needs to write something in her blog.

All in all, I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out, but if I ever did this again, I think I'd try soaking the eyes in the red stuff for longer (like a full day), and I'd try substituting the brown sugar for regular granulated sugar, along with some green food coloring. Perhaps I will someday. We shall see.

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