This is a gchat convo between me and my buddy, after I told him I wasn't using the internets until I played Halo 3 so I wouldn't spoil it for myself.

Names have been changed to protect the integrity of internet anonymity.


Friend: hey

Continuing a transformation that began in the transition between Halo and Halo 2, Cortana will become increasingly sexy in every cutscene of Halo 3. By the game's end, she will be reduced to a hologram of a vagina that moans in ecstasy during your mission briefings.

A final scene begins to play after the credits have rolled. The camera pulls back from the obliterated universe, revealing a gigantic Halo ring that had been surrounding all of existence the whole time. The words "To be continued..." appear in an ominous glowing blue font.

me: you shut up
you shut up right now

Friend: In the final cutscene, Master Chief dives off of an exploding Halo ring onto a passing comet, then steers that comet into the sun. By tucking his head in just right, he passes entirely through the sun and barrels into a second Halo, which is immediately destroyed thanks to the magic sun particles he collected. Suddenly a bomb's countdown clock is shown with only five seconds left. After each tick we see Master Chief doing something spectacular as he hurtles through space: Punching a space dinosaur that's in his way, grinding on a planet's ring to pick up speed, blowing the head off of his comet which turned out to be an alien, and finally destroying a peaceful civilization a billion light years away with his mind just because he can. When the countdown ends, the entire universe explodes in a massive fireball, but Master Chief leaps just out of the blast's radius in slow motion.

As he removes his helmet to scratch his nose, Master Chief's face is finally revealed. It is at this moment that we discover he is actually Samus Aran.



I only wish I could take credit for this.