My Bottom 5 Games of 2012 - Destructoid

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I am a British male, I like movies, comics, books, poetry, music and videogames. My favorite thing about videogames is their artistic qualities; stuff like sound design, art direction and that general pith, I especially love stylized games with a touch of retro and the macabre.

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I owe roughly 43% of my brain to Klei Entertainment, Playdead Studios and Quentin Tarantino.
Hideo Kojima, Chris Nolan and Ken Levine can fight over the rest.

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Well it's that time of the year, New Years Eve, so here's another arbitrary list of some videogames that some chump did and didn't like playing.

Anyhow, I'm going to get drunk and play videogames, so without further ado; in order of offensiveness:

5. Halo 4

Halo has been by far and away my favorite shooter series since the first one released back in 2001, I found the sci-fi setting interesting, the gameplay tolerable and the story bearable and overall Bungie did a great job. However, Microsoft got a hold on the IP and 343i homogenized the franchise, cut campaign time down to a substandard level and ripped the multiplayer from other, more competent franchises, essentially making it "CoD with aliens" but shit. Luckily Sgt. Johnson was killed off before 343i could get there dirty grabbers on him.

4. Silent Hill HD Collection

Konami proves that it's just as out of touch with gaming as ever by doing the unthinkable and ruining what is considered the best survival horror game ever. With ludicrous voice acting, the removal of the scarybollocks fog (aka the reason I couldn't walk home from a friends house after playing the game and I slept on his floor like a babygirl) and dirty muddy contrasting that makes the game look like a wet hessian sack full of poo and failure.

3. Home

Ok, here's where I'm going to have to defend myself.
At only $2 on the Steam store and from humble indie beginnings, having Home on this list at all is probably going to be seen as the most evil thing I have ever done, but deal with it. Home is a "survival horror experience thing" that comes from small time indie dev Ben Rivers, it's a short experience where you walk a lot and that's about it. Like the narrator from Bastion the endings aren't as smart as they lead you to believe, I will say that the atmosphere is superb but that's the only praise this game is getting.
Compared to Jasper Byrne's similar looking but far superior Lone Survivor, Home looks terrible and makes me wish I'd donated those $2 to panda's or some shit instead. Benjamin, I am disappoint.

2. Amy

The above face is probably enough to let you know what I think about this steaming pile of wreckage. Amy is by far the most repulsive survival horror game that I have ever had the misfortune to play, and no not in the good way. What's truly terrifying about Amy is that it exists and has probably made a profit, some fairly interesting audio gets lost under a torrent of bad PS2 era graphics, shitty aesthetic, buggy gameplay, some of the worst controlling I've ever dealt with, items and characters phasing in and out of the nether, and the most spastic AI that gets pinned on the fact the titular character is autistic, nice try VectorCell you dirty French bastards.

1. Family Guy Back to the Multiverse

Family Guy Back to the Multiverse can go fuck itself with a rusty coat hook.
It's shitty gameplay, offensive nature, retarded story, ugly visuals and controls that are at best as good as Amy's make me angry and the fact it got nominated for an Annie award makes me sick.
The game is downright offensive, making homophobic and racist comments with no punchline. Seth McFarlene and his writers should really be kissing their families goodbye (if they haven't left them for this shit load of fuck) and planning a life of charity work, because that's the only way that they can pay back humanity for their crimes against intelligence. I'm embarrassed by the fact that this game exists, for those of you that want to experience this load of shit I suggest getting a copy of The Simpsons Hit and Run, smacking your head against a wall a couple of times and stopping gameplay every 15 minutes to shout "blackie", "queer" or any other choice slurs you can think of.


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